Light Out of Darkness

As we continue to re-release some of our most powerful episodes, I’m excited to revisit my conversation with my dear friend, coworker, and sister in Christ, Wendy. Her story of walking through a wilderness journey is both raw and transformative.

In this episode, Wendy shares how God was her constant source of hope during her darkest moments. We talk about the promises she held close to her heart and how God’s presence illuminated her path, even when she couldn’t see the way forward. Wendy’s journey is a testament to God’s faithfulness, and her story will remind you that no matter how deep the darkness may seem, God’s light will never fail to break through. If you’re navigating your own wilderness season, this episode is a must-listen.

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Transcript

Jan Harrison:  In Season 2, Rooted and Radiant walked with the others through their wilderness journeys. Wendy's route was treacherous and transforming. She wants you to know God will never fail you. He is with you for the long haul. Be encouraged no matter how deep the pit or dark the path, as she shares Light out of Darkness. 

Welcome to Rooted and Radiant. I'm your host Jan Harrison. Here we seek to root ourselves in the life giving Word of God and cultivate spiritual fruit that radiates Jesus in and through us. 

Jan: Today, I'm super excited to welcome my dear friend, Wendy, to have this conversation with all of you. Wendy and I are friends. We're co workers . We are sisters in Christ, and we've shared some really amazing experiences, both hard and wonderful together. Wendy, thank you for being here today. 

Wendy:  Thank you for having me. 

Jan: I want to take us back to a time that you and I both shared just a few months ago, found ourselves standing in the Judean desert. It was a bright, hot June day. The scorching sun was beating down and a hot wind was whipping all over the place. And as we stood there and surveyed all that we had read about and learned about in scripture, I also witnessed while the literal landscape spoke a new level of truth into your heart and mind. Would you tell the listeners? First of all, what you saw and what you heard and why that glimpse of the wilderness was such a profound time for you. 

Wendy:  What I saw that day was rocky, rough, barren and dry land. It was so hot. We had to have hats because the sun was so intense. And as I looked out, the vastness and the dryness the land was just desolate. And as I stood there, I remembered that I had walked through a wilderness and what I heard was the Lord telling me, I've brought you here today to show you that although you walked through this wilderness, I have brought you to see what you have come through.

Jan:  It was so personal for you. You turned and looked in 360 degrees all around and you saw mountain ranges and valleys and scrub brush and desert everywhere. And yet there was a sense in your expression of joy and of peace and of tenderness. And because I knew some of the story and some of the steps and some of the details of your wilderness journey, I knew that this was a moment in time when God was speaking personally to you. You turned and shared that you could see a promise that he had given you fulfilled before your very eyes. You were literally standing on the rock in that place. And years of turmoil and years of trauma turned into beauty and renewal. Would you share that promise and then the circumstances of your life when that promise was given to you? 

Wendy: So the first promise I think that you're referring to the Lord gave me in 2015 and as I was reading and praying my marriage was falling apart and my family was falling apart and I didn't know whether to go right or left. I just didn't know what to do. My marriage was plagued with mistresses, alcohol, drugs, pornography, emotional and verbal abuse. Every day felt like chaos. And I didn't know how I was going to get through from one day to the next. But God gave me a scripture. It was Isaiah 43: 19. And it says, For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun. Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. And standing on that rock, I was reminded that He did in fact do it. What he promised me he would do. He made a way in the wilderness when I thought there was no way. 

Jan:  That's so powerful, Wendy. Thank you for sharing those details that were named in a list that was long and deep, but it doesn't even begin to really tell us the pain and the time and the energy and the devastation that went along with each of those things. When God gave you that promise, how did you know that that was a word that you needed to hide in your heart and hold on to?

Wendy:  At that time, the word was my lifeline. I needed it like food. I needed to be fed daily. Because as the chaos and turmoil surrounded our lives every day it seemed, the one constant, the one true constant, And reading and praying and studying is when he gives you things to hold on to. And I needed to hold on to His Word . Shortly after that, he gave me another scripture. I was desperate. It was dark times, and I recall being in my room and frustrated. I had prayed for restoration. I had prayed for redemption. I wanted my marriage to be saved. I wanted my family to be saved. And I was just praying that we would have this incredible testimony. And God would do something new in our family and in my marriage. And out of my frustration, I was just talking with the Lord. And I said, I need something. I need you to show me something. And sitting there in my bedroom that morning, I opened my Bible. And what he gave me was Deuteronomy 8, verses 2 through 10. And I had recently turned 40. And the scripture says, And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these 40 years in the wilderness to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. So he humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know that he might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. Your garments did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. And then it goes on in verse seven. For the Lord, your God is bringing you into a good land. A land of brooks of water, of fountains, of springs that flow out of valleys and hills. A land of wheat and barley of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey. A land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron and out of whose hills you can dig copper. When you have eaten and are full, then you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land which he has given you. And on that rock that day, he brought back this scripture to show me that His promises are true, His Word is alive, what He says He will do, doesn't mean it's easy. It's not without pain, it's not without suffering, it's not without some days knowing how am I going to put one foot in front of the other. But if you bury your head in the Word and you pray, He will bring you through. 

Jan: Amen. That is such a powerful word and that might begin to explain to our listeners why standing there and seeing the fulfillment of that promise was so very, very real to your heart. How long did you have to hold on to that promise? Take us through just the practical time that this journey took, because what I want us to all remember, when God gives us a word, it doesn't mean that we just don't go straight to this place of ease. He takes us through it. The verse said that you would be humbled. You would be hungry. You would be worn and you would be weary. So in the practical, in the natural, how did this journey wind around? 

Wendy: 11 days after. I received that and I wrote it down in my Bible. I think it's important to say, write it down so that you remember and you can go back and look. But 11 days later, I left my husband. I didn't want to, but his choices forced me to make really tough decisions. 13 days later, my husband was behind the wheel drinking and driving and he crashed. And for seven months, he was in the hospital and for seven years I fought. I fought long. I fought hard before I was finally finished with my wilderness and it wasn't until 2023 that I was able to stand there in Israel and look back.

Jan: So perseverance, commitment, endurance, preparation. Wendy, you did not go into that wilderness. ever dreaming that that was the route your life was gonna take. You deeply desired to build a marriage, to build your family, to be a part of what you knew to be God's perfect plan for your life. And yet nothing worked in the way that you had hoped or dreamed or even prayed for. I think that's one of the questions that, that I want to ask you. What do you do when you find yourself, you've prayed, you've believed the word and the promises, you have stood on the faithfulness of God, you've testified to it, and yet your life feels as if it's going to fall apart and your dreams are dying and you are devastated. How do you guard your heart from becoming bitter or resentful or just sitting in that low simmer of anger? 

Jan:  Well, there were times when I felt all of those. And there were times when I was bitter and there was resentment and anger. And I think those are all natural feelings that we have to go through in order to heal. I think being able to sit in those feelings and understand that no matter what, no matter what we're going through, that He's bigger and He's better. And, and at the time, it may not feel that way. I recall when I found out about the affair and I went to a dark place. I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't function. For three days, I laid in my bed and I stared at the ceiling. And in, in that dark time, because I had been in the Word, Scriptures would come to my memory. And it sustained me, although I was so broken. It helped me get through. And, and having a good support system. Investing in your friendships. Investing in the church. You know, when times are tough, that's when you find out who you are. Your friends are and, and they showed up and they held my hand and didn't say a word and they took care of my children and they cleaned my house and they went grocery shopping and they just, they showed up and they held me when I couldn't hold myself and He held me when I couldn't hold myself and you just have to make the decision to put one step in front of the other. 

Jan: I love those things that you just shared. First of all, even in the darkness and even in the stillness, when you didn't have the presence or the energy to pick up the Word . Deep calls to deep and the deep things of God and the spirit of God witnessed and called forth from your spirit because you had sown the word into your life, your friends remind me of the friends that put the paralytic on the mat and carried them to the rooftop and said, if Jesus can't come out here to get him, then we'll take him in there. And they did that for you. They showed up and they picked you up and they put you and your needs and your family and your home and your life out there on the mat and they lowered you down in very practical and very real and very helpful ways. I also remember so clearly myself seeing you some of the very first times before all of this really came out. You would always be at church with your children, by yourself, faithfully, regularly committed to being in the house of God. And I believe that what you're sharing is that God honors that and God was watching over you when you could not watch over yourself and when your literal physical shelter was falling apart, he took you under His wing and He nurtured and cared for and watched over you. You know, when you're in the desert, I remember just All the time we were there, how thirsty you are, how absolutely parched you feel. Does that remind you of a time either physically, probably emotionally and spiritually? How did you quench that thirst? 

Wendy: You know, I think we have to make the decision to be prepared. And I believe in preparation, you know, you don't show up to a camping trip with no water. You don't show up without first aid or sources. And I think early on, I made a decision to be prepared. We've touched on the Word, we've touched on prayer, but Bible study was important, you know, being part of a Bible study, having fellowship with believers. Fellowship with other women, a safe place to ask for prayer, and that Bible study opened up the doors for Godly friendships, for mentors that were older that could speak wisdom into me, you know, as a young mom going through a tumultuous time in my life and in the ups and downs of my marriage. It was such a blessing going to church even when it's hard, God blesses every sacrifice we made. And although I sat there embarrassed that my husband wasn't beside me, I was fed. And I was changing.

Jan:  And you had no idea even what was coming and yet God knows and he was preparing and He was providing and He was taken up for your children, even when you didn't realize that that's what he was doing. And yet when we make that conscious decision that we're going to allow God to provide His work and His will and His word and His wisdom through all the ways that He offers to us. We can trust that we're being equipped for the days ahead. Where did you go when you were broken and alone ? 

Wendy: I would go to my closet.

Jan: Tell us about your closet. I had a prayer closet. And that's the place where I would get up early in the morning and read and pray. And there's a prayer wall and that's where I keep my prayer request. I laid in the floor and would open my Bible and just pour out to the Lord. And that's just where I went. I have one vivid memory from my closet. One morning, I was writing in my prayer journal, and I wrote, Lord, please give me a divine intervention to talk with my husband about his substance abuse. Now, I had no idea how that was gonna look that afternoon. But fast forward, it's that afternoon. And I discover that my husband has been having an affair. And I ask him to come to my closet. And I ask him to sit down. And I sat beside of him. And I put my hands on his face. And I said to him, this is the one thing I've asked you not to do to me. And you've done it. And I recall saying, But I'm going to pray for you. And then I'm going to set you free. And I opened my Bible to Ezekiel. It was a passage that I had been praying over him for quite some time. And I read aloud that passage over my husband, and then I prayed for him, and I grabbed his hands, and I said, now it's time for you to leave. And after he left, of course I fell apart. I fell in my closet praying, asking the Lord, Why? Why me? Why my family? Why my marriage? How has my husband done this to me? But having time in prayer is not always easy. And that was one of the most difficult times in my prayer closet that I've ever experienced. But He gave me comfort. And He gave me peace and I just want to encourage anyone that's listening to have that special place To have that quiet time and to always always trust in Him.

Jan: It was your sacred place. It was your sanctuary. It was your altar. It was that place where you met with God face to face, heart to heart, and He would whisper. He drew you to the wilderness and He spoke tenderly to you there. 

Wendy: For quite some time, I had been praying Ezekiel 36: 25- 35 over my husband. And that's the passage that I read to him that day in my closet. And verse 26 says, And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart, and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my spirit in you, so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations. But what I didn't know, is that God was changing my heart. And through the prayer, and through reading His Word, it was my stony, stubborn heart that was becoming a tender, responsive heart. And he was preparing me for the battles that lay ahead. And not only was he speaking to me there, my Children were watching. And I recall one night when things were chaotic, my husband had come home and there was a lot of unrest in the house. And I would tend to have to try and settle things down. And then I would go check on the children on one particular night. When I went to check on them, I walked up into my daughter's room, and there she lay in her closet with her Bible open and her face down. And what she had seen me do in my closet, she knew where to go in hers. 

Jan:  God is faithful, and he honors every, you know when we say he'll humble you in the wilderness? We think of the embarrassment or the shame, but you're humbling in his presence He honored in such a powerful way. in your daughter's life and will continue to do that all the days of her life. You know, let me just ask you this before we leave the prayer closet. So you're out of the desolation of the wilderness. Do you still have a prayer closet? 

Wendy: I do. It looks a little different now, but I do still have a prayer closet. 

Jan: Do you think you'll always have a prayer closet? 

Wendy:  Always. 

Jan: I love that because although the desperate places in the wilderness tend to drive us to be flat on our face in His presence, once you've been there, you never, ever want to leave again. And even though you walk out on the other side, and even though you're so thankful for the pressure to have lifted and the circumstances to shift, you've experienced something so profoundly precious and beautiful. The treasures that he's given in the darkness cannot be replaced. And I think that is such a powerful witness and such a reminder of why we need to have a prayer closet. You know, grief is grueling and it drains and it exhausts. In fact, whenever I hear of someone going through some sort of grief. And so many things cause grief in our lives, but it depletes and dehydrates and discourages and depresses and disorients. The grief journey changes you. And there are some things about those changes that I just would like to remind our listeners. Not everyone wants you to change. They want you to go back and be the old you. But you're changed, and you're changed forever. And some people find that really threatening, but I also want to just testify through watching Wendy's life, I know from my own life, the grief journey also can be a place that makes you more beautiful and enriches you in a way that you would not exchange it for all the ease and all the comfort in the world. And I just really thank you for living that out in front of me and in front of so many. We know that grief has stages. I want to ask you a few questions about those stages. Did you go through denial? 

Wendy:  Absolutely. I, the signs were all there. I refused to accept the signs. I refused to accept that it was time for my marriage to be over. I didn't want to believe it. Change is loss. And I was about to lose a life, a life that I had dreamt of a life that I desired. And I wasn't ready to go through that loss. I wasn't ready to surrender that over. So I believe I was in denial for quite some time. 

Jan:  So to the person who's right now struggling with denial, would you say that's normal?

Wendy:  Yes, and I believe that if you have good friends that can come alongside of you and encourage you, I'm sure if you ask my inner circle, they could say yes, the signs were there. But I also think something I would say to someone who's struggling like I was, when someone shows you who they are believe them. Write it down. Keep a journal of what's going on so that you can look back and see. And perhaps that would help you come through that. But you, you have to go through it. in the way that you need to go through it. And I just wasn't ready to leave when I needed to. And it took me a lot longer and cost me a lot more pain.

Jan:  Thank you for sharing that. What about anger? We've talked about that a little bit, but anger is, is the next step usually after denial. 

Wendy: There were times when I was very angry, angry for different reasons. Um, there were times when I was very angry with him. There were times when I was angry with the Lord. There were times when I was angry with myself. And I think that's just a part of it and you have to sit in those feelings and be okay that that's just part of it. You need to go through that and feel it to get to the other side. 

Jan:  That's good. What about bargaining? That's the third one. And bargaining is those efforts to rearrange reality and to go through in your mind if I had, if I would have, if I could have, if I should have, how could I have changed this? 

Wendy: You know, I think I bargained with the Lord on many occasion, you know, at. Argued with him. How did that work for you, ? Well, we can see as today that did not work very well. He had something so much better in store for me, and I couldn't see it, but He  saw it, you know? I was like, well, I'm in Bible study. Well, I go to church. Well, you know, I'm now, I'm a Bible study leader, Lord, why can't you save my family? Why won't you save my marriage? I mean, I totally bargained with him. What more can I do?  You know? Why is this not not changing? 

Jan: That's good. Because that's really kind of the, the place we get where we read these promises and then we make the answer come out the way we want to see it come out. So bargaining with God. 

Wendy: I will tell you one thing I had someone say to me that was profound to me in that time. They said, you don't ever want to look back five years from now and regret. So when I did decide to leave, I was solid in my decision and I knew that five years from now I wouldn't look back and have any regrets. And I can sit here today and say, I did everything in my personal power to save my family and save my marriage and I can look back and say, I made the right decision. 

Jan: That was very wise advice. Depression. You've touched on that. You talked about that, about friends showing up and how important that was to you. Wendy, do Christians get depressed? 

Wendy: Absolutely. I mean, I, I feel like there's the standard that we're not supposed to, you know, go through these emotions and it's so healthy to sit in all these emotions and to ask for help. You know, I think society tells us, I was so embarrassed and humiliated that that was happening to me. And I didn't want to share because you know, what was going on behind closed doors is not what we had portrayed to the world because the world puts such an identity on what Christian marriages should look like and ours was falling apart and I was so embarrassed. And I didn't feel safe sharing what was going on.

Jan: I am so reminded that as a believer, my job as a friend, as a mentor, as a teacher, as a family member, whatever it might be, is to walk alongside people. But I haven't lived your wilderness journey, and to be very, very careful about the quick clichés or the clipped answers that we're often quick to give when people go through these things. The last stage is acceptance. And I love that because I feel like that's where I got to really watch and witness acceptance in your life. Because your period of acceptance was several years, but I watched you like, rise up, take hold of those promises even if they didn't look the way you thought they were going to look exactly, take the hand of God and then say, okay, I'm going to fight this battle. I'm going to fight it with the Lord. I'm going to fight it with prayer and I'm a fight it with the practical tools that he puts in my hands. It was intense, wasn't it? 

Wendy: Yes, it was incredibly intense. 

Jan:  And again, the same provisions took you through that part of the journey. 

Wendy: Yes, and God shows up. He shows up when you least expect it. You know, there were, there were times I recall, When I received an unexpected bill and I didn't know how I was gonna pay it and three days later I received an unexpected refund that covered the unexpected bill, you know, that's God only God and then I was in court battles in and out and there was one time when I was accused of something I didn't do and I was terrified. I was gonna have to get on the stand and defend my character. And I was praying and I was reading and, and again, you know, talking to the Lord, you go back to not bargaining, but I'm like, why me? I didn't do this. I mean, I am about to be on the stand. As I was praying and, and in the Word and, and prepping for this, you know, I said, Lord, I just need help. And that still small voice gave me something in that moment. It was one word. And I was able to communicate that. And, you know, so he just, He shows up all the time in all the things. But again, I was about to be on the stand. That was hard. I have been in desperate times, but I have accepted that this is my story. It has not been easy. I've surrendered to the grief. I've surrendered to the loss. And I've surrendered my life fully to Him and I have accepted that no matter what, I will follow Him and He will make my road in the wilderness and fill up my troughs with water.

Jan:  Amen. You know, in the desert where we stood, we were told that day that when the winter rains fall, the mountains and the valleys, are transformed into lush green places. It was hard to even imagine because it was so desolate that what was once dry and dying is renewed and refreshed and redeemed. The barren land they said begins to bud. After so much personal sorrow and such harsh, breaking, after such a demanding struggle, I believe you've just shared with us where you find yourself today. Standing, watching those desert hills plush green and the life budding from you again. Wendy, thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. We just pray that God will take it and use it in the lives of our listeners. In Jesus name. 

Wendy: Thank you. 

Jan: Thank you for joining me on Rooted and Radiant. Now let's all go cultivate our spiritual lives to become rooted in the Word of God and radiate His joy.