Love, Heartbreak & the Sacred Work of Self-Love with Saguna (#050)

What if heartbreak isn't something to rush through, but an invitation to transform? Saguna Budhiraja, a crystal energy guide and founder of Ektara Heart in Amsterdam, challenges the cultural messaging that tells us to "just get over it." Instead, she reveals how a shattered heart literally freezes your nervous system, why your relationships mirror your self-worth, and why the real work isn't finding someone new—it's becoming whole on your own.

Drawing from her own journey through motherhood, childhood wounds, and multiple heartbreaks, Saguna cuts through spiritual platitudes to get real about self-love. She explores the ancestral patterns we inherit, the performance of love we learned as children, and why grief doesn't follow a timeline. As she says, "When your heart is so shattered, it freezes the body. It's like when you fracture the leg, you don't expect yourself to run." Yet we demand exactly that of ourselves after heartbreak.

You'll learn practical wisdom: why asking the right questions before committing matters more than chemistry, how to recognize when a relationship can be healed versus when it needs to end, and what compassion actually looks like in practice. Saguna shares how clients transform through inner work—unpacking wounds, setting boundaries, learning love languages, and practicing self-dating—not through dating apps or manifesting.

Whether you're recovering from heartbreak, questioning a current relationship, or caught in repeating patterns, this episode offers something rare: permission to grieve, tools to heal, and a roadmap to love that starts from within. Listen to discover what becomes possible when you finally put yourself first.

How to Get in Touch:

• Website: www.ektarahart.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ektaraheart/

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Transcript

Saguna: 00:00

How do we receive love? How worthy are we of love? When do we not receive love? Who do you need to be to receive love? Firstly, nothing. But of course, we learn that we need to be something to be loved, you know, and then how we adapt and we change. And then sometimes we go too far from ourselves.

Amanda Parker: 00:23

Welcome to Don't Step on the Bluebells, the podcast for personal healing and transformation takes center stage. I'm your host, Amanda Parker, and I'm a fellow seeker on the journey of personal growth. Join me as I delve into the stories of gifted healers, guides, and everyday people who have experienced remarkable transformations. Listen in as they share their practical wisdom to enrich your everyday life. And don't forget to hit subscribe and never miss a new episode. Welcome to today's episode of Don't Step on the Bluebells. I am here with the wonderful Saguna. So Saguna is a spaceholder for Ektara Heart, which is a gorgeous space that you can find in person in Amsterdam. She's also a crystal energy guide who focuses on love, self-love, and relationships. And today we're going to be talking all things love, how to heal a broken heart, and how to really find your way to love for yourself and for others, but really through that focus of self-love. So Saguna, I am so happy to have you here with us today.

: 01:32

Thank you, Amanda. I'm very happy to be here too. And I'm so grateful that we crossed paths here at Iktara Hat. It was just a divinely guided meeting.

Amanda Parker: 01:41

It was. So for everyone listening, we met uh in Saguna's beautiful space in Amsterdam. I was there in the summer. So in August, my friend and I were walking down the street, happened upon this beautiful like oasis in the middle of Amsterdam. And I remember actually, my friend and I had really been talking a lot about love in those moments, in like the days that leaded up to that. And then the minute that we found your story, I was like, oh my God, we have to go in.

Saguna: 02:15

Yeah, that's beautiful. And that's a conversation that we need to have a lot more, right? Like we learn all about love from the films from our parents, which may or may not be the ideal that we want to have in our life. And then there is no learning process of what it takes to nurture relationships on a daily basis, you know. I take relationships like a plant, basically. You bring it home and then you don't just leave it in the corner, ignore it. You have to nurture it every single day. You have to water it, take care of it. And that's the part that we don't feel guided enough on, I think, you know? Um, that's so important. The nurturing as well.

Amanda Parker: 02:56

Yeah, that's it's such a good point. And I bought a book in your store. It was, I think, like the seven-day love prescription. I think I can't remember the exact name right now, but it was really just about how to strengthen the relationships that you already have, that you're already in. And it doesn't necessarily have to be things are going wrong and nothing's working. It could just be how do I connect more? How do I find more intimacy? How do I love better?

Saguna: 03:26

Absolutely. And that's something that requires us to consciously pay attention to, you know, uh, because when you have something every single day around you, um, it can be very easy to take it for granted. To get busy with our dreams, with our work, with just the routine, with the dishes and the laundry. That nurturing is necessary, you know, or just bringing that fun, that connection, um, and also holding space for each other as friends, you know, to have the right tools for also um the love that we have around us. And that kind of happens a lot with heartbreak, I've noticed. One of the most common things you hear when someone has a heartbreak is I'll just get over it. Or there's a million other people in the world, and that's the last thing that you want to hear in that moment. And then comes the next question: when are you dating again? And it could be the next day or the next week after the heartbreak.

Amanda Parker: 04:19

What would you say is a better way to approach that? If you have someone in your life who's experiencing heartbreak or heartache, what would you say that, yeah, a better question or a better way to show up for them would be?

Saguna: 04:33

I think one of the most beautiful ways is just having that presence and validating the emotion that they're feeling in that moment. I mean, that's for every emotion that we feel. I've learned that to validate what someone is feeling is the most um relaxing and restful feeling that you don't have to explain what you're sell what you're feeling. You don't have to justify what you're feeling, and you don't have to over-explain or hide. So I think that really helps. And it depends on you know how the person is, but sometimes they just need to cry and then nothing needs to be said. You just need to be there and not fix.

Amanda Parker: 05:09

Oh gosh, that's like a lesson for life now. The fixing, because we we really have been so trained just to try to fix to fix other people, to fix ourselves, to fix a situation. It's it does feel a bit like an addiction in society that like you can't just be with someone because if they're uncomfortable, you're uncomfortable. So, what can you do to make both of you less uncomfortable? Exactly.

Saguna: 05:38

Yeah, that's a huge challenge, acceptance and not fixing, you know. And that that also comes in as a lesson in relationships.

Amanda Parker: 05:45

That how can we think I think you're channeling right now because I'm like, yes, how do we do that?

Saguna: 05:52

But it is very hard as well, right? It's really hard because when you want the dishes done with your partner in the house and they are not moving for 24 hours, then you get into fixing mood, right?

Saguna: 06:05

Why haven't you done this yet? Yeah, it's it's a challenge, it's a it's a game that we play, we've got to figure out how do we accept ourselves. And once we accept ourselves, we can do that to our partners, to our friends, to others. And that's the journey of self-love is just really holding yourself and accepting every part of yourself. And Louise has kind of always been that inspiration. I mean, I accept and approve of myself, and no matter how many times you say it, something comes up where you don't accept yourself.

Amanda Parker: 06:35

I have uh actually on my phone screen, I'm just pulling it up because it says I don't like you can read it actually, but I love and approve of myself. Everyone's like, Why do you have a picture of yourself on your home screen? I'm like, because I love and approve of myself, and that's it.

Saguna: 06:49

Yes, and it's it's a daily practice again, like just like the daily action. It is a daily practice for us to love and accept ourselves. I find it challenging even now. There are days where you know you do something, you're you've made a mistake, and you're like the first or your to-do list. My to-do list is my greatest enemy towards myself, like just loving myself. And now I'm overcoming that because we all have that. And when I look at it and I'm like, oh, you haven't completed it, you still haven't done it. That's another thing with heartbreaks. It's just it kind of freezes your body, it freezes your mind, it freezes your heart. So I've had friends, clients who come in and they're like, Oh, I I can't, I don't have energy to do anything. But that's because you've just had such a huge crumbling, like your heart is shattered, and your body responds to that too. So then you suddenly have, of course, uh loads of dishes and laundries just laying there, and then you start that self-loathing where you're like, Oh, you can't even do this, and you know, but it's just because the heart is so shattered, it freezes, you know, you can't move. So it's like when you fractured a leg, you don't expect yourself to run.

Amanda Parker: 07:56

It reminds me, what you're saying reminds me of, I think it's an excerpt from The Untethered Soul from Michael Singer. And he talks about uh like how energy, I don't remember the exact context because I actually read it so long ago now, but how our energy, it's not a fixed thing. And he talks about have you ever noticed that, you know, if you're going through heartache or you've had a breakup and suddenly like your house like falls into disrepair, everything's messy, everything's dirty, you're not showering, the laundry doesn't get done. And if that person calls you and they're like, hey, I want to get back together, I made a huge mistake, all of a sudden you've got this massive amount of energy and you're like high on life, and how how quickly that can change based on well, the state of your heart, but also the circumstance that you're facing.

Saguna: 08:44

Absolutely. And it's just holding yourself with compassion in those moments and that we don't hear enough of, you know, and imagine you have to show up at work tomorrow just looking, behaving, feeling normal, and yeah, just carry on with life. But that's not what's happening. And then that impacts your behavior, that impacts your decision-making ability. So imagine how many broken hearts you can just take a uh a check one day wherever you walk into your workplace and be like, how many of these hearts would be so shattered and broken right now? So that even sitting in a meeting room, you're not expecting big performance 24-7 from a person.

Amanda Parker: 09:22

So when you say um hold yourself in compassion or be compassionate with yourself, what what does that actually mean? What does that look like practically?

Saguna: 09:32

The first thing, when your house is falling apart and it's a mess, you don't beat yourself over it. You can't even do this.

Amanda Parker: 09:39

So it's like that self-talk, that inner dialogue.

Saguna: 09:41

That inner dialogue that can become actually worse rather than better. So, how can we just be compassionate with ourselves? And I've had so many clients walk in here, friends we've seen, where the grief can last for a long time. They're like, Oh, we broke up two months ago and it should be fine now, or we broke up a year ago and it should be fine now. Why am I still feeling all these emotions? Because grief moves through in phases, and then sometimes it can really come up still a year later, two years later, three years later. And that compassion requires not having that timeline for healing. That's been very challenging for for me to do that also, and I noticed that with a lot of um yeah, clients that I see, like it's been five years now. Am I still feeling this way? But it's okay to honor that.

Amanda Parker: 10:29

So now I know the questions are rising because it is for me as well. Like, how did you get into this kind of work? What what made you say, I really want to focus on love and helping people through heartache, you know?

Saguna: 10:45

Well, it's um it's been a journey, right? You can imagine what led here, led me here.

Saguna: 10:54

Continuous string of heartbreaks, right? Um, but not just in uh a romantic relationship, but it's also in friendships, also with uh with your childhood wounds. Your heart is present through different relationships in life, and there are different kinds of heartbreaks. Uh so I think one of the greatest transformation for me has been um just to overcome my inner child wounds that I had. And the crumbling began in 2019, but the building, like my entire building, crumbled completely when I gave birth. So it was like I didn't know uh what I was doing, where I was, who I was anymore, you know what I wanted to do. Of course, motherhood is an identity shift, it's a transformation, but for me it was also just a crumbling, and then I had to read almost like imagine the land is cleared eventually, and then you say, Okay, what are we gonna build on top of it? And I was always uh spiritual, but uh of course in a corporate career, and then when that crumbling began, um, I slowly started journeying into that because when you become a mom, also someone that is you know, something that you don't hear enough is that everything that is beneath your entire childhood comes up for you to look at right in front of you, and anything that you haven't looked at, anything that is unhealed, uh, is sitting on your plate, and it's intense. And that's kind of also the building blocks for love and relationships, right? That's where we learn love. How do we receive love? How worthy are we of love? When do we not receive love? Who do you need to be to receive love? Firstly, nothing, but of course, we learn that we need to be something to be loved, you know, and then how we adapt and we change, and then sometimes we go too far from ourselves, from our real selves to yeah, to receive love from others that we forget our own essence.

Amanda Parker: 12:55

There's there's also something I'm hearing in what you're sharing about um when you're going through those big identity shifts, which I I assume most people listening have had in one form or another. I know for myself it's very present right now. Like there's a definite shift from who I've been to who I'm becoming. And there's also a lot of like grief and heartache from that, from letting go just an older version of yourself. I'm getting chills head to toe, even just saying I can feel it too.

Saguna: 13:31

It's like, oh my goodness.

Saguna: 13:32

Yeah.

Amanda Parker: 13:34

Yeah.

Saguna: 13:34

Yeah. So it's just huge, right? Because um it's letting go of everything you've known, everything that feels certain, and then suddenly it's like you're bare. Um, there is a lot of grief around that.

Amanda Parker: 13:48

Well, that's that's interesting because it's we're dovetailing a little bit into the topic of grief. And I know I just I have a few um friends in my circle who are starting to work a lot more closely, like with grief, like what that actually means, what that looks like, but that feels like it's probably a big piece of the work that you do as well.

Saguna: 14:11

It has become in a way, right? Because that's what healing is about. It's about healing the broken parts, broken, they're not really broken, but the places where we needed love and we didn't receive it, you know, and there is grief for not being the person you want it to be, not having the dream that you wanted to have, not having the love the way you want it, you know. There is uh grief is a part of our human journey. So when a child doesn't get a toy, there is tears and there is also grief at some point, or someone takes it away. There is grief in that. Uh, how do you come back from it? You know, and in love, there is so much grief, right? Like when you go through heartbreak, you go through so many phases of that grief as well. To um a not have that life that you envisioned with the person, you know, um, of not having the family you envisioned you would have, of then you have the grief of not being the person that you're not right now. You have the grief for why did I even make that decision? You know, where was I? What was I thinking? That's a phase of heartbreak that we sit in for a really long time. Each one of us, when we have a heartbreak, we're like, Why did I even do that? You know, and you kind of beat yourselves over that. And then what I've realized, one of the most compassionate things to do in that moment is like, I did the best I knew at that time. I was who I was at that time, is also acceptance of that phase and acceptance that it's a part of your journey.

Amanda Parker: 15:46

Ektara heart. What is the space? What does it mean? What does it bring people?

Saguna: 15:53

So ikara ikara means um it's a one-string instrument from India. And for me, what it meant was I was in a breathwork session a couple of years ago, and the name kind of came to me. And and then I looked it up and I was like, oh, it's a one-string instrument, and that signifies for me that all of our hearts are connected in one string. What ikhtara heart brings is just I think a space where you can be when you're going through shifts, when you're crumbling, or when you're going through any stage of love. You know, so whether it's finding love, so you can prepare and you don't walk into love with the rosy images of um Hollywood and what we've learned, or the complete disappointment, or the rosy idealism of our childhood, right? So you can really learn about the ins and outs that when you get together with a person, have you aligned values together? Are you just going based on a feeling? Have you looked at what what our lives could look together for a long-term relationship, right? And then it's of course when you're in that relationship, how do you nurture it? So having that support and that space through cards, through books, through sessions, um, to have that nurturing uh where you can regularly build on your relationships. And then when things don't work out, we do have a heartbreak that you have the right tools or a space to crumble and to get through it.

Amanda Parker: 17:25

So you're really walking people through their love cycles, walking beside them.

Saguna: 17:31

And the foundation of every cycle is just self-love. Because wherever your self-love is, you attract a partner that matches that vibration. You know, I've been in a relationship when I've completely seen no reason to love myself. Like, why would someone ever want to be with me? What is there to love about me? You know, and then you attract a partner that mirrors that relationships are simply mirrors for us. But if we work on our self-love and then you're like, okay, I absolutely love myself right now, you're gonna attract a mirror reflection of that. And the same way when we're in a relationship, our partner's constantly sort of just mirroring. Imagine waking up and just looking in the mirror. So, where is my self-love? That's what my partner is reflecting to me. And the heartbreak is just, of course, the mirror also shattering in a way where you just did not love yourself at some point. Um, not coming from a place of blame, or you know, there's many many reasons why heartbreaks happen, but it can also be a reflection of how a there is the universe guiding you to rebuild yourself and completely love yourself or to rely on yourself, but it's also to kind of start the journey again of loving yourself again. And what will you accept?

Amanda Parker: 18:45

So I'm really curious, you know, why is it that people come in? We we talked a little bit about, you know, is there a possibility to mend relationships? Um, or is it simply that once you can't hear each other anymore, it's like, okay, you know what, let's just end this, wipe this light clean, and I'll begin new with someone else? Or is there really a possibility that when we're looking at the mirror of our partnership or the person that we are, you know, romantically or intimate with that we can actually choose to be different, that we could choose to show up differently. And also, like, isn't that really hard to do? Cause we're already sort of in our patterns together.

Saguna: 19:36

That is actually the hardest point to be in, right? Like when you're already in a relationship and then it needs something, it's it's the toughest point. Of course, the recovery is possible. It's so nice and possible to go back to a very nourishing relationship to build that, but you need two people invested in that. So two people have to want to make it work equally for it to nourish and flourish again, and it's bound to happen in a long-term relationship. Every relationship hits that phase where oof, stuff's not working out, and you know, and that's the point where both can agree to work together on it, and it's also the point where a lot of affairs happen because communication is what's needed at the time to admit and say this is not working out or I need something. And I think in a lot of relationships, because that communication is so hard to do, where you're like, okay, something isn't working out, something isn't right, or I need more, or I need this, instead of having that conversation, sometimes you're so stuck that you actually have an affair, then. And that's where affairs happen. But if you can uh instead, of course, communicate when you're in that difficult position where the relationship is feeling stuck, then of course, then it's a partnership and you communicate with the partner. And if both partners don't take it as it's my fault, but that the relationship needs something again and work on it together. I see a lot of um clients who come uh and they are back together. The relationships you know nourish and flourish later, or they still go through a tough period, but they make it through. Um, but it's gotta have two parties involved and willing to make it work.

Amanda Parker: 21:21

Would you say that people uh the kind the people who come in to see you, like especially as couples, um what would that relationship be compared to going to a couples therapist? So when they're coming to you, what is it that they're looking for that you're providing that would be different from a different kind of like quote unquote intervention or like you know?

Saguna: 21:49

I think I think it's just um a lighter version to therapy, right? So it's like one session where you come in, you pull cards, and you see, I do a very clear reading first. So it's more like reading focused as well. What do I need in in my life? And what does the other person need from me? And then we do the same thing for the other person, is like, what do I need, and what does the other person need from me? It's almost a dance you get to know, and I've seen people open up and have very gentle and beautiful conversations with each other, then and sometimes they're really stuck in an argument, and suddenly, you know, it helps to unlock when you hear it from a third party. So we often get stuck, right? That we're not hearing each other. So then what happens when a third person kind of just relays it back to you? Then you hear it because the emotional charge is out from the card saying it or me saying it, then it's coming from not the partner who's not listening to you at all.

Amanda Parker: 22:50

That's so powerful because I know even like for myself, I pull a card like every day, just what do I need to know today? And my husband and I both started doing that practice. He doesn't do it every day, but for a while he was. Like we would sit, each of us would pull a card and then read it to the other person, like whatever the book said. And it was such a powerful point of just reflection of what's going on. Is this true? How does this relate? So you're giving a space for people to feel safe, to feel held, to have different input, be able to reflect on that. That's so powerful.

Saguna: 23:31

Thank you. And it's just so beautiful to see the unfolding as well. And sometimes there's challenges too, right? There's like, imagine like I fi, I've had some patterns in relationships which are very sticky, you know? And then um, of course, after a heartbreak, you review what was my role in it as well. But can we do that in the relationship too? Can we see what pattern am I so stuck in? And is my partner able to share that in a very gentle way instead of a blame or just shut down? So there's two ways that we know how to communicate, a lot of us, and that's why it just comes either as a blame or it comes as a complete shutdown. So, how can we just uh you know share that in a gentle way? And that kind of happens in a space like this, and it can it definitely helps to work with a therapist as well, right? So this is more like yeah, a one-time gentle guidance, and then sometimes people go into uh longer therapy sessions because you need a lot more, and also you're healing each of your own uh love blueprints, and it kind of has to happen at some point either through the relationship or you know, after or during, but we review our blueprints of how we learned to love, to give love, to receive love. And the most beautiful thing that happens in the space is also just recognizing what the love languages are of each other. I mean, that's the one book that has I feel like oh my god, I wish I knew that 10 years ago, or when before I, you know, even love, ever loved, I should have known what it means to uh have a love language or giving or receiving, right? Because I if you like blue and I keep offering you uh red, it's not gonna help. But I only have red in my bag, so I've gotta figure out how to give you what you need.

Amanda Parker: 25:21

I did read that book, um, The Five Love Languages, and it was also very revelatory, but I think you don't read it until you're experiencing the pain. Like if you had studied that at 10 years old, it wouldn't have changed a thing. I mean, maybe you would have just been more of a giver, but it doesn't mean your partner would have been, you know.

Saguna: 25:44

That's true, that's true.

Amanda Parker: 25:46

So you'd be like, but I'm giving you all the blue. Why don't you see it? And they'd be like, What?

Saguna: 25:53

What is that even? That's what you're doing for me right now. You're just saying it ha whatever happened, you did your best. I'm the dad. Yeah, yeah. So that's that that's what you need from a friend.

Amanda Parker: 26:05

So if you were to describe to your five-year-old self what you do today, how would you describe that?

Saguna: 26:13

That is so cute. Um, it would be to open hearts and connect hearts so that more love, how to love each other again, how to love yourself and how to love each other. And I do tell my son that a lot, he's five, and I tell him that uh you are your own best friend for life. And uh, I would also tell her that, my five-year-old, that you're your own bestie, that you don't change yourself. So if you tell me Amanda says, Sudden, I don't like black on you, so tomorrow I'm gonna wear a pink jumper, and then someone else will say, I don't like pink on you, and then I'll go change into something else. How will you keep adapting? So you've just got to be who you are. So the five-year-old would just be like opening hearts and more spreading more love.

Amanda Parker: 27:01

So if someone is walking down the street and comes into Ektara Heart by accident, because because I know that definitely happened. It was like, ooh, what is this place? And then I came in and I was with one of my good friends, and we just walked around and it almost felt like there was a space to just yeah, let down the day, like let go of the day and just look around, get curious because you have a lot of different ways to engage, like first of all, with the items that you actually sell in the shop, but you also had a beautiful sofa with a deck of oracle cards on the table. And I remember my friend was really looking at the cards. You're like, you're welcome to sit down and you can pull one, and we're like, we can relax here, you know. Like, what is this? Um, so what would you say are, I mean, I'm sure that you have clear offerings, but what are the things you love to help people with when they come in that you're like, oh my God, everyone come get a reading and then a sound healing, and then we're gonna do this.

Saguna: 28:08

Well, honestly, like the idea was to also transform retail in a way, right? That to have a space in retail for our hearts and our relationships. So we have everything, right? We have uh clothes, we have bags, we have shoes, we have everything physical. And then when you're going through something, um, how can you just find a place where you can rest? Like you said, just rest and relax and also connect with your own heart and what you need. So you just already said it beautifully. It's sometimes what each one needs, they receive, you know, in a way. Sometimes someone just wants to connect with the books and the products, and it sparks a conversation with someone they've walked in with, and then they kind of have a laugh about it, or they talk about something, and you know, that's it's just so beautiful to see people connecting in different ways, and then sometimes it's just picking up a card. I think I've seen a smile on every single face when they picked up a card, you know, and I'm scanning that deck.

Saguna: 29:06

That yeah, I've selected that deck for that, you know, reason because it just it's so heartwarming, and every message is so pure and so beautiful that it leaves a smile on your face, you know.

Saguna: 29:17

So I think that oracle card is definitely there, and sometimes it's a conversation. I'm just sitting here and we have a talk chat about something, and it's so healing for both, just like you know, this space as well. And uh then, in terms of sessions, of course, I do sound healing sessions and then crystal energy sessions, which are a bit more intense. So when you're going through some intense work, or you just want to build a lot more self love, we go through um, you know, I work with crystals, so then it's more like Reiki, but it's a crystal energy session. There's stones on different chakras of your body to balance the centers, but also remove everything that's kind of clouding your heart slowly, you know, like pulling the layers off so you can really. Fully love again and feel free. Um, yeah. And then the readings, of course, I offer readings as well. So it depends on when stuck in them. There's a lot of transitions readings, you know, where you're like, should I move countries or not? And how is this relationship for me? And I have some really bubbly clients who'd come every few months and be like, okay, what about this guy now?

Saguna: 30:23

So there's all sorts of there's fun and connection.

Amanda Parker: 30:27

Yeah.

Saguna: 30:30

So it's it's been so heartwarming. It's just heart opening to see how everyone connects with it differently. And that was my reason to have products as well, because it kind of feels safe sometimes, you know, to have those tools. Um, otherwise, I it could just be a studio and a therapy space or you know, a space for my sessions, but I wanted people to have conversations around love as well. And sometimes there's a card open from a connection deck, and that just kind of brings a question for people to just take away and talk about.

Amanda Parker: 30:58

I'm also wondering, because now you've piqued my interest with um, like especially with the deeper, the crystal healing sessions, when there's something that's kind of blocking the heart or clouding the heart and being able to remove that. Would you share some of the tricks up your sleeve? Like you work with crystals, but is there also like some past life stuff that comes up? Are there okay?

Saguna: 31:23

So we're going deeper.

Amanda Parker: 31:24

If you're open to it, I really want to know. Yes.

Saguna: 31:28

Of course. I mean, um, in the crystal energy sessions, in the individual sessions, they can go deeper to of course, uh, there's past life stuff, but there's also just a lot of childhood uh things that come up, are patterns of love, and they can be really sticky and they can have a grip on us, and we don't even realize it sometimes, right? Like so, overgiving or not even feeling worthy of love, for example, uh unraveling a lot of that, and then of course, there's uh past life influences, so I do past life readings, but also in the crystal energy sessions, we look at past life influences, uh, and there's a lot of um, I mean, I healed a lot through uh family constellation work as well, so it does play a role. So when we were talking about leaving a relationship, uh, there's so much that comes up uh in a relationship while relationship is there in your life, which is it can be a past life uh situation, it has to work through the family constellation, you know. Is it really beneficial for you? Yes or no, you know, and there's deeper stuff in that, but I think it really allows you to unlock um the crystal energy sessions to unlock your heart, and sometimes you're just really stuck in a um like the heartbreak and the grief, right? It can also replay, and that can have an impact from a past life or partner cheated on you in your past life, and then you can't get over them.

Amanda Parker: 32:55

And then murdered you, and then imagine.

Saguna: 32:59

Oh my gosh, like this, they they those are very uh intense and interesting as well.

Saguna: 33:06

And how far sometimes it's just talking of self-love is easy, but the patterns are so deep that they need to be moved on an energetic level too, you know.

Amanda Parker: 33:15

This feels so important to share because people who are experiencing like the same relationship patterns over and over, it's one thing to say, okay, you need to learn the lessons and then move on. But honestly, that's not always it. And you you need the outside help. Like, we don't have to figure it out on our own, and we don't have to know the reasons, and we don't even always have to understand it logically. And I say this to myself as well because I so often think, yeah, but I'm a healer, I'm an energy healer, I can do this and that and the other thing, and like, you know, let me just figure it out. And like, I can't, I just can't. And especially with relationships, like when we're in partnership with others, we don't always see ourselves clearly. Like we we can't or we don't understand how many layers. So whether you believe in past lives or not, you can understand that there's different layers of lived experiences or energetic experiences or even things your ancestors have gone through that you won't even know about, but you're still carrying. And I I feel like it's so important to really emphasize that part of your work because it's not just another crystal healing that you're going in, and you know, and a lot of people might not really understand what that nuance is, but like, no, you want to find out why love isn't working or why these kind of loves haven't worked.

Saguna: 34:46

Yes, absolutely. And just giving an example of an ancestral, um, how it's passed down, right? Like in certain ancestral lines, women have just never been loved and respected, or women haven't had freedom. They haven't even had the the space to express themselves, right? So it's it's going down the lines. You're like, oh, my relationships are not working, but it's also sometimes even walking out of a relationship is breaking the cycle. You know, where you say it stops with me. Uh you know, and that can involve yeah, there's cheating, you're you know, involved, or there's yeah, there's different reasons of what has been going on in each of the lines of to your mother, to your mother's mother, you know, and how love has been passed down, and at some point you just it's gotta stop.

Amanda Parker: 35:36

I think like we're just in such an empowered world, and I know that I'm very much a part of this, like as a coach. Like, I really believe we can find our own answers within, but that doesn't mean we don't need help to get there and we don't need support. It just means we don't give our power away to someone else to always have the right way or answer for us. We have to always, you know, make informed choices that this feels good or this doesn't. But um yeah, in like you can see, these are all my like spiritual and like personal growth books sitting behind me. So I read all the books, but that doesn't mean that it answers all the questions.

Saguna: 36:18

Exactly. I mean, I was doing a sound healing session this morning, and the message that came through was when you're going through a storm, you're literally drowning sometimes. Yes, you can swim through it, but sometimes the current is so strong that it's just nice to have a hand pull you out, you're not gonna drown, are you? So if you need to scream for help. And honestly, it doesn't even have to be that bad. I just say that every time we have a heartbreak, we should get support. Like, why is it that when you know it's like okay, yeah, sometimes it's really like a scratch, and then you put a bandit on and it's fine. But if in a physical uh ailment, if you look at okay, if the cut is deeper, you're gonna go to the GP, you're gonna go to the doctor, you're gonna look at something, you're gonna get help for that. So why for our hearts we take it so lightly and we just put a bandit on the deepest cut and then it's just oozing, right? Sorry for the graphic, but it doesn't stop and it's not normalized to get help. And what all we hear is, oh, when are you dating again? And it's gonna be okay, and no, but it's it's just equally hurtful as a physical wound.

Amanda Parker: 37:20

So maybe you can share with us an example of maybe there's one type of client or one situation that you help someone with that, yeah, I'd love to hear some of that power of the work that you're doing, what what's actually possible there?

Saguna: 37:36

Something that's really interesting is that um I did a five-week journey with a couple of clients. So it's uh also workshops that I do and they're called manifest love. So it's more like when you're looking for a partner and you're like, Why is love not coming into my life? And they're really going out into the dating world, nothing is happening. So we did like a five-week journey and we do energy sessions, like either on a weekly basis and sometimes just take a bit of a break. But then through that journey, so many of the patterns are unraveled. You figure out how a you've been overgiving, and it's never that clear, right? It's more for it's it's a realization that comes from within, but you kind of have to take that layers off where setting boundaries has been so important. You've never received the love and just never been accepted for um who you are, uh, to really invite love in, because to welcome love in, we've got to clear out the blocks. It's just roadblocks, right? And one of the blocks and the biggest ones from childhood can just take seat, which is I'm not worthy of love, or I'm not enough, or I need to perform for love, you know, and that performance has to really drop. And so while we were in this five-week container, things that have come up for different clients is of course in one session you're just focusing on the childhood wound or where performance has been so important to receive the love from the parents, and then you shed the performance and you can be who you are. That I don't need to do something to be loved, I don't need to do all this, but I can still be worthy of love. And within the same container, we've looked at a hurt from a past relationship that was probably eight years ago, but the hurt is so alive that it makes you not being able to trust in men again or to trust in the relationship again, and it can become so wide, and then of course you're trying to manifest love and you're trying to meet people, but this piece of you is so the hurt has been active that there's already a building. How are you gonna build on top of it? So you've got to remove that or even store its space in your computer, right? There's limited space if you've got photos from 10 years ago just filling up that space. How are you gonna make new memories and store more photos unless you buy more storage? But assume you can't, you know, in this situation. So, in that container, what we do is we shed these layers, we shed the old relationship from 10 years ago. The hurt is still so alive and so present, and from the childhood, it's so alive and so present. And then has come, like through the journey has come loving yourself. There, that can you actually date yourself? Can you pamper yourself? Can you take yourself out uh on adventures that you've never been on, you know? And um, I think even when we fall in love, one of the biggest challenges is that we don't love ourselves and we don't even know how to spend time with ourselves. Uh, or what do I like? You know, and through the artist's way, I mean, everyone who walks into this space also knows that I'm obsessed with the artist's way. And it's like one of those books that makes loving yourself a fun and easy, you know. And uh you I mean, it's one of the basic things that I have on my Insta account is like, what are the things that bring you joy? How many of us really have that nailed down? That you know, when I'm feeling low here, here are the 10 things that I can make myself happy and not be needy and dependent on the other outside and be like, oh, you need to cheer me up, you know? But how can I lift myself of all of the things that I can do for myself that bring joy? So then we work on that where you learn to completely step into your power and you love yourself. It's almost like rebuilding. And then love can come in, like the gates are open.

Amanda Parker: 41:23

That sounds like a really powerful, you know, it's to be accompanied on that process, I can imagine, because I definitely know some women who have been looking for love and have been in relationships or met people, like I'm really lumping together a lot of you. So don't think I'm speaking about any one person now. Um yeah, and really feel that frustration of not finding the right fit or it just not working, and kind of like, what the hell? Like, why is this not working? You know, is it something I'm doing? Is it like like there almost feels like this block of like, okay, do I need to just give up now? Like, what's the point? And what you're describing sounds like, yeah, you're really accompanying people through that journey to see what's happening, also, like what's actually going on, talking through it and finding ways to really connect in to love yourself more deeply, to clear away the things that have hurt you or been holding you in this like locked position on whatever your belief is about love and giving yourself the freedom and ability to love differently, like to find those relationships differently. Open yourself up to the possibility that it can feel different as well, that you're not obligated to repeat those same patterns over and over and over. I I have my own experience of this, that just in meeting my husband, now we've met like six years ago, we've been married four years, but the kinds of relationships that I kept finding, it wasn't even that everyone was the exact same, but my patterns and the way that I felt and believed kept repeating. And this was the first relationship, it was completely not like that. I had just spent like basically a year soul searching. I became a coach, I trained in Reiki. It was like all this stuff of really pure adventure and love and also hardship, but like finding myself so that by the time that we met, I knew who I was. And obviously that's changed a lot in six years. But at that moment when we met, he had also gone through his own process of knowing himself. So when we actually met, it was like we weren't trying to fix ourselves through the other.

Saguna: 43:53

And that's the core of it. Like when we know and love ourselves, that time is so essential. And we don't do that at 18 or we don't do that at 23, or sometimes we just don't because we're in go, go, go mode, right? Or we're like the other will love me, and that's how I will learn to love myself. But that time to know yourself and really build yourself and you attract a match, and that's why it's essential to do the work, even to know how to love, right? When you get into the job market, you get a degree, yeah.

Saguna: 44:25

Or when we're serving as healers or coaches, we have studied it. Um, but when we get into love, we haven't even taken the time to study ourselves. We're just like, you better love me exactly as I am, and that's it. That's it, but we haven't soul searched, you know? Like, yeah, that's beautiful.

Saguna: 44:43

Thank you for sharing that as well. You know, that story that so you see that you as you evolve, it's just yeah, yeah.

Amanda Parker: 44:51

It's been, I mean, it's magical for me too, right? That I'm like, I'm in this healthy, happy relationship. Okay. And and there's so much harmony between us, but I like most of my relationships were absolutely not like that at all. So there was this moment of like actually understanding something different or being able to do it different. It's not that I have all the answers and I figured it all out. That's also not my point, but it is just interesting to see that it's possible to to feel different, to engage differently and and find a match in a different place, you know? Exactly.

Amanda Parker: 45:32

Yeah.

Amanda Parker: 45:33

Don't give up hope, everyone. Love is there waiting for you.

Saguna: 45:37

And we are totally worthy of it, you know. And it's like as we also learn to love ourselves, it's so important to not see that I'm broken and I need to be fixed. No, it's just pouring into yourself, like really nourishing.

Amanda Parker: 45:50

So, what is something that you wish you had known when you were starting out?

Saguna: 45:55

You have my whole list. Give me as many as you've got. That's the best thing.

Saguna: 46:05

Okay, thank you for that question. I just wish uh that I knew that my happiness is not someone else's job, and for that I needed to know how to be happy myself, how to make myself happy, how to enjoy my own company and not just constantly looking out. So I think that would have been just so amazing, and I wish I did love myself. Like I realized that before yeah, ever being ready to love, to realize that I actually did not love myself. So I was like, Oh, I'm not talented enough, I'm not beautiful enough, no one's gonna love me. Remember, I mentioned it earlier as well. So, if instead of all of that, I realized that's not a great starting point for love, because if I don't love me, I'm just gonna attract a reflection. How can I love myself? I would have just done the work then, you know, and that's that's the biggest regret of my life. Why did I not find the artist's way when I was 20? So I think that's of course like the biggest is just knowing and loving yourself so that you don't rely on the other's lens to also see yourself through someone else's lens. So, oh, I like pink, then I'll wear pink. No, to know that I I just love black and I'm gonna wear that. So this is who I am, and really feeling good about that. And as you grow, it would be so nice if I knew that it's so important to ask so many questions when you meet someone, right? It's not just about attraction, but it's also really getting to know the person. It's someone you're building a life together with, assume, right? You're getting into the relationship with that intention. Then are your values aligned? What is your value? And what are your needs in a relationship? Uh and the values can be different, and but then you match them. Like, is freedom important to you? Is respect important to you? Is honesty very important to you? You know, and where and food, clothing, shelter. I always say that now. I have a model for relationship, which is the Maslow's law. Food, clothing, shelter. Have you aligned on just those? That if a person wants to live in the countryside and your partner wants is a city person and never wants to move out, when the attraction fades and issue phase is gone, you're just gonna yearn for the country if you're in the city, and eventually you're gonna want to lead the partnership there, but it won't go there because the other person is absolutely in love with the city. And the same with food in, you know. So just asking questions about food, clothing, shelter, and each other's dreams. How will you support each other's dreams? Because that's also part of who you are, and it needs to be nourished from both parties. So the individuality and then the partnership. So there is a we, but there is always two eyes in the we to never lose the two eyes. Because as I'm happy in my health and my career and my, you know, in how I feel, I can share. And we notice that in relationships, when one thing is falling off for one person is when there is some hardships that come in. Like if I'm not feeling great about my career at all, how I'm not feeling my best self, of course, that impacts the relationship too. And then you of course support each other and you dance through that, but yeah, it's also uh it's an it's a it's a part of the equation. So the individual flourishing is so important for the flourishing of the relationship.

Amanda Parker: 49:15

It's so important too, if you look at um, you know, the older generations, people who are maybe in their 80s now, and take a look at relationships and see what's working or not, or just see where resentments are or joy is. And I can think of a few examples on both sides, right? Where like each other's happiness was always paramount, and it doesn't matter what they're doing, they just find the joy and happiness and love in the day-to-day, or in situations where one person completely sacrificed their happiness to help build the other, maybe for their career or their creative endeavors and the way that life looks on that end, and there is a big difference. So, what is one thing that you're really looking forward to in the future?

Saguna: 50:06

What am I looking forward to? Is I think just sharing the love more and more, like building on this dream that I have right now, that also we can actually it's to ground nourishing love here so we can have healthy relationships. The divorce rate right now is 50%. Forget the breakup rate. We don't have the statistics on that. But I'm looking forward to building healthy love templates.

Amanda Parker: 50:33

I love that.

Saguna: 50:34

Yeah.

Amanda Parker: 50:35

You heard it here, maybe not first, but almost. Um, really, I to everyone who's listening, I highly encourage, especially if you're in Amsterdam, please go check out Ektara Heart. If you just want to learn more about Saguna's work or to have a session or just any of these questions that you have about what we talked about, about love, about heartache, about how to love yourself more, you can go check out her website. So all of that's going to be linked in the show notes. But just give us the URL so that they can hear it once.

Saguna: 51:13

Yes, it's www.ikhtaraheart.com.

Amanda Parker: 51:18

So you'll have the link to all of that in the show notes, but definitely I highly recommend uh a session with Saguna, but also just being able to go into that space and really feel the love that's absolutely infused there.

Saguna: 51:33

Oh thank you.

Amanda Parker: 51:35

Are there any last parting words of advice that you want to share, or has it all been said?

Saguna: 51:42

I think we really shared it. It's just, I think the only thing for all of us to remember is that the foundation of love is the self and loving yourself and um just coming home within, you know, taking that journey and it's very hard. So hold yourself through it. And secondly, like I think what you already said, get help. You know, when it feels broken, when you're finding it and it feels hard, get support and help. Like we don't have to do it alone. Yeah, the journey of love doesn't have to be alone.

Amanda Parker: 52:16

Thank God for that. So thank you so much for being here and sharing so much wisdom with us. I know this is gonna be, you know, we're coming into the autumn season here in the northern hemisphere. So this is definitely a topic on a lot of people's minds.

Saguna: 52:33

Thank you, Ronda, for holding space and also sharing your hog.

Amanda Parker: 52:37

So to everyone who's listening, thank you for tuning in to this week's episode, and I will see you next time. Thanks for tuning in to today's episode of Don't Step on the Bluebells. If you enjoyed this conversation, please give the podcast a five star rating wherever you listen. And don't forget to hit subscribe and follow along so you never miss a new episode.