When Sexuality is Celebrated vs. Scrutinized

Sexual confidence is empowering...until it isn't. 

In this episode, I explore why some women are applauded for their openness while others are reduced, judged, or dismissed for the same thing. 

Looking at examples like Alex Cooper and Dakota Johnson, I break down the role of status, perception, and "protection" in how female sexuality is received. 

This isn't about morality--it's about why the same behavior gets labeled so differently. 

Transcript

Welcome back to Unscripted…a calm take on the double standard.

I’m Jenn.

And today, we’re talking about why some women are celebrated for their sexuality…while others are judged for it. 

But before we get there—

I think you have to understand something first….

How life experiences changes your relationship with approval….

And what it means to be misunderstood

Part 1: PERSONAL REFLECTION & EVOLUTION

There was a version of me that lived in constant fight or flight. 

A single mom of three….always bracing for the next financial problem.

And if I could sit across from her today…

The only thing I’d say is

You’re gonna be alright. 

This episode isn’t about defending a platform. 

It’s about evolution.

It’s about how life experience changes the way you see judgment…

Sexuality…

Stability…

And what it really means to stand on your own.

I didn’t set out to be the black sheep.

But looking back….I’ve spent a lot of my life outside of approval.

When I was younger, I dated someone my world didn’t approve of.

I lost friends.

I lost acceptance from the people I thought would always be there…my family

And that experience taught me something early—-

What it feels like to stand outside of belonging.

Later in life….being a single mother of three

Brought a different kind of isolation.

Financial anxiety.

Living paycheck to paycheck.

Constant survival mode.

And somewhere in all of that…

I became self-reliant.

Not because I wanted to be—

But because I had to be.

I’m not trying to erase the single mother of three who lived in survival mode

I’m integrating her! 

That woman:

Hustled

Protected

Endured

Stayed hyper-aware

She built the woman who can now be calm and strategic. 

That’s evolution.

So when someone reduces me to “onlyfans woman”

I feel like they’re erasing 

Single mother of three

Years of survival wiring

Economic anxiety

Growth

Strategy

Reflection

That’s what I’m pushing back against.

Not morality.

Reduction.

When I really step back and look at my life…

There’s a pattern.

Only child—self -reliance

Rejected for dating outside the norm—social exile

Single mother—survival mode.

And now…

Building income in unconventional ways—

Another form of moral judgement.

Different versions of the same experience.

And I think that’s important to say out loud.—

This isn’t the first time I’ve been misunderstood.

It just looks different now.

When I was a teenager…

There was disgust around who I loved.

And I can honestly say that if my mother was still alive, she would probably disown me again.

I understand the cultural line that I crossed. I’m not naive about that. I didn’t drift here accidentally.

Now as an adult…

There is disgust around how I earn.

Different context—

Same emotional pattern.

I understand the discomfort. I understand the instinctive disgust. What I question is why that instinct so quickly erases a woman’s complexity? 

And what I realized is…

I didn’t become someone who avoids that feeling.

I became someone who survives it.

And that’s why this doesn’t break me the way people think it should.

Because I’ve felt this before.

I’ve already lost approval once

And I lived.

At some point, something shifts.

You realize…

Approval is conditional.

And survival? 

Doesn’t depend on it.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

There’s still a small part of me that says

I wish it hadn’t been that hard.

But that’s not bitterness.

That’s reflection.

Because the stronger part of me says—

But I handled it.

And that’s where resilience comes from. 

I’m not the black sheep because I chose authenticity

Over approval…

more than once

And yes—

That comes with a cost.

But it also comes with something else—

Autonomy.

And that’s something my younger self

Didn’t fully have.

But I do now.

And I think that’s what makes the conversation around sexuality so complicated…

Because not all expression is judged equally.

Some women are celebrated for it.

Others are scrutinized for the same thing—

Just packaged differently

And that’s where I want to go next. 

Sexual confidence is empowering ….

Until it isn’t .

Where do we celebrate sexuality? 

This question came up for me recently when I watched the Alex Cooper documentary. 

I watched a room full of people erupt in applause

Over a woman describing her sexual history.

And there was a moment on stage where she joked about giving really good oral sex—applause! The crowd went wild.

And what surprised me wasn’t the story—

It was the reaction.

Because I knew, instinctively..

If is said the same thing, 

The response would be very different.

And that made me ask a harder question—

What actually determines 

Whether a woman’s sexual openness

Is celebrated…or shamed?

I’m not saying

She shouldn’t be applauded

Sexual confidence is wrong.

I’m asking why does status seem to protect some women from judgment? 

There’s a hierarchy in how society ranks sexual expression.

There are categories that society tends to create:

Married woman telling a past story….confident

Podcast host being explicit….bold

Actress in sex scenes….art

Only fans creator……low value

Escort …..dirty

Porn star….disposable

And just to be clear—

I’m not saying those are the same things.

I’m talking about perception…not equivalence.

Because society assigns different meanings,

Different value, 

And different levels of respect—

To what is, at its core, still sexual expression

And you see this play out in other areas too…

Even in music—

Where lyrics that objectify women can be celebrated—

Depending on who’s saying it.

Same sexuality .

Different labels.

Back to the heirarchy…there’s a heirarchy when it comes to how women are allowed to express sexuality. And most of us know exactly where we fall in it. 

A married podcast host can describe her college sex life and get applause. An Only Fans creator says something similar and respect 

Leaves the room.

The moment a woman monetizes directly, her status changes. Not necessarily because of the behavior—

But because of the structure around it.

Sex is everywhere.

Intimacy is woven into mainstream entertainment. Movies.

Television.

Music videos.

Advertising. 

We see love scenes. Kissing. Nudity. Suggestive marketing. 

And most of the time, it’s accepted as storytelling. Or art. Or branding. 

No sarcasm.  Just facts.

But when a woman chooses to present herself intentionally

When she controls the platform…

When she benefits directly from the visibility

Suddenly the tone shifts. 

It becomes about dignity

About self-respect

About morality

I’m not saying all contexts are identical.

But I do find it interesting that intimacy framed as entertainment is normalized…

When intimacy framed as autonomy is often criticized. 

So i keep coming back to this question….

Why does context change how we judge it?

Maybe it’s not the intimacy itself that makes people uncomfortable

Maybe it’s who controls it

We seem more at ease when intimacy is filtered through Hollywood

Producers. Directors—

Than when a woman directs herself. 

This makes me wonder sometimes—

The same people who talk about dignity and objectification….

Do they stop watching movies with love scenes? 

Do they stop respecting actors who film intimate moments for entertainment? 

I don’t think these conversations are simple

But i do think it’s worth examining why our reactions shift so dramatically depending on context. 

And I’m not saying that every form of sexual content is exactly the same. 

But I do think it’s interesting that when intimacy is part of mainstream entertainment, it’s called art.

When it’s self-directed, it’s called degrading. 

We seem very comfortable with sex as entertainment —- as long as we’re not uncomfortable with who controls it. 

Lead me to another question…

Is empowerment conditional?

Who decides which women are “empowered” vs. “degraded” ? 

Who gets to be sexual and still be respected? 

Again, sexual confidence is empowering— until it isn’t. 

And what determines that shift isn’t morality. It isn’t behavior. It’s status. 

When a woman is already:

Successful

Married

Platformed

Protected by brand

Her sexuality becomes framed as:

Confident

Humorous

Empowered

But when a woman without those shields says the same thing, it can be framed as :

Desperate

Vulgar

Low value

And this brings me to another example:

It was a Calvin Klein ad—

Dakota Johnson was in underwear, topless, with her hair covering her chest….

Posed in a way that’s clearly meant to be sensual.

It’s suggestive. It’s provocative. 

But it’s also very polished. Very controlled. 

It was the reaction that stood out. 

Men and women were commenting on how beautiful she looked…

How confident she seemed..

How effortless it felt. 

There was no language of  “too much” 

No questioning of her character…

No reduction of her to the moment.

Just admiration. 

And that’s where the difference again becomes really clear—

The same level of exposure…

The same level of sexuality…

But completely different interpretations. 

Because when a woman is already established….

Already respected….

Already protected by status, brand, or success—

Her sexuality is framed as intentional,

It’s art.

It’s confidence.

It’s empowerment. 

But when a woman without those layers of protection

Expresses that same sexuality—

The framing changes. 

Suddenly it’s not confidence. 

It’s desperation. 

It’s not empowerment.

It’s attention seeking. 

It’s not art. 

It’s something to be judged. 

Not because the behavior is different….

But because the woman is. 

And as someone whose sexuality is associated with a platform like Only Fans, I’m very aware that the same expression would likely be received differently coming from me. 

What exactly changes when sexuality becomes monetized directly? 

I’d love to hear your opinions. 

There’s something humbling about realizing you occupy a lower rung in a moral hierarchy you didn’t create. 

Only Fans is stigmatized because it commodifies intimacy. 

People are uncomfortable because something that is usually private and emotional is being turned into something you can buy. 

To break that down further: 

Intimacy = sexual attention, flirtation, nudity, emotional closeness, access

Commodify= turn something into a product that is bought and sold

People are uncomfortable when intimacy is openly sold.

Some people believe sex loses dignity when it becomes a product.

It feels different when sexual attention has a price tag.

There’s discomfort around putting a dollar amount on something usually ties to love or commitment. 

When people say only fans commodifies intimacy, i think that’s a fair criticism. There is a direct exchange. There’s no pretending otherwise. But what I find interesting is how quickly that visibility strips a woman of dignity —as if visibility itself is the moral line. 

So when I think about the stigma, i think it’s about moral judgment

Disgust reaction

Status demotion

Fear of destabilizing traditional structures. 

It’s the disgust reaction that hits me the hardest though. 

When people react to Only Fans with:

That’s gross

Have some self-respect

Her parents must be proud. 

That’s disgust + status demotion. 

And disgust has always been one of the strongest tools societies use to police sexuality.

When intimacy is visibly priced, it triggers something. Not just disagreement—

But revulsion. 

And revulsion often translates into status loss. 

I’m not arguing people are wrong for feeling discomfort. 

I’m examining how disgust becomes moral hierarchy. 

Disgust doesn’t automatically mean something is immoral. It means something violated a norm they were conditioned to treat as private or sacred. 

Because if someone feels disgust, it doesn’t mean;

You are dirty

You lack dignity

You are morally inferior.

And I understand that when someone says “that’s disgusting”, they are usually reacting to

The explicitness

The transaction

The removal of romanticism

The idea of intimacy being shared with strangers. 

And maybe they’re not actually reacting to you as a human being

But because identify is attached, it feels personal 

When someone hears “onlyfans” and immediately thinks:

Low value

No self-respect

Disgusting

What they’re doing is compressing a full human being into a single category.

That’s what stings. 

I understand the discomfort around visible transaction. I understand the instinctive disgust. What I question is why that instinct so quickly overrides everything else about a woman. 

So we often reduce only fans to sexuality. But fore me, the bigger shift wasn’t sexual—it was economic. Financial stability changed my nervous system. 

Because money and nervous system regulation are real. 

When you’re not constantly worrying about survival, you think differently. 

You speak differently. 

You move differently. 

That’s not ideology.

That’s psychology. 

Financial fear keeps the brain in flight or fight.

Financial stability allows reflection. 

So this podcast may not even exist if I were still in survival mode. 

I’m not saying everyone should do onlyfans. 

I’m saying this is what it did for me. 

Financial stability slowed my mind down. 

I’m NOT saying only fans made me morally superior. 

I’m saying it gave me financial stability, and financial stability gave me peace. 

Before Only fans I would describe myself as:

Naive

Sheltered

Financially anxious

Spiraling about money

Living paycheck to paycheck

After Onlyfans:

Grounded

Slower

More selective

Not chasing every dollar

I’m not romanticizing the platform.

I’m aware:

That it carries stigma

It carries risk

It carries instability

It carries judgment

But it also carried opportunity.

Financial stability changes your nervous system—and losing it would activate it again. That’s not weakness. That’s biology. 

Even if my income changed tomorrow, Now I:

Know I’m capable of earning

Know I can take calculated risks.

Know what it feels like to be stable

Know what decisions feel like when they’re not driven by fear!

This was the path that worked for me. It wasn’t impulsive. It was considered. 

And when someone says,

You could’ve made money another way.

I won’t debate that. 

I’d say maybe. But this was the path I chose after careful thought. And it changed my life in ways that go beyond income. 

The before me:

Financial anxiety

Survival mindset

Reactive decision making

Sheltered worldview

The after me:

Economic stability

Slower nervous system

Intentional decisions

I don’t separate that growth from the platform that allowed it. 

Financial stability empowered me. Onlyfans was the vehicle. 

Here’s how my understanding of sexuality, dignity, and hierarchy has evolved over time. 

Ten years ago or maybe even five years ago, I would’ve heard that applause and felt threatened by it. Today I hear it, and I analyze it. 

To me, that signals growth. 

the old version of me

Maybe more defensive

Maybe more combative

Maybe more wounded

the new version of me:

Curious

Analytical

Slower

Less reactive

And the bigger realization:

The issue isn’t disgust.

It isn’t marriage. 

It isn’t transaction. 

It’s reduction. 

And I refuse to reduce myself. 

That’s evolution. 

I’m trying to embody:

I can survive

I can evolve

I can calm my nervous system

I can grow out of fight or flight

I can become strategic instead of reactive

I can build stability

I can make imperfect choices and still build dignity

I’m not saying do what I did;

I’m saying 

Whatever your path is—don’t stay stuck in survival mode if you don’t have to.

Single moms

Divorced women

Women starting over at 50

Women rebuilding after loss

Women changing careers

Women walking away from things.

It’s not about Only fans.

It’s about evolution under pressure. 

Lastly, 

There was a version of me who lived in constant fight or flight. She was exhausted. She was scared. She was responsible for everyone. And I wish I could sit across from her now and tell her—you’re going to be okay. You’re going to find stability and slow down. And one day, you’re gonna be proud. 

I’m not proud because life was easy. 

I’m proud because I endured. 

I didn’t allow bad things. I navigated them. 

One day at a time, even when my nervous system was on fire.

That’s resilience.

I don’t need everyone to understand my choices. I just need to understand them myself. And I do.  

Before I wrap up, I want to share a small update about the podcast. Going forward, I’m going to release new episodes every other week instead of every week on Thursday. I want to make sure each conversation is thoughtful and intentional. And this schedule will give me the space to do that. 

Next episode, I’ll be talking about age. What is the visibility expiration date. 

See you then! Thanks for listening!