Synergy

Rock Climbing to Real Connections: The Synergy of Adventure and Relationships

• Daniel & Alicia • Season 1 • Episode 12

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Ever wondered what hanging off a cliff can teach you about your relationship? After discovering surprising truths about each other through rock climbing adventures, we, Alicia and Dan, realized that this challenging sport mirrors real life in many ways. Trust, both self-trust and trust in the other, is the key to scaling both literal and metaphorical cliffs. 

Now, here's a promise - we're not just talking about adrenaline-pumped sports in this episode of Synergy. We're diving deep into the essence of relationships, starting from the value of date nights to the importance of a sturdy support team. But remember, date nights aren't band-aids to fix things, they're channels to build deeper connections. And while you're at it, why not step out of the comfort zone and turn your post-date conversations into opportunities for learning about each other? As we wrap up, we leave you with a memento - the importance of reflecting on your relationship, marvelling at the past, assessing the present, and planning for a bright future together. So, join us, go on a date night, and share your journey with us - we're all ears!

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Speaker 1:

One, two, three, four. Welcome to Synergy, the podcast where we uncover the secrets to successful relationships, effective leadership and transformative parenting. I'm your host, Alicia.

Speaker 2:

And I'm Dan, and we'll deep dive into relationships, friendships and, most importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves. Together, we'll explore different strategies, techniques and approaches that can help you achieve synergy in every aspect of your life.

Speaker 1:

Stay curious, keep learning and embrace the power of Synergy. Niko Niko Yo, Welcome to as One Podcast.

Speaker 2:

Synergy, Synergy. We're going to talk about date nights and just dates in general, I think, not just date nights.

Speaker 1:

But we're going to also talk about what we can learn about each other on dates. So I want to tell you a story. When Daniel and I first met, as most of you know and if you don't, we were long distance for two whole years. So I am originally from Adelaide, daniel was from Melbourne and we were doing, every two weeks, two weeks yeah.

Speaker 1:

Around every two weeks we would go to each other's hometowns and we'd spent a whole week in there. But one time we planned a trip to see Daniel's brother, who lives in Perth, and we went to Rotnest Island. Is this where all of that was happening? Yeah, yeah. And then we oh no, prior to that sorry, I'm skipping ahead prior to that we had gone rock climbing in Melbourne and we were like, when we did it, we were like how cool would it be if we could learn something about each other through this. So we did rock climbing and then we somewhat like I don't want it to sound very businessy, but we debriefed what we learned about one another.

Speaker 2:

I think that's just the way that we are. But I think, see, the thing with these types of activities, when couples do them, is you can just go and do rock climbing and have a great experience, which is also fun. You can actually like look at how you behave in that experience and you get to know that person. A lot of things of what happened on the wall of rock climbing play out in real life, yeah. And when you talk about that, it's like, wow, is that why you did that? So?

Speaker 2:

let's get into it and let's open up the rock climbing experience for us and what are brought for us as a couple and learning about one another. Go, you go first. Well what are we talking about? It was some time ago now.

Speaker 1:

It was a long time ago, but I don't know that we can get into it. I don't remember the intricate details of what I learned about you. Do you remember that about me? Because?

Speaker 2:

it was like four years ago. Yeah, a couple of things that come to mind. One of the things was who goes first? Do you remember that?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, which totally plays out in our life now. Yeah, doesn't it?

Speaker 2:

So, and again I'm trying to think back, four years ago it was longer than that.

Speaker 1:

It was like five years ago, six years ago maybe.

Speaker 2:

So it was something where I was like all right, well, you go first and you try. Do you remember who?

Speaker 1:

And I was like no, I'm not going. I would never have gone first, not rock climbing. I know myself it wouldn't have been me. Yeah, it would have been you, yeah.

Speaker 2:

So, being a bit of an adrenaline junkie, I don't really mind jumping out of a plane or rock climbing a wall first, but this is also something we learned about each other.

Speaker 1:

So Daniel has had multiple surgeries on broken bones and I've never broken a bone. I've never been in hospital and I'm just not that type of person I would never put myself.

Speaker 2:

I've had seven general anesthetics. They say they take like 10 years off your life, so I should be dead by now.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. So like the difference in that, like you were all for rock climbing, I was like I'm fucking shitting myself yeah, I've done rock climbing before. But like you were like go to the top, go to the top, I'm like no, no, no, and it took me like four goes to get to the top.

Speaker 2:

Why I love rock climbing so much is because you've literally got your partner's life in your hands with a rope.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's not really.

Speaker 2:

Let's just make it bigger than what it is, Because there's you know what, if you need to know.

Speaker 1:

Yes, it's a trust element.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Like if you want to measure how much trust is in your relationship rock climbing with your partner.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but and I always bring it back to this it's actually not about your partner, it's how much you trust yourself. That's debatable, you reckon?

Speaker 2:

Well, I don't know when because, like, let's look at the activity right. Yeah, so, as you're going about, yeah, okay as you're going up the wall, your partner's there holding the tension on the rope. Now there's not much tension there. If you come off and fall, you're gonna. You know you drop a bit before the rope catches you. So you know if your partner's being quite nice, they can actually assist you up the wall by pulling the rope a bit tighter and helping.

Speaker 1:

Helping you get up the wall and what would that be teaching the person, though?

Speaker 2:

Well, this is the thing, because if you've got a partner that overly helps and overly Supportive, you know they're probably gonna, you know, hoist them up the wall. But if you've got a partner that's like, oh okay, you, you weren't that kind to me the other day, so you know, I'm just gonna let you do this on your own and I'm in control here.

Speaker 1:

So you got this on your own and you can do it. I don't need you to. I don't need to assist you or.

Speaker 2:

There's so many things that highlights right. It highlights trust, it highlights control, hmm, yes, and it also highlights a lot about your mindset and how you go about life, because if you're gonna anticipate, now I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna kill it and get to the top. I mean, that's just a, that's just a psychology you apply to life. Really.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but it's also relevant to how fit you are and it's there's a lot of yeah, a lot of things that go into that. It's not like you can go. Oh, I'm gonna manifest, I'm gonna go to the top, but like I haven't.

Speaker 2:

Exercise in ten years. Well, if I said to you, Leishka, though you know, like hang on a sec, I'm just gonna connect with the universe and work my way to the top. Yeah, but I already at the top and you're.

Speaker 1:

I'm at the top in my mind. No, if you had asked me a year ago, hmm, I would have been like there's no way I can get to the top. If you asked me now because I've been training, I'd be like, yeah, I can get there, do not? I mean so anyway. So about like, I think rock climbing is done, we're done with that. Done with that. Yeah, but there was also another, another.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, this rock next island.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah there was also another time when we went to Rotnest Island and, without realizing, it was a real relationship building exercise for us. So we hired a tandem bike.

Speaker 2:

What an activity. I'll tell you what if I ever ran a retreat with couples tandem bike riding?

Speaker 1:

100%, because it's such a team effort. Yeah, I do remember the time when you were going up the hill and I was like really trying, and you're like you're not fucking, you're like are you even pushing? I was like, yes, are you?

Speaker 2:

but I want to highlight one thing about and you know there's a similarities in tandem bike riding to what we're talking about with rock climbing. Yeah, who takes a steering wheel? Yeah, who drives?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, Because we took it in turns I think we did.

Speaker 2:

But yeah and this plays out a lot in life. If you, you're very much the type of person that, if it's a first for you, I need to watch someone. Yeah, you're like no, I'm not going first, but if it's like you've, done it second. Oh yeah, you won't get you. Same thing with like everything, everything, literally everything.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah. So, which really puzzles me, because when I think about life in general, it's so uncertain. It's like how do you and that's what I say to you as a joke Sometimes I'm like, how have you lived this far without you know stuffing it up because you've done so many things first but you don't trust yourself in certain things to go first. Right, yeah, so let's go back to tandem bike riding anyway. So we're riding around Mindjoo, Rotnest Island what a place in Australia. It's beautiful. It leads little quackers. They look like I'm going to make them sound revolting, but a rat crossed with a possum.

Speaker 1:

But like that was a bit of a that was a bit of a relationship moment to, because I'm not an animal person.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and you're like oh, they're so cute.

Speaker 1:

I'm like they're not cute. Get them away from me. We should put the little quokka photo, because I looked like a quokka that day.

Speaker 2:

Maybe that'd be the picture for the podcast. Yes, and I've always said that Leisha looks like a quokka, because when she did, when she was laughing at, that quokka was smiling next to her there's a lot of similarities there.

Speaker 1:

Oh, it's funny. We'll put it up so you can see it's hilarious.

Speaker 2:

So whilst we've been, you know, in the early phases of dating, going out, doing activities and I think a lot of couples do that when they're first meeting each other, you know we're trying to highlight.

Speaker 1:

I haven't actually done that in a long time, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Well, parenting. I mean, there's a, there's a, there's an adventure in that.

Speaker 2:

No, I'm saying that that's an adventure in its own you know, but I think in the early phases there's so many activities and things that you can do as a couple and then you know if you're open enough to talking about it and going oh this, why did this and why did you do that. And you know you really get to see greater levels of depth, a depth of how your partner is and what happens. And you know, like we were saying, that translates to everyday life of certain things. I'm just trying to, I'm trying to think of what's something that we have done where it's like no, you go first.

Speaker 1:

Well, I think it plays out in our business relationship right, like we wait for each other a lot, like are you like, unintentionally and subconsciously, like I wait for you to do things first or you wait for me to do things first? It's a waiting thing and it kind of plays out when we were doing the tandem bike riding. It's like who's going first, you or me?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think about what's on the other side of once doing it. It's like so much joy, so much excitement, fun, and that's really where the experience is right.

Speaker 1:

But I look at like now and how important as parents, date nights are for us, like if we transition from you know being single in the early phases of our relationship to like now transitioning into being parents together and raising children together and having a business each and having one together.

Speaker 1:

It's like where and I can imagine that there's a lot of couples and families in our situation where they're super, they're doing a lot of things, they got a lot of kids or they don't have a lot of kids even If you've got one. That's still like a lot of responsibility together. And then I look at what our date nights look like now. So we went on Tuesday night, we went to Ms Lauren Hill, we went to her concert.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

And my sister was meant to come but she couldn't get a flight. And then our part, our friend went, but he was in general admission, so we ended up having the night together. Unintentionally. We just went out to dinner first, had had a nice meal and had had a few drinks, and then we went and did the concert together and then we went home, so it was like an intentional date night, but it's so much like it was, so I felt like it was so overdue for us, like we haven't done a date night in a couple of weeks.

Speaker 2:

And we consciously try and make time for ourselves as well as have, you know, independent self time, time as a family as well, but prioritising our relationship. I've always said like that is the foundation of your family, and I think a lot of couples abandon their relationship and replace it with family.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so like subconsciously, Well, not even subconsciously, I think it's. I think it's, it just happens as a pattern. You know, you go from being a couple to then being parents and now you're a family unit. So you spend family time and I, you know I'm not at this phase of life, but I look at like my, my parents, now that you know, my brother and I, and this would be the same for your parents.

Speaker 2:

You get to a point in life where your kids move out and then it sort of like comes full circle back to you as a couple and I think that's what's broken though. Yeah, but I think for what? What for some couples is it's like a reintroduction of you.

Speaker 1:

we've gone on this massive journey together and don't even get to that point.

Speaker 2:

Well that that happens too, but also the ones that do get to that point. It's like what do we do again?

Speaker 1:

Because if you are you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, the block. If you look at the block of time in the parenting it's a long long period of time and you can lose yourself and lose your partner in the process.

Speaker 1:

And so I feel like this is what we've decided right.

Speaker 1:

Because, it's not what we've learned, because we haven't done parenting for a long time. It's been four years at most. So I feel like when we first had kids, before we had kids, we said that we will always put our relationship first, and because we are the building blocks and foundations, so that made sense to us and I don't know if that resonates with other people and maybe that's a light bulb moment for some listeners, but I feel like that's a really it's breaking societal norms, but I think it's like, yeah, like you said, we are the building, we are the foundation, and then our family is. You know the rest of it.

Speaker 2:

So I think there's been certain points in my life where I've listened to older people and basically extracted their lessons for myself.

Speaker 1:

I feel like we're both very similar to that.

Speaker 2:

I don't need to go through something to learn a lesson Like if I hear it from enough people that there's a level, of a pattern and I can go okay, well, that person, that person, that person, that person have experienced that and they've all said that that approach has somewhat led them to where they are, which, if they had their time again, they would do it differently. It's sort of like okay, well, I'm going to take that lesson.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm not going to do that 18 years later. I'm going to do it now.

Speaker 2:

So when I think of that thing of us being the foundation relationship, where that come from is really just observing and listening to other people who have had great relationships but somewhat lost their relationship in the process of parenting.

Speaker 1:

Yep, yep, and I think so. For us, date nights are very important for us, so we make sure that we go on a date night on it's not tracked, but I would say probably every fortnight around about yeah, maybe a little bit longer, but enough to know that if we haven't done it, it's like okay, we're due for a date night. But in saying that, we also go away every quarter.

Speaker 2:

We haven't touched on this part yet and it's an important piece, depending on where you're at, if you're in the parenting journey is support, Because without the support, the date night is hard to facilitate. Yeah, you know, and there's a lot of things that we spoke about, about trust in terms of a babysitter and who do we trust to look after our kids while we're out. Because, you know, one thing about a date night is you want to be present with the person and enjoy their company and have a great night and a great time.

Speaker 1:

And know that your kids are safe. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

You know, because if you're in the mind there and there, like where are you really? Yeah?

Speaker 1:

Definitely and I think as well, like having your support people. So what does that look like? And again, relating it back to business, because that's just what we do is what's your team look like? What's your home team so? Is it a babysitter? Because you don't have access to your parents? Maybe they're like minor interstate, so every now and again they'll come over and they'll help us out for like bigger things, like if we need to go to Sydney or whatever.

Speaker 1:

But in the day to day, like date night situation it's always like we've got a really good babysitter that we trust, and we've got your parents that we trust, and then we've got your cousins and stuff like as well that we trust. If that, if that doesn't work out for whatever reason.

Speaker 2:

There's a backup for the backup and a backup for that backup.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Just to make really make sure that this date night happens, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

But it's important to us right, but yeah, and then date nights. I think you can go on. You can go on them and, like you, I think you've said before it's not a what did you say? It's not a solution. Yeah, a date night.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think, like this, this area really needs a spotlight put on it, because I think date nights can become prescription to fix a relationship. And then you attach a tag to date nights that it's like okay, we're getting on the rocks here, we better go on a date night. Yeah, we better connect, and I think you somewhat tarnish that whole experience because and the label too because you somewhat go oh shit, are we think of the toxicity that comes with that you know, because when you're in a good place you go.

Speaker 2:

Let's go out on a date night If you've programmed yourself how I hang on. We only do that when our relationships in, you know, not the best spot. There's a lot of confusion that can come with that. So I think it's like the the spontaneity and frequency of a date night is important and it shouldn't be the fixer to put your relationship back together. Yeah, Do you know what I mean? Yeah, Although time together can that help and you know, fix, call it a relationship.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I think connection and I think it's more about building a deeper connection.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, but but we don't want to be building this foundation of date nights based on yeah, it's got to be a good intention.

Speaker 2:

That's right. Yeah, it's, it's to connect and, yeah, and have a great night out and a great experience, enjoy each other's company, learn more about each other and you know, when you think about life as a whole, you know it's really just one experience that we're, one massive experience that we're having and I think sometimes people lose the control of. You're in control of this experience, yes, somewhat you are somewhat. You're not, but there are elements that you can influence this experience and Date Nights is one of them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, definitely, I know, for us.

Speaker 2:

We love, we love food, so we go out to a nice restaurant and we, you know, I know in the last podcast we're talking about love languages, but I think food is a love language for me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, 100% is Like I said. You need therapy for that.

Speaker 2:

I think some people would agree. I just really like I think it's my Italian roots and being brought up around great food, yeah.

Speaker 1:

No, food is good, though, and so, if I think about the Date Nights that we have, like a really nice Date Night for us is like, maybe, staying overnight in a hotel somewhere, and you know having a good a love, a good experience Date Nights love a good experience.

Speaker 1:

I'm all about that life but, yes, things like that. But it again like depends what suits you as a couple. So, and if you've not done Date Nights because I know a lot of people don't do them like maybe just double in them and give them a go what are you like doing together?

Speaker 2:

Is it you know outdoor activities, or you know in the water, or adventure things, or not encourage is like if if you're really struggling to find that common place of where to what or what to do for your Date Night, is like just sit down and write down some ideas and go outside your comfort zone and then on the next one, the other person can go outside their comfort zone and sort of just you know, and I think that the fruit for from a Date Night is the conversation afterwards about how the experience was, you know, and really I think, surrendering the expectation of what the Date Night might be like and just letting it be, because often, you know, if I think of our greatest ones, they've had spontaneous events within the Date Night that have led to, you know, such a great night.

Speaker 1:

And I think as well, if the like you could go into it with the intention of learning something about your partner tonight. So it's like what are you, you know, maybe going to relearn or re because, like we said, there's seasons. You know, you're going to change as a when you become a mum, like I feel like I've changed as I become a mum of one and then a mum of two, and then you know, it's like, who am I now? So it's like learning just as much as I am.

Speaker 2:

you're learning about me and I'm learning about you and I think in conversation too, is like because I've had people say to me well, what do you talk about? And it's like that's well on date, on date nights, like because some people that don't do them frequently will go on a date night, and it's like, what do we do? Do you know what?

Speaker 1:

I mean.

Speaker 2:

It's like well, this is uncomfortable because we don't normally do this.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

It's like life's so busy that actually sitting down and having the capacity to connect and talk. Often people are confronted with fuck. What do we talk about?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you know. So just go to the movies.

Speaker 2:

I'm just fucking with you.

Speaker 1:

I do not like if I think back in my early days like I used to go on movie date nights all the time. Yeah, like I'm talking like when I was 18, 19, 20. But how funny that's just like. Why would you do that? Nubbet, honestly, if you don't want to talk, then go to a movie.

Speaker 2:

No, but I was going to give him some ideas about what I can talk about is. You know, some people like to reminisce on the past of when you first got together, on what media, and reignite that introduction of how your relationship started, but then also, like If you look at past, present, future, right Past, reminisce on the great parts of your relationship that you have experienced, and there might be some ideas that come from that initial.

Speaker 1:

I think this is good for people who also do date nights. You can also adopt this theory to them.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and then present is like what's happening currently in our lives that is working really well. What's happening that is a bit dysfunctional and like, let's relook at how we can make that better. What are you loving right now? You know about your life. And if it goes the other way and it's like, well, there's, you know, they're in a bit of a slump. It's like, well, if you could change that, what would you change about it.

Speaker 1:

And then, and how do we do it together?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and then Alicia's one, which she loves, is future. It's like talk about the future, like what dreams, aspirations.

Speaker 1:

Whenever we go on it, I'm like, oh, I can't wait to talk about the future. Yeah, because I feel like this is just me personally. We can reminisce on the past, but for what purpose? I want to talk about what we're doing and where we're going and where we're headed. That's just the futuristic in me, though.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. See, I enjoy reflection especially if it's around humour, like around funny things that have happened, I like grabbing them and bringing them into the present and resurfacing them, because I value humour, but if you look at and it comes back to what each other values, like you really value the future and you value dreams and goals and aspirations and that's why I think you know, when we get to that part of the conversation, it's like Do you know?

Speaker 1:

where I feel like I reminisce is when I've been, if I've had a whole bunch of stuff, and this is more friend-wise. So we went out when I went to Adelaide, I went out with my friends from school and we went to school from literally year three to like we played basketball together, we grew up together, all of that sort of stuff past school, and I look at them and I go with them because we haven't created memories together. Because I live in a different state, we're all got three or two or three more kids, that's where your common place sits.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so we sit there and we reminisce on the fun times that we had when we played basketball together and, oh my God, I remember when we went to on this carnivore and how funny was it when this happened. And that's our conversation, because we're reminiscing on the past together and what we experienced.

Speaker 2:

I think about some of my mates and the stories, like when we do catch up now there's some stories that always resurface because they're so funny. Yeah, for sure, and it's like when you haven't hung around those people for so long, and it's like just want to have a good laugh. It's like tell that story, yeah, yeah, Like you 've never heard it before, but you could say it word for word.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I feel like that's where I like to go when I reminisce, like is with people that I haven't created new memories with, and we can look back on the past and, you know, talk about the connection that we had back then and how it's still there currently, but we haven't created any new memories together.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you know, I really enjoy those type of friendships, the ones where you can come and go and it's like, like I've got this one friend that we don't connect a lot, but when we do, it's like. It's like we would talk every day. Yeah, and Jen right.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Because all the conversations that I have with Jen are very deep, yeah, but we don't. We don't talk frequently, yeah, and I think about those types of friendships. For me, they're the ones that you can talk about the past, have a laugh, talk about the present, what's going on, and then talk about you know what you want to do in the future.

Speaker 2:

And I think for me, when you, when you connect with someone like that and you can go through all those different phases, but then there's no expectation or attachment of having to spend time with that person.

Speaker 1:

It's such a good friendship For that.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's where it's really raw, you know yeah. And there's a great connection there.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, definitely, I think it's time to wrap it up.

Speaker 2:

We're done.

Speaker 1:

We are done. Hope you enjoyed the episode. We'll catch you next week.

Speaker 2:

Go on a date night.

Speaker 1:

Oh yes, Go on a date night. Tell us how it was. We hope you enjoyed this episode of Synergy. We encourage you to hit the subscribe button, rate and comment.

Speaker 2:

If you know someone in your life that may benefit from more Synergy, screenshot this episode and share it with them on Instagram.