Synergy

Rocking Your World: Small Decisions, Big Impact

• Daniel & Alicia • Season 1 • Episode 13

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What if you could harness the power of state control to maintain successful relationships? This episode explores the fascinating concepts of circle of control and circle of concern, teaching you how to avoid getting swallowed up by worry in the most challenging times. You'll learn how to release expectations and surrender to the universe when things seem to be spiralling out of control. We uncover strategies to combat negative headspace and share the transformative benefits of gratitude.

Ever felt stuck in a comfort zone of procrastination? Or felt a wave of fear when faced with big decisions? You're not alone. Using the analogy of boulders, rocks, pebbles, and sand, we delve into how small decisions can lead to significant life changes. We emphasise the power of decision-making and discuss the discomfort it can often bring. We also explore how the fear of change, especially when others are accustomed to our issues, can be a hindrance, and how to navigate these shifting dynamics. Remember, change can bring people back into your life for the right reasons - growth is not a journey you have to tackle alone. Tune in and discover your path to personal growth and transformation.

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Successful Relationships and State Control Secrets

Speaker 1

One, two, three, four. Welcome to Synergy, the podcast where we uncover the secrets to successful relationships, effective leadership and transformative parenting. I'm your host, Alicia.

Speaker 2

And I'm Dan, and we'll deep dive into relationships, friendships and, most importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves. Together, we'll explore different strategies, techniques and approaches that can help you achieve synergy in every aspect of your life.

Speaker 1

Stay curious, keep learning and embrace the power of synergy. Welcome to another episode of Synergy. What are we talking about today? Today?

Speaker 2

today we're talking about state control, but I feel like we're going to go to a few different areas with this one, because I think there's so many elements that can change your state from external influences, and I think state control is one of those things that, depending on the level of triggers and stuff inside of us, will depend on how well we can come back from it, because a lot of it is wrapped up in emotional regulation and emotional control. So I want to share with the listeners something that I learned. I think it was like I was 26 when I read my first book. It was called Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Speaker 2

Such a good book if you haven't read it, and it talks about this concept of circle of control and circle of concern, so things that are inside your control that you can actively do, and then things that are in your awareness but are somewhat out of your control. And I think there's a lot of people in society that spend a lot of their mental capacity time in the circle of concern and it can consume them and I think I think especially with the state of the world at the moment as well.

Speaker 2

It's very easy to entertain the circle of concern, but I think someone always explained it to me that the circle of concern is sometimes actually up to the universe to decide what needs to happen and how that plays out.

Speaker 1

Hmm, see, there's an element of spirituality here that, I believe, is here we go.

Speaker 2

Alicia's getting on the train.

Speaker 1

It's my train and it's my main vein it's my yeah, like it's just I think it's so important. So for me I find, you know, a letting go of the concert, Like what did you say it was?

Speaker 2

Circle of concern.

Speaker 1

Yeah, so what can I control in that? And I'll take those pieces of what I can control and then the rest I'll say I don't just say do whatever is required, but I put out what I would like to happen.

Speaker 2

Hmm, so an intention.

Speaker 1

I put out an intention.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

But then it's important to just surrender that intention, because it may well, generally, it happens the way that you least expected to happen, or in a whole nother way. So the way for it to happen is not your concern.

Speaker 2

And I think when you start putting things that like elements of how you can control things which should be in your circle of control into circle of concern, that's where really expectation and disappointment can live and let down and all these sorts of things because it didn't go as planned. Yeah, but it was never in your control in the first place, and that's the thing.

Speaker 1

That's just the giving up of this and the surrender of. Look, this is what I'm, this is what I would like to happen and be specific with that and then be like you know what, but not not be concerned about the hell, yeah.

Speaker 2

And I think, depending on the person, like some people I know, for Alisha and I this really lies in spiritual spirituality. We both grew up as Catholics but we resonate more with spirituality, but for a lot of people, this is their faith and this is God and this is praying and their religious practice that comes with it.

Speaker 2

That lives in circle of concern, and so I want to come back to circle of control, and the reason I want to is because there is something that we learned in one of our trainings which is called cause and effect, and what cause and effect is is when you're at the effect of something, you are feeling and having an emotional state that is an effect of what that circumstance is. Yeah, when you're on the cause side and they talk about it as an equation when you're on the cause side of the equation, you're actually causing the effect. So you're more in control and you are, you're having an influence or intention in terms of the spiritual side. You're having an influence on the outcome because you're causing the effect. Now you'll notice, if you've got people in your life that are the effect of, they very much have a victim mentality. Everything happens to them and it's, you know, blaming other things.

Speaker 1

And I want to, and I want to put out as well something If, if you are listening and this, I found this really useful and I've been saying this to myself for years and years and years and years it's happening for me, not to me, and even when it's the shitest, so can I, can I cause I know?

Speaker 2

there'd be people that would be thinking this that may not be as connected spiritually, or you have religion as a faith or anything like that, but for the person out there that's listening to this, that is in the mindset of this is always happening to me and I can't seem to catch a break. What advice have you got for that person?

Speaker 1

It comes down to gratitude for me. You know cause? I think you can. It's, it's a choice. At the end of the day. You can choose for it to look that way or you can choose for it to look the other way. At the end of the day, you have a choice to do, either, or because you're choosing to look at it negatively, negatively, right, yeah, you can also choose to look at it positively, but negative. Looking at it negatively is like way easier than looking at it positively.

Speaker 2

Yeah, because, because, because, when you're in a negative headstate, to be optimistic is actually very hard work, and it's that reaffirming to your psychology that, no, this is happening for me. The universe has bigger plans for me. This is all part of it.

Speaker 1

But? But there's also an element of how did you ask for this?

Speaker 2

Mmm, that's the shit sandwiched right there. Because, and I think, Can you elaborate on that more for people, because?

Speaker 1

I think when you can take responsibility for your life, life is a lot easier, right and this may be a really fucking hard pill to swallow and it's a really hard muscle to train as well when you can take responsibility and say, hmm, how did this happen for me, how did I ask for this? What have I been putting out there? So let me give you an example. I had a really big team of 12 people right, me and my sister.

Speaker 1

I would constantly say, because it was getting really hard and out of control for me as a leader, I would constantly put out there I just wish I could fucking start again. Right, and simultaneously this is when I had left and I'd come to Melbourne and because I was really challenged by leading from afar. I didn't know how to do it. I'm still going through that now, I'm still challenged by it and I'm just, in a way, better headspace and a way bigger leader now. But like I look at that, and then there was Melissa also asking that she wanted me to come back. So there were two people powerful manifestors, by the way saying I wish I could just start again and Melissa was wishing for me to be back there.

Speaker 2

So, when you fast forward that manifestation coming to life, what had you been presented with? I've been repeating that over and over and over, and I know Dr Joe Dispenza talks about this a lot, about your thoughts become your reality. Yeah Right, and so in that, instance.

Speaker 1

Honestly as simple as that though, yeah, like it does, and for people that are very logical, because I definitely align with spirituality, but I'm a logical person, like if it doesn't make sense to me, you need the science and all that bullshit, but it's got to make sense.

Speaker 2

But there's science behind it, because there's sometimes where you, you know, you jump over here and I'm just like, oh fuck, here we go.

Speaker 1

How much better is that world though?

Speaker 2

At times it is.

Speaker 1

And I've learned that?

Speaker 2

I've learned to surrender. You know, sometimes the logical Newtonian world that you know I live in is actually can be really hard work, Whereas sometimes, if you actually surrender and just let it be, I think as if you're that person.

Speaker 1

I think the way I look at it is this if you're in, if you're in the ocean, you're sitting in the ocean. That is just a metaphor for how much world and how much of you is so tiny you know like you're such a small part of the well connected world. By the way, we're all fucking connected.

Speaker 2

What's really interesting about that is yet you're so powerful 100%, because we're all connected.

Overcoming Challenges and Changing Personal Dynamics

Speaker 2

Can I rewind a little bit Because you reminded me of something I speaker.

Speaker 2

I saw once and I think there's a shitload of value and I know this really helped me when I there's a lady named Stacy Curry and she's got an awesome story and she came from a really tough upbringing and she's quite open about her story of abuse and growing up quite poor and her dad stealing and did what they had to do to get by.

Speaker 2

And I remember her being on stage and she spoke about when people are in such a bad headspace, they can't be optimistic because they are that ingrained in the negativity that is so difficult to see positivity. And she had this one piece of advice. She said if you've been dealt a bucket of rocks in life or not great things in life, all you need to start doing is get rid of one rock at a time. And that might be a story that you say to yourself, where it's like you know what, I'm not going to talk bad to myself mentally today. I'm not going to stop doing that, and for some people it might be. You know, it might be smoking, it might be drinking, it might be I'm going to.

Speaker 1

They're big rocks, though.

Speaker 2

Well, yes, and she spoke about this You've got boulders, you've got rocks and you've got pebbles and sand. And you know you can start with the sand and start emptying out and then eventually, as you start to get into this practice, then you can start bringing in some optimism and positivity. And it's a journey Like it's not like. Today you start getting rid of boulders and tomorrow you, you know the Dalai.

Speaker 1

Lama yeah dropping. It doesn't happen like that, yeah exactly.

Speaker 2

But it's a muscle because when you think about how long have you been lifting the muscle of putting boulders in your bucket?

Speaker 1

But do you know what One decision, one small decision that feels like a sand decision, can actually break down a wall?

Speaker 2

So true.

Speaker 1

Because and what I've learned is I just need to decide.

Speaker 2

Yes.

Speaker 1

I need to decide if that's going to be a really big problem for me or if it's not going to be that big of a problem for me, or if I'm going to change something about it, if that's in my control, or if it's not in control, deciding that I'm going to surrender to that. There's decision after decision after decision that currently you're making. You're making decisions. Not making a decision is still a decision. To not make a decision.

Speaker 2

Right, yes, and I was thinking about this before. When we're talking about what we're going to talk about today Not making a decision Procrastination sits in that bucket and I think, like I look at the journey that we're on, it's like and I said this to you the other day it's like at what point does the desire for success scream louder than the fear of failure? And at some point You've got to decide where are you going to focus your energy?

Speaker 1

I need to go here too. Oh a universal download.

Speaker 2

Here we are. Ladies and gentlemen, strap yourself in.

Speaker 1

But it's going to be hard for people to hear, though, because, at the end of the day, what we just talking about fuck, I've just lost it. Oh, this is going to be so good, it was good. Please retract me. What were you saying about? Just literally, just then.

Speaker 2

The universe delivers you messages as you need them.

Speaker 1

No, what was it? What was the last sentence you said? You don't remember, do you?

Speaker 2

procrastination, fear. Oh there we were. Here I am. So we're talking about success and the desire for success, that voice screaming louder than the fear of failure. Here we are, we're right back on.

Speaker 1

Sometimes the story that you've been telling yourself for so long feels so comfortable that to decide to not tell yourself that story anymore feels really fucking uncomfortable. And also sometimes and this could be for the person as well subconsciously we could be holding on to a really big OK. So it was used as an analogy in some of our trainings, where it's like a big chair on your back.

Speaker 2

Oh, cherry, cherry, Remember cherry.

Speaker 1

So it's like having like that problem that you have or that.

Speaker 2

I've been a cherry and recently I was a cherry.

Speaker 1

Yeah, so you like put a big chair on your back which is really heavy to carry.

Speaker 2

Yeah, it's weighing you down. Look at me, look at my chair. I put this big chair stuck in my shoulder. Everyone, I've got it.

Speaker 1

Everyone who asks, you'll fucking tell them I've got a chair on my shoulders, meaning your problem. Sometimes that is your excuse. You don't know who you are without your fucking chair and you don't know who you are when you put that chair down and the people around you. How much? Stop, stop, stop the people around you, oh sorry.

Speaker 2

I've been silent.

Speaker 1

Also don't know who you are without that chair. So you know, what makes it really difficult is when you've been carrying that chair for so long and the people around you are used to you carrying that chair that when you start to make changes that are no longer serving them because that chair also served them you are going to put that chair down and that's going to really cause some conflict with those people around you that really value your chair being on your back.

Speaker 2

You want to know the biggest thing, what it's generally the people closest to you.

Speaker 1

It is.

Speaker 2

That's a shit pill, but like if you think about.

Speaker 1

if you think about it's not just changing yourself, because that's first right, that's a very that's the biggest part, but it's also about changing your environment to then.

Speaker 2

And do you know what I've learned on this? That journey, Should anyone embark on it, you will shed so many people around you that at some point it becomes lonely and your psychology will go. Why are you doing this? It was so much easier back over there.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

And I think, pushing through what I learned, some of the people that I shed had come back for the right reasons.

Speaker 1

I think also, though, like we can make that really hard for us too. We can make that a decision to be really hard, but really what you could do is go and put yourself into situations and groups.

Speaker 1

There's so much around community-wise these days that just put yourself in that community and find your people 100%, 100% you know, like I've reflect back on, like moving to Melbourne, for example, like I've now got my some close friends, but I know that there was a period of time there where we were working on ourselves personally we always are, but we were working ourselves personally. We're figuring out what our family dynamic wanted to look like, the types of people that we wanted to surround ourselves with, and sometimes we didn't want to hang out with certain couples.

Speaker 2

Yes.

Speaker 1

You know, and that was because we were growing into something else and I talk about this openly with people.

Speaker 2

I remember when I started going on a personal development journey come from an environment where I used to hang out in a garage with my mates on a Friday. Religiously we used to do it. And there was a point where I you know it was in business quite young and I got into this business and personal development journey. I literally sat down with my mates and said I'm not going to be around much anymore. Sound like a bit of a funeral at the time, but I was like no, but there was a part of my old self that I was dying yeah.

Speaker 2

That I was call it that.

Speaker 1

If you want? I mean, let's just call it that.

Speaker 2

Yeah, but it was a very open conversation and I can tell you that rattled some of the people in the group and the culture of the group, Because when you look at it from a heard mentality and people being together, when someone wants to break out, it's like, oh no, don't it's, it's a threat, it's like fuck, if everyone does this, what does that mean for me? Do you know what I mean? And have nobody.

Speaker 1

Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2

Now the dynamic of that group I felt for a period of time changed a little not a lot since me leaving. But I can also say that after going on that journey and now connecting with those people, the conversations and things that I have now are so different from prior to that journey.

Speaker 1

I want to say as well, because what I've witnessed on your journey is, and because, coming into your journey, where you had done your work, like you, you were well on your way of that self development journey. But even hearing people speak about the old Daniel was really curious, because there was an old self of you that people and I also see it when you see someone who you haven't seen in a long time and they think that you're still the way you used to be.

Speaker 2

Yeah, and I have to say I used to wear that as a badge of honor, because I was the loose party fun guy in my younger years and you know that Daniel still comes out every now and again, but it's like it doesn't define me, whereas for a period of my life that gave me a level of significance and status.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

Do you know? And that's why you're saying, when certain people come into life and they're like you know it might be a night out or something, I'd be like, fuck, he's tinny coming, fuck, it's going to be wild. And then they come out and it's like, oh no, it's not really.

Speaker 1

No, I'm a dad now, no.

Speaker 2

I'm a two girls and a partner and business and yeah, not doing that.

Speaker 1

Yeah, but I think as well like you've grown so much out of that.

Reflection and Inspiration for Personal Growth

Speaker 2

Well, I also think I think of the work that I've done and I can acknowledge a lot of those behaviors were wrapped up in hiding hiding my traumas, hiding who I truly was, hiding parts of my life that I wasn't ready to pull out and talk about and go on the journey, and I think, honestly, it's only been. 2023 for me has been a big year. I recently just had my birthday and I sat down with my parents and I shared with them the journey that I went on. This was beforehand and there's a there's a podcast on it where I go into some depth of, like, the mushroom journey that I did and you know, dad wrote in the card like the what you've done this year is inspiring and and was, you know, to have that support from my parents, knowing what you know, my, my journey of, of things that I wanted to heal, I think is it makes me look back and go.

Speaker 2

Well, though, all those behaviors and all those ways that I did show up in my past yeah, I get it, I understand my younger me and how I, how I played out, did I have fun, were there? Yes, like, I had incredible times. I loved being, you know, the butt of the joke when we go out and and and, having a laugh and being loose. I really enjoyed that reputation, if you like. But the man of me now understands what the boy was doing.

Speaker 1

And I think I want to look back to the environmental thing, because I think sometimes we can look at it like, oh, we're shedding people in our life and we're, you know, getting new friends, all that sort of stuff. But I think there's an element as well when somebody chooses to make a change or, you know, decides to grow and decides to become their higher self, that's really positive and really enforcing for everybody else around them to also do that to. That influences them some some way and inspires them to be a better version of themselves.

Speaker 2

Definitely you know, so if I think of like, what do you do with this information? Because there's been a lot in this podcast that we've spoken about, from tools to experiences and stuff like this. So I want to give you a bit of a takeaway of if you're in a situation that is somewhat undesirable is just have faith that the universe has you back and that you're actually on the right path, and this is happening for a reason. But I want you to be really conscious around what is in the circle of your control and what is in the circle of your concern, and if you can actually document and sit down, take the time right down these are the things in my control, these are the things in my concern and then take the things that are in your control and literally come up with a task. That's like what you can do to cause an effect on those things. Then, with that information is start using that as a plan to move forward to the things to make a better life for yourself.

Speaker 2

I agree we're going to wrap this up right now. It's been a little bit of a spiritual podcast, a little bit of a logical podcast, but I hope you enjoyed it. Pumped for next week we have Luke from Payloss coming in. Luke runs an amazing business where he takes unfortunate kids on epic adventures and his story is incredible A guy that had set a 15 year goal in his business and achieved it in two Wow, just become a father. There is so much, so many questions that I'm sure we're both going to ask I've never met him.

Speaker 1

I've got a bit of background.

Speaker 2

so Leesh hasn't met him before, but a pleasure to have him on. It's going to be definitely one to listen to his story and can't wait to see you guys next week.

Speaker 1

And also guys, we are almost forgot. Gosh, we are running such a cool giveaway dropping tomorrow.

Speaker 2

Tomorrow might not be tomorrow. It's dropping tomorrow for seven days only, so you've got to be quick and get in.

Speaker 1

We are doing a, we're giving away a fifteen hundred dollar date night. Or you could just take the cash, or you can take us.

Speaker 2

But we know the importance of spending time together and we know the importance in a family unit of connecting with each other and the pivotal things that that happens on your family and the positive impacts that we that has. So we've decided that we're going to gift someone fifteen hundred bucks and a date night.

Speaker 1

So be just, but on pump for how?

Speaker 2

we're doing it. I can't wait to register and come along for the ride. It's going to be so much fun. I'm not going to give away how we're doing it.

Speaker 1

You're going to have to sign up and we'll put a link below in the in the notes, so you can go after this. After you hear this register straight away and we'll see you for the draw for the duck raise.

Speaker 2

You just gave it away. I did give it away.

Speaker 1

Sorry, fifteen hundred dollars Duck race. I mean, just do it, it's nothing to lose. All right guys, good luck, see you next week.

Speaker 2

Bye.

Speaker 1

We hope you enjoyed this episode of Synergy. We encourage you to hit the subscribe button. Rate and comment.

Speaker 2

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