Synergy

From Stress to Success: Alicia’s Story of Renewal

• Daniel & Alicia • Season 1 • Episode 23

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If you're curious about finding your personal and/or business purpose and you're needing some extra guidance and support, we invite you to join us inside Synergy Elite - Email us at info@asoneglobal.com.au with the word SYNERGY to find out more. 

What happens when you feel like you're losing yourself amidst the chaos of motherhood and business ownership? Join us on a crisp, sunny day in Melbourne as Alicia shares her heartfelt journey of rediscovery. From the emotional strain of her first year as a mother and entrepreneur to the challenges of finding motivation after a partnership dissolution, Alicia's story is a beacon of hope for anyone feeling off-course. Learn how redefining purpose and choosing the right business model can transform personal and professional lives.

Transitioning into new roles can feel like shedding layers of an old identity, only to face new societal and familial pressures. Alicia and I unpack these profound shifts, exploring how they impact self-worth and purpose. We discuss the metaphorical 'boulders' she had to let go of, the societal expectations she had to navigate, and the internal struggles she faced while embracing her new elevated version. This conversation is a must-listen for those grappling with significant life changes and seeking to align new ways of living with traditional expectations.

Running a business presents its own set of challenges, from unhealthy stress to the healthy pressure that drives success. Alicia opens up about her experiences with different business models, sharing how transitioning from a bricks-and-mortar setup to a more flexible model alleviated her stress. We also delve into the dynamics of maintaining relationships where partners have differing individual purposes. Alicia’s insights into balancing personal and shared goals offer invaluable lessons on making work feel effortless and meaningful. Tune in to discover how small breadcrumbs in life can lead you to clearly articulate your true purpose.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Synergy, the podcast where we uncover the secrets to successful relationships, effective leadership and transformative parenting. I'm your host, Alicia.

Speaker 2:

And I'm Dan, and we'll deep dive into relationships, friendships and, most importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves. Together, we'll explore different strategies, techniques and approaches that can help you achieve synergy in every aspect of your life.

Speaker 1:

Stay curious, keep learning and embrace the power of synergy. Hello and welcome to Synergy. We are back with another week, Back with another week. I just want to set the scene. Okay, paint the picture. I feel like painting the picture would make you feel like they're really here with us, you know. So it's a beautiful sunny day actually just turned sunny in Melbourne.

Speaker 2:

I love a nice winter's day when it's crisp and the sun's out.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's actually freezing, but it's like nice and sunny, which is quite good. I love that, and we're sitting in our podcast studio. If you would just lean back into your chair and just envision you're here with us.

Speaker 2:

Could be driving your car. Don't close your eyes, yeah don't close your eyes.

Speaker 1:

I said lean back into the chair. I didn't say close eyes.

Speaker 2:

Go, and we're talking about purpose Purpose. And we're going to unpack this today. But like purpose is so kind of like kind of feels out of reach for people, I'd go as far to say for some people it's like what?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like we want to talk about the granular purpose today Wishy-washy.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1:

When it's so important, I believe.

Speaker 2:

So let's talk about.

Speaker 1:

What do you feel when you're off purpose? So I want to tell you a story, because this was me off purpose. So back probably, I would probably say the first year into owning. So the first year of having Nikita after becoming a mum, I felt really off purpose, not in my life Like I felt very on purpose with being a mum, but in my business I felt like I was lazy. These are the things that I felt when I was off purpose, which I'm hindsight now was anyway, we'll get into that. I felt lazy and unmotivated. I felt like didn't matter what I did and how much I tried to innovate in my business, I was just pushing shit uphill. Nothing flowed for me for years.

Speaker 2:

Did everything feel like a chore in the business, like, did you find that there were, were there elements you still enjoyed? Or was it just no matter where you put yourself in the business in terms of from a role perspective, you were just uninspired.

Speaker 1:

No. So I'm like, as you know, very, very optimistic person. So I found things in my business that I loved doing. So like I love marketing, I love I loved going there seeing the clients and like connecting with the team. I love connecting with the team. I did that a lot from afar. That was I pulled off of that a lot, but that didn't feel like enough because I so like just another bit of a backstory. When Melissa and I split partnership, I didn't redo my purpose of what that business was for me.

Speaker 2:

That is a key piece in business. You know what and I made the same mistake in business partnership and what I don't think gets realised is when you form a business as a partnership and then you go and that partnership disassembles and the ownership shifts. The identity in terms of purpose can often stay the same, right, yeah yeah and so what was the thing that made you realize this is mine and melissa's and now it was your business? What, what was? What was the, the light bulb that happened that made you realize that?

Speaker 1:

when I had my own money. That was the light bulb for me. But in saying that, like I didn't go back to the foundations of you know what is the solid purpose?

Speaker 2:

the purpose never changed what just for the listeners? What is the or was the purpose?

Speaker 1:

well, it's my personal purpose to educate and power inspire yeah so and this is the other thing uh, that I, that I found on my journey and looking back now is like I wasn't off purpose as such, because that was my, that's my personal purpose. It was just the wrong model for what I was wanting to create. But I didn't know what I wanted to create. That was the other thing. So there was a lot of uncertainty and lost. I felt really lost for like many years when I became a mum.

Speaker 2:

So here's a question for you If somebody knows what their personal purpose is, how, how do they know what vehicle, in terms of business, they should be sitting in to get the most out of that purpose?

Speaker 1:

Well, what it's. The first lesson that we did in Synergy Elite was what is it that you want? Because? So everything we go through in Synergy is exactly the process that I took to take me from uninspired to inspired. So when I sat down with myself and I actually started doing the work and I asked myself the really hard questions around, like if nothing were good or bad or wrong Because to me it was wrong, because I always thought that I'd own a hair salon. That wasn't even a. That wasn't even a. I didn't entertain not owning it. It was for life, Like I would. When I committed to that business, I was like this is for life, I'm going to have a salon for life and it's going to be this one like. But letting go of that and that was a limiting belief of mine, Cause that was essentially the only part of my old self that I was holding onto, and we talk about this in synergy is like the the boulders, the rocks, the pebbles and the sand.

Speaker 2:

That was a fucking boulder, like the boulders, the rocks, the pebbles and the sand. That was a fucking boulder. Can I also just looking at it from a different perspective when you had that thing of like I'm signing up for this for life? On reflection now do you view that as no, I did sign up for that for life. But where it was different, is I actually signed up that for that part of my life?

Speaker 2:

Because the transition in becoming a mum and also becoming a solopreneur is almost the or it is the birth of a new identity.

Speaker 1:

The amount of identities that I've birthed is no, but honestly, like in, if I look back on it, the owning a business with my sister, that was an identity that I birthed and I held on to that identity for a long ass time, especially because it's my surname, so the salon's called Boat Hair, which is my Alicia Boat, my surname, so that as well, was another anchor for me where it's like, oh, that that's my salon.

Speaker 1:

So in terms of identities, the real it's always like that thing, and I think Oprah said this it's like, you know, when there's a tap on your shoulder and you don't really listen to it and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, it's cool, like I get it all good, and then there's like a little bit of a rock fell on you from the, from the wall, and then you're like, oh shit, that kind of hurt a little bit and then the whole fucking wall falls on you and you're like, damn, what the fuck just happened and you're like, where did that come from? But when you look back you're like, oh, there was little taps on my shoulder.

Speaker 2:

I didn't listen to the signs.

Speaker 1:

I didn't listen to the signs and for me, motherhood was birthing an entirely new identity, and even harder because I held so tightly onto the identity that I had prior to being a mum.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, cause I would probably get to make an assumption here that there's a lot of women that in the, if they go from working and then they transition to motherhood and don't go back to work and like some some do, some don't I would say that that identity shift would happen in that moment, irrespective of whether you got a business or you're employed. But there would be so much about birthing the mother that ties you to the new part of the journey and I wonder for some people if they're really attached to the new part of the journey and I wonder for some people if they're really attached to the previous version of themselves Me I was.

Speaker 2:

Do they resent their mother journey? Or if they're really not favourable of their previous life and now they're moved into motherhood they fucking pick it up with both hands and love that shit.

Speaker 1:

I can only speak for myself. I feel now that I'm, on purpose, I'm a much better mother. I'm enjoying my time with my kids way more. There was a lot that I had to go through to get there, though. Like I had to, like there was, and when I say identity shifts, like there's times and this is all through business, mind you so there were times when I moved away into Melbourne, so that was a whole nother like birthing of the new me, because I was home with Nikita, plus I was running a business from afar which was so foreign to me I had no fucking idea what I was doing, like I'd never done it before. So that was, like in itself, really big for me.

Speaker 2:

And then second-. And bundling that with a lot of people in your ear saying, oh, it can't be done, it won't work.

Speaker 1:

Babe, like probably like I'm not talking about my business owner friends because they're not, like you know, the part of our group and stuff, but other people who aren't in that just kind of didn't have to say anything to me, Like I could just tell and that was that energetic voice to me Like I could just tell.

Speaker 1:

And that was an energetic voice. It was that energetic thing of like, oh, how do you do that? And then when there was a thing of Melissa leaving, it was like, oh, that's the only way you could do that. So now, what are you going to do? And there was this big like. It was lots of self-worth stuff for me because I'm like like a lot of the times, like even my dad, for example, he was a big, big pillar of like growth for me because he would say to me things like oh, what are you actually doing? Or like, what do you do?

Speaker 1:

And it's like the and he's never I sit down and earn money but he's from a generation and, like you, might feel like the listener whoever's listening might feel like this is your parents too. It is like when you're trying to change the trajectory of your life and your family's life, and when time becomes a really big commodity to you and um, as well as money, and you believe that you can have time and make money at the same time. That is just a concept that that generation does not like they just can't yeah and it did.

Speaker 1:

It bent his noodle like he's. He's always been on his own in business because he and he's never had a team before. So like for him to think, oh, your team's doing stuff while you're doing the behind the scenes stuff, he doesn't know actually what the behind the scenes stuff is for it, for a business with a team and a shop front and all of those types of things. So that was a real big eye opener for me. That was a lot of undoing of my stories that I've adopted from other people.

Speaker 2:

So, if we talk about being on purpose, what are the feelings and things that are associated with working on purpose?

Speaker 1:

Energy. I feel so much more energised, like I want to talk to everyone about it Honestly, like I, sometimes I'm like, am I going too far? But I'm like everyone needs this. This is so good. Like I just and Wednesdays are my favourite day. That's how live days in synergy and I froth them, like I actually genuinely just love being in the vicinity and I'm like, how does this get to be my life? This is amazing.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Do you know what I mean? It's just that I'm not going to say more gratitude, because I've always tried to pull on gratitude and that's like I always believe that you can be grateful for where you are and still want more. Those two can exist in your vicinity, but, like you, it's an energy thing. Like it feels different. You feel lighter. Well, I feel lighter. I should say I feel lighter, I feel more energised. I want to get up and do shit. Like I love my work days and I love my days. I've been able to differentiate like okay, that's work time and that's family time. You know, I've been able to like really be like. I think it's different as well because of bricks and mortar business. I feel like I was on constantly.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

I feel like with and it was a very negative association. But I would feel like when the salon was closed, I felt light. When it was open, I felt heavy, I felt like what's-.

Speaker 2:

Just waiting for a bomb to go off? Is something going to happen?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, like, and I honestly I feel like in the last couple of years I just got so used to jumping hurdles and, you know, dodging bombs and bullets that I just it just became so normal to me, the stress became so normal. But the stress also came with not being on purpose. Yeah, it was more stressful because I wasn't on purpose.

Speaker 2:

How much of that stress, though, do you think is required for the business owner journey this?

Speaker 1:

is such a controversial topic between us?

Speaker 2:

That's why I asked it.

Speaker 1:

I don't think it's required.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

And when I say that, that doesn't mean okay. So how do I say this? It's required in a healthy way though, like when it's actual stress that's putting your body under like well, you actually don't like it. Like the stress that I had on the salon I hated it. I like I'm like not again, like I felt anxious constantly, whereas with this, if I have a deadline, or if I have something that I need to get to somebody by a certain time, or if I said I was going to do something, like it's pressure but it's not stress, right, like there's pressure to move me forward, but I honestly don't feel like it needs to be. Like bombs are dropping on you constantly.

Speaker 1:

I don't feel that's necessary. That actually prevented me from moving forward.

Speaker 2:

It's really interesting Cause I find there's a lot of things that we like. This one, for instance, like we have different views based on what's required to be a business owner. You asked me. I'm like yeah, stress is required because it builds the muscle of when times are tough. You can dig your heels in and do what's required to get through tough times right, and it's known as grit right. So for me, my belief is yes, it's required because it builds a muscle of grit. However, what I heard you say and this is why I think language is a key piece what I heard you say is stress is different from pressure. Yes, right, so is, in your view of the world, pressure a healthy form of stress?

Speaker 1:

If I look back, maybe it's the season that I'm in in my life.

Speaker 2:

Yeah.

Speaker 1:

Like that's kind of just the aha moment that I might have had just then. I think I'm in a season of ease where I'm like I want it to be easy. I don't want it to be stressful and hard, Like that's not fun for me. Like and fun is a priority for me in business. I've had no fun for the last three or four years. Like, I'm done with that. Like I want to have fun when I'm doing business and I think that they can coexist.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, okay, you know because pressure required.

Speaker 1:

Sorry, stress and pressure, I think was required in the early days of my business. I did that. I did all of that. So when you say, like I think it's part of business and it builds muscles, I feel like I've built so many muscles around that. Oh so you agree with me.

Speaker 2:

Great, no, like partly yes, I do Because I feel- I've just had like my light bulb moment in this conversation is like stress is building grit when off purpose. Pressure is building grit through the power and pursuit of purpose.

Speaker 1:

So grit? I'm reading the book Grit and grit's not stress. Grit is perseverance, is perseverance. So so what they talk about in the book is talent over over grit and how the the the most successful people in the world have more grit than talent and the talented ones usually drop off because they don't have because they don't have the grit.

Speaker 2:

So they're, they're that's where that's saying C grade students employ A grade students. Yeah.

Speaker 1:

What they're saying in the book is like and I guess this is how we can kind of all tie this in is like grit has come from 13 years of business being in business for 13 years has given me grit. Yes, so like grit wouldn't have been able to exist in my life if I had a quit in first year of business.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

Yep, do you know what I mean? So the grit doesn't like, I think, the association with the word grit. I don't think grit and stress go together. Grit is just perseverance.

Speaker 2:

I actually really think this comes down to association with the language. Right yeah, because if you don't like the word grit oh, that sounds dirty or hard, you know then, no, I don't want grit, you know. If you look at grit as the ability to persevere through challenging obstacle or jumping hurdles, whatever the language is around, getting over something, you know, I think it's like pick the word that resonates most with you, that enables you to move forward fast.

Speaker 1:

So I look at things like grit in this business right. So grit for me is writing emails right now, because I don't consider myself a writer, I don't consider myself a good copywriter. I know that if I just persevere, if I just keep writing and writing and writing and writing and writing which is grit I will become a good copywriter. I will be able to have my you know the feeling of what I'm trying to portray through my words that will come.

Speaker 2:

Do you think you tell good stories?

Speaker 1:

I don't know, I haven't really thought about it. Okay, do I?

Speaker 2:

Well, it's more of a question for you than me, I've never really thought about that. No, because I always think about copywriting and I think a lot of people use the label of I'm not a copywriter.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but I get that and that's kind of not where I was going with that. What I'm saying is grit for me right now is writing emails, because it feels like there's friction.

Speaker 1:

Because there's friction there, like I avoid it because I'm like, oh fuck, I don't know what to write or I don't know. But I just know that, just do it, just keep doing it and doing it, and doing it, and doing it, and you know, year five of this business, I'll be an exceptional copywriter. Do you know what I mean? Like so there's that it's showing, like no, because it's a different business and it's it feels easy, like it feels like I'm in ease and in flow. There's still things that I'm having to do that I don't want to do, or it's not really that I don't want to do them, it's just that I don't have the skills right now. And there's the gap there that I just need to persevere with, you know, grit, which I know I have it just made me think of how many people were just using chat GPT.

Speaker 1:

Well, you know, like and I thought about that too, because I have used chat GPT before and I just don't, it just doesn't feel soulful or authentic, and authenticity is one of our values with as One, and I'm like that's not me, Like that sounds like a fucking robot's written it because it has. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2:

So if somebody's listening and they're thinking about purpose and has that curious question of oh, what is my purpose? Because it's not really like how many years into your business journey was this concept or question posed to you about what's your purpose? Three years, three years in, so that I would consider that pretty early, see, I'm like see, I think about.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I agree.

Speaker 2:

I was 15 years in.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I also think about people that are just starting their business and I'm like, oh, if agree, I was 15 years in. Okay, I also think about people that are just starting their business and I'm like, oh, if you could get these foundations done first. I'm like, if I had someone at year one explaining this to me, I probably wouldn't listen because I wouldn't have thought it was important.

Speaker 2:

If I'm honest, Well, see, I go as far to say I think, when you're in the startup phase or starting, it's like and let's say it's your exchanging time for money doing a physical thing, whether it be doing hair or building, whatever the task is I think the thing is you don't start thinking about business foundations. You start by selling and delivering a service.

Speaker 1:

Which is the most important thing. It's the lifeblood of your business.

Speaker 2:

And then eventually you get to a point of growing. And then you get to a point of growing, but it's not working as well. And then you ask the question of fuck, how do people do this? And bang all of a sudden. Hey, you need business foundations.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And that word purpose comes along.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think it's important to have a personal purpose as well, because for those that are listening, who have a career, that work for somebody or a corporation or whatever that looks like, and don't have a business, it's important to know what your personal purpose is, to know who to align yourself with for your career.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, Right, I love that. Let's go here. I want to ask questions around this because I think there's a lot of people in this category. How do you find your personal purpose? Joint synergy.

Speaker 1:

In a nutshell, what are?

Speaker 1:

the four key points to discovering your personal purpose, okay, so the thing that I would suggest is what are you passionate about? So what I would do is write a list or a brainstorm, whatever suits you creatively. Write a list of the words that so like. Make them words. What are you passionate about? How do you what do people come to you for Write words down and what lights you up, like, what do you love doing? So write them down and then, after you've written them down and you feel like there's no more, ask yourself the question what if there were one more thing? Because that's generally where the juicy stuff is is when you just say what if there was one more thing? And you go a layer deeper and a layer deeper and a layer deeper, and then, once you've got the words, choose three words and make it a sentence Simple.

Speaker 2:

That wasn't even four steps.

Speaker 1:

No, because we can do it in less. Why not do it in less when?

Speaker 2:

we can. There you go, two-step process to your purpose. That's a tongue twister. Love that.

Speaker 1:

But if you do want to like, if you're really curious, if you're sitting listening and you're curious about hmm, I've never actually thought about what my purpose is and I need a little bit of help around that. That's what we're here for with Synergy Elite. That's all the stuff that we do inside Synergy. If you're a business owner that's never thought about that for your business, come join us. If you're a person who is in their career and they're looking to maybe change careers or whatever that looks like for you, or you just want to know what your purpose is and see if you're on track, reach out to us. We'll put the link below to email us about Synergy and we would love to see you there. We want to invite you if you feel called.

Speaker 2:

Can I ask one more question? Yeah, I want to ask what happens in a family dynamic with partners with different purposes, and will it work? You're asking me that question. Yeah, I'm asking that question.

Speaker 1:

I don't know I don't know.

Speaker 2:

It was just a deep thought that I had. What do work? You're asking me that question yeah, I'm asking that question.

Speaker 1:

I don't know, it was just a deep thought that I had.

Speaker 2:

What do you think? I? I think it can work and this is how I sort of see it working. Just thinking about it off the cuff now, yeah so. So if you look at it as three people, you've got one individual that has one purpose.

Speaker 2:

Then you've got another individual that has a different purpose, but those two people coming together create a relationship and that relationship has its own purpose. I think why probably a lot of relationships break down is people aren't aware of their purpose, and I think this actually goes the same for values as well. If you haven't discovered what is the relationship purpose, that then has some sort of correlation and alignment to each individual's purpose. That is the thing that is the glue that keeps the relationship sustainable, because you're both on purpose individually and you both are sharing elements of a purpose that have a bond together.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

And I think this is also why I think relationships can break down, because I think, as your purpose changes over time and potentially you shift out of alignment with that purpose and then that relationship is no longer in alignment, then it changes form. And then that relationship is no longer in alignment, then it changes form. Unfortunately, what I think happens majority of the time, that happens in a very dysfunctional way.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Because there's emotions involved and other layers of complexity with it. But I think, being aware of the purpose and having a discussion with your partner around, if we were to put all this together and honour the relationship in terms of what the purpose of that is, then I think there would be a deeper level of connectedness in the relationship and a family like a family connection as well.

Speaker 2:

Yep, absolutely fortunately for us. From a purpose perspective, elevating human experience lives within both of us, for self and for others, and also educating people. Inspiring people is something that is something that we're both passionate about, so I think that alignment is what creates the understanding of the life journey.

Speaker 1:

We'll go for another three minutes because I just really want to touch on this, because I think it's important. I'm feeling like it's important In terms of purpose. We've touched on this in Synergy in our last live call, where a lot of people think that purpose needs to be this big, long, drawn out, huge paragraph of a thing, when really it can be so simple, the play on words and stuff like that. Like, if I look at both of our purposes, we came together with Elevating Human Experience because it's a part of our purposes individually. So you know, and if we look at elevating human experience, like the purposeful thing and this is what we touched on in Synergy is like you'll notice breadcrumbs in your life around what your purpose actually is. So for us, experiences are important. That was a thing before we were even together. Experiences have always been important for me. They've always been important for you.

Speaker 1:

Customer experience was my number one value for Bode An experience in a restaurant. If I don't have a good experience, I will never go back there again. Like that's just the type of person I am. That's what I value. So I look at our live and this is what I suggest you do too. Whoever's listening is look at your life and look at all the things that light you up, or you'll find little breadcrumbs that will then eventuate into you being able to put in a really succinct sentence about what your purpose actually is, because I believe that everybody is here for a reason and we just haven't woken up to the reason why.

Speaker 2:

And discovering, I think it's really important to ask the question and don't put it's not something that you're going to necessarily find in a week, and if you, do fantastic.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's great if you do.

Speaker 2:

I think the first time I started working around purpose doing, purpose work and unpacking what that was for me, I think it took about 12 months to really nail what are those three words that resonate with me highly as to why I was put on this planet.

Speaker 1:

Same. It took me like probably, yeah, maybe two, oh, actually I had the purpose, but the words like were the same thing, but the actual words weren't sitting well with me for like probably a year, until I found, like I rejigged some of the words that meant the same thing and it felt right for me.

Speaker 2:

It is feeling based work.

Speaker 1:

It is it is very feeling based. I feel, yeah, I feel, feel into it.

Speaker 2:

Well, it's, I mean, for the people that don't really do a lot of feeling based work. It's the feeling based work that makes the physical, tangible work effortless.

Speaker 1:

So true, because purpose if you have a strong why Move out of your way. Yeah, Honestly, it's that thing and that's what we touched on in Synergy as well is like when your business purpose and your personal purpose align. That's when magic happens 100%. Not to mention when you feel like not getting out of bed that day, or you feel like, oh, just not feeling it today. And then you are reminded as to why you're doing what you're doing. Whole nother, it's a game changer.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes that little voice goes why the fuck am I doing this? And then that other voice goes.

Speaker 1:

Because, because it's your purpose, yeah.

Speaker 2:

And the purpose of this podcast is so that you can be on purpose. So go and figure out your purpose.

Speaker 1:

I hope you enjoyed that episode. Love you guys. We'll see you next week. Ta-ta, we hope you enjoyed this episode of Synergy. We encourage you to hit the subscribe button, rate and comment.

Speaker 2:

If you know someone in your life that may benefit from more Synergy, screenshot this episode and share it with them on instagram.