Solutions for Children with Trauma Response | ep. 108

Work with Core Methods! Go to https://www.thebehaviorbootcamp.com for more information about Behavior Boot Camp or Dr. Bilodeau's book Ease the Pain in the Classroom

T.D. Flenaugh and Dr. Bethany Bilodeau discuss strategies for addressing trauma and violent behavior in children. Dr. Bilodeau, an expert in behavioral support, emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing the root causes of these behaviors, which often stem from feelings of unsafe and dysregulation. She highlights the effectiveness of her program, Core Methods, which provides customized support to schools and families, often integrating students back into the general education setting within three months. Dr. Bilodeau also stresses the need for simple, effective techniques to regulate behavior and the importance of extracurricular activities. She advises parents to seek professional help and be persistent in finding solutions.

Transcript

TD Flenaugh: 0:03

TD, hi, thank you so much for joining the following for learning podcast. We have this podcast to help parents and caregivers with having the resources, strategies and tools needed to make sure that their children are on track for learning and to stay on track for success. Students, sometimes have violent tendencies. They have trauma that they are reenacting. They're having so many emotions they don't know how to deal with and what do we do about it? A lot of times, schools don't know what to do about it, and parents don't know what to do about it. Luckily, today, we have an expert that has a strategy and a team of people to help support students who have trauma and how to deal with the violence that sometimes they are enacting, and help them even find another placement when needed. Stay tuned. Hi. Thank you so much for joining the falling for learning podcast. I am TD Lynaugh. We have this podcast to help parents and caregivers with having the resources, strategies and tools needed to make sure that their children are on track for learning and to stay on track for success. Welcome so much. Dr B, also know you know your full name. Dr Billy, do. We're so glad to have you. And I just want to just take a moment talk about like, how are you enjoying the summer, and what have you been up to so far?

Dr. Bilodeau: 1:44

Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm a fan of the show. I'm so glad to be here. I really appreciate it. This summer has been great. I've had the opportunity to travel quite a bit. At the beginning of this summer, did four or five of the different national parks, and was also able to do some work with my book that just came out and deliver those to some libraries and community centers as well as some school districts, which was just just such a fun experience, but we made it all the way out to the West Coast and then back to the East Coast, which was super fun,

TD Flenaugh: 2:18

amazing. Okay, that sounds so good. I did just get a vacation, and we went to a cruise, and I have, like, a little bit of sun tan or sun lines or whatever. But

Dr. Bilodeau: 2:31

anyway, you go, girl, it's always good when you come back and you've got the the proof to say I was outside.

TD Flenaugh: 2:42

Yes, so glad to have you on the show and to hear about your expertise. You are, you know, a you know, your team of people are dealing with an issue that a lot of parents and teachers, a lot of people deal with, but we may not hear that much about it. You know, we may just want to keep it to ourselves inside of our family that our kid is having trauma and is, you know, displaying violent behavior and needs to relocate or need special support and attention. But you know, instead of, you know, hiding this, we want to talk about it, and so that if this is something that comes up for you, in your school, with your family, with your child, that you have a way to talk, you know, some resources, some a path forward and choices you know,

Dr. Bilodeau: 3:42

absolutely and in most cases, I would say these students, they they feel unsafe. They either feel unsafe, they feel dysregulated. In almost all cases, that is the case, and it comes out in a way that presents us very, very maladaptive, unfortunately, and that really makes everybody else around them, whether it's educators or parents or caregivers, that makes everyone else feel unsafe because of the behavior that they're demonstrating. So there's some really simple techniques to make someone else in your presence feel safe, and there's some really simple ways to really kind of get them to a better point, so that they're more functional. And there's some real there's some actual reasons why this is happening in the brain, and why these things keep happening and keep patternizing.

TD Flenaugh: 4:31

Okay, so I know you're going to share those resources and even your book with us. Can you tell us, like, a little bit about your background. This is the falling for learning podcast, absolutely, yeah, we all talk to our guest about what made them fall in love with learning, or what made them find their purpose.

Dr. Bilodeau: 4:52

So my mother was a teacher for many years and became a principal, and prior to that, she was a deaf interpreter in. In she would often bring students to stay with us for weekends and things like that. And because of that, I was able to learn sign and all of that. And when I finished my bachelor's degree, I actually passed the Praxis, and I taught science in biology in Guam for a period of time, which I loved. And I still keep in touch with many of my students, and this was over 30 years ago at this point. Yeah, it's amazing to see, like they have families and they're doing all these things. It's just great. And I loved teaching there. I moved back to the States. I taught sixth grade for a while here, and I was just really drawn to the students that were really struggling, the students that were getting suspended, that were having a lot of challenges, and because of that, I decided that I was going to specialize more in that field. And I really couldn't do both at the same time, to remain in education and stay up on all the curriculum changes, as you know, and everything else that's involved with that. I couldn't do it effectively, plus specialize in the behavior field. In addition to that, my oldest son really had some behavioral struggles. He was born early and had a lot of challenges, mainly behaviorally, not so much medically. And because of that, he was asked to leave three daycares before he was 18 months old, because, you know, everybody's fine until your kid bites the other kid, and then it's like, you get that call that's like, your kid can't stay here anymore. They bit the kid. So he was asked to leave

TD Flenaugh: 6:38

personal experience in this, in this, and you have the expertise about how to help families through this. We get our kids, we love them, wherever way they come. We want to have those strategies for helping support them into a more productive way of handling Absolutely. Yeah. And so what about your like schooling? What were some activities and things that you did as a child or as a youth that helped really contribute to what you do?

Dr. Bilodeau: 7:11

So I did not have a great educational experience, which most people are very surprised about, because I did exceptionally well in school, especially in high school, but I did not do well in school. In my elementary years and my middle school years, I really struggled. It was very hard for me, and then I discovered sports, and because of that, I really upped my game as far as staying on the academics. But I have some learning disabilities, I have some behavioral challenges and those sorts of things. I was the typical ADHD kid who also struggled to learn, and because of that, the sports helped me significantly. But when sports weren't in session, I oftentimes was sick and I wouldn't go to school.

TD Flenaugh: 7:59

Like for you, what did those struggles look like for you?

Dr. Bilodeau: 8:03

For me, it was debilitating anxiety. By the time I got into high school, like I had been told so many times as an elementary and middle, early middle school student, to stop talking, stop walking around, stop socializing, stop doing this, that by the time I got to high school, I didn't talk to other kids during classes. I didn't talk to other kids. You know, if we were in class, I was silent, and my teachers would always say, we wish you'd contribute more. And I'm like telling me for years to close my mouth. I got the message.

TD Flenaugh: 8:35

Sometimes we, you know, you know, suppress that. You know, the gifts that our students have absolutely to fit into a certain way. Yeah, learning and being in the classroom, absolutely

Dr. Bilodeau: 8:48

and yeah, and I loved sports. That was really where I would shine. I you know, I loved being on sports teams and playing Team athletics and stuff like that. So I really loved that, and that part of it really helped to secure me in the school setting, and kept me going to school and really getting things done.

TD Flenaugh: 9:08

You know. I just want to highlight that there are so many people that I know that say that, that's, you know, and people who are very nerdy like myself, or, you know, you know, throughout their education, may, you know, sometimes we will minimize and even I've seen school leaders minimalize sports, right? But my husband even says the same thing, like sports kept him in school, and I met so many other people that say that. So I understand if you're a leader or even a parent out there that sports isn't a big deal to you, but you really need to support your kids in it, because it is often the often times right the bridge that makes, you know, makes things doable for them. It keeps them motivated going to school. And maybe you want them to have some other motivation. That's fine. They'll maybe get it later, but you have to have what you know, what you. Have at the time, which is the sports is right now for me as a 10 year old or 11 year old and 15 year old, you know, but, and that's what we have to make we can't minimalize it. We

Dr. Bilodeau: 10:13

can't those extracurriculars are huge. I can't remember what the percentage is, but it's it is such a factor of later life satisfaction, of whether or not kids have involved in those extracurriculars, whether they're sports or a Lego club or the library program or whatever it may be, or drama. You know, it doesn't matter what it is, but those extracurriculars are so important for learning social skills and connecting and really allowing kids to shine in their own light, because school, they don't always have the opportunity to show their best selves at school.

TD Flenaugh: 10:51

Yeah, they, they really don't, and that that is so important. I just want to highlight that, because I have definitely minimalized it in my own way, as like a kid looking at other kids. And then also, I've been I've also seen school leaders do it and, you know, maybe not make that announcement, like when the whatever team won, or whatever they and, you know, it may not be a big sport at that school, but it just makes a

Dr. Bilodeau: 11:17

difference. They need it. Yeah, they all need that pat on the back. The teachers do, too when they're involved in activities, especially school based activities, give them that pat on the back. They need it. Parents also absolutely

TD Flenaugh: 11:32

okay so and so currently you are tell us the name of your company, and

Dr. Bilodeau: 11:39

my company is core methods online we run under the name of the behavior boot camp, and that's where our online courses and where all of our programming for free, programming and trainings and stuff like that, is run it under the behavior boot camp. But our program that works in school districts is called core methods.

TD Flenaugh: 12:00

Okay, so you your your models are you are going to school districts and help support specific kids, or do you have a program running at a school? Or what is your program looking

Dr. Bilodeau: 12:14

like? Typically, a school will come to us and they'll say, Well, I have this kid that's really having some issues are taken off from the building. They're harming staff. They're harming other students, whatever it may be. And we go in and start the assessment process, and then they'll say, oh, and we have this one, this one, this one, this one, and this one. And then we'll end up with about 10 different kids. And at that point, we create a program where we usually have a staff from our company that runs the program, and we're training their staff within the building on how to work with these students, how to teach them the techniques so they feel safe, how to teach them regulatory strategies, and then reintegrating them into the general education setting. We're usually only in each school for a year to two years, and then we transition out. We're not a we don't look at being at any place long term. Typically, as many of you in education, you know, those students are typically called tier three students, and usually by the end of year one, we don't have any tier three students left.

TD Flenaugh: 13:18

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Dr. Bilodeau: 14:02

After we've done the work with them. They're usually tier two or tier most of them are tier one. Usually 80% of them are at tier one at that point. And so we then transition them back into the education setting, and we fade away. For some school districts, it's just a matter of them going through our online course and learning those skills. And then sometimes they don't even need for us to come in, which is fantastic when they can do it on their own.

TD Flenaugh: 14:26

That that's really good. I mean, that's good to hear. I feel like sometimes parents feel like this is a life sentence, like I'm always going to have these challenges, and my kids always going to have this challenge, I'm not going to be able to solve it, and so hearing that you're able, within a year or so, able to integrate them into the school setting in a way that's productive and they don't need you as a crutch or whatever way people might look at it for the rest of their lives, is really good to. Year.

Dr. Bilodeau: 15:00

Yeah, and honestly, at this point we look at primarily, most kids, it's three months. Usually within three months, they're integrating back in. We usually stay within the school for a year to two years, just because they have other kids that are coming up that need the supports and everything. But our skills have gotten to the point where we can do it very, very quickly, and we teach the kids those skills, to teach their parents those skills, or their caregivers those skills, and also teach, you know, the educators, those same skills. Because much of the time I'm going into work with the teachers and that sort of thing, and they're like, I'm just tired. I'm tired and I'm stressed, and I get it. It's been hard that one kid has probably taken up 90% of their time and energy. That's insane. It's really tough for them and the parents too. They're just wiped when we get by the time we meet them, typically,

TD Flenaugh: 15:53

yeah, I mean that that is so great that you are able to offer this service. So give us the website again,

Dr. Bilodeau: 16:01

the behaviorbootcamp.com.

TD Flenaugh: 16:04

Okay, good, and it definitely will be in our show notes. And also, you have a book that you have to help give strategies of some an in depth look at what you do. Can you tell us

Dr. Bilodeau: 16:16

I do. Yes, I do have a book, and I wrote the book to be a companion to the online course, or to be just another access point for people who couldn't access the course for whatever reason may be that they could definitely take a peek at the book and utilize that and each section is standalone. So if you're working with a student that's showing aggressive behavior, you look up the few pages on aggressive behavior, and in that it will show you what to do, what strategies to implement for those behaviors, and why the student could potentially be engaging in those behaviors, which is often very helpful. And each of those sections you can pull out. So if a teacher is walking into their classroom and they're like, oh, all the students are disruptive today, and they're super hyper, what's going on? You can look up the section on on students with disruptive behavior. Look up hyper aroused. It'll give you a whole graphic on what you're looking up for, strategies. And the same thing. If you walk in and you're say, you're working with high school kids. In the morning, there are going to be half asleep. So how to deal with the hypo aroused? You know? How to get them more engaged, and that sort of thing too, because that's a challenge in and of itself, or your anxious learner, or your learner who displays an anger and aggression, it will give you strategies for that so,

TD Flenaugh: 17:42

so usually you have parents or schools themselves. Do teachers ever reach out and say, we

Dr. Bilodeau: 17:48

often, yeah, I mean, I spend a lot of time on the phone or on zooms with teachers, for sure, going over strategies and things like that, and trying to give them tools of how to deal with this that are very simple, and some things are super, super simple. Like, it could be something like, if you've got a kid who's really anxious and overwhelmed, walk by them and drop a few things on the floor when they bend over to pick it up, squat down, talk to them for a second, that pressure on the stomach will actually push the serotonin out into the bloodstream and help to regulate them, so you might get five minutes of work out of them, and they're not going to be conflictual for a couple of minutes. So it's super, super simple strategies that aren't, please sit down and do your work or stop that, or something like that. Because usually those techniques, for students that we're dealing with nowadays, those techniques actually escalate them more. So it's techniques that are going to help to regulate very, very quickly, things like when you're teaching, make sure students can see your fingers. Make sure they can see your thumbs, and that the thumbs are raised, because that conveys confidence. So they'll feel safer in your presence. Really simple body language, sorts of things that they can implement while they're teaching, so they're not taking on another thing. They're just simply altering a little bit of what they do to make it work better for their classroom, to keep their class engaged.

TD Flenaugh: 19:11

Yeah, this is great, like, so one thing that you said is, like, these particular methods don't work anymore. I think that's something as you know, I've been in education since 2000 and you know, if you know, those of you who watch the podcast, know I was teaching kids my age and a little bit older or younger as I grew up, teaching kids how to read and stuff like that. But you know, over the years, we have seen some strategies that do not work. And if you know, you insist on doing those things, you're really gonna feel disconnected from teaching and all of that. Can you highlight some of those practices that you see people still using like they're really, you know, well seasoned educators or whatever? Yeah, things don't work anymore. And they really

Dr. Bilodeau: 20:00

they don't, yeah, the repeating of expectations, that's a big one that I see often, and that doesn't work, and oftentimes, the reason why is because it undermines your authority. The more times you're repeating what needs to be done, the the individual knows what you requested. You know, make the request and let it lie. If you have someone who has some issues with shifting, they usually present as oppositional defiance. It's actually an area of the brain that has an issue with shifting, called the anterior cingulate gyrus, and they need the request made, the expectation made, and then they need a few seconds for that request to settle into the subconscious so that they can process the request. So giving them 30 seconds or or provide a distraction will allow them to move forward. But don't repeat your expectation unless your learner just wasn't paying attention, or your child wasn't paying attention, that's different. So repeating the expectations is one compliance based models. Those don't typically work very well anymore. And the reason why is kids know. They know they're really smart. They know that if you say, Oh, I'm you know, you wait till the other parent gets home, or I'm gonna call the principal, or whatever, they're they're like, Oh, you don't have the power okay, so somebody else does. So I'll just wait till you get to that point to do it sort of thing.

TD Flenaugh: 21:24

Sorry. So that's the compliance based model where I Yeah, say I'm calling the dean, or I'm gonna call your father, or

Dr. Bilodeau: 21:31

wait, or you're gonna get in trouble for this. You're gonna get suspended. They're usually like, good, thank goodness. I wanted to be suspended. That was my goal. Today. I've got it all right.

TD Flenaugh: 21:42

I don't have to go to school, wonderful

Dr. Bilodeau: 21:45

yep. So those sorts of things don't very, very rarely work. Why? Because kids fears are in a different place at this point. Fear, fear, what is someone saying about me on social media? How am I going to interact with this other kid that doesn't seem to like me. Where am I going to be on the sports team that I want to be a part of? And those sorts of things, they're not fearful, per se, of authority figure. There is a very small group of kids that still are but that's not the norm. Whereas we saw the opposite 10 years ago.

TD Flenaugh: 22:22

Wow, I'm so glad you said that. Yes, it's not fearful for them, and that is nothing, you know, it just and you know, I I've moved around to different positions and different things like that. So I know that I've had to adjust. I think if you some educators or that are in the same place, in the same like grade level or something like that, for a long time, they don't notice the changes happening, and they're just like, wow, this group of kids is

Dr. Bilodeau: 22:51

really it's tough. Yeah, that's exactly, exactly

TD Flenaugh: 22:56

but it's like, we really have to change, because themselves, our kids are different. They are different. And like you said, the social media wasn't a thing, like it wasn't 15 years ago

Dr. Bilodeau: 23:06

and all kids are all kids are on it, I'm telling you, like I had to stop it basketball, not basketball, soccer camp today, because my daughter, of course, forgot something, and so I brought it down, and there's some kids phone sitting beside her bag, and there's, like, four or five Snapchats on it open. In the picture of this boy that had the phone, he looks like he's about nine years old, and he's he's got a phone. What is he? What are you doing on Snapchat at soccer camp, buddy, come on. Put the phone down. Get out there on the field. It's just a different world, right? The priority, it really is, theory, yeah.

TD Flenaugh: 23:47

And we may not know, like, you know, because as we get older, when I started teaching, I was very young, so I was really close and kind of understand more. But as I get older, I, you know, we just have different ways of viewing the world and getting to know the world and and all the things. So that's such a good point that you brought up. And for, you know, for people to reflect, like, what are some things that I'm doing that are not helpful anymore, that just don't work anymore? And then even giving the why behind it, I think, is great, because I do notice changes, but I didn't necessarily know, like this is because this is the diff, this is the fear. Now, not that I'm gonna call your dad or, you know you're gonna go to the dean's office, but you know the social media is the big fear, or, you know it

Dr. Bilodeau: 24:33

really is. And I mean, kids nowadays too, they're so overstimulated, and they're sent their condition to that so they are struggling to sleep at night. They are struggling to get enough hydration into them because of the liquids that are presented to them nowadays. I mean, I will say, probably 90. 8% of the students that I work with are dehydrated, and oftentimes, just having them hydrate, a lot of their challenging behaviors go away, which is remarkable, but it's like, between that and sleep, so many of them report to me, I don't sleep at night. I wake up this many times. I'm and I'm like, calculating the number of hours that they get, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, this kid's only sleeping like eight hours a night. That is not healthy and or less, yeah, yeah, a lot, especially high school kids, like high school kids, it's like six to seven hours max, yeah, it's really, it's really dysfunctional, and that all contributes to their their behavior, their ability to attend, their social interactions, everything else, and their immune system capacity and everything. So, you know, there's so many things that go into where they're at a lot of times, what I'm doing is I'm teaching kids how to be in the quiet, how to be in the stillness, taking time to do that, because it's not something they're used to experiencing, and they don't like it at first, unfortunately. So we try to make everything fun, but that's one that I usually really have to trick them into.

TD Flenaugh: 26:14

It's very basic, right? Like water and being in the stillness, but it, yes, it's so it's tough about it. It's not something that's normal. It's not something yet for them, right?

Dr. Bilodeau: 26:27

Yeah, it's tough for adults, too. I mean, I'm the first to say, if I'm waiting in a line, I'm usually checking my text messages, I'm I'm updating stuff. I'm doing that too. And every now and then I'll say, okay, just put your phone down for a few seconds, Bethany, and see if you can sit for the next two minutes without your phone going. And I'll sit there for a moment. And then I'm like, well, I should do this, and maybe I should do that. And I mean, we're being conditioned that way as well. And so it I would, we would only expect that kids are struggling with the same things.

TD Flenaugh: 26:59

Absolutely. I mean, yes, a lot of times, you know, like I said, there are some differences as we get older between our kids and ourselves, but also there are some commonalities, right? We can think like the phone has now infiltrated our life, right? And we have to think about what challenges we have with it, and we know that the kids aren't going to be any better than we are at resisting that foam, the pull of the algorithm, whatever it is, yeah, that has really hooked us into our devices, whatever that is, right? Everyone else, everyone's a little different about what it is, but we are all hooked in some way. You know, yes,

Dr. Bilodeau: 27:41

that dopamine hit is huge. And I will say for you, for parents or for and for educators, if you are really trying to teach your child or your student something and you're struggling with, like getting their attention and that sort of thing, the easiest way to do this, a recipe for this, is really you need to elicit appreciation from them. Productivity and connection, that can be really easily done. If you're in the home, what you can do is just say to your kid, what's your favorite meal? Oh, can you put this on the table? You've connected. You've got them to appreciate something, and they've done something productive. If you're in the school, you can say to your students, when you're doing roll call, what is your you know, what is your favorite animal? What's your favorite pet, or something like that. That's great. Pass this paper to your neighbor, or get out your pens, or whatever it may be that will release oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine, and as many of us know that's what primes the prefrontal cortex for learning. So if you really need to get them activated in that prefrontal cortex and you're struggling with getting them to be in that place, that's a simple, simple way to do it.

TD Flenaugh: 28:54

Love those strategies. Okay, so get a Dr. B, Dr. Bilodeau's book, you know, find her online if you need her services. I mean, so many great tips and strategies there. What do you what do you think parents are really getting wrong when it comes to their kids that are having these trauma responses.

Dr. Bilodeau: 29:23

Well, I will say, first of all, parents, give yourself grace. You're never doing anything wrong. We appreciate that. Your dedication to your children and everything else. I will say a lot of the time that when your child starts to get challenging and in crisis and escalated. Oftentimes we go there as well, you know, we match that behavior. Behavior matches itself with something else. It's energetic. And that tends to happen if your kid says, No, I don't want to do this. And you say, Oh, you will do it now, trying very hard to. Present in a safe way. Step away, give yourself a moment to step away and not have to come down and make a firm stand on that. Because oftentimes you need to give yourself a moment to think and say, Is this something that I'm going to live or die for? It may very well be, but it may not be, and we need to be able to give ourselves the time to determine whether or not that's going to be necessary and allow our child to feel safe in our presence, because they're watching us all the time and how we respond to everything, and nine times out of 10, you know, come back and they'll say it to you. So but we know you're all working as hard as you can, and you you're doing the tough work, and that is very, very much appreciated. Whenever I hear from a parent and they say, I'm so sorry to bother you. I'm so sorry that I reached out and I'm like, no, please reach out to me. I will give you my personal phone number. Please text me if you're having a challenge. I would rather give you the tools which are simple and effective and work than have you struggle and feel like you've been doing things in a way that wasn't helpful for a period of time? Yeah, that's always hard, because we've all learned it the hard way.

TD Flenaugh: 31:18

This is such important work. I mean, you know we obviously, you know we know we have a rash of like, violence in schools and school shootings and stuff. Yeah, that so having a a company and providing a service like this where we're able to help redirect the kids. I mean, it's so sad when the kids don't get the support they need, because when we've seen the cases of school violence and shooting and all that, they have done research, and they could go back and see all of the steps leading up to it,

Dr. Bilodeau: 31:56

yep,

TD Flenaugh: 31:57

and It's not a surprise, right?

Dr. Bilodeau: 32:00

Obviously, it's never a surprise, Yeah, unfortunately, yeah, which makes it so hard and everything. And we see that many times, like, Well, I'll start with a student, and I'll say, Oh my gosh. Like, I wish you guys had called me five years ago, seven years ago, that sort of thing. And in we're working against time at that point, which is great, because we know all those signs, and we're able to do all those things and everything else. But people have been in pain for a long time. Parents have been in pain. The individual has been in pain. Educators have been in pain. Anyone who's come into contact has really suffered through this, saying, why can't we figure this out? And it's usually a matter of they just aren't aware of different support tools that are are out there that can help. Yes, so this is such an important show, I know it's going to save somebody's life out there, right? Because they're going to get those strategies needed, because the kids are already displaying violence. They're in pain, they're in a trauma response from something that they've dealt with and that the violence touches all of us, right? Like it'll be a teacher it does

TD Flenaugh: 33:18

that might get hurt. It might be a student, you know, they're someone who dies. They're, you know, because a lot of times they'll hurt the family member, then they'll go to the schools. I mean, it's just, it's a ripple effect, and we really need to, you know, reach out and get help. Like, don't quietly deal with your kid having all these challenges. Maybe you don't want to tell everyone in the family, that's fine, right?

Dr. Bilodeau: 33:42

Yeah,

TD Flenaugh: 33:42

out and get support where someone can help you. Like, there's professional right there that can help you. It's nothing to feel shame about. Like, kids are kids, and they're able to get support as long as we're going to provide right, if we provide right, if we ignore it, we just hope it's gonna get better, you know, and if it's not helping go to someone else and go to someone else and go to someone else, because it's necessary to do that, because sometimes what the person's trying to do isn't the right approach to what's going on. My husband always says, I hate going to grocery stores with you and places like that, Bethany, because you break up every fight. You're constantly like, set going over to people at work and being like, this is going to happen, so on and so forth. He's like, You never get the shopping done. You're just doing all these other things when you're there. And I'm like, I can't help it. I mean, you know, people always are like, Oh, I can't believe this happened. You know, in the after, like, we're trying to point you in a direction where you could go, where you could get support, right? It's not going to get better just because you're wishing it better. And I just love that you said, go to someone else. Like, Oh, I tried. I tried counseling. Like, okay, well, then go to another counselor. Like, go to

Dr. Bilodeau: 35:06

another one, yep, yep, exactly,

TD Flenaugh: 35:09

yep. Don't give up, because

Dr. Bilodeau: 35:11

be relentless.

TD Flenaugh: 35:12

Yes! right? Yes, yes, yes, yes

Dr. Bilodeau: 35:18

Our children are worth it. You know, nobody should have to be suffering. So really keep, you know, keep knocking on those doors until you find you find something that's going to work. Because oftentimes it is different methods. And people will say, what do you do for this child? Or whatever? Well, I can tell you what to do for different instances, but every program I work with the student is custom made for the student so based on what they need, so and for the family as well, and for the teachers and that, you know, interact with that student too. It depends on the group that's there so, you know, and if it doesn't work, just keep, you know, go knock to the knock on someone else's door, because, you know, you guys are worth it, and your youth are worth it

TD Flenaugh: 36:02

absolutely. Thank you so much. Dr. Bilodeau, do you know? Get her book. Go to her website. You know, don't suffer in silence. Don't let your kid suffer in silence. Let's, you know, come up with a solution, right? And keep the

Dr. Bilodeau: 36:18

Absolutely. Yeah,

TD Flenaugh: 36:20

keep working at it. Okay? We love that you've joined us again on the falling for learning podcast, please do something today that's going to give your child the competitive advantage. Thank you. Thanks again for supporting the falling for learning podcast, new episodes go live every Saturday at 5pm you can watch us on youtube.com at falling for learning, or listen on all major podcast platforms such as Apple, Google, Audible, Spotify and much more For more resources, visit falling in love with learning.com we really appreciate you. Have a wonderful week.