Who is Responsible? Parents or Teachers

In this episode, TD Flenaugh dives into the vital balancing act between home and school responsibilities, sharing practical insights for parents and teachers to foster children's independence, good habits, and love for learning. Discover how small daily steps can set children up for lifelong success.

Timestamps: 

00:00 - Introduction: The importance of balancing home and school responsibilities
02:22 - The demands of classroom routines, such as shoe-tying and behavior habits
04:57 - Teaching procedures like sitting, taking turns, and routines
07:15 - Supporting children with trauma, meltdowns, and behavioral challenges
08:40 - Teaching older children to question authority and communicate respectfully
11:14 - The value of modeling, explanation, and gradual release in teaching skills
13:39 - Promoting positive attitudes towards learning and avoiding a punishment mindset
15:57 - Strategies for teaching through mistakes, patience, and celebrating wins
21:36 - Broadening learning beyond the classroom to real-world experiences
26:25 - Engaging children with new experiences like museums and family outings
28:22 - The parent-teacher negotiation: sharing responsibilities for child success

Resources & Links:

• The R.E.W.R.I.T.E. Method
• The R.E.W.R.I.T.E. Method Workbook

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the Filing for Learning Podcast We're going live a little early today. I have decided to go early on today because I want to open it up for questions that anyone might have. I have my book out, The Rewrite Method, the Rewrite Method Workbook, but now I also have a novel that really is my origin story, but it's fictionalized to protect some innocent people. Anyway, so again, thank you for joining us today. The topic of this podcast is going to be about balancing home and school responsibilities for learning. So I know that as times change, there's different expectations, or maybe as society changes, maybe the past expectations of schools that parents have is different. And so I want us to really open up this conversation today to think about what is the parent's responsibility and what are the school's responsibility as far as teaching the child. So stay tuned. You don't want to miss this episode. Like and subscribe to find out more. So let's get into this topic. So when it comes to what's going on in schools, think people a lot of times are like, why aren't students moving at a certain level? And what are the parents doing when the kids come to school and they don't know certain things? So I think it's really important to have a conversation about what is the parent's responsibility and what's the school's responsibility. So I've delved into this topic just a little bit before. um We had Lord Mosley on and she was talking about how some parents expect teachers to teach kids how to tie shoes or if they're not asking them to actually teach the kids how to tie shoes, then they are actually expecting the teacher to tie the shoes, right? em But. I think sometimes not understanding what the demands are of classroom teachers and then when there's multiple children, figuring out the logistics of doing certain things that as a parent maybe aren't a big deal and don't take a lot of time. So tying shoes for one child is, you know, pretty doable. And, but... When you're thinking about multiple kids, it's a huge issue, right? And so that takes us to other topics, like, you know, not, you know, just understanding, when kids come to school, if they have come to school with certain habits in place, then it makes it lot easier for the teacher to teach the reading, to teach the math, right? When we are teaching kids, you know, manners, like basic manners, like they don't have any concept of that or very little concept of it. We're teaching them how to sit down. We're teaching them how to concentrate. And then we're also supposed to teach them the alphabet, the numbers, the letters. Then it's very challenging, right, to add on those extra behaviors that they need to learn and habits. So coming to school with basic habits in place are really important. What I mean by habits is just even making sure that you know when to take your turn, right? Because in a school of multiple kids in a classroom with, you know, dozens of kids, um it is challenging if a kid doesn't know how to take their turn, right? They're jumping in front of other kids. They are yelling out when it's not their time to talk. And if... course, this does not mean that the child is bad or horrible or anything. It just means that they have not learned that and we're still teaching it to them. But it does take away from actual academics, teaching the reading, teaching math, teaching information about science. because you have to slow down and make sure that they learn that lesson. Now, yes, some people are thinking like, doesn't the teacher teach that? To a certain extent, they teach procedures and routines, right? So teaching procedures and routines is... Fairly easy to teach if there are some basics in place already they know how to sit down they know how to take turns then when I say This is the procedure like these are the steps that we need to do when it's time to line up You wait for me to call your name you walk to your area Because you know they already have in practice like I'm gonna stay here for a moment until I get the next instruction and then they are learning the process or the steps to go through to line up or to get called on or whatever the case may be. So that's a procedure. But if that basic behavior is not in place, where you know, I need to stand here for a moment, I need to wait and listen, and they haven't really been taught that, then the kid's running up when they're not supposed to, they're interrupting people. And so we have to take other measures. And then of course, that's thinking about one child being out. that um habit right or not learning that habit if you have multiple kids that don't know that habit or need to be taught that then it takes the whole class back right trying to figure out you know how we could teach the kid and then proceed with actually teaching the procedure so the classroom could be orderly so I think I just want to take time to talk about this because sometimes parents don't understand that because you don't have multiple kids m or dozens of kids doing something at the same time and then trying to make sure it's orderly and definitely there are teachers who are not patient or not teaching procedures or Not having a good relationship with kids and that creates problems But we're just talking about some things that they could be set up for success with at home so that they can be um able to integrate into the classroom in a seamless way. But there's several steps that go before you being able to just line up when it's your turn or walk in a line and wait for your turn to line up for lunch or whatever the case is. uh Maybe getting called on to get help. and there take some patients, you know, where kids may have a meltdown, they might cry, and some of that is normal behavior, but sometimes the behavior is more extreme depending on what the child has been going through, their home environment, things that they've been exposed to, trauma that they need to be able to process and they haven't been able to process yet. So those things are all some aspects that need to be taken into consideration when we're thinking out about how to set our children up for success. So what I've been talking about so far is really about younger kids, but when we're even talking about older kids, that is a thing as well that we need to consider. They have different needs as they get older. They might be questioning authority more, uh which is not bad in and of itself, but the way that they ask... or question authority can be a problem and a barrier to uh actually getting the things that they need. uh They could also be thinking about how to ask, when to ask, is the teacher in the mid-sentence and you're yelling out something while the teacher's talking or you waiting to the teacher is done and then saying, okay, you explained this, but this doesn't make sense to me because of this. And really having a a meeting of the minds, right? You're asking questions, you're hearing answers, you're asking in a respectful tone, you're asking at a respectful time, and you should be able to get your questions answered. Now again, there are some people who don't like to be questioned, and that might cause problems in and of itself, but that's a different situation, right? uh People sometimes don't like to be questioned, and of course that's something that, you know, if you've been teaching for a long time or you feel like you have control or you should have control and you should just accept what authority says. So those are different. em That's a different kind of mindset. So I'm just talking about just how you ask and when you ask. I think it's fine to ask questions to question authority. I believe that our children are going to be leaders, right? Not just believe, but I know that they're going to be leaders. So we have to absolutely support them in their leadership. And that is questioning authority sometimes and questioning why things are done the way they're done, because we aren't moving forward if we're not questioning it, if we're not examining it, if we're not seeing if this particular practice is out of step with the social norms or the modern day and really examining what we do and why we do it is important. Now, I'm not going to say that, that's not annoying. Sometimes it might be, and there's a lot of things annoying. But I also know as a teacher that's always continuously improving, as a parent that's always trying to continuously improve, to be patient and really think through the situation. Change is often uncomfortable. so being part of being noted, noticing that that's the part of the process, I'm going to maybe feel uncomfortable but I'm gonna go ahead and let you ask questions we're go ahead and talk about it and then you know sometimes it is a no I'm going to keep things the same way and sometimes I'm going to change I'm going to take your suggestion and I think that give-and-take really works best right not to say every time you ask me something is it gonna be a no I'm not gonna change this and I'm not going to consider doing it in a different way When I'm teaching students and really focusing on helping them to read better, the focus of course is helping them to be get remain engaged. And sometimes we're doing a lot of the same types of activities. And if the kids are like, they ask me, well, can I can we take turns? Because sometimes we're going to do it together. Sometimes we're going to do it by themselves. Sometimes they are going to watch me do it. And I don't want them doing anything besides watching me at that time. You know, maybe it's one or two examples only. But I really want them to watch me and then I'll explain what I'm doing and how that might be different from what I've seen them do and why this strategy is helpful for them to uh copy or to adopt right and so um There may be some times I'm like, nope, I know you may not like to write. And so that's fine. We're building our writing skill. It's okay. I know you don't like to do it, but there's other times we're reading together and they say, can we take turns? And I'm like, okay, sure. Let's take turns. We might be writing on paper and they may say, well, can we just write on the whiteboard? And it's, let's write on the whiteboard. That's fine. So being very flexible with kids is very important. And as parents, we could also do that to be flexible with our kids and you know, what's the, you know, is there a point? Sometimes there's a point, no, it needs to be done this way. And sometimes it's like, no, it doesn't matter if you write it on paper or the whiteboard. Let's write on the whiteboard, it's fine, right? So as long as we're getting the thing done that we need to get done. and you know they're participating and then we're doing that give and take because I'm going to ask you to do some things that you're not going to want to do. Parents have to ask kids to do things they don't want to do. Teachers have to do the same thing but there is some wiggle room sometimes about that. So we also want to talk about the attitude towards learning and where I'm touching on it a little bit when we're talking about that give and take when kids ask for some flexibility. um We also know that parents very much shape, family shape the way kids view learning or view school. So sometimes it's like, you're a nerd or you read a lot or whatever, that's a kind of attitude. It's not cool to read, it's not cool to to learn or be smart or whatever. So we need to be very careful with that as parents, like promoting intelligence and promoting learning um and promote that it's fun. Some parents again really focus in on the seriousness of learning. And then that misses the mark because kids are feeling like they're punished or only when they're being bad they have to do this. Rather than this is a part of fun thing that we could do in our lives is learn, right? This is a uh part of growing and getting better and becoming more independent. um I have some kids, don't feel like doing something sometimes and they're like, you know, I don't want to do this. And I said, I know that's part of growing up. That's part of doing things that we don't want to do. um You know, and we get better over time because we're doing it even when we don't feel like doing it. Right. That is the process. Right. and explaining that and then pointing out those wins. So another thing is very important, positive feedback. So as kids are learning, learning means you don't know how to do something, right? So learning involves mistakes and we need to make sure that we're patient with those mistakes. So some things, and we've seen things go viral because a parent's trying to explain something to a child and the child keeps missing it. But what happens a lot of times with teaching, right? If you're not a teacher, you may not know how to teach. And so you have to be aware of that, right? So maybe it's just the way you're delivering it isn't right. But I've seen a lot of times where people will say the same thing over and over again, thinking, let me say it slower this time and you're gonna get it. And that's not the case. So we need to think about what we're doing at home when we're teaching our kids. Are we saying the same thing over and over again and thinking they're gonna get it or we're gonna say, let me show you a different way. Let me give you a different example. Let me actually show you what you want me to what I want you to do so that you can do it right so and then celebrating those wins giving good feedback right positive feedback you did this and this and this right however this one part I need you to fix so let me show you and then slowing down what you're doing explaining why you're doing it can help them Sometimes you'll have to give the answer, but explaining the answer and explaining how you did it, having them do it with you, watching you do it, and then you explaining what to do as they do it with them. So there's this gradual release process. And when I'm talking about learning, it's a range of things. You may not know how to teach kids to read, but as a parent, you can teach your kids some things and then talk to them about the learning process. There's lots and lots of kids, like I said, don't know how to tie their shoes or don't know how to do certain things. And then we're really thinking about the time. It is faster if you tie their shoes, yes. But you need to take, it, A lot of times it's just five minutes a day. Literally putting a five minute timer on and showing you how to walk through it yourself is going to make the difference rather than I'm very busy, I'm gonna take one minute and I'm gonna tie these shoes and we're gonna go. Nope, we're gonna spend five minutes. I'm gonna show you how to do it. We're gonna do step one, step two. you know, and then you could gradually let go of, okay, I just did step one for you. Can you do step two? Can you do step three? So really helping them, again, showing them what to do, modeling, also doing it with them and explaining, and then giving them the time to do it on their own. It is a lot faster for you to do it for them. But in the long run, It does not give them the independence they need if they always need a teacher or an adult or even another kid to tie their shoes. They need to have their own independence and that helps them to be proud of themselves. That helps them to know that they could do hard things. And so again, you may not know how to teach math or teach reading. But teaching them and explaining that learning process to kids is so important. And so that is something that we really, find sometimes the parents are missing. Like what have you taught your child? And uh what have you explained to them about their ability to do hard things? And when we are missing those elements, we're not teaching our kids to do hard things. We're not helping them go through a process. when they're trying to learn something at school and we're trying to take them through the process and sometimes they feel like they don't want to do it and sometimes it's not easy or you know they have to keep trying they keep making mistakes then they may want to give up because this is not normal in what they've experienced with parents or at home so again that you know the parenting piece the home piece like Let me get the time to help you with whatever it is. Cook some eggs. um Tie the shoes. Make your bed. Clean up your room. Organize the books in your library. Whatever it is. Whatever it is that you're teaching them um is very important. And I think in today's... day and age where kids are often on devices and addicted to devices and different things like that, we are forgetting to take the time to teach our kids certain things. And kids will learn a lot, right? They watch us, they imitate what we do, but they may not understand other things. And so that is why we have to think about what are we gonna teach our child next? I'm gonna teach them how to talk on the phone. That sounds funny, but just saying hello, saying something to someone, listening, whatever we're teaching them, take the time to teach them, make it okay for them to make mistakes, make it a safe place to make mistakes, and you're celebrating the wins that they're making as they work. So these are very important things. And as you hear me talking, you might be thinking about other ways that you could teach your kids and different things that you could take time to show your kids. Because a lot of times they see you doing something, they want to know how to do it. From brushing their teeth, like how do I brush my teeth correctly? How do I clean the dog's cage or the animal, hamster's cage correctly? What are some mistakes that I made? But what are some things that I did right in this process? What can I do better? And then when they do it better next time, really celebrating, you learned so much, you got that right. Last time you had a mistake with this and this now, you figured that out. And then explaining, even asking them, like, how'd you figure that out? Because you really had a problem with that last time. Now you're learning how to ride your bike. You're doing great on your scooter. Whatever it is that they're learning. So learning is learning. It does not have to be alphabet, books, math. It could be a range of things because that is a whole life, a holistic, a well-rounded life. They know how to cook, they know how to clean, they know how to uh navigate the grocery store, all these different things they could learn how to do and you could be the person to teach them. and that learning experience will transfer to school and set them up for success. So I know some parents think, can't really help, I don't know how to read well, I don't know how to teach reading, I don't know how to teach math that well, but you can teach them things that you like to do and that they see you doing and they already are probably trying to do it anyway. Even if they don't know how to do it, they're gonna try to do it and then you could start teaching them and talking to them about the learning process. That opens them up for being a lifelong learner. And then when they face hard things at work, at school, or work later on, they will be ready. And they know that they can learn how to do hard things and they've had success, right? So you're setting a track record in place for them that is going to propel them throughout their lives, right? For success. They could do hard things, they could learn hard things, they could take on challenges. And that started at home. em So both home and school, so let's talk about those overlapping things that are both home and school responsibilities. Obviously teachers are teaching math, they're teaching em to read, they're teaching alphabet, right? And so then to have this home school connection really work in favor for the child is that whatever they're learning at school, you take a little bit of time to reinforce. So you are helping your child to learn those alphabet. And I know that some of us are very passionate about helping our kids. And sometimes we will work with them for three hours, two hours. They hate to do it. We start yelling. Again, I always want to remind parents, take a step back. If you're getting frustrated, that's okay. They are getting frustrated, take a break, right? So you don't want to establish like this battle when they're trying to learn. You wanna make it fun again and as lighthearted as possible by telling them the things that they're doing well. And then you're telling them one or two things that they're not doing well and helping them to improve. um I have seen some parents in the past because the work is not neat, they'll tear up the paper. These things are setting your child up for hating to learn, right? They're making learning or academics anonymous with not having fun or being punished. So be careful when that is happening. And again, take a break and come back to it later. Write a note to the teacher, we weren't able to finish because blah, blah, blah, and go back to it. You are going to do much better when you are on a regular basis getting the learning rather than We worked for three hours on Saturday on this task and I couldn't get them to work after that or I didn't have any time to do work after that because you probably will be against the learning in the work at home. So give yourself 10 minutes, 15 minutes, positivity, setting a routine in place maybe the same time or after a particular task like after we eat dinner we always do. homework or right after we get home we always do homework whatever that routine is you're setting it in place and you're getting them down you know whenever it's time for homework we're turning off the television we're making sure that we are only on apps that are learning apps we're not just on you know scrolling YouTube or social media whatever it is you're setting things in place and at school you know we are exposing children to lots of different experiences. So they have learning activities that are at the school that are great experiences. They have speakers that come. They have art. They have music. They just have a variety of exposures to different things. And at home, I know parents get very busy. I know some of uh you have two, three jobs or whatever, but try to see if you can't take them to different experiences that someone else can. Right? So have some family excursions, simple activities, going to the park, helping them go to a free museum. There's lots of free museums. I know that there is. There are many museums that are free at least once a month. And there's a website that you can get that from. so you could give them experiences and exposure and explain how learning moves beyond the classroom. And it'll give them a desire to do things and try out new things and eventually discover their passion and their purpose. em And again, we do that at school, but that's what we mean. At school, we're doing lots of activities. and learning experiences and then at home you're doing that too and that's going to lead kids to finding things that they love and that they're passionate about. So as a parent, I know that my daughter when she was really young, I remember the teacher telling me, you she said she had never gone to the circus. And she's like, there's a circus in town this month or this weekend. And I got tickets and I took her to the circus. So again, maybe you can't go this year to the circus or whatever that experience is. but you can plan ahead. Like, okay, next year I'm gonna get tickets, I'm gonna save up the money or whatever. And again, there's always family members. There's usually family members who are willing to donate those tickets if you are short on cash or whatever. And they'll be like, yeah, I wanna take my little niece to the park or to the circus or whatever. So they might pay for you guys to go or they might take your child themselves. So look for those opportunities. to make learning just a part of life. We're going to see the aquarium so we can learn more about this. We're going to see this and it's just really fun. And it's not looked at as something that is boring or something that is a chore. They're really thinking about it's expanding the things that they know about and the things that they have knowledge about. knowledgeable about and able to speak and articulate. So please leave me some comments or some questions. Reach out to us at the email, write or tie edge email about some of the things that maybe you are surprised about that your child's teacher was not teaching or has not been teaching or you expected them to do it or even, know, educators, are some things that kids have not learned that you we're surprised about or have been changing over the years. em And it should be like a negotiation or a conversation between parents and teachers about what's the school responsibility and what's the home responsibility, because the goal is the same for children to be independent and successful. Thank you so much for joining us on the Falling for Learning podcast. Do something today that's gonna give your child the competitive advantage. Have a great week.