We Recommend: A Movie Podcast
We Recommend is a movie podcast where every week Jesse and Jason discuss a movie that they love and recommend you to watch and then come back and listen to their podcast!
We Recommend: A Movie Podcast
Anaconda (1997)
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
A giant snake is scary. A giant snake paired with a crew that keeps making the worst possible choices? That’s cinema. We’re rewatching Anaconda (1997) and breaking down why this Amazon jungle creature feature still hits as a comfort movie, even with the shaky CGI and the all-time questionable decisions.
We would love to hear from you! Send us an email and maybe it will be read on the podcast! werecommendmailbag@gmail.com
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2199769
Music produced by Joey Prosser. X @mrjoeyprosser
Welcome And Cold Open Quotes
SPEAKER_05Hello and welcome to the We Recommend Podcast, a movie podcast where every week we recommend a movie for you to watch and then come back here and listen to us discuss. I'm Jesse. I'm Jason.
SPEAKER_04Never look in never look in the eyes of the of those you kill. They will haunt you forever.
SPEAKER_05I felt like that was not a good accent for his eyes.
SPEAKER_01His is more like forced squeezing.
SPEAKER_05Well it's like I couldn't even like read the I couldn't even read the quote without messing up because I'm like, how do you even make it's like, how did I butcher an accent that's already been butchered? It's like inception of butchering act accents at the same time.
SPEAKER_01How do you get in the mind of a perverted Paraguayan boat captain? Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I don't know if you know this. You know that John Voigt is the father of Angelina Jolie. What?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Wow.
SPEAKER_01He looks way worse than she does.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, they uh don't look alike at all. She's prettier. Yeah, she's who also was married to Brad Pitt, who we did last week's episode. Oh, 12 monkeys. All right, they're not married anymore. Yeah, not anymore. They lasted quite a bit, though. Yeah. They had a good run. They did all right. I don't know anything else about their own. They just wouldn't stop eating. If there was something bad about
Why Anaconda Is So Rewatchable
SPEAKER_05their marriage, I do not know about it, so don't at me, bro. Jason, anaconda, baby. What do you think? I think you're pronouncing it wrong. It's driving me insane. Anaconda.
SPEAKER_01Anna.
SPEAKER_05Anaconda. What I was saying? I said an uh. Because you said I was saying it wrong. I thought I was saying anaconda.
SPEAKER_01No, it doesn't matter. A lot of people do this.
SPEAKER_05How do you say it?
SPEAKER_01Anaconda.
SPEAKER_05Anaconda. Am I saying it wrong?
SPEAKER_01Like Anna.
SPEAKER_05Anna.
SPEAKER_01You were saying Anda.
SPEAKER_05No, you were.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_05It's okay. It's gonna happen. So, um, all right. This movie is a bad movie. Right? What? But it's also extremely entertaining and great. And I've watched it a billion times in my life.
SPEAKER_01This is one of our favorite movies as a family to watch. Really? That's awesome.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's one of the it's like a perfect little there's so much to laugh at. The practical effects are great. And bad. And also the CGI is bad.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, the practical Yeah, like when they're when they're getting wrapped up by the snake, like that is fucking.
SPEAKER_05It rips, like, especially when uh Mateo gets like, and then his neck snap. That it turns into CGI for a second there. But yeah, that rips. And I mean, nobody gives a good performance in the movie, but that just adds to like how good the movie is. Okay, yeah, he did all right, sure. He's just like, oh damn. Honestly, my favorite was Westridge. The like posh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01He was so dainty.
SPEAKER_05He crushed the role, and he's the only one that did it.
SPEAKER_01Someone helped me with my hand.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Um, but yeah, like it's just funny because like you look at reviews, and of course, this got terrible reviews when it came out. I mean, deservedly so, right? It just only became like known as this, like, no, it's a great time. It's it's you you're not feeling good that day, put on anaconda, make you feel a little bit better. Hell yeah, man. Like, that's how it feels to me. And then plus, you like drink a little bit, smoke a little bit, it even gets better. Especially every time they give a close-up of John Voigt's his upside down smile. It's just like, stop staring at J Lo.
SPEAKER_01J Lo, who is a good actress, is it's like his face says he's always getting duct tape peeled off of him, like slowly.
SPEAKER_05It's like he's doing his best Clint Eastwood that he can possibly do and is this bad at it. It's like if I was trying to do Clint Eastwood. Um, but isn't it wild how like how good bad movies used to be?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Like this and uh like Lake Placid was one of those too.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, like I love Lake Placid when like Betty Watt's feeding a deer. I don't think it's Betty White. Was it Betty White? I can't remember. I think so. Um, but it's just like like bad movies used to have charm to them. Yeah, that's true. And I know not like all of them did, but like most of them had a little bit of charm to them. And versus now, like whenever you have it, it's just like like if you watch a bad Netflix movie, it's like, what is this? It's two and a half hours long, and there's nothing fun about it.
SPEAKER_01There's no snakes or anything.
SPEAKER_05You add 20 minutes to this movie. This movie sucks when it wouldn't be doing it on the podcast. Like, no joke. What could you add? What could possibly be added? I mean, the only thing is like a few more snake attacks. Three snakes?
SPEAKER_01Three three, like one three-headed snake?
SPEAKER_05Yeah. I mean, whenever I said like three snakes, I just immediately thought of it's always sunny in Philadelphia. Three wars? Three wars? When they do their podcast. Anyways. Um I can't remember that episode. So good. Um, does the Anna conda just stop stop forcing it, just go. Does it kind of does it kind of look too cute? With this little, it's his eyes are kind of close together, and it's just like, I'm just like, get over here, guy.
SPEAKER_01It's kind of like a Pokemon.
SPEAKER_05Every time I looked at it, I was just like, oh, he's back. Which is not the reaction anybody else had in the movie.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. No, I can't, I can't wait for the snake to show up.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Meet somebody, spit him out.
SPEAKER_05I will say, like, all the camera work with the peop like point of view from the snake, excellent. It was really great. And I think it's just like, you know, that's what point of view shots are supposed to be. Do you're like sneaking up on people or like people like hanging out with it?
SPEAKER_01I'm a sneaky snake.
SPEAKER_05I'm a snakey snake. Oh, look at me. I'm a snakey snake.
SPEAKER_01We're gonna eat you whole. I'm gonna eat you.
SPEAKER_05That was actually a YouTube video first. Really? That I think Family Guy was making fun of. Uh depends when I don't know. That episode might have came out before a YouTube video. So I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_01Um, but yeah. I do know what you're talking about, though.
SPEAKER_05Because he's got a little snake thing. I'm just a snaky snake. Um, but yeah, I love the look of it. Um, so do you want to marry the Anaconda? Because if I was single, it was single.
SPEAKER_01I feel like the Anaconda would be a very generous lover.
SPEAKER_05I don't know. It gives good cuddles.
SPEAKER_01Um Divore.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm not really into that.
SPEAKER_05So I can't we kind of talked about this, but this was one of my questions. Is anybody in this film giving a good performance besides Westridge?
SPEAKER_01I think JLo is, you know, most of the time. I guess I guess all right. He's okay. It's well John Voy does.
SPEAKER_05John Boyd is so bad that it makes everybody else look a little bit better than they actually are. It's just insane. He is an insane. Danny Trejo did a pretty decent job at the beginning.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. He should have had more lines.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's what happens when you ask a gun for advice.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, so uh Amazon.
SPEAKER_05Scary place. Place seems fucking scary. Yeah, snakey. Hey, where are you going? This rainforest snakes is falling everywhere.
SPEAKER_00When they were they're like, Why are all these snakes here? You knew there were gonna be snakes here. It's Amazon. What do you expect to be in there? I don't know.
SPEAKER_05You already talked about getting in the water and constantly being covered in leeches.
SPEAKER_00This is all his fault putting all these snakes in the water. I know.
SPEAKER_05And this is another movie where I'm like the whole time like, just listen to the if you just do everything the bad guy says, y'all would have been out of there a long time ago. Y'all have done nothing but get in his way from just getting what he wants and then taking you back. There's well un until a certain point, and then once they get to that certain point, it's like, I know this guy fucking sucks. But there's a lot of parts in this where I was like, like, you guys are being just because he acts a little weird, you guys are being so defensive around him. And I'm like, and some of the things he's just like, look, I know this place, I've been here forever. I have my own goals, just like you guys got your own goals in this situation. Yeah, they could have both won. It's like they just immediately wanted to be so negative towards everything he says. He's like, Why'd you even rescue him?
SPEAKER_01But uh, yeah, there's no how to get down the river.
SPEAKER_05Second movie where I'm like defending the bad guy. Though I guess Brad Pitt wasn't really the bad guy in 120s.
SPEAKER_01No, it was crazy.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, he's just weirdo. So um, we'll get to
Animatronic Chaos And Snake Facts
SPEAKER_05some facts. A power surge during production caused the hydraulic control system of the large animatronic Anaconda to fail, sending the 2,000-pound puppet into uncontrolled violent movements.
SPEAKER_01Hilarious. Where's that video? Yeah, I don't know. There has to be like a special There has to be, right?
SPEAKER_05They gotta get that on film.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um, 10 puppeteers lost command of the mechanism. Cameras stalk rolling once crew confirmed the malfunctions. Footage captured before shutdown was retained and appears to be in the final cut, though. It's just stupid. So there are I'm assuming there's like probably parts where it's like hooked on the line where it's just like flipping the hook.
SPEAKER_01It's just going up and down like one of those inflatable flailing arm things.
SPEAKER_05Like in Tropic Thunder. Have you seen it? Yeah where like Ben Stiller keeps getting dunked. Cut! Cut. Um, but yeah, they had a lot of issues with the the snake, and uh, I got like a four or more facts about it. Nice. Uh let's have it. The film attributes the canadre with the tendency to enter the human body through the urethra or vagina. Scientific documentation identifies this behavior as an extreme rarity rather than a common predatory habit. Marine biologist Jeremy Wade corroborated a single medical case in 1997 where a specimen was surgically removed from a male patient. Dr. Samad Nasir documented the procedure, though is thisologists frequently cite the lack of subsequent verified cases as evidence that the fish does not actively seek out the human host.
SPEAKER_01So it doesn't actively do it. This is a freak accident.
SPEAKER_05It's just like if it if it's just like in the area, it might just hang out or might enter your urethra.
SPEAKER_01I think I'm still not gonna jump in that water ever.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I mean, I don't even want to jump in lake water anymore. Yeah. Like the amount of like times I heard that a dead body was found in like a local river, I'm like, you know, I'll just go to the beach. It says salt in it. So each second of CGI snake footage costs $100,000 to produce. What? The film combined this computer-generated work with two principal animatronic builds, a 40-foot, 5,000-pound queen model and a 25-foot, 1,500-pound warrior model. Nice. Ice Cube stated in a confirmed interview that he hates snakes, a fear shared by multiple cast members during the Amazon production. The primary source of fear on set was not live snakes, but the approximately one-ton animatronic anacona. Built by special effects supervisor Walt Conti. Ice Cube described the malfunctioning prop as a serious physical hazard. The computer-controlled mechanism lost control during uh filming, tore through the set, and nearly struck Jennifer Lopez before crew shut it down. Production notes from executive producer Susan Ruskin and official unit press materials confirmed that multiple cast members expressed strong aversion to both the live snakes used in certain scenes and an animatronic creature throughout the Amazon location shoot. I just love it because you know like ice cube is like this uh like tough guy with streets of LA. And he's just like, this damn robot snake's scaring the shit out of me.
SPEAKER_03I wonder if he made a whole album of it.
SPEAKER_01I know. And I think you could feel that attitude throughout the whole movie.
SPEAKER_05He's like, I wasn't even supposed to have a knife in the movie. That was just in case this giant mechanical snake came out after me. Not enough. That would have been funny though.
SPEAKER_01They come to take his prop. He's like, I know prop. This is my fucking knife. This is my knife.
SPEAKER_05I'm gonna kill the snake if it gets near me. It's uh you can't kill it with a knife, it's uh mechanical. I'll try. Um, the animatronic anacon anacondas features slanted pupils rather than the round pupils of biological anacondas. Creature effects designer Walt Conti and director Luis Loza modified the eye design to enhance the snake's threatening appearance. It made it cuter. Somehow. I thought it was the cutest little guy I've ever seen. I was like, yeah, man, come over here, give me a hug, dog. Suck. The green anaconda ranks as the largest snake native to the Americas and the heaviest snake in the world. Nice. Though the ridiculed python achieves a greater maximum length, the oh no, not ridiculed. Reticulated python achieves greater maximum length.
SPEAKER_00You're too long, snake.
SPEAKER_05Reticulated python native of South and Southeast Asia holds the distinction as the largest snake species currently recognized. Have you ever um you ever been around like a bow constrictor or a python?
SPEAKER_01I mean I've seen anaconas and zoos.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, outside of zoos, you ever got to hold one?
SPEAKER_01Not really. I mean the little ones.
SPEAKER_05As a kid, I think there's a picture of me. Um just wrapped up.
SPEAKER_01No, is that like a they're trying to pull it off of it?
SPEAKER_05It was a local, I think, wrestling show, like where I grew up. Nice. And I think one guy came out with like a pet.
SPEAKER_01Wrestling or having a snake as a wrestler was pretty popular.
SPEAKER_05Jake the snake, baby. Poor guy. He had a lot of problems with drugs. Oh so green anacondas are primarily primarily nocturnal predators that spend the majority of the this is at this point, I'm just talking about snakes and facts about snakes, okay? Yeah, I just found it hello interesting and just want to talk about snakes now. So green anacondas are primarily nocturnal predators that spend the majority of their lives in aquatic environments. The film depicts the snakes hunting in daylight and moving swiftly across dry land, whereas the species is largely inactive during daytime hours and moves with considerably difficult on land due to their massive size. Anacondas are most active at dusk and nightfall, and their terr terrestrial locomotion is characteristically slow and cumbersome compared to their agile swimming abilities.
SPEAKER_01Dang. Man, I'm fucking crushing words right now, baby. And does it say anything about the reason they regurgitate their food?
SPEAKER_05Is it probably just like to get away from pro no uh I actually did mean to look that up and forgot to. Well that's what I think that's what I kind of remembered. I think um when we were watching it earlier this year, Natalie looked it up and it is like a thing that they do. But I don't know why. Maybe it like helps digest faster. I don't know. Or they like the stretching stuff.
SPEAKER_01I thought it was because like when you eat something so big, you kind of just have to lay around for the like digest. No, not this.
SPEAKER_05You just got Owen Wilson in your stomach swimming around easily. For something better. Yeah, I guess. Um so yeah, just got three more. So anacondas in the film repeatedly prey on humans with ease. In reality, documented cases of green anacondas attacking humans are extremely rare. No verified rec records of adult human consumption as of 1999. These snakes typically feed on large mammals such as tapirs, deer, capabaras, and caimans? Uh some research indicates large anacondas generally avoid human contact and retreat when disturbed. Makes sense.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean We're still bigger. We're we're like the biggest predator for everything.
SPEAKER_05Um so the film depicts anacondas attacking humans while ignoring each other. Female green anacondas consume smaller males after mating. Documented cases confirm the sexual cannibalism provides nutrients to the seven-month gestation period. Do you think it's like they have sex and the male's like, I'm gonna actually get out of here kind of early. Just like tries to wiggle away.
SPEAKER_01She's already like half eaten him from the tail.
SPEAKER_05Do you see the snit? Oh man, it's fucking nature, dude. Uh all right, last one. So Anaconda received six Razzie Awards, which is the opposite of the Oscar. It's the bad movie awards. They're it's kind of a shitty award thing, but um, and they usually make up categories. It's just a goof. Yeah, it's just a goof. Um, Anaconda received six Razzie Award nominations, including Worst Picture, Worst Actor for John Voigt, Worst Director for Luis Loza, Worst Screenplay, Worst Screen Couple, John Voigt and the Animatronic Anaconda, and Worst New Star, the Animatronic Anaconda. The film achieves commercial success despite negative critical reception, grossing 136 million worldwide against a $45 million budget. The production opened at a number at number one in the domestic domestic box office with 16.6 million in its first weekend and maintained the top spot in its second week. The film depicts and oh, yep, that's it.
SPEAKER_01I saw it in theaters awesome.
SPEAKER_05Oh man, I would have loved have seen it in the theaters. Do you think it's kind of frustrating for um the people who made the movies like, well, if I knew we're gonna make 136 million million, we would have given like 10 million dollars more to like better the budget a little bit.
SPEAKER_02Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_05Like, I mean, another like million or two, like the CGI probably would have looked better and things like that. It's just like, damn. If they knew they were gonna make this much money, this movie could have been so much better with like 10 million extra dollars. But then again, it might have not have been as remembering. Yeah. But it could also yeah, the situation where it's like, well, if it was any better, it actually might have just been a mediocre movie that no one remembered. Um yeah, so a lot of factoids.
SPEAKER_01I fact it up. Yeah, I would I would love to go to the Amazon just look at it.
SPEAKER_05I'd I I'd enjoy being on a boat.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, on a boat, that'd be cool.
SPEAKER_05And then river cruise around people that really know the land.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and with like our margarita.
SPEAKER_02Now we talking.
Plot Setup And The River Crew
SPEAKER_05Alright, so we're gonna hop into the plot of the movie, but first we want to ask you what the point of the movie is. At the end, we will say what we think. You can leave us uh what you think. Uh, there's a link in the description, and at the bottom there is our email. We recommend mailbag. We recommend mailbag at gmail.com. This is your first time listening. I do that a lot with our email. So, yeah, we're gonna hop into the plot. Anaconda 1997, baby. On the river, a poacher um played by Danny Trejo hides from an unknown creature in his boat while it breaks through the boat and attempts to catch the poacher. He commits suicide by shooting himself to prevent it from killing himself.
SPEAKER_01What a start, baby. Could have just used the gun on the snake. Yep.
SPEAKER_05You would think you would think that would be a better idea. Since we did realize we've seen this snake get shot with the biggest. Yeah, that's true. And I would rather die than being eaten alive or crushed to death. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Where to go, Danny? Yeah, where to go. The the gun did good have it did have good advice. Yeah. Coming back. It's coming back. It's all coming back. It's all coming back.
SPEAKER_05Meanwhile, film crew is shooting a documentary about the Shirishimas, a long-lost indigenous Amazonian tribe. I have the hiccups. Oh no, it's the worst. And the burps. The crew includes director Terry Flores, Jennifer Lopez, cameraman and childhood friend Danny Rich, Ice Cube, production manager Denise Cowberg, Carrie Werr. I don't know. Denise's boyfriend and sound engineer, Gary Dixon. Wow. I can't believe I'm on a boat with a snake. Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_01These rivers make you horny, baby.
SPEAKER_05Hey, Jennifer Lopez. After this movie, you want to marry me? Wow, we do that in 2022. Wow. Marry me.
SPEAKER_01Wow, that's a long time after this. Yeah, there I can't. A huge engagement.
SPEAKER_05It was a COVID movie, I think. I just remember I got a lot of content, and my wife heard a lot of content from me when that movie Marry Me came out. Yeah. Because it's like as soon as I saw the trailer, I just like, I think we're saw the trailers either on Amazon or at the theaters. And I was like, immediately when the movie is done, hey, J Lo marry me. Wow. I can't believe we're getting married, J Lo.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, just stopped watching uh Drill Bit Taylor for the fifth time that day.
SPEAKER_05Actually, never seen Drill Bit Taylor.
SPEAKER_01I haven't either.
SPEAKER_05Wow, they named me after a drill bit tailor. Wow. Well, I won't keep doing that because that's gonna get old fast.
SPEAKER_01Just get out of your system.
SPEAKER_05Narrator Warren Westridge, who's a posh as fuck anthrop uh posh as fuck like narrator, anthro, anthro uh, anthropologist, professor Stephen Kell, and boat skipper Mateo. Terry and Kel fuck on the side. Mateo wants to take them on a different route in the Amazon, and then they head off. Because it's kind of some like a little discussion while people are talking, and Mateo's like, yeah, we gotta go this way and stuff. We'll find out why we're gonna whisper the rest of the podcast, apparently. Sorry, we're doing two. We're doing two in a row, and I slightly go insane after a while when I'm doing the podcast. So trying to get my mind off 12 monkeys while doing this. Can't it's actually a little harder than I thought.
unknownSo
SPEAKER_05So at first they start filming. Gary asks his girlfriend, is it me or does the jungle make you really horny? Wow, I'm really horny. Is this the jungle? I can't remember.
SPEAKER_01Is it all two snakes? I don't know.
SPEAKER_05I'm just so horny. Wow. Where's J-Lo? I should marry her. So the group encounters uh stranded Paraguayan snake hunter Paul uh shit. What how do you say his name? Saron? I guess Paul Saron and his accent during um oh wait. The group encounters stranded Paraguainian snake hunter Paul Saron and his accent during a storm. Later Saron catches them a giant fish. We learned he used to be a priest but wanted to see the world, and now he catches snakes to sell them. I'm gonna call him Paul since I'm not sure if I'm saying his last name right.
SPEAKER_01The fish looked delicious.
SPEAKER_05It did, and I was like, damn, that was easy. Teach people on Survivor how to do this.
SPEAKER_02So he um have you oh the new Alone?
SPEAKER_01New season of Alone. Everybody's catching pikes.
SPEAKER_05Huge nice. I'm excited. The uh Bear Grills is doing his celebrity show again where he takes celebrity out. Oh it's gonna have Matthew McConaughey, Umathar. Oh man. I'm like so excited. It starts like next Tuesday. I can't wait to watch it. Um, so uh he convinces them he can help them find the Shirashimas. Warren is suspect of him. Um, and then they're like, they're kind of just a little com nobody trusts him yet, right? Because he just kind of comes off a little pompous, like he's a know it all, because he's lived there and it's just like, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01He's also pretty scary.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, but that's just because he looks like John Boyd.
SPEAKER_01He's got like a dead eye, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um, and then like there's like kind of like some confrontation going on, it's a little stressful, and then like um Denise like walks up, it's like, uh, who cares, guys? Would a salad go well with uh the fish you're preparing? Salad will go perfect, little baby bird. And it's like, you know what, don't trust him. I hate him. Um, Steven and Terry hook up on the bars, then for the first time we get to meet the cute little anaconda attacking a panther in a great practical scene. This is this is when the movie really works, though. Yeah, whenever it's like you just see the snake attacking the panther looks a little goofy at certain parts, but like I don't know. It's just like it was filmed very well, I thought. Yeah, love it. Love the snake, he's my best friend. We hang on the rig.
SPEAKER_01He's the biggest predator around.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Kind of thing. But I didn't see Bagura. I do hate that uh they killed the Panther.
SPEAKER_05Because the Panther is my favorite, one of my favorite animals.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they are so dope. Yeah, ever since Jungle Book, you know, the cart the cartoon version. He's my favorite.
SPEAKER_05He fucks.
SPEAKER_01He really does.
SPEAKER_05Webster's just trying to uh hit some golf balls but can't concentrate because of that damn rap music. Danny threatens him to not touch his uh radio anymore. Uh Paul takes the barge deep into the Amazon and enters anaconda territory. He says that the Siroshimas worship the Anacondas as gods and protectors. Most of the crew are uncomfortable around Paul, and Kel clashes with him several times about Sheroshima lore. Kel says that Paul is using folklore from other tribes and attributing it to the Sherishimas, thus indicating that Paul doesn't know anything about the Sherishimas.
SPEAKER_01He seems like he doesn't know a lot about a lot.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, but then he's like, he does take them to the Sheroshimas. If they listened to him, they would have immediately gotten there.
SPEAKER_00That is true.
SPEAKER_05They would have just had a caught a giant anacon in the process. So Gary and Denise go out to get some wild sound, as in have sex. Um, and then I love whenever they go off. This is you get one of the gray shots, one of the classic John Voice sitting in a hammock shots.
SPEAKER_01He's like, You don't know if he's awake or dead.
SPEAKER_05It's like, are you dead? Are you smiling? Are you horny? Like, I don't know what you're doing here. Um, Denise wants the bone down, but they are attacked by a wild boar, and Paul saves them. Hell yeah. It's like you're in the Amazon.
SPEAKER_01You're gonna take off our clothes to have sex, or do or get off the boat ever.
SPEAKER_05No, no, bugs, spiders, mosquitoes. Yeah, that's the most unbelievable part of this entire movie is the fact that none of them are wearing long sleeve shirts. Maybe they put on bugs. Pants. Or it does not matter. I use buck spray here.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I feel like you're definitely gonna get malaria in Tennessee.
SPEAKER_05And you know what? They don't care to come after me.
SPEAKER_01No matter how much DE is man, we only probably got like a week or two into the mosquitoes out, and it's like really upsetting. Oh, I found an old there's an old uh recycling can shaped like a trash can.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It was full of water in our backyard, and there's just so a cloud of mosquitoes around. Kick that shit over.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you can get um you actually could have left it out and uh thrown like these little they look like little donut things. You throw it in the water, like where they breed. What? Um yeah, and then like as they like land to make babies, like all their babies die instead of like actually breeding. It's just like if you can find a source of water that they're coming from, it's a good thing to use. I had no idea. It's kind of like a trap. Um that's amazing. But if you have dogs, then they'll drink the water and kill themselves. Yeah. Um, yeah, I wouldn't do it if you got a cat. It's outside cat. Outside, inside, cat. Unless you can put it where a cat won't get. But crazy thing about cats, they get everywhere. They love to get. What they do is get. All right. So next day, their boat has the anchor rope stuck in the propeller. Kel brings up the penis parasite, uh, then volunteers to cut the rope out of the propeller, even though Paul says that he would do it, but he's like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I I'm the captain here. Um, while down, Terry is putting up her hair and Sarona is making a funny face at her.
SPEAKER_01Could they have been like, yeah, could they have just been like, no, I guess we'll just die out here. Yeah. I'm not going in that water.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. I'd have been like, yeah, get this fuck out there.
SPEAKER_01Get the British guy?
SPEAKER_05No, no, no. Get Sarone out there.
Tracheotomy Scene And Rising Suspicion
SPEAKER_05If he if he dies, it's like, ah, no skin off my butt. Yeah. Um and so then eventually Kel is stung by a wasp and an allergic reaction swells up his throat and leaves him unconscious. Sorome performs an emergency emergency tracheotomy. Tracheotomy. Is that what it is? Yeah. Okay, cool. That's what I put in my notes, but I was like, I don't know if I know how to say that word. Uh I bad at reading. Um, seemingly saving Kale's life, Sarone says they will need to take a shortcut to get to the hospital quicker, the same one he suggested earlier. He says it will save them 50 miles. They agree, but they don't trust him. At this point, they should, though. I mean, he's giving them, he's he's giving them fish. He saved two people's lives from a wild boar. Um, he just performed tracheotic. Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_00On field tracheotic.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, just uh saved another man's life. With a pen. It does get to the point where it's like, what else do you actually got want this guy to do?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he may be actually be worth the money you paid for.
SPEAKER_05Like he saved all of your and this is something I did not think about until this time watching. So after like my hundredth watch of anaconda, this is when I'm like, you know, if y'all just kind of like went along with this guy a little quicker, y'all would actually probably get out of the hospital with no problems. Right, everybody would have been fine at this point, but later it's like, oh no, surrounds it fucking sucks.
SPEAKER_01Do you ever feel the need to carry like every time you get one of those pins, that that type of pen where you can unscrew it and it's just like a tube?
SPEAKER_05It's some movies fucking love using this method, it's wild.
SPEAKER_01I think about that every time I see one of those pins.
SPEAKER_05It's also the same thing with like using whiskey as uh oh yeah, like something to clean it. And like I'm pretty sure like that is not safe to do. I mean, it's better than nothing, I guess. Yeah, but like there's a lot of stuff in whiskey other than just alcohol that you know, but I don't know. Uh if you do know, leave us some fan mail. If you have medical knowledge at all, let us know pertaining to whiskey. If it would just be better not to use whiskey to try to sanitize something, or if it's just better to use whiskey to sanitize something. So, um also pulling the swap out of the face. That's fucking sick. And and like the whole procedure, I love to see it on screen. It is great. The horrible noise it makes when you press the knife. And then like how you can immediately tell that it's fake neck immediately. It's great. I love that shit. Um, so yeah. Uh they run into a giant wooden barrier, keeping them out, probably because of a giant snake.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's got a mixed sign and everything.
SPEAKER_05But, you know, I mean, it's where I'm trying to tell them that uh they worship snakes as protectors.
SPEAKER_01So I don't know. I like the scene of the dynamite. Yeah, that's what's up right now. But you'll hurt the river. He's like, okay. It's like backtrack through.
SPEAKER_05They're like, you're gonna mess with like the ecosystem here. I'm like, they can go around the the wooden barrier, like all any animal here can just go around it. It's only blocking like a river. Like, I don't really understand how like what you'll be messing up. I'm sure what's ever in the river there is on the river the other side. It's not like it's uh sealed shut by concrete. I mean things are swimming through there. I was just like, I don't understand your defense here. I mean it's shitty to destroy like you know, a piece of history like this. That's what's shitty, but um gets the job done.
SPEAKER_01Uh but I just like that he has dynamite. Yeah, he's just like, oh, I got dynamite, and they're like, This is just like my fun dynamite that I have.
SPEAKER_05He's like, why did you have like a whole bag of it? You only needed like one, and they use way too much. Oh, yeah. Just use like two sticks or something. Uh it's it was made a long time ago.
SPEAKER_01And if you run across some tree or something that's blocking the boat, I gotta get it out.
SPEAKER_05That's true. I didn't actually think that. That's a good point.
SPEAKER_01And you can go fishing with it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's true. Guys, don't use dynamite, especially. Just like gonna freak out some tribesmen, like, what the hell? Um, so yeah, he wants to use dynamite to blow up the wall. Him and Gary are going to blow it up. Gary gets some charges and looks like he may be getting attacked by something. Uh, but then Cerone lifts him up, saving him. He's like, something almost got me. He's like, it's like, whoa, I think something was about to get me. He's like, yeah, there was. Yeah, probably. Once again, I saved another one of y'all's lives. Uh they blow the wooden barrier. The explosion is so massive that debris hits their fuel, only leaving one barrel, and then a bunch of snakes fall on their boat.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome.
SPEAKER_05But I love it. Come on, baby, back to your mama.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's just a bunch of babies.
SPEAKER_05It's a bunch of babies.
SPEAKER_01Uh the dude's like got one on his finger and he's freaking out.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. And it's wild that they they all are like, all right, let's just blow it up so we can get him to the hospital. And then after he blows it up, you're like, Are you some sort of crazy fucking guy? It's like, you guys all knew what I was doing here. Just because the size of the explosion was bigger than you thought doesn't make me an insane person.
SPEAKER_02Maybe for the same thing.
SPEAKER_05I was insane for wanting to just blow it up. Especially since the guy doesn't seemly need to go to the hospital at all, because by the end of this movie, he doesn't get to the hospital and he's just like a full recovery. Completely fine. So they could have taken ever how long they wanted to going around. Um, but yeah, I just love oh god, his accent, dude. Whatever he calls sensitive. Whenever he calls like calls something baby or go back to mama, it just so gross. So while going down the river, Saron sees an abandoned poacher's boat. He tells them they may have fuel on their boat. Sarone, Mateo, and Danny go go to it. Danny's like, I'm gonna film this shit. We ain't got no documentary.
SPEAKER_01I heard Danitreo was out here. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05A photograph and an old newspaper reveals that Mateo, Saron, and the poacher were working together to hunt animals, including snakes.
unknownThey're
Barrier Explosion And First Big Death
unknownall on, they're all in on it. They're all in on it.
SPEAKER_05That's sad. Mateo falls into the water though, he's like, oops, and is first to be killed by the anaconda near the wreckage of the poacher's boat. Looks great until the CGI. Oh, it just wraps around them real fast. And it's like, I didn't know snakes knew how to break necks like that.
SPEAKER_01They're really good at it.
SPEAKER_05I mean, the other you why did they add the breaking of the neck? Like it was fucking John Wicked to anaconda. No, it's Steven Segal. He's the best of the animal kingdom. Especially it being the 90s, that makes way more sense. But it's wild, it's just like this. What is this an Anaconda been just watching action movies?
SPEAKER_00Yes.
SPEAKER_05That's the whole thing. It's like, is that a thing? Does anaconda do anacondas know how to break necks like that? Because they specifically bit his head to twist it. It's so crazy. And then he's Eden, which rolls.
SPEAKER_01Is that when they show his face and stuff of its belly as it's swimming off?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, is that him or is that Gary?
SPEAKER_01I can't remember.
SPEAKER_05I think that's uh Gary later. We'll see. We'll find out very soon. So they want to go find go go out to find Mateo Sroan then unrolls a giant anaconda skin anaconda skin and says he's a goner. We're not that impressed. I accidentally put accidentally put gooner.
SPEAKER_03He's a gooner.
SPEAKER_05Mateo's a gooner, dude. That boy sees some anaconda skin, he starts gooning. He then tells him something as big as a snake uh would cost a lot of money, like a million dollars essentially. Terry wants to wait till morning for Mateo. Westridge says they should go because he's freaking the fuck out. They're gonna shine light so Mateo can uh will know how to get back to the boat. Serence is like, he's dead. Yeah, come on, guys.
SPEAKER_02He's gone.
SPEAKER_05If he's not where you where do you think he went? The boat was like 20 yards away. Where else would he have gone, guys?
SPEAKER_01He's doing the Monty Python, like I'm feeling better on the water.
SPEAKER_00I want to go for a walk.
SPEAKER_05That would have crushed. That's what the new anaconda should have been.
SPEAKER_00I'm not dead yet.
SPEAKER_05Like, how how did they make another anaconda movie and it's worse than this anaconda movie?
SPEAKER_00I don't know.
SPEAKER_05It's wild with all the talent they had.
SPEAKER_00What do you call it? Uh lipstick on a pig or something on a turd or something. I can't remember.
SPEAKER_05Sugar? No, it's not sugar.
SPEAKER_01A gold-plated turd.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. People are like, come on, let's get back on track here. Stop talking about poops. Um, so yeah. Um that night Gary approaches Saron about helping him catch the Anaconda. Catch it alive. It could be a million dollars, Gary. It's like he sounds like Tommy Wiseau from the room in this scene. I don't know if you've ever seen The Room. I haven't seen The Room. Well, we're gonna do it one day, don't worry.
SPEAKER_01Is it like an escape room on steroids?
SPEAKER_05No, it's just one of the best, worst movies ever made. Oh. Yes. It's so good. Oh my god, we gotta do we just need to do like a bad movie episode. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_03Kind of like this.
SPEAKER_05So someone Cerone kills a monkey to use his anaconda bait. Uh he just does it on the side of the boat. Everybody's like, what the fuck are you doing?
SPEAKER_01Just snatching up creatures.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and like Terry's like, uh, how about we don't lure an anaconda here? Uh but Gary supports Saron by saying that they should film him catching the snake. Kind of right. That'd be fun. You've got no documentary. Yeah. Let's try to catch an Anaconda.
SPEAKER_01I imagine if they had YouTube back then.
SPEAKER_05It's like, wow, guys, come on. We've got no documentary. We can get so many clicks. Yeah. It'd be great, you know?
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_05Saron promises that if the crew helps him find the snake, he will help them get out alive. Danny wants to stop them both, but Sarone has the guns and now he controls the boat. Nice. Was he ever not in charge of that boat?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they were working together.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Um, so that night Sarone is fishing for the anaconda and hooks it, but it gets loose. Oh no. It is rad when he hooks it though, and it comes out of the water like snakes, don't make those noises. It's screaming. Where who had this idea? Oh man. Just go like or something. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Maybe he's like squeezing the air out of whatever's inside of him and making it scream.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, maybe it's like all the people in his stomach
Gary Gets Crushed And Betrayal
SPEAKER_05screaming. It's kind of like uh nope. Yeah. Yeah. Oh man, should we do nopes? Yes. Yep. I'm excited. So um it attacks the boat crew. Saron attempts to capture the snake by hitting with a tranquilizer gun, but it doesn't work, and it cools around here. Is that where he hits it in the mouth? Well, like hits it, and then like it gets he like knocks it out of him, and I'm like, don't those like those are pretty fast acting. Yeah, they inject like immediately. Yeah. And they do that again with Saron, and then it's like, do we know how tranquilizer skin? Yeah. They do have tough skin. Maybe I don't know. I've never touched an anaconda. Or uh Yeah, I have. Was it a no with an anaconda?
SPEAKER_01A bell constrictor, probably.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's probably what it was. Um, so yeah, um, and it coils around Gary after he jumped in the water trying to save Denise, crushing him. Bye. Squeeze. Wow, I'm going to Snake Heaven. Holy crap, this is the best hug I've ever had. Mr. Anaconda.
SPEAKER_01His nose is the last thing that goes into the water. Yeah. So are you still talking through it? That's what's going down.
SPEAKER_03This is crazy.
SPEAKER_05I wish Ben Steeler was here. Um, Terry attempts to shoot the anaconda to save him, but Sharone knocks her gun away and the snake devours Gary.
SPEAKER_01Later we see the takes the gun.
SPEAKER_05This is where we see the imprint of uh someone inside the snake. Uh later we see the snake swimming underwater with the imprint of Gary's body in its stuff.
SPEAKER_01I didn't see his face. It's so funny.
SPEAKER_05I mean, I guess that's that's probably what it would look like, though. I mean, a giant human and a cylindrical snake. No, I don't know. So Terry goes to seduce the room so they can overpower him and tie him up so he can't escape. Um, and which they do successfully.
SPEAKER_01He's gross.
SPEAKER_05I know this is politics. I'm tricked, but I'm going to get to kiss. Yes. And then, like, he sees the reflection of Danny, he's like, not so fast. But then they still end up getting the upper hand and tying him up.
SPEAKER_01But captains always get kissed.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. That's true. Everybody has to kiss the boat captain like going on the boat.
SPEAKER_01Well they're on my boat.
SPEAKER_05That's the rule. That's why it takes so long for cruise ships to get loaded up. Every single one of them's got to kiss them on the mouth. Oh god. That's amazing. That's why they all have herpes. Oh, great. So the next day, the boat becomes stuck at a
Waterfall Disaster And Bodies Drop
SPEAKER_05waterfall because for some reason they decided to let Danny, who has never driven a boat, drive the boat. When they show me it's like restrids, it's like this goes, right? This goes this way, this is this, this does this, this does this. We'll be fine. And then they kind of make like a little bit of jokes because like they didn't like each other at the beginning. Now they're like talking about they can't wait to get back home. And it's kind of like a fun, sweet moment. And then like they immediately crash as soon as he gets behind the boat and it's like, Why'd you let him drive? It makes no sense. Westers just drive till you're out of there, dude. I'm sorry. The situation you're in does not need someone to be driving like this. It's never done it.
SPEAKER_01It's like anytime my kids drive a boat and we're on the lake. I always think I fear that they're gonna jerk the wheel and we're send us all toppling out. Oh god, that'd be terrifying. Do y'all have a boat? No, but it like but anytime that we're on one, someone in the they let the driver. They let the kids drive, yeah.
SPEAKER_05I've never driven one. I had my license in junior high. They had like uh they made us do like random, like they allowed us to take courses. It's just kind of like a random free period that we'd have like once a week. Boat driving was one. We're able to get our boat license, hunting license, and some other license. It's just like random courses. It's like, here are things that you're gonna need to know if you want to do these things. Get your jaw license. It was honestly, it was very rad. And if uh I didn't live in a four poor family uh and we had a boat, it would have been a great thing.
SPEAKER_01That's awesome. I I went to a gun like training class with my mom once. Yeah. And that was a lot of fun.
SPEAKER_04That would be fun.
SPEAKER_01It was me and my brother and my mom. It was like a f you can get them for free at some point. Oh, that's awesome. It was cool. I didn't know where that is.
SPEAKER_05I didn't like fire gun for the first time until like three or four years ago. It did you get a boner? No, uh honestly, the first time I shot it, I immediately was nervous to keep shooting it. I was like, whoa! Guns uh they're loud. Guns kicked out.
SPEAKER_01It's like have you ever shot a 45? No. Those are so freaking loud, it's scary. No, it was um I guess it was a clock that we shot.
SPEAKER_05I'm not sure the bullet size, but um like I was just like, whoa, that was a little bit more than I thought. Movies make it look a lot easier. Then I got like a smaller gun and I was like, oh, okay. That looks more like on TV. Um, but yeah, like I just immediately was like, whoa, grasp the situation of being in a room full of people shooting guns. I was like, I have to make sure I only point it towards that direction and make sure it put safety in the streets. Get up. So um yeah, now Terry, Danny, and Westridge have to enter the water to winch it loose. Denise confronts Saron and attempts to kill him to avenge Gary's death. But he strangles her with his legs before dumping her corpse into the river. Yeah, yeah. And this is where it's like you should never look the thing you're about to kill him. But he likes it. Yeah, he loves it. He immediately does it. Yeah, he's crazy. He's got a black t-shirt on. It's great. Um yeah, Denise, just don't go near him, dude. Why are you just gonna kill him like that?
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_05It was Gary's choice to be on his side. Should be just as mad at Gary.
SPEAKER_01For sure.
SPEAKER_05So the anaconda returns, and Westridge distracts it long enough for Terry and Danny to return to the boat while Westridge ascends the waterfall. Shrome breaks free during the attack and attacks Danny. The anaconda climbs up a tree to and attacks Westridge, but the tree snaps. The crew winds up in the river. Kale wakes up in the process, and Westridge is killed by the Anaconda. I kind of liked Westridge. He was like my favorite part of the movie. It was pretty cool. He was an asshole at first, and I was like, I love this British ass guy.
SPEAKER_01He was such a pansy. I loved it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it's great. It's like that there's a point where Saron's like, hey, take my bags up top. He's like, I will not, and like smacks him. He's like, yes, sir. The snake attacks Danny, but Terry shoots it in the head. Saron, still believing he can capture the snake alive, attacks her. Kel stabs him with a tranquilizer dart before losing consciousness again himself. And Danny knocks Saron into the river, and then he's like, and then we just see the tranquilizer dart pop up, and there's obvious AD um ADR lines just being like, oh man, the syringe fell out. That's where it's ADR is like filming sound dialogue after the film's been made. So it's just like they're just in a booth filming it. Something you will notice a lot on game shows. Nice. I don't know if you notice, because they'll there's happens on the floor, um, one percent club, quiz with balls, all these new shows and everything, the wall, where they'll you can hear their sound when they're like on stage, just normally talking to the mic, and then you it'll like cut away from them, and there'll be like an added piece of dialogue that's obviously recorded in their closet. I like that. Sounds nothing like their production sound. Nice. Um if anybody gives a fuck about that. Oh, that's cool. That's me talking about it. So yeah. Um yeah, I just love the like, oh man, the tranquilizer fail. And I'm like, yeah, but some of it had to get in him. Yeah, he's gonna be knocked out for a little while, and he's underwater, he's dead. So the group finds an abandoned village or like building that they go and search
The Trap Ends In Fire
SPEAKER_05for some fuel. We see a great point of view shot of a different snake lurking because it's just like it kind of like it's almost like a little upside down and then like twists, and I'm like, good shot. Um, so somehow Sarone lived. He manages to catch up to him as well.
SPEAKER_01It's like maybe he was just riding under the boat like a Ponti.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, I mean, maybe, yeah, they should have showed a shot of that. I'm like, how did he catch up to this boat and get out of the water? He's just like paddled for his life, like half asleep, get back here, backstroking so he doesn't drown. So somehow Sarone manages to catch up to the group and captures Terry and Danny, and he's gonna use them as a bait in an attempt to capture a second and much larger anaconda. Now I'm saying anaconda, now I hear what you're talking about. So the snake attacks the pair, slowly suffocating them, and it's bad. Uh Sarone attempts to catch the anaconda in a net, but it breaks free and attacks him, eventually swallowing him whole.
SPEAKER_01Did he already spit out the monkey? Like you launched the monkey out of his mouth.
SPEAKER_05I didn't have that one. I should have had that one.
SPEAKER_01That's great. That was like a little earlier, yeah. You use your vomit as a projectile.
SPEAKER_05That's what it is. Like that's incredible. I need to load up some ammo. I wouldn't be surprised if he made a ch sound. I mean, he can scream. He can make fake gun noises too. So Terry and Danny escape their bonds. Terry retreats to a building and finds a nest full of newborn anacondas. The snake regurgitates Ron's corpse and chases her up a smokestack. Danny pins his tail to the ground with a pickaxe and knights a fire fire below the smoke shack, setting the snake on fire. And it's such a good idea. Um, the resulting explosion sends the burning anaconda flying out of the building and into the water, burning alive. Totally dead. Is fucking sick. Just seeing it's just like, oh yeah, I don't know. I'm just like, some things are just metal, no matter how cute its eyes are. Um and as Terry and Danny recuperate on a nearby deck, the Anaconda resurfaces, but Danny kills it with an axe to the head. And my axe. Another snake comes in. And my bow.
SPEAKER_03And with my wings.
SPEAKER_05I love that snake. It was a baby. It was his baby. You know, there's like outside of this, there's like two or three more like direct to TV Anaconda movies.
SPEAKER_01I had heard this. I've never seen them. Me neither in Nicaragua.
SPEAKER_05I mean, they're probably not as bad.
SPEAKER_01They're not that much worse than this one.
SPEAKER_05I can just see them. They're probably like extremely shitty CGI, even worse actors. Like it's gotta be.
SPEAKER_01If that's even possible.
SPEAKER_05Afterwards, Terry and Danny reunite with Kel, who's just like, I don't know, fucking fine as hell. I don't know. He's just like, no problems. Like, I didn't get stung by a deadly wasp in my throat. Yeah, I'm good now.
SPEAKER_01Oh, and I rub some they did rub some dirt on it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05I'll also forgot to say Saron's the one that put the wasp in the in his like little suit. Oh yeah. And that's that's how it got in his throat. It went up through his tube thing or whatever. Straight her. Um, but uh yeah, and while floating downriver, the trio suddenly locate the Shira Shima tribe who helped them escape the Amazon. Nice. Why not help them, but they looked at him. They looked at him, probably like, go that way.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Um but I love that they're like, all right, get your camera out and record. It's like, so you got a five-minute documentary? Yeah. Is that about all you got right now?
SPEAKER_01I missed all the good stuff.
SPEAKER_05It's like, y'all don't have any intro or anything to this because everybody's dead. And like, I feel like you haven't it's gonna be it'd be a hell of a documentary.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_05If they filmed a lot of it.
SPEAKER_01They're all just getting picked off one by one.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and then it's just like, and also, we found them. We found this tribe we were looking at.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we did it, y'all.
SPEAKER_05This would have been a great they should have just turned this into a film footage movie. That's what the next would be pretty cool. Instead of doing like a half-assed comedy anaconda anaconda, they should have just done anaconda, but it's filmed as a documentary. That would have been hella good. Man, I have way better ideas. Jungle Snake Hollywood. And you can put Jack Black, he could play the snake. I don't know. Since apparently they talk.
SPEAKER_01Okay, Chris Pratt in there.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's a me.
SPEAKER_00No, anaconda. Perfect. That's great.
SPEAKER_05He's an Italian plumber snake. It's easy for me to clean drains. I just go down them. Gross. Well, he's a snake. He's fine with it. So we're gonna hit up our first category,
So What Is The Point
SPEAKER_05the point. It's where we discuss what's the point of this movie. Uh, don't trust John Voint in the wild. Yeah, that's a good one. Just have some fun.
SPEAKER_01I think it's just like the movie we just did. It's all about consumerism. Snake is the big corporation.
SPEAKER_05Exactly.
SPEAKER_01And just like we've heard in the news lately, like that guy that set his factory on fire or the warehouse.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And the snake doesn't pay you enough to live. Set it on fire.
SPEAKER_05And John voids Jeff Bezos.
SPEAKER_01Perfect analogy.
SPEAKER_05Um I think it's just like it's a movie about how, you know, leave nature alone.
SPEAKER_02Or just, you know.
SPEAKER_01If there's a big ancient snake that people worship, maybe just try to get uh pictures from far away.
SPEAKER_05Or maybe it's just like don't pick up hitchhikers.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, that's a good one.
SPEAKER_05That's probably mainly what it is.
SPEAKER_01I've done that like a few times.
SPEAKER_05No matter how trapped they are in a bowl. That's very scary. Uh well, yeah, I guess we picked up um a homeless guy when I went to a WrestleMania and Atlanta, and we just like gave him a ride. You're like, where's your house? He's like, wherever. No, he's like, where do you want to go? Oh, just take me to. He just wanted to go to like a place that like homeless can stay. I don't remember what they call it.
SPEAKER_01The shelter.
SPEAKER_05He actually was like a cool guy, but you know, me being young and just being like, I have no idea where it's like. Right, yeah, you're totally safe. And then there's one time it was like late at night, it was like 11, and I was on my way home from working, and like there's people's car broke down in the middle of the road. Now I think that could have been a scam and they could have just killed me. But instead I just took him and they got got him gas and took them back, and it was all right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah, you should feel better.
SPEAKER_05Those are the main two times, and uh Yeah, I wasn't really too scared that much.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I picked up this one dude in Texas, and his whole family was in the truck that was broken down, his wife and like two, maybe three kids. And I was like, hey, I got room, they could probably fit in my little Honda.
SPEAKER_04Let them melt.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's like, nah, that'll be okay. That'd be all right. And then I I continued to proceeded to drive him two hours away to his house. So I was felt so bad.
SPEAKER_05Are you fucking kidding me? What was his plan when he got to the house? Get another car and go back?
SPEAKER_00Go back, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Call a tow truck. I don't know, man. That is insane. Yeah. Man, you know the best stories.
SPEAKER_01He bought my gas. Oh, hell yeah.
SPEAKER_05Well, yeah. So, like, was it out of your way or was it? No, it was on the way. Oh, okay. Wow. Was he cool? Was he chill?
SPEAKER_01He didn't really say anything.
SPEAKER_05I wouldn't either. I'd just be like, I don't want to talk. Can we just listen to radio? Can I get podcasts?
SPEAKER_02It was chill.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, cool. So we're gonna hit up our next category the good, the bad,
Good Bad Ugly Fine Categories
SPEAKER_05the ugly, the fine. It's where we discuss the good of a film, something that we liked, the bad, something we didn't like, the ugly, something that didn't age well. The fine, something that did age well. Um, the good for me, practical effects, baby. Yeah, they had some. When it's a real snake, it's even though it looks a little derpy sometimes, I still love it. It's better than any realistic CGI.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's why I love that ride at Universal so much. The dinosaur, the derpy dinosaur.
SPEAKER_05It's so good. I love when they mess up. Like, because there's one that comes out of the water a little bit. But like when it was coming out of the water, it's just kind of like going a little bit out of the water and then back and then back under the water, like it was drowning, and I was like, this has got to be horrifying for people. Like it was it would go up in the water. I was like, go under, but I do love that ride though.
SPEAKER_00The T-Rex at the end.
SPEAKER_05It's it's so it's because I think we wrote it two to three times, and it was just a crapshoot on what was gonna work and not work. But that was also how the uh they have the King Kong ride, and yeah, I wrote that one. That one messed up a lot. Oh, really? Just when we're on it, it stopped three times. It was like, uh the screens? Yeah, and I was like playing. It's like we went in this ride because it was raining. There was only one working. Yeah. Um, it w it was pretty cool for a little bit, and then it was just like, all right, it keeps messing up and stopping.
SPEAKER_01It was pretty rad when he breaks that dinosaur's neck. Yeah. Oh, sick. It was awesome.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. It was one of the few good screen rides. Yeah. I actually really like the Jimmy Fallon ride too. I didn't go on that one. It was like it was the first one we did because it had no line, and we just got there and it's like, hey, let's go do this one. I hear it's kind of fun. It's kind of like a great first ride to see like the magic of like that type of roller coaster.
SPEAKER_01Like Mr. DNA.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, very similar, actually. Very similar. But yeah, because it's all just screen stuff, so it's like the screen and your 3D glasses and making it look like you're doing stuff, but it's really just you're just sitting down and the seats are vibrating and moving a lot. Cool. But it it worked. Nice, and it was very fun. I was like, ah, I only think of roller coasters, I don't think of this shit. Cause that was the first time I ever did one of those type of rides.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, those are those can be really fun.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Um, did you do a good? Do you have a good? Was it just practical effects?
SPEAKER_01Oh, uh yeah, man. I think the practical effects are what really sells it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And it's always nice to have Owen Wilson in a movie so I can do the accent. Fun, it's a fun creature to be afraid of. Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_05Nobody likes snakes that much.
SPEAKER_01Any kid, you can tell them there's an anaconda in the fucking lake or river, and they will be terrified.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, get out. Are you scared of snakes? Uh somewhat. Like if someone was to hand me a snake, I'd be like, well, obviously, this is uh probably a snake that is used to being hilled, so I'll hold it.
SPEAKER_01But well, I think if since I know there's only two types of poisonous ones in the US that are natural, like that really poisonous, maybe three, right?
SPEAKER_05There's there's plenty.
SPEAKER_01There's the copperhead, and then there's the rattlesnake, and then there's like there's one that looks like a guardian. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Uh but in the in uh But like if it's not one of those like five, you're good.
SPEAKER_05What's the one that's like uh black uh kingsnake? No, they're like really fast. I thought those were black racer, maybe? Maybe that's what I'm thinking of.
SPEAKER_02I don't know.
SPEAKER_05I don't know. Um but yeah, rattlesnake rattlesnake and stuff from snake dog.
SPEAKER_02Um snake jazz.
SPEAKER_05I'm honestly I I like I don't have a fear of it seems like I don't have a fear of most creatures till they move. Oh yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Snakes love being a real snake.
SPEAKER_05I'm not scared of a spider until it just decides it has an idea and runs away.
SPEAKER_01And it's like it left the oven on.
SPEAKER_05It's like what what were you what were you just you're just chilling and now you're like you just ran away as fast as you can. It's like, what's your intentions here?
SPEAKER_01My daughter had a spider trapped under a glass jar in our bathroom for days without telling anybody about it because she was afraid of it. And then I go to pick up the jar and it just jumps and like it leaps and goes flying through the room.
SPEAKER_05I'm out of here. Freedom.
SPEAKER_01You need to let me know keeping a captured spider in here.
SPEAKER_05Taking care of this a long time ago. Yeah, but it's like the same with um, like I obviously have like a fear of frogs for some fucking reason. We know and like those those are like one of the few animals that I'm like, all right, I'm gonna walk around this um bitch. No, because as soon as it jumps, I'm gonna be like, ah. But and I guess that's kind of similar with snakes, where if I just see one laying in the grass or something, I'm like, whatever, just as long as it doesn't come near me. But then if it starts like Yeah, it just takes off because they go real fast, some like the smaller ones, and it's like, ah, where are you going? It's like when you're mowing the yard, then all of a sudden you see one, it's like Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_01I saw a giant block one under your house, go on go under your house. When like last year, he's probably still there.
SPEAKER_05I know when I was putting up my surround sounds, uh went up into the attic and uh I was just kind of scoping out like how the previous owners had it set up, and I just like as I'm going to where the cords are, just like that's a giant ass fucking snake skin. Yeah, so I was like, I'm out of here. But the black one that you probably saw, they're just rats. Those are harmless. Those are rat snakes, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So you really want those around.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, just as long as they don't buy me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, or like start multiplying like crazy. Or yeah, uh like coming up through your toilet pipes, or like coming out through your walls, like the one in the attic's probably gonna do.
SPEAKER_05No, it's not up there. Because like a month later, I went back up there to set up the surround sounds and there was none, there was none up there. And then I've also had like electricians up there. They're like, you know, you got a snake skin up here, and I was like, Yeah, he's our pet. I was like, no, there's none up there.
SPEAKER_01Man, what if we I could be an electrician, you be the animal control guy, we could have a business where I put the snakes into the house, you come take them out.
SPEAKER_05It's the best possible plan. Oh my god. Yeah, we should come up with a scheme. I was watching a documentary about the uh I can't remember, it's the G Lo Beach Murders, Long Island murder, serial killer. And they was they're kind of it was like a serial killer that killed prostitutes, essentially.
SPEAKER_01Dumped them out in the marsh or whatever back there.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Um, they just recently he just recently played guilty because they took them like over a decade to find him. Oh it happened in 2011. So um it was a great documentary. But they were talking about how this one prostitute she would call, like the guys would come to her house, but her roommate would act as like her husband to then come in and run them out, but they'd keep the money. Nice. I was like, man, people got really good schemes. Like, that's a really good, like, because you don't have to do the work. Yeah. Um, and then she did it with the serial killer, and then the serial killer's like, well, that sucked. Do you want to meet up again? And then she went and met up in his car, and then I was like, You already got his money, why'd you get back with him? It's like you can't do that twice, right? Fool me once, yeah. You sillies. Um, all right, anyways, the bad. Um, I put most character decisions in the movie were bad. Yeah. Just pretty much all around. They all it was just all, you know, it was the stuff that had to happen because of plot.
SPEAKER_01Let's go out in the jungle and make it.
SPEAKER_05It's like a lot of the decisions that most people made did not make sense, but the movie told it told us it had to be this way.
SPEAKER_01It had to be so.
SPEAKER_05Everybody had to mess up a lot.
SPEAKER_01Stories have to be told.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. You got anything else for the bad or the CTI was pretty sort of. I figured you were gonna say that, so I'll let you have that one. Um, for the ugly, I put John Void's accent. It's not a good accent.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's supposed to be Paraguayan, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. He does succeed at being the creepiest guy on the boat. Yeah, like creepier than the snake.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you see that guy somewhere, you walk around. It's like how I walk around frogs, it's how you walk around.
SPEAKER_01He will jump in your mouth. You gotta watch out for John. Jesus Christ.
SPEAKER_05Watch our labyrinth episode if you want to hear my story about a frog jumping in my mouth. Um, for the fine for me, I put John Voigt's accent. It's the best part of the movie. It's hilarious. It makes the movies so much better.
SPEAKER_01I really like um movies about the Amazon. You know, it's one of those frontiers that it's like still pretty mysterious. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05Uh movies where like you have to travel through the jungle are usually pretty great. Yeah. Romancing the stones, another one that's really good.
SPEAKER_01Riverboat murders, yeah, mysteries and stuff.
SPEAKER_05It's so good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Anything could be in that fucking water.
SPEAKER_05It's just because like there's danger everywhere. It's like a dangerous place to be.
SPEAKER_01It's crazy. It's like, how can being on top of the water be the safest place?
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Then if you fall in the water, it's the most dangerous place. Um also uh yeah, this in the fine up with um the reason it's maybe something about this movie is it's uh shows great examples of why practical effects will always be better than CGI. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01I feel like they should have blown him up with dynamite.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Just threw a bunch in his mouth. And then like an ending goes, go, go.
SPEAKER_05But then it like ends up just now, it becomes a dragon, just breathes fire now at this point. It's like oh shit.
SPEAKER_01No, it's had them explode into a billion dollars.
SPEAKER_05It drinks a bunch of gasoline.
SPEAKER_01Or no, it just could turns into a bunch of smaller snakes.
SPEAKER_05Yeah. Like the one before. Ooh. It's like the head of a hydra. Cut one head off, it just turns into two snakes.
SPEAKER_01It's got a big trench coat on and just a bunch of little snakes inside.
SPEAKER_05Hey, I promise we're in hand. I don't know why I did a cat hissing sound instead of a snake hiss. I don't know. Nice, nice. Um, we're gonna do our next category and our final category. It's
Double Features And Next Week Tease
SPEAKER_05double features. We recommend a movie that goes alongside this movie. Mine is a movie you already said. I picked Lake Placid. Hell yeah, man. That's a great bad movie as well. And it's it's got a got a great cast, though. I think, yeah, Bridget Fonda, Bill Pullman, Oliver Platt, Betty White, Brendan Gleason. Are you fucking kidding me? That's why somebody, I'm assuming the success of Anaconda is what led these actors to want to be in this movie. Like I said.
SPEAKER_01That sounds awesome. Um, I think I would choose, even though I haven't seen the series, the piranha series, I haven't seen any of them. Oh, brother, no, sir.
SPEAKER_05Well, all right. So the the the first the first remake was pretty good. Um, but like the original, woof. I mean, I guess the first one's alright. The second one was actually uh directed by James Cameron. It was his first ever movie. He hated it, and the movie's bad. Prana can fly now. They can fly now, they can fly now. Hell yeah. Um, it's like tremors. I will say the there is the remake. It's got like Jerry O'Connell, Paul Scheer in it, and I even think uh Doc Brown's in it. Hell yeah. I think as like a scientist. Um, it's actually pretty funny. Watched it a couple times, so I can't say it's bad. I've not watched any of the other ones after that.
SPEAKER_01Well, thanks for the advice. I'll just do that.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, instead. Don't watch the old ones. Maybe watch the first one if you're they're all short, so it's nice. Nice. I think the second one's so bad they're just like, let's make it an hour and 17 minutes. Minutes. Let's get everybody out of here. It feels like two hours and 17 minutes. It's wild. Yeah. So yeah, watch uh watch uh that pure piranha movie. It's pretty fun. Um, there's a lot of stupid decisions, and it's great. Because it's all about like Jerry O'Connell wants to film a porno and his boat. Oh, right. Yeah, that's amazing. And then like, you know, he just gets all his comebots bitten off of him. Um, yeah, so that's those categories, and now we're done with Anna Anaconda. Make sure to join us next week because it's Mortal Kombat! I don't know, but I'll do in Mission Impossible.
SPEAKER_01No, this is the one movie I've seen almost as or more times than Titanic. Really? Uh, because I used to go take girls to go make out, and I just go see the same movie all the time. Yeah, it's like I've already seen it. So there's a 12-year-old boy.
SPEAKER_05There's there's a lot there's a long time to make out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you watch it the first time, it's awesome. Maybe even the first couple times, and then you're like, let's just kiss. Yeah. This movie makes me want to kiss.
SPEAKER_05And this will sadly be an episode Jason won't be joining us on, but hopefully, um, and I may end up cutting all this out if we're not able to do it this weekend, so it may just not happen. Nice. Um, but Dakota and Devin will be joining me, hopefully. Uh, I haven't even asked them yet, and I haven't even told my wife about it. So we'll see what happens.
SPEAKER_01This might be recorded from the doghouse.
SPEAKER_05So, yeah, join us for the original Mortal Kombat movie. Um, it's been a while since I've seen it. I watched it a lot as a kid because I loved Mortal Kombat growing up.
SPEAKER_01It could only have been gotten better by now.
SPEAKER_05Honestly, probably.
SPEAKER_01I think so.
SPEAKER_05Um, but yeah, we're celebrating the slabs, I guess. Um we're doing it because we're releasing it on the same week as the new one, which Devin is very excited about. I thought the new remake was mediocre. I haven't seen it. Yeah, it was fine. It was fine, had some cool parts, but otherwise, I was like, wow, we uh are doing a lot of stuff that doesn't make sense. Hell yeah. Um, yeah, join us next week for that. Mortal Kombat Baby, Paul W. S. Anderson. He makes bad movies.
SPEAKER_01And if somebody doesn't say the double feature is Street Fighter, I'm quitting. Already. Already had that planned.
SPEAKER_05So spoilers for next weekend. Next week. Um, yeah, so join us for that.
Reviews Fan Mail And Goodbye
SPEAKER_05Um, I hope you have you guys all have a great day. Um, make sure you leave us some reviews, uh, send us some fan mail. You know how to leave reviews, just do it. Do it, do it for snake's sake. All right. For snake's sake. I don't know. It needs your love. Um, and yes, um, tell some friends, share us with people, follow us, like us, subscribe us. Um, thank you, Joey Prosser, for our intro and outro music. You can follow him on X at Mr. Joey Prosser. This has been the We Recommend Podcast. I've been Jesse. I've been Jason. We'll see you later, baby birds. Bye.
Podcasts we love
Check out these other fine podcasts recommended by us, not an algorithm.
How to Survive a Horror Movie
Ryan Stacy
Blank Check with Griffin & David
Blank Check Productions
The Rewatchables
The Ringer
The Big Picture
The Ringer