We Recommend: A Movie Podcast
We Recommend is a movie podcast where every week Jesse and Jason discuss a movie that they love and recommend you to watch and then come back and listen to their podcast!
We Recommend: A Movie Podcast
Casino Royale
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Casino Royale is the moment James Bond stops feeling like a cartoon and starts feeling like a bruised human being, and that’s why we can’t stop talking about it. We’re breaking down Daniel Craig’s first turn as 007, from the black-and-white opening kills to the parkour chase that helped define 2000s action movies. If you’ve ever wondered what makes a “great Bond movie,” we argue it out: gadgets versus grit, charm versus competence, and why this reboot finally makes the job look painful.
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Music produced by Joey Prosser. X @mrjoeyprosser
Welcome And The Movie Pick
SPEAKER_00Hello and welcome to the We Recommend Podcast, a movie podcast where every week we recommend a movie for you to watch and then come back here and listen to us discuss. I'm Jesse. I'm Jason. I'm sorry, that last hand nearly killed me. Cause this week we recommend Casino Royale. Yay!
SPEAKER_01Bunny Banny.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it's so good. What a good theme.
SPEAKER_01Yes. No, I fucking love this movie. It rips. It's probably the best. In my opinion, it's the best Bond movie.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I have trouble because I do really like uh Skyfall so, so, so, so much.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yes. Okay. All
What Makes A Great Bond
SPEAKER_01right. What in your opinion makes a good Bond movie?
SPEAKER_00Um, well, as a kid, gadgets. I was a big gadget boy. But now as an adult, that's kind of what I like about this movie. It's not very gadget heavy except for a defibulator in a car.
SPEAKER_01They couldn't hook up.
SPEAKER_00But no, honestly, I guess watching some of the being a little older and watching some of the older bonds and other bonds, you know, they're very cartoony. Because, you know, they're a little silly. They're all silly. Until these new bonds with the uh oh my god, how am I gonna forget his name?
SPEAKER_01Mr. Craig.
SPEAKER_00Daniel Craig. Yes, where it's kind of more real raw and you know a little a little more vicious, I guess, in terms of fighting and stuff. I mean, the f so it's kind of tough because I used to want all the stuff in the Pierce Brosman ones, and yeah. Now I'd absolutely love all the Daniel Craig dislike, hey, I'm running and punching people a lot. And it's like, yeah, I like that.
SPEAKER_01And I I like that too. And I think that uh says a lot about this director. And I think I feel like he did a like a lot of reversal.
SPEAKER_00Would
Martin Campbell And Bond Tone
SPEAKER_00you like to know what the director has done? So he did Goldeneye, the Pierce Brosman one, yeah. I think the first Pierce Brosman one. Yeah, I had no idea.
SPEAKER_01Um He's like, forget about that one.
SPEAKER_00He got hit to the opposite. He kind of got famous doing a lot of TV work and then did some small movies and then eventually got uh Goldeneye, then he did Mask Zoro. Um as a kid. Whenever he does like with the sword and like her clothes fall off, I was like, what a guy! I'm gonna be Antonio Banderas when I grow up. Um then he did vertical limits. What? Yes. I'm like, holy shit, we're gonna eventually probably do another one of his movies. Either vertical limit. Yeah, vertical limits.
SPEAKER_01A lot of fun.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I love that. Uh and then he did a bunch of other things that didn't really do anything, but then he got Casino Royale after The Legend of Zora, then did the Edge of Darkness movie, and then uh destroyed his career with Green Lantern. Yeah, the movie blue. But he he did do uh Jackie Chan's like return to film in The Foreigner. Nice where he's like, I'm old man Jackie Chan, now I fight. But so while I was doing doing all that, honestly, the thing I need
Villains That Actually Feel Human
SPEAKER_00most in a James Bond movie is a dope ass villain. And the Craig movies, um Quantum of Solace, not so much, but um, which is this continuation of Casino Royale, which goes into what uh LeChef's um organization is Quantum, and it kind of goes into that. It's just kind of a mediocre action movie that's I kind of like. Yeah, it's fun. Um but yeah, the villains all kind of roll in these. You know, the first one you got mads, love it. Yeah, love mads. Um his little weeping bloody eye, it's so good. And then Skyfall, you have uh Javier Bardim, and he just absolutely crushes it. He's probably my favorite villain out of all the Craig ones.
SPEAKER_01Well, what I really like about Lachief is that he seems like a normal guy. Yeah, a normal person. He just like uh has a gambling problem.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and that's kind of what I love about him in this movie. It's whenever like the um, I don't know what they're or the freedom fighters that come in like in the middle of the poker stuff and it's like, I'm gonna cut your girlfriend's arm off. Yeah, to see him so vulnerable and scared, I'm like, I kind of love that as a villain being so weak and kind of wimpy in a situation where it's like, oh, this guy is just an addict, he's just addicted to gambling and wants to take down organizations.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I feel like that rings so true to me.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and plus, you know, out of all torture scenes, uh, he kind of leads the best one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, man. It's not like some laser that might cut you. That's he fucking rules.
SPEAKER_00It's I'm hitting you in the balls over and over. Seeing that at the drive in, it's just like ouch. Me, Richard, and uh his cousin were all like, ah then he starts laughing. He's like, Yeah, it's so good. Ugh. Insane. Um, but yeah, if you have a good villain, and the most of them always do, you know, you got from Moonraker, you got jaws, you know, he bites things with his teeth, and it's cool. Sure. And then uh whatever his name is, the bald guy with the cat.
SPEAKER_01The bald guy Dr. Evil?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's what they're making fun of. It's uh Mr. Oh fuck. I can't I don't know. Blofeld. Blofield. That's what it is. Yeah. Um, because I think I watched from Russia uh With Love. Yeah, I watched I watched a few of the Sean Connery ones, and I liked them all. Sean Connery is great. He really is uh he was really uh kind of someone that I wish I I looked like, you know, if I was in the 60s, you know. Time magazine. This is exactly what every girl in the 60s wants. Sentry. Yeah. Um, so this is your favorite Bond movie.
SPEAKER_01Uh well, I mean, I know I grew up on Pierce Brosnan. Yeah. And I I always kind of recognized I never really watched any of the old ones with Sean Connery or the other guys.
SPEAKER_00I won't lie, with the um Pierce Sprosman ones, I think, you know, usually I love movies from the 90s. I think actually that movie being in the 90s kind of hurt that movie. Yeah, it did. It was bad. It was very cringy. It was cringe. Uh for sure. I never like because when I went re-watch Golden, I was like, what is happening? We're just making giant like cuts into like things. I'm like, we you don't figure out what one scene is until like two scenes down the road, and it's like constantly. So it's like, what is happening? Right.
SPEAKER_01But it was still there was a badass fight scene with in Tomorrow Never Dies with Pierce Brosnan and Villain, and they had like they were having a sword fight, and the first one to win was to to draw first blood. Ah yes. And like Pierce Brosnan chose the broadsword. Yeah. Like that was I'll fucking love that shit.
SPEAKER_00I I do want to have uh watch all the Pierce Brosdans again. I've only I only recently wanted to watch back and watch Goldeneye. Um well I do remember there's like a movie that uh shit. I can't remember who's in it. It's uh I've only seen like half of it or something, but it was about these people that they're like sword fight. Um and it was a very realistic like sword fights from old timey days, right? And so like two of them are fighting, and one guy just like cuts them and he's like, All right, that's game, because you're gonna die from that cut.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah. Because we don't have an antibiotics. Yeah, so it's like you're dead.
SPEAKER_00For anything, yeah. And so I even watched like a video on it. It's like, yeah, that's uh what's some of the most real sword fighting ever in a movie where it's just like all right, you're cut a little bit, you're dead forever now. I'm done. That's it. That was so awesome. Um, so who is your favorite James Bond?
SPEAKER_01Um I don't think Daniel Craig kind of kicks so much ass.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and he's a very different Bond from all other Bonds because he's blonde.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and that's what everyone hated about him, apparently.
SPEAKER_00And when he was first cast. Well, and then he was like a nobody at the time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, before the movie came out, they were like, he's blonde with blue eyes. Yeah. No, we're not gonna do this. Sorry. Yeah, and have some fun facts we'll get to a little bit later about that.
SPEAKER_00Um I think it uh honestly, if you think about it, all Bond movies kind of are saying a lot about like the generation that they're in. Exactly. The 90s was like, we're gonna just do big bombastic action movie that's ridiculous and none of it ever has to make sense.
SPEAKER_01Right. I think a lot of people gauge a bond on how charismatic he is.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And which is what they've been really good at is picking bonds. They've they've really like haven't really messed up on that. Though there are some bonds that are not as loved as others, I'm just not sure what they are.
SPEAKER_01What I like about Daniel Craig's Bond is that he's different in in a way. Like all the other bonds have always like got the girl, bonded the girl with their skin. Yeah. Yeah. But Daniel Craig, he's on the job, he's on the clock. Yeah, you don't have time to have sex with these models.
SPEAKER_00It's like, yeah, just because a girl's on top of you, like dry humping you, you're like, I gotta go to Miami. A married woman, no less. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Hey, that's his that's his type is single, not single, which kind of makes him more professional in a way.
SPEAKER_00It's like, I will only have sex with you if I can ruin your marriage.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Which would have ruled, but he doesn't. Yeah. He just does the job, which I think a lot of people can relate to more.
SPEAKER_00I think that's helped by the just like the whole framing of the movie of being about it's rookie James Bond, which we haven't really ever seen. He's always he's always like, I've been doing this for years. Right. Would you like to have sex with me?
SPEAKER_01No, rookie James Bond gets laid constantly and never does this. Ever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that that would actually probably be true. It's like, hold on. Like, I just get to have sex with me.
SPEAKER_01Well, I've got a gadget for this. Hang on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's like, oh, that's that's my vibrating penis, the penis they put on it. You don't know what my pinky can do. And I I think with uh with Daniel Craig, it's the new balance bond. It is just about like uh realistic fighting and things like that, which we kind of Yeah. I mean, because things like this movie, oh, and born identity and things like that, where it's like a lot of hand-to-hand fighting that looks realistic and kind of brutal. Yeah. And just I mean, the the free also 2000s, big free runner, free running uh decade for everybody. It
Parkour Era Action And Brutality
SPEAKER_00was a very parkour heavy something that happened for like five years in the 2000s and eventually went away. I mean, we got Assassin's Creed from it. We got this scene in James Bond, the office, everybody in high school trying to free run. I mean, it really took over for a long. I remember after on graduation day, you know, everybody leaves early. Uh you know, we all at every senior leaves at like you all climbed up a pole. Well, so me and my friend, we went free, he went to teach me how to free run. I remember hurting my hurting my ankle doing it. I was like, ooh. Yeah, man. What should probably be done for now? Takes training. Yeah. It is kind of weird.
SPEAKER_01You didn't just shake it off.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like, I'm all right, gotta keep going.
Why Poker Works Onscreen
SPEAKER_00Shake it off. I gotta run. Um, so why is poker so fun to watch in movies? Um it's one of the it's one of the best. It's like something two things I would never want to watch. Well, two things I think are boring to watch. Poker, baseball. Two movies I will two things I will watch in a movie every time. Baseball and poker. It's so weird. It's they're great things, they're great sports or games that you know to film.
SPEAKER_01You think it kind of relates to anybody can do it and the people who do it really well are special?
SPEAKER_00I think it's just because it's so slow that you can build up a lot of tension in it. That is true, right? Because, you know, like you throw a pitch in a baseball game, it's like it could be five minutes till another pitch is starting. Not all the time, I know, but like, you know, there's a lot of time in movies where you know, if it's Kevin Costner as a pitcher, he can look up at the stands and then we can have a quick little flashback and then come up with corn. Yeah. Because Kevin Costner, the greatest uh sports actor we've ever had, and I'll fight you over it.
SPEAKER_01Throws a ear of corn at the bat. Oh, fake play, trick play, you're out. You get hit by the corn.
SPEAKER_00They beat some popcorn with that. But then, like with poker, you know, we had uh um do you have my money? Oh yes. And it's just I don't know. Anytime there's there was also like a huge poker craze. Yeah, and I mean, because at this point, like the hangover shoved it in a movie. Well, I mean, that's because they went to Las Vegas, but there's like the movie 21. No, there's just a bunch of ever every douchebaggy knew started doing it.
SPEAKER_01We started playing all night poker and when I was in college, and I ended up winning uh I think I won like 20, like 30 bucks.
SPEAKER_00Like everybody all of a sudden just like, oh, you know, tails bluffs up. So they sit there and all seriousness, like, I'm not gonna do anything.
SPEAKER_01Everyone's got their glass, their sunglasses on.
SPEAKER_00I had a friend, he'd always wear a hat and pull his head down as long as like, do you think I'm gonna be able to tell when you're bluffing? I have no idea even how to play odds in this game. It's like none of us know what we're doing.
SPEAKER_01I want against there's this uh I played against a statistics major in college, and I beat him, and he was like, Yeah, it's just like, hey, uh, I don't know what I'm doing.
SPEAKER_00So I'm just kind of getting lucky here. It's so ridiculous. It's like every time I sat down to play poker or like Texas holdover or something, it it always happens. I'm like, how does anybody do this?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's like impossible.
SPEAKER_01They're cheating, probably.
SPEAKER_00But also never played it with like a group of like eight people at a time. So it's like that's what we were doing. I feel like that's a little bit of a different strategy, you know. It's because there's more cards spread out, so it's like there's a bigger chance of a lot of people not having poker.
SPEAKER_01In my opinion.
SPEAKER_00What Texas holding? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it really is kind of the best. I do remember I also had a PlayStation 1 or 2 game that had poker, and when poker was crazy, I did play it a lot. But um, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Like Red Everdentium 2? Oh fuck. I play poker in that all the time. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But the best poker game, which isn't really a poker game, is Bilatro. Yeah. Alright, so we just recently did Mission Impossible, James Bond or Ethan Hunt. James Bond. I'd say Daniel Craig, James Bond. But Ethan Hunt over the others. Well, I don't know. I guess if we're just boiling down the the movies.
SPEAKER_01No, because I guess Ethan Hunt can't sit still long enough to play both.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Ethan Hunt, I guess it really isn't in the first movie. He's a pretty well developed character, but after after it's just always kind of like, oh my god, someone's been kidnapped, or oh my god, we're in this impossible situation. So then I guess there's not much, but then because with Skyfall, you know, they really go back into Daniel Craig's past and stuff like that. So yeah, I guess I'll say James Bond. Sorry, I just had a monologue with myself.
SPEAKER_01Tom Cruise can't stop running, so he can't he unless they can find a way to play cards while like jumping on a train, he I don't think he could do it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and plus like I pretty much all the bonds I will watch have sex, and I don't ever want to watch Tom Cruise have sex. So weird. So weird. This is a fun conversation. Oh, but do you think of Eva Green as a Bond girl?
SPEAKER_01Love Eva Vesper. Love Eva Green. She's great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like she she really challenges Daniel Craig's character in a in a really cool way.
SPEAKER_00And I think what was really nice is going from most of the Pierce Brosman Bond girls, who uh most of them aren't good actors. Yeah. I mean Halle Berry was, but Eva Green's like a fantastic actress. Um uh I watched a few movies of her. She like was in a lot of movies on the IFC channel, like Dreamers and things like that, which is a meow movie. Um so, but she's always been like super good, and I don't know, everybody kind of knows her as like, oh yeah, that girl that's really good at acting. Yeah, she's I've been in the case.
SPEAKER_01Her death scene is incredible.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like her face, like how big her eyes got and stuff like that. I remember reading in the facts, like so. She had to do training to do that scene because she'd be underwater for minutes at a time to do the scene. Um and she said it was actually like some of her favorite times of shooting. It was like so nice and peaceful and quiet, like underwater. So she water. She really enjoyed it. But when her eyes kind of like, she kind of gets like this real like bug-eyed look when she's drowning, and it kind of scared me. Scared me a lot. So um it took it took a long time for this novel to finally reach the big
Fleming Origins And Adaptation History
SPEAKER_00screen. So Casino Royale is the first James Bond novel that 007 creator Ian Fleming ever wrote, published back in 1953. The inspiration came from Fleming's own wartime experience. While serving in British intelligence during World War II, Fleming had visited the casino historial in Lisbon. Portugal was neutral during the war and had become a central hub for spies on both sides. Fleming learned that German agents frequented the uh place and apparently devised a plan to bankrupt them at the tables, then recruit them as double agents by having British intelligence pay off their debts. That plan never came to fruition, but the bunch of money uh planted the seed for what would become Casino Royale. That is such just that's cool history. I know it's so cool. It's like, geez, like what do we have now that is like I don't know. I mean, I guess because we're so far away from wars like that. I guess everything that would be stemming from something cool like that would be a bunch of drones playing poker. Yeah, it's just like I mean, I guess everything is based off which we had a lot of in the 2000s and late 2000s, like you know, Desert Storm and the Iraq war and things like that, but there wasn't much spy craft going on, I feel like in the that we know of yet.
SPEAKER_01Not that they made movies about.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, maybe in like 10, 20 more years we'll be like, oh, this is now confident.
SPEAKER_01It's all just fucking honey pots for the win.
SPEAKER_00I'll be honeypot.
SPEAKER_01It'd be funny if her name was Honeypot.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Um, so before uh Eon got anywhere near Casino Royale, the story had already been adapted twice. CBS bought the television rights in 1954, and the first production was an episode of Climax in an anthology drama series on the American network. In that version, the villainous LeChef was played by Peter Lore. Linda Christon played a composite character called Valerie Mathis, and Bond was played by American actor Barry Nielsen. Um the film rights, meanwhile, were owned by Charles K. Fieldman, a major Hollywood producer behind films such as Street Car Named Desire and the Seven Year Itch. When the Sean Connery Bond films uh became a huge success in the 1960s, Feldman put Casino into production with Columbio Pictures, but it's as a comedy. It arrived in 1967 with David Nevin as Bond, Ursula Anders as Vesper, Peter Sellers as a baccarat master called Evelyn Trimble. Like a lot of different people that aren't in it, but uh the fact that Peter Sellers is in it is hilarious because he's hilarious. And in 1989, Columbia was bought by Sony, and Sony approached MGM and offered them the rights to Casino Royale in exchange for Spider-Man, which MGM had at the time. The deal was done, and MGM and Eon put Fleming's first novel straight into development. Are you fucking kidding me? How different would everything be if this didn't happen? If it was Spider-Man. Yeah, like I mean, like if Sony kept Bond and MGM kept Spider-Man, like what would have happened? Like everything could have been completely different. The world as we know it would have changed. I don't know. It's just like it's weird. I never I never knew that until looking up notes, and I was like, whoa, that'd have changed the course of history filmmaking-wise.
SPEAKER_01Could have had a like a really suave Spider-Man that wasn't teenage players.
SPEAKER_00Well, yeah. I mean, who knows who would have been Spider-Man at the time? Who knows who would have directed the Spider-Man movies? And like whether those become big or not maybe leads to, I don't know, other bigger, you know, superhero things not working. And then uh, you know, we would have never had Daniel Craig potentially as James Bond. Then we would the knives out trilogy may have not have happened. Daniel Craig has ripped Spider-Man. It would have been oh, I would watch that. So uh there were two directors that were potentially gonna direct this before um uh Martin Campbell. So Ian Productions was owned by Barbara Broccoli. I'm assuming that is how you say her. Unless you say it differently. I will just call her Barbara now. And Michael G. Wilson, the children of Albert Cubby, um, who produced the classic Bond films before settling on Martin Campbell. Ian considered two other filmmakers for the director's chair Andrew Nicole. Nicole, the New Zealand writer director who had written The Truman Show and written and directed Gattaca. Two good movies. I know it's like, holy shit. Um, but then was offered the gig but turned it down to make Lord of War. All right. The Nick Cage movie. That is relatively fun. It has a great opening sequence, and I'm like, oh damn, he would have done a great Yeah, and when they're pumping up the shells and it's like he would have had a great like intro. Like, you know how you have the you have the first scene of the movie and then it cuts to like the classic Bond with all the images of the cards and stuff. He'd probably done a really good job at that. Yeah. Uh next was Matthew Vaughn, who was considered on the strength of his work on Layer Cake, which is what got helped Daniel Craig get this movie, actually. Um I've actually never either, but it's apparently a really good film. But Ion decided he was too young at around 33. They turned to Campbell, who had previously directed Goldeneye for the franchise, and he later admitted he only agreed to do it because he had nothing else on at the time. But that's like um Matthew Vaughn, he did Kingsman. Oh, nice. He also did Kick Ass. So that's the director who did Kick Ass. Yeah. I like those movies. Um, so do you want to hear what Quentin Tarantino's version of the movie was gonna be?
Tarantino Pitch And Casting Backlash
SPEAKER_00So when MGM got the riots, Quentin and Pierce Brosman got together over cocktails one evening and decided they wanted to collaborate on Casino Royale. Tarantino's pitch was bold. Uh take Bond back to the Cold War 1960s, set the story after on her mergent Her Majesty's Secret Service, so that Bond's wife Tracy had just been killed. Uh shoot the whole thing in black and white, ditch the John Barry theme music, strip out the one-liners, and layer in voiceover narration. He took the idea to Eon. They said no. Tarantino still took credit for the direction of the franchise, eventually went in, claiming that the reason they made Casino Real all came down to him. Ian Fleming might have had something to say about that. Um he's got the biggest ego. I mean, they did do the black and white part at the beginning. Yeah, but I'm glad that it didn't do voiceovers. Yeah, the voiceover and arrow, which is something that Quentin Tarantino loves to do, like especially in the later films he's been doing. Um but yeah, I mean, I would have loved to seen it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I would love to see a Quentin Tarantino bond.
SPEAKER_00Version of anything, really. Because I know he's always wanted to do a Star Trek, and I'm like, Really? He wants to do an R-rated Star Trek, but they won't let him do it. I'm like, who gives a fuck? You have so many bad versions of Star Trek out there because there's a hundred billion TV shows now. It's like just let anybody do anything with the franchise. Who cares? Yeah. I mean, I think so. I want to see space get nasty. Me too. Where's our nasty ass space boys and girls? Let's get some. Um, let's see.
SPEAKER_03There was one more thing.
SPEAKER_00Um so there's like just a shit ton of people that they wanted to um be Bond. There's like 200 people considered. Uh some of the names Dominic West, Gerald Butler, Jude Law, or Lando Bloom, Carl Urban. Um Martin Campbell Campbell later said that if Henry Cavill had been a few years older than 22 at the time, he would have been cast. Uh it was eventually whittled down. The group included uh James Purefoy, don't know, don't know who Julian McMahon is, Ewan McGregor, um, and then it came down to you know, essentially Daniel Craig, and that's who got it. And according to other reports, Eric Bonner, Hugh Jackman, and George Clooney all turned down the role. Um, and so Hugh Jackman. Yeah, that would have been fun. Um and then Craig initially said no to playing Bond when Daniel Craig was first approached about auditioning for 007. He said he wasn't interested. He thought the films had become stale and formula formula formulaic. That's how you say that.
SPEAKER_01How fucking how what what do you have to be in life that turned down James Bond roles?
SPEAKER_00I think well, I think with actors, they just really I think they saw well by the time that I mean Bond was at a low point at this point because the last one was so bad of the Pierce Brawls, and like nobody liked it and they thought it was too goofy. It's just like our 2001 uh 9-11 really changed our mindset about everything. We wanted more serious stuff. We didn't want goofy formal egg things. So they're like, I want to be a badass if I'm gonna do it. I don't want to be this like goofy, I want to be someone that like takes down terrorists.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's like, okay, well, like the first 30 minutes are you running and busting through walls and shit. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Man, when he busted the wall, the free runners just running over everything, he's like, ah. Um, but so um he thought the films become formal leg. What changed his mind was reading a version of the script which conceived him convinced him that he would be a different kind of Bond film. He later said he found out he'd officially been cast while out shopping for groceries when Barbara called him and said, Over to you, kiddo. Uh the tabloids were less kind though. Different newspaper described Craig as too short, too ugly, and too blonde. The front page of the Daily Mirror ran with the headline, the name's Bland, James Bland. I fucking love that. A website was even set up where disgruntled friends could download a complaint letter, template, sign it, send it to Eon. The letter read, I'm voicing my dissatisfaction that you have replaced Pierce Sprosman with such an unknown and unattractive actor. Everybody's horny. You know they're all dudes.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, of course. They're all trolls.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's like if that's one thing I know, it's like if there is someone commenting about someone's looks, whether it's guy or girl, it's always a bunch of men. And it's so weird. Um, so yeah, that's pretty much everything I'm gonna say about facts because I don't want to keep this going. Um, though I do have another fact. So in one scene, James Bond was supposed to be swimming at the beach when he sees Solange, the wife of the villain, uh Alex, that he follows at the beginning, riding on a horse, and the two make eye contact. Craig says that while shooting the scene. Well, he and the horse? Yeah. While shooting the scene, he accidentally hit an awkward situated sandbank that forced him to stand up and walk out of the water instead of just floating, as the script said. The image of Craig stepping out of the water ended up being plastered all over the promotional material. Pretty much. With many people assuming that it was a nod to Ursula Andres emerging from the beach in the first Bond movie, Dr. No. Perceived homage to Bond's legacy likely helped win over many reluctant dudes, because it was definitely dudes, um, many of whom were leery when it was announced that an unknown actor was taking over the helm of the franchise. It also helped launch James Bond as a more modern and rugged 007, but the main effect was on Daniel Craig's career. The scene single-handedly turned him into an international sex symbol. Craig said he realized that right away that the moment would draw comparisons to Andrews, but he didn't think he would be haunted by it for the rest of his life. What do you mean, haunted? Because now it's just a bunch of people like, hey Von, come here, let me touch your touch your pixel, buddy. Get over here. Come on. I was complaining earlier about it. But like, how funny is that? Everybody's like, ugly, unattractive, I hate him. How am I supposed to jerk off to this? And then he steps out of water, like, oh my god.
SPEAKER_01Remove cigar from now.
SPEAKER_00I hate him because he's too attractive.
SPEAKER_01It's just so insane, like how vain everybody is, petty, and just how absolutely we it's I think I feel like we need a new pool to draw from that isn't dudes, like dude trolls.
SPEAKER_00Well, and and it's so crazy because I mean this happens literally almost every movie franchise is constantly like, oh my god, I can't believe your cast is this. Movie comes out, that's actually pretty good. Yeah, never mind. It's like just wait till you see a fucking movie.
SPEAKER_01And they'll never admit that they were the ones complaining about it.
SPEAKER_00It's like it's like I feel like for and you know, it only got worse with superhero movies, and it's just like every time there's somebody cast, people are like, oh good. It's like, shut up. They're probably just gonna be good at the role. They're actors and work really hard to try to do good acting. Yeah. But sometimes it doesn't work, but you know, whatever.
Listener Mail And The Big Question
SPEAKER_00Um well, I think it's time to divide dot dot dot dive into the plot of the film. But first, at home we would like you to think about what is the point of Casino Royale. Um, and you can leave us in the description. There's a link you can click to leave us some fan mail. Um, click it or go to the bottom where you'll see our email. We recommend mailbag at gmail.com, or if you're on YouTube, you can comment to us like, uh, we got two more comments. So uh on Mission Impossible, our dog Mark with the C, uh, he says, Let's go. The algorithm and my hating kids tried to keep me away, but I'm back. So I don't know if that means his kid hates us.
SPEAKER_01Those darn kids are like, stop it, stop it.
SPEAKER_00I immediately was like, Yeah, I mean, if I was a kid, I'd hate it. How much I cuss. It's like I feel like I'm insane with this. Um, so and then for speed, we had uh someone Susan uh said, just watch this movie recently and it holds up well. Keanu and Sandra make a great couple, they look so young. Hope speed three will be made while both are still acting. Um, my watch speed two, and you won't want a speed three.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, true.
SPEAKER_00Because my uh alternate title for what vehicle would speed three be on? Uh I mean, I feel like it has to be like a crazy plane or train, right? Crazy train. Um, did I ever tell you my speed? So it's speed two cruise control. Did I ever tell you uh my alternate title? No. Speed two snooze control. Ah it doesn't have Keanu Ruiz in it, just you know, and they're also on a boat, which is hard to film looking fast, you know. But I believe it was like something like a producer really wanted to make a boat movie, so it was one of those situations. It's kind of like where the producer of uh Wild Wild West was super into spiders, yeah. Um, and wanted to have a what the Superman film that like Nick Cage was eventually gonna do or whatever. Um, he really wanted him to fight a giant spider. I mean, it was just a guy that was literally obsessed with a giant spider, and then he finally made Wild Wild West, and the movie ends in the third act with a giant robotic spider. It's just kind of wild how that you know um the craziest people. Um, and I believe that producer is was actually Barbara Streisand's husband, who in the movie uh Licorice Pizza is played by Bradley Cooper. And there is five degrees of separation, I guess. Um, anyways, don't know why all that popped in my head. Don't even remember it was started by me saying all that. John Spiders, there it is.
Opening Kills And Title Sequence
SPEAKER_03So Casino Royale 2006.
SPEAKER_00It's almost 10 years after Mission Impossible 1. And I think they both um both have equally bad green screen. Only in one scene, the yacht scene, when like his girlfriend comes out of the water and she walks into the yacht and it's just like like violently green screen behind her. I was like, oh god, this movie has been so beautiful into this one scene. Um, anyways, so in prog, Czech Republic, James Bond has tracked down an MI6 uh section chief Dryden, who was selling secrets to the enemies for profit. They chat about what it takes to be a double O agent. One of the requisite requirements is making two kills, and Bond Bond casually tells Dryden that his espionage contract contact, Fisher, died and is not well. Uh, this is all intercut with conversations. Uh everything's black and white. Uh you got scenes of Bond and Dryden con uh Dryden's contact fighting in the men's room, and it's brutal and it's fucking rolls.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, but it was a um back. Bike breaker? No, never mind.
SPEAKER_00Oh, but I love it because he's like, they're just kind of fighting in the toilet, and they're like close quar combat fighting, and I'm like, that always rolls, and then he eventually like hits it, like puts his face in the water. Ew, gross well, it's like the sink water, not the toilet water. And then he thinks he's dead, he pulls a gun, and then well, we'll get to that in a second.
SPEAKER_01Um and where was I? Oh no. Flashback within a flashback.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um and then darker black and white than the regular black and white.
SPEAKER_00Um, and then like the contact holds him to the floor until he looks dead. Dryden points a gun at Bond. Shame, we barely got to know each other. He pulls the trigger, but James says, Remove the ammunition from the weapon. I know where you keep your gun. I suppose that's something. Dryden continues to taunt Bond, asking him if he felt any remorse or guilt over killing Fisher. Bond remains passive, his face expressionless.
SPEAKER_01Dryden says, I didn't even feel that my gun didn't have bullets in it. Yeah, it's like, I know nothing.
SPEAKER_00Dryden says that Bond needn't worry. The second is, and then at which Bond shoots him and then puts his pistol away, saying, Yes, considerable.
SPEAKER_01Man, it sucks that that's a requirement to be a double O agent. You just gotta kill two people.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, kill two people.
SPEAKER_01What if you just shoot the first two people you see?
SPEAKER_00Well, it's kind of like one of those it's almost like the League of Shadows. You gotta get blood in your hands, otherwise you can't join. So, you know, Batman, 007, same thing, right?
SPEAKER_01Um sorry, I didn't mean to mess up your good.
SPEAKER_00And then we go back in the flashback, and Fisher recovers from Bond's attempts to drown him and picks up his pistol, the frame instantly shifts to the series iconic gun barrel. Hell yeah. Bond spins around and shoots the man, blood runs down the frame, prompting the opening titles. Sang by Chris Cornell, R.I.P. I fucking love this opening title. Yeah, it's awesome. That's something that all the new ones have done very well. So they've uh all the people they get to sing is really great. Because Quantum of Solace is um Jack White and Alicia Keys. I like that one. Uh Skyfall is Adele. Everybody knows because of the Skyfall. That was a terrible impersonation of Adele. And then Spectre is um Billie Eilish, who's like I don't know. She does her like whisper singing, whatever you call that. I can't remember who did uh No Time to Live.
SPEAKER_03Um wait, who sing Spectre thing?
SPEAKER_00Oh, Sam Smith was Spectre. Billie Eilish was the next movie. My bad. Sam Smith who sings the song Unholy, and it's one of the greatest damn songs ever. Yeah, exactly. Right, is it Unholy? Unholy Sam Smith? It's by Sam Smith. Wow. I keep going on tangent. So the scene shifts to Uganda, where the terrorist group, known as Lord's Resistance Army, is meeting with Le Chifre. The Chief. And it's of course supposed to be French. And I love when they say it in French, it sounds like a way better name than Le Chief. Oh, really? Or something like that. Yeah. A private banker to terrorist groups around the world. The broker for the deal is a Mr. White.
SPEAKER_01Terrorism banking.
SPEAKER_00Anytime I hear like in spy movies like Mr. Something, it always just think of arrested development.
unknownMr.
SPEAKER_00Um Mr. White, who invests their money and manipulates stocks so that they get 100% return on the investments. The Lord's Resistance Army, represented by a name, man named Stephen O'Beno, agreed to allow the money to be loaned to La Chief for his nefarious purposes. And like he immediately calls, like, short some stocks for me, dog. Like some guys, like, oh, okay. I'm like, they're just literally ruining businesses. And it's like that never happened. Bad guys are bad guys, you know.
Terror Money And Madagascar Chase
SPEAKER_00So in Madagascar, Bond is working with another MI6 agent. His name is Carter, we'll never see him again. Uh monitoring a terrorist.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm like, what a what a crazy thing. I love it. It was like a snake versus mongoose.
SPEAKER_01Oh, was it? I I don't I don't remember the mongoose. I just remember the seeing the snake, and they were like taking the money. Yeah. I just expected like a luchador to pop out and be like, like getting down dirty with the snake. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's got nacho libre just jumping from the top of the pits. Nacho! Um, but yeah, and uh, so they're there monitoring a terrorist. Uh Malacca, who is gambling on a fight between a cobra and a mongress. Um, Carter, who is inexperienced, is exposed after Malacca gets a phone call, and the terrorist bolts from the scene. Bond chases Malacca, who's an experienced free runner. Um, who is it?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, fucking parkour fight. Hell yeah, yes.
SPEAKER_00No, I mean this scene fucking rolls. Um, it leads Bond through a construction site where he uses a bulldozer to break in.
SPEAKER_01Um and then like at the construction site, they had a sign with like two guys chasing.
SPEAKER_00No free running.
SPEAKER_01Like, beware of free runners.
SPEAKER_00No MI6 on bulldozers here.
SPEAKER_01I know, man. I felt so bad for all the dudes that just like were in the I know, and like one of the guys is like, hey, why are you up here?
SPEAKER_00And then he's like starts beating them up. He's like, hey, one dude that just falls. They start like uh what is it, what do they call that? Like the I guess raffle raff scaffolding? Scaffolding, uh, I guess, but it's I don't know. It's just like beams essentially. They said Malacca starts climbing up it, and then so does Bond, and one guy like falls, and then a tank falls, and then it explodes and it looks sick as shit. And then like they they're on they're going on to several cane cranes, and it's like, hell yes, the shots of them on the crane look so good, just doing those massive jumps, and it's so beautiful. I love how David Craig's sees their good jump, and he's like, he's like uh Yeah, and I just love like the the kind of like raw brutality of him running versus like the finesse of the free runner, and it's just like this is good filmmaking. It's so cool. Martin Campbell's so much fun. This is your best movie by far.
SPEAKER_01Bond's getting his shit kicked in by everything around him, like falling into the dumpsters and like and then when he falls on like that metal, like yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh so um yeah, then they fight, and I love like the fighting on top of the cranes and like they're always slipping. There was even even though I've seen this movie like five or six times, like every time they slip, Bond slipped. I was like, I was like, oh shit, this rules. Um, but then uh eventually um Malacca just like just flips and jumps everywhere and gets down, and then he runs to the uh Nambutu Nambutu Nambutu embassy where he seeks asylum. Bond charges into the embassy. Yeah, and it says like, you know, just international law, be damned. Um and catches Malacca. Bond fights his way through the halls of the embassy and finds himself surrounded by armed guards. The ambassador appears and orders Bond to let Malacca go. Bond does so and immediately shoots Malaka in a nearby gas tank and escapes in an explosion.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, shoot that red barrel, kill all of them. I love the scene the part where he throws the gun at him and catches it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's away. And then he just like uh with the uh what was it, the ambassador of the embassy, like whatever he takes it, it just smashes his head on the statue. It's the rules. Um he sold a phone uh backpack that Malacca was carrying. Searching through the backpack, he finds a bomb and the man's mobile phone. Bond examines the man's message briefly, seeing one with an American phone number and the word ellipsis. Bond keeps the phone. Um I don't know. It was just it was just a really good action scene.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, really good practical.
SPEAKER_00What I think is so smart about it is we don't really get an action scene for a while, I don't think, right? Until the stare scene? Yeah, until the stare scene. So it's like you get they gave you a really big one that was great, and which eventually becomes which I guess is always like a Bond thing. You always start with a big action piece, but like man, they really the technology was on point. They did it on they shot it on film, which even in the black and white just makes it look because it's got that grain to it, and it just looks so yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's kind of gave me that mission impossible. Good. Oh, too. Just that was amazing.
SPEAKER_00I gotta adjust my laptop for my boner. Yeah, it's beaten up. So on a yacht, like she is playing poker with two people and his eye bleeds. It's like, you're a bad guy if you're eye bleeding. Well, apparently it's a real condition.
SPEAKER_01Terrorists must have really bad health.
SPEAKER_00It is just like uh no, I think it's just something you can just have and you just can't have a.
SPEAKER_01Like the lizard that shoots blood. I do too.
SPEAKER_00It's your defense mechanism. Poop out blood. Um, I don't know. So he's got the weeping blood. Uh he sees a news article about Bond in Madagascar. His bald buddy tells him ellipsis it only has 36 hours, and he says that that's all the time he has or something. I don't know. He's put it like his like and when I first read it, because I put it in like that, I was like, that's all the time he has. I'm like, what does that mean? And then it was like later, whenever um the guys come in to kill him, I was like, oh, that's what he does. So um, oh I want to be on a yacht. I just want to be on one yacht in Italy, just one time in my life. It's like I think of succession. They had this one scene where they all just hang out on the a yacht, and I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. It's beautiful. I'm not sure. I just Want to be rich.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, just once. Just one time. Spin it all on the yacht.
SPEAKER_00Need to go on like Wheel of Fortune and win a crazy prize or something. You'll still won't be able to get well because I wouldn't be able to pay the taxes for it.
SPEAKER_01You're like $50,000 on Wheel of Fortune.
SPEAKER_00Hey, you can win a lot. You can win a whole lot. It's been a while since I've watched Wheel of Fortune.
SPEAKER_01Are the prizes up to like over a million now?
SPEAKER_00Well, you can win the million dollar wedge or whatever, and then they put it into the final spin where in the final spin you can win like up to so you get your winnings, whatever you win, and then you go to the final spin. And this will add on anywhere from like $35,000 to up to a million. Um unless you pull a Randy Marsh. Yeah. Don't confuse it, but don't confuse a T did. So back at
M Versus Bond Then Bahamas Leads
SPEAKER_00MI6. M is furious that 007's violent actions were caught on tape at the Nimbatsu's embassy. I hate that. Not quite yet. Bond later sneaks into M's house and hacks her top-level clearance so he can trace where the cell phone call originated from. Bahamas, Paradise Island. When M enters, she is startled and lectures him on proper protocol and conduct. She thought it was a mistake to give him double O status. Bond assures her that the life expectancy of a double O is brief, so your mistake will be short-lived. M tells him that arrogance and self-awareness seldom go hand in hand, and she wanted him to take his ego out of the equation when on a mission. She also tells him to go on a brief vacation until she can decide what's best to deal with him. As Bond goes to leave, M tells Bond to never break into her house again. Then when he leaves, she sees her laptop is slightly open. You're done for. Everything is all part covered in the city. The actor's Facebook, you're ruined. Well, and the the thing with the Bond movies is M is the all-knowing entity in the series. It's like everything that happens in this movie, she knew would happen, essentially. Because she's like, oh, she saw the laptop, she's like, go on vacation. I know you're gonna go and do all this anyway. So fun. I love when they're just like, yeah, this person, she's the smartest person ever. We don't need to give any.
SPEAKER_01You probably looked at her at her search history.
SPEAKER_00And I will say, I mean, she fucking rolls through the whole series. Yeah, she's a great Daniel Craig in a series. And love her. She's a great. She's the she's she's a great Judy Dinch. So Bond had discovered that the call call to Malacca Malacca originated in the Bahamas, so he goes there to investigate who made the call by watching camera footage and while advertising a Ford. Because when he pulls up and he gets the Bahamas, I'm just like, God dang, all the nice cards in this movie, none of them get the amount of uh screen time as the Ford. I'm like, oh cool. So I wonder how much money Ford gave him.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Bond drives an Aston Martin, not a goddamn Ford. Get the hell out of my movie.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think that was I think that was definitely a joke in the movie because it's like he immediately like you know, just like, oh, we never see that Ford again, and then all the nice cars in there.
SPEAKER_01Um it's just covered in shit, like back to the future. Yeah. Dumps poop on buff biff every time.
SPEAKER_00And then of course the hit you have uh bond tying a shoe, and then you know, a rich guy's like, hey, park it for me, and then he'd like that. At first, it's like this is a very dick thing to do. It's like, first of all, I get doing that to them, but you destroyed so many people's cars. Yeah, whatever. I mean, I guess the the hotel's gonna be paying for it. I mean, I just feel like a lot of people are losing money for unnecessary things, but he needed to create a distraction. So, um, yeah, and he goes inside and he just watches a bunch of camera footage, and luckily uh the person got a phone call right at the entrance in the first disc of the security footage that he puts in. Very lucky, James Bond. Way to go. Hooked up his iPod. I was like, man, good thing he didn't take that in his room where there is no cell phone service. Um, so he ends up finding the middleman, Alex, who's working with La Sheif. Uh uh, and then I love it. So then we cut to um Alex's partner comically riding a horse on a beach, and uh the kids just wall looking at her. Oh, she's so beautiful.
SPEAKER_01And then uh this is where we get uh the sand castle just like yeah, he's buried in the sand, and you just see like Dad, the sandcastle's growing.
SPEAKER_00That's Rally. Um, and then uh Bond gets the Bond girl treatment by walking out of the water looking sexy as fuck. All the boys in the audience are like, fam me. Um but yeah, uh so Alex was working with LeCheif, and that he was hired to find someone who could carry out a task for Le Chief. Bond meets Demetrios and plays poker with him, winning his Ashton Martin in the process. Uh it's Alex Demetrios. I meant to say Alex.
SPEAKER_01Um gambling problem.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I love its classic uh uh poker in movies, like I'll put this on the table.
SPEAKER_01But I like I liked how the the dealer was like, we don't do that. That's not what happens.
SPEAKER_00That only happens in movies like I just let him go.
SPEAKER_01Oh wait, oh this is a movie? Okay, well let it go.
SPEAKER_00Oh, wait, you're James Bond? My bad. Forgot. Um and then Bond uses the Ashton Martin to finagle a romantic evening with uh wife of Alex.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you just drove around the in a circle while you were here.
SPEAKER_00Oh, that is so funny. I'm like, you got her. Easy peasy. You wouldn't sleep with someone with a good bit like that.
SPEAKER_01Oh, Daniel Craig, you got me again.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So they go um to his room and she gives information about her husband. She tells Bond that Demetrios is going to Miami with Love. Huh? Nothing. Okay. Um, but yeah, then uh so Bond's like figures out that he's going to Miami, and he's like, or it's like, let me order more shampoo shampoo. Yeah, some shampoo last night.
SPEAKER_01All in a shampoo and uh I need some towels.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, get some champagne and some you know all my towels are covered in blood. I need some fresh. And then gets some room service. He's like, for two, he's like, no, for one, he's like, I gotta go to Miami.
SPEAKER_01To bring some fucking fish sandwiches from McDonald's.
SPEAKER_00And it's just like, you could at least had sex with her because she's gonna die now. Like all this, and you don't even get don't even give her the good.
SPEAKER_01He doesn't need a villain.
SPEAKER_00I want my Bond to think about women's needs, okay? Okay. So Alex meets with La Chief. Alex is the one who got the free runner and says he has another guy that can do the job. Bond follows him to Miami where he confronts Alex after seeing him put a bag away for someone to pick up later. Um, Bond and Alex, uh, they kind of have like a little quiet knife fight. That's fun. That was really because like they're just like looking at each other deeply in their eyes, like pushing the knife one way to the other way, and then Bond's out of the way. Why didn't he just kill Bond right then and there? Well, so it's just like really weird thing in the Bond universe where all the villains just really don't want to just kill him. They really just want to walk with him and talk to him. Because Bond has no problem killing him right away. Yeah, I mean, Bond kills everybody, and like all the bad guys are like, Well, I want to have a chat. Yeah, I want to I just want to do, I want to say something first. I'm that I just don't feel hurt. It's just like the Revolutionary War, you know, it's like they're, you know, the Europeans. Well, I don't know what I'm about to say. Bond is more guerrilla warfare than anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It you know, every all the other Brits are using old Brit tactics. Like, we have to have a conversation before we shoot each other's heads off. Um but yeah, so uh Bond kills Alex when he's held at knife point. However, the bag goes missing and Bond follows the man, Carlos. Hired by Mul for Malacca's job, Bond follows Carlos to Miami International Airport where he pulls a security uniform out of a bag and puts it on. Slips into the secure area of the airport, and Bond follows him. Having figured out Lipsis was the security code to get through the door. Carlos causes a distraction with a sprinkler system. Um man, those sprinklers work great. Everybody's immediately soaking wet. I'm like, ah, god dang. Get the fuck out of there. Yeah. Um but I love that. I love distractions in movies. Oh, too. It's always the best. And it's very similar to Mission Impossible, where they cause the firemen to come there so they could sneak into the CIA.
SPEAKER_01I used the Bond move to get out of a drug test. Oh, really?
SPEAKER_00I was like, hey, you pull the fire alarm?
SPEAKER_01No, no. But I used distraction. No, I was like, I was look, I was there's two people looking at me doing the drug test, and I was like, and I saw a picture of a the person looking at me and a grandchild, and I was like, uh your granddaughter is so cute. And they both looked away, and I was like, whoop, wow.
SPEAKER_00It's I would be like, fucking holy shit, Jason. That's that's fucking spy shit right there. And I was so proud of myself. Double O shocking. That's hilarious. And my reaction would be like, hey, when you're holding your penis, can you not stare at my green?
SPEAKER_01No, it wasn't a it wasn't a penis test. Oh.
SPEAKER_00Well, then what did you do? Did you spit?
SPEAKER_01It was uh the mouth swab. Oh. And it had the the the vial has some liquid in it to test the mouth swab that you put it into. And so when they looked away, I dumped it in a trash can that was nearby. Oh. And it it took like a half second. I was like, okay, well, done.
SPEAKER_00Nice. Holy crap, that's awesome. For anybody out there, uh just make sure you distract everybody hearing it. Please do it. That's hilarious. Wow. I mean, need a podcast just about that. It's all your little adventures, Jason. Make me so jealous. So
Miami Tarmac Fight And Skyfleet Plot
SPEAKER_00M calls Bond to tell him Chief will have Carlos destroy the prototype for a large airline named Sky Fleet. Um, never name something so cool. If you give someone a cool name, some terrorists are gonna try to bomb it. The prototype is the largest passenger aircraft in the world, and destroying it will bankrupt Sky Fleet Aeronautics, which I'm assuming Chief is wanting to happen so he can make a lot of money, which is exactly what will happen. Uh Carlos sets off the emergency sprinkler in the building to cause the diversion, forcing everybody out of the airport and slips out onto the tarmac. Carlos attaches an explosive charge, disguises a key ring to the refueling tanker, and starts driving towards the plane. Bond catches up, leaping onto the tanker by running up a stair stair truck, which is highest. Love it. Just another thing that reminded me of rested development. Oh, that's so good.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's so funny.
SPEAKER_00I know it. So stupid. I could watch that right now. So um the two fight for control of the tanker, pursued by the Miami Dade police. Eventually, Carlos leaps off the truck, and Bond is barely able to stop the tanker from hitting the plane. Carlos smiles as Bond is arrested and sets off the charge. However, Bon had discovered Carlos's small explosive device and attached it to Carlos during the melee, and Carlos unwittingly kills himself. And Bond smiles.
SPEAKER_01It was amazing.
SPEAKER_00Here's one thing I want to say. There is a really dope thing that happens in this movie when the airplane is they're like driving on the um the tarmac. Tarmac and a plane's trying to land, and then the plane like lifts up and it just blows the shit out of a cock car. Just flies off screen. I'm like, Yeah. The ones that were shooting the wheels out. Yeah. I was like, that is cool.
SPEAKER_01I was just like, do it again. I mean, after you blow out a truck's a big heavy truck's tires, you probably want to hit the brakes a little bit.
SPEAKER_00And um, this has something that I've really just been enjoying here lately. Um, and it's in-car fight scenes. Yeah, they're so fun.
SPEAKER_01Um it's like from uh uh Indiana Jones.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yeah, it's always good. Um it's probably like the best part of Deadpool versus Wolverine. Oh shit, I haven't seen that one. It's when the Deadpool and Wolverine start fighting, and it's like, you know, none of them can die, so they're just sitting there stabbing and beating the shit out of each other in a car. So it's amazing. And it's great because the car is like one way, and then after the fight, it's like insane. Yeah, I can't wait to watch that. A mediocre movie that has some really good scenes. Very funny stuff. But overall, it's just like you know.
SPEAKER_01And now they're together and they've gone through therapy and they're they're doing good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I'm Hugh Jack Man will never show up as Wolverine ever again. And like he said, the past 15 times he's done it.
SPEAKER_01The money just keeps rolling in.
SPEAKER_00I know, and it's like, I thought you didn't want to work out so hard anymore. So we get a quick scene of La Chief learning he lost all his money and someone talked. I don't know who it is. But upon returning to Nassau n Nassau, Bond discovers that uh the the uh spurned wife had been murdered. Bomb bum bum. When MI6 found her drowned corpse wrapped in a hammock, M explains she was tortured and killed by Le Chief because she was the only one left alive and he assumed she talked. La Chief's plan was to short sell hundreds of millions of dollars in Skyfleet stock and in destroying their prototype, causing their stock to plummet and send them into bankruptcy. Um essentially, I think what was happening to GameStops, I believe. Um thanks to Bond, LeChef loses over 101 million dollars. Now a marked man, LeChef, must find another way to earn the money back so his messers will not kill him. He sets up a high-stakes poker match in Montenegro for 10 players with entry fees at 10 million each plus a 5 million buyback should they lose all their money, and informs Bond of the poker game at the Casino Royale. Roll credits, which in Montenegro, and agrees to let Bond continue the mission since he's the best poker player they've ever had in their series.
unknownI don't know.
SPEAKER_01Did they all play poker against each other?
SPEAKER_00No, I mean I'm assuming like probably coming up to the ranks, he might have played poker with his tr fellow trainees and stuff like that. I guess. Um, M also implants a homing device in Bond's left forearm so she can track
Montenegro Setup And Vesper Arrives
SPEAKER_00him everywhere. M gives up that she knew he would go looking for LaShef while on vacation, tells him to stay emotionally detached. He says that won't be a problem. I remember when I got my uh my uh tracking implant. Put in my arm. It was like around 2000, 2001, you know. When I got that vaccine.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think they put mine when I got when I got my uh when I got neutered. Yeah. It must have like taken the chance. So there's like the constantly like a green light. Yeah, it's pulsing straight from the tests. I can even use the find my option on my iPhone.
SPEAKER_00It's like you wake up in the morning, where are my testicles? Oh, yeah, they're here.
SPEAKER_01Maybe. Oh, there you are. Hello, boys.
SPEAKER_00I will say, for this being like the most tech he gets, I I absolutely love tracking devices put in arms. Truly, I got my first tracking device uh probably around 2010, 2011. I think it was like the first time I got my cell phone. So uh the British government put up the money and send along Vesper, a representative of the HM Treasury, to monitor Bond and give a go or no go should he lose the money. Uh they talk on the train about poker and about each other. Vesper commenting on his cold nature and bonds.
SPEAKER_01Poker don't even know.
SPEAKER_00Ladies and gentlemen, Jason, take a bow. Take a bow. You know how many times I do that to Natalie? See, this is first fucking time on the podcast, you're the one that does it. I'm so mad.
SPEAKER_01I have to do it somewhere because I can't do it a home anymore.
SPEAKER_00But my favorite is like doing it when it doesn't make sense. Yeah. It's like not even a words that go together.
SPEAKER_01Like at Thanksgiving, I did it and um didn't go over so so well.
SPEAKER_00Why not?
SPEAKER_01Well, only one person got it.
SPEAKER_00You just need to have me there constantly be like, ha. That's funny, guys. Your hype man or whatever. So um, yeah, uh Vesper comments on his cold nature and Bond remarking on Vesper's retentiveness, and they are both orphans. It's a great scene. It's just like immediately Eva Green walks in and it's like, hey, um, we're gonna act now. And we're gonna be really good at it. And then it's because you immediately see that they both kind of have a little flirtation. They're trying to like size each other up, you know, and um it's the first time Bond's like, oh shit. I kind of because she gets up and walks away, and he's like a challenge. That was actually uh nice. Challenge accepted. So um, upon arriving, they pose as a married couple, and they have like a little cute car ride scene that was great. It's like, oh, we're a married couple. She's like, You didn't, and it's like, it's we had to do it this way.
SPEAKER_01And he tells her like how to dress and like what to do. Yeah, uh, and she doesn't do it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And so at the front desk, Bond gives his actual name because he thinks that she already knows he's coming and is still putting on the poker game. So what's the point? Best retail departs with him due to his ego. She's like, you know what? There's a there's not enough room for your ego in here. This goes up. Uh Bond gets a package and this key to a car with a gun in it and some medical stuff. Bet that won't come into play later. Because it's like, well, good thing he had like poison stuff on the rails.
SPEAKER_01Oh, but the medical stuff comes with a like a pamphlet for like how to put it together. And he's just like, I don't need that. I don't need that.
SPEAKER_00Like the pamphlet says one thing plug in red wire.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's like, damn, I really should have read this.
SPEAKER_01Ikea. No.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So Bond Investor meet Renee Mathis, their contract in Montenegro, where he am I saying that right? Montenegro? Yeah. Montenegro. Okay. Where he tells him La Chief is well connected in the town, but MI6 has made it easier for them by having the police chief arrested. That was such a oh that's that was some of that like uh mission impossible shit, whether you're just having a conversation, then someone's explaining it, and then all of it's gonna happen right behind you. And but in like Mission Impossible, it's usually like 15 people stand up, it's like, oh, they're all spies. But it's just, you know, love that shit. Yeah. Love it. So fun. Love spy stuff. So before the big night, Bond and Vesper tell each other how to dress. Uh Bond has is like, you need to wear this and make men look at you when you walk in. And she's like, Well, you gotta wear proper clothes, you gotta wear actual fancy stuff, not the stuff you think is fancy.
SPEAKER_01I know. Usually it's like I ask uh Ashley, I'm like, hey, does this do these colors match? She's like, No, try again. And I'm like, I just like just I just want to cut to the chase. Like, just tell me. Tell me what to wear. What do you want me to wear?
SPEAKER_00I find that I have a decent sense of fashion. That's amazing. I'm really I don't have money to buy in fashion. It's like I feel like I know what goes together, but I don't have the urshame.
SPEAKER_01Out of this collection of garbage. Yeah. What goes best together.
SPEAKER_00No, I just like I don't like care enough to make myself look nice. Yeah. I think. Sometimes I do, but like most of the time I'm like, eh, I'm just gonna f when I'm at home.
SPEAKER_01What I'm finding out is that we should.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01We should care.
SPEAKER_00We should care. I think it just depends on who's around you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00My wife doesn't care if I look good. Because I always look good to her.
SPEAKER_01That's amazing. See, they see? Yeah. But that's that's cool. Yeah. I need help. I need more help. I need I need help.
SPEAKER_00The one person I have to impress, she won't help me.
SPEAKER_01She will. She'll tell me if I'm right, but when I'm wrong, she's like, you know what? Good job. Try again. Try again. I'm not gonna make it.
SPEAKER_00I'm giving you credit for trying. And you know what? Try better. We're gonna spend an hour doing this. Uh so um, and then uh, you know, so Vesper sets out a suit for him, and he comes in, and it turns out he's in the classic Bond suit.
SPEAKER_01Uh hey, how about this super handsome suit that you fit really well that was tailored for me?
SPEAKER_00And she's like, Yeah, I told you I'm good at sizing people up.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, Well, I mean, she's from, I'm sure the agency told her how to they cut out the hours of her tailoring and measuring and uh sewing.
SPEAKER_00Oh god. I will say, I mean, any any dummy on the internet says Daniel Craig's not attractive. I mean, what how do you be more aware of a suit? The guy can turn a straight man game.
SPEAKER_01He's like the next best thing to Obama wearing a suit.
SPEAKER_00You know what I think it is? I think there is um there on the podcast The Rewatchables, they it was a long time ago I remember listening to it, but they did have a thing where you know, like some there are people that just Um there are like actresses who just like wives don't like for whatever reason, right? And then there's actresses that like wives are always like I like. So I think it was like Ann Hathaway's like one of them, like for some reason. It or maybe it was someone else. And but like versus someone like Reese Witherspoon, like all women love her as an actress. And I think that all part of this kind of goes to for whatever reason, a lot of men probably was like Pierce Brosman, he's great. We love him, he's the type of man we want our wives to sleep with. Versus for some reason, I think that Daniel Craig almost has like a little bit too much masculinity to him, and that like puts some men off, I'm assuming.
SPEAKER_01No, I mean, like, man, I mean, if she gets the chance, go for it, honey. You do you, you live your best life. You come back to me and tell me how, tell me every single detail. Okay. Don't leave anything out.
SPEAKER_00But it can't be Daniel Craig. Do not sleep with Daniel Craig. Why not? I'm just going based off of the arguments I think these people are making. There's something a little too intimidating about Daniel Craig, which is why they're like, he's bore you bland. He's not attractive.
SPEAKER_01If he comes back a second time, I'm about to step in. Be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, DC.
SPEAKER_00We do this together now.
SPEAKER_01Yes. It's either Eiffel Tower or nothing.
SPEAKER_00And I mean, her and you, me in the middle. Let's go to Paris. Did you catch the you in the middle part? I don't think I did.
Poker Reads Then Stairwell Brawl
SPEAKER_00Uh so um after a good session of Eiffel Towering with Jason, Bond goes to the poker that is held in a private room. Um, love it. Love because he goes through and then it's like this bustling like hotel that has people gambling or whatever. And then he goes down, it's a real quiet room. There's just people quietly sitting in a bar, and I'm like, ooh, shadiness fun. Uh he shakes the hand of like she skullduggery. Yeah. And he's like, I can't remember the fake name that he was supposed to go under. It's like, you're Mr. Blow, all right? It's like, or should I say Bond? It's like Bond.
SPEAKER_01It's just Bond. Yeah, everybody knows me.
SPEAKER_00Each poker player has their money in a Swiss bank account bank in escrow while they play, and each one has a password to keep their money secured. Vesper has the account number, but only 007 knows the password. On the first hand, 007 loses a chunk of cash to figure out how LaShef bluffs. His physical tail involves him placing his left hand near his wounded eye. However, Vesper, who is now there, walks in and walks in the wrong way. Uh Vesper is not at all impressed, and Bond's like, uh, you were supposed to walk in a different way, so everybody stares at you. Um, thinking Bond, uh, she's not impressed, thinking Bond is inept. After a lengthy round of hands, a break is called. Bond places a tracking device on La Chief's inhaler and takes Vesper back to their room.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna ask you a question right here. Why don't they use the Muppets more in serious movies? Why couldn't the Swedish chef be in charge of the bank accounts? I think you are asking a very good question.
SPEAKER_00Is why are the Muppet movies not more intense?
SPEAKER_01I want to see an R-rated Muppet. Well, didn't they do that with that one movie? Yes. But they weren't the Muppets.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. They were just puppets. Just like Kermit the Frog bleeding from an eye.
SPEAKER_01No, just like Swedish chef running a like a shady criminal organization. Uh I wouldn't like it. And then what's Beaker? He was a bad scientist. Yeah. Well long with Dr. Beaker.
SPEAKER_00Then I guess like Yeah. What does Kermit do in this situation? Is he he doing poison? Because Bond still is in this universe. He's still the main good guy. You're right. But because uh he works in a swamp, Kermit, he that's where he like has his poison and stuff like that. Oh, nice. And Miss Piggy walks the streets.
SPEAKER_01She has a prostitution ring. She has the plan for world domination.
SPEAKER_00That's true.
SPEAKER_01That's her role. That's who she is.
SPEAKER_00And every time she gets close to doing it, she just talks too loud and gets rude.
SPEAKER_01No, she falls in love with the main character. She that's her thing. Ah, she's Eva Green in this. And then she gets her heart broken by Bond, and she fails because she gets so angry.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Anyway. Whoever owns weapons, call us. The shrimp, Pepe, he is the he's the supervillain.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And Gonzo is in the bathroom doing cocaine.
SPEAKER_01There's not enough cocaine for that notice.
SPEAKER_00The rat's in the stall overdose.
SPEAKER_01Rizzo? No, no.
SPEAKER_00Two of my favorites, but you know, their fame got to them and they became drug addicts. I can't help it. Camilla's just crying. We got a movie. We got a fucking movie. So the Chief is called back to his room by his girlfriend, Valinka. However, he she uh he was like, hey, uh bad guy's here. Sorry. Um, he's confronted by Obano and his henchmen demanding his money back. They threaten to cut off Valinka's arm. However, the Chief doesn't acquiesce, but Obanin was just messing. Doesn't cut her arm off. Sword fight. And then out in the hallway, Bond's like up to the next room. He's about ready to kick in the door, and he tells uh Vesper to go, but then there's like no time because they come out, so they just pretend that they're making out in the world.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I've done that before, too. That worked. I snuck into a bar when I was underage.
SPEAKER_00Oh, nice.
SPEAKER_01And I said, kiss me to my girlfriend. And whenever the security guards came by, we just started making out. And they were like, We better not mess with these two.
SPEAKER_00Mess this up.
SPEAKER_01They're in the heat of love.
SPEAKER_00Damn, Jason, you've lived a spy movie. Did not know that.
SPEAKER_01Um and learn from the best.
SPEAKER_00As they come out, they begin kissing on the stairway to cover themselves. Abandoned henchman notices Bond's earpiece and attacks them both. They fight, takes them the stairwell where the henchman gets thrown off the stairwell to his death. Always love a nice stairwell fight and falling down to the very bottom. I love the stairwell.
SPEAKER_01Because they don't even, they're like, we could fight down the regular stairs and go down normally, but they're like, no, let's go over the rail.
SPEAKER_00Let's just keep jumping over things. And then Obama, he's got like a sword or a machete, and it's like Where did you get a sword? Well, they brought that for uh to cut an arm off, which is what people do. It's so good. Um, and then they have a knock out knock out drag uh knock down drag out fight all the way down to the stairwell, finally landing on the bottom. Bond gets Obama uh Obano into a chokehold, and Obano tries to reach for Bond's gun. Vesper smashes out of his hands, Bond kills him and orders Vesper to contact Mathis, who sets up a man to take the fall for the dead bodies by placing them in a man's car trunk. That was badass. Then Bond finishes the poker section session, but he returns to the room to find Vesper shaking uncontrollably in the shower. In the fight, he holds onto her and comforts her by sucking blood off her fingers.
SPEAKER_01Nice. And then he's like, You should have just grabbed the sword when he dropped it. It would have been so much easier.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it'd have been cool. He could have cut his hand off.
SPEAKER_01You could have like stabbed him a bunch while I was choking him.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So, you know, actually, I'm gonna leave you alone in the shower now. Um, but yeah, super hella good fight. I love that he gives her a band-aid at least. Yeah. Um and I love I I feel so bad for the guy. I hope he was like some devious guy that deserved to go to jail, and this was a great way to get him in.
SPEAKER_01They all need to go to jail. I see for some reason.
SPEAKER_00I mean, what if it was like the one good person there? The guy with the knife? Well, this is just like, no, I mean, the the guy they put the two dead bodies in a guy's car.
SPEAKER_01Oh, the guy that got caught with.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and it's just like, well, I hope that guy's a like a fucking evil serial killer. Otherwise, like, what the hell will we do?
SPEAKER_01I'm sure he does something bad.
SPEAKER_00I hope. It seems like they're pretty willy-nilly with people's properties and lives in this movie. And um, I will say, I think that uh the Vesper and Bond in the it doesn't really work for me. And I think it's the finger sucking of the blood.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's true love.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And also Vesper, if you're cold, turn the heat up. I don't know why you need a man to come in there and I guess maybe to like like shock you or something. I don't know. Um I think uh I think like everything between them two really work. For some reason, I didn't find this shower seat. I thought it was kind of cringy.
SPEAKER_01It's kind of uh Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And it's the only thing between the two of them that I think is kind of cringy. And it's like you probably know first aid, like though, I mean, she is playing this up because what we'll find out later, she's not actually right. Well, I mean, she probably is. She's a hundred. No, well, because she's also being double crossed at the same time. So it's tomato tomato. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01Really?
SPEAKER_00I don't know if that works. Who knows? But we have to get into this next scene because we got a god dang one of our finest actors about to pop up in the film. I mean, he's already been in here, but he's about to finally start talking. So the next day, the continuing poker game, it's like, how long do poker games go?
SPEAKER_01This is a- usually you just go until the end.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it seems like I guess when you're this much money and you're this rich, you just kind of do whatever the fuck you want.
SPEAKER_01I mean, and he put it together, he probably scheduled the breaks.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. It's like I might have to try to kill him here, so we'll take a break here.
SPEAKER_01You can only play poker for so long, and then you get tired and you forget what the fuck you're doing and why you're doing it.
SPEAKER_00That is true. And then if you're if you're also just as rich as these people, you just do whatever you want.
SPEAKER_01I don't have anything else to do. Yeah.
Felix’s Buy-In Then Poisoned Bond
SPEAKER_01Just make a weekend out of it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So Bond loses all his money to La Chief after misreading a bluff and admits to Vesper that he made a mistake. Vesper won't give him the buyback money, saying he's gonna lose it. Furious, 007 goes after LaChief, but is stopped by one of the other poker players. Felix! Jeffrey Wright, baby!
SPEAKER_01I love him so much.
SPEAKER_00He's an agent sent by the CIA to the poker match to catch LaChief. Uh uh Felix tells 007 that he's doing poor doing poorly himself in the game and that he'll back Bond to re-enter the game. Uh Felix believes that Bond can beat Lachief in return. Bond will give Lachief to the CIA. Bond slowly builds his bank again and once again becomes a threat to Lachief. LaChief has Valinka poison Bonds Martini with Digtails, causing Bond to suffer severe tachycardia? I can't remember right.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, tachycardia.
SPEAKER_00What is he poisoning with? Digtails.
SPEAKER_03D-I-G-U-A-I-L-E. Is that a Pokemon? Or Digard. Oh wait.
SPEAKER_00D-I-G-I-T-A-L-I-S. Um Yes, it is. It's actually a Digimon. So Bond goes to his car. Um, well, first he goes to the bathroom. He takes like some salt and a glass to make yourself throw up. Throw up, yeah. And I was like, what is he doing? I was like, oh yeah, that's right. Like a bunch of salt will make you throw up. But I like how it's all shot. Everything's kind of like oversaturated. Yes. Very bright. And it's like, oh, this is good. It looks hella fucking great. So Bond goes to his car distressed and communicating with mess medical specialists at MIC MI6 headquarters. How are they monitoring his is it his tracker? Tracker. Man, I should have kept mine in. Still got mine. That's why Donald Trump calls me every day. It's like, great job. Your heart rate just great heart rate. Level out. Like, why was your heart rate up so much last night? You wouldn't understand. Mr. President, I'll never tell. Some secrets are best kept to themselves.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_00Um, so and he's about to use a defibrillator. Whenever he sees the connection, isn't plugged in, and he passes out. Vesper arrives, fixes the defibrillator kit, and shocks him back to life. Bond, shaken, not stirred, uh, returns to the game. Then he walks in to La Chief. I'm sorry. That last hand nearly killed me.
SPEAKER_01Yes. I totally would have been one of those guys. When he ordered the drink, I would have been like, hey, me too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I would have been like uh and I love that. Because when he he does make his own special drink, he's like, ah, what should I call this? I didn't think it actually tastes good. He's even gonna call it Vesper.
SPEAKER_01Oh those other guys are like hearts in their eyes.
SPEAKER_00They're just like, oh I love James Bond. I had a problem with him, and I talked about it on Reddit, but now I love him. So the final hand of the game is down to four players, including including, including Bond and La Sheif, who all go all in, betting their remaining money, driving the pot amount to 150 million. One man has a flush while another has a flush house. La Chief has a higher full house and is about to take the entire pot.
SPEAKER_01With five of a kind.
SPEAKER_00But Bond reveals he is a straight flush and wins the game and all the money. Money. Bond tells Felix, the sheaf is all his.
SPEAKER_01He didn't even know what his cards were.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he did.
SPEAKER_01No, he didn't. He didn't look.
SPEAKER_00Well, I mean, but he knew what they were.
SPEAKER_01He was just looking at the dude.
SPEAKER_00What if he just had shit cards? I know because everybody had good cards. Well, but I mean, like, I'm sure he's they just didn't film him looking at it.
SPEAKER_01No, he just didn't know. He never looked. And that was the whole thing. That was to get the other guy off guard. They're like, what if he just didn't have shit, James?
SPEAKER_00And apparently what Bond does in this is something that people who play poker hate. Is whenever you have the winning hand and you wait to be the last person to flip yours over just so you can take in all the glory.
SPEAKER_01But you know how that would just feel so good. Then you get your legs broken later. Or your balls.
SPEAKER_00Let's get there, shall we?
SPEAKER_01Breaking my balls, LaSheef.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So Bond has dinner with Vesper and they flirt a bit. Bond notices her necklace, a Nigerian love knot. He assumes someone important gave it to her. He wonders what drives her. They learn LeSheif was captured by the CA. Vesper leaves the dining room. Seconds later, Bond realizes she's in danger. Vesper is kidnapped by Lachief. Bond races after them and his Ashton Martin, but has to swerve violently when he sees Vesper laying bound in the road. The car rolls several times, destroying it and injuring Bond, rendering him unconscious. Lachief has his men take him, remove his homing implant, and take him and Vesper to a nearby trance steamer. He also reveals Mathis was actually working for him, which we'll never actually figure out if it's true or not true. Damn. Though I assume Mathis is probably actually okay.
Kidnapping Crash And Torture Scene
SPEAKER_00Yeah, damn. So here we go. Bond is stripped naked and found to a chair. He's bounded. With the seat removed, leaving his testicles exposed. Everybody complaining about it.
SPEAKER_01What if they're just all crumpled up on top? Do you think they made sure that they were sticking out?
unknownProbably.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because I mean at that point it's gonna be cold. Yeah, but they're gonna go in.
SPEAKER_01When they were positioning him, they're like, make sure you just like press it. Just like make sure you like someone had to get someone had to touch his pants and his jaw. That's sure. They had to push him down and then close his legs and then tie his legs together. Oh, it was La Chief with blended. Yeah, no, he's the whole time.
SPEAKER_00He's like, damn, boy. Get away. If you put a set of these in my truck, I'd have the biggest truck nuts you've ever seen.
SPEAKER_01Big boy.
SPEAKER_00So LaCheif uses a large knotted rope, striking Bond's testicles. Yes. Demanding the password for the account, the winning the winnings have been secured in. Bon refuses despite La Chief's threats to kill him in Vesper. Now the whole world is gonna know you died scratching my balls. Because he's like, no, no, no. Or he's like, it's like I got a scratch on my balls. And he like hits him, he's like, no, no, no, no, no. The other one. So good. And it's just like this, even though like he's done a great job through the whole movie, this is the scene where you're like, Daniel Craig is fucking bond. He's a new type of bond, but I absolutely love this shit. He's funny, and he's just like, Yeah, I could be that. I'd be like, You flick mine, and I'm like, password, it's one, two, three, four, five, six. You should have tried it.
SPEAKER_01It's Jesse Rule 69.
SPEAKER_00Oh man. Um, oops. I lost my place.
SPEAKER_01Because we all guessed your password. Hold on, I gotta change everything now.
SPEAKER_00So um, yeah, and then uh Yeah, so he hits him some more. Um, Lachif finally draws a knife once he realizes that Bond's not gonna give him up. He's gonna castrate Bond when gunshots are heard outside. The door opens, and Mr. White, the broker from the first scene, uh, with a bano, walks in. Lachief pleads with him, saying he'll secure the money, to which White replies, Money isn't as important to our organization as knowing who to trust. Um, white's gonna be a good one. So even do you think so?
SPEAKER_01Even Mr. White's not even at the top. If he's part of an organization, yes, it's quantum is the organization, which uh Oh, that's what the quantum solace.
SPEAKER_00Oh it's all it's all about going after them, yeah. Um so uh yeah. White shoots La Chief in the forehead, killing him at this point, an exhausted Bond in severe pain after the treatment to his genitals. Thanks. A totally weakened Bond remains uncautious for 48 hours. Yeah. Our second movie in the row, row where someone passes out for 48 hours.
SPEAKER_01I bet they were still sore after that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01For God's sakes.
SPEAKER_00What do you think it is about movies? And like, oh, if someone's really tired or exhausted, they gotta be out for 48 hours. That happens in so many movies. It's always like you can't sleep for an entire day. That's not exhausted enough enough for a goddamn man.
SPEAKER_01Two days. He can endure searing, blinding pain. Yeah, but he has to sleep. He's gotta sleep at all for 48 hours.
SPEAKER_00And he's ready to have sex with Vesper the next day. It's like, no, dude, you're not using those for a minute.
SPEAKER_01Vespa comes over, he's like, easy, easy.
SPEAKER_00He's like, please wear sweaters for at least two weeks. Stop with his dress. Why don't we just play a board? Please put on a bra. You're killing me here. Let's watch the home and garden channel, please. So um, Bond wakes up in the hospital bed during a haze while he recovers. He talks to Mathis, whom he believes was responsible for his and Vesper's capture. Mathis is curious as to why they they left the two of them alive. MI6 agents appear, tase Mathis, and drag him away. Vesper visits Bond and they confess their love to each other. The Swiss banker in charge of the winnings account visits and Bond gives Vesper the uh password of Kia. The password is it is her own first name. Vesper really has feelings for Bond. Bond is fully in love with her. They fug.
SPEAKER_01They do. All my armor is stripped off.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and he falls to the ground and I'm like balls anymore. Is that okay? Your testicles are sensitive and he fell off the hospital bed.
SPEAKER_01His balls must be the size of fucking grapefruit.
SPEAKER_00She's like, I can't find your penis for how big the balls are. Could you please rub some oil on some ointment? What what is it like a popping 800 milligram ibuprofen? It's like the thing you spray on your arm and like it like tiger balm? No, it's like uh icy hot. No, it's like it's a thing you can put on it and don't put icy hot on your balls.
SPEAKER_01I did that once.
SPEAKER_00It's something that's supposed to like relieve pain on your skin. I can't remember.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, those two things that I said do that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but it's different and not icy hot. It doesn't go hot and cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it'd be nice for your balls. No. If I had some, I'd spray them on it for you.
SPEAKER_01Don't don't do that. Don't put anything on your balls, actually. Most things I put on my balls ended up burning and causing pain.
SPEAKER_00I don't put it.
SPEAKER_01You never experimented?
SPEAKER_00My balls?
SPEAKER_01With different appointments.
SPEAKER_00For my balls?
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01Okay, that's probably good. I'm just gonna let you know about a public service announcement. Don't put stuff there.
SPEAKER_00It makes sense because why why are you putting stuff on? Let's just get it.
SPEAKER_01I was a curious boy.
SPEAKER_00If I put some butter on it, I'll have the best smelling sperm you'll ever see.
SPEAKER_01Butter would probably be okay. Butter's okay.
SPEAKER_00I have like a yeast infection. I don't know. So Bond
Venice Betrayal And A Sinking Building
SPEAKER_00is going to resign from the service to go away with Vesper, and they sail to Venice, Italy, where he tells her Mathis betrayed them. She acts like she had no idea. While sailing into port, Vesper notices a man with one eye at a local hotel. Vesper says she'll get the money and Bond will get the supplies for the trip. And he's like, Yeah, I got money. I'll give it to you. And he's like, No, I want to pay for my half. And he's like, He's like, I forgot my wallet.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I forgot my wallet. Pay for mine too.
SPEAKER_00When M phones 007 about his resignation, she says that they need to talk about the money being returned to the British government first, which tips off 007 that Vesper was using him all along. And I love it because M's on the phone and like the guy from the treasury is there, and he's like, Seems like there's some trouble with the payment, Mr. Bond. And she's totally in the know that someone has double crossed them. She's trying to make it seem calm. It's like, oh, okay, so the money will be back later. I love him. I fucking love him. I know. She's the best. It's what really makes these movies like over. The talk where it's like Judy Dinch is so good, like all her knowing looks and stuff like that just like elevates the movie to like from like a nine-star to a nine and a half star movie.
SPEAKER_01It's like the cartoon Archer, like his mom is supposed to be like the M. Yeah. And she's the opposite. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Well, because it's like it's essentially the girl from Arrested Development. The mother. So good. Oh, I get I never finished Archer. I need to. I made it up to like the Bosburger crossover. So um, where did I get? Uh 007 follows Vesper to a secret meeting where she turns the money over and cash to a name, a man named uh Adolf. Uh never a good thing when a guy's name is um Adolf and a few of his men retreat to the building being renovated, and a gunfight in shoes ensues. Bond shoots and ruptures the flotation bags that hold the buildings above water. Um didn't know that was a thing. I didn't either. I was like, he paused the movie and I was like, what the fuzz is that? Is this what's holding up Venice right now? I don't, I think I'm maybe I'm I'm sure not everything is, but maybe like while doing renovations, this is how it is. I don't know, it was awesome. Um, and so he fights with everybody, killing them all essentially. Um, and then uh all this while Vesper is locked in an old elevator and like as the entire building is sinking. Um also during the fights, uh the guy with like the black, one half black, half clear glasses um starts shooting a nail gun at James Bond, and he turns it and shoots it into his bad eye, the old guy, and it's like I love that shit. Yeah. So he tries to save uh Vesper in the locked elevator, but she's unable to, but he's unable to after she decides she's gonna commit suicide by drowning herself. Um and you could tell she's like actually sorry and didn't want anything to happen to you.
SPEAKER_01Rubbed his hand.
SPEAKER_00I know, and it's just like uh so Bond recovers her body and takes her above water, but is unable to revive her because he is terrible at CPR. Does he know she's just no, but like she's been probably dead for like a few minutes. Out of all things in this movie, he and if he can't be like that good at CPR. If he has to be trained, uh he's an MI6 agent, he should be know how to do CPR better than that.
SPEAKER_01The way he was doing it, I was like, bro, like you gotta be breaking that breastbone.
SPEAKER_00He is not trying to rescue her.
SPEAKER_01No, I feel like you really want her to come back.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and she didn't have to die. I've seen the office episode. I know how you're supposed to do CPR.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_00All right, all right. Um, Mr. White, who'd been watching the scene, is seen leaving with a suitcase full of money. So, sitting on a sailboat, he and Vesper had been on vacationing on, Bond talks to M, who informs him that Vesper had a boyfriend who was being held by LeChef's organization, Quantum. She had intended to pay Le Chief off Chief's associates with the money to secure her boyfriend's release. Bond now trusts no one, and M says, good, a lesson learned. He's galvanized now. When Bond calls Vesper a bitch, M tells him that she was giving up the money to save James's life. Like back at the that's why they were both not killed. He was gave up the money to Mr. White to save both their lives. Uh Bond um uh M believes that there are no further leads, that the trail has gone cold for Mr. White. Bond examines Vesper's cell phone and finds the phone number Mr. White, which he theorized she left for him on purpose. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, oh, Vesper is actually a good person. So at Lake Como in northern Italy, White arrives at a uh his estate. After he exits his car, he receives a phone call from someone telling him they need to talk, asking who the caller is. White is suddenly shot in the leg by a sniper. He falls to the ground, crawls towards the house as he tries to climb the stairs and the familiar Bond
The Point Of Casino Royale
SPEAKER_00theme begins to play. Bond appears carrying a cell phone and a rifle. As White looks up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00As White looks up defiantly, Bond says, The name's Bond. James Bond.
SPEAKER_01Yes!
SPEAKER_00Yes! Yes! Do it! Bond. So I love this movie. This movie fucking rips. And while doing this, I've decided that we're gonna do all the Daniel Craig movies eventually. So even the ones that I think aren't the best, but they're all still very enjoyable to watch. So I think we should do it. And you know, usually when we do the good, the bad, the ugly, almost never have anything to say about the bad. So I can have some things to say about them. Put that in that category when we do them. Um, but before we continue on, Jason, what's the point of the movie?
SPEAKER_01Uh James Bond is back, page.
SPEAKER_00Bond's back, baby. So um, I put it's like it's to show the origin of James Bond, which I don't think we really had or that I've seen ever. No, not that I know. I wanted to show you a raw, ruthless, but emotional bond and how the emotional part gets ripped from him. Also, it's a mu movie trying to humani it's a movie trying to hu humanize Bond. I need a movie that magnanimous of him. Teaches me how to talk. So yeah, that's what I think pretty much the point is. Just trying to like it really does a great job of giving an origin to a new bond. Yeah. Which in the 2000s we got a billion origin stories. And they all kind of pretty much worked, except for like Daredevil.
SPEAKER_01Like, can we just start the whole timeline over with the new Bond movies? Like post- they're going to.
SPEAKER_00I think they already got a new Bond cast. I can't remember who though.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we're like, we're using like current era right now. We can we use A B, like after Bond.
SPEAKER_00Good one, Jason. Oh man. People are really like that. Was a good one. All right, let's hit up
The Good Bad Ugly Fine
SPEAKER_00our next category. The good, the bad, the ugly, the fine. It's where we discussed the good of the film. Something we liked, something bad, something we didn't like, the ugly, something we didn't think aged well, the fine, something that didn't age well. The good. DC baby. Daniel Craig.
SPEAKER_01I like how that they kind of did a reversal on all bonds.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, they did his origin. They did even in the opening credits scene, they kind of saved the whole like down the barrel bullet thing to the end of this sequence rather than at the very beginning. They gave him a woman that he didn't immediately fuck. Yeah. Which is great.
SPEAKER_00Twice. He gave him two women he didn't immediately fuck.
SPEAKER_01He was so pent up he had to do spy shit.
SPEAKER_00I feel bad for Vesper. I mean, dang that first shoot had to blow her against the wall.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. Oh god. And then I like how they the villain wasn't a fucking mad scientist trying to drown the world and like semen.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's extremely realistic. It was just like, I want money.
SPEAKER_01Yes. I want a lot of money. It felt very grounded and and cool, and that's the that was my Well Jason.
SPEAKER_00That's over for the Bond Made. Things get a well, I think like the next one, it's not super crazy, but you know, like I feel like with Skyfall there's it's still grounded, but there is more of the I'm the villain and I'm gonna leave you here and I'm gonna tell you my plan.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00But because it's Harvey Javier Bardem, it's just like fuck So good. For the bad, I got nothing, man. I mean, if anything, it's just like I don't know, nothing.
SPEAKER_01He kind of looks like a turtle sometimes, Daniel Craig. Yeah. He's got that long neck, like it's sticking out of a shell.
SPEAKER_00Well a little bit. Good thing you're not turtly enough for the turtle club, Jason. Because you're not invited with me and Daniel Craig there. Oh man, now I have now I'm just literally thinking of go ninja, go ninja, go. Cool. I should we should we need to do the mutant teenage mutant ninja turtles. At least that first one. We're loving it. Go ninja, go ninja, go. So for the ugly, I put cell phone use. Um no, it's just like these all like I mean, I don't know what phone brand was put in this movie for advertisement and gave them a lot of money, but they're like the ugliest phones. They're around. No, I mean I say it's ugly, but also kind of loved like um, you know, all the little features we used to have on phones, like whatever phone this one was, it was like handshake was like a feature. And I was like, what type of feature on this phone is that? But you could tell because he specifically went went down to handshake, which was the only weird thing to put in. I'm like, well, that was obviously put in by the phone manufacturer, and they're like, hey, make sure to use handshake. Um, which is kind of fun, but it's just like I think the uh the 3DS had that feature. Really? Yeah, I don't know. You know, actually, I don't actually think the cell phone uses that ugly, but it's hard to find things that are there is it, but it's just like seeing old phones with it's just like maybe maybe they should have had a little advanced tech for the phone.
SPEAKER_01Maybe just like like one unique advanced gadget for the movie. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because you didn't really see that, and that's kind of a Bond thing for like as long as Bond.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, really the only unique thing is the tracking device in the whole movie.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but that's in terms of like gadgety stuff.
SPEAKER_00I guess. And then a defibrillator and just.
SPEAKER_01Like his car didn't even have like an oil spill feature. Yeah. What the fuck? It's like, where was the parachute function? Who's making these Aston Martins now? Um the battery's starting to go down.
SPEAKER_00Let's do it. So the fine uh Bond will never die, baby. You can't. Also, Martin keeps having children with all these women. Yeah. I've recently watched Vertical Limit and now this. So Martin Campbell on the rise in my books, baby. Nice. Love that guy. But and then, yeah, and Daniel Craig, you know. Eva Green, fantastic, always good, whatever she does. Yeah. Um, anything else for the fun? I pretty much said the whole movie.
SPEAKER_01It's good. It's good.
SPEAKER_00Um, all right, next category,
Double Features And Next Week Tease
SPEAKER_00double feature. What we recommend a movie to go alongside this movie. What do you got, Jason?
SPEAKER_01Uh, one of my favorite scenes of any spy movie ever is in The Kingsman with all the people in church kill each other. So watch that. That is a sick scene. Yeah. Love it. It's that like classic. Like I wish I could have been in that room. I would have been cheering from the rafters. Jason has feelings about the church.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Um, and I put true lies directed by a James Cameron starring Jamie Lee Curtis and Arnold.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It is nothing like it's like Jamie Lee Curtis. It's like, what's an American bond? Um, a buffed out uh machine of a man. They do the tango, and he can barely talk.
SPEAKER_01Oh man, that scene when they do the tango is so sexually uh just I I remember watching this as a kid and being my parents used to always like sh cover my eyes.
SPEAKER_00And I was like, whoa, the Halloween girl. So, Jason, that is the conclusion of Casino Royale. And you know, it's time to get back in the car, Jason. Oh no, because we're hanging out with family again, because we're doing John Singleton's Too Fast, Too Furious, baby, and they named it that because it's the second one of the series, so too fast, and honestly, the least um confusing title in the entire franchise. What about Tokyo Drift? Well, yeah, but when does that take place? It could be fourth, fifth, or sixth. Um, and then you got fast and furious, and then I think Faster and Furious. And then that's the fourth one. Then you got Fast Five. That one's kind of easy because it's the fifth one. Then you got The Fast and The Furious. Oh, we just added the Yeah, you added you added the to the Furious. And then you got Furious Seven. That's the seventh one. Yeah, and then Fate of the Furious. That's the eighth one. Because it rhymes with eight. Eight, yeah. And then F9. I don't know. It rhymes, it's not just like let's take all the letters out. And then uh Fast X, which is like what every phone company does. All right, we gotta end this.
Fan Mail And Signoff
SPEAKER_00Hey, our battery's running out, so join us for Too Fast Too Furious. Leave us some fan mail. Link in the description at the top. If you can click it, sometimes some places you can't. If not, at the bottom, we recommend mailbag at gmail.com. If you're on YouTube, do that, bitch. Um thank you. I could sorry I called you that.
SPEAKER_02Please leave us some good reviews.
SPEAKER_00Really gotta hurry. We don't do anything with social media. Thank you, Joey Proster, for intro and outro music. Um, you can follow my next at Mr. Joey Proster. I've been Jesse. I've been Jessie. Jesse Bond. Uh I like my podcast shake it, not start. Bye!
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