Wait — This Isn’t What I Worried About! – What She Said #15 – Week 3, Day 5

TODAY'S TREASURE

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope…

Psalm 130:5

Transcript

What She Said #15

Wait — This Isn’t What I Worried About!

Guest Writer, Julie Harbeson

Today’s Treasure

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope…

Psalm 130:5

I have struggled with health anxiety for years. If I had a bad headache, I was convinced it was a brain tumor. Twinge in my chest? Must be a heart attack. I knew it was unlikely, but I felt helpless to stop the barrage of thoughts that constantly assaulted my mind whenever I wasn’t feeling 100%.

Through the years (and thanks to Christian counseling and medication), I’ve come to a more stable place. I can have the sniffles without feeling the need to rush to the ER. God usually lets us wrestle with our fears for a season because He wants us to grow to hate them. Could he have completely healed my thoughts immediately? Of course! But if that had happened, I would have been robbed of the opportunity to flex my faith muscles to grow to be more like Jesus.

My health anxiety fears came to a head in the late summer of 2023. A routine mammogram led to a callback for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound. That second appointment turned into a breast biopsy. And that breast biopsy turned into a phone call telling me that I had breast cancer. After I got over the initial shock, I was angry! WAIT, Lord!!! I never worried about CANCER!!! How could something I NEVER worried about be happening?

In my foolishness, I believed the lie that I was in control of my life. Behind the scenes, God was working on setting up blessing after blessing that wouldn’t have happened without a cancer diagnosis. Because He is a loving and generous God, He provided so many people from the body of Christ to help grow my faith and diminish my fear during this time.

One thing that was impressed upon me through this time was the art of waiting well. Today’s verse from Psalm 130 was my “get through cancer” verse:

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word, I hope.  

There was so much waiting through this process. Waiting for test results, waiting for treatment, waiting for doctors, waiting for procedures. Immediately following my diagnosis, I told my husband I wanted to drive up to the hospital and demand they just cut my breast off! (Note: my husband argued for restraint in this matter.) I didn’t want to wait! I wanted the cancer gone! But in devotionals I read, and in encouragement from others, this verse kept coming back. I stopped and pondered it.

I wait for the LORD — None of this was my plan; this was from the Lord. He brought me to this point in my life, and I needed to wait on Him to see how He was going to use it.

My soul waits — This waiting had to be deeper than appearing patient. I needed to feel this season of waiting in my soul — and be okay with it.

And in his word, I hope. — Everything else was going to fail me, but God’s Word would not. I could hope in His Word. I couldn’t hope for a cure. I couldn’t hope for a favorable outcome. I couldn’t hope to be miraculously better. I could hope in His Word.

After coming to this deep peace, I was able to rejoice and be thankful in my situation. I would have much preferred a life WITHOUT cancer, but the blessings that flowed from this time of trial still strengthen me now — close to three years later. We can’t control our circumstances, but we can control our attitudes in those circumstances. An attitude of waiting on the Lord will produce thankful hearts.

LIFE-GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT

In what area of your life is God calling you to wait? How can you hope in His Word while you wait?

PRAYER 

Father, thank You for Your word that is always with us. It gives us hope and strengthens us as we wait on You. Amen.