{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":5.653,"endTime":7.02,"body":"Check one, two."},{"startTime":14.008,"endTime":16.852,"body":"Check one two, check one two, check one two."},{"startTime":29.357,"endTime":31.437,"body":"Check one two, check one two."},{"startTime":36.065,"endTime":36.966,"body":"Hey, welcome back guys."},{"startTime":36.966,"endTime":40.128,"body":"My name is Danny Dumas and this is the earn your title podcast."},{"startTime":40.128,"endTime":44.232,"body":"Today we've, we're going to talk about bullying because school is coming up."},{"startTime":44.232,"endTime":54.199,"body":"And a lot of times when we mentioned, you know, bullying, it is in the context of wanting"},{"startTime":44.232,"endTime":54.199,"body":"our kids to avoid being bullied."},{"startTime":54.28,"endTime":58.072,"body":"And this is a, it is a problem."},{"startTime":58.253,"endTime":65.068,"body":"I don't know if epidemic is the right word, but it is, it is definitely something that's"},{"startTime":58.253,"endTime":65.068,"body":"increasing this fact that our kids are"},{"startTime":65.548,"endTime":68.748,"body":"You know, they're experiencing stress that we didn't."},{"startTime":68.748,"endTime":74.488,"body":"And I think growing up, we all had, you know, the person you would describe as the bully"},{"startTime":68.748,"endTime":74.488,"body":"in your class."},{"startTime":74.548,"endTime":77.718,"body":"And that was uncomfortable and that was not enjoyable."},{"startTime":77.718,"endTime":87.508,"body":"But what has changed is that when I went home and, know, when I was, you know, 1995, when"},{"startTime":77.718,"endTime":87.508,"body":"I was 15 and I went home, I was away."},{"startTime":87.508,"endTime":89.168,"body":"I escaped the bully."},{"startTime":89.168,"endTime":90.828,"body":"I got away from them."},{"startTime":90.828,"endTime":94.942,"body":"And now our kids through social media, it's a nonstop."},{"startTime":94.942,"endTime":101.356,"body":"every single day, every hour, every minute, they have the potential to be getting bullied."},{"startTime":101.617,"endTime":105.819,"body":"And so we spend a lot of time on teaching our kids how to deal with bullies and do all"},{"startTime":101.617,"endTime":105.819,"body":"this."},{"startTime":105.819,"endTime":108.12,"body":"And that's not what I'm going to talk about today."},{"startTime":108.341,"endTime":113.824,"body":"I'm going to talk about how do we prevent our kids from being the ones that are bullies."},{"startTime":114.025,"endTime":117.447,"body":"And this is something that I don't think a lot of us want to think about."},{"startTime":117.447,"endTime":123.881,"body":"They don't want to think that it could be our kid is the kid that's giving, you know, is"},{"startTime":117.447,"endTime":123.881,"body":"ruining the day or the life."},{"startTime":123.881,"endTime":125.171,"body":"of somebody else."},{"startTime":125.171,"endTime":135.034,"body":"But I think it's really, really important that we have some discussions about what it is"},{"startTime":125.171,"endTime":135.034,"body":"to, what it means to be a bully and what that actually looks like."},{"startTime":135.034,"endTime":150.079,"body":"And the first thing I think as parents, we need to realize is that once you get to the"},{"startTime":135.034,"endTime":150.079,"body":"point where your kids are leaving your home for extended periods of time, you don't know"},{"startTime":150.079,"endTime":152.239,"body":"exactly the kind of person they are."},{"startTime":152.296,"endTime":161.152,"body":"Now you can hope and you can wish and you can dream and you can have put a lot of work"},{"startTime":152.296,"endTime":161.152,"body":"into making your kids good, kind, caring, moral people."},{"startTime":161.533,"endTime":171.761,"body":"But when they have a chance to get into high school, you know, maybe middle school and"},{"startTime":161.533,"endTime":171.761,"body":"they go away from you for extended periods of time, they can start to act and talk and do"},{"startTime":171.761,"endTime":175.394,"body":"things that you would be appalled or that would be very disappointing."},{"startTime":175.394,"endTime":182.389,"body":"And you have to realize that your kid could be the bully that and that's the start as a"},{"startTime":175.394,"endTime":182.389,"body":"parent to realize"},{"startTime":182.471,"endTime":185.142,"body":"that it could be your kid."},{"startTime":185.682,"endTime":190.334,"body":"My wife works at a school and she's always amazed at when she'll make contact."},{"startTime":190.334,"endTime":191.635,"body":"It might not even be bullying."},{"startTime":191.635,"endTime":193.436,"body":"It could be like failing a class or something."},{"startTime":193.436,"endTime":196.927,"body":"She'll make contact with a parent and they're just like, there's no way."},{"startTime":196.927,"endTime":199.058,"body":"And they'll have something that's obvious."},{"startTime":199.058,"endTime":201.219,"body":"they're, I don't know, let's call it bullying."},{"startTime":201.219,"endTime":205.141,"body":"There'll be one kid that takes another kid and shoves them in the locker and knocks them"},{"startTime":201.219,"endTime":205.141,"body":"down."},{"startTime":205.141,"endTime":206.621,"body":"And they've got it on video."},{"startTime":206.621,"endTime":207.322,"body":"Everything's on video."},{"startTime":207.322,"endTime":208.372,"body":"There's video cameras everywhere."},{"startTime":208.372,"endTime":210.537,"body":"And they tell a parent and they say,"},{"startTime":210.537,"endTime":212.878,"body":"You know, your son was involved in an altercation today."},{"startTime":212.878,"endTime":216.82,"body":"He pushed someone and they fell down and they were crying."},{"startTime":216.82,"endTime":219.061,"body":"And they would say, there's no way my son did that."},{"startTime":219.682,"endTime":222.153,"body":"It's like, ma 'am, we have it on video."},{"startTime":222.153,"endTime":223.524,"body":"Well, they must've done something to him."},{"startTime":223.524,"endTime":224.645,"body":"And that could be true, right?"},{"startTime":224.645,"endTime":226.626,"body":"That very possibly could be true."},{"startTime":226.626,"endTime":231.368,"body":"But you can't assume that your kids are going to be perfect."},{"startTime":231.368,"endTime":233.019,"body":"One, that's unreasonable."},{"startTime":233.421,"endTime":234.903,"body":"There's no kid that's going to live up to that."},{"startTime":234.903,"endTime":235.723,"body":"They're going to fail."},{"startTime":235.723,"endTime":238.136,"body":"My son and both daughters are going to fail."},{"startTime":238.136,"endTime":240.568,"body":"They're just going to do things that disappoint me."},{"startTime":240.568,"endTime":243.15,"body":"I need to kind of be ready for that."},{"startTime":243.19,"endTime":253.579,"body":"And when you hear that, when you get feedback from a teacher or administrator, your first"},{"startTime":243.19,"endTime":253.579,"body":"thing can't be to say, there's no way."},{"startTime":254.46,"endTime":256.322,"body":"That's part of the failure."},{"startTime":256.322,"endTime":259.078,"body":"If you don't think your kids can do wrong,"},{"startTime":259.078,"endTime":260.539,"body":"you have failed as a parent."},{"startTime":260.539,"endTime":270.654,"body":"You haven't been paying attention because I, if you look back in your life as when you"},{"startTime":260.539,"endTime":270.654,"body":"were a teenager, ask yourself, were there things that you did said were a part of that"},{"startTime":270.654,"endTime":276.957,"body":"your parents had no idea and probably would have been disappointed if they knew you did"},{"startTime":270.654,"endTime":276.957,"body":"that?"},{"startTime":276.957,"endTime":282.88,"body":"I know that was true for me because my parents, listen, I will not be divulging my"},{"startTime":276.957,"endTime":282.88,"body":"secrets."},{"startTime":282.88,"endTime":288.673,"body":"But I know there's things that like, man, if they knew I, you know, I was part of that,"},{"startTime":282.88,"endTime":288.673,"body":"I'd probably be disappointed."},{"startTime":289.031,"endTime":293.174,"body":"So the first thing we need to do as a parent is realize one, that our kids aren't perfect."},{"startTime":293.174,"endTime":299.298,"body":"Two, that if they are part of a bullying or they're doing something, it doesn't mean"},{"startTime":293.174,"endTime":299.298,"body":"they're terrible kids."},{"startTime":299.298,"endTime":304.521,"body":"It just means they're small, young humans that are trying to grow up and figure out life."},{"startTime":304.662,"endTime":306.673,"body":"It's not a direct reflection on you."},{"startTime":306.673,"endTime":308.234,"body":"And I think that's where some of it comes from."},{"startTime":308.234,"endTime":310.766,"body":"Like you get the phone call, hey, your son was involved in a fight."},{"startTime":310.766,"endTime":314.799,"body":"And the first thing you think of is there's no way he was responsible for it."},{"startTime":314.799,"endTime":316.79,"body":"There's no way he was the aggressor."},{"startTime":317.658,"endTime":319.599,"body":"That's the wrong mentality."},{"startTime":319.599,"endTime":322.84,"body":"The mentality is, okay, is my son okay?"},{"startTime":322.84,"endTime":323.69,"body":"My daughter okay?"},{"startTime":323.69,"endTime":325.321,"body":"Is the other person okay?"},{"startTime":325.321,"endTime":327.402,"body":"Let's go in and talk about it."},{"startTime":327.402,"endTime":334.845,"body":"If you come in to the school office and you're instantly defensed, there's no way my son,"},{"startTime":327.402,"endTime":334.845,"body":"you don't know what happened."},{"startTime":334.845,"endTime":337.345,"body":"You don't know what your kids are capable of."},{"startTime":337.426,"endTime":343.608,"body":"So just reel it back and go in there with a open mind that something happened."},{"startTime":343.608,"endTime":346.359,"body":"There's probably, you know,"},{"startTime":346.404,"endTime":352.015,"body":"both kids, if it's two kids, they both probably had something to do with the problem."},{"startTime":352.015,"endTime":356.686,"body":"They were both instigators at some point, you know, and just have an open mind."},{"startTime":356.686,"endTime":361.578,"body":"I think that's the start as parents is we need to have an open mind that our kids are not"},{"startTime":356.686,"endTime":361.578,"body":"perfect."},{"startTime":361.578,"endTime":367.319,"body":"They're going to mess up and don't assume that it's automatically the other person's"},{"startTime":361.578,"endTime":367.319,"body":"fault."},{"startTime":367.319,"endTime":369.249,"body":"Now don't assume it's your kid's fault either."},{"startTime":369.249,"endTime":370.45,"body":"Like go in and gather data."},{"startTime":370.45,"endTime":376.141,"body":"I think that's the point is, you know, I think Reagan said trust, but verify if your kid's"},{"startTime":370.45,"endTime":376.141,"body":"saying something."},{"startTime":376.237,"endTime":383.944,"body":"you know, hear them, believe what they're saying is true, and then go verify it because"},{"startTime":376.237,"endTime":383.944,"body":"teenagers can be manipulative."},{"startTime":383.944,"endTime":387.207,"body":"You know, they can, they can, they're smart, they're intelligent."},{"startTime":387.207,"endTime":388.708,"body":"They'll say what they need to say."},{"startTime":388.708,"endTime":390.369,"body":"So go verify."},{"startTime":390.57,"endTime":394.773,"body":"The second thing is, is we need to equip our kids."},{"startTime":394.794,"endTime":403.041,"body":"And I'm gonna, I'm probably gonna talk more about sons because I'm still raising"},{"startTime":394.794,"endTime":403.041,"body":"daughters, but I was, I went through the full, you know,"},{"startTime":403.254,"endTime":404.675,"body":"young man to manhood."},{"startTime":404.675,"endTime":407.186,"body":"I understand that side a little more."},{"startTime":407.186,"endTime":415.821,"body":"We need to equip them with what does it look like to be a bully and what actions are"},{"startTime":407.186,"endTime":415.821,"body":"bullying versus what are just normal interactions."},{"startTime":415.821,"endTime":428.418,"body":"And I know in the world of men that sarcasm and making fun of and even some physicalness,"},{"startTime":415.821,"endTime":428.418,"body":"know, pushing and fighting that is completely normal and good and acceptable."},{"startTime":428.919,"endTime":431.06,"body":"And I think in the"},{"startTime":431.64,"endTime":444.204,"body":"and our school administration because of just the atmosphere that there currently is,"},{"startTime":431.64,"endTime":444.204,"body":"there's a zero tolerance for lots of things that are just very masculine or boyish."},{"startTime":444.204,"endTime":453.627,"body":"You know, it would be nothing for me and my friends to walk down the hallway and my buddy"},{"startTime":444.204,"endTime":453.627,"body":"kicks the back of my foot and then I kick to my foot and I fall over and I turn around and"},{"startTime":453.627,"endTime":454.547,"body":"I shove."},{"startTime":455.881,"endTime":457.622,"body":"And we both laughed the whole time."},{"startTime":457.622,"endTime":460.904,"body":"I fell and then because he's laughing at me, I pushed him in the locker."},{"startTime":460.904,"endTime":462.114,"body":"He hits the locker."},{"startTime":462.114,"endTime":463.095,"body":"He laughs."},{"startTime":463.095,"endTime":469.608,"body":"Now, if you look on that on video with no sound, no audio, it looks like, hey, these two"},{"startTime":463.095,"endTime":469.608,"body":"guys are fighting."},{"startTime":469.608,"endTime":470.799,"body":"They just got into a fight."},{"startTime":470.799,"endTime":473.68,"body":"There's a zero tolerance policy and fighting."},{"startTime":473.82,"endTime":475.601,"body":"I don't fully agree with that."},{"startTime":475.601,"endTime":482.234,"body":"think boys interact physically, you know, or girls are probably going to speak more."},{"startTime":482.234,"endTime":485.997,"body":"They're going to be, you know, I think girls can be a little more harsh."},{"startTime":485.997,"endTime":487.868,"body":"because they do use words, right?"},{"startTime":487.868,"endTime":493.251,"body":"And those words can really sting where something physical, it happens and it's done."},{"startTime":493.272,"endTime":499.025,"body":"So you need to talk to your sons about what does bullying look like?"},{"startTime":499.025,"endTime":501.317,"body":"What kind of interactions can you have?"},{"startTime":501.317,"endTime":514.836,"body":"And the way that I've determined to help my son determine like that interaction of whether"},{"startTime":501.317,"endTime":514.836,"body":"you are insulting somebody or whether you're just having fun is to teach them the power"},{"startTime":514.836,"endTime":515.776,"body":"balance."},{"startTime":516.108,"endTime":524.504,"body":"For instance, if he's with one of his best friends and they're the same age and they're"},{"startTime":516.108,"endTime":524.504,"body":"the same size and they're making fun of each other back and forth about, you know, I don't"},{"startTime":524.504,"endTime":535.161,"body":"know, one guy, you know, he's got, you know, look at all the zits on his face and then he"},{"startTime":524.504,"endTime":535.161,"body":"makes fun of, he makes fun, my son gets made fun of for, you know, you know, not being"},{"startTime":535.161,"endTime":538.534,"body":"able to read the word on the board and that's fine."},{"startTime":538.534,"endTime":540.004,"body":"They're at equal playing."},{"startTime":540.004,"endTime":544.027,"body":"They are in the same and they have a relationship."},{"startTime":544.237,"endTime":545.588,"body":"There's no power imbalance."},{"startTime":545.588,"endTime":547.54,"body":"There's no relationship imbalance."},{"startTime":547.54,"endTime":548.361,"body":"That is fine."},{"startTime":548.361,"endTime":549.922,"body":"And then I encourage them to do that."},{"startTime":549.922,"endTime":553.986,"body":"Where I work at the fire department, we speak sarcasm."},{"startTime":553.986,"endTime":556.448,"body":"It is our first language, not even the second language."},{"startTime":556.448,"endTime":560.16,"body":"And you come into the room and guys will just start making fun of you."},{"startTime":560.16,"endTime":561.913,"body":"And it's awesome."},{"startTime":561.913,"endTime":563.714,"body":"And you make fun of them."},{"startTime":563.714,"endTime":565.606,"body":"it's weird, right?"},{"startTime":565.606,"endTime":569.099,"body":"Because we're insulting each other, but it shows that we love them."},{"startTime":569.099,"endTime":571.541,"body":"In fact, when we get new guys,"},{"startTime":571.669,"endTime":572.819,"body":"You know, guys will give them a hard time."},{"startTime":572.819,"endTime":573.69,"body":"They're feeling them out."},{"startTime":573.69,"endTime":579.132,"body":"They'll make, you know, they'll tease them a little bit, but they don't go hard on the new"},{"startTime":573.69,"endTime":579.132,"body":"guys for a little while."},{"startTime":579.132,"endTime":589.506,"body":"If they like the person, if they, you know, enjoy being around them, you'll see the level"},{"startTime":579.132,"endTime":589.506,"body":"of criticism and making fun of increase rapidly because they like this person and it's"},{"startTime":589.506,"endTime":592.397,"body":"them being open, right?"},{"startTime":592.397,"endTime":593.307,"body":"Being vulnerable."},{"startTime":593.307,"endTime":597.789,"body":"Cause you know, in this day and litigious society, you are opening up yourself."},{"startTime":597.789,"endTime":601.108,"body":"If you're making, especially at work, if you're making fun of somebody, there's"},{"startTime":601.108,"endTime":602.229,"body":"danger there, right?"},{"startTime":602.229,"endTime":605.881,"body":"So to do that, you're actually saying, Hey, I trust you."},{"startTime":605.881,"endTime":608.713,"body":"I, I, I love you."},{"startTime":608.713,"endTime":609.544,"body":"You're my friend."},{"startTime":609.544,"endTime":611.235,"body":"I'm going to make fun of you."},{"startTime":611.235,"endTime":612.756,"body":"You can make fun of me and we're all okay."},{"startTime":612.756,"endTime":614.797,"body":"This is a big, you know, community."},{"startTime":614.797,"endTime":615.858,"body":"It's good."},{"startTime":615.898,"endTime":624.784,"body":"Well, with your son, you need to teach them that there's in probably your daughter too,"},{"startTime":615.898,"endTime":624.784,"body":"that there's, long as there's balance and there's a relationship that, that the teasing"},{"startTime":624.784,"endTime":626.125,"body":"and make fun is totally fine."},{"startTime":626.125,"endTime":629.555,"body":"Where it's not fine is where there's a power and balance."},{"startTime":629.555,"endTime":634.426,"body":"And that power imbalance could just be someone's much, you're much bigger than somebody"},{"startTime":629.555,"endTime":634.426,"body":"else."},{"startTime":634.426,"endTime":644.549,"body":"So if they're, if you're in the same grade and your son has hit puberty and he is playing"},{"startTime":634.426,"endTime":644.549,"body":"football and there is another kid the same age, hasn't gone through puberty, it's not an"},{"startTime":644.549,"endTime":648.199,"body":"athlete and there's something, there's physicality there."},{"startTime":648.199,"endTime":654.411,"body":"know, your friend trips the kid, that's bullying because there's a, it's a difference in"},{"startTime":648.199,"endTime":654.411,"body":"power, right?"},{"startTime":654.411,"endTime":655.621,"body":"It's a difference."},{"startTime":655.621,"endTime":659.111,"body":"And when you're coming at somebody from a position of authority,"},{"startTime":659.111,"endTime":663.802,"body":"or of power, it's no longer funny because you have more power than they."},{"startTime":663.802,"endTime":665.953,"body":"You're not on an equal playing field."},{"startTime":665.953,"endTime":668.514,"body":"It could be age, right?"},{"startTime":668.514,"endTime":676.116,"body":"An older person saying something to a younger person can be bullying, where the younger"},{"startTime":668.514,"endTime":676.116,"body":"person saying something to the older person is not."},{"startTime":676.116,"endTime":679.657,"body":"Like, you know, my nephew is awesome."},{"startTime":679.657,"endTime":681.197,"body":"Hudson just loves life."},{"startTime":681.197,"endTime":685.55,"body":"He is so much fun and he can rib at my older son."},{"startTime":685.55,"endTime":686.23,"body":"all the time."},{"startTime":686.23,"endTime":690.292,"body":"He can just go at him and you know make fun of him and that's fine."},{"startTime":690.292,"endTime":696.215,"body":"He can't bully my older son because my son's bigger than him, he's stronger than him, he's"},{"startTime":690.292,"endTime":696.215,"body":"more mature than he is."},{"startTime":696.215,"endTime":697.035,"body":"That's not bullying."},{"startTime":697.035,"endTime":699.836,"body":"He's just being a you know he's being the young cousin."},{"startTime":700.037,"endTime":708.751,"body":"The other way though because my son is bigger, stronger, and older, if he starts going"},{"startTime":700.037,"endTime":708.751,"body":"after him that could turn into bullying because he's got a power imbalance."},{"startTime":708.751,"endTime":711.702,"body":"So teaching your kids that"},{"startTime":712.219,"endTime":720.055,"body":"when they're interacting with somebody, they really need to be aware of where the power"},{"startTime":712.219,"endTime":720.055,"body":"imbalance is, which takes us back to parenting."},{"startTime":720.055,"endTime":727.861,"body":"And probably the most important aspect of not having our kids becoming bullies is for us"},{"startTime":720.055,"endTime":727.861,"body":"to be the example."},{"startTime":728.582,"endTime":741.492,"body":"And now, like I said, I live in a world at work that is highly, aggressive when it comes"},{"startTime":728.582,"endTime":741.492,"body":"to teasing and making fun of, I mean, we joke about, you know, a guy I work with every"},{"startTime":741.492,"endTime":742.232,"body":"day."},{"startTime":742.237,"endTime":743.657,"body":"a great friend."},{"startTime":743.657,"endTime":747.267,"body":"His dad died when he was young and we make fun of him for that."},{"startTime":747.267,"endTime":748.617,"body":"And he laughs at it."},{"startTime":748.617,"endTime":754.957,"body":"You know, it's been, it's been 20, 30 years and like if he does something and like, that's"},{"startTime":748.617,"endTime":754.957,"body":"okay, you didn't have a dad."},{"startTime":755.017,"endTime":758.457,"body":"And he laughs and he's told us, he's like, makes him easy."},{"startTime":758.457,"endTime":759.857,"body":"actually makes me think about my dad."},{"startTime":759.857,"endTime":761.337,"body":"He's like, it's a good thing."},{"startTime":761.337,"endTime":762.637,"body":"So I do that at work."},{"startTime":762.637,"endTime":765.717,"body":"We make, we, we have a heart and we have a dangerous job."},{"startTime":765.717,"endTime":766.917,"body":"So there's dark humor."},{"startTime":766.917,"endTime":768.017,"body":"There's all these things."},{"startTime":768.017,"endTime":771.524,"body":"I can't bring that home because there's a power imbalance."},{"startTime":771.94,"endTime":774.402,"body":"I really should never be making fun of my kids."},{"startTime":774.402,"endTime":777.484,"body":"And this is something my dad was excellent at."},{"startTime":777.725,"endTime":785.101,"body":"My dad pumped us up, told us he was proud of us, told us how awesome we were and how good"},{"startTime":777.725,"endTime":785.101,"body":"we were."},{"startTime":785.101,"endTime":787.393,"body":"My mom did the same thing, super proud."},{"startTime":787.393,"endTime":794.618,"body":"They never really played the sarcastic, teased us about things, because I think they knew"},{"startTime":787.393,"endTime":794.618,"body":"they were in a position of power."},{"startTime":794.679,"endTime":797.821,"body":"And now that might be a relationship that's normal for you."},{"startTime":797.821,"endTime":800.163,"body":"Like that's how your dad grew up, maybe."},{"startTime":800.283,"endTime":809.583,"body":"You're in the, everyone's got the, the horror story of being in the garage, helping your"},{"startTime":800.283,"endTime":809.583,"body":"dad work on the car and he asked for a wrench and you bring a, you know, you bring a"},{"startTime":809.583,"endTime":811.833,"body":"screwdriver and he berates you for being dumb here."},{"startTime":811.833,"endTime":812.703,"body":"How dumb, how stupid."},{"startTime":812.703,"endTime":814.463,"body":"And I've talked to guys that are like that work."},{"startTime":814.463,"endTime":817.583,"body":"They're like, I'm tough because I had to work on cars with my dad."},{"startTime":817.583,"endTime":822.543,"body":"I, he asked for the five 15 millimeter and I got him the five sixteenths and he went nuts."},{"startTime":823.363,"endTime":825.003,"body":"Use caution with that."},{"startTime":825.003,"endTime":830.57,"body":"You have a power imbalance and you're teaching your kids how to interact."},{"startTime":830.746,"endTime":833.346,"body":"And while that you might not be mean any harm over it."},{"startTime":833.346,"endTime":836.406,"body":"You might say, yeah, this is just how this is just how we react."},{"startTime":836.406,"endTime":841.286,"body":"I would encourage you to dial that back and to maybe zero."},{"startTime":841.286,"endTime":845.126,"body":"I really try not to make fun of my kids ever."},{"startTime":845.126,"endTime":847.116,"body":"Am I am I 100 % on that?"},{"startTime":847.116,"endTime":847.906,"body":"I'm not."},{"startTime":847.906,"endTime":850.276,"body":"And, know, there are some times where it can be fun."},{"startTime":850.276,"endTime":852.336,"body":"I think you can get away with it."},{"startTime":852.336,"endTime":854.946,"body":"But the world is going to beat your kids down."},{"startTime":854.946,"endTime":860.682,"body":"It's not your job to reign them back like my I have three kids."},{"startTime":860.682,"endTime":864.825,"body":"My oldest and youngest, they're pretty confident in everything."},{"startTime":864.825,"endTime":867.387,"body":"My middle child, you know, she's super good at everything."},{"startTime":867.387,"endTime":869.387,"body":"She's not always the most confident."},{"startTime":869.648,"endTime":874.381,"body":"It's not my job to bring, it's not my job to bring the oldest and the youngest down, to"},{"startTime":869.648,"endTime":874.381,"body":"knock them down."},{"startTime":874.381,"endTime":875.312,"body":"The world's gonna do that."},{"startTime":875.312,"endTime":878.634,"body":"They wanna be, you know, they wanna be super confident."},{"startTime":878.634,"endTime":879.304,"body":"Go for it."},{"startTime":879.304,"endTime":880.625,"body":"I'm not gonna knock you down."},{"startTime":880.625,"endTime":882.436,"body":"The world will do that eventually."},{"startTime":883.517,"endTime":888.28,"body":"Plus parents, need to example, we need to set a good example of what being a bully isn't."},{"startTime":888.28,"endTime":889.753,"body":"And that's being patient."},{"startTime":889.753,"endTime":893.663,"body":"and kind and I would encourage you as a dad to dial back the sarcasm."},{"startTime":893.663,"endTime":896.073,"body":"Your kids don't need that from you."},{"startTime":896.273,"endTime":904.853,"body":"Something else that I think is very important and this is different than when we grow up"},{"startTime":896.273,"endTime":904.853,"body":"is the fact that there's a lot of communication that's going on in the form of written"},{"startTime":904.853,"endTime":906.033,"body":"text."},{"startTime":906.193,"endTime":915.593,"body":"And we've all experienced this but our kids I don't think understand completely because"},{"startTime":906.193,"endTime":915.593,"body":"their world can be, especially during the summer when they're not seeing their friends"},{"startTime":915.593,"endTime":918.538,"body":"every day, is almost 100 % through text."},{"startTime":918.646,"endTime":931.883,"body":"And so they're very comfortable sending messages back and forth, but you need to reiterate"},{"startTime":918.646,"endTime":931.883,"body":"the idea that sarcasm and even truth comes through differently when they're texting"},{"startTime":931.883,"endTime":933.323,"body":"something, when they're writing something."},{"startTime":933.323,"endTime":937.345,"body":"It just is not a one -to -one understanding."},{"startTime":937.345,"endTime":941.938,"body":"You can say something that in person, in voice, would be totally appropriate."},{"startTime":941.938,"endTime":946.45,"body":"They would completely understand the context that you're joking and you're just having"},{"startTime":941.938,"endTime":946.45,"body":"fun."},{"startTime":946.45,"endTime":948.631,"body":"You say it through text messaging."},{"startTime":948.844,"endTime":956.03,"body":"Depending on how the other person is feeling whether they're having a good day or a bad"},{"startTime":948.844,"endTime":956.03,"body":"day They can see that as the biggest insult they've ever had in their entire life."},{"startTime":956.03,"endTime":966.718,"body":"They can see that as just being awful and I've really tried to Express one that if my kids"},{"startTime":956.03,"endTime":966.718,"body":"are having an important conversation with a friend maybe things are serious to stop"},{"startTime":966.718,"endTime":972.823,"body":"texting and call and talk because Words just written down through text messages."},{"startTime":972.823,"endTime":978.569,"body":"Just don't have the same weight So if you're in really, you know, I'm teaching my kids if"},{"startTime":972.823,"endTime":978.569,"body":"you're in a relationship with somebody"},{"startTime":978.569,"endTime":988.053,"body":"and it's funny and you're going back and forth, you have to dial back the sarcasm, you"},{"startTime":978.569,"endTime":988.053,"body":"have to dial back the joking through text messaging, because they will not understand."},{"startTime":988.053,"endTime":989.724,"body":"You'll just hear it differently."},{"startTime":989.724,"endTime":997.226,"body":"My son was talking, kind of having an argument with a friend, but they were just having"},{"startTime":989.724,"endTime":997.226,"body":"some difference of opinion, if you could say."},{"startTime":997.527,"endTime":1003.509,"body":"And when he's reading this person's text messages, he would change his voice to annoyed."},{"startTime":1003.509,"endTime":1007.051,"body":"So he said, I said this to her, and then she said, well then leave."},{"startTime":1007.947,"endTime":1009.128,"body":"He changed his voice."},{"startTime":1009.128,"endTime":1015.25,"body":"I said, Levi, you don't know that's the way, you changed your voice to sound annoyed."},{"startTime":1015.53,"endTime":1019.632,"body":"Because you're assuming that the text messages that she sent was her being annoyed."},{"startTime":1019.632,"endTime":1022.253,"body":"And it was really just a short response."},{"startTime":1022.253,"endTime":1025.184,"body":"She just didn't elaborate on what she wanted to say."},{"startTime":1025.184,"endTime":1027.285,"body":"And Levi took that as being annoyed."},{"startTime":1027.285,"endTime":1029.145,"body":"I'm like, Levi, this is very important."},{"startTime":1029.145,"endTime":1032.076,"body":"I'm like, if you're having this, I would encourage you to call her."},{"startTime":1032.076,"endTime":1036.754,"body":"Because right now what you're doing is you're assuming that she's sending you a text"},{"startTime":1032.076,"endTime":1036.754,"body":"message."},{"startTime":1036.754,"endTime":1038.596,"body":"and it's coming across in a certain way."},{"startTime":1038.596,"endTime":1040.227,"body":"And for you right now, that's being annoyed."},{"startTime":1040.227,"endTime":1042.729,"body":"And one of the reasons is because you are annoyed."},{"startTime":1042.729,"endTime":1046.762,"body":"So you're hearing everything is like, this girl's saying these things."},{"startTime":1046.863,"endTime":1058.973,"body":"so it just, letting your kids know that communication through text messaging, through"},{"startTime":1046.863,"endTime":1058.973,"body":"emails is not the greatest way to get good emotional thoughts through."},{"startTime":1058.973,"endTime":1064.337,"body":"Back and forth, chit chatting, but if it all gets serious, one, stop doing it and talk,"},{"startTime":1058.973,"endTime":1064.337,"body":"two,"},{"startTime":1064.337,"endTime":1074.552,"body":"If you can't do that for some reason, if it has to maintain this written communication,"},{"startTime":1064.337,"endTime":1074.552,"body":"realize that you need to dial back the aggressiveness, the words you use, you need to be"},{"startTime":1074.552,"endTime":1079.785,"body":"very clear, which is crazy that sounds, use emojis, you know, cause that does help."},{"startTime":1079.785,"endTime":1086.008,"body":"So just teaching your kids how to effectively communicate, I think is extremely important."},{"startTime":1086.168,"endTime":1093.66,"body":"And I think if we can have an open mind that our kids have the ability to be bullies and"},{"startTime":1086.168,"endTime":1093.66,"body":"we need to continually teach them"},{"startTime":1093.66,"endTime":1103.305,"body":"educate them, talk to them, understand that if there's something going on in your personal"},{"startTime":1093.66,"endTime":1103.305,"body":"life, if you're going through a divorce, if you have a family member that's sick, when you"},{"startTime":1103.305,"endTime":1108.648,"body":"bring the stress levels up, your kids can respond negatively to that and equip them with"},{"startTime":1103.305,"endTime":1108.648,"body":"that."},{"startTime":1108.648,"endTime":1116.542,"body":"Let them know, hey, listen, know, know, grandma's sick right now and we're all very"},{"startTime":1108.648,"endTime":1116.542,"body":"stressed out and maybe the parents, as a parent, you're gone, you're to the hospital a"},{"startTime":1116.542,"endTime":1117.252,"body":"lot."},{"startTime":1117.566,"endTime":1125.598,"body":"Just really, tell your kids, when you go to school and you're in a high stress situation,"},{"startTime":1117.566,"endTime":1125.598,"body":"realize that you might not react the way you want to and you really have to pay attention."},{"startTime":1125.598,"endTime":1134.1,"body":"To give them the tool, just to give them the thought that, I am stressed out, I am"},{"startTime":1125.598,"endTime":1134.1,"body":"worried, and maybe the way that I interact with my friends or my teachers is not the right"},{"startTime":1134.1,"endTime":1141.922,"body":"way, that, just that alone can be enough to change them from being bullies to just saying,"},{"startTime":1134.1,"endTime":1141.922,"body":"hey, I'm stressed out, I need to take a break."},{"startTime":1141.922,"endTime":1146.663,"body":"So giving your kids these tools, I think, will go a long ways towards"},{"startTime":1147.795,"endTime":1149.776,"body":"You know, getting rid of the bully problem."},{"startTime":1149.776,"endTime":1150.597,"body":"Are we going to?"},{"startTime":1150.597,"endTime":1151.167,"body":"Probably not."},{"startTime":1151.167,"endTime":1152.298,"body":"Social media helping?"},{"startTime":1152.298,"endTime":1153.418,"body":"No, it's not."},{"startTime":1153.418,"endTime":1159.392,"body":"But as a father, as a husband, and as a leader, you can have conversations."},{"startTime":1159.392,"endTime":1163.664,"body":"You can give your kids tools to stop that so they are not part of the problem."},{"startTime":1163.664,"endTime":1168.827,"body":"And I think that's a huge, very important part of parenting is just give them the tools."},{"startTime":1168.827,"endTime":1170.127,"body":"Let them work through it."},{"startTime":1170.127,"endTime":1175.098,"body":"Show them the way they said something, the way they reacted, how that could be perceived."},{"startTime":1175.098,"endTime":1182.622,"body":"And I think you'll be, you you'll be well on your way to having a great kid who's, you"},{"startTime":1175.098,"endTime":1182.622,"body":"know, well adjusted and goes on to do great things in the world."},{"startTime":1182.622,"endTime":1185.423,"body":"Cause I think, you know, as parents, that's what we want."},{"startTime":1185.624,"endTime":1189.646,"body":"And, you know, I hope you found value in this."},{"startTime":1189.986,"endTime":1198.19,"body":"One thing I would like, if you found value in this, or if you had questions about this"},{"startTime":1189.986,"endTime":1198.19,"body":"podcast, or maybe you had something that I missed or you disagreed with, on your podcast"},{"startTime":1198.19,"endTime":1202.193,"body":"player app, there is a little button that said, send a text message."},{"startTime":1202.193,"endTime":1205.036,"body":"It's something they've just built into the software I'm using."},{"startTime":1205.036,"endTime":1205.956,"body":"And it goes right to me."},{"startTime":1205.956,"endTime":1207.307,"body":"I would love to hear from you."},{"startTime":1207.307,"endTime":1212.691,"body":"So click on that button, whatever podcast player using Apple or Spotify, I would love to"},{"startTime":1207.307,"endTime":1212.691,"body":"hear from you."},{"startTime":1212.871,"endTime":1214.132,"body":"Just, you know, I'd like the interaction."},{"startTime":1214.132,"endTime":1215.833,"body":"So hopefully you've enjoyed this."},{"startTime":1215.833,"endTime":1220.556,"body":"My name is Danny Dumas and this is the Earn Your Title Podcast and I will talk to you"},{"startTime":1215.833,"endTime":1220.556,"body":"later."},{"startTime":1220.556,"endTime":1221.436,"body":"Bye."}]}