{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":36.354,"endTime":40.247,"body":"Hey, welcome back my friend or if you're new here, welcome for the first time."},{"startTime":40.247,"endTime":47.563,"body":"My name is Danny Dumas and this is the Earn Your Title Podcast and you're in the right"},{"startTime":40.247,"endTime":47.563,"body":"place if you want to become a better husband, father and leader."},{"startTime":47.844,"endTime":59.894,"body":"Today we're talking about raising boys into men and I haven't read this book yet, but my"},{"startTime":47.844,"endTime":59.894,"body":"sister sent it to me and you know, in Instagram there's a carousel and so there's all"},{"startTime":59.894,"endTime":63.637,"body":"these steps of manhood and the name of the book is The Uprising by Chris Vallotton."},{"startTime":63.637,"endTime":67.559,"body":"and I'm not sure if I'm saying that right, but I will link it in the show notes."},{"startTime":67.559,"endTime":71.642,"body":"It's the epic battle for the most fatherless generation in history."},{"startTime":71.742,"endTime":78.046,"body":"And one of these steps to becoming a man is to be treated as a man."},{"startTime":78.227,"endTime":84.771,"body":"And in order to be treated as a man, you have to allow your sons to fail."},{"startTime":84.831,"endTime":86.672,"body":"And you could say uh daughters as well."},{"startTime":86.672,"endTime":92.916,"body":"I think this probably applies to both, but I'm gonna talk to the sons because I recently"},{"startTime":86.672,"endTime":92.916,"body":"had an experience with my son."},{"startTime":92.989,"endTime":94.83,"body":"And it was so powerful."},{"startTime":94.83,"endTime":99.032,"body":"And I want to, I want to give you this opportunity to do this with your kids."},{"startTime":99.032,"endTime":101.673,"body":"Now my son is 17, he'll be 17."},{"startTime":101.673,"endTime":103.689,"body":"He's moving to that next generation."},{"startTime":103.689,"endTime":115.0,"body":"I think you need to be careful with this in the younger years, ah because they, they may"},{"startTime":103.689,"endTime":115.0,"body":"not handle this as well, but what we let my son do, my wife and myself, what we let him"},{"startTime":115.0,"endTime":117.621,"body":"do, we let him fail."},{"startTime":118.582,"endTime":120.663,"body":"And I know that seems like a bad thing."},{"startTime":121.263,"endTime":122.004,"body":"He failed."},{"startTime":122.004,"endTime":123.169,"body":"How did he fail?"},{"startTime":123.169,"endTime":131.794,"body":"Well, he is going into a senior year of college and he wants to take some extra credit"},{"startTime":123.169,"endTime":131.794,"body":"classes to kind of improve his GPA."},{"startTime":131.794,"endTime":135.795,"body":"And we found out he can go to his local community college for free."},{"startTime":135.816,"endTime":139.197,"body":"And so, you know, in the springtime we talked to his guidance counselor."},{"startTime":139.197,"endTime":140.338,"body":"She set this up."},{"startTime":140.338,"endTime":144.72,"body":"He signs up for a class and we let him do all of it."},{"startTime":144.72,"endTime":147.001,"body":"He's had to get a college email."},{"startTime":147.222,"endTime":149.673,"body":"They only communicate through that email address."},{"startTime":149.673,"endTime":152.074,"body":"We knew what the class was."},{"startTime":152.137,"endTime":156.609,"body":"And you know, in the springtime we kind of, Hey, you know, any news on the class?"},{"startTime":156.609,"endTime":157.437,"body":"We asked him about it."},{"startTime":157.437,"endTime":159.537,"body":"He's like, yeah, it's this day, this day, this day."},{"startTime":159.537,"endTime":164.261,"body":"Well, as it's coming up, we knew it was coming up and we didn't say anything."},{"startTime":164.842,"endTime":167.183,"body":"And the class starts on a Tuesday."},{"startTime":167.183,"endTime":168.443,"body":"Tuesday goes by."},{"startTime":168.443,"endTime":171.764,"body":"My son realizes he completely forgot about the class."},{"startTime":171.764,"endTime":176.826,"body":"He, and one of the reasons he forgot about the class is because he lost his phone,"},{"startTime":171.764,"endTime":176.826,"body":"couldn't find it anywhere."},{"startTime":176.826,"endTime":180.328,"body":"He was actually house sitting, which was, we gave him a chance to get away from our house."},{"startTime":180.328,"endTime":182.088,"body":"He'd been gone for a week."},{"startTime":182.198,"endTime":187.351,"body":"Couldn't find his phone, couldn't access the email, didn't know what room, didn't know"},{"startTime":182.198,"endTime":187.351,"body":"anything, missed the first day."},{"startTime":188.392,"endTime":189.773,"body":"Very upset the next day."},{"startTime":189.773,"endTime":193.195,"body":"He realized, my word, I missed my very first day of college."},{"startTime":193.195,"endTime":195.997,"body":"Some of his friends were like, yeah, if you missed the first day, you're kicked out of"},{"startTime":193.195,"endTime":195.997,"body":"class."},{"startTime":195.997,"endTime":202.501,"body":"And he was not to tears, but you could tell he was emotional that he felt he had messed up"},{"startTime":195.997,"endTime":202.501,"body":"talking to my wife."},{"startTime":203.001,"endTime":205.183,"body":"And we just said, fix it."},{"startTime":205.183,"endTime":207.568,"body":"So he goes to his guidance counselor."},{"startTime":207.568,"endTime":211.5,"body":"And she was able to contact the school to make sure that he wasn't kicked out."},{"startTime":211.5,"endTime":212.121,"body":"He was able to go."},{"startTime":212.121,"endTime":213.002,"body":"He found his phone."},{"startTime":213.002,"endTime":215.454,"body":"Thankfully he gets online."},{"startTime":216.455,"endTime":220.597,"body":"And this is what was awesome about this experience."},{"startTime":220.898,"endTime":221.649,"body":"He gets online."},{"startTime":221.649,"endTime":222.859,"body":"He figures out he can still go."},{"startTime":222.859,"endTime":224.16,"body":"Contacts his professor."},{"startTime":224.16,"endTime":225.802,"body":"Let's let's her know what happened."},{"startTime":225.802,"endTime":234.4,"body":"Then he drives to the college the day before he's supposed to go, finds the classroom,"},{"startTime":225.802,"endTime":234.4,"body":"finds where he's supposed to go so that he's not going to be late."},{"startTime":234.4,"endTime":239.227,"body":"goes and gets the list, goes to the store and purchases the supplies on his own."},{"startTime":239.429,"endTime":241.606,"body":"And you know, he's already had a second class."},{"startTime":241.606,"endTime":243.545,"body":"He'll be going to his third class this week."},{"startTime":245.098,"endTime":246.268,"body":"What an awesome lesson."},{"startTime":246.268,"endTime":248.369,"body":"I am so thankful he failed."},{"startTime":248.369,"endTime":259.793,"body":"I'm so thankful he missed that class because he was irresponsible and he was just, you"},{"startTime":248.369,"endTime":259.793,"body":"know, we just say he lives in a Kuna Matata life, you know, just no worries."},{"startTime":259.914,"endTime":264.375,"body":"And I don't want him to grow up worrying, but I want him to realize that life is going to"},{"startTime":259.914,"endTime":264.375,"body":"happen."},{"startTime":264.375,"endTime":267.696,"body":"And in this book, you know, treat yourself like a man."},{"startTime":267.957,"endTime":274.399,"body":"One of the ways that you do that is by giving them some more responsibility and then"},{"startTime":267.957,"endTime":274.399,"body":"giving them"},{"startTime":274.538,"endTime":277.711,"body":"the consequences."},{"startTime":277.711,"endTime":280.984,"body":"So they suggest taking or rid of his curfew."},{"startTime":280.984,"endTime":283.887,"body":"I think, and I've heard talk to my wife about this, I think that's something we're going"},{"startTime":280.984,"endTime":283.887,"body":"to do."},{"startTime":283.887,"endTime":285.529,"body":"Hey bud, no more curfew, man."},{"startTime":285.529,"endTime":286.74,"body":"You want to stay up to two in the morning?"},{"startTime":286.74,"endTime":290.083,"body":"No big deal, but we're not waking you up in the morning."},{"startTime":291.624,"endTime":292.624,"body":"Give them the consequence."},{"startTime":292.624,"endTime":299.935,"body":"Let them see that life is this push and pull that they get to do something and they"},{"startTime":292.624,"endTime":299.935,"body":"directly are affected by the outcome for good or bad."},{"startTime":299.935,"endTime":308.097,"body":"You know, it would be so easy for when he signed up for college to have him put our email"},{"startTime":299.935,"endTime":308.097,"body":"down and we sign in and we have access to all that."},{"startTime":308.757,"endTime":309.857,"body":"But why?"},{"startTime":309.857,"endTime":311.357,"body":"Because we want them to be successful?"},{"startTime":311.357,"endTime":312.108,"body":"Yeah, absolutely."},{"startTime":312.108,"endTime":313.348,"body":"I want my son to be successful."},{"startTime":313.348,"endTime":320.108,"body":"I want him to make a lot of money, not have any debt, have a beautiful wife, make"},{"startTime":313.348,"endTime":320.108,"body":"beautiful grandbabies, you know, for me to be a great grandpa."},{"startTime":320.108,"endTime":326.248,"body":"I want all that for him, but if he doesn't go after it and if I push that, he actually"},{"startTime":320.108,"endTime":326.248,"body":"didn't get anything."},{"startTime":326.248,"endTime":328.088,"body":"And at some point that's failure."},{"startTime":328.948,"endTime":341.448,"body":"And me and you, you know, I'm 45, our generation is really bad at just straight up snow"},{"startTime":328.948,"endTime":341.448,"body":"plowing every problem out of our kids' lives, never letting them touch disappointment,"},{"startTime":341.448,"endTime":346.228,"body":"never letting them even brush by, you know, consequences."},{"startTime":346.748,"endTime":348.108,"body":"That is terrible."},{"startTime":348.108,"endTime":350.215,"body":"We are doing a disservice."},{"startTime":350.215,"endTime":354.928,"body":"if you do not let your kids fail in the safest way possible."},{"startTime":354.928,"endTime":360.722,"body":"Because with the college, the reason that that's something we picked a hard line to, just"},{"startTime":354.928,"endTime":360.722,"body":"let him handle it."},{"startTime":360.722,"endTime":364.264,"body":"If he didn't do it, he actually didn't lose any money."},{"startTime":364.264,"endTime":365.965,"body":"We didn't lose any money."},{"startTime":365.965,"endTime":369.618,"body":"And we were pretty sure he wasn't gonna lose the opportunity to go to college in the"},{"startTime":365.965,"endTime":369.618,"body":"future."},{"startTime":369.618,"endTime":372.229,"body":"Michigan now has two years of free community college."},{"startTime":372.27,"endTime":374.851,"body":"We were pretty sure by missing one class that wasn't gonna happen."},{"startTime":374.851,"endTime":376.552,"body":"Would we have stepped in?"},{"startTime":376.612,"endTime":379.435,"body":"Probably, I don't know."},{"startTime":379.435,"endTime":380.115,"body":"I don't actually know."},{"startTime":380.115,"endTime":380.895,"body":"don't think it would."},{"startTime":380.895,"endTime":387.375,"body":"If he had failed and he wasn't going to be able to take the class, I think I would have"},{"startTime":380.895,"endTime":387.375,"body":"let him just miss the class completely."},{"startTime":387.375,"endTime":392.775,"body":"I think that would have been the better lesson, but because he went and he was aggressive"},{"startTime":387.375,"endTime":392.775,"body":"and he talked to his professor, he didn't."},{"startTime":392.775,"endTime":394.495,"body":"So it worked out okay."},{"startTime":394.755,"endTime":397.015,"body":"I want you to do that with your, with your kids."},{"startTime":397.015,"endTime":406.055,"body":"Find a situation where they get to read through the quantity, find a situation where they"},{"startTime":397.015,"endTime":406.055,"body":"get to reap the consequences of their effort, good or bad."},{"startTime":406.335,"endTime":407.837,"body":"That's the important part."},{"startTime":407.837,"endTime":412.851,"body":"is if they do the right things, if they're on time, they work hard, they're going to have"},{"startTime":407.837,"endTime":412.851,"body":"good consequences."},{"startTime":412.851,"endTime":417.194,"body":"If they're lazy, if they stay in bed, if they don't do the homework, they're gonna have"},{"startTime":412.851,"endTime":417.194,"body":"negative consequences."},{"startTime":417.215,"endTime":427.343,"body":"Do that right now while they're still in your house under the safety of you supervising,"},{"startTime":417.215,"endTime":427.343,"body":"making sure they're not physically gonna get hurt or get into drugs."},{"startTime":427.343,"endTime":436.28,"body":"There should be some consequences that you don't want them to experience, but the more"},{"startTime":427.343,"endTime":436.28,"body":"consequences that you're like, in reality, it's no big deal, let them do that."},{"startTime":436.651,"endTime":442.234,"body":"You'll let them have the consequences, treat them like the man or the woman that they're"},{"startTime":436.651,"endTime":442.234,"body":"going to become."},{"startTime":442.754,"endTime":445.045,"body":"And it's going to be hard because you're going to be frustrated."},{"startTime":445.045,"endTime":448.997,"body":"You're going to want more out of them than they want out of themselves."},{"startTime":448.997,"endTime":451.339,"body":"But that's a muscle they have to build."},{"startTime":451.339,"endTime":454.94,"body":"Even the desire to be successful, that is not in every kid."},{"startTime":454.94,"endTime":457.102,"body":"Lots of kids want to just be lazy."},{"startTime":457.102,"endTime":457.762,"body":"And that's okay."},{"startTime":457.762,"endTime":459.863,"body":"Lazy is the natural way."},{"startTime":460.263,"endTime":466.108,"body":"But if you can give them that direction, if you can give them maybe the"},{"startTime":466.108,"endTime":466.968,"body":"the guardrails."},{"startTime":466.968,"endTime":471.18,"body":"I like the idea of guardrails that, you know, I'm not, I'm not driving the car for you."},{"startTime":471.18,"endTime":473.161,"body":"You know, you get to go anywhere inside this."},{"startTime":473.161,"endTime":476.842,"body":"Now you're not going to go over here because you're going to fall off a cliff on this"},{"startTime":473.161,"endTime":476.842,"body":"guard rail."},{"startTime":476.842,"endTime":479.383,"body":"If you go over to this guard rail, you're going to hit the mountain."},{"startTime":479.383,"endTime":482.574,"body":"I'm not like, I'm not going to let you get there, but anywhere in between."},{"startTime":482.574,"endTime":487.526,"body":"Now I would prefer you stay in the right lane, not coming oncoming traffic, but anywhere"},{"startTime":482.574,"endTime":487.526,"body":"between is safe."},{"startTime":487.526,"endTime":488.367,"body":"It's okay."},{"startTime":488.367,"endTime":495.099,"body":"The decisions you make aren't going to be the consequences of bad decisions aren't going"},{"startTime":488.367,"endTime":495.099,"body":"to be affecting you 30 years from now."},{"startTime":495.562,"endTime":496.862,"body":"let them go."},{"startTime":497.142,"endTime":504.142,"body":"And you can start in their teenage years with little things and go right up to their"},{"startTime":497.142,"endTime":504.142,"body":"senior year of high school."},{"startTime":504.482,"endTime":507.442,"body":"Let them do almost everything they want to do."},{"startTime":507.442,"endTime":510.902,"body":"My parents, I'm very thankful, were really good at this."},{"startTime":510.902,"endTime":512.882,"body":"By the end, I stopped."},{"startTime":513.342,"endTime":516.362,"body":"They never said, hey, Danny, you no longer have a curfew."},{"startTime":516.362,"endTime":517.782,"body":"But they were very consistent."},{"startTime":517.782,"endTime":520.142,"body":"Like, we just want to know where you're at."},{"startTime":520.422,"endTime":521.834,"body":"And I realized"},{"startTime":521.834,"endTime":526.334,"body":"I may be pushing it a little bit that if I called them said, Hey, you know, my car for you"},{"startTime":521.834,"endTime":526.334,"body":"was midnight."},{"startTime":526.454,"endTime":527.594,"body":"Hey, I'm to be late."},{"startTime":527.594,"endTime":530.874,"body":"I'm staying at a friend's, you know, and we're doing something."},{"startTime":530.874,"endTime":533.174,"body":"It looks like it's probably, I won't be leaving until 1230."},{"startTime":533.174,"endTime":534.014,"body":"You're watching a movie."},{"startTime":534.014,"endTime":535.634,"body":"Okay, but thanks for calling."},{"startTime":535.874,"endTime":538.994,"body":"They gave me a little more leash, a little more leash, a little more leash."},{"startTime":538.994,"endTime":542.834,"body":"And when I bought my own house, when I was 20, I moved out."},{"startTime":542.834,"endTime":544.754,"body":"I didn't even tell my parents."},{"startTime":545.254,"endTime":549.594,"body":"I straight up, I got a realtor and I looked at a bunch of houses."},{"startTime":549.594,"endTime":551.529,"body":"My parents didn't see."},{"startTime":551.529,"endTime":554.569,"body":"the house until I had closed on it."},{"startTime":554.569,"endTime":559.289,"body":"Now looking back, I wish I would have talked to my parents and that probably would have"},{"startTime":554.569,"endTime":559.289,"body":"made better decisions."},{"startTime":559.289,"endTime":562.689,"body":"I probably wouldn't have moved out because my parents are like, why are you moving out?"},{"startTime":562.689,"endTime":566.029,"body":"You, you get to live for free, save your money."},{"startTime":566.029,"endTime":568.049,"body":"That would have been smarter."},{"startTime":568.049,"endTime":569.449,"body":"But my parents didn't do that."},{"startTime":569.449,"endTime":569.749,"body":"Why?"},{"startTime":569.749,"endTime":579.289,"body":"Cause they knew when I was 20, was a legit adult and I had a normal grownup job, but my"},{"startTime":569.749,"endTime":579.289,"body":"parents knew that I need to make these decisions."},{"startTime":579.785,"endTime":584.625,"body":"without their influence too much so that I could grow into the man I am today."},{"startTime":584.625,"endTime":590.405,"body":"And I think them letting me do that, even maybe letting mistakes, like, well, I look back,"},{"startTime":584.625,"endTime":590.405,"body":"I wish I wouldn't have bought a house when I was 20."},{"startTime":590.405,"endTime":591.645,"body":"I guess I was 21."},{"startTime":591.645,"endTime":593.125,"body":"Yeah, I must've been 21."},{"startTime":593.685,"endTime":596.065,"body":"Because I didn't need to."},{"startTime":596.425,"endTime":598.025,"body":"Like, I look at that and I'm like, that was really dumb."},{"startTime":598.025,"endTime":601.225,"body":"I could have saved thousands of dollars a year by not buying a house."},{"startTime":601.225,"endTime":604.805,"body":"But I did that and I learned lots of responsibility."},{"startTime":604.805,"endTime":605.885,"body":"I learned how to fix things."},{"startTime":605.885,"endTime":606.925,"body":"I learned all these things."},{"startTime":606.925,"endTime":609.801,"body":"Let your kids have some real life experiences."},{"startTime":609.801,"endTime":612.981,"body":"Let them do that while they're under the safety of your roof."},{"startTime":612.981,"endTime":614.841,"body":"Let them know that they can."},{"startTime":615.001,"endTime":622.041,"body":"Because I think sometimes, you I know when I was growing up, I had friends that moved out"},{"startTime":615.001,"endTime":622.041,"body":"because their parents said, you can't."},{"startTime":622.041,"endTime":624.401,"body":"And they said, oh yeah, watch me."},{"startTime":624.401,"endTime":630.841,"body":"And it put them in a terrible position because they were being adversarial because their"},{"startTime":624.401,"endTime":630.841,"body":"parents had just micromanaged their life."},{"startTime":630.841,"endTime":636.181,"body":"They said, the moment I turn 18, I am out because you're not going to tell me what to do."},{"startTime":636.281,"endTime":637.861,"body":"That is not what you want."},{"startTime":637.861,"endTime":640.242,"body":"You want your kids to say, I want you to experience life."},{"startTime":640.242,"endTime":643.242,"body":"I want you to make these decisions that I'm always here for you."},{"startTime":643.322,"endTime":644.593,"body":"I am a safe place."},{"startTime":644.593,"endTime":651.254,"body":"So then they're going out and do things not because in spite of you, but because you've"},{"startTime":644.593,"endTime":651.254,"body":"given them the tools, you've let them fail."},{"startTime":651.254,"endTime":653.325,"body":"You let them see the consequences."},{"startTime":653.365,"endTime":662.007,"body":"It's amazing to me, you know, my wife being a teacher, how many parents come and negotiate"},{"startTime":653.365,"endTime":662.007,"body":"for their kids to get better grades."},{"startTime":662.007,"endTime":663.517,"body":"Well, do you think they could do extra credit?"},{"startTime":663.517,"endTime":666.018,"body":"you man, have your kids do that."},{"startTime":666.018,"endTime":667.496,"body":"When your kid fails,"},{"startTime":667.496,"endTime":674.336,"body":"a test, if you are emailing the teacher asking for a special favor, you are missing out on"},{"startTime":667.496,"endTime":674.336,"body":"an amazing opportunity."},{"startTime":674.336,"endTime":684.736,"body":"There are not too many teachers that I know that won't give a kid something else to do,"},{"startTime":674.336,"endTime":684.736,"body":"another chance, if they come to them and make it in person, not even email, hey, go look"},{"startTime":684.736,"endTime":689.796,"body":"face to face, because this is a skill that our kids are not going to have that we had"},{"startTime":684.736,"endTime":689.796,"body":"because we didn't have email."},{"startTime":689.796,"endTime":693.676,"body":"Look your teacher in the face and said, you know what, I was, I was lazy."},{"startTime":693.676,"endTime":695.982,"body":"I realized that I've messed up."},{"startTime":695.982,"endTime":698.533,"body":"Is there anything I could do for extra credit?"},{"startTime":698.534,"endTime":701.676,"body":"And most teachers are gonna go, yeah, absolutely."},{"startTime":701.676,"endTime":706.8,"body":"You talked to me, like you didn't send, your parents didn't send me an email, you didn't"},{"startTime":701.676,"endTime":706.8,"body":"send me the email."},{"startTime":706.82,"endTime":709.922,"body":"Give our kids the chance to be successful."},{"startTime":709.922,"endTime":715.827,"body":"know, and failure is, you know, learning how to fail is a totally life skill."},{"startTime":715.827,"endTime":722.28,"body":"You need to learn how to, excuse me, they need to learn how to fail because failure is"},{"startTime":715.827,"endTime":722.28,"body":"not."},{"startTime":722.28,"endTime":724.82,"body":"Devastation, failure is just part of the game."},{"startTime":724.82,"endTime":730.98,"body":"If you're doing something and if you're pushing the limit and trying to be successful,"},{"startTime":724.82,"endTime":730.98,"body":"you're gonna fail."},{"startTime":731.04,"endTime":733.38,"body":"You let your kids practice while they're at home."},{"startTime":733.38,"endTime":740.32,"body":"Give them the ability to have the consequences of their action fully play out, even if"},{"startTime":733.38,"endTime":740.32,"body":"that's bad."},{"startTime":740.32,"endTime":741.88,"body":"So go ahead, go help your kids fail."},{"startTime":741.88,"endTime":744.42,"body":"think you'll like the outcome."},{"startTime":744.7,"endTime":747.34,"body":"If you've enjoyed this, I would love for a review."},{"startTime":747.34,"endTime":751.665,"body":"Spotify, Apple, wherever you're listening to this, five star would be awesome."},{"startTime":751.665,"endTime":753.516,"body":"Couple words like Danny is so cool."},{"startTime":753.516,"endTime":754.777,"body":"That would be awesome."},{"startTime":754.777,"endTime":755.956,"body":"Whatever you feel comfortable saying."},{"startTime":755.956,"endTime":757.195,"body":"I would appreciate that."},{"startTime":757.195,"endTime":761.52,"body":"It just helps the podcast grow, which I'm so excited about the growth coming up on two"},{"startTime":757.195,"endTime":761.52,"body":"years."},{"startTime":761.801,"endTime":765.803,"body":"Again, my name is Danny Dumas and this is the Earn Your Title podcast and I will talk to"},{"startTime":761.801,"endTime":765.803,"body":"you later."},{"startTime":765.803,"endTime":766.583,"body":"Bye."}]}