You aren't lazy, life is busy and it can be hard to stick to our self promises.
In today's episode, I want to reassure you that you are not alone in your practice of creating a more disciplined life. It takes finding out your why, understanding who you are, your current mental health state, and who are you really surrounding yourself with?
Let's dive deeper into what discipline actually means and how you can make it more attainable in your life.
If you want more self care tips along with daily affirmations, make sure to check out our FREE Self Care Guide to use daily.
You aren't lazy, life is busy and it can be hard to stick to our self promises.
In today's episode, I want to reassure you that you are not alone in your practice of creating a more disciplined life. It takes finding out your why, understanding who you are, your current mental health state, and who are you really surrounding yourself with?
Let's dive deeper into what discipline actually means and how you can make it more attainable in your life.
If you want more self care tips along with daily affirmations, make sure to check out our FREE Self Care Guide to use daily.
[00:00:00]
Hello, beautiful people.
Ericka Nicole: welcome and welcome back to the behind the silk podcast, where we have conversations about prioritizing self care in different aspects of our lives. I am your host, Ericka Nicole, the founder of Silkenn. And in today's episode, I want to talk about the journey of discipline.
Ericka Nicole: A lot of people view discipline as a final destination and not necessarily a process. And there's a lot of noise in the space about discipline and productivity. So in this episode, I want to discuss if lack of discipline is actually a result of laziness and give some practical tips on how to make discipline more manageable.
Ericka Nicole: But first, today's affirmation reads, I am deserving of abundance in all areas of my life. And I welcome it with open arms. Take a moment and receive [00:01:00] that. Okay. Now I am a fan of having a conversation based on definitions so that we can all be on the same page. So I Googled the definition of laziness and according to Google, because Google doesn't lie, laziness is defined as The unwillingness to work or use energy. And when you think about the average day of a person, right? We wake up early, you go to work, you stop at the gym, or you run any other errands that you have to do. If you have kids, you're getting them ready for school. You make dinner, you put kids to bed, you tidy up the house, you scroll social media, you're working on your side hustle, and before you know it, the day is over.
Ericka Nicole: It's time to go to bed and do it all over again. And to me that doesn't necessarily sound like the [00:02:00] unwillingness to work or use energy. So my stance is that maybe discipline necessarily a result of laziness. I don't think that The problem is that we don't have goals. It could just be that we're tired, we're uninspired, or we don't have the right motivation to do the thing that we want to do.
Ericka Nicole: I think that's the real issue that needs to be addressed. So, the question becomes, how do we handle setbacks or moments of low motivation when we're trying to be successful? Disciplined. And when you're feeling uninspired or unmotivated, my go to phrase is to go back to your why. You have to revisit your goals.
Ericka Nicole: Remember why you started this thing in the first place. Why did you set these goals in the first place? You have to reconnect with the underlying [00:03:00] motivations to help reignite that sense of purpose and commitment. And on the other hand, You have to do it anyway. Sometimes discipline is about pushing through the uncomfortable.
Ericka Nicole: It's about pushing through the, I don't feel like it. It's a practice. Discipline takes practice. And we practice discipline by committing to our goals, even when we're not feeling motivated. And don't get me wrong, there are a lot of misconceptions about discipline that I have even encountered. And I'm going to go through some of the main ones, right?
Ericka Nicole: Punishment equates to discipline. Not true. While punishment can be a component of discipline. For example, if I don't go to the gym today. I cannot have that slice of pizza. We're denying ourselves something. The reality is that true discipline is about teaching and guiding ourself [00:04:00] to understand the consequences of our actions and helping to develop this mindset of self control and responsibility to ourselves.
Ericka Nicole: The next is that Discipline is a one size fits all approach, which is not true at all. We all have different needs, different temperaments, different wants, different learning styles, and what works for one person does not necessarily work for the other person. So when it comes to being disciplined and building a routine that allows you to be disciplined, we have to tailor that and cater that to our individual needs so that we have a higher success rate, that there is a greater chance that we will be successful in what it is that we're pursuing.
Ericka Nicole: And the last biggest misconception that I hear is that discipline is solely And I could not disagree more. [00:05:00] I don't believe that discipline is solely about controlling our behavior. It's also about understanding our poor habits. It's about understanding our impulses, our emotions, what our motivations are, and learning how to manage them in a way that's safe.
Ericka Nicole: That's constructive. That requires self control. that does require denying ourselves to a certain extent. That does require a delayed gratification. So discipline also helps us increase our self awareness and to be able to control the things that we may not have seen as a problem before.
Ericka Nicole: And now I do believe that there is a way to strike a balance between being disciplined and allowing ourselves to be flexible and spontaneous. And that really comes down to everything is okay in moderation. For example, I don't have a all or nothing approach. I always use working out because I just feel like it's the easiest analogy to use.
Ericka Nicole: it's not like, it's either I go to the gym and eat [00:06:00] meat and veggies all day, or I have Chick fil A three times a day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That's an all or nothing mentality. And the odds of that being affected are pretty slim. So on my health journey, I create pockets of things that I enjoy so that I have an increased chance of being successful.
Ericka Nicole: So I may have a healthy, day of eating, but then I may have some ice cream, a scoop or two, in moderation. Something that I can look forward to, or I may have that piece of chocolate so that I'm not thinking about it and craving it all day. Life is about balance. And self awareness plays a very big role in developing discipline and how we cultivate a healthy mindset.
Ericka Nicole: Because we have to know what works for us. There is a whole community online, the 5am gym girlies, right? I am not a morning person. That is not my ministry, not my calling. I am a night owl. So I'm self [00:07:00] aware that right now, at least right now in this season, 5am gym sessions just do not work for me because I'm up until one o'clock in the morning.
Ericka Nicole: That's when I do my best thinking. That's when I feel the most creative. That's when I'm, I don't have emails coming in and my phone's not going off. That's just my routine currently. So I go to the gym on my lunchtime. I go to the gym around midday between 12 and 1 o'clock and that's what works for me.
Ericka Nicole: I get up, I do some work in the morning so I feel a little bit productive. I take a break, I go to the gym, I come back, I do some more work and that's just what works for me because I'm self aware and discipline is something that can be learned. But I also believe that there are some people who are more naturally inclined to being disciplined.
Ericka Nicole: I hope that makes sense. Like, for some people who have a type A personality, they're very organized, they like routines, they like cadences. Those people tend to be more prone to having more discipline and self control in different areas [00:08:00] of their life, compared to someone who's more, you know, like, more free flowing and more go with the wind.
Ericka Nicole: But discipline is also something that can be taught and the secret sauce is that to teach yourself to be disciplined, you actually have to go through the motion of doing it. Discipline also extends beyond just productivity or achieving goals. I think when we really unpack discipline, it really comes down to keeping a promise to ourselves.
Ericka Nicole: If I told myself that this is what I'm going to do, this is the goal that I have set for myself, and this is what I want to achieve, am I willing to do what it takes and put in the work to keep that promise to myself.
Ericka Nicole: Am I willing to do the things that I may not want to do? Am I okay with pushing past some of the setbacks? Am I okay with having a short term sacrifice, long term game mentality? And what I find is when we get into the habit of keeping promises to ourselves, we [00:09:00] become more confident. We're more inclined to trust our intuition.
Ericka Nicole: It changes our perspective on ourselves. It changes our mindset. And sometimes it's just those small shifts in mindset. That create huge change.
Ericka Nicole: I also have some thoughts on the relationship between discipline and mental health, right? We're here to talk about self care. and mental health is obviously a very big part of taking care of ourselves, right? Half of the battle of self care is mental. And there's a very, Symbiotic relationship between discipline and mental health and the top three correlations That I find are one healthy habits discipline typically involves adopting and maintaining habits such as exercise and nutrition and sleep and stress management These behaviors are crucial for promoting our physical well being for sure but they also [00:10:00] have significant implications on our mental health.
Ericka Nicole: Like, for example, regular exercise is shown to improve our mood and reduce symptoms of stress and anxiety. So healthy habits, having a healthy body, allows us to have a healthy mind. The second is, um, this sense of control and empowerment, right? That ties into keeping that promise to ourself. When we practice discipline, it creates this level of self control and empowers us to do so.
Ericka Nicole: When we take responsibilities for our our choices, we're more create positive changes and overcome obstacles. it promotes feelings of autonomy and that we're competent enough to get the job done. And when you feel good about yourself, you're empowered to continue to make positive changes, which is essential for our mental [00:11:00] wellbeing.
Ericka Nicole: And the last is boundaries and self care. The reality is that discipline involves. Setting boundaries. And we all know how I feel about boundaries. Boundaries are a key component to self care when we establish boundaries in our relationships and our commitments to others. It allows us to protect our mental health and prevent burnout.
Ericka Nicole: Burnout is real. And when we decide to prioritize these self care activities that we preach about all the time on this podcast, such as relaxing and leisure and journaling and meditating and social connection, it's essential to for maintaining this emotional balance, which in turn allows us to be more resilient.
Ericka Nicole: And when we prioritize self care, it creates rest in our minds. [00:12:00] So If I had to recommend how to find your why or your motivation to stay disciplined, the main thing that I would recommend is to spend time with yourself. You have to get into that quiet place. You have to create pockets of time to check in with yourself.
Ericka Nicole: How are you feeling? What things are changing? last year's goals may not be this year's goals. We have to track these things. We have to write these things down. We have to spend time and check in with ourselves. And the more that you tap in to yourself, the more you'll start to uncover the motivating factors behind why you do the things that you want to do.
Ericka Nicole: And once you're able to dig deep and get past that surface level things, once you find that core thing that's really pushing you, you'll find discipline to be so much easier. Because you have purpose. You wake up every morning doing the thing that you do because you know that there is a purpose to it.
Ericka Nicole: Now, I'm not saying that you're going to get up every day chirpy. [00:13:00] and want to do it. But it's that underlying force that kind of just pushes you in the right direction and do it anyway, even when you don't want to. And once you feel that feeling, that's when you know that you've found your why.
Ericka Nicole: Environment and community is also important when trying to stay disciplined. You have to surround yourself with people who want to be better. If you're around people who are unmotivated, who don't want to do anything, who don't have any goals and aspirations, what do you think is going to happen to you?
Ericka Nicole: Hmm? Exactly. You have to surround yourself with ambitious people, with people who have a plan for their lives, for people who want to go places and do things. There is a saying that a fish can only grow up. To the size of the tank that it's in I feel like that's the saying and it's true So sometimes you have to remove yourself out of your fish tank and drop yourself in an ocean And you'll be able to see how far the possibilities span once you Move [00:14:00] past your own mental boundaries And the bubble that you may have put yourself in and there are definitely mindset shifts that can make discipline easier or at least feel more natural.
Ericka Nicole: And the main ones for me are self compassion and grace, right? discipline as a journey and we have to give ourselves grace and compassion, knowing that we're not going to get it right all the time, but that even when we falter, we're going to get back up and we're going to keep moving on.
Ericka Nicole: But then the other thing is also accountability because whether you make the changes or not, Whether you remain disciplined enough to achieve the goals that you set out to achieve or not the world still turns Life still goes on so you have a decision to make am I gonna do the things that I need to do now?
Ericka Nicole: Or am I gonna stay where I'm at? And that's a personal question that you have to talk to yourself with in your quiet time and for someone who's just starting out on their journey towards Discipline or being more disciplined. The [00:15:00] best advice that I would give is to start small. You know how I feel about the chunk it down mentality.
Ericka Nicole: Set those bigger goals into smaller goals, right? Let's say you want to write a book. You want to write a 500 word book. Maybe you're not going to sit down in two sessions and write 250 pages, but maybe you're going to write. A page or two a day until you get to that goal of having your book finished. The principle is to keep going, to keep moving forward,
Ericka Nicole: start small. And when you start small, it also helps you keep that promise to yourself because smaller goals are typically easier to maintain, which will help boost your confidence. which will help you feel empowered to continue moving in the right direction. And before you know it, you're going to look up and you're going to be like, wow, look at how far I've come.
Ericka Nicole: And that's when you take a moment to celebrate, to be proud of your accomplishments because you deserve it. You did it. You did it.
So some practical [00:16:00] tips that I would give based on my own experience to be more disciplined are the following. Make time to rest. We talk about rest in depth in episode 41. So definitely go check that out after this one. But rest is so important. You cannot pour from an empty cup. So you have to make time to rest your body and your mind so that you can continue to show up as the best version of yourself.
Ericka Nicole: Time blocking. Analyze where you're spending your time. Are there improvements that you can make in that area? Can you redirect some of your time to other places that'll help you get closer to your goal? Where we put our time is typically towards the things that have our attention. Set clear goals.
Ericka Nicole: Identify your purpose. Put in the work and spend that time with yourself to identify your why.
Ericka Nicole: If you do nothing long enough, your brain will crave something to do. That's [00:17:00] why when people are put in isolation, they typically go insane.
Ericka Nicole: Discover your why. It's so worth it. Prioritize tasks. Focus on high priority tasks to get those out of the way and avoid procrastination. I keep a running to do list on my notes app. I literally have a folder dedicated to to dos and I write my top three things on there. The top three things that I want to do for the day.
Ericka Nicole: I got that concept from Erin on Demand. On YouTube she actually has a top three notebook and that's where that inspiration came from So i'll write my top three things that I want to get done for the day And then everything else that I want to get done for the day But as long as I get those three things done my main priority is done I still consider it a successful day and everything else is just gravy on the rice Create a routine Get into the habit of automating your behaviors I think it takes what 60 or 90 days to create a habit Do it anyway.
Ericka Nicole: And once you have a routine, it'll make it easier to stick to. Because once your [00:18:00] body gets on a certain clock when you're off your body will let you know I told you guys I'm a night owl and I typically go to bed. It's not every night. I Typically go to bed around 12 1 just because like by the time I really shut things down It's like 8 9 o'clock, and I don't know.
Ericka Nicole: There's just something between 9 and 1 where my brain just feels maybe free so I have all of these great ideas all the time All of this creativity. I literally keep a notebook by my bedside just because that's just when I feel the most creative but now i'm trying to go to bed earlier So now for the past what maybe three weeks i've been forcing myself to be in bed By 11, even if i'm not asleep i'm at least in bed by 11 o'clock 10 30 So nowadays When I'm up on the couch at 11 30, I'm like, Ooh, girl, I need to go lay down.
Ericka Nicole: I'm feeling a little tired. And even I'm not feeling tired. My body just wants to lay down. I don't feel like sitting up anymore because I'm creating that routine. And my biological clock is responding to the [00:19:00] changes that I've made in my routine. And it's making a difference. Set boundaries, say no to things that are not aligned with your goals.
Ericka Nicole: That goes back to analyzing where you're spending your time. If you're spending your time on things that are not productive to what you want to achieve, that's an area for improvement. So set boundaries, track your progress. Am I getting closer to my goal? Do I feel like I'm getting closer to my purpose?
Ericka Nicole: And lastly, reward yourself. That is the best motivation. Celebrating your wins is the best motivation. Even the small ones. Because small wins equate to big wins. So just take it one day at a time. Discipline is not easy, but it's definitely worth it.
Ericka Nicole: That's a wrap for today's episode. I hope you feel good. I hope you feel motivated. Maybe you're not lazy. Maybe you're just burnt out. We use the word lazy so loosely, and I don't always think that's the case. Take the time to dig [00:20:00] a little deeper and figure out what is the disconnect from where you're currently at to the level of discipline that you want to be.
Ericka Nicole: And slowing down and taking care of ourselves is a great way to start being more disciplined. Make sure that you are subscribed and following the podcast on whichever platform you're listening on right now. Thank you. Please leave a rating and review. I love reading them. I love hearing your thoughts on the show.
Ericka Nicole: Follow us on all social media platforms at @behindthesilkpod so that we can keep the conversation going. And remember that the best part of today is you.