Paradise Perspectives
Welcome to "Paradise Perspectives," where island vibes meet personal transformation! 🌴
I’m Riselle, the Traveling Island Girl, and I’m thrilled to have you here. This podcast is all about helping you live your best life—whether that means traveling the Caribbean. starting a new business, shifting your mindset, embracing change, or simply finding the courage to chase your dreams.
Drawing from the beauty and inspiration of my Caribbean home, St. Maarten, I bring you real stories, practical tips, and a whole lot of motivation to help you step into your power. Every episode is designed to empower you to create the life you truly want, with a little bit of island sunshine and a lot of heart.
We’ll dive into topics like career pivots, entrepreneurship, personal growth, and travel—all from the perspective of an island girl who believes that every day is a chance to start something amazing.
Whether you’re an entrepreneur, a stay-at-home mom, or someone who’s just feeling stuck, this podcast is for you.
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Paradise Perspectives
From Love in Small Towns to Sex Resorts, Simone Paget Tells it All.
Travel writer and sex columnist, Simone Paget takes us on a journey through her whirlwind life as we talk about dating and relationships, and we add a hint of public sex in there to keep it interesting.
Simone shares her insights on nudist resort etiquette, as well as dating in a small town that has been romanticized by Hollywood and the Hallmark channel.
We discuss what it's like to live in a place that has been painted perfect in movies, being a childless and single woman over 40, and the awkwardness of modern-day dating.
Find out more about Simone Paget on her Instagram, listen to her podcast, We're Never Doing This Again, and follow her on Substack.
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Get in touch with Riselle at hello@thetravelingislandgirl.com. Send in your questions and topics, and be featured on the show.
Welcome to Paradise Perspectives. I'm Rizal, the Traveling Island Girl, and I'm here to help you start living your best life, no matter where you're at, whether you're dreaming of traveling to exotic destinations, starting a business, find your purpose and take bold steps towards the life you deserve. So grab your favorite drink and let's dive into some real talk about living your best life, one sunny day at a time. This is one conversation I have definitely been looking forward to for a while. Simone, welcome to the new Paradise Perspectives podcast. Last time I spoke to you was when I was on your podcast, and that was back in April, so I can't believe that we're now only now having a conversation again. So definitely welcome, welcome, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. I can't believe it feels like I just talked to you yesterday. I can't believe it was April. It's been like months. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:It does feel like forever ago, right, and there was like, if I look back to the conversation that we had then, it was like so many things were happening in your life, in my life, and now we're fast forwarding to what is it now October and things are so, absolutely different. So for those of you who do not know who Simone Paget is, am I saying your last name correct? Is Paget?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's correct.
Speaker 1:Okay. So for those of you who do not know who Simone is, simone is not only a dear friend and we still have to meet in real life, by the way but she's also a travel writer about you and your travel and lifestyle actually writer. But you're also and this is my favorite part you're a host of the podcast. We're Never doing that again or we're never doing this again. I always get the this and the that wrong.
Speaker 2:It's okay.
Speaker 1:It's a multiple.
Speaker 2:We're never doing this again. It's about eating and being in midlife and all the stuff that comes along with that, which is there's a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm going to ask you a little bit later about where exactly the name came from, because I think it's just hilarious actually how you explained it, but I want the listener to actually notice as well. So if you have never heard of this, of this podcast, you definitely need to go and check it out. We're going to dive a little bit deeper into that. But you know, my favorite part is not only that that you're the host of this podcast, of that podcast, but also you are a columnist for the Sun, toronto of Toronto, the Toronto Sun, and where you write mostly about sex, dating and relationship.
Speaker 2:This has given me, like all the Carrie Bradshaw vibes, by the way yeah, I always say that my career is like, best described as like Carrie Bradshaw meets Carmen Sandiego, where, like no one, none of my friends like at any given weekend. They're like are you in town? Like where? Where are you? Like? We're looking at your Instagram and I don't post in real time for, you know, safety reasons.
Speaker 2:So yeah like where, where are you? Yeah, I write about um sex and dating and relationships, and then I also write about travel and food and kind of the everything that around that, the sort of lifestyle aspect.
Speaker 1:I just love that you're actually doing both you know and then kind of like mixing them together, cause I saw that one of your earlier in one of your podcast episodes you were talking to someone about how you started and the first time you traveled was to actually or actually on a media trip was to a sex resort.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, I was hoping you'd ask me about this. Yes, yes, I was hoping you'd ask me about this?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I totally need to know the details about that.
Speaker 2:Okay. So I think my journey into travel writing is kind of perhaps like atypical, because most of the travel writers I meet, like when I go to media events, have a different experience. But yeah, I started writing about travel because I was approached. I started writing about travel because I was approached while I was writing my Toronto Sun column to visit it's. They call themselves like an adults only topless, optional sexy resort, but it's. It's kind of like a it's called Temptation. It's in cancun.
Speaker 2:It's I wouldn't say it's like exactly a sex resort, because it's sort of like an entry-level place where you'll find like a mix of like people who are just there with friends who want to be topless. Um, because, like in north america, like you know, it's not like europe where being topless at the beach is more normalized. It's kind of it's not. So you have that. But then you also have people who go there who are like swingers, who are looking to have those experiences with like new people. So it's kind of like a really interesting mix. And I it was my very first press trip- and that's the thing.
Speaker 1:Like you chose that to be your first press trip, yeah, I had the best time.
Speaker 2:I met one of my best friends, mark. He's like my, one of my best friends and we just the. It was such a magical trip Cause. Also, like the PR person who was there, she became one of our best friends because it was just the most absurd resort you've ever seen. It's, it's hilarious.
Speaker 2:I I've been back three times I think since, or two times wow okay, once as press and once because, um, I got stranded at the airport and the PR rep saw it and was like hey, we can just come back like so, and I've also been on, they also have a cruise. So Mark and I went on the cruise and that was my last press trip before the pandemic.
Speaker 1:Like it was a couple like end of February, early March yeah, right on the brink of it, yeah, just when it started, yeah, and then from there I went um, I published an article about my experiences.
Speaker 2:Then um one of their competitors, um hedonism in Jamaica. He saw my article and they're like how about we bring you out and see our place? Um, hedonism was like if temptation was kind of like an entry level, hedonism was just like complete, like yeah, like the opposite end of the spectrum, it was insane. Um, it's just kind of like a really, it's really wild. It's really like um, it's not for the faint of heart like I. I'm with it, but some of the people on that press trip were like super traumatized oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:and I have to say I actually had a feigned interest in actually doing hedonism. And if, if I ever get that interest again, I am so happy that I'm having this conversation with you because then definitely, as a newbie, I should start with temptation and then maybe, if I like it, advance into hedonism. Because I read, actually, when I was having this interest in it and we were actually thinking of going, I read, of course, all of the reviews that I could find and there were topics on you know how to leave your curtain open when you're having sex with your partner in your room and so people can can look at you and and all of these things. And I was like, maybe that's a little too much to explore. Is that like the kind of person that always, always wants to try something new? And I thought, well, why not? You know what was your experience like?
Speaker 2:So I've had like a lot of like people I know who like hedonism. A lot of them like that was their entry point and just to like clarify for the listeners. So something like temptation is topless optional, Hedonism is fully clothing optional. And how the resort's set up is that there's two sides to it. There's what they call the prude side, which is you can wear clothes if you want and that's where all the dining and stuff is, so you have to wear clothes while you're eating in that section well, I do hope so yeah, but people's idea of clothes is pretty loosely interpreted like or interpreted like.
Speaker 2:I saw a guy just wearing like an open bathrobe at the breakfast buffet with, like his penis hanging out and I'm like not really appetizing sir and we're not judging at all like if that is your lifestyle, absolutely go for it.
Speaker 1:It's just that, as somebody who is not exactly in that lifestyle, I do not want a penis around my salad exactly, exactly, and the thing is like there.
Speaker 2:So there's the prude side and then there's the nude side, and the nude side is, like clothing, um, or nude mandatory. So if you cross over, it's like a border, you cross over there. That's where, like, the main sort of party pool is and it's also where, like, the 24-hour snack bar is. So if you want late night eats, you have to eat them naked. So I, you, you will end up eating like jerk chicken naked cause you're hungry.
Speaker 1:Well, actually that makes sense, because when you're eating jerk chicken, you're kind of like have the sauce all over you anyway, and if you're naked, hooray, you're not getting it on your clothes, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:And there's, um, there's a pool on that side. That's where, like, everyone sort of hangs out and it's you have 10 minutes from when you arrive on the nude side that you have to disrobe, like you have to take your clothes off within 10 minutes or leave. So, but that pool was like I mean, I'm very sex positive, but this pool was like too much for me, cause like there was people just having sex like right on the side of the pool. Um, there's, I like to think that the pool is like the contents of the pool is like 10% chlorine, like 25%, 25% rum and like another like, uh, 15% body fluids, like that's, oh, my, the vibe. So it's like pretty hardcore, and like that was, um, if you're, if that's what you're into like cool, um, for me it was a little bit. That was a bit too much for me, like I just didn't. It was interesting to see and then right, absolutely.
Speaker 1:But you got to be comfortable with it, so so did you, did you disrobe at least?
Speaker 2:because I think, if you, yeah, yeah, because I'm like, well, you know I'm, I'm gonna stay and see what happens and um, but the people like the people I know who like it, who aren't necessarily into that lifestyle, just like the idea of going to like the beach nude, like you can also have that experience. But, um, I always suggest people start off at Temptation because, first of all, I think the amenities at the resort are a lot nicer, like it's just a nicer resort. Um, hedonism is kind of it's kind of bare bones, like it's not fancy. Um, you pay for the freedom of being able to do whatever you want. Um, but yeah, I always say, like, start in this environment and see how you like it, and then there's other places to go from there.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah but I, I prefer this sort of. I'm a sort of I like a little bit of luxury and I like this a little bit more luxury amenities. So that's just me, Of course.
Speaker 1:Okay, I kind of. I kind of like I have to say, like the whole and you know, this is where my background. I lived in Europe for a while, so for me that whole nudist thing is not actually that. How can I tell? What word am I looking for here? It's not that foreboding, you know. It's like okay, I will be one day, I will try it out, because I can't talk about it if I've never done it before. So I feel like I will one day.
Speaker 1:It's on my bucket list for sure I will go to a nudist resort or a nudist hotel and kind of like that experience. But you know, as a somebody who has never done it before but who is definitely interested, what, how, what are the there's gotta be like perhaps you notice what are the rules? Like you know, it's like immediately, especially for people who are not in that lifestyle, the one thing you constantly think of is like okay, how do men control their erection and how do do women actually shave their pubes? Do they not shave their pubes? Like, what is, what are the rules?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So regardless of like what resort you go to, I mean, I've only been to the properties that are owned by the company that owns Temptation. So they have Temptation. And then they have Desire, which is clothing optionals, but for couples, so it's a bit more. That's where you will find more nudist couples and also swinger couples or people who are like what they say in the lifestyle, and they tend to be a little bit more luxury focused, whereas temptation is a bit more. The amenities are more basic, but also it's more you have, more you can have more sex in public.
Speaker 2:It's a little bit more anything goes, but within that sort of sphere, there are really a lot of rules around consent, which is really good um, so you have to sign um like a behavioral contract when you check in saying that like you will not touch before, that you will ask people before you touch them. No means no, you cannot. There's like rules about like prostitution, like you can't pay people to do stuff, obviously, and which isn't so much an issue in Mexico but can get more borderline in Jamaica, where you do have like people who are sex workers coming to the resort. So there's like that's a bit more gray area.
Speaker 2:But in Mexico it's like pretty kind of dry, um, and, yeah, it's just like a culture of consent and they have people who you know. If you violate that or someone says, hey, this person's being inappropriate, um, you get a warning and then you get um and if it's something quite severe, you get removed from the resort room immediately. So, and also there's kind of like within the community that comes there, because it really is a community like there's people who come, yeah, multiple times a year to this resort and know people and know the staff. Like there's kind of this self-policing where it's like, hey, if someone's acting like out of pocket, then they're going to um, people will be like, hey, this guy is a problem, I'm sorry, it's usually.
Speaker 1:It's usually unfortunately unfortunately it is men usually yes they don't.
Speaker 2:Maybe they don't understand the culture, or they don't understand the rules, or you know, or they're maybe just you know, just kind of a weird person.
Speaker 2:Um, then you know they will get, um, they will get dealt with by the staff and like, because they want to keep it, they want to keep it safe and accessible, of course, exactly. And then as far as like the nude resorts, like, um, I think I remember reading, like at tim at hedonism, that like there's sort of a section saying like it's, it's normal people may get, people will get aroused. It's's just like you can't stop it, but like, it's like what you do with that. Like, if you, you know it happens, but like the person just is minding their business, it's more like the consent piece, like if you start, there was one guy who, like, was on the beach with some of the people I was with who were other journalists, and he had an erection and he just started staring at someone in our group and like touching himself and we had to report him because we're like that's not cool, but like if it happens, it happens because of like the environment, it's like natural, but it's like what you do with that? Like, are you?
Speaker 1:going to um you know yeah but I have to say like how was it for you your first experience, um, and was that your first experience at a nudist resort? Was that you that you went completely bare, and then that was then with other journalists in that group. So I'm just trying to see, like how was that for you having to disrobe in front of, because I I'm not sure what is worse if you have to, like, disrobe in front of people you don't know, or if you have to disrobe in front of people you do know?
Speaker 2:except for one other person who I made friends with on the trip who was kind of more like, like-minded and that we were both very kind of sex positive and very open. The other people on the trip like I actually think they were not the right people to be on that trip okay, they were not the right kinds of journalists to bring to that resort like they were really freaked out. And I know other people who've been on press trips to that resort Like they were really freaked out, um. And I know other people who've been on press trips to that resort where it the whole group was like-minded and they were just kind of like whatever, um, but then our group was very kind of like split in that like me and this other person were more open to it and everyone else was kind of freaked out. So they mostly stuck to the, to the prude side the where you know you could.
Speaker 2:Some of them went topless or on the beach or whatever, but like most people were just in bikinis and hanging out. Um, I ventured over to the nude side with the other person and because there wasn't really like cross kind of pollination there, I mean- it's not a very big resort, but like if you're on one side, you're. You know you're naked or you're not, so like they weren't really going to the area where I was. Okay.
Speaker 1:But, I thought it felt a little bit better than you being in your nude without having eyes on you from the same people that then you have to like join for dinner after yeah, no, it wasn't.
Speaker 2:It was weird, but like, um, yeah, they weren't really, they were kind of doing their own thing and we were the times we were hanging out together, we were on the prude side together because, like I wasn't fully, I didn't want to be by that, like that pool all the time eating naked.
Speaker 1:I can imagine.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I kind of like went back and forth, but yeah, it wasn't. I think it could be really awkward, like I know. But I know other people who went on press trips there who were like, no, it was totally cool, we all were just naked.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh okay okay, like I said, it's like it works for some people and for others it doesn't.
Speaker 2:So yeah, but um yeah, and as far as like body hair, because you mentioned it like I yes yeah, I've noticed a lot of the pretty much I'd say 99% of the women are like fully bare or have very little hair and I don't know what it is. I've been to multiple resorts like this and it's always kind of the same story. So I don't know, like.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't think I just wonder if there's like an etiquette about it or not. I'm saying yeah, and you know. Again, it's like you are, you tried it, which makes you, in my eyes, more experienced in that in the topic. But yeah, I guess we'll have to talk to somebody who's in the lifestyle for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that seems to be a standard in these sort of lifestyle spaces, at least those ones ones where you will see literally every kind of body which is really, really amazing, and that's kind of liberating though, because you could really see, like, all sorts of shapes and sizes and color and whatnot, and and that's what I like about that too, like, if I ever and I guess that's why I don't have a problem trying it someday, you know, just the nudist part Um, I'm, I'm, I'm way too vanilla, I think, to try the sex in the pool and swingering, and I think that's a little too much for me. But yeah, if you're into it, then go for it, by all means. You know, like and report back, cause I would like to know the details though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it's um, it's definitely. It's interesting. Just being a fly on the wall, I have to say.
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely Absolutely. Now I'm. It's so interesting cause we dove straight into the sex part of this whole conversation. It's like we didn't even touch on dating and relationships yet. As this week come like it started so steamy, I was like the conversation's great. So I have to ask you, you know now, going completely opposite, we're talking a little bit more about romance now, and why I'm bringing this up is because you're from Victoria, british Columbia. So that is the location where most of the Hallmark movies are filmed, like every single time, and I fall in love with filming locations, sometimes even more than I fall in love with movies, which is what brought me now to Portland. Anyway, twilight, oh, yes, twilight.
Speaker 1:We're very close to Port Angeles where they filmed a lot of the Twilight, oh my gosh. Yes, I went to Port Angeles, I went to Forks, I went to like all of the scenes pretty much, but I haven't seen the scenes that were filmed here, which was the majority of the movies anyway were filmed actually right here in Portland. So I still have to go to those. But victoria bc is just known to be the filming location for especially hallmark, but there's also, like I think the good witch was filmed in parts around there and, um, the other netflix show what's it called? Uh, oh my gosh, with the australian actor. That is like too hot to handle. I'm trying to remember the name right now. It will.
Speaker 1:The other Netflix show, what's it called? Oh my gosh, with the Australian actor. That is like too hot to handle. I'm trying to remember the name right now. It will come to me after. But so there's so many movies, romantic movies that were filmed there. One question that I have for you is what it's like living in a space that is romanticized by everyone, and also, do you see the? I mean like, what like? Let's just start with that first question what is it like living in an area that is has been so romanticized by Hollywood?
Speaker 2:to it like there's sort of a tolerance level, for it's extremely beautiful here, um, and I live like right near one of the very popular filming destinations or filming locations. So I actually, when I was actively dating which I'm not really at the moment, but when I was I would bring people to my neighborhood because, um, there's like a really nice, like sort of like old timey town square.
Speaker 2:It's like cobblestones and there's like lights that they've hung up and that's where they film like a lot of the hallmark scenes, like they'll bring in fake snow and they'll or they'll turn it into like a Christmas market and there's a couple like nice little bars. So, like, I will definitely lean into that and it is. It can be quite charming, but it also like presents challenges, because it is a smaller place and now like a lot of the people. You know there's a lot of married people or like coupled people, so you know there's a smaller pool of people to choose from. Um, but yeah, I guess I don't really think of it that much. We do like to manage of like I really like a good beach date, like going down to the beach with like a bottle of wine, like that's a really nice thing to do. Um, but yeah, it does. It does have its charms. It's just I think we take it for granted, which is sounds yeah cool.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I I totally get it. I mean, like, um, st martin may not be a location for a lot of hallmark movies although I've seen at least two or three that were filmed there, um, but I I have to say it's like living in one of those. What I take quote unquote picturesque places and places that people wish they could live in, um is completely different when you're actually living there. Uh, and I think it's it's the same for you as well. There's a lot of people that visit, but it's not a place that a lot of people can actually stay and make a living for themselves there.
Speaker 2:I guess Right, yeah, like the cost of living is extremely high because it is so desirable. So yeah it's. It definitely has its challenges. I mean mean, there's lots of things you can do here, though, that I guess actually are really romantic. Like there are these sort of um we have like a giant old hotel, um, that's a fairmont property, but it looks like a castle and you can go and have like s'mores over the fire on the veranda and like look out at the harbor and it's just, that's really cool.
Speaker 1:Um so, I'm kind of like ghost bombs, like it's so darn cute and romantic, but what's it like now living there as a single woman like is? You just said it. There's a lot of couples and you know, when all the filming crew leaves from whatever movie they're filming, I'm sure there's another one just waiting to to to do a shoot there. But in between, you know, your population probably drops and then the kind of like available men become like a few, just like kind of like what's the Martin gets, also in the summer months. You know our summer is our low season, so the there's less fish in the pool, that's for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I find like even with the film crews like I used to belong to, I had the dating at Raya, which is like more for it's for people in media and influencers and pseudo celebrities.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like a weird oh yeah, I never heard of that one Cause I tried Tinder just at the beginning of my separation, when we were like okay, we're not doing this for a little while, or whatever. I went straight to Tinder and I was like, nope, not for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so on Raya, it's like invite only.
Speaker 2:It's kind of stupid Like I had to have a friend invite me um, and it was interesting, as you do see like some of the sort of eligible looking people are in the film industry, but it's also like highly transient. So a lot of them, yeah, are like I'm here for two months or I'm here for three weeks or um, so I'd say like as a single female in Victoria, it's like it's not great, like yeah, it's a beautiful sort of. I mean other people see it as romantic, but the dating pool it's kind of like a lot of people know each other. I'll see people on if I'm on tinder that like I've either already dated friends, have dated friends with already I don't want to date um, and there's like it's kind of it feels a bit sometimes like island of the misfit toys where it's like it's geez, like this is what's like, this is like what's left over and like, oh my God, this is why.
Speaker 1:That was exactly what I was doing, that was exactly my thought, and, especially when I started, it's like, first of all, I don't understand what it is about beards. It's like every single picture of the men that I saw on Tinder had beards and I'm like so, not into beards. And then, of course, when you start swiping and you bump into the cousin of your husband, it's like OK, it's time to shut this up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a overabundance of bearded men here. So if you're in, like this was a real struggle for me, like when I first moved here, because I lived in Toronto for 12 years and like I was born and raised here but I moved away for university and then moved back and in Toronto I found like there was a more, there's a more diversity of like different people, but also like more people seemed more sort of clean cut in that here you'll find a lot of sort of like guys who are trying to look like lumberjacks and have like the urban lumberjack look and like you kind of like if you're not into it, you better get into it. If you're like, fine on going.
Speaker 1:If that is where you're gonna be living, and well, you at least you travel, so you get out and you meet other people. But can you imagine if you had like a regular nine to five job and this was your home, and you only got to vacation a couple of times out of the year, and so this would be then the only dating pool that was accessible to you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, yeah, I think it's a real challenge and like I think, because I don't feel I've held off dating lately, because I don't feel like this is my forever place, and I do want to meet someone, but I want to meet them in a place where I could see myself staying indefinitely for a little longer. Yeah, I feel like here although I've been back here for just like over 10 years like I feel like my time is kind of wrapping up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like a lot of things are changing in the city. It's becoming extremely expensive and the pool of people is becoming smaller. So, like when I I want to go to a city and date where I feel like a bit more freedom, whereas here, like, I feel like no matter who I date, if I go out on a date, I'm still going to see like five people I know. Or I went on a date this was before the pandemic I went to a party at the art gallery and I brought someone I was dating wait you're not saying that was the last date you were ever on, though, oh no, no no, I've been on some dates recently, but like, um, yeah, I the person I brought to the party.
Speaker 2:We met a bunch of people I knew at the art gallery party and then, um, a friend of mine was like oh hey, there's so-and-so, and we walked over to this group of men and I knew all of them and I dated all of them. Like five of them were all standing in a semicircle and I was like oh, God, that's something out of straight out of a nightmare, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like a haunted house, but like everyone in it is your ex-boyfriend. That's how it sometimes feels. Like here I'm like, oh, like it's so romantic, sure, but like not if you've dated everybody and it's actually so completely different.
Speaker 1:And especially, you know, going back to the reference of hallmark movies, it's just so completely different. Like all those hallmark movies are single girl, most of them writers, and all of a sudden finding themselves in this beautiful location, not really looking, but all of a sudden bum there, they find prince charming and mr right all wrapped into one and I'm like so far-fetched, rowley right, but I thought that would happen to me because I literally moved here after a breakup from the big city, which is like like an open hallmark to this super quaint neighborhood.
Speaker 2:I'm living with my mom, I'm helping her around the house and whatever, and I thought maybe I would meet this charming, handsome lumberjack type who would be my person. But it just hasn't happened because I don't know, it just wasn't.
Speaker 1:I didn't meet the right people and I mean, I met the right people to get me where I am now, but I didn't meet that yeah exactly person yeah, but I think we're also so wrapped and especially people from our generation which, by the way, we haven't even mentioned it, but it's, you are in your forties, yeah, right, and so I think in our generation it's always. We grew up watching all of these fantasy movies, and Disney has made quite a number on us, let me tell you, because we grew up believing in fairy tales and finding Mr Right and Mr Forever. But I don't think that's exactly what it is. It's just, and to get wrapped up in all of that is to me, it's a little dangerous, because you start just creating. You want to then create that life that you've envisioned for yourself since you were younger, and the actuality of all but everything. The reality is so different. So it's yeah, and we, all of a sudden, we find that out mostly when we get into our forties, or this is why you know, we get that, which is now why forties is, I guess, called the midlife of this century.
Speaker 1:But speaking of dating in your midlife, you know there was one thing that happened before my husband and I separated. There was somebody that we knew that, all of a sudden, the husband left and she's 65. That, all of a sudden, the husband left and she's 65. And I remember thinking, oh my God, if that happens to me at 65, I will die. And then, boom, it happened to me at 47, just like a couple of months after. But it's so amazing, the things that you find out about yourself once you're single again and once you're well, actually, right now I have no idea what I am. Am I single? Am I in a relationship still? Am I just separated? I have no idea. I call it the situation ship, but you know where I'm going with this. No, it's like it's, it's. There's such a stigma on the whole idea of having to date again after 40. And I think it's such crap.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do too. Like I think, um, I wish more people were less afraid, I guess. Like I come from a different perspective where, like I, I was in like a long-term partnership in my early thirties and then that ended and I've been single ever since. So like I don't think it's anything to be afraid of and I wish people who were in relationships that weren't satisfying because I know that sound really.
Speaker 2:Or I've heard of people like most of my friends I'd say are in really supportive, healthy partnerships, which is really wonderful. But I've heard stories about people who are married and it doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound like they're being respected or like they're being fulfilled and they're they're so afraid to step outside of that and yeah, I mean, it's just it's what I call staying in a comfortable hell.
Speaker 1:Instead of stepping outside of that comfort and looking for something else. I was like, in this day and age, it should, we should normalize. We have to normalize being single at any age. It's okay to if your relationship didn't last forever, you know, like you thought it would be. It's okay If you start dating at the age of 50, 65, or whatever age you want. It's okay not to have kids and to consciously choose not to have kids is all of that is okay, and I think we, we as women we put so many of these you know rules and regulations on ourselves that it's just, it's crazy on, like how you want to live your life and like that that's wonderful.
Speaker 2:But like, if you don't have that like being single and the peace of mind you have, yeah, it's just, it's. Yeah, it is scary. Like maybe I won't meet my forever person or maybe there'll be several people I'll meet that are I have these really great connections with, but they don't last forever. I'd rather deal with that fear than the feeling of being trapped and being not having that peace of mind and I think it's just like it's up.
Speaker 2:If you're going to make that break, you just kind of have to rethink and re create what your fairytale ending or fairytale life looks. Looks like because it's, you know, yes, you may have to date again. You may not meet like that prince charming person or you may. You totally could, like a lot of people, find love later in life. Like it's just, yeah, not just for the young. Um, I feel like when I do meet someone, I'm going to be so much better prepared for it because I'm going to know myself so much better than I did when I was like five and, you know, just wanted someone to love me and see me as valuable.
Speaker 1:And the whole thing is also like, if you don't meet that person and you just want to date randomly, it's okay, you know, it's just. There's no who says that you have to fit inside of that box when you reach a certain age. Who says, you know, so it's so important. But what would you advise to somebody who is recently single that now finds themselves, let's say, in their late 40s, early 50s, and they're trying to? You know, it's just. I remember when my relationship fell apart, it was really difficult to you know. The first thing we do is panic like, oh my gosh, what am I going to do now? And, um, what would you say to somebody who finds themselves single and you know, like your husband left or your partner left or is no longer interested in you, how do you go forward? What would be like the steps that you would recommend somebody take in that situation?
Speaker 2:I mean I would really start with dating yourself, taking yourself on dates. Learning, like learning to be alone and comfortable in your own company is a skill. It's not like I had to learn that Um, cause I felt like, especially in my twenties, if I wasn't out like partying or at a party or whatever um with friends on a date, that, like I was uncomfortable with my own company, with that quietness, and I sort of forced myself to learn how to find fun on my own. But I'm a huge fan of dating yourself. Taking yourself out for dinner this is embracing the element of choice that you can choose to do whatever you want and asking yourself what kind of food do I want, like, what kind of evening do I want to have?
Speaker 1:and I find the more you do those things, the more confident you become and yeah, what do you like as a person and not that person in a relationship?
Speaker 2:yeah, it's so so important yeah, like really embracing that and like giving yourself the freedom to explore that, even if it's uncomfortable, like sticking with it, Because there is like so much good stuff on the other side of that. And I also would say seek counseling or therapy even if you don't think you need it.
Speaker 2:It's so helpful to talk through things with someone who doesn't, who's not like I'm lucky I have like really supportive friends and family, but like they're not always going to tell you like the hard truth, the stuff you need to hear in order to break out of patterns.
Speaker 2:Yeah, true, holding on to and just it just helps so much to have someone to unpack things with. And yeah, even if it's like a few sessions, I find like breakups. Seeing a therapist for a bit is just such a good reset. And once you kind of feel comfortable, like once you've really starting to love being in your own company, like I would say it's okay to date, like you don't have to wait, you'll know when you're ready um and to um, not just do online but like get out into the world. Yeah, one interest that you're interested in I like that, even if it's like yoga or like group fitness classes, a running club, book club, because you might not meet your person but you might meet new friends and you need that like support network of like other single people or other people who you can relate to, and maybe they know someone who's single too and they can like say yeah eventually.
Speaker 1:But that is like such good advice. I love that. It's like the first thing that I did after our separation was actually get a life coach and you know, I had to start working on me and finding out who I am without being in a relationship or a marriage. And I think it's also very, very important to realize that you are not a sad middle something single person. You are not a cat lady. If you want to have cats, have cats, it's fine. It is not pathetic to be single. It really isn't. And I think we need to stop believing all of that crap that we have been fed when we were growing up about. You know what single looks like, or you know we don't have to be in a relationship. Men have to be in a relationship, women certainly do not have to. You know we are completely self-capable. And if you want to date, date, but please wait until you know yourself a little bit better before you start going into the dating world again. I think that's a solid, solid advice for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I also feel sorry in the sort of like umbrella of dating yourself. Do some travel, yes.
Speaker 1:Oh, I am always like the first one to say that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I knew, I knew you'd agree with this one. But, like, get out of your bubble. Yes, maybe you need to sometimes, you, you need to be somewhere else to learn something about yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, agree, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Now speaking, since you've mentioned travel and you are a travel writer as well I want to you know just before we started recording, we were talking a little bit and you did mention it earlier as well in this conversation that you are now looking to possibly move from a place you've been calling home for a very, very, very long time, which is, coincidentally, exactly what I'm going through at the moment as well.
Speaker 1:It's like I'm not sure if Saint Martin is my forever and it is and will always be my home of sorts, even though it is not where I was born and raised. But Saint Martin will always have like a special place in my heart, but I'm not quite sure if that is where I always, if I want to stay forever anymore. You know, things change and you now find yourself in that situation. Now I just decided to kind of like dip my toes in that by just moving temporarily for two months to Portland, which, oh my gosh, I have to tell you, is the most wonderful thing I've ever decided to do. So what are you thinking about and what is the reason behind you possibly moving, and do you already know where you might be heading to?
Speaker 2:be heading to. Yeah, so my reasons are. I mean, it's like there's a lot of things. I am a bigger city person and I feel like I've. I feel like I've grown to fit the size of my tank at this point, like when I moved back here from Toronto, it felt extremely liberating and open and like I could recreate myself, and now I feel like I've done what I needed to do and now I'm like I'm just ready for something that is bigger and that I feel I don't feel this sense of freedom here anymore. I feel like whatever I do, it's like people are watching, like that sounds really paranoid, but like no, but it, but it's actually, of course.
Speaker 1:I'm coming from a tiny little island in the Caribbean. Girl, I know what you're talking about. People are always watching, people are always in your business in small communities. It's just what small communities do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what could small communities do? Yeah and um, I'm really interested actually in visiting more places in the caribbean and um latin america, so I'm looking at potentially in the new year, um doing I'd like to visit colombia and I'd like to explore mexico more thoroughly and um, among many other places.
Speaker 2:but that those are, uh, I just really like I'm a sunshine person and I find I think this is another thing where, like people find the sort of like the gray moodiness of the pacific northwest really romantic. But yeah, which is why I'm here but I have.
Speaker 1:But in my case I I have the sunset, the sun, the sun that you're looking for, that always warm atmosphere. I have it back at home. So for me this is romantic. And right now I'm looking out the window and the trees are turning all sorts of colors and it's gray and it's wet and I'm like, oh my gosh, I freaking love it, yeah.
Speaker 2:I think we we always want something different, except, like there are people here who are really, really rooted in the culture here and they just love being on the west coast of Canada and fully embrace it and like, even though I grew up here and it will always be home, um, like, I always get this like nice sigh relief when I fly home from somewhere and I see, like my island approaching and I see Vancouver, and then I see the little islands and then I see the big island, like it's always such a great place to come back to, but like, culturally, like I find they're just it's limited. And I want to, like, I wanted that sort of at one point. I wanted that, that fantasy of like big, big city girl moves back to small, small town and meets a person, not as somebody who is not traveling as much as you are.
Speaker 1:You see different things. That's what travel does for us. It educates us on so many levels and it opens our eyes to all of these new opportunities and possibilities. So I can imagine that you you now find it very hard to even have a you know, a good conversation with anybody from your hometown hometown, because it's just so different yeah, like I have some amazing friends and they're also like they travel as much as possible as well and of both genders.
Speaker 2:But like outside of that friend group, it's yeah, I don't, I want to be. I don't. Also don't want to start anything with someone who wants to stay here forever because I know in my heart that, like, it's not a forever place for me. It will always be home, but it's not like where I feel the most free, like. I love places like like you're going to LA soon.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like my happy place, oh wow Okay, my happy place, oh wow okay. So now I'm even looking.
Speaker 2:I'm looking forward even more now to go into la and find out what makes you happy there probably the sunshine, but sunshine the food, the just sort of I don't know the the history, like sony movies and stuff and like old hollywood. Um, there's just something really cool about being in California. I also love Mexico because I love the culture, because it's more open and welcoming and I like the food. I'm just hoping to do some traveling and find myself in some communities where there's more digital nomads and expats and see.
Speaker 1:I just love that you're doing this now at your age, and that you you know that, because especially the digital nomad that you see online are all in their twenties, maybe early thirties the oldest but you don't see a lot of our age people that are just, and that's exactly what I try to do with this move to Portland was I want to know if I can actually live in different parts of the world for a little bit, maybe longer, and then see how that goes. Of course, I'll always have St Martin as my home, but it's so refreshing to see someone in their 40s doing this step. You are leaving behind everything that you possibly know to go into a completely new environment, whether you you just move to one place or you decide to become a digital nomad and travel all over. You know it's so refreshing to see that. I applaud you on that Really.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I think sometimes I'm like, am I just delusional? Like, am I just like? Sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm in my 40s, I should be doing something more grounded, or whatever.
Speaker 1:No, and I think that's exactly what we were fed. All you know, through growing up. We were always fed. My father used to always tell me you need to find something and settle down. I was like settling down to me is the most scary thing ever, like I'm scared to just settle down. I remember when I just moved to St Martin, I was telling my husband, after I met him, I don't want a loan because the loan makes me have to stay here for a while to pay it off. You know, I didn't even want to get a loan. I don't want to buy a house, because a house definitely well, I thought would get you stuck. But there are different ways to skin a cat, although I love cats so. But you know what I mean. So there are different ways that you can get to do it. I'm doing it now for two months. Maybe you're going to do it for longer, but at least you're going out there and you're trying it, regardless of your age. So absolutely kudos.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you. I mean I'd like to settle, but I'd like I wouldn't mind settling somewhere if it felt like it was the right place. I haven't found that yet. Or I mean for me to move to the United States like it's um, there's a lot of like hurdles and I'm not sure I would actually, although I love visiting, I don't think, given the political climate, like it does not really.
Speaker 1:No, I don't think it's for me too for long term, but I do like this two month break from island life for a little bit. You know, it's like it's working for me, um, but I'm just looking at a time and unfortunately it's just ridiculous when you're like it's such juicy conversation and you have to like, okay, this is a podcast, it's not just. You know, we're just not, we're not just having coffee here, although I wish we were, but so we do have to wrap it up, unfortunately. But before I go, I do want to talk a little bit about your podcast. What's behind the name? Um, you know we're never doing this again. I thought that is such, it's such a fun name, but what's behind it?
Speaker 2:So uh, it's basically like when um like in, like, like North America, like when people go on a date and there's a sort of like convention where, like, we should totally do this again sometime. And when I was thinking of a name for a podcast that's about dating and relationships, um, that was what came to mind. I was like we should never do this again.
Speaker 2:Never, um, and originally, like, the idea was to just talk about like weird dating stories, because I have so many of them, but it actually the conversations have evolved to be like more about like dating and relationships and just being in your 40s and beyond um's. It's kind of like out of this weird point where I'm like it's a dating podcast but it kind of isn't. Yeah, I don't know it might need a rebrand, but I love the name still, so I'm going to keep it.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly, but I did. I mean I love the name paradise perspectives and at the end of the day, it's still from the perspective of an island girl, so I'm keeping the name. But it's so much different now. We're not even talking exclusively about caribbean travel anymore. So I I just say, you know, go for it, go what's go for what's in your heart.
Speaker 1:It's like, gone are the days when you have to stick with something, just because your audience has grown to know you, just for that. It's like we are such multifaceted people and we have different passions and different things. That drives us. We should never stick to only one topic. And if you want to talk about I don't know, you want to talk about squirrels, and I'm bringing up squirrels because I'm looking at one now and they're fascinating, fascinating little creatures, you know, for somebody who's usually looking at iguanas out the window. So if you want to start talking about squirrels on your podcast, girl, by any means, just go and do it. You'll find your community regardless, you know, but you opened the door on that subject. I'm going to say you did this to community, regardless, you know, but, um, you opened the door on that subject. I'm going to say you did this to yourself, so, of course, I have to ask you, since that is what the podcast was supposedly all about when you started and I think you started in 2022. Is that?
Speaker 2:when you started a podcast it's been about two years. We've done about 25 episodes so far, so yeah, and I love it.
Speaker 1:It's like you're you've talked about I mean, your recent one was even about this this friend of yours who started a masturbation club. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's fascinating, yeah.
Speaker 2:Fascinating stuff. Yeah, he's. He's a dear friend of mine and he has started a masturbation club for men in Austin Texas.
Speaker 1:That's amazing. I listened to the episode and I was like what this is going? This is like, oh, you know, you just need to find your community. Whatever it is that you're into your other episode about. You know how it's completely, absolutely okay to consciously decide not to have kids. That is always one that I'm like 100% behind. But yeah, since you started this topic, I need to ask you what was one of your weirdest dates to date.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, I mean one that I had recently. Recently, it wasn't even really a date, but, um, we were kind of hanging out with friends as friends, I think he wanted it to be more and we went for lunch and then, near the end of lunch he started talking about like the sex life with his ex-girlfriend, like in really graphic details, what he's like oh, I know you write about this stuff like you're cool with it, but I'm like I don't really want to hear this like, and it was really kind of like offensive. I'm like, uh, yeah, I don't. I kind of tried to brush it off. And then after I left the date, like a I guess, like later that day maybe um, he sent like a bunch of pictures because he'd gone.
Speaker 2:So, no, no, no, well, it's not quite what you expect oh, okay left the island and he'd gone back to the mainland to hang out with some other friends and had gone to this fancy restaurant and then he sent um a bunch of pictures from the restaurant and like I was kind of already by then, I was kind of over the interaction so I didn't. Yeah, you know, when you send like an iphone it will sort of put all the pictures together and kind of like a little folder type thing yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll look at it later. So I waited and then when I finally opened it, I flipped through to the last one and it was like an illustration of like a penis, like a hand drawn, it was like. So it was like a, a penis, a illustration of an anus, an illustration of a vagina, and then two boobs side by side and it spelled out like the word love but in the body part.
Speaker 2:It was horrifying. I can't explain like why it was so. I was like, why did he send me this? And I google? I was like did a google image search because it's like maybe it's a weird graffiti art thing or like I don't know no, and it turned up there's nothing that matched it.
Speaker 1:So I mean he drew it himself and I was like so he, he, basically he just caught, got caught up all in the word sex, just because you're a sex colonist yeah, but it was like this creepy like penis picture and I'm like it was like well, this is a new take on like the, like the dick pic when you actually draw it yourself.
Speaker 2:I'm like what? Like yeah, there's just so many levels to like why that's just not right. And he made some gross comment, like when I reread the message and I won't repeat it because it's really like offensive.
Speaker 1:Well, I guess you're definitely never doing that again.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. No, I blocked him because I'm like I'm in a phase now where, like, if someone makes me like really uncomfortable, like that, and I don't have like a longstanding personal relationship where I feel I need to address it, I just block them. Yeah, because I don't have time. No, exactly I love it.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh exactly, I love it. Okay. So, simone, if anybody wants to listen to your podcast, please tell me, tell everyone, tell the listener where they can find you, where they can find you on social media, because I don't know if I said that in earlier in the beginning, but your Instagram is so pretty it is. It's, it's reminding me of Instagram, when Instagram just came on the scene when it was about the feed looking like uniformed and pretty pictures and but it's, but it's also very inviting. Um, it's, it's a beautiful feed. You have a really pretty feed. So how can people get in contact with you and where they can they find you? Where can they find your articles?
Speaker 2:um, well, thank you. I am kind of an old school instagrammer and I love having a visually appealing feed and I like yeah challenge myself to create these pictures because I want to see myself in the world.
Speaker 2:I want to have record of me looking luxurious in these settings. But yeah, you can find my podcast anywhere that you get podcasts it's. We're never doing this again. I'm also on social media, on Instagram at Simone underscore page, and then the podcast has has its own Instagram as well, which is never again pod, and I also write a sub stack newsletter called love, peace and tacos which, yeah, I subscribed and I love it.
Speaker 2:Every time it pops into my inbox I'm like so happy because it reminds me of tacos and tacos make me happy um, yeah, and that brings together my writing in food and sex and travel and it brings it together with some of the stuff I talk about on the podcast and I also have like um other like podcasts, extras, like visuals and stuff that come through that feed. So that's a really great place to find me and, yeah, I use that space to kind of bridge together all the different things I talk about and just share fun stuff that I'm into.
Speaker 1:So I love that. So for the listener, if you are interested in finding out more about Simone and you want to listen to our podcast, I have left links in the, in the, in the show notes, so you can go there and find all of the links on how you can continue to follow the conversation with Simone and also, of course, to listen to her podcast. We're never doing this again. Thank you so much for your time and thank you for so much for being in this conversation today. I so value you and I wish you so much luck and success with the next steps that you're about to take. Oh, I think it's so exciting thank you for having me.
Speaker 2:It's like such a pleasure talking to you, as always. Thank you.
