How to Live a Life With No Regrets

We’ve all been there... stuck replaying the “what ifs” and “should haves.”
In this episode, I’m breaking down how to stop dragging your regrets around and start using them as fuel. I share my current regret and the lessons I hope to get out of this mistake. Get ready for some real talk and a few laughs along the way.

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Mentioned in this episode:
My Delulu Trip to Panama
Watch on YouTube
| Listen on the podcast

Chapters

• 0:00 Invitation To Self-Love Event
• 1:20 Setting The Scene And A Confession
• 2:48 Acting As Your Future Self
• 4:40 The Salon Switch And Upsell Spiral
• 6:10 Keratin Decision And Immediate Regret
• 7:07 Panama Trip And Alarming Hair Loss
• 9:00 Returning To Trusted Stylist
• 10:30 Facing Regret And Its Weight
• 12:10 Lessons: Learn And Move On
• 14:20 Finding Humor And The Detour Mindset
• 16:20 Self-Compassion And Forgiveness
• 17:40 Turning Regret Into Gratitude
• 19:20 Mid-Edit Add: Power Of Thoughts
• 21:15 Worst-Case Framing And Perspective

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hey, it's Riselle, your island friend, confidant, and the host of this podcast. First of all, thank you so much for tuning in. I am so grateful you're here. I want to personally invite you to spend an intimate Sunday morning with me right here on my beautiful island of St. Martin. It is happening on Sunday, November 30th, and the theme is Self-Love, How to Stop Settling for Less. Now, if you've been spending your life chasing love, dimming your light just to be liked, or you're simply tired of playing small, now I guarantee this experience is for you. This isn't just another one of those workshops or feel-good session. No, not this one. This is a reset. You will walk out thinking differently about who you are and what you deserve. So I want you to join me on Sunday, November 30th from 9 a.m. until 12:30 p.m. here in St. Martin. All of the details are in the show notes, but I want you to also realize that you don't have to wait. Actually, don't wait because there are only 10 spots available, and believe me, they are going fast. Because this is important, and I cannot wait to see you there. Alright, now let's get into today's episode, shall we? Is this thing on? Girl, am I glad that you were able to make time for me today? Because I need to talk to someone. I did something really stupid, and I kind of like need you to kind of walk me off the ledge or get me off the ledge for a second here. Okay, let me start from the beginning. Now you remember a couple of episodes ago, a couple of videos ago, I made this episode about my Dululu trip to Panama. Remember that? If you don't, I'll put all of the information in the description of this video. And if you're listening on the podcast, you can find it in the show notes. Okay, I'm gonna link it all there. So I made this this video or this episode about my Dululu trip to Panama, and in that I spoke about how it is important to sometimes be totally delusional and pretend and act as if you already are the version of you that already has it all, you know. I and I took that super literally and super serious. Now, the whole point of that was that by acting that way, you kind of like signal to your nervous system that it's okay to become that version of you. So I went all the way. I mean, I pulled out all the stops, I did, I bought my outfits, I got some outfits that would really would look the part like I was gonna dress the way my future self will dress. I was gonna walk like she does, and I was gonna have my hair look like what I think her hair would look like. Now, normally with my curls, because I walk around with a fro, like most of you, if you know me for a little while, you know that normally my hair is not like this. Normally I would just go to the salon and I would blow dry it, and I would get kind of like the same effect. Other the other only thing is, of course, it doesn't last as long, as long as with a little bit of rain, it goes back to you know curls up. So I wanted something a little bit not permanent, but that lasts me longer when I do my blow dries. So I found this uh hairdresser, and she's absolutely wonderful. And she did this treatment with my hair that I'm kind of like let my hair kind of like look like this for longer, like for like two months. Uh, and then also when I wash it, my curls will come back, but my curls wouldn't be as tight, they'll be like bigger curls. So I thought, brilliant, perfect. I tried it a couple of times, worked wonderful. Now comes the time that I have to go to Panama, and I'm just like, I need to get this done. So I book her and she's already set. And the night before the appointment, which is the did that would have been two nights before I fly out. She calls and she says she has an emergency meeting in the morning, she cannot do my hair. Oh girl, I thought I was gonna die because this was super important to me. So I went to another hairdresser to whom I used to go back in the days, and I don't anymore for various reasons. So I went back to her, she had a spot open, thank God. I come in, and as soon as I sit down in her chair and I explain to her what I want, which is the same treatment that my regular hairdresser would normally do for me, she starts to kind of upsell me on different things. Now, if you know anything about me, I'm a very simple person with the exception of my hair. Like with my hair, I would spend the money to make my hair look a certain way. And my issue with my hair is that curls are great, but once I have it like blow-dried like this, it is so much easier for me to handle. Anyway, it's a little backstory for you there. Okay, so I sit in her chair and she's starting to upsell me on things, and then she comes with this different treatment, and she's already like, Yeah, this treatment that you're on is so good, yes, but what if you can make it last even longer? Like, what if it could last like six months? And I'm like starting to think about it. I was like, Oh, that sounds wonderful. What is it? And she tells me it's carotene. Now, anybody who has ever done carotene treatment in their hair knows that this is either it can go one of two ways either you're very happy or you're very discontent. That's like no middle ground with keratene. And from what I know, from all of my experience with you know, doing my hair for the as long as I've been playing around with my hair, is that carotene is a big no-no. My gut was telling me no, and this woman is just coming out with all sorts of like every time I tell her no, she comes in with a different way of trying to sell me because of course carotene is gonna cost more. So, anyway, she's relentless, she's given me like all of these other options, and this and white carotene is much better. Look at her hair, because her hair is done with carotene, and doesn't it look flawless? Yes, it does. I didn't notice that she was having like that, she had extensions done at that time. I should have noticed that. Um, so I said, you know what, pack, let's try the keratene. As soon as I said it as she started the treatment, I pretty much regretted that decision because the amount of chemicals that is in keratene, it's not funny. I mean, like once she was and it needs heat to kind of like activate it, and as soon as she started to put the iron on it and started to kind of like to get it straight, I was like, This is not good. This thing is not supposed to be like I could barely breathe, it was so suffocating with the smell of it and everything. Once it was done, I have to say it was wonderful. My hair looked amazing, it looked shiny and it was silky, and I was like really happy with the results until I noticed that my gray is now all of a sudden blonde. I mean, like, talk about chemicals. This is highly concentrated chemicals in this shit. So I was happy with the results, so I went home and we like all the way by the way. She was trying to still upsell me on microblading for my eyebrows, and why not do a little like plump action in my lips and look even better? And I was like, no, I'm a very, very simple person, not for me. Anyway, I walk out of there after seven freaking hours, and I got to Panama, had a wonderful time. As you could have seen in the video, if you ever get a chance to watch it again, I've linked it below so you can check it out. We came back home, and as soon as I got home, I started realizing that every time I brush my hair, there's quite a lot of hair that stays in the brush, and you know, I did what any sane woman would do. I ran to ChatGPT and asked for its opinion. Like, is my hair supposed to fall out so much? And chat is like, you know, it's normal to lose like 10 strands a day. And I'm like, okay, I can deal with 10, but then I started noticing that it wasn't 10 per day, it was 10 every time I touched my hair, it was 10 every time I brushed my hair. My bathroom floor was literally full of hair, it was just coming out every time I touched it. I would have it in a ponytail, and I would feel like there's hair in my face or hair on my shoulders. I'll go to like flip it back and then realize it's just hair that's staying on my shoulder, hair that's staying in my face, and it's just loose and hair that's just everywhere. I started to panic, but in my panic, I didn't want to go back to my actual hairdresser because I knew she was gonna cuss me out so bad because she has been warning me about this for so long. Anyway, I decided that I couldn't wait any longer, I had to do it. I mean, like literally, if you had seen my bathroom floor, you would understand. If you are on YouTube right now, you can check this out. This is a video of just one brush, just passing the brush like this, and this is what came out. So it was insane, it was crazy. I went back to her just a couple of days ago, actually, and she indeed cussed me out. And as she's washing my hair, I'm hearing her go, there's more coming out. Oh my god, and she speaks Spanish, so she's just like, Ay, Dios mío, pero que está pasando, ay Dios, and I'm just like, and I'm getting like worried and more worried. Like by now, I'm like convinced that by the time she's done washing my hair, I'm gonna come out with bald spots because, like, there's that obviously there's not gonna be any hair left, right? To cut a very long story short, I deeply regret my action, my decision had like real consequences, and I am dealing with these right now. Thankfully, she was able to do a little bit of magic, but we'll talk more about that later, anyways. What I want to really talk to you about is that regrets. Because here's the thing about regrets: I don't know about you, but I swore that I would never have regrets in my life because I don't believe in regrets normally. But this time, girl, this is different. This is my hair. I mean, like, if I'm going bald, I need to know. You know what I'm talking about? So I even went and downloaded this app that says that it can show you what your hair, what your face would look like with a certain hairstyle, and I tried it to see what I would look like bald. I mean, like, that's as far as I went. It doesn't look as good as I thought. Um, also, I even went and looked into wigs. I never thought I would wear wigs, but I would probably be willing to do so if I started losing more hair than I was. But regrets is the one thing that I try not to have in my life. I try to like if I make a mistake and I've made money in my life, if failure happens, I know to learn from it and I'll move on. But the thing about regret is that when you regret something, it stays, it lingers, it lives on, and then you stay in that situation where you're constantly like uh, you know, like what I was saying, like how could I be so stupid and how could I be so ridiculous? And why did I make this decision? You get stuck in the why and the what if instead of just learning the lesson and just move on. So I want to share with you a couple of other things that I'm trying now to get over this regretful action that I make, this one regret that I now have in my life. So I already mentioned the first one. The first thing that you need to know about regret is that the best way to get over it is to learn the lesson and move on. You made a mistake, you failed, boo hoo, learn the lesson and move on. Eventually, you'll probably even be able to laugh about it, you know? So there's this artist called Connor Price, and Connor Price is my absolute one of my favorite artists at the moment. His songs are very motivational, they motivate me to do better, to be better, and in his songs are quite inspirational as well. So I find quite some inspiration out of his songs. So he has one of his songs, and in it it has this line in which he says, I don't make mistakes, mistakes make me. And that's exactly how I want to live my life. I don't want the mistakes to actually destroy me, and I get hung up on what I did wrong, and I start and cut and I completely stay in that place where I keep blaming myself for something I have done no matter how long ago. I learn from those mistakes and those mistakes that make me do better, be better, right? And you know what the thing is also about when you learn the lesson and you move on, eventually you will see the humor in it, and you will. I know, I'm sure I will be laughing my ass off at the end when finally my hair goes back to normal. I'll be laughing about this, and I know that whatever you are going through, no matter how deep, how bad, how painful, regret is never the way to go because regret is just gonna keep you in that mindset, so you need to step out of it, and eventually, even in the most disastrous moments of your life, there is some humor to find in it. Okay, so that's another way to kind of deal with regret, and not just to know that eventually there will be a day when you get to laugh about it if it wasn't too serious. I hope another thing that I try to do about it when I make mistakes, when I fail, is I like to do a little detour. It's like taking on you know, it's like taking when I travel, when I travel by myself and I take a wrong way and I end up somewhere where I didn't expect, but that's actually sometimes was even better than what I had wanted to do in the first way. Like if I didn't take that detour, I wouldn't end where I am today. And I'm a serious believer that everything happens for a reason. I mean, like, who knows this mishap with my hair? Who knows what it is going to bring in my path, right? I don't know. I guess we'll have to see. Another really big thing that I do every time is I show myself compassion. I have compassion for myself and I forgive myself. Forgiving yourself is so important when you've made a big, terrible mistake and you are stuck in that regret. It is important to forgive yourself. Help, have some compassion, you know, see the mistake that you made and forgive yourself for it. After all, you are only human. We make mistakes and it's okay. Sometimes, yes, those mistakes will have disastrous outcomes, but at the end of the day, you need to show yourself compassion and forgive yourself for what happened or what what stupid mistake you have made. And the last thing I want to tell you about regret, how at least how I'm handling it, is that I turn it into gratitude, I turn it into something to be grateful for. And I know right now you're like, Rizal, you are cocoon for cocoa-ofs because how can you see something to be grateful about your hair falling out or whatever it is that you're regretting in this moment in your life? Well, why not take that mistake and take the lesson that there's undoubtedly in there somewhere and be grateful for whatever the lesson in it is. Be grateful for that lesson, whether that lesson has presented itself to you or already or not. The thing is that you cannot rewrite your past. I mean, like you cannot rewrite it and give it another end. That's not how it works. But what you can do is you can choose and have complete control on what story you tell next. So I hope that whatever regret you are in at the moment, that these little tips will help you navigate through it. So I'm jumping in mid-edit here because of course, while I start editing this episode, I remember a couple of things that is very important to add into this particular episode, and that is the power of your thoughts. And I think we don't talk about this enough, and it is so important to realize that you have the power of changing your thought. A lot of times when we are stuck in regret, that is basically the thought pattern that keeps repeating itself, and we keep thinking about, oh my God, I'm so stupid. How could I have been so stupid? This is crazy. Why am I why was I so stupid to make this mistake? And we get thought, we get caught up in all of that negativity and without realizing or remembering how powerful we are, because we get to change our thought pattern. If this thought is keeping you in regret, then why not change it to something positive? First of all, remember all the things that we already spoke about. One, change that thought pattern to what if there's a lesson here? Second, be grateful for this opportunity because whatever bad has happened or that you seem or to deem very, very bad, perhaps something really good is gonna come out of it. You know, remember that nothing happens just like that. It always happens for a reason. So there's a reason why you made this big mistake. This big mistake could be catapulting you into a complete different direction that you're supposed to be on. So be grateful for that. Another thing is also think of what if the what is the worst thing that could happen? Like for me, for instance, with my hair, and I know this is like so small compared to some major regrets out there, right? But what if I go bald? What if what is the worst thing that could happen? I have no hair and I have to start my whole hair growth journey again. It's not the end of the world, it really isn't. So I think it is important to remember how you can change your thoughts, and that's I think one of the best things, the best ways of getting over regret. And now I want to know from you what is that one regret that you are now finally ready to let go of? I want to know. Like, let me know in the comment section if you are listening on Paradise Perspectives Podcast right now. All you have to do is send me an email to hello at the traveling islandgirl.com. And before I let you go, there's one more thing that I want to ask of you, and that is this. If you want more of this type of content, if you are on YouTube, go ahead and hit that subscribe button, you know, so you can always be ready to receive more of this content that will help you grow, help you with your personal development, and even tell stories about stupid little mistakes that I make, of which you know, sometimes we can learn from. Hit subscribe if you can, hit follow. If you are an Apple Podcast, leave a review because those really, really help. And if you have a topic that you want me to talk about next, all you have to do is send me an email, let me know what you wish for me to talk about because your wish at the end of the day is my command. I am here to serve you, I am here to help you grow. And I really hope that you accept this invitation to become part of my tribe. If you're not doing so on YouTube or Paradise Perspectives, another way that you can stay in contact with me is by joining my mail list. I send once a week, I send motivational and inspirational emails to help you stay on top of your personal growth. So all you have to do is go in the show notes if you're listening on Paradise Perspectives. And if you're not and you're watching this on video right now, go in the description in uh below this video where you will find a link that will take you to that. And if you sign up for my mailing list, I have a very free gift for you, and it's a very interesting thing. It is a Zen, an island Zen meditation bottle that you get for free. It's like four meditations in there for you to practice meditation if you want to. Okay, that's it for me. I am so happy that I got this off my chest. Thank you so much for listening to me ramble today. I am eternally grateful to you. So, what are we gonna do about regrets? Yeah, that's right. We are going to learn from our mistakes and we are gonna let them the fuck go. Okay, and that's it for me. It is time for me to hit the sack because tomorrow is another work day. So I hope you have an amazing day. Thank you wherever you are in this world. My name is Friselle. It was a pleasure hanging out with you again. Bye.