001: How God Gave Us Brinkley (with Christopher Heeter)

Tune in for a quick introduction to me, your podcast host, Kayla Heeter, and hear all about how God went about giving us our first child, our daughter, Brinkley. If you want even more details, feel free to check her full birth story in blog form HERE.

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Transcript

Kayla 0:02

Well, hello everyone, and welcome to our official first episode of the Surrendered Birth Stories Podcast. And before we jump in, I just wanted to take a little bit of time to introduce myself and kind of explain the heart behind this podcast. So my name is Kayla Heater. I live here in Greensboro, North Carolina with my husband Chris Heater and our four children. We have our daughter Brinkley, who's nine, our son Milo, who's six, our son Jensen, who is three, and our son True, who just turned two. And we have one on the way actually, due in October, and that we will not know the gender of that one until he or she comes out. So we're excited for that surprise. I run a business called Surrendered Birth Services based here in Greensboro, North Carolina. And that is a huge part of why I'm doing this podcast. So before 2021, I would say I never actually listened to a podcast. Maybe like one that my husband told me to or something, but I I was not a fan. I didn't understand the hype behind them. And I I just wasn't, it just wasn't my thing. Um, but then somehow, someway, um, when I realized that I could learn, which is that's just one of my strengths. I love to learn. I'm a learner. I'm constantly trying to learn things. So when I realized that I could learn while I was driving or doing dishes or folding laundry or taking a shower or going on a walk or whatever, I became a little obsessed with podcasts. Um, I started listening to a number of different podcasts. Um, this is back in uh 2021, I believe. Uh some of my favorites were and are uh the Family Teams podcast with uh the Beth Keys and the Priors. I also love, love, love, love the 1000 Hours Outside podcast with Jenny Urich. My husband says she's my spirit animal. Um I also found the Happy Home Birth podcast. Ironically, a few months after I had a home birth with Caitlin Fusco, and that has been such a joy to listen to, so inspirational. Um, and then also I love to listen to the Down to Birth podcast with Trisha and Cynthia. I feel like I'm constantly, you know, there's so much to learn in the birth world, and I feel like I'm constantly learning. So um I really try to listen to those ones every week. They are my favorites. But uh even though I have several podcasts that I love and I glean so much from, um, I just felt like there was something missing. So Jesus is the central part of my life in my family's life. We love Jesus, we follow Jesus. And he's so intricately weaved throughout my day-to-day, and I've learned so much from him, especially when it comes to birth, that I I was longing for a space to not only hear birth stories that would lift me up, but that would also lift my faith as well. Um and when others share their testimonies of how Jesus was a part of their conception or pregnancy, labor, birth, or postpartum, um, and ultimately how they surrendered their birth plans to him, that's what was missing. Now there are, you know, birth podcasts out there and um birth stories out there where people mention Jesus because, you know, there are a lot of believers out there. But I just I felt like I really wanted one where I knew that not only was I gonna hear about birth, but I was also gonna hear about Jesus and have my faith lifted. So also, as much as I love listening to all the other birth podcasts, um, nearly every resource or birth worker mentioned in them lives nowhere near me. So I wanted a space uh to invite local birth workers uh to share their hearts and their knowledge on topics surrounding birth and for other mamas like local to our area of the triad in North Carolina to be made aware of their services. So the birth world is such a community, one that I am so honored and privileged to be a part of. And I just really hope this podcast can be a resource for all, whether it's inspirational, educational, spiritual, or all of the above. So, for our very first episode, I thought it would be fitting for y'all to hear my first birth story and the journey of how my husband Chris and I became parents. So, without further ado, here goes episode one of the Surrendered Birth Stories Podcast. Well, welcome to the pilot episode of Surrendered Birth Stories. This is a very exciting moment for me. I am your host, Kayla Heater, and today my guest is none other than my husband.

Chris 5:55

The hubs.

Kayla 5:56

Chris Heater. Um, I thought it would be a perfect way to start out this podcast by telling the start of our story or my story of becoming a mother and then becoming a doula shortly after that. So um Chris and I, a little backstory, had dated for about seven years um before we got married, high school sweethearts. And then um, once we got married, I was bound and determined to not have kids for 10 years or more. That was my goal. Ten years I wanted plenty of time for us, plenty of time to travel, plenty of time to uh build my career, which was teaching. I used to be a first grade teacher, um, and I really, really enjoyed it and spent a lot of time on that. So I was uh nowhere near ready to become a mom.

Chris 7:04

Yeah, we wanted to basically get to the point where there were um there was enough stability to be able to put some variables into the equation, is such as children.

unknown 7:14

Right.

Kayla 7:16

Right. So um, however, a couple of years into our marriage, uh about just under two years, um through a series of different events and situations, God really started to change our hearts um towards becoming parents. And he really made it very clear um through a lot of prayer and a lot of different signs um that we were supposed to start a family. And so much so that as soon as we'd stopped preventing um any sort of conception from happening, we conceived.

Chris 7:56

It was a sure shot.

Kayla 7:58

It was a sure shot. Um, which was really for us confirmation that we had heard from the Lord very clearly that it was time for us to start a family. So two years into marriage um and nine years into our relationship, we were pregnant. Woohoo! Woohoo! Um, we I think had a pretty typical normal uh first-time pregnancy for the modern American family. I was 24 years old, I think. 24. Yeah, because I was 22 when we got married. So I was 24 years old, and I had the typical first trimester nausea. I didn't do so much vomiting for my first pregnancy, it was really just a few times, but the nausea was very present. But it was summertime, so for the most part I was able to just sleep it off. Because you were a teacher, because I was a teacher and I was off for the summer, so that was quite a blessing. Um, but I would say by like 14 weeks or so it pretty much cleared up for me, which was really good. Um, and I felt much, much better after that. I was seeing um my OBGYN, who I'd been seeing for the last couple of years, because I honestly didn't know there were any other options. I didn't know you could see anyone besides an OBGYN. I didn't know you could deliver a baby anywhere but a hospital. So this was the year 2013 when I got pregnant, just to give you a timetable. Um, so I went to my regularly scheduled appointments um every month, then every two weeks. Um everything was pretty run of the mill. I would go to my appointments, wait for a long time, then see whoever was, you know, in the office rotate, because they have you rotate through everybody. And I think there were 10 um doctors in my practice. So I had to see a lot of different doctors. You would see them for a couple minutes, and then off you went. Chris came with me to every single appointment the first time around.

Chris 10:17

That's me. I'm Chris, by the way.

Kayla 10:18

Yes, Chris, my husband. Um, he was there for every appointment because back then, and still a little bit, I was very um epitophic of doctors, hospitals, needles in particular, blood. Um, all of that made me very anxious, nervous, uncomfortable, jittery, uh, shaky, dizzy. I am known to faint and pass out after giving blood. I'm known to shake while, you know, getting any sort of shot or injection or anything. So, um, but between the let's see, between the blood draws and the glucose test, which was awful by the way, and the uh Rogam shot and all I mean everything, it was I was a hot mess. So, but thankfully he was there. He was there. Um okay, so fast forward to the end of the pregnancy. I was 36 weeks, and that's when they start having you come every week, and they check your cervix, which I didn't know at the time that you could decline. I just thought that was um what you were supposed to do. So they checked my cervix 36 weeks. I was one centimeter dilated and 50% effaced, which back then I really didn't know, you know, context-wise exactly what that meant. I just knew that that was better than zero. And so my doctor says, Wow, you know, you're already dilated, you're probably gonna have this baby early, like before your due date. And I was like, Oh, cool. That's awesome. It's January by now, by the way. Um, and so then I go to my 37-week appointment and they check me and they say, Oh, you're two centimeters dilated now, and you are um, you know, a little over 50% effaced. And they said, You're probably not gonna make it to your next appointment. You're you're probably gonna have the baby this week. And I was like, What? Like 37 weeks? Like I just was not, I didn't realize it would happen that early, especially since it was my first time. And I just thought whatever the doctor said was true. So I called my mom who lived in Florida because she wanted to come um be there for the birth, not in the room, but just you know, at the hospital. And so I called her and I said, um, pack your bags, you need to drive up because the doctor said, you know, I'm gonna have the baby this week or any day. So like come on up. So she quickly gathers her stuff and she leaves like early the next morning and she's there at 37 weeks. So honestly, I really enjoyed that. It was nice to have her there um at the end of the pregnancy because she was very helpful. Laundry dishes, cooking meals. It was amazing. I would go to work and teach all day. I would come home to a clean house and a home-cooked meal. So it was really nice.

Chris 13:33

Unfortunately, that's much more than what I could offer at the time.

Kayla 13:36

Yeah, well, it's okay. Um, so then uh surprise, surprise, I did not have the baby that week. I went in for my 38-week appointment and they checked me, and I was now three centimeters dilated and 75% effaced. And the doctor said, Oh, you're gonna have this baby like any day now. He's like, You're not making it to your next appointment. Like, don't even bother, like, don't even bother scheduling it. Like, you're gonna have this baby any day. And I was like, Okay, like that's what you guys said last week, okay. So I'm believing them and thinking that this is gonna happen, which makes the waiting game that much harder. Because when someone's telling you you're going to have your baby and you don't know any better, so you're like, Oh, you believe them, you know, it's very frustrating, very frustrating. So another week goes by. I don't have the baby. Um, oh gosh, I just remember how hard that was. Every, you know, every day feels like a week, and every week feels like a month, and it just drags on and on.

Chris 14:47

It's just disappointing because you're so excited and antsy for to meet your child.

Kayla 14:52

Yes, I wanted to meet her, I wanted to see what she looked like. I also was not the biggest fan of pregnancy, so I was ready to be done with that as well. Um, but anyways, 39 weeks comes and I go back to the doctor, they check me again, and now I'm four centimeters dilated and 90% effaced, and of course I get the same spiel, and I'm like, hold your tongue because this is what you've said the last few weeks, and it hasn't come true. So just hold it right there. So then the doctor said, Okay, well, let's just go ahead and schedule an induction then. And I was like, an induction? What's an induction? I had no idea what that was. And he said, Well, it's literally this is what he said. He said, Well, you'll just come to the hospital and we'll give you some medicine to make you have your baby, and you'll have your baby that day.

Chris 15:49

And how convenient.

Kayla 15:51

How convenient. I was like, Really?

Chris 15:53

I can choose my child's birthday.

Kayla 15:55

That's so cool. Like, that's amazing. I mean, and that's all he said that there was no explanation of the process. There was no like talk of risks or benefit, like nothing. It was just like, well, let's schedule an induction and you can just have this baby. So this was I was 39 weeks, so he scheduled it for the day of 40 weeks, which was a Monday. He scheduled it for a Monday, which was the day I was gonna be 40 weeks. And so I was just, I mean, I knew nothing. And so I was like, okay, great. And I got so excited, and I told my husband, you, and I told my mom, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna be induced on Monday, and we're gonna have the baby on Monday. Like, you know, just and I didn't know any better. Um, thankfully, by a miracle of the Lord, I did not make it to Monday and I went into labor beforehand, which was honestly such a blessing because now knowing what I know about inductions and having seen everything I've seen with inductions as a doula, it's just like, I'm just so glad that I did not have to go through that.

Chris 17:08

Which thankfully there's a time and a place for inductions, and they can be a really useful tool in certain situations.

Kayla 17:15

But very rarely.

Chris 17:16

Rarely. And so my um anyway, it was it was really interesting just to understand that we could schedule this thing and we're we're gonna go ahead and say, Hey, this is the day that you're gonna have your baby. That was just strange to me.

Kayla 17:31

It would have been considered an elective induction because I had absolutely no medical reason as to why I needed one. Okay, so a few days later, okay, I said it was January and I'm a school teacher. So we had, you know, been doing all of the things at home to try and put me into labor, none of which was working. Between the breast pump and you know, being intimate and walking and trying to do the spicy food, like all the things, nothing was working.

Chris 18:01

We made a lot of friends at the mall.

Kayla 18:03

We did make a lot of friends at the mall doing the walking the loop. The laps at the mall for a long time. Um, anyways, so we um all of a sudden we had a snow day. It snowed and I didn't have to go to school. School was canceled, so I got to sleep in. I got to just relax. I had no responsibilities for the day. I took a long shower. I just like spent the whole day relaxing and doing whatever I wanted to do. And apparently that was the trick. That's what I needed to do. I needed to stop trying to go into labor and to just relax.

Chris 18:45

Well, at that point, you were you were your body was just so tense from the anticipation.

Kayla 18:49

It really was. It really was. So that night, um, it was around six o'clock. We were having dinner, which by the way, was pizza bagels. A childhood nostalgic favorite meal of mine that my granny used to make me all the time pizza bagels. We're having pizza bagels um on the couch, and I was feeling crampy. Um, so I got a heating pad, and my mom was like, Oh, maybe this is it. And I was like, no, mom.

Chris 19:20

Like at this point, how long has she been at our house?

Kayla 19:23

Two weeks. From out of town, from out of town, a little over two weeks.

Chris 19:27

Um wow.

Kayla 19:28

So um, so I said no. I said, they're just cramps. I said it, they're not coming in waves like contractions, they're just cramps. And so just put the heating pad on. We watched um this Christian comedy show that was actually really funny.

Chris 19:43

Thou shalt laugh.

Kayla 19:44

Thou shalt not laugh. That's what it was called. Was it called Thou Shall Laugh?

Chris 19:48

It was called Thou Shalt Laugh.

Kayla 19:49

Oh, and that makes sense.

Chris 19:50

Like Michael Jr. and some other folks. Michael Jr. It was actually it was very funny.

Kayla 19:54

It was really funny. We still make jokes about some of the jokes that were in that didn't. Anyways, so I thought it was good. We spent like three hours laughing, which was really nice. Um, but my cramps went away and everything stopped. And it was like, okay, cool, it's time to go to bed. So everyone went to sleep. And mind you, my sister also lived with us at the time. Um, so my mom and her, everyone was upstairs asleep. And when I laid down to go to bed, the cramps came back, but this time they were coming in waves, and they were a little sharper than they were before. And um, they were coming like every 10, 10 or 15 minutes.

Chris 20:38

How prepared were you for the first onset of actual contractions, just from an education standpoint?

Kayla 20:45

Oh, this is a good point. Thank you for bringing this up. The um the education that I had was I read the book What to Expect When You're Expecting, which I laugh about now. Like now, if someone tells me that's all they've read, I'm like, you know nothing. But I read that book and I also we took a hospital birth class that was a hospital birth class. I'm just gonna leave it at that.

Chris 21:16

It I learned how to change diapers.

Kayla 21:18

Yeah, Chris learned how to change a diaper. I learned what it looks like when you get an epidural. Um, and that was that's all I remember. That's pretty much it. Yeah. Um I just remember, I do remember in the hospital birth class, they did show, they showed three different videos. It was one was a natural birth, but literally the whole time, it was this woman who looked totally miserable, by the way. And they were like, You won't give birth like this. Don't worry, like women don't give birth like this, like you won't be on your hands and knees, you know, like this isn't how it's gonna happen. But she looked like she was dying in the video. And I was like, this is a horrible video to show people, it's so scary. And so I was like, I'm definitely not doing that. And then they showed the epidural video. Well, hello, needle phobia. I was like, holy crap, that's a big needle, like just totally freaked out by it. And was like, okay, maybe I don't want to do that. Um, and then they showed the C-section video, and I was like, okay, I absolutely don't want to do that. And then I remember looking at Chris and he and I said, I don't want to do any of those. And you're like, um, you're out of options. You're like, you're gonna have to choose one. And I was like, oh gosh, like, I don't know. Um, I did land on planning for an epidural, by the way. I figured that that needle would give me relief from pain, at which I had a very low pain tolerance and was definitely not um mentally prepared for labor. So I did plan an epidural from the beginning. But I had um a friend who was going through doula training and she offered to be my doula, which I didn't even know what a doula was. I had never heard that word before. So she kind of explained it to me and I was like, okay, but I can still get an epidural, right? And she was like, Yeah, you can. I was like, okay, well, cool. I was like, I just want to make it, I knew enough to to know that I wanted to be like further along in labor before I got it, just so I didn't like stall out and needosin. Cause I had just heard horror stories about Pitocin, which no, I didn't know that I would have had to have Pitocin for an induction. But um, I just that was like our prayer. I just remember praying like we don't want Pitocin. Like that was like, we don't want Pitocin. That that's our prayer for this birth. No Pitocin. Um, so anyways, that was my my labor education and prep. That was about it.

Chris 23:56

When you told me you wanted a doula, I was like, a what?

Kayla 23:58

A what?

Chris 23:59

What's that thing? Is it like this sounds like a head wrap?

Kayla 24:02

Oh, yeah, I didn't know what it was either. And now I am one, which is really cool. Um okay, so I go to bed, I lay down, I start feeling these contractions like every 10 or 15 minutes. Mind you, I had never had a single Braxton Hicks contraction leading up to this.

Chris 24:20

Oh wow, I don't remember that.

Kayla 24:21

Yeah, with my first um I only saw it on Friends. Oh. That was a Friends episode where Ross shows up with Twizzlers at the hospital because he left Mona on a date at the movie.

Chris 24:32

Fun fact, we uh we we speak in Friends quotes in our family.

Kayla 24:38

So um, okay. So these are my first ever contractions I've ever had. So I'm excited and I'm giddy because I'm like, oh my gosh, this is finally it. It is finally happening. So even though I was in early labor and I should have gone to sleep, I did not. I got up. It was like 11 o'clock at night, and I texted my doula and said, like, hey, just want to let you know, be on call because I think things are starting. Um, and she was like, Okay, I'm gonna go to sleep. And I was like, How could you sleep in an hour like this? But then everyone else was asleep. Chris was asleep, my mom, everyone was asleep.

Chris 25:19

I remember going to bed and you were just pacing.

Kayla 25:22

Yes. Well, so I started pacing. I went downstairs, I was pacing, I was pacing the whole house, honestly. And I ended up um ended up turning on what to expect when you're expecting the movie, which I find hilarious to this day, by the way. It's so funny. So I wanted to watch it during labor to distract me. So sitting on the birthing ball, and I was praying in these contractions. And I was just praying to Jesus and saying, like, Lord, please bring me another contraction. Make this be it. I want to be in labor. Bring me another contraction. And when I would have the contraction, I would say, thank you, Jesus. Thank you for this contraction. Like, this is amazing. Thank you so much for this contraction. Because I just like I was so excited and I wanted it to keep going. I didn't want it to stop because I had heard, you know, about other labors like fizzling out. And so I was just determined that this was gonna be it. So I would say after however many hours, few hours, I stopped praying. I didn't need to pray them then anymore, and I definitely was not praising through them anymore. And it shifted. I shifted from early labor to active labor. And I was uh yeah, I wasn't too happy anymore. Um, I remember I woke you up and I said, Hey, like I'm in labor, like this is it. And he and you said, Do we need to go to the hospital now? And I said, No, not yet. And he said, Okay, well, wake me up in time for me to shower before we go to the hospital. And then you turned back over and went right back to sleep. And I was like, How could you sleep at a time like this?

Chris 27:10

But I was just the same thing to your doula.

Kayla 27:12

Yeah, well, yes, I just I didn't understand why nobody else was as excited as I was. I I don't know, you know, a lot of first-time moms feel that way, giddy, anxious, like which again, I should have gone to sleep, but I like my hormones and emotions were all over the place, so I I just couldn't. But I really wish I would have. Um if I'd known how much longer it was.

Chris 27:38

It's almost like you get the jitters.

Kayla 27:39

Yeah.

Chris 27:40

It's very it's almost like I I can't I can't go to sleep because I there's just like this.

Kayla 27:44

I'm too excited.

Chris 27:46

Yeah, right.

Kayla 27:47

I was too excited. So then um, I remember around 2 a.m. I was like, okay, this is serious. They were coming, you know, by the book, like every five minutes, lasting for a minute, and that had been happening for an hour. So I was like, okay, it's time, it's time to go. So I called them, like the hospital or my doctor and said, like, hey, we're gonna come in. And right before we left, though, my body started purging itself, which, you know, I found out later was like a sign of definitely urine labor, but because your body's like clearing itself out um to make room for the baby to come down. But I didn't know that at the time, and I was like, why can't I stop going to the bathroom? And why can't I stop throwing up? Like it was just, you know, but I got it all out, and then we got in the car. And oh my car contractions, car tractions. Those those are the worst. Those were the worst. And we only lived, what, 15 minutes from the hospital? And you probably got there in like 10 because it was 3 a.m. on a Thursday morning and you were driving pretty swiftly.

Chris 29:02

I was fast and furious mode.

Kayla 29:03

Yeah, because I just told you I was like, drive faster, get there. I don't know, being in the car and having contractions is no fun at all. So we get to the hospital, my doula meets us there. We go to triage, they check me. Um, I'm still a four, maybe like four and a half, and still 90%, but they could tell it was definitely an active labor. So we're like, okay, you're gonna stay. I'm like, okay, cool. I didn't know that I was maybe not gonna stay. So they put me in a room. Um, and I remember just having a moment. My uh Doula and Chris went to go check in and get their badges, and I was just sitting alone in the room looking around, like this is it. I'm gonna have my baby today. Like just having that moment of like surreal realization this is happening. I just vividly remember that moment. And then we labored. Boy, did we labor.

Chris 30:07

We uh You did so good, by the way.

Kayla 30:10

Oh, thanks. I don't like looking back, I'm like, that was the worst I did out of the four.

Chris 30:16

Considering where you were in life, man. What a change.

Kayla 30:20

Where I was in life, my pain tolerance and my needle phobia. Yeah. So we walked the halls, um, we did like the slow dancing move, sat on the ball. I I mean, the time really honestly went by so fast. You know, I was like in labor land, didn't really know. But every time they would check me, like I really wasn't progressing. I made it to like a five. Um, but I was there for like nine hours, and I was still just at a five. Like I stalled out at a five. And I think because at that point, my body began fighting the contractions, and I was no longer like handling them, I was just like fighting them. And I was curled up in a ball on the hospital bed in the fetal position, crying, like, but I didn't want to ask for the epidural because I didn't like I was didn't want anyone to be disappointed in me because I hadn't made it, you know, further than a five. I wanted to make it to a seven. I don't know why I had my my mind fixed on the number seven.

Chris 31:28

I remember if there was a number that we wanted to hit before like it was the goal. Seven.

Kayla 31:33

Seven was the goal. Um and I just but I wasn't getting a break. It was like the contractions were constant and they would never completely stop between the peaks. It was like they would come down, but then they would go back up again, and they wouldn't like I would never get like a full break. And I was, I just felt like awful. It was, it was bad. I was and I was in a really bad mental state too, just like waiting until I could have the epidural. And I'll never forget this moment. I was like curled up crying. You guys were trying to get me to look in your eyes and like get it together. And I was like, uh the doula was trying to get me to go into the tub or into the shower, and I was like, I don't want to move. Like, I just don't want to move. And I was crying, and I remember hearing you say, you looked over at a nurse and you said, I think she's ready for the epidural now. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I've never loved you so much in my whole life. Like, I was just so grateful that you asked for it for me, um, so that I didn't have to, so that it wasn't me who like requested it. It was really, really sweet moment.

Chris 32:44

Yeah, part of it was I just hated seeing you in that much pain. Yeah. You know, because I mean it wasn't a good, it wasn't a good feeling you were going through. Nope. And you were um you had reached a a threshold of you know, not really being even able to think clearly.

Kayla 33:01

So I I and mind you, like I all this pressure, not physical pressure, just like mental and emotional pressure that I didn't realize like I was dealing with, but that was everybody was in the waiting room. Like my mom was there, my sister was there. Okay, let me tell you, I was one of the first people in my family to have a baby. Um, definitely the first of my siblings, but the first of many of my cousins. I had a couple cousins, but none locally. None of my local cousins had had a baby. And so literally, aunts, uncles, cousins, all in the waiting room during my labor. Like, like I just, and I obviously wasn't out there, but I'm just like, oh, all these people are waiting on me to have a baby. Like my dad and stepmom were driving down from Ohio, like it was just like, oh my gosh, all these people, and here we are, however many hours later, and I still haven't had this baby. So we changed things the second time around for that. Um okay, so we get the epidural, and I handled it. Thank you. The worst part was the the numbing shot. That was worse. Because then, like, once you were numb, the epidural itself really just felt like someone was um pushing a what are those things called that you play pool with? Pool stick? Yeah. Is that what it's called? Yeah. A pool stick. Is that really what it's called?

Chris 34:35

You know, I as a man, I should probably know.

Kayla 34:39

Okay. Well, whatever those big sticks are that you hit the pool balls with at the pool table.

Chris 34:43

Is it called a Q stick?

unknown 34:44

I don't know.

Kayla 34:45

We'll have to look that up.

Chris 34:46

Yeah.

Kayla 34:47

You can tell we obviously don't play pool. Anyways, but it felt like that was being shoved into my back. That's what the epidural going in felt like to me. So it didn't hurt, it was just a lot of pressure. Um, but it was only working on one side, so they were like turning me to the other side. I remember them just kind of turning me, and then I took a nap. A much needed nap. Um, which was really, really awesome. I really thoroughly enjoyed that nap. It was much needed and appreciated.

Chris 35:20

I'm sure more than just you needed the nap.

Kayla 35:22

Well, you left at that point. You went to go like talk to everybody and eat food and stuff, because then of course I wasn't allowed to eat food. So I just remember like, okay, I'm gonna take a nap. Um, woke up and the doctor came in for the first time, I think that day. Maybe he came in like very first, like when I first got there at like 3 a.m. or something. But then I remember like I didn't see him again until late afternoon. And he um he checked me and I was six centimeters, and he was like, Well, I want to see you make more progress, so we're gonna break your water. And I was like, Okay, whatever, sure. I didn't know anything, so I was like, okay, break my water, great. So they broke my water, of course I couldn't feel it because I had the epidural. Also, this is just a little known fact, I did not want a catheter, and I was very insistent on not having a catheter, which catheter is like standard of care when you have an epidural, but I did not want one. So my nurse said, Well, if you can pee in a bed pan in the bed with this epidural, I won't make you get a catheter. And lo and behold, I did it. Bound and determined, bound and determined not to get a catheter. Because I'd also heard about like catheter injuries, and I was just like, I don't want one of those tubes up in, anyways. So um, I did have to like push on my bladder to get it to come out, but I know a full bladder is not good for labor, so I didn't know that then, but I know that now. So, anyways, a few more hours go by, and I'm just kind of hanging out. Started watching a movie, um, Enchanted. Anybody ever seen Enchanted?

SPEAKER_02 37:09

No.

Kayla 37:09

That is one of my very favorite movies. Yes, I love that movie. Um, so we're watching it like on a computer, and like halfway through it, I was like, man, I am in pain again. Like I'm just starting to feel all this again. So it like turned me over again. I remember we requested the nurse to come back and I was like, can we up the dose of this epidural? Because when you expect to feel nothing and you start feeling things, you're like, okay, something, something's off. So she comes in to up my epidural, but she's like, just let me check you. Mind you, it had been 45 minutes since the um doctor broke my water. Because I think we started the movie like right after that. And she checks me, she's like, Oh, you're a nine.

unknown 37:54

A nine?

Kayla 37:56

That was fast. And she's like, Yeah, it can happen. And she's like, I'll probably be back in an hour to um, you'll be ready to start pushing. And I was like, What? I don't know, like when you've been in labor that long, and then suddenly you kind of forget what the end is. So when she said that, it was it got very real. I remember we turned off the movie because I was like, okay, I can't focus on this anymore. I'm about to push out a baby. What? What's happening? Sure enough, she came back in like an hour or less, and she was like, You're a 10. It's time to start pushing. I did not feel the urge to push, by the way, um, at all, which I know now is you know, I should have waited longer, but this was 2014. And she was like, Okay, you're a 10, you can start pushing. So we did. I um I was, I said, I'm not a very good patient, but I am gonna be a very good pusher. And she was like, Okay, let's see it. And sure enough, I was okay. It was my first time, I was a first-time mom, I had an epidural, and I only pushed for 40 minutes.

Chris 39:02

What a pro.

Kayla 39:03

And I didn't even have the urge. So that's the other thing. I'm like, I probably would have pushed for less if I had waited until I had the urge to push.

Chris 39:09

Yeah, you did amazing.

Kayla 39:10

I did amazing. Thank you very much. About 20 minutes in, I was surprised that it was just the nurse, but then um, you know, I remember her like calling the doctor and being like, okay, you you should get in here now. And then suddenly, you know, like 15 people come in the room. Cause, you know, you're gonna have a baby. So I guess, anyways, um, I remember I closed my eyes about halfway through pushing and I could not open them again. Like I kept them closed the rest of the time I was pushing in between contractions during contractions. It was just that pressure got so intense, and I was just like, I just need I couldn't even open my eyes. So, fun fact, I never actually saw the doctor who delivered our daughter. Um, never actually saw him, didn't know what he looked like because he came in. The contraction before she was born. So all I remember is his voice and him saying, like, if you give me one more push, like I'll give you your daughter. And I was like, okay. Like, but I didn't, I didn't open my eyes. Like, I just like, you know, put my chin to my chest, squeezed my eyes to, and just pushed. And then out she came. And so when she was born, she I just remember, this is what I remember. Her coming at me with her like long witch fingers.

Chris 40:33

Oh man.

Kayla 40:34

She had the longest fingers.

Chris 40:37

Yeah, and her feet, her feet were so big. Oh, so she was just so precious.

Kayla 40:42

She was long and skinny.

Chris 40:43

Yeah, very skinny legged, very skinny body.

Kayla 40:46

All slimy.

Chris 40:47

Oh.

Kayla 40:48

And yes, and so she came, she came right at me. So I never looked at the doctor. I was just looking at her. And I remember him saying, Well, everything looks good here. You didn't tear. Like, I don't even remember delivering the placenta. I don't know. He probably pulled it out, honestly. Like, I don't remember any of that. Um, I just remember him, like I remember his voice saying, like, well, you didn't tear, so I've got nothing to do here. So congratulations. And he walked out. And I never saw his face. Because I remember at the postpartum six weeks later, we were at the OBGYN and you came with me, and you were like, Hey, that's Dr. Such and Such. And I was like, Who? And you're like, the guy who delivered Brinkley. And I was like, What? What? Um, so I was like, nope, I've never seen that man before. And you're like, Well, yeah, that's who delivered Brinkley.

Chris 41:38

So Yeah, I remember seeing him in the hallway, and he I was I was thankful towards him. I said, Hey, thank you for delivering our baby. And he looked at me down the hall and he was like, Oh, oh, uh, you're welcome. Right. He had no idea who you were. Yeah.

Kayla 41:55

He was in there. I mean, he couldn't have been in there for more than 10 minutes. Like it was so fast.

Chris 42:01

I remember though, what it was so strange just as a first-time dad to see, first off, see the baby come out, but to see the baby inch towards the world. Yeah and just like little by little by little seeing the hair, unbelievable. I couldn't not watch. It was amazing. And um I also remember when she finally came out, I was like, ooh, she can't, ooh, ooh, that's really ooh, that's squirty. That's really squirty. What's happening? Oh, well, I think my baby's okay. Is Kayla okay? So um, but it was really, it was so incredible just to watch, especially as a first-time dad. Um, but it's it was an interesting perspective for me.

Kayla 42:50

I remember you saying it was the most glorious thing you had ever seen.

Chris 42:55

Oh, for sure. Yeah, and to this day.

Kayla 42:58

Because I would have so many other dads who are like, I don't want to watch, I don't want to look down there. I'm gonna stay by the head. And I'm like, well, my husband said it was the most glorious thing he's ever seen. So maybe you should look.

Chris 43:08

Yeah, it I mean it is, and and I think some of that comes from, you know, anyway, I won't get into it, but um it it it was really incredible for for me just to experience um the birth of my even just the birth of my family, you know? Yeah, and this is the beginning, and we had planned I hadn't planned on just having one. Um but just knowing and understanding that our family was just born too. It's not just my daughter, it's not just my first child. This is like this is our family. So anyway, it was it was one. Yeah, it was cool.

Kayla 43:45

Yeah, it was a good moment. Um so back then, that was before it was a baby friendly hospital, so they like took her and did all the things to her, and you know, we didn't really have that golden hour. Um, but I didn't know any different. And I remember she was skin to skin on you before she was really skin to skin on me.

Chris 44:10

Why don't you explain golden hour real quick?

Kayla 44:12

Oh, it's just like that first hour or two after the baby comes out where they should be skin to skin on mom's chest and have the opportunity to nurse and just like be not messed with. Not weighed, not wiped, not you know, anything, just should be mama and the baby and the dad. Um but anyways, you know, uh honestly, it was it was a very surreal experience. Um the hospital stay wasn't too fun. I I remember them, of course, you know, they wouldn't let you sleep while you were holding your baby. So that was kind of annoying because she would only sleep if someone was holding her. I remember like when everyone was gone that night, because she was born, okay, she was born at 7.18 p.m. that night. And um they did let some visitors come in a little late, you know, because everyone wanted to meet. I mean, seriously, I think there were like six or seven people in that first night before like 10 o'clock or something. And then when everyone left and all the and all the nurses were done with their checks, and it was like the first time we had really been alone. She started crying, and we looked at each other and we were like, uh, what did we do? She's crying. What do we do? Um now I know just put her on the boob. But back then I was just like, I don't know what to do.

Chris 45:39

So then obviously, you know, your first time breastfeeding. Oh, yeah, having to navigate that was interesting.

Kayla 45:44

She ended up, she couldn't latch. My nipples were flat, they were all swollen from all the fluids. It was, you know, how do you have a nipple shield? And we had to do like hand expression and spoon feed and all the things. Um, eventually, a couple months down the road, we got all that worked out and she was able to nurse fine and you know, it was good. But, you know, the first couple days were well, the the first couple months were a struggle, but we worked through it, which was good. I will just never forget the next morning. I like literally had just fallen asleep for the first time in like since she was born, and you were holding her, and I had just fallen asleep. It was five o'clock in the morning, and this nurse and nursing student come in the room and they're like, We're here to draw your blood. And I'm like, What? I'm like, it's five o'clock in the morning, first of all. Second of all, I just fell asleep. Third of all, I just had a baby. So, like, chill out. And fourth, no, I'm not letting a student come near me with a needle. Are you crazy?

Chris 46:55

Somebody's still better.

Kayla 46:57

So I I that I did decline and I didn't even know I could decline it. I was just like, no, like I'm not doing this. And she's like, So you're declining your blood draw? And I was like, Yes, I am. Goodbye. Like, leave. And so um, when the other nurse came back at seven, like a new nurse um came for a shift. She was like, So um, I see that you declined your blood draw. Can you explain to me why? And I was like, uh, yes, it was five o'clock in the morning. I had just fallen asleep and it was a student, and I hate needles, so yeah, I declined it. She's like, Okay, well, would you mind if we went ahead and got that? And I was like, oh, fine. Like, oh, anyways.

Chris 47:40

I remember it was just the whole experience of the hospital stay afterwards, after she was born, up until the time where they said that we could, you know, we were gonna go home. I was trying to sleep too. But my my goal was like, oh, if I hold the baby, then Kayla can sleep. And but with with these, there were just so many costumes.

Kayla 48:05

I was thing after thing. It was like, yeah, hey, we're here to deliver your food, hey, we're here to take out your trash, hey, we're here to change your laundry, hey, we're here for the hearing exam. Hey, we're here for this test, hey, we're here for that test, hey, we're here to take newborn pictures, hey, we're here for you to sign release forms. Hey, we're here for you to sort out the birth certificate information. I mean, it was just like thing after thing after thing, and I was like, can we just be left alone? Like, that was annoying for sure. Because I was so tired. I just remember being so exhausted and being like, Can I just get some time to sleep where someone's not like taking my blood pressure or like giving me a thermometer under my tongue, like or the baby, because you know, then you'd get them all nice and finally sleep, and they'd come in and mess with the baby and wake him up, and I'm like, oh my gosh. Anyways, I did that was annoying for sure.

Chris 48:55

But Joseph Prince kept me company on the TV all night long. Oh my gosh. Televangelist Joseph Prince.

Kayla 49:02

I kind of do have a vague memory of you watching.

Chris 49:05

I kind of wanted his hair a little bit.

Kayla 49:07

I don't even know what he looks like.

Chris 49:08

Alright, that's probably good.

Kayla 49:10

Okay.

Chris 49:10

He's a pretty boy.

Kayla 49:12

Well, anyways, um that was that. We went home and and we became parents. And it was really, really wonderful and exhausting, but wonderful. And just such a special, special time. That was such a special time. Just the three of us. It was really, really cool.

Chris 49:34

Yeah, there was really no other time like that. It's really special. In my experience, you know, kind of coming into that, because your whole life, you know, you you you long for independence and then you become an adult, right? And so you become an adult and then you have this independence, so to speak. Then you find the person you're gonna marry, and then you have to adjust, you know, but then you have this vision of what your life's gonna be like when you're married, and then you have a baby, and you get to the place where you're just you're you're having to become more and more understanding of the fact that people depend on you, but this one is like it's just so much more than anything else, because this amazing little life that just came into the world needs you more than anything, and needs you for survival and um and sustenance, and uh especially you know, the mom, obviously. And so um it was just uh and even for me it was a lesson in um learning to be needed and uh and being okay being needed, um, because you fight for it that independence so much on the front end, you know. Yeah, um, it's like you become an adult. I want to be independent. Oh wait, I just had a kid. I can't be as independent, you know.

Kayla 51:05

Never realize how much time you had in life until you had a kid. You're like, what did I used to do with my time?

Chris 51:13

Yeah. But it was so good for us because there's a refining process that happens through all of that.

Kayla 51:18

Oh, definitely.

Chris 51:19

And um for us, it was uh I mean, it was the beginning of us becoming us, honestly. And um so I'm just really thankful.

Kayla 51:33

Me too. And that was now nine and a half years ago. Almost a decade. Well, a decade ago I was pregnant with her. Which is crazy. A whole decade of this.

Chris 51:48

I actually wouldn't be surprised right now if she was listening in on this conversation, listening to her birth story right now outside of the door.

Kayla 51:57

Oh, Brinkley?

Chris 51:58

Your daughter.

Kayla 51:58

Yes, she's a night owl.

Chris 52:00

Yeah, she and we are recording this at night after bedtime.

Kayla 52:05

Yes, because when else do you have time as parents to record things? Only when your kids are sleeping. Brinkley, if you're out there, we love you. Also, I have um actually wrote out her whole birth story when she was about a year and a half old. Um, and I will post the link to that in the show notes. Um, it actually surprisingly goes into more detail than we just did, um, which is kind of funny. It's pretty long, uh, but it has a lot of backstory to it. A lot of um the prayers, a lot of the signs about having her, a lot, just kind of a lot more details on the front end, especially.

Chris 52:49

Yeah, the context is really there.

Kayla 52:51

Yeah, lots of context. So if you're interested, you can check that out. And my other's kids' birth stories are on there too. If you want a little preview of those. If you didn't know, we um have four kids now, and actually our fifth child is on the way. In utero. In utero, due in October. So we're very excited about that. And we do plan, I do plan um to share the others' stories as well. But I wanted to start off with Brinkley's story and uh kind of how we became parents and how we navigated birth the first time around um 10 years ago. So thanks, thanks for listening, and I hope you will join us again. Thanks again for joining us today. Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting subscribe. Also, we'd love for you to leave a review of the show so that more people like you can hear more stories like these. If you're local to the Triad of North Carolina and seeking childbirth classes, birth consultations, or a birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to our website for more information. Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice, so please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise. Also, if you would like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, please click the link in the episode show notes to get in touch with me. We hope you have a great week. And remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.