004: How God Gave Us Milo (with Christopher Heeter)

Get ready to hear all about how God gave us our second child, Milo, and my first natural birth.
 
If you want even more details, feel free to check his full birth story in blog form HERE.

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Transcript

Kayla: 0:03

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories. Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the pursuit of surrendering it all to God. Let's get started. I am so excited to share my second birth story today, along with my husband Chris, again. It is totally different from our first experience, and you will hear why as you listen. But I also wanted to give a little disclaimer before we get started. My husband actually had pneumonia while we recorded this episode. So if he sounds under the weather, it's because he most definitely was.

Chris: 1:20

Hey Roomie.

Kayla: 1:22

It's nice to have you back here. We are gonna share um our second birth story of our son Milo today.

Chris: 1:32

Yeah, it's a whopper.

Kayla: 1:34

Yes, it's a whopper. That's a great way to describe this. Uh so I want to start with the whole getting pregnant part. That was, I mean, you know, not the details, but you know what I'm saying. So with with Brinkley, it was this like God ordained, he told us to have a baby. We were together one time and we got pregnant, and it was this confirmation, it was this big thing. But um, for Milo, it was not like that. It was different. I, in between Brinkley and Milo, I had become a birth doula and I had started attending all of these births, and I was just very, very excited to do things differently this time around. So we were just like, let's have a baby. Of course, God would want us to have a baby because He says to be fruitful and to multiply and that children are a blessing. So um I was very disappointed when we did not get pregnant the first month. I remember it was Brinkley's birthday. I woke up on her second birthday expecting to like test and get like a positive pregnancy test, and I woke up to my period, which was very disappointing. But we did not have to struggle. Like I know a lot of couples struggle with out there. So it only took um a few more months, but we eventually did get pregnant, but it was a different, it was a different experience finding out because with Brinkley, I was in shock and I couldn't believe that it like worked that fast. Even I remember when we saw the pregnancy test with Brinkley, I sat in the corner of our bathroom with a hand over my mouth saying, Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, and like couldn't move. But with with Milo, I remember like jumping up and down and screaming and getting excited and just praising, and we like went out to dinner to celebrate, and we told my mom. And do you remember all that?

Chris: 3:38

I could be honest and say I don't remember all of that.

Kayla: 3:43

It's okay.

Chris: 3:43

It's okay. I remember for the boat. Where do we go to dinner?

Kayla: 3:47

Elizabeth's Pizza.

Chris: 3:48

Oh, yeah.

Kayla: 3:49

On Battleground in Greensboro. Yeah. Celebration. Because that was back when that was back when prices were cheaper and you got like all this free bread and gar all the garlic oil.

Chris: 4:02

Oh wow.

Kayla: 4:03

Mm-hmm.

Chris: 4:04

Y'all, it's it's so good.

Kayla: 4:06

Anyways, okay, so we were pregnant. Uh and this time we should start a food podcast. No, absolutely not. This time I wanted to do things differently. I had so much more education and training than I did the first time. I mean, the first time I knew nothing. And kind of purposely knew nothing. I was afraid of birth and all the things and just did the standard American eat what I want to, do what I want to, go to the hospital, get my epidural, and have a baby. But this time I was like, no, I'm gonna like exercise and do my stretches and eat my whole clean foods and no-processed foods, and you know, drink all my water and all the things, which lasted about two weeks before I started throwing up all day every day. That was awful.

Chris: 5:02

You poor thing. It was awful.

Kayla: 5:05

Well, and my two-year-old, Brinkley, at the time, um, started making fun of me. I would come downstairs in the morning, try and get her breakfast, and immediately have to throw open the back door and throw up. And so she started like being like, Look, I am like mama. And like bending over and pretending she was throwing up.

Chris: 5:24

Oh do you remember that? I do remember that. Yeah. She wouldn't she wasn't making fun of you obviously. Well, she was mimicking me. It was really kind of uh, you know, you look like my mom videoed it. It's pretty funny, yeah.

Kayla: 5:36

We also had to get rid of our cat. We had a cat for however many years at that point, and every time I would walk past the door to where the litter box was, I would throw up. Oh, yeah. Instantly.

Chris: 5:48

Rightfully so.

Kayla: 5:49

And I would throw up in the garage because the garage door was next. So it wasn't like in a trash can or in a toilet or outside, it was just on the floor of the garage, and you had to clean it up like every day. So the cat got moved, rehoused with your parents, which they were very glad about. But anyways, it was a lot of throwing up, it was a long journey of throwing up that I that's my least favorite part of pregnancy.

Chris: 6:15

Yeah, it was definitely more so than than when you were pregnant with brain clean.

Kayla: 6:19

Yes, definitely more intense than the first time. And I think just having to because I was home at that point, I wasn't teaching anymore. Um, because I used to teach first grade. So I was just with her all day, every day, and it was I mean, I was exhausting. She was two and running around, and I was throwing up. So um next, let's see, I really wanted to have a home birth this time. Um, with all of my training and and getting to see the different births over the last like year or so. I was really looking forward to having a home birth. And um, and honestly, I was really looking forward to having another girl. Like we both just assumed we would have another girl and both wanted another girl. And within about a week of each other, I found out that I was not gonna have a home birth because of our financial situation at the time. It just we could not justify, we did not have the cash to pay out of pocket for the home birth. And with the insurance that we had at the time, if I went to the birth center in Statesville, Natural Beginnings, um, it would be fully covered. So it just didn't make sense to do it that way. And I think that was God's design, and I'll kind of explain that at the end. But I was very disappointed. And then, like two days later, we found out we were having a boy, and I was just, I was, I was depressed. I was sad. I cried for days about the loss of the home birth and the fact that Brinkley wasn't gonna have a sister, she was gonna have a brother, and obviously we love Milo and are so glad that we have Milo. But at the time, when you're pregnant and hormonal and emotional, it was just like a big, a big amount of emotions and information to take in all at once. So then let's see, pregnancy got better, I felt better eventually. Um, but I started getting really big and I didn't have gestational diabetes. I was eating way better than I did with Brinkley. I was exercising, I was going on walks every morning, I was doing, you know, all these stretches. I was going to the chiropractor, which I did not do my first time around. So it was, it was like I was doing all the right things, and I was just getting so big. Like my belly was getting so big.

Chris: 8:46

When did you notice it about what time in the gestation?

Kayla: 8:49

Well, when your mom said, Are you sure you're not having twins?

Chris: 8:53

Oh.

Kayla: 8:54

Do you remember that? Post it on Facebook for everybody to see. But I got that question a lot. Like it was, I was probably, let's see, he came in November. He was due in October. Let's make that clear. So this is probably like August, and people are like, Oh my gosh, like you must be any moment now, any day. And I'm like, actually, I have a couple of months left, but thank you very much.

Chris: 9:20

Anyways, which is hard to hear.

Kayla: 9:22

It is hard to hear. It is never fun to hear that you are huge or you're about to pop or any of those things. Even if you're pregnant and those things are true, it's not fun to be told them. You know what I mean? Yeah. Anyways.

Chris: 9:40

Well, I think you look great.

Kayla: 9:42

Well, thank you.

Chris: 9:43

Rock star.

Kayla: 9:44

Rock star. So Brinkley, our first came at 39 weeks, and I just assumed like, oh, well, this baby is clearly bigger, and it's my second baby. So he's gonna come even sooner. Surely he's gonna come sooner. Um, I'm bigger, and it's my second baby. Of course he's gonna come sooner. So at 38 weeks, I really expected him to come that week. Which is very naive of me, extremely naive.

Chris: 10:14

Yeah, but that part of it is just not really having the experience of um being pregnant with a boy and being and doing pregnancy the way that you were doing it as well.

Kayla: 10:25

Right. I was determined this time, like I wasn't gonna get my membrane swept, I wasn't going to do any sort of induction stuff besides, you know, having sex or walking. Like, I wasn't gonna do anything. I was determined to just this was gonna be all natural and he was just gonna come on his own. That's how it was gonna be. Spoiler alert, I caved and did a lot of things to try and get him to come. But I mean, I was spending an hour with God every morning, begging him, pleading him, like, please let me have my baby today. Please don't let me be pregnant anymore. Like just crying out to him every day for like an hour in the morning, just starting my day that way every single day. I vividly remember like going in that little guest room and sitting on the couch and just having my worship music playing and begging him. I also read um that book during his pregnancy, uh, supernatural childbirth. Do you remember that one?

Chris: 11:22

Yeah, yeah.

Kayla: 11:23

And I was like praying the prayers over him and the declarations over him and the labor and the pregnancy, and just like I was just, I was going all in. I was like praying for like a seven or eight pounder because I knew that it's harder to push out a bigger baby. And since I was doing this naturally for the first time, I was like, yeah, a smaller baby would be nice to push out. Um, and just you know, praying over like that I wouldn't feel all the pain and that, you know, just all the things. So much like I just felt like I prayed circles and circles and circles around that labor. Okay, so then 38 weeks comes and goes. Very uneventfully. Well, then 39 weeks I got excited because I started having contractions. I was like, oh, it's gonna happen. This is it, I'm having contractions. Little did I know I was gonna have contractions for weeks on end. Um, that meant absolutely nothing.

Chris: 12:25

It's just your body getting ready.

Kayla: 12:27

It was, it was getting ready, but it was very uh misleading, I will say. Anyways, so let's see, 39 weeks comes and goes, 40 weeks my due date. We went to a wedding on my due date of one of my college uh room. Well, she was never technically my roommate, but she lived right across from me. One of my college friends. Um, and everyone at the wedding and I wore that really tight black dress. Everyone at the wedding was like, What are you doing here? Like, I can't believe you're here. And then I danced all night and was really trying to dance that baby out.

Chris: 13:04

That's right. But that's a good way to do it.

Kayla: 13:06

It was, but it didn't happen.

Chris: 13:07

So I got your mind off it for a little while.

Kayla: 13:09

For the night. Although I had contractions the whole ride home from that wedding and I was super hopeful. And then I went to sleep and they stopped. They stopped. Like they did every single night. It was like I would have contractions all day. I mean, it was truly predominator, it really was. So being a doula, I was doing the mile circuit, you know, as much as I could, trying to make sure he was in good position, but I was just so frustrated. Okay, so 40 weeks comes and goes, 41 weeks comes and goes, and here we are at the end of 41 weeks. And I remember we drove to the birth center and you had taken off, you started your paternity leave because you knew how miserable I was. And like I was, and you were trying to help me with Brinkley and just trying to be there for me. So we went to the birth center for like a just like uh an NST and a cervical exam, which at that point I was having them sweep my membranes. That week we did all the things we did nimple stimulation, we did acupressure, we did black and blue kohosh. Black and blue kohosh under under the supervision of the midwives. They're the ones who gave it to me and they gave me the instructions on how to take it and how much and when and how often, and and then do the breast pump, and we took that together. Yes, I made you take it with me because it was so gross.

Chris: 14:31

Yeah, it was awful. It was your way of f making me feel like you were part of it. It was your way of helping yourself understand that I could go through something just as difficult as you did. That's a that's a silly way of saying I'm empathizing with you and you know it. Yes. Yeah.

Kayla: 14:51

So I would it is helpful. You weren't gonna go into labor, but I made you take some.

Chris: 14:55

Sure, yeah.

Kayla: 14:56

So you knew how I felt. Do you remember what movie we watched that night?

Chris: 14:59

Oh, uh uh some old three-hour uh had to pick a long one. Some some lady.

Kayla: 15:07

My fair lady.

Chris: 15:08

My fair lady.

Kayla: 15:10

The rain in Spain stays mainly. Anyways, um, good movie, but maybe not your best first experience. Anyways, we stayed up till like 1 a.m. that night and had contractions and then nothing. Went to bed and they were gone. I mean, and that was just like repeat, repeat. Okay, so we go for this last, hopefully last check. Um, and they were like, Well, you're having contractions, and I'm like, Yeah, I know. But like, I couldn't even really feel the ones they were picking up. Um, and I was like, you know, I want you to sweep my membranes. I was prepared for the extreme discomfort that is getting your membrane swept. And instead she did it, and I was like, that wasn't bad. I was like, that barely felt like a cervical exam. She was like, that's because you are 90% effaced and six centimeters dilated. I was like, what?

Chris: 16:04

Not even in labor yet.

Kayla: 16:05

Not even in labor. I was six centimeters dilated, but nothing was happening. So um on the way there, actually, I remember on the way to that appointment is when I finally gave up. I gave in. I finally surrendered, which is what I had to do in all of my births. The lesson that God has had to teach me over and over and over again because I cannot get it through my head. I finally surrendered. And on the way to that appointment, I just remember being like, okay, God, fine, fine, whatever, whatever, whenever you want him to come. It's up to you. I'm gonna stop trying now. I'm done trying, he'll come when he comes. I give up. And then he gave me a six centimeter head start, which was really nice. But of course, they were like, Well, go get ready. It's gonna be like, we think it's gonna be really soon. And I'm like, well, duh. Like, I'm almost 42 weeks and I'm six centimeters dilated. It better be very soon. So we went home. Nothing ended up happening that night, of course. But um I remember the next day we went out and like got, I think, curtains to finish his nursery, and we went on a big walk at Country Park, and and my contractions came back, of course, because it was daytime. Um, I went to the grocery store, walked up and down every single aisle just to walk, and got stuff to make a cake, chocolate cake, which is so funny because chocolate cake is like his very favorite cake now.

Chris: 17:35

It's like baking therapy.

Kayla: 17:37

Yeah, yeah.

Chris: 17:38

Baking therapy is very effective for you.

Kayla: 17:40

Well, I was making I was gonna make him a birthday cake.

Chris: 17:42

That's so sweet.

Kayla: 17:43

You know, I remember that. That's a project you can do in labor, make a cake. So um that night I was sitting on my birthing ball because that was the only comfortable place to sit. By the end, my belly was so big. Like I got like maybe three tiny little minuscule stretch marks with Brinkley, like the day I went into labor. I had none until then. But with Milo, I mean, my belly was just covered in them. There was no preventing. It didn't matter how much oil or lotion went on my stomach. I I had them all over me. Anyway, so I go to bed that night, I give up at like 12:30 because I'd had contractions, you know, all day and all evening. And at 12:30, I finally called it quits and was like, fine, I'm going to bed, fine. And then they kept coming for the first time at Praise the Lord. Praise Jesus, they finally kept coming. And so I was like, oh, yes, this is finally it. I mean, it was early labor, but like it was finally happening. So I tried to get some sleep. I probably got like one or two hours of sleep that night, but I was, you know, kind of tossing and turning, and they weren't coming super. It was like every 10 minutes or so. Sometimes they get down to like six or seven minutes apart, but um, just enough to wake me up before I could fall back asleep again. Um then the next morning I remember I called the birth center because I because I had an appointment scheduled, because it was 42 weeks, even though it was a Saturday, they wanted me to come in just, you know, to do a heart rate check and all the things. And I was like, hey, I'm actually in labor for real. So do you not want me to like come in or should I just wait until like labor advances? And they were like, no, go ahead and come in because if your labor stops again, we want to make sure we have a record of the heart rate and all that. And I was like, okay, fine. Um, but they were like, but bring your birth team with you and bring all your birth stuff just in case it happens while you're here. Because we lived like an hour and 20 minutes away. So I was like, oh, okay. And that's when it got real. That's when I was like, oh my gosh, like I'm packing my birth bag. Like, I mean, it had been mostly packed. But you know, just like the last couple things. And um yeah. So my mom came over to be with Brinkley, and then we got in the car and drove to Statesville.

Chris: 20:11

So I have one question before we move on. Yes. So from a physiological standpoint, uh-huh. What do you think? I know we talked about surrender. We talked about like praying and giving it to the Lord. My question is, physiologically, what do you think got you to 42 weeks?

Kayla: 20:30

His head. And I'll tell and I'll tell you exactly why. So we get to Statesville. And my contractions had kind of eased up from the adrenaline of knowing that things were finally happening. But probably like two-thirds of the way there, they picked up again, which was good. And when we got there, um, they did a circle exam. They're like, oh, you're still six and ninety. And I'm like, well, yeah, because that was like two days ago. So that's fine. And I said, I requested, I said, can you please? Because we we were the only ones there because it was Saturday. So it was just like us and the midwife. I said, can you please do an ultrasound real quick? Because I would like to see where this child's head is. Because I have had, you know, this start-stop labor for weeks or days. And I was like, I just want to see where it is. And they were like, okay. So we went to the ultrasound room. They did the ultrasound, and they're like, oh, well, that's why. They're like, his head hasn't engaged into your pelvis yet. It's still floating on top of your pelvis. And I was like, oh, that's why, because we would later find out his head was huge and was having a hard time even getting into the pelvis in the first place. So that is why I think I didn't go, you know, until 42 weeks. Because I mean, obviously, I don't really know if that's the reason. That's just sort of like my intuition of like, well, his head just would not engage into the pelvis because it couldn't, because it was so big, it couldn't figure out how to get in there. So they said, well, why don't you go like take a walk, like go to go to the mall. And I say that with quotation marks, go to the mall.

Chris: 22:08

The Statesville mall.

Kayla: 22:09

The Statesville mall, which is the pride of North Carolina. It's a big fat joke. But it was it was humble. So we went to the mall and we walked around and I was having contractions. And our friend was with their with us. I should mention that. It wasn't just Chris and I. Our friend was there. She was gonna be um our videographer. So she was gonna like take pictures and do video for us. So we were all three walking around, and it was a couple weeks before Christmas. So, or no, a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, but that meant all the Christmas stuff was out. So we were like listening to Christmas music and the halls, which is kind of against us. We try not to do that till Thanksgiving. But when you're in the mall, you can't really help it. I remember smelling like all the Bath and Body Works Christmas candles. Just trying, I don't know. Your senses are so alive when you're in labor and you just want to experience more stuff.

Chris: 23:03

I was gonna say that's kind of a dangerous move when you're that pregnant.

Kayla: 23:05

Well, you know, in the nauseous phase, yes. And now that I know how toxic they are, yes. But at the time, I was like, oh, Christmas candles, like, you know, anyways. So we go back, and um, I'm still a six, and the nurse, who was actually a midwife in training, Jen, she was like, Why don't you take a nap? She was like, You didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Maybe you just need to take a nap. And I mean, like, I'm like, that's really sweet. Like, cool, I can just take a nap here. They're like, Yeah, sure. It was really nice. And this is 2016, so things have kind of changed and shifted um a lot over the years there. But right, but back in 2016, it was really awesome. And she was just like, take a nap. So I laid in that room, peanut ball in between my legs, heating pad on my belly, and you were rubbing, you being Chris, were rubbing my back nicely, like all the soft efflarage. And I probably only slept for like 20 or 30 minutes, even though we were in there for like an hour and a half, but it was so like what I needed in that time. Because then at the end of that nap, my contractions had gotten so intense that like I had to get up and move around and I couldn't lay down anymore. And it was like that nap is like what really did it for me. So then, surprise, surprise, Jen was like, okay, great. Because now I'm like having to stop through contractions and like it really, this is when I really feel like active labor started. And it was probably like just before noon. It was right around like 11:45 or noon. And I feel like, okay, I'm in I'm finally in active labor now. So she was like, go get some lunch, like go out, go, go get yourself something to eat, and then you know, come back later. And I was like, okay, because you know, at the hospital, it's like you get there and they don't ever let you leave until there's a baby. Um, so and they don't let you eat. So this was just so counter to that. It was awesome.

Chris: 25:07

It was refreshing in a lot of ways.

Kayla: 25:08

It was refreshing. So we go to Ruby Tuesday. You we went to Ruby Tuesdays to get the salad bar because you guys were like, I don't want anything greasy. So, like, we went to the salad bar. And I actually didn't really want any food. I was nibbling on multi-grain scoops and purple Gatorade. That's what I was wanting. I don't know why. That's just what I wanted. But y'all ate the salad bar, and I remember walking around Ruby Tuesdays and just like leaning over tables to have people. I couldn't sit down when you were there. I could not sit down. Um, and the people, the look on their faces when they found out I was in labor and that you guys were just having lunch and I was just walking around. They were like, Why aren't you at the hospital? And I'm like, Yeah, yeah, it's fine. We're not doing it that way. Anyways. Um, but things really started to pick up there, and I remember like, okay, we need to go back just because I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be there. So we went back, but we didn't go inside. We went um right behind that birth center. There's like a little tiny farm with some horses. Do you remember that?

Chris: 26:18

Yeah, I do remember the horse farm. It was really cool because you could just look out the back and there was a gazebo on the birth center property. Then there were just a bunch of horses behind this line of trees, and it was just kind of almost serene in a lot of ways.

Kayla: 26:32

Yeah. Well, and it was like a perfect fall day. It was like 55 and sunny. And because I started out in like that hoodie, I ended up taking it off and just having like a tank top on outside like the 55 degree weather, but it felt so good. Like the air was just crisp and like the skies were blue, and it was just a really pretty day. And we, I mean, we labored there in the parking lot and um by the horses and along that little trail there. I think I don't remember if like I wanted to go inside or they wanted me to come inside. Like, I honestly don't remember, but I just remember that when we started walking to go inside, I was like, this is it. Like, I'm not coming out again without a baby. This is it, which was like all sorts of emotional. So we go inside, and I um had them check me or they check me again, and I was still a six with 90%. So, like technically, you know, I hadn't made any cervical change, but I knew as like a doula that that didn't really mean anything and I could progress, you know, really quickly or something. And here was my one major regret of this labor. Um, I did not have a doula there with me. I had initially planned on having one. Um, then the one that I wanted uh couldn't come anymore, and so I didn't want anybody else, and so I just didn't, I didn't have one, but I just thought I'm a doula. And all these midwives are doulas, um, you know, or they've been trained as doulas, and so I'm like, yeah, we'll be fine. And I was, I mean, I was fine, but I think I really I needed somebody there who knew me really, really well, but also knew birth really, really well, like kind of that combination to help me like make the right decisions.

Chris: 28:30

Yeah, I was only one half of that equation. Yeah, you knew me really, really well. At this point, yes.

Kayla: 28:35

So I had them break my water, and that was my choice. And because I knew where his head was, I knew it was in a good position, I knew that it would most likely definitely speed up the labor and not slow it down. Um, and that was a mistake. My mistake that I made that I fully regret. So I remember the midwife, she was so sweet. She was actually the student midwife, Rebecca, and she um, she's the one who did it. And I was laying on the bed, and I will never forget the first contraction I had after my water was broken. I shot up in that bed and I was like squeezing her, and I think you were squeezing my other hand, and I was like, put it back, put it back, put it back, like put my water back. I want it back because that cushion was gone, and like it immediately put me in transition. It was like instant, and I was not ready for it. I was so honestly, I'm not bragging, but I was so in control up until that point, I felt like I could do this for several more hours. Like I've got this. But then after my water was broken, I was like, this is I this is terrible. Like I want to be done right now. And I was not done. So they were like, okay, well, we'll start filling up the tub. And I'm like, yes, please start filling up the tub. And then we got in the shower. I remember I got in the shower to try and like run hot water on my back. Oh, because as soon as she broke my water, I instantly had back labor. I think just because his head dropped so low that I instantly had back labor. And I mean, I didn't have any back labor with Brinkley's labor. So this was a new sensation for me, and I did not like it. But we were in the shower. I remember I don't think you were ready to see me like that. And you, my husband, who never cries, started crying. And I was like, oh God, okay, well, if he's crying, I guess I can cry. So we were just holding each other in the shower while I was crying. And you were crying, we were crying, and the water was running. It was quite an emotional.

Chris: 30:54

Yeah, that was a really difficult moment for me, uh, just watching you go through that because I saw the desperation in your eyes and in your tone, um, and in your body language. And it was very difficult to see because you don't you don't like somebody that you love to go through something so difficult. Um the fact that you had uh you basically went from you know, not zero to sixty, but you went from fine to not fine. Yeah, you you were uh noticeably uh more affected in a moment. Yes. Um it was difficult, but also at the same time, it was as a support person, specifically being the spouse, it was really good for me to learn how to support you um emotionally through my emotions, even um and that was just a that was a very uh new experience for me uh as well.

Kayla: 31:55

So I um decided to go ahead and get in the tub, which I later regretted. I feel like I should have stayed in the shower a little longer with you and just kind of let gravity do its thing for a little longer. Because once I got in the tub, I was like basically hands and knees most of the time. Um, but I was so desperate to get in that tub and it did really feel good. Like getting in the tub felt because I, you know, didn't have any of that with my first um labor. So this felt very relieving, very relaxing. It did definitely did not take any sort of pain away, but it took some of the pressure away, and it was it was just like a serene, relaxing environment to be in, which I really needed in that time, but it was still so intense. And I remember you were like holding me on the front while I was leaning over the tub. Um, Nicole, one of the midwives, was like giving me counter pressure, and Jen was like squeezing my hips, and I mean every single contraction because it was so intense. And if for like a moment, um, you know, I started having contraction, I would I would yell, back, back, and just mean meaning like everyone get your hands on my back because that's where I need them. And bless their hearts. Like they, I mean, that they're not required to do that, but they were in there with me like the whole time. Um, and I needed it. I really needed like all of their support. So I was on the tub for a couple of hours just going through transition, just I mean, wanting to crawl out of my own body. Like I was not mentally prepared for a natural transition. I think I had mentally prepared for like a natural active labor, but not for like a natural transition and not with a giant baby either. Because it's definitely, in my opinion, a different sensation.

Chris: 33:55

I do recall you literally bat trying to back out of your body at one point.

Kayla: 34:00

I did. I was, and I've seen other moms do that in labor. And Rebecca, the student midwife, she saw what I was doing, she knew exactly what I was trying to do, and she came over and she whispered in my ear and she said, I know what you're trying to do, but you can't get out of this. You're the only one who can go through this, and you have to go through. And I was like, I know you're right. I also remember thinking while I was in the tub, I'm like, okay, if I get out of the tub and we get in the car and we drive to the hospital, and we get in there and I register, and we and I get in a room and I get admitted and they do all my blood work and they give me an epidural, this could all be over. And then I just remember thinking, there's no way I'll make it. Like I know that I'm too close to the end, I'll never make it. But like I was fantasizing about that in my head. I also, so I had run a half marathon the year before, which, if you know me at all, like I was not a runner. I was a dancer my whole life, but not a runner. And so when I ran that half marathon, to me, that was the hardest physical feat I had ever done until this labor. And while I was in the tub, I was like, I'd rather be running a half marathon right now. Anything, just let me run that half marathon. I'll just get out of this tub and I'll run the half marathon, just take the contractions away. It was just so intense. Um, but pretty soon I started feeling pushy, not like super pushy, just like some pressure. And they were like, Well, let's check you to make sure. And I was like nine and a half. I had like the lip of cervix left, and they were like, Well, we'll just try and push it out of the way if you want to push. And that that I was not ready for um at all. So they tried to push it out of the way, and I screamed like a high-pitched scream. And Chris, that's when you ran out of the room.

Chris: 36:00

I could not handle that. You could handle it. Oh my gosh. Oh man. Just as a person who lives in other people's emotions when you're with them, it was just very difficult to see you in that in that situation.

Kayla: 36:15

Oh, if it helps you feel any better, I had no idea you left the room because I was in labor land, like in my own zone. So I didn't know you were even gone.

Chris: 36:23

I mean, I give props to the to the staff there at the birth center.

Kayla: 36:26

They were they were incredible.

Chris: 36:28

They really were.

Kayla: 36:29

So that didn't work, but they were like, we're gonna need you to get out of the tub. And I was like, uh, I believe I just said no. Like, no, I'm not doing that. And then like within the next couple contractions, they like lifted me up out of the tub and got me on the bed. I think they knew this was a big baby and it was gonna take a lot of work to get out. And I had like zero leverage in the tub. So we got on the bed and they pushed, they finally pushed that lip of cervix back and I started pushing, but I really did not feel the urge to push. I think it was more so that I just wanted it to be over. So I started pushing um and they were telling me to push, but I just I really didn't feel the urge. I really didn't. Um, not for a long, long time. Because of course, they're like, oh, second babies, you know, you should be able to push them out faster than your first baby. It's so much easier. Well, I pushed my first baby out with an epidural on my back in 40 minutes. So I'm like, this should be cake. You know, I should be able to do this in like 20 at, you know, max. But that was not the case. I this was a big boy, and definitely the size of the head affects how much pushing you're gonna do. I also didn't wait for that fetal ejection reflex. I didn't even know what that was back then. Um, or maybe, I don't know, maybe I'd learned it and forgotten it, but I was just pushing and even if you had learned it, it would be hard to apply it in such an intense moment. Yeah, it was very intense. So, I mean, and I had not pushed with a natural labor before, I'd only ever pushed with an epidural. So I was like not ready for that sensation because I was like, why is it so like pinchy? And like they were like, you just have to push through that. And I was like, oh gosh, this sucks. Like, but I did it anyways, and we were doing all sorts of positions. We were like on my back, and then we were like doing my side, we were doing hands and knees, like we were flipping all around. But finally I got to where he was crowning, and I felt like the burning and like the ring of fire, and which I really did feel, and that's when I finally was like, Okay, I have the urge to push now. Okay, I am ready to push now. Even though I'd been pushing for like 45 minutes, 50 minutes, I was like, I'm ready. So start pushing, get his head out, and I thought, oh my gosh, this is it. I'm about to have my baby, his head is out, and the next contraction comes, and I pushed as hard as I possibly could, and he didn't even budge, like not even a little bit. He was completely stuck. Um, and thankfully, going through dual training and having been at a birth already where I saw a shoulder dystopia, I knew exactly what was happening. I was like, okay, he's stuck. This is the shoulder dystosia. And in my head, I I just flipped onto my hands and knees. And I knew that's what they were gonna tell me to do, anyways. But so we did it, flipped onto my hands and knees, and I had, I mean, all sorts of hands up in my area. They were like, we there were three of them there, which was great. Um, one was a midwife, one was a midwife in training, and one was a student midwife. So like they were all all in it. One was like pulling, one had her hands like opening me. I was pushing. And then I I remember being on my hands and knees, being like, he's gonna come out with a broken collar. Collarbone, but it's okay because he's gonna be alive and it's gonna be fine. I don't even care. We're just pushing this baby out. It's gonna be all right. Which that didn't happen. He did not break anything, which was good. But I mean, this was a few minutes. It was not like 30 seconds or a minute. I mean, I look back to the video and I'm pretty sure it was closer to like four minutes, maybe three and a half. Um, which it just feels like an eternity when you just have a giant head hanging out of you. But, anyways, we're flipping back and forth. They were pulling, I was pushing. We were, I mean, you know, we were doing everything we could. And finally we got him, his shoulder, at least one shoulder out and the other shoulder out. And he was a big boy. Oh man. And he came out, and I was so relieved, like so utterly relieved, more relieved than it'd ever been in my life, that the fact that he wasn't on my chest and he wasn't crying didn't bother me at all. I had like complete peace in that moment. And I knew he wasn't breathing, but I knew like they've got this. And I think just the Holy Spirit just gave me supernatural peace in that moment where I was just like so content to just lay there and breathe. And I was like, oh, this is amazing. Like he's out of me and it's over, and I'm done. Like, and so even though, again, like they were giving him oxygen and helping to resuscitate him, which I think totally freaked Chris out.

Chris: 41:28

But it's I was gonna say, uh, my experience in that moment was complete opposite because I was seeing him start, limb, yeah. It was just uh it was unsettling to see even the the scramble to get him out and and whatnot. I was nervous for him, but um but you had only been at one other birth before that, right?

Kayla: 41:51

So you yeah, so your your concept of normal was very limited. So I was, I mean, I knew everything would be fine, and so I was just relieved. But finally, you know, he starts crying and they put him on my chest, and I believe my first words like if I need to go back and watch the video which is on a hard drive somewhere because it was 2016 and it was not on an iPhone, but I think I said this massive child because he was massive. Like they put him on me and his toes were touching my downstairs area, and his head was like butted up against my chin. Like he was just this long giant baby. And all of them, all of them guessed, like they started guessing weights, and they all guessed over 11 pounds, and I was like, what? No way. And they're like, oh yeah, I'm guessing 11.4, I'm guessing 11.7, I'm getting and I was just like, What? I was because Brinkley was seven, like, and I was like, there's no way. But when they finally did weigh him, he was 10 pounds, 12 ounces, and they were all like, Oh, well, it's just because he pooped everywhere on his way out, and because so much poop came out of him. They were like, if he hadn't pooped, he surely would have been like 11 pounds. So thank God for the poop, I guess.

Chris: 43:16

Yeah, I remember looking at him when he came out, and my first thought was like, he's really long.

Kayla: 43:21

Yeah.

Chris: 43:22

And he's really wide, and his head's really big. Like, he's just a big boy.

Kayla: 43:25

He was. So his head was 15 and a half inches around, which is huge.

Chris: 43:31

So what would the what's the average then?

Kayla: 43:33

Uh, I guess I don't know what like the 50th percentile, but that was like off the charts, like 99th plus percentile was his head. But like Brinkley's head was 13. Um, you know, and she they said she, you know, she had a decent sized head. Like I've been at births where the head's only 12, and it's uh I was just like, holy moly, 15 and a half. And then he was like 23 and a half inches long. Oh, he wasn't quite 24 inches long, but he probably was by the next day. Like he grew so fast. He um he never lost any weight, he only gained, and he gained fast. He was 15 pounds by his one month appointment. 15. Brinkley, okay, to put this in perspective, Brinkley was 16 pounds at her first birthday. Okay. And Milo was 15 pounds at his one-month appointment. Right. So he was a big boy. But it was so nice to have him out. And what it was also just, it was really nice just being at the birth center because they were just like pampering me and helping me. But then they also gave us like time to ourselves where it was just us. And, you know, whenever it was time for me to like go to the bathroom and get all cleaned up, they like were, you know, walking with me and talking with me, and and then we only had to stay for like four hours, and then we got to go home, and I got to sleep on my oh, I slept on the couch because I didn't want to walk upstairs, but we got to sleep on the couch. I just had them on my chest all night. Nobody was coming in at all hours of the night. It was just like him and I, well, and my mom. This is what's really funny. I don't know if you remember this.

Chris: 45:20

I know exactly what you're about to say.

Kayla: 45:22

Okay. When we got home from the birth center, it was probably like, okay, so time perspective. Active labor started around 12. They broke my water around 3, and he was born at 614 p.m. Okay. So we left there a little after 10. We stopped and got some food on the way home. We probably got home around midnight. So Chris says, we get home, I get set up on the couch with Milo, and Chris says, I'm just gonna go upstairs and take a shower, and then I'll be right back. We're like, okay, see you in a minute. Chris goes upstairs and five and a half hours later comes downstairs. Thank God my mom was there. So she stayed up with me um on the couch, but we were just laughing because we knew you laid down and fell asleep, and I just thought it was really funny.

Chris: 46:18

Just so I can save face a little bit. I don't remember how that happened.

Kayla: 46:23

I think you laid down and that's what happened.

Chris: 46:26

Yes, that's probably true.

Kayla: 46:28

Yeah.

Chris: 46:28

It was probably a very relieving feeling to lay down after that, just like it was for you. But it's it's it's funny because your experience was uh incrementally more intense than mine. And I was exhausted, you know.

Kayla: 46:42

It's just really I don't know if I even slept that night. I think I was just I had the birth high.

Chris: 46:47

Yeah, you were on adrenaline and I was like on a high.

Kayla: 46:49

And so I I don't even know if I slept, but um, I but when you came down at like 5 30 in the morning, um, I don't even think you had showered. I just I sent you to go get breakfast. I was like, okay, well, good morning. Please go get some breakfast. Oh, we got rice. Rise. They had the best breakfast sandwiches.

Chris: 47:09

Chicken biscuits.

Kayla: 47:10

I think, but I think I got like a sausage, egg, and cheese or something. I don't know. It was so good. It was delicious.

Chris: 47:16

And they had funky donuts.

Kayla: 47:17

Oh, yeah, they had all the weird donuts. We don't have rice here anymore. They went out of business in our location. They still have other locations, but sadness, they're not in Greensboro anymore.

Chris: 47:27

I need to just put this plug in there because after seeing you go through that experience, like as a pregnant person, as someone who's laboring, as someone who uh pushed out a baby, you are a superwoman. Like you are you are I am superwoman. I mean, the fact that you did all of that, and and I, you know, I I think that the fact that women, especially those who choose to labor naturally, um they're just rock stars. But being able to see you go through um all of the the difficulty and the hard things to see on the other side this beautiful child, it's just uh it was really rewarding to see you go through that experience, even though it was really hard.

Kayla: 48:19

It was really hard.

Chris: 48:20

And so props to you for going through everything that you went through in order to and and to choose that this is what you wanted to do and this is the way you wanted to do it. And even even though you didn't have much of a choice, I knew all the benefits. At some point, I mean you didn't have any choices anymore. Right. But you faced it head on, and and here we are. We have this awesome boy because of it.

Kayla: 48:46

Yes, and honestly, I'm pretty sure I said that night, like if I ever have another baby, I'm getting an epidural. But I did not. I had two more natural births after that. But so it just goes to show, like, even though it was really hard, I still chose it again and again and again. Um and you know, those stories we'll tell in future episodes of our other birth stories, but my births only got better, honestly, which was awesome. I did my postpartum. So my postpartum with Brinkley was just like what uh what is it like to be a mom? And how how do I do this? And how do I how does she sleep and how do I feed her? And it was all the like figuring it out and you know, being like sleep deprived for the first time and just feeling that genuinely the sleep deprivation. I had never really felt that in my life until then, and just you know, how do how do I do this? But you know, eventually you figure it out, you get the hang of it, and it everything was great. I felt, you know, great with my postpartum with her. Um, tired, but great. And she was not, she was not a sleeper. She was not like the sleep 20 hours a day newborn. She was like the I have FOMO and I'm here for whatever's happening, and my eyes are open and I would like to see what's going on. And she has been like that since she was born, and she is like that to this day. She cannot stand to miss out on anything. Um, Milo, on the other hand, so my postpartum with him, it was a lot more difficult, but not because of him. So for me, I felt like I had the newborn thing down. I was nursing him. He we were sideline nursing from like day two, and so I was getting more sleep at night.

Chris: 50:37

He also had a lot of really good muscle tone, and so he would be able, he could handle some of the big boy stuff, and also just because of his size, it seems like yeah, well, and he was more developed, like he was 42 weeks, brinkley was 39, so she took you know a little longer to learn some of that stuff, but I had nursed before, so like you know, I was just it wasn't him, but it was honestly the balancing act of now having him and a toddler that I was not prepared for, like, and I did not do well with that.

Kayla: 51:08

And um my very first day alone with both of them when Chris had gone back to work and my mom had gone back to work, and like I didn't have any help anymore. It was three weeks old, and I brainstormed all day about how I could go back to work. I was like, I want to go back to work. Somebody else come and do this for me. I don't want to be here anymore. Just, I was just, I felt if you follow the Enneagram, I know some people think it's of the devil. I'm not here to debate that. I'm just saying that I'm a seven and I wanted to be out. Okay. I wanted to get out, I wanted to go do stuff, but I felt so trapped. We also, it was like having the newborn who ate every hour and a half, and having the toddler who was about to be three and really entering like her three naterness. I just was that was a balancing act. There was nobody to like help or entertain, and I was just like, oh my gosh, like I will never ever pee alone ever again. I still feel like that though.

Chris: 52:12

Yeah, I don't pee alone either. It's okay.

Kayla: 52:14

Yeah. I had some some heart-to-heart times with Jesus during that time. Also just saying, like, Lord, why did you make it so much harder than I prayed for? Why was it so much more painful than I prayed for? Why was he so much bigger than I prayed for? Why did he come so much later? You know, I had a lot of questions. Those it was those first two months. I was just really like, I wasn't depressed. I didn't have postpartum depression. I was just like, gosh, this is hard. And gosh, Lord, come on, why didn't you do that? But thankfully in January, um, so he was born in mid-November, and then in January we had our 21 days of prayer and fasting at the church. And I really feel like that. I really I feel like that helped me come out of that and increased my faith and got me like kind of back on track. And by that point, he was um, you know, two and a half months, and I was just in a better place, which was good, really good and necessary.

Chris: 53:17

Moral of the story, my wife is a beast. And even though stuff can be really hard and pregnancy and labor and delivery can be really hard, it's worth the outcome.

Kayla: 53:28

It was. I would do it again for you, Milo. I wouldn't like it, but I would do it again. His, I will say, I've done this four times now, and his was my my most difficult. But you know, I would do it again. Because he's awesome. We love Milo.

Chris: 53:47

We love Milo.

Kayla: 53:48

We love Milo. Well, if you would like any more details about this story, I I type up all of my children's birth stories, not right away, but sometime like in the first year, and post them. So I'll post a link to that in the show notes because there are, you know, always some details in there that I probably didn't include in here and vice versa. But um I will post that in the show notes and then you'll just have to wait for the next one, Jentzen's birth story, which is unlike your wild cards, and for sure he was a wild card, unlike any other of my labors. Completely different. So stay tuned. Thanks again for joining us today. Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting subscribe. Also, we'd love for you to leave a review of the show so that more people like you can hear more stories like these. If you're local to the Triad of North Carolina and seeking childbirth classes, birth consultations, or a birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to our website for more information. Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice, so please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise. Also, if you would like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, please click the link in the episode show notes to get in touch with me. We hope you have a great week. And remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.