006: How God Gave Us Jentzen (with Christopher Heeter)

Get ready to hear all about how God gave us our third child, Jentzen.

If you want even more details, you can read his full birth story in blog form HERE.

----------------

Transcript

Kayla 0:03

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories. Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the pursuit of surrendering it all to God. Let's get started. Well, hey everybody. I'm excited today. I get to talk about my sweet Jentzen, my third-born child. Um, right now he just turned four, actually, and is the most difficult he has ever been. He is an escape artist, he is a messmaker, he is a tantrum thrower, he's just in that phase of life. But he is still the silliest, cutest, curliest haired boy I know. And I'm I'm just so glad that God blessed us with him. And I need to remind myself of that each day as he continues to get under my skin. What is it about toddlers that just get under my skin? I don't know. I can handle the newborn phase, I can handle even like one and two years old. But for some reason, when they hit three, it is like game on. And it's kind of that way until they're five, really. Um yeah. So, anyways, but he's four now and he definitely keeps us on his toes. But he has um a unique story as well, different from my first, different from my second, totally different. His was actually probably the most different. Um, I guess that's why they call third babies wild cards, but I am pumped for you to hear his story today, along, of course, with my favorite guest, my husband Chris. Well, welcome to another episode of the Surrendered Birth Stories Podcast. And my very special guest today.

Chris 2:10

My name is Chris, and I'm Kayla's husband.

Kayla 2:14

You're my favorite guest.

Chris 2:16

I'm so honored.

Kayla 2:17

You're my favorite person to have on here. Because you're my favorite person. Yeah.

Chris 2:22

Well, this is a little uptick from our last experience that we just had together. We had some dessert uh and we had some cheesecake from a new place in town.

Kayla 2:31

I don't know if it's that new. It's just new to us.

Chris 2:34

I suppose, but uh we're not gonna tell y'all where it was.

Kayla 2:40

As to not give them bad advertising. But if you message me privately, I'll tell you where to avoid.

Chris 2:45

But it was uh it was not a good piece of cheesecake.

Kayla 2:48

It was not. I'm glad we used a coupon and did buy one, get one free. It makes it a little bit better.

Chris 2:56

Yeah.

Kayla 2:57

But it was salty. Mine was salty, and there was whipped cream on it, and it and yours didn't have real crust.

Chris 3:07

It was cake. The crust was cake. That's so weird.

Kayla 3:10

It I don't know. I just need to keep making my own cheesecakes.

Chris 3:14

Your cheesecake is amazing. I ever even after the first bite, I was thinking to myself, oh my gosh, I wish I was eating Kayla's cheesecake. Anyway.

Kayla 3:24

Well, thank you. Last time we did this, you and I did this. You had pneumonia.

Chris 3:35

But we didn't know it at the time. I just I was just coughing and I was congested. And I sounded really strange, and lo and behold, it it turned out to be pneumonia.

Kayla 3:46

So if you go back and listen to Milo's episode, you will hear a sick version of Chris. But he was a trooper and he made it through.

Chris 3:56

Thank you.

Kayla 3:57

And so tonight or today, whenever you're listening to this, but right now it's like 10:15 at night, um, we're gonna talk about Jentzen's birthday. Oh, Jentzen. Oh, what a boy. Jentzen.

Chris 4:13

We love Jentzen.

Kayla 4:14

Okay, so we'll start from the very beginning with the fact that after Milo, we had the conversation, and I think we were like 95% sure we were done having kids.

Chris 4:29

After two, yeah.

Kayla 4:30

After two, because for me, two was really hard. Going from one to two was really hard for me.

Chris 4:39

It was hard, yeah, it was hard for everybody. I mean, the transition from having just one child that really needs you that's almost three years old, to having that plus a newborn and trying to adjust to that. It was just a really tough transition for for you in particular, because you were home with the kids.

Kayla 4:57

You know, and I think I talked about that a little bit at the end of Milo's story, but um it was hard for me for a while, and that's when I decided I really wanted to go back to work, not into teaching in the classroom, but just and not like part-time doula work, but like I wanted to go away daily to do something for myself, um, and just get a break, honestly. Okay, so we had just had the conversation that we were done having kids to the point where I sold all of my maternity clothes. Um, I I didn't get rid of all the baby stuff only because I knew we had so many friends with young babies, and it was nice just when they came over that I could be like, Oh, do you need this swing or do you need this seat or do you need this boppy?

Chris 5:51

And it's nap time. Here's a pack and play.

Kayla 5:54

Right, here's a pack and play, here's a great like it was just nice. So I didn't get rid of that stuff, but like I got rid of other things that I shouldn't have gotten rid of. Um, and then I feel like it was like a a month later, you came home and you told me that you wanted a third baby.

Chris 6:13

Right. I remember being at a funeral. Uh I was playing music for a funeral, and I remember it was these two uh early 30s sisters. It was just two, two sisters, their dad died. And I remember looking at them and saying, or thinking to myself, oh my gosh, like if one of our kids, Lord forbid, ever were to pass away, there's only one, and they would be lonely. And quick backstory on some of my history, my I'm one of three boys, um, but the age difference, I'm youngest by a long shot. Uh, but my middle brother passed away in 2008, and um, and so to me, it it didn't feel like a possibility until it happened that one of my siblings would pass away. And so just thinking through that lens, it's like, oh goodness, I I don't want to just have to I just thought I thought to myself, oh gosh, like if one of them passes, that would be m horrible, but it would be extra horrible to have to go through it alone. Not that our kids wouldn't have us, um, but uh to not be able to relate with a sibling during that time, that would just be really tough. And so I remember having that epiphany when I was there.

Kayla 7:33

Yeah, which for me at the time was not like not enough of a reason. Only because Milo's pregnancy was so much harder than Brinkley's, and just the transition was so much harder. So I was just still like, whoa, no, I'm barely making it with two at home. I will die if there are three at home. Like, it's not gonna happen. So I actually started actively searching for a job, and it was like several months later, I think like seven or eight months later, I was in the process of interviewing for a position at the pregnancy care center, which I was really excited about. Um, because it was like ministry and birth, and you know, it was just an awesome opportunity. And um in the middle of that, I had been driving home one day from somewhere, probably picking up Brinkley from preschool or something, and the Lord finally gave me a piece about having a third child and that we would make it and he would take care of us and it would be okay, and just to trust him. And so you and I ended up going on a date. It was either like that night or the next night, and we were sitting at the dinner table. I remember we went to melt in Greensboro, and I remember looking at you and being like, Okay, all right, we can have a third baby. Like, God's giving me a piece about it now, we can do this. But then the question of when came up because I was like, Oh, but not yet, because this and this, and what about this? And we can't do it that because what about this? And like, I was just trying to super plan it and super plan, super plan. And then I think within that conversation, or within soon after that, it was sort of like, well, if we're gonna do this, like let's just surrender and let the Lord decide when we're supposed to have a baby.

Chris 9:44

Yeah, because there was always gonna be something that's in the way.

Kayla 9:47

Yeah, there's always gonna be something that didn't line up with the calendar for the case.

Chris 9:50

Especially if you have more, even more kids or you have really like strong career aspirations. Like there's always gonna be something.

Kayla 9:57

It's never gonna be the right time. So we did decide though that we would wait until I got one more cycle, like one more period, and then after that we would like stop using protection because at the time we were on the um condom train. So I was supposed to get my period when we were going to on a trip in Ohio. We had a friend's wedding to go to. So I like brought all the things that I was gonna need with me and went up, took the kids up, went on that trip, went to that wedding, and it never came. And I just thought, oh, it's the travel, it's the stress, it's the okay, whatever. We came back, still didn't get it all week, still didn't have it. And I remember the next weekend you were like, um, do you think you should take a test? And I was like, no, it's impossible. Like, we use protection. There's no way that I could be pregnant. It's impossible. And you're like, Well, I mean, you're late. Like, why don't we try? Because at this point, I was like over a week late, maybe like a week and a half. So I was like, fine, whatever. I'm just gonna go to the Dollar Tree, get a dollar test, bring it home, show you I'm not pregnant. And I was so convinced that there was no way that I could be. And oh gosh, that morning was so hard. I don't know if you remember this. We had taken the kids to the dentist, and we found out that morning that Brinkley had like 10 cavities and needed like $5,000 worth of dental work, and which, hello, I'm not working. And so I'm like, oh, like I can't, we can't do like I'm like so overwhelmed by that news. And then I don't know, an hour later, I took this pregnancy test that I expected to be negative, and lo and behold, it was positive.

Chris 11:53

The Dollar Tree, you know, they uh they got it right.

Kayla 11:57

Those tests work just the same. I'll tell you, there's no point in spending $10 or $15 or however much they charge for the other ones now. The dollar, well, although now you would have to pay a dollar twenty-five because of inflation. So let's let's be real.

Chris 12:13

But anyways, there's unless you want one of those tests that tells you a couple days early.

Kayla 12:18

Oh, and then it tells you like the percentage of it being right that early. It's not whatever. So, anyways, so when God had given me that piece about okay, we can have this third baby, I was already pregnant and didn't know it. Yeah, which was good he gave me that piece because that was gonna be a much a bigger shock to the system, otherwise.

Chris 12:45

This is my reasoning that uh that uh we don't have to classify this pregnancy or conception rather as an accident.

Kayla 12:53

Right. Well, that's such a hard word, that's such a triggering word for some people. It it was not uh it was not a conscious conception to use a term that I hear tossed around all the time.

Chris 13:09

I would agree with that.

Kayla 13:10

It was not a conscious conception, it was a condom conception. That's what I'll say. Anyways, I was pregnant, but I we found out so much later than we had with the others that I mean less than a week. I was so incredibly sick, like so, so sick. And I ended up during that time. Quick note, ended up getting offered a job at our church that was gonna be providing child care. And so I ended up turning down the pregnancy care center job that I had been offered.

Chris 13:49

Um But you had also been wanting to work at the church for a while.

Kayla 13:53

Yeah, no, I had been wanting to work at our church for years, so it was sort of like just this incredible opportunity. I just felt bad because I was like supposed to show up for my first day like that following Monday, and by Sunday night, I was like immobile, could not move. I was so sick.

Chris 14:10

Yeah, when did when did you end up uh because you ended up going to the hospital?

Kayla 14:14

Yeah, that was like two days later. It was like Tuesday. Yeah, we went to the hospital. I got fluids, I got um IV anti-nause medicine. And I mean, that was awful. I have never felt so sick in my life. And I think I think part of it was just like we had no time to prepare. It was just like, oh, this is happening right now. So I was not ready for it. And I mean, that was a dark, that was a dark, a dark time for me. Like I was, and this is hard. This is hard to admit, but it was real and it was raw. I would go to the bathroom, be throwing up everywhere, on the bathroom floor, can't move, shaking, praying to God for a miscarriage so that I didn't have to feel that way anymore. Praying that he would give this baby to somebody else who wanted it more than I did. Like who thought that all of that physical like misery was worth it. Because I at the time, while I was in it, just thought I just wanted somebody to knock me unconscious and wake me up when it was all over. Because I was so, so miserable. It was awful.

Chris 15:37

Just so in the future, if Jentzen hears this, I want to ask you the question was it worth it?

Kayla 15:42

It was worth it. It was worth well, obviously it was worth it because hello, babies four and five. But um, but at the time, that's just like in all transparency, that is where my mental state was. It was so hard.

Chris 15:57

You were not in a good place mentally and physically. I don't know if I really ever seen you that bad before because you were you were like eyes closed, barely could walk. Um, I had to help you down the stairs the day that we went to the hospital.

Kayla 16:12

Like you could I mean it f I mean I had body ache, I had chills, like, and it wasn't the flu, it was it was the pregnancy. Because I didn't have a fever anymore.

Chris 16:20

Because it persisted for such a long time.

Kayla 16:23

Yeah, it was so, so hard. Um, but about 23 weeks in gosh, that's like over halfway. That's pretty serious. But I finally started feeling better. But um I did end up going to work eventually, I think a few weeks later than planned, which was a good distraction for because it was like half days, um, which was a nice, it was just nice to not have to be responsible for the two little kids during that time. And even though I was throwing up while I was at work, it was nice to just be able to throw up and then like keep going back to what I was doing. Um, because it was a desk job. I wasn't like up and moving around a lot. But man, hard times. Oh, I knew that this child would be a boy. I knew that before we ever did an ultrasound because about a year before that, I had what you would call, I don't want to say pregnancy scare, because you know, it's I don't know, that doesn't sound right, but I thought I was pregnant. Um, I was two weeks late and I had a one-year-old, like Milo was one, and I was like, there's no way. Oh my gosh, this can't be happening to me. Like, just, you know, I was just really freaked out. But during those two weeks, I felt so I just drew really close to the Lord and really leaned on him and was really praying and worshiping and just sort of like giving it over. And during that time, he told me that we were gonna have a boy. Like clear's day, told me we were gonna have a boy. And so when I ended up um getting my period, you know, a couple weeks later, I was like, oh, okay, false alarm. Right. He just was testing me, okay? He was just testing me to see if I would surrender, to see if I would just let him be in control. Um, but I never thought we would actually have another baby. I just thought he was testing me. Well, then, of course, when we found out that we're pregnant with Jentzen, I knew it was a boy immediately. I was like, oh, this is the boy that the Lord told me about a year ago. So there was no question in my mind. Um, and that's the only time I've ever felt that way. Like super, super confident in that.

Chris 18:53

Uh we were uh we were uh scheduled to have this wonderful baby at the birth center this time around as well, just like we did with Milo last time.

Kayla 19:05

Yeah.

Chris 19:06

And so um we were not planning for a home birth. I don't remember if it was on the table at all.

Kayla 19:11

No, a home birth was not on the table this time because our insurance just be it was all like insurance-based, and which in hindsight, I don't recommend making birth decisions solely on insurance. That is not the best. However, we had had such a good experience with Milo at the birth center, comparatively speaking, to the hospital, that we just felt like, of course, we're gonna go back there. I mean, they felt like family to us, like it just like they knew us, we knew them. It felt like kind of a second home. So it felt very comforting to go back there. And so yeah, so we had planned this as a birth center birth, the one in Statesville, just like Milo. Um, From the beginning.

Chris 20:01

And also m one of my big things going into that decision was that they were just absolute rock stars at Milo's birth because that was a difficult, a very difficult birth. And they did such an amazing job. Um and they got a you know, 10-pound, 12-ounce baby out. It's like, oh goodness, well, yeah, you guys are amazing. You stay positive the whole time. I'm uh, you say basically, in my mind, it's like this saved my baby's life in a lot of ways.

Kayla 20:36

Let's fast forward to the end of the pregnancy. Um, I was in good health, I felt good, I actually felt a lot better than I did at the end of Milo's. I was dancing, I was moving, everything was going good.

Chris 20:50

But I tell me about your dancing.

Kayla 20:54

I I lead a dance group at my church. Oh, oh you know that. Um, but here I was like 37, 38, 39 weeks pregnant, and like just hip hopping all around. Thought that would get the baby out. It didn't, but it would have been nice. Um, so I was getting fearful that I would have to deliver another 11-pound baby. And not that I didn't think I was capable, I just didn't want to. I just thought, you know, it would be nice if I could push out a baby that was smaller than Milo. So I was concerned about going any later because I knew they would just get bigger. So I'm like, that's what they do. So I started doing all the things at like 39 weeks, started doing all the the nipple stimulation and the um the walking and the sex. And I had already been doing red raspberry leaf tea and evening primrose oil and all the things. And I even this time did the dreaded castor oil. Oh, it's the only time I've done it. Um, it didn't work, but I did it. I didn't throw up, actually, amazingly, which was really surprising.

Chris 22:17

Is this the one that we did, the midwife's cocktail? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Kayla 22:22

I never that's well, I made one. You made one. That was for true, and I didn't get but one sip down before it came back up. But that is a story for another time.

Chris 22:31

To be continued.

Kayla 22:32

So, so, anyways, I went to the birth center a couple of times to get my membrane swept. I was just like, all the things, do all the things. I don't want to push out an 11-pound baby. So I was getting really frustrated. I was getting um to that point. I also don't like to go to church at the very end of my pregnancies because I don't like hearing all the comments of everyone's like, oh my God, you're still pregnant and you're getting so big and that baby isn't out yet. Like it just drives me crazy because I'm so emotionally sensitive at that point that I cannot take it. I'll either say something really nasty back to them or I'll just break down and cry.

Chris 23:14

Which have you ever have you ever said something nasty?

Kayla 23:18

No, but I say it in my head. So, but I'm afraid it will come out one day. So I just avoid it. So I dropped the kids off at church with you, because you were already there, and left. And I came home and I cried and I took a nap, and then I took more castor oil, and then I was just like, this sucks. It was bad. I was I was 40 weeks. That was the that was my due date. Um, I think, or maybe it was the day after, something like it was around 40 weeks. So then um you were coming home and I said, Okay, new plan. I said, I'm gonna forget that I'm pregnant, we're going on a date tonight. We got a babysitter, and I was like, we're going out, which we never do on a Sunday night. But so we were gonna do dinner in a movie, and we were on our way to the restaurant, and I just said, like, hey, I give up. Okay, I'm done trying to get this baby to come out of me. I'm just gonna surrender, which is what I should have done from the beginning. And I just told you I was like, this is where I'm at, this is what it is, and I'm I'm done. We're just gonna pretend like I'm not even trying to have a baby right now. We're just gonna go on a date and have a good time. It was our due date date.

Chris 24:36

Oh, that's really sweet.

Kayla 24:38

So we get to the restaurant and the bone fish grill, which is like our our date spot.

Chris 24:45

Oh, correction. It's not the bone fish grill, it is just bonefish grill.

Kayla 24:51

Oh, well. You should know that 20 years later, I learned something new. So um, so we're sitting at the table and Chris prays for us, and he says a prayer, and he's praying over our food, but he's also praying over just the pregnancy and the surrender, and just like giving this situation over to the Lord and letting us just be filled with his peace. And I kid you not, like our food was sitting in front of us, and I go to take a bite, and my water breaks.

Chris 25:24

Dun dun dun.

Kayla 25:26

Sitting there at the booth, and I was like, Because in the first two with my first two babies, they had broken my water during labor. So, like my water had never broken on its own, and I had never had my water break to start a labor because I hadn't been having any contractions. So this was a new sensation for me, but I knew exactly what it was when it happened because it feels like warm fluid spilling out of you, going everywhere, dripping onto the floor, like everything. So I looked at you and I remember I was just like, um, my water just broke. And you were like, for real? I was like, Yes. And you're like, what do we do? And I was like, get the check. Because which in hindsight I shouldn't have done, and we should have just stayed and had dinner and gone to the movie and everything, but knowing that in my other two labors, after my water had broken, that is when things like picked up and got really serious and really fast. So I was thinking, well, if my water breaks now, like that could happen now. So I just wanted to be prepared, you know, and I wanted to go home. But we really should have stayed.

Chris 26:43

We're missing a minor detail that I'd like to share.

Kayla 26:47

Share it.

Chris 26:48

So after your water broke, we you know, felt the courtesy to tell somebody at the restaurant that there's gonna be something to clean up. So you uh flag down this poor little bus boy. He couldn't have been more than like 17. Hey, hey, come here. And then you said, um my water just broke. Can you please get me a bunch of bar towels? And the look on his face, I don't know if it was just I wouldn't call it being petrified, but he was somewhere between uncomfortable and petrified for sure.

Kayla 27:30

He looked like he was scarred, like he I felt so bad. But I also was like, I didn't need to clean this up. I also didn't want to just leave a sopping mess of like a it looked like someone got in their water glass and just poured it on on the booth. So I was trying to clean up after myself.

Chris 27:48

Why is this water so warm?

Kayla 27:50

Right, warm and salty. Um, anyways, poor busboy. I hope he's okay. So we go home and I call my mom over and we send the babysitter home and we're all like getting ready, and like nothing happens. No contractions, nothing. And I called the midwife at the birth center just to let her know, and she was like, Okay, well, you know, just go to bed. Like, let us know if anything happens. And I'm like, really? So, you know, opposite from the hospital. She said, now I don't know if this is still true here in the state of North Carolina in 2023, but this was 2019. And she said, No, you have up to 72 hours before we would need to intervene, like and do anything to move the labor along. But basically, like my water can be broken for up to 72 hours before they do anything. Seriously? Okay, well, I guess I'm gonna go to bed. And so we did, we went to bed, slept all night, nothing happened. I didn't have any contractions. I called the next morning and I was like, okay, like nothing's going on still. And that's when they said they were like, okay, well, you know, if you want, you can do nipple stimulation, you can drink castor oil, you can do these things, but like it's fine. And I was just like, oh. So here I am again trying to put myself into labor, like hooked up to the breast pump and drinking the castor oil and doing, like, doing all the things and being like, this sucks, like nothing is happening. And I was so frustrated. We were even watching comedy shows to try and keep my mind like in a good place. We had sent the kids to daycare for the day, so it's just you and I at home and all day, like nothing is happening. So, and we couldn't have sex because my water was broken. So we just were like waiting, and I was literally so frustrated. So we decide, and I even called the midwife, and I was like, Well, could I just like come in? She's like, I mean, you can, but like, we're probably just gonna send you home. And I was like, Oh, okay, well, there's no point in coming in. So I remember we went upstairs and decided to take a nap, and you prayed for me again, and you were like sitting at the edge of the bed, and I had on a diaper because my water had broken. So, you know, to catch all the things, and you prayed for me, and it was basically like the same prayer we had prayed the day before about surrender and about like giving this over to the Lord and letting him be in control because in less than 24 hours I forgot that lesson. So he uh you prayed, and then right after you prayed, right before we laid down, I had another huge gush of water. And it wasn't like the trickling that comes like in between, but it was like an additional almost carbon copy of the one the day before, which can happen. Like the baby's head can be, you know, in a position where it's blocking like a forward bag of waters, and then it can shift and then the water can come out. So it was like my water broke again. Okay, I'm gonna take that as a sign for the second time in a row that okay, cool. Still no contractions, but I laid down and we took a nap, and it was a solid nap. It was like 45 minutes of like deep, good sleep that I think we both really needed at that point.

Chris 31:33

It was like a like a Ross Skeller and Joey Tribbiani nap. Yes, it was that kind of a nap.

Kayla 31:40

If you watch Friends and you've seen that episode, it was a good nap. So um, I woke up from the nap before Chris, not with a contraction, but I just had like a feeling. Like there was just like a feeling that woke me up. I woke you up and I said, Okay, like let's go finish our date. So our plan was to go finish our date from the night before because we didn't get to. My sister was gonna pick up the kids from daycare and bring them back to the house. And so I wanted to be out of the house before the kids got home. And so I just said, Well, let's let's go finish our date. So I went to the bathroom and I remember I just started shaking. I started getting the chills, my teeth started chattering, my whole body was just like, I started getting nauseous. I remember feeling this way in transition with Milo. So I'm like, why is this happening? I hadn't, I still hadn't had a contraction. So we get our stuff, we go downstairs. I'm of course like, well, yeah, we're gonna bring our stuff for the labor just in case like anything happens while we're out. When we're getting ready to get in the car, I walked downstairs and in the kitchen. I remember clear as day, we were standing at the corner of the kitchen, and my first contraction hit me, and it hit me like a freight train. And I grabbed onto you and just like sunk into you and was like, oh, like immediately vocal. Like it was like immediate, and it felt exactly like a transition contraction. And I was like, it's time to go to the birth center, like right now, like one contraction in, and I'm like, it's time, we're going. And you're like, uh uh, okay.

Chris 33:28

Yeah. Well, I remember the I mean, with our first two, it was it was a a lot more gradual.

Kayla 33:35

Oh, yeah, it was very gradual.

Chris 33:36

And so I think I was in that moment, I was just kind of confused because it was it was just so sudden. Yeah.

Kayla 33:44

And so uh Well, but my water had already broken, so that's a big part of it.

Chris 33:48

Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah. But the uh the the gradual onset of contractions, yeah. It's just what I had been used to, and then none of that this time. Yeah.

Kayla 33:59

So I went zero to sixty. I mean, I hit transition in my kitchen. I had no early labor, no active labor. It was like, this is it. And so we get in the car and you fly to the birth center, even though it was rush hour traffic. That's the thing. We left at like 5:30 on a weekday. So it was totally rush hour. And I remember when we got to Winston and all the traffic around Winston, and you were like debating, jumping on the shoulder and just like flooring it. Cause I was just, I mean, my contractions were right on top of one another. It was like I was getting like a 30-second break in between them.

Chris 34:38

Well, my husband protector mode was setting in.

Kayla 34:41

Yeah.

Chris 34:42

At that point, I'm like, if a policeman's gonna stop me, then he's gonna escort me. Yeah, he'll he'll take me, you know, the the rest of the hour drive.

Kayla 34:51

Right.

Chris 34:52

So is uh did we miss that detail that the birth center is an hour and a half away?

Kayla 34:56

Yeah, I think we said that in the last one. It's like an hour 20 from our house, but I think you got there, honestly, in like under an hour. Like you drove fast, which I thoroughly appreciated because I was in very hard labor. And I was just sitting up upright in the car the whole time. Um, and honestly, I was timing contractions on like the little contraction timer just so I could have something to focus on. I knew they were right on top of each other. I didn't need to be timing them, but I was just like, I need something to look at, I need something to focus on. And then you you turn my worship playlist on, which I really appreciated because I was like, oh yeah, that's what I made that for for this moment. So that was good. And I started listening to that. Um, but it was that was the most intense car ride of my life. And I remember right as soon as we pulled off the highway, I opened the door about to throw up, and then I was like, no, okay, let's just keep going, keep going. And I closed the door and like we zoomed down whatever that road is right there. I remember we pulled in to the birth center and they were all standing outside waiting because they knew I was gonna be there. My mom was already there, she beat us, and it was Marcia and somebody else, and they were like, Okay, Kayla, it's time to get out of the car. And I was like, No, like I knew that as soon as I moved, I was gonna have another contraction, and I just they're so intense, I didn't want to. And so they opened the door and they undid my seatbelt, and they were like, Nope, we're gonna go. And like they picked me up. I had one midwife under one arm, one under the other arm, and they like carried me. I like floated into the birth center. It felt like I was gliding.

Chris 36:46

That's so majestic, though.

Kayla 36:47

It was. They were so I'm like, wow, I weigh a lot right now. How are you guys doing this? They were so strong. But they wanted me inside.

Chris 36:56

To be a mid-wife, you have to have a gym membership.

Kayla 36:59

Yeah.

Chris 37:00

Then commit to going five days a week.

Kayla 37:02

Well, if you're a midwife, you're not going five days a week. But anyway, so they got me inside. They wanted to check me. And based on how I was feeling, the fact that I was a seven disappointed me. I was like, only I'm only dilated seven. Like I was so disappointed. Only because I was like, this is it. I am in transition. And I was, but then Marsha was like, you know, you could dilate to like nine in one contraction. I was like, oh, you're right. I know that. Okay, fine. So they had already filled up the tub for me. So I get in the tub, and um, and you got in the tub right after me because my back immediately started hurting back labor because this baby had moved down and had another big head. Um, not as big as Milo's, praise Jesus. So you were giving me counterpressure. I was in the tub, worship music playing. I remember biting my hand through a contraction and biting a washcloth through a contraction and just like biting things to get through them. I was not in a great mental state. I think I was just like like overtaken, overwhelmed. You know, it it was just happening so fast that like I did not have time to like properly mentally prepare. There was no, I mean, you're right. There was, it was no gradual increase. It just, I was at the end when I started, which is a blessing in all honesty. But it was just like I could not, my mind couldn't catch up with what my body was doing. So I was, I was not in the best place. And Louisa, my friend, was supposed to be there and acting as my doula, but she was driving from her vacation home in the mountains a couple hours away. So it was gonna take her, you know, twice as long as it was gonna take us. So she wasn't there. Um, she would have been the one to get in my face and to snap me out of it and to be like, Kayla, get it together. But which is what I wanted her to do, but but she wasn't there, so I was not getting it together. So not long after I was in there, it felt pretty quick. I got pushy and I started feeling that pressure, which was like shocking to me because I'm like, oh my gosh, I have been in hour or labor for like a second. Like, how am I already feeling this urge to push? Well, I did sort of like a practice push, if you will, in the tub. And all of a sudden I just had total clarity. And because I wanted a water birth because I wanted one with Milo, but they made me get out, so like I didn't get one. So I was like, I'm gonna have one this time. But I did that practice push and was like, you know what? I can push this baby out faster on land than in water. And at that point, whatever is faster is better. So So I like came up with this plan and I remember in between a contraction, I looked at everybody in the room and I said, okay, this is what's gonna happen. I need you to put my heating pad on the bed and crank it to high because I need it for my back. I'm getting out of the tub, I'm coming to the bed and I'm gonna push him out. And they were like, Okay, everybody get ready. So, of course, the second you move, you have a contraction. So as soon as I got out of the tub, I had a contraction right there on the floor, and I'm pushing because I'm there. So I remember they put like all these pads under me and they were like ready to catch. And I was like, nope, nope, nope, I'm gonna make it to the bed. I'm gonna make it to the bed.

Chris 40:41

Like, so I remember one of the midwife when uh after he was born saying, I was ready as soon as you got out of that tub to deliver that baby on the floor.

Kayla 40:52

Yes, they were, they were, they were ready, which was great. But I was I was determined to get in the bed. So I got in the bed, you were right behind me, like supporting me from behind. And I think at this point, you still really did not realize how fast this was going.

Chris 41:09

Oh, I had no, no, absolutely not. Yeah. And and I'll expound upon that later, I'm sure.

Kayla 41:16

Um, so once I got into a good position and like got into kind of like a little rhythm, I mean, it was I mean, it was definitely less than 10 minutes. But if I go look back at the video, maybe even less than five of me actually pushing him out. Like he came, you know, because like for Brinkley, first baby epidural, 40 minutes, not bad. For Milo, second baby, huge baby, natural birth, an hour. It took me an hour because he was giant. And I really do think I started pushing too soon. But with this one, it was like boom, less than five minutes. Here comes this baby. And look looking back at the birth video, I have to mute it every time because I was screaming like a banshee. I didn't have anybody in my face telling me to calm down, and that's what I needed to do. I needed to calm down, but I was so like emotionally overtaken by how fast everything was going and how intense everything was. And I didn't have anyone in my face telling me to calm down. I was screaming him out. Like I was not pushing him out, I was screaming him out, like loud, high-pitched sounds like I'm being murdered screams. And it's embarrassing to like look back at that. So I always mute that whenever watch that video. But he came out. I was telling, oh, at that point, Marsha had left and a different midwife had come, Tiffany, because they were switching shifts like right when I got there. And I looked at her and I was like, pull him out of me. Like, pull him out. And she was like, No, you just you you just need to push him out. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. Because you know, even though it was only a couple minutes, it was just so it was it was very intense. Again, I was not in the right mental pace place, but it was very intense.

Chris 43:18

Yeah, I remember when you were screaming, wondering why why are you screaming? And uh, and I was so concerned because I'm just such an empath, like an empath that it's hard for me to not live your pain. And that's a big reason why it's hard for me to get in in it was hard for me to not just try to bring that clarity to you. It's like this is not gonna, this is not helpful, even though it's it's happening very fast. Like, channel channel some of this uh some of this intensity that you're feeling in a different way that's more effective, you know.

Kayla 44:00

But you didn't say that to me.

Chris 44:02

I didn't say that to you.

Kayla 44:03

You were just hiding your head behind mine. Like if you look in the video, it's like your head is hiding, you're putting your head down, like I can't watch that.

Chris 44:10

Well, it's not that I can't watch it, it's that it's just um unbearable to see my perception of what your pain was. And um, and that's just kind of a testament to why it's important to have a doula there.

Kayla 44:23

Um, because Louisa was supposed to be, she just was two hours away, right?

Chris 44:27

Yeah. So um, so that was that was really interesting. And I I really had no idea how how far along you were. I mean, you mentioned pushing for five minutes, and I remember the first two minutes, it's like she's screaming, oh my gosh, this is I hope this doesn't go on much longer because I don't know if I can take it. But then they're talking about like how they can see the head, and like, wait, what? You can see the head right now, and um, I remember being excited because I knew the moment was close, but also I knew that at the same time uh that I was about to, you know, meet my baby.

Kayla 45:08

So they brought him up and he was on my chest, and I I think this it's the only labor or only baby I have ever just started bawling. Like I was uncontrollably crying, like happy tears, like just that hormone rush that just comes over you, and I was just like, oh my god, and I just kept saying his name over and over Jentzen, Jentzen, Jentzen, like just over and over and over, and I was just I was sobbing, but like in the best way, you know.

Chris 45:44

It was very sweet. I I was crying too. You were, and um, and I'm you're not a crier. I'm not a crier, I cry on the inside, but I you know, it's funny. I mean one of my new year's resolutions was to to cry five times that year, and I think I made it to two and that was trying, you know. But uh I do remember when he came out, it was just it was so incredible because to see the bond between mother and child is just so special. And when he was laid on your chest, and I could just tell that you were just so glad that he was there, not just that the the labor and delivery was over, but that you he was there and that you were with him and that you were meeting him for the first time, it was just so special.

Kayla 46:34

Yeah, it was so special, and he he was only nine pounds so a big relief compared to Milo. He was only nine pounds, and his head, I don't remember how big his head was, but it was not 15 and a half, like it was it was probably like 14, so that was easier to get out as well.

Chris 46:58

Fun fact is that um Brinkley was seven pounds four ounces, Milo was ten pounds twelve ounces, the exact center of those two numbers is nine pounds on the dot. On the dot, which I thought was just so wild.

Kayla 47:18

I did it, I made a medium small, medium, large. I made one in each size. Um, but it was awesome. Louisa got there like eight minutes later, so she was sad she missed it, but I was just glad it was over. Um, but it was so fast. He was born, let's see, first contraction was at like 5 30, and he was born at 7 41 p.m. So like just over two hours later from start to finish, which is what they would call a precipitous labor. That's a word that you know it's a birth word, but they are well, it's not a birth word, it's a word, but it's a word that's used commonly in birth circles. Yeah, for fast labors. So it um it was intense and it was fast. But after it was over, I was like, well, I would do that again over you know, over the longer labors because it was, you know, it was so fast. Although, you know, it was I didn't get to like enjoy it or kind of be in the moment. It was definitely happening kind of for me, but but it was it was a very, I'll say like redemptive birth because the transition with Milo was so hard that this felt now, not the throwing up part of the pregnancy, that was awful, but like the rest of the pregnancy and into like the labor and delivery just felt really redemptive. It just felt so sweet. And and then honestly, he was the best newborn until he got sick, which is a different story, but until he got sick, he was the best newborn, and he was so sleepy, and he would just like wake up nurse and immediately fall back asleep. You didn't have to rock him or anything, he was just that little lump, that little lump of slumber, and and it was summertime, which I honestly really enjoyed. I thought it would be too hot, but I really loved it. And we were I remember coming home from the birth center with like a tank top and flip-flops and shorts. It's not winter, and I'm not all covered up with blankets and sweaters and stuff.

Chris 49:36

I do remember a lot of n the post-birth time with him just being so calm and peaceful. So peaceful. Um, I remember, you know, when we even uh when we had visited like and gone on like errands and stuff with just him when the other kids were in daycare, it was just like this is so nice. Um, partially because our other kids are just generally kind of intense when they were that when they were the age that they were when Jentzen was born.

Kayla 50:09

But yeah, well, and it was nice too because this transition was so much smoother. Like Milo and Brinkley played with each other, so it wasn't like I had someone, you know, at my ankles every time I'm trying to nurse this child. And obviously, like I was also working, so I was on maternity leave with him while the kids were in daycare a lot. So it was, you know, it was just a different experience, but I think it's what we really needed, what I really needed during that time. It was much better for my mental state for sure to have that time with him. And I won't get into the story tonight about um how sick he ended up getting. That's a whole nother story, but it was really good that like the kids were at daycare and I was at home with him during that time to figure out all of his health issues that he ended up um with later on. Well, that was it. That was our story of Jentzen Cove is his middle name. Jentzen Cove Heeter. Do we go over everyone's names?

Chris 51:16

No.

Kayla 51:17

Okay, well, so we have Brinkley, Harvest, Heeter, and we have Milo, Halstead, Heeter, and now Jentzen, Cove, Heeter. And we won't take the time to explain where all of those names came from and what they mean because that would take a while, but they all came from places and they all have meanings.

Chris 51:40

This is true. This is true. This is true.

Kayla 51:43

And now Jentzen is almost four and an escape artist. Let's just say that. The best description of him right now is he can escape out of anything and anywhere in the sneakiest little ways.

Chris 51:59

Yeah, he's a natural Houdini these days.

Kayla 52:01

Oh my gosh. Yes. Whew. Okay. Well, until next time. Next time is True's true's birth story coming up soon. And that, uh, that's probably my favorite. I love all of my children equally, but that's probably my favorite birth story.

Chris 52:22

Well, I I would probably say it's because it was your favorite birth.

Kayla 52:26

Yeah. Yes, that would make sense. Thanks again for joining us today. Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting subscribe. Also, we'd love for you to leave a review of the show so that more people like you can hear more stories like these. If you're local to the Triad of North Carolina and seeking childbirth classes, birth consultations, or a birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to our website for more information. Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice, so please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise. Also, if you would like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, please click the link in the episode show notes to get in touch with me. We hope you have a great week. And remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.