008: How God Gave Us Tru (with Christopher Heeter)

Get ready to hear all about how God gave us our fourth child, Tru.

If you want even more details, you can read his full birth story in blog form HERE.

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Transcript

Kayla: 0:03

Hi, and welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories. Birth Stories, Birth Education, and the pursuit of surrendering it all to God. Let's get started. Well, today is a special day. I am finally getting to share our fourth birth story, which is our first home birth story, which is, it was just a dream come Tru. And this story is just near and dear to my heart. It really is, oh, it was just maybe the best night of my life. So I know it's funny to say that about birth, but there's been such a growth journey for me from when I gave birth to my first in the hospital. Um, and then with my other two at the birth center to being able to deliver at home in my own room, in my own bed. It was just, it was like nothing else. And I can see why other women say now that birth, um, like natural birth at home is addicting and that there's just this high that comes with it, this birth high that is unlike anything you've ever experienced. And um I feel closer to Jesus when I am in that space than maybe in any other earthly experience I've ever had. So oh, it's just making me so excited to do it again here soon. And maybe by the time this podcast plays, I would have already had my fifth baby. I'm not sure. We'll see. But I'm just I'm excited. I hope you guys enjoy the story, and I hope you, of course, enjoy my favorite guest, my husband Chris. He really is the best, y'all. Welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories. I am excited that my guest today is my husband.

Chris: 2:15

Hooray!

Kayla: 2:16

Hooray! You're back for another story.

Chris: 2:20

This is my fourth time. I feel so special.

Kayla: 2:22

It is your fourth time, but not your last.

Chris: 2:25

That's true.

Kayla: 2:26

Because we have another one on the way. Although it may be here by the time this one airs. I don't know. That's the whole thing. It's like I'm pregnant while we're recording this, but whenever this actually plays, it's highly likely that I will have already had this baby.

Chris: 2:43

That's right, because this is episode eight. And if you launch on Labor Day, yep, yep, that's the one. This will come out shortly after the baby's born.

Kayla: 2:50

That's the plan. Okay, so we're gonna talk about Tru story today. Our fourth child, Tru, aka Truby Doobie. Truby Doobie. That's what we call him. Yes, he gets called Truby a lot. And I know that's kind of that sounds like a girl's name, but it happened. I'll tell you why it happened. Okay, quick story before we tell the birth story. I have a song for each of our kids that I have made up for them whenever I have been like alone with them in the newborn days, like in the first couple of weeks, I make up a song to sing to them that has their name in it. And usually it's to the tune of another song, and I just changed the lyrics. So Brinkley's is to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Chris: 3:44

AKA the ABC's.

Kayla: 3:46

Yeah. But but it's like Brinkley Brinkley, or no, it's Sprinkle Sprinkle. Yeah. Because her we call her Sprinkle. Sprinkle, Sprinkle, Little Girl is the name of that song. And then Milo's, his is Milo Man. And apparently it's to some song I've I that I don't know, but I thought it I just made it up. But apparently, apparently I didn't just make it up. Milo Man. Um, and then Jentzen's uh what's what's his Jentzen Cove? What is that song?

Chris: 4:22

This old man.

Kayla: 4:23

This old man. Okay. I was like, what's that song? I had to think for a second too. I'm so used to calling it Jentzen Cove. His is to this old man. Um, and then Tru's felt um very natural. Um I started calling him Truby Doobie-Doo. So I did his to the theme song of the Scooby-Doo cartoon. So his is like Truby Doobie-Doo. And it has the most words, and um, but I've memorized them pretty quickly, and I still sing that to him every night before he goes to bed.

Chris: 5:02

And I try.

Kayla: 5:03

And you try.

Chris: 5:04

Because it's the longest one with the most words.

Kayla: 5:06

Yeah. Maybe one day I'll put them all on like an Instagram story or something.

Chris: 5:12

That'd be cute.

Kayla: 5:13

Okay, so let's start with the fact that when Jentzen was when our third was two months old, um, and right after we got shortly after we got home from the hospital, um, from all of his health issues he was having, which I talked about in episode two, actually, before even his birth story. Um shortly after that, uh, I really had a desire to had to have a fourth child. Because with each of our kids, you know, after the second, it was kind of like, yeah, this is it. Um, we're like 95% sure we're done. And then when we were having our third, we were both sure, like, okay, this is it. We're never doing this again, we're done. And then um, a couple months after he was born, so we had like a two-month-old. I remember telling you at the kitchen table at our old house that I wanted a fourth child. And you, you did not. And I said, I know he's only a couple months old. I'm not saying right now, I'm just saying one day. I'd like to have one one day. And um, I said, let's like table. This was like in September. And I said, like, let's just like table this conversation until like the new year, until January. And I just want to let you know that that's what I'm you know, feeling. And and so, and then you immediately went into all these reasons as to why we should not have a fourth job. And I was like, hello, we said we were gonna table it till January, but so we did. We tabled it for a while. January, you were still not on the baby train, which is fine. He was six months old. Um, and then six months later, we went on a trip right around the time he was a year old. We went to Savannah, Georgia, just the two of us. And that was a wonderful trip, by the way.

Chris: 7:25

Oh, Savannah.

Kayla: 7:28

And um we took a walk on the beach. Uh I don't even remember what that beach was called, but whatever beach is right outside of Savannah. And I basically went and was explaining to you all the reasons why having a fourth would be a great idea. Do you remember that?

Chris: 7:49

No, I don't. And I think part of the reason was it's it was one of those moments where I really didn't just I didn't want to be convinced one way or the other necessarily. I just um I was like, I'm just letting her talk. It's fine. You just keep talking and I'll listen and consider everything that you're saying, but it wasn't like this big banner like conversation.

Kayla: 8:16

We were just walking, yeah, yeah, and talking, and I remember most of my reasons were really valid, and some of them were kind of funny.

Chris: 8:25

You're very well thought out. Yes.

Kayla: 8:28

Yes, I am. So then shortly after that trip, we were having a state night.

Chris: 8:38

Oh, a good old-fashioned state.

Kayla: 8:40

A date at home after the kids. Yeah, where we stay in after the kids go to bed. A no babysitter date night where you still have to put your kids to bed. Um, but we order takeout on those nights, so we don't have to like cook or clean extra. And we were sitting on the back porch, and I don't remember if you brought it up or I brought it up, but we started talking about it again. And you were just telling me all of your concerns. And as you were telling me this, I remember this song that came on. I'm trying to I can't remember who it was. I want to say the worship leader's name was Kirby.

Chris: 9:18

I think Kirby Kaple. Kaple.

Kayla: 9:21

Okay. Um, but the song she was singing was It was a Bethel Jam. Was it?

Chris: 9:26

It had it would have had to have been if it was Kirby, yeah. Or Housefires. Yeah. It was Housefires. Right.

Kayla: 9:32

Okay. So sh I think it was called Oh man, I don't have time. I'm my brain's not working.

Chris: 9:39

I guess your research should have been done.

Kayla: 9:41

But I just remember the bridge came on and it said, Why do I worry? Why do I worry? Why do I worry? God knows what I need. And we turned up the volume and we just like listened to the song and just sort of like let really just kind of let the Holy Spirit wash over us in that moment. And we were just listening to the words of that song, felt like the Holy Spirit was talking to us in that moment. Cause you were you were just telling me all of your worries about having a fourth child. And so when that song was done playing, you just grabbed my hand and you just started praying. Do you remember this?

Chris: 10:22

I remember snippets of this evening.

Kayla: 10:25

Okay.

Chris: 10:26

You're so I'm so glad you remember the details, though. You have such an amazing brain for that.

Kayla: 10:30

Leave it up to me.

Chris: 10:31

I remember the general feeling of everything, not necessarily the specifics.

Kayla: 10:37

Well, you started praying for us, and basically at the end of that prayer, you you were like, okay, like let's do this. Which I wasn't expecting because in my mind, I still wanted to wait like another year. I just wanted to make sure you were on board with like the plan. But you were you you do you remember what you said to me?

Chris: 11:00

I do remember that part, yes.

Kayla: 11:03

Do you want to say that or do you want me to do that?

Chris: 11:05

Yeah, and Tru, if you're listening years and years from now, this is not reflective of how I feel now. Um but I said I'm not getting younger, any younger. I mean, well, I said I was concerned about my age and the fact that I'm starting to feel my body in ways that I haven't really felt it before. I was feeling a little bit older at this point. And granted, I was like, what, 34 or 35?

Kayla: 11:31

Um but uh I don't know, two and a half years ago.

Chris: 11:36

Yeah, and so I I basically I said something like it's it's now or never. And uh and I think that you weren't quite expecting that. No, and uh and I I was the I was partially adamant just because um I wanted to be good for my children as they were growing older. I want to be able to throw them around and uh and swing them for my arms and you know, all this stuff. And my dad, my dad was 39 when I was born. And um and I didn't necessarily want to be that dad or even that family that had, you know, a bunch of kids that were really little when the parents were turning 40, and and there's not anything wrong with that. Um, but for me, I just wanted to have my youth when I was, you know, trying to be an active father.

Kayla: 12:29

Now that's like the average age, though. Isn't that crazy? You know what I mean? Like when our parents were younger, people had kids younger, and now people are having kids later.

Chris: 12:39

Yeah.

Kayla: 12:40

So you said now or never, and I was expecting like we'd wait one more year, just with the spacing of all of our other kids. So this would have been like a year closer together than any of our other kids, and that sort of took me back. But when you said now or never, I was like, well, now, clearly. So um, I remember we we got pregnant the next month. Um, and I was do you do you remember that moment?

Chris: 13:12

We had five of those moments.

Kayla: 13:15

So we came home. We were both working at our church at the time. You still work there, but I don't work there anymore. But at the time we both were. So at our lunch break, we came home and I took the took the test at home during our lunch break. Oh wow, and it was positive. Yay!

Chris: 13:33

All your listeners think I'm this doofus, they can't remember a thing.

Kayla: 13:38

It's okay. I just remember the details. I'll I'll move along though.

Chris: 13:41

I'm very thankful that you remember them because they're really sp they're special moments. There are such special moments.

Kayla: 13:48

I typically also write down the birth story, you know, sometime in the year after they're born, and usually remember all of these things. Anyways, so we got pregnant, and this would have been a lot closer together than any of our other children because we had a one-year-old at the time. He had just turned one. So, and I know people do that all the time, but ours had been closer to three, um, three years apart, and these were gonna be more like just under two years apart. So pregnancy was typical. Sick as a dog, laying in the bed, throwing up all the time, miserable, nauseous, hyperemesis, just like everything was awful.

Chris: 14:35

Which the only thing I remember about you being alive during the first trimester was just how our room was dark, the curtains were closed, and you were just laying on your side and sleeping all the time, sleeping all the time and moaning, and I was getting you take out from wherever you needed it from.

Kayla: 14:56

Yes, that's pretty much how it goes, and it lasts for a while, like it doesn't end at the first trimester for me. It usually goes till about halfway through or slightly over halfway through. Um, so there was that. This time we had debated, debated not finding out the gender, then we decided we were gonna find out, but we were gonna find out all together and bring our kids to the uh ultrasound, which we had never done before. And of course, Brinkley, having two little brothers already, was really banking on a girl. And you and I both really felt like it was a girl. Like, you know, when you have the feelings, we both felt like it was a girl. So I remember being in that ultrasound room and she put the wand on my belly in the very first thing I saw was penis. And she remembered that and she immediately like pulled it off and moved it to the head and was like trying to, you know, keep the surprise. But I was like, I've seen two of those before, I know what that is. That's a penis. So in my mind, I'm already like it's not a girl. And and then knowing how disappointed Brinkley was about to be, and um it was it was it in hindsight, it was not a good idea to bring them all to the ultrasound. It was it was like an exciting together shared moment that Milo was really excited about to find out he was having another brother, but it was it was a little too emotionally charged, I would say.

Chris: 16:35

I think it's because if you're hoping for something and then it's not that you get disappointed, you know?

Kayla: 16:41

Yeah. Well, yeah.

Chris: 16:42

For the record, we love you, Tru. We're so glad that you were our fourth.

Kayla: 16:47

Of course, of course, we do. I think also I was so like, first of all, I was convinced it was a girl and it wasn't. Second of all, I I was like, this is our last baby. Like, I was very adamant, like, we will never do this again. I will never get pregnant again, just because the pregnancy is so hard on my body. And I was like, this is it. So I think in that moment, I was that night, I remember crying really hard and just grieving and crying so hard. I was throwing up, of course, and just grieving the fact that I would never have another daughter, that I would never have a girl. Um, because that was our last child, or so I thought. And I, you know, and I talked to some people about it and and you know, eventually got my feelings worked out, and eventually I was good and obviously was excited to have him and to name him and to hold him, you know, everything. But it there was that. I mean, that's a real thing that happens, just transparency that happens. Gender, gender, what would you call that? Hopefulness, hopefulness, desires, preferences. It's real, but it's okay. The Lord knows what we need, when we need it. So you just trusting in that after getting over like the raw emotion of it. Um, we did decide to name him Tru Solomon. I don't remember if we told the reasons behind our other kids' names. Do you? I don't remember.

Chris: 18:31

We'll find out.

Kayla: 18:32

We'll find out when we listen back. Um, his name came from a book that I read uh a couple years prior to that, and it was the name of the lead character in the book, it was Tru, and I loved it, and the character was awesome. I was like, oh, that's such a cool name. Like, I really like that. And and so did Chris. So it felt right, and it just means truth, you know, which is what we built our lives on the truth of Christ.

Chris: 19:03

Yeah, in the hopes that he would pursue it himself.

Kayla: 19:06

Yeah. And then you came up with Solomon, yeah, Solomon.

Chris: 19:10

And I remember it's kind of funny. Uh I I saw um, I've always been a fan of architecture. And one of my my favorite architect, uh, you know, call me bandwagon if you know architecture, but uh, I love Frank Lloyd Wright. And he um one of his uh uh most famous works is the Guggenheim Museum, which was uh named in honor of Solomon R. Guggenheim. And it was on a puzzle that I have, and I saw the puzzle, um, and I thought to myself, this was, I mean, years before, I thought that would be a cool middle name for a boy, considering what it means and who Solomon was and how wise he was, and um And also that's your favorite book of the Bible, right? Proverbs, yeah.

Kayla: 20:00

Ecclesiastes, yeah. So T Solomon.

Chris: 20:04

Tru Solomon.

Kayla: 20:05

There. His name was born. Okay, so pregnancy keeps going. I in this pregnancy, I think part of this was because I had them so close together, and part of it was just me having a fourth baby and just getting older. And um, I had really bad SPD. Which is symphysis, pubis dysfunction or disorder, depending on who you ask.

Chris: 20:30

I honestly I like the way that sounds. Symphysis. Pubis sounds a little weird. But symphysis sounds nice.

Kayla: 20:39

Um so, anyways, I was having a hard time walking, like just moving from place to place, getting in and out of cars, getting in and out of the bathroom, getting in like in and out of anywhere. It was just really uncomfortable. And um, so I wasn't able to stay as active at the end, which was disappointing. Um, but lessons learned. My body just starts to break after a while. So, okay, fast forward to 39 weeks, and I have my midwife check me. Now I know checks mean nothing. I teach that all the time that checks don't mean anything, but I was curious because I'd been having contractions and I just wanted to know. Well, I was about four centimeters, or like, I think like three, and she stretched me to a four or something. And I was like, okay, this is about usually where I am um before I go into labor. So this is great. Well, turns out his head, because my uterus was so far stretched out, my belly gets very large when I have babies. Um, his head I think it's beautiful. Well, thank you. His head was laying in front of my cervix instead of on top of my cervix. So it wasn't really giving it any pressure, like direct pressure.

Chris: 22:08

But you we didn't know this at the 30 39-week appointment, did we?

Kayla: 22:12

Uh did we? Maybe not. Maybe I learned that later on. I think I learned that later on. So um, because he did not come at 39 weeks and he did not come at 40 weeks, I actually had a little bit of a emotional breakdown um right around 40 weeks. It's the day before my due date, and I was just like emotionally losing it. I really thought I was gonna have him by then, and just based on all the signs my body was telling me, and um, and he still wasn't there, and so I drove to the beach for the day by myself. Do you remember that?

Chris: 22:53

I certainly remember that. Okay. Yeah. I remember being somewhat concerned, but because I didn't want you to be far away from home if you went into labor. But also you assured me that you were very confident that it was not time. And so I just trusted you. Yeah. That it was gonna be fine. Because I didn't want to have to drive to, you know, uh the coast if it was four at four hours from where we are.

Kayla: 23:20

And I only went like three, I went to Carolina Beach. So I went like three, a little over three hours. Um anyways, I mean, I was just in my sweats, like in my sweats, one of your big baggy t-shirts, took a chair, took some books, took my Bible, my phone, worship music, and just had some time. I don't know, I feel like the beach is just a place that just relaxes me, like totally peaceful and relaxed at the beach. And it was April, so it wasn't like super hot or anything. It was like really good temperature. I think it was like 70 degrees. That was lovely. And I just needed that. I needed to like go and like work out all the emotions I was having and just come back refreshed and relaxed and ready to continue the pregnancy. So now it's like what another week goes by and I'm still pregnant, um, a couple more days. And I was at work and I was sitting on my ball, and I remember I was talking to somebody in my office, and I just remember, oh, yep, here are my contractions again. Like, I because I had been having contractions for weeks, but um, it was like here they are again, here they are, this is them, and they were coming pretty consistently. Um, not anything like I was walking through them, talking through them, like they weren't, it was definitely like early labor contractions, nothing too serious. But around lunchtime, um they kind of shifted and started getting a little more crampy. And I was like, you know what? This may be it, this may not be it, but if this is it, I'm gonna wish that I was at home and not at work. So I went and asked my boss, hey, can I go home? Things may be starting. I think this, you know, this could be it. And so she was like, Yes, obviously, of course. So I went home, did some more work from home. Eventually I laid down and took a nap because my body was just like, that's what it needed to do. And so I lay down, and when I woke up from the nap, they were gone. And I was like, oh, there it goes again. Like, false alarm, you know, just typical. But that night, um, I was in the bath, which had become my nightly routine. Um, so I was in the bath, I was reading a book, and you came in around, I don't know, like nine, 8:30 or 9 or something. And you said, hey, you haven't had any dinner, like what do you want to eat? And I knew we had a Donato's frozen pizza.

Chris: 26:14

Oh, classic.

Kayla: 26:15

Which they I don't even think they have those down here anymore. But um, that's a pizza place from back home in Ohio. Sorry, from back in back from where we met. Our hometown. Our hometown. Yeah. Um, Columbus, Ohio. So I had you pop one of those in the oven. And I just kept reading my book. Well, then you came back, oh, I don't know, 30 minutes later or something. And I remember you brought the plate to me. And like I was still sitting in the bath reading, and you you like offered it to me. And I just remember like breathing really deeply and holding my hand up and like shaking my head and being like, Nope. Nope.

Chris: 27:01

And this is when we knew.

Kayla: 27:03

This is when we knew that I was in fact in labor. So my contractions started back up again when I was in the tub. And I thought, oh, that's weird, because I'm like all tilted backwards and um relaxing. And usually, you know, if you're in early labor, that can slow things down. But nope, picked it up for me. Um, so I stayed in the tub as long as I could and kept reading my book as long as it would distract me, which was for a little while, a few chapters. And then I um alerted the team and just kind of text everyone and said, Hey, uh, I'm having some contractions. I think this could be it. Everyone just stay on alert and I'll text you like when I'm ready for you to come over. And there, I think Louisa and my mom, I think both thought I was not serious. I think my mom, someone just had taken melatonin, someone else had just like gotten ready for bed, and I was like, well, I'll let you know. And then I got out of the bath, and that's when my body started to purge itself, which it did in Brinkley's labor, where I just had to go to the bathroom like every couple minutes, and my body just kept emptying and emptying and emptying, and I was like, Oh, this is definitely labor. Like, this is definitely it. The contractions were getting more intense, they were getting closer together, they were shifting, and I was like moving right along into active labor. So I texted the team back. I think it was only like 20 minutes later, and I said, Okay, this is actually it. Y'all can come over because they were all like 45 minutes away, or some of them were like closer to an hour away. So um, I just wanted to give them ample time because I didn't know how fast it was gonna go because the last one was only two hours. So I wanted to to give everyone time. Meanwhile, you were setting up the room, you were getting towels and getting you brought the sound bar in so we could listen to worship music.

Chris: 29:10

I was making a worship playlist because I didn't know you had one on call.

Kayla: 29:13

Oh, of course I have one. On deck, of course I have one ready to go, and I already have one this time, just so you know. Um, so then I just remember I was sitting on my ball and I had my heating pad on, tucked right where I was having the contractions, and I felt great. Like I had had this whole um phobia or fear this time around, and I have no idea where it came from, other than just like that pregnancy was just more of an anxious pregnancy for me with everything going on in our world. Um this was because it was fall or summer of 2020 into spring of 2021. So I'd been, I think, a lot more emotional just in this pregnancy. But leading up to giving birth, every time my contractions would start at night, I would get really nervous and I would be like, I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this at night. For some reason, I just had a fear of going into labor at night, and I have no idea where that came from, other than the enemy. Like, I don't know. And I would like wish them away and be like, no, no, no, no, I don't want to have labor, like, I don't want to have a baby tonight. And then the next morning, I would wake up and be like, okay, I'm ready to have a baby now. Like I just wanted a daytime birth. But I don't know, but it it wasn't like this desire to have a daytime birth. It was just this fear of having a nighttime birth. And I don't know what that was about. But lo and behold, I went to Libra at night. And once it was really the real thing and I knew it was it, I had a supernatural piece. I was totally great and totally in the zone, and everything was fine, honestly. Um, people started getting there, and I think Louisa was the first person to come in. She's my friend and acting doula. She didn't get to make it to Jentzen's birth, but she made it to this one. And um, and we were just chatting in between contractions, like, and I thought, wow, I'm doing pretty good. Um, and it was, I was breathing, I wasn't even vocalizing anything yet. I was just focusing on breathing, focusing on the worship music that was playing and just the lyrics, and it was just it was really good. It was a really smooth time.

Chris: 31:42

Yeah, I would say that you were very much in control of your body and your mind throughout um honestly, the whole experience, you were very much in control. And I think some of that, of course, had to do with the fact that we were this was our first experience at home, doing a home birth.

Kayla: 32:03

Oh, did I not mention that? No, wow, wow, and and so we um we're doing a home birth, by the way, for the fourth one.

Chris: 32:12

Yeah, so I mean, the first one being a hospital birth, the second two being uh birth center birth, we're traveling to go have this baby.

Kayla: 32:23

Right.

Chris: 32:24

But the fact that you got to just experience the onset of uh early early labor into active labor and in the comfort of our own home, surrounded by people that you know. That was just um that was very different to see you go through that experience, and there was a there was a calmness and a peace to your countenance through all that, and it was uh I mean for me it was comforting because as the husband, one of my main concerns is the well-being of my spouse, you know? And so being able to see you in that state of mind was reassuring for me that this was gonna be uh this is gonna be a wonderful labor and delivery.

Kayla: 33:16

Yeah. I'm I think I'm like so used to telling this story, and I think so many people know that Tru was born at home that I forgot to mention that. Um we uh we st we did we had our first appointment at the birth center and then told them, I said, you know what, I think I'm gonna do a home birth this time. And they were so supportive. They're like, that's great. Like, do you know what midwife? Do you need suggestions? Like, they were so supportive. And um, so I found my midwife in November. Um, and all the appointments were at my house, which was incredible. I could just sit on my couch, every like it was awesome. It was so relaxed, and our appointments were like an hour long, and really just getting to know each other. And obviously, she was like checking on me and the baby and stuff, but really just a chance for us to form a relationship, knowing that she was gonna be the person there that night, like delivering my baby. It wasn't gonna be whoever it was on call, it was like she was on call, like she was gonna be the one there. Um, so anyways, yes. So home birth. It had and I also was convinced this was my last baby. And so I was like, we are doing this, we're doing home birth because this is my last one. I'm not gonna have any more kids. So it's again, now or never to take a word from your book. Um, so okay, so back in labor. So my midwife gets there and she's like, Do you want me to check you? And I was like, um, I don't really know because she was kind of like, Well, I kind of want to see like whether or not to set up the tub. Like, there's kind of no like how far it was. Well, I was a six, so they were like, Yeah, you can like we'll go ahead and we've got time to set it up. And so she ushered me into the bathroom to labor on the toilet, of course. Um, but it's nice because at home the toilets have, you know, like the back of them, which at the hospital and I can't remember what they're like at the birth center, but they don't have the back. So I was able to sit backwards on it, put pillows over it, lean over it. She had one of my legs propped up on a stool to help like that side of my cervix dilate faster. And um, and you and Louisa just came in and the lights were dim, and we put the music in there, and you guys were just giving me counterpressure, and it was really, really nice, like so peaceful. And I was not like in pain, I wasn't upset, I wasn't like it was just a very in almost like enjoyable time. I mean, it well, not almost enjoyable, it was enjoyable.

Chris: 36:00

And I think part of that was honestly um just because you were surrounded by people that you knew and loved and trusted. And then the other piece of it was that um you were able to set up your own environment and you had really thought it through how you wanted to be able to to labor at home. And um, and it was just coming true. It was it was awesome.

Kayla: 36:23

Yeah. And there were no like so there were no strangers there, there were no people in and out, nobody was asking 100 questions, no one was like, it was just so I mean, it was my birth in labor, and it was, I mean, ours, yes, but I don't know. It was just so oh home birth is addicting. I'll just say that. Um maybe that's why we're having another one. Um, so anyways, I thought we were only in the bathroom for like half hour, 45 minutes. I think we were actually in there for like an hour and a half. And so she comes back in and she's like, Hey, can we uh let's change positions? I'm like, yeah, that's probably a good idea. I guess I've been in here a while. Well, my leg had fallen completely asleep, like 100% asleep from being propped up on that stool. I had no feeling in it at all. And I remember looking at you guys and I was like, you guys are gonna have to drag me out of here. Like I cannot walk because I can't, it felt like I had an epidural in one of my legs. Like I could not move it. It was so heavy and had like, it was completely numb. And I just remember you guys dragging me out of the bathroom and um and putting me, I wanted to go back on the ball. So that's where I went. Back on the ball, back with my heating pad. Um, actually, I think the heating pad traveled with me into the bathroom and then back with me to the ball. Um, and that's when I really feel like transition started, is when we came out of the bathroom and I moved um back to the ball. I feel like I made a lot of progress on the toilet. Very efficient place to labor.

Chris: 38:06

Um why don't you uh tell your listeners why?

Kayla: 38:09

Why? Because when you are on the toilet, your body is trained to naturally open and release, which is what you have to do in order to dilate. And so when contractions feel stronger on the toilet, it's because they are and they're more efficient and it helps you dilate and progress faster, and which is ideally what a lot of people want when they're in labor is to move it along. Um, but yeah, so we came back out. When did you make lattes? When was that?

Chris: 38:45

I do not no, I have no idea.

Kayla: 38:48

I just remember you doing it though. Maybe that was before I ever went in the bathroom. I just remember you were like, Do you would you like a latte? Would you like a latte? And you were like going into the kitchen, making people lattes while I was in labor.

Chris: 38:59

My guess is that it was before we went into the bathroom and you were on the toilet because I wouldn't have done that right when I was at that point in labor.

Kayla: 39:10

Yeah, so it had to be before the bathroom. Okay.

Chris: 39:12

Yeah.

Kayla: 39:13

Yes. So um, yes, that's what lattes.

Chris: 39:17

Everybody's gotta stay awake for this thing going into the middle of the night. Yeah.

Kayla: 39:20

You were playing, you were playing a very good host. Um, this time I'm gonna keep you closer.

Chris: 39:27

I've learned my lesson.

Kayla: 39:28

Yes, no more lattes this time. We'll make them after the baby's born.

Chris: 39:32

So and the midwives uh got to eat the pizza that I made for you.

Kayla: 39:37

Yeah, right, because I wasn't really interested in that. So I come back out, birthing on the ball, and that's when I started to vocalize. I knew, like at that point, I was like, okay, like this is I knew I was kind of going into transition. Um, but even even then, even going into transition, which this was unlike any of my other labors. Even in transition, I had the feeling of like I could keep doing this. Like I could do this for several more hours. Like I could do this because it wasn't painful and I wasn't scared. And I wasn't, you know, there was no tension. It was just like Louisa was singing over me. You guys were, I don't remember if you were singing. We just had the worship music up pretty loud because I wanted it loud because I wanted to focus on the lyrics and like actually worshiping. Um, and uh you guys were giving me counterpressure, like it was just, it was just such a Jesus-centered, peace-filled environment and cozy, comfortable. So shortly after that, I stood up and was like leaning over the bed rather than sitting on the ball. And the midwife and her assistants were great because they saw it coming. My water broke in that moment, and they had already gotten everything out and ready underneath of me. So there was nothing got on our carpet or anything like that. It all got on like these pads and stuff they had put under me. And I was like, How did you know that was gonna happen? But they just knew they have a sense about that stuff. So, and of course, once my water broke, I like immediately felt the urge to push. And which was my prayer. I prayed because with Jentzen's, when I had no water for the whole contraction or the whole contraction, the whole labor, it was so intense the whole time. But with this one, I was like, I want that cushion. I want my water bags to stay intact until I'm pushing because I I want that cushion there. And I did. It was awesome. Hooray!

Chris: 41:51

Yeah.

Kayla: 41:52

So I remember I started pushing, but not like really pushing. It was like fetal ejection reflex pushing, like my body just started pushing. And you could tell during my contraction, my body was just like, oh, it's time. Like the baby is coming. And I remember in that moment, you all looked at me and you're like, Okay, you ready to get in the tub? Because I had sworn up and down I wanted a water birth because I hadn't gotten one with Milo and I hadn't gotten one with Jentzen. And I remember looking at the tub and then looking at our bed, and I was like, I'm getting in the bed. So they they blew up the tub, they had put the liner in, you guys dealt with hose issues and filled it all the way up, and I didn't even touch it. Like my hand didn't even brush the surface of it, and my toe never even dipped in the water. So I'm still sorry about that.

Chris: 42:44

Hey, that's not, I mean, that's your decision. It was there just in case.

Kayla: 42:49

It was there, but I never even like I didn't even labor in it, like nothing. So I get on the bed and I just start pushing, and I can tell just from having pushed out Brinkley, Milo, and Jentzen, I can tell that this is another big boy, and that this is going to take a lot of effort to get him out. And so at that point, I was not like letting my body just do the work. I was definitely also pushing along with my body. Because I remember sometimes the midwife was like, take a break, take a breather, like relax. And I was like, Nope, I'm gonna keep doing this. Like, and I just kept pushing. And in hindsight, it only took, I think, about 20 minutes to push him out. It just felt like a very long 20 minutes because he was so big. And I felt like I was pushing most of that time and not really breaking in between. But he was another big boy, and I just remember having to push out every inch of him. I remember when his head came out and you guys were like, oh, his head's out. Like, and then I kept pushing for the shoulders, and then I kept pushing for the chest, and then I kept pushing for his butt. And then it wasn't until after his butt was out that finally like his legs just kind of slipped out. But I remember looking at you and Louisa and being like, is he out? Is he born? Because I had had to push so much that I was like, Are you sure? Are you sure he's out? And Louisa was like, Yes, Kayla, he is out, he is born. I was like, Okay, cool. Um, and then you know, obviously I saw him and and they put him on my chest. So clearly he was born.

Chris: 44:37

That whole interaction wasn't as casual as you just made it sound.

Kayla: 44:41

I don't know. I looking back on the video, it's like you can hear me being like, is he out? Like, is like I don't know. I just, you know, you're in a you're in a zone and you're like you have a mission. When Brinkley got to be there, my mom was there in case um any kids woke up and just to be there, but um, so she was on door duty just in case any kids woke up in the middle of the night. But I told her when I started pushing, I said, okay, go get Brinkley because Brinkley wanted to watch. And she did great. Uh, we had thoroughly prepped and prepared her. Um, we watched episodes of Call the Midwife together, ones that I had pre-screened um and approved for her to watch. We watched Jentzen's birth video together on mute. Um, but I screamed so much during Jentzen's delivery that I was bound and determined not to make a sound this time, and I didn't when I was pushing. I was like a silent pusher.

Chris: 45:42

You were. You were, I could tell that you almost like all of your energy was just focused on pushing.

Kayla: 45:49

It was.

Chris: 45:50

And it wasn't like be none, none of your energy was being wasted.

Kayla: 45:54

Nope. He was a big boy. I had to get him out. Speaking of big boy, he was 10 pounds 11 ounces.

Chris: 46:01

Yeah, one ounce shy of Milo, who was 10 pounds 12 ounces.

Kayla: 46:05

Right. So he was just another big, big boy. But um, it was just it was so it was just so nice. Like I was already in my bed. So like I didn't have anywhere to go. And I didn't have to move. I didn't have to move at all. Like, you know, until I went to the bathroom for the first time, but like I didn't have to move. They cleaned me up and cleaned up the bedding and put on my put on my diaper for me and like just let me lay there. And um we got to nurse right away and you know, just tons of skin to skin time completely uninterrupted. I mean, no one was touching him, like it was just he was just on me, and everyone got to take pictures and we got to I don't know, it was just like it felt like a party at that point. Like I was relaxed and I was at peace, but it was just like a celebration. Like, and there wasn't like any like I's to dot or T's to cross. Like we just were there, like it's it was done, it was over, and we were just enjoying everything. And the midwives cleaned everything up like better than it looked before they got there.

Chris: 47:19

Bless them, bless them, bless them.

Kayla: 47:22

And um one by one, people started to leave. Um, that was the first time I had a birth photographer there. Um and so we did get better pictures than we've ever gotten before of um our birth, which was awesome. Um, but one by one people started to leave and um and then it was just us. And I remember it was like five o'clock. Okay, so he was let's let's timetable that. I I would say active labor started around 9 30 in the evening, and he was born at 1 28 a.m. So about four hours and from start to finish, which was incredible and quite the perfect length for a labor, in my opinion, and not too short, not too long. It was lovely, although it could have gone on a few more hours, that would have been fine. Um, but it was awesome. And I remember Brinkley mom finally put Brinkley to bed at like five o'clock in the morning, and she woke up at seven because she was so excited that her baby brother was born. Um, but I remember it was like five o'clock in the morning, everyone was gone, and mom was on the couch, and you know, kids were in bed, everyone else had left, and you were sleeping next to me, and Tru was sleeping on me, and I just remember not being able to sleep. I was like, how could I sleep at a time like this? Like, I was just so excited and on that like euphoric birth high that I was just like, I just stared at him for hours.

Chris: 48:59

Yeah, you were on cloud nine.

Kayla: 49:00

I was, and he was just sound asleep. He had already nursed a few times, and he just he was on my chest and he just he was just conked out and you were conked out, and I was like, I should be sleeping, but I'm so excited that I can't sleep. Like I just watched him, just looked at him for hours until until all of the kids woke up and they came in to meet him. And then I feel like after that I started getting a little tired, but but it was just it was bliss.

Chris: 49:34

It was wonderful, you know, just from my perspective to, you know, just being able to that peace was that you talked about that you had throughout the whole process, and even afterwards, it was just uh it was everywhere, it wasn't just with you, it was it was everywhere, and it was uh it was just really special. Um, not just because it was a home birth, but just because we felt that there was just there was not worry, there wasn't question, it was just happen happening naturally and organically, and uh it's almost like we were just riding a wave instead of having to say, okay, now do this. It wasn't like another like here's the next step, here's the next step. Everything just kind of happened in tandem and it was wonderful.

Kayla: 50:20

And in postpartum, like not having to get in a car and go anywhere, because that was the other thing with the with the hospital, you don't even get like I mean, like you have the initial postpartum while you're there at the hospital, but it's like you're interrupted every hour or 30 minutes the entire time you're there, and it's just like you get no rest at all. But then at the birth center, it's like you have to drive home, which most people don't live right next to the birth center, so it's like an hour or more, and then you have to drive back like the next day or two days later, and and then you have to get back in the car and do and it's just like when you're trying to heal and you're trying to just rest, it's just a lot of moving around. And so it was so nice just to like stay in bed. And my midwife came back to me and she came back to my house and did all my postpartums at my house, and not just like one at six weeks, but like she came back a couple days later, then she came back like a week later or two weeks later, or like it was just like she visited me throughout that whole period and not just at the end of it, which was just really really nice. And you felt really like cared for and you know, paid attention to and everything. So it was it was just such a a night and day experience um from anything else. And I cannot, and I hear this from like I would say like 99% of people who have a home birth. It's like once you do it, you can't imagine doing it any other way. Like you can't imagine doing it anywhere else. Anything else to say, babe?

Chris: 52:03

I concur.

Kayla: 52:05

You concur. Well, that is Tru's birth story. Uh, baby number four. So until next time, we will jump on and share this baby's birth story whenever he or she is born, because it's a surprise, we don't know the gender. Um, yeah, which will hopefully be here. Let's see. Right now, as we're recording this, it's like mid-August. So hopefully in the next two months, we'll have we'll have this little one on the outside.

Chris: 52:35

Hooray! Hooray! It's so exciting.

Kayla: 52:38

So exciting. Thanks again for joining us today. Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting subscribe. Also, we'd love for you to leave a review of the show so that more people like you can hear more stories like these. If you're local to the Triad of North Carolina and seeking childbirth classes, birth consultations, or a birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to our website for more information. Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice, so please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise. Also, if you would like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, please click the link in the episode show notes to get in touch with me. We hope you have a great week. And remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.