Surrendered Birth Stories: Your Christian Birth Story Podcast

054: ONE YEAR EPISODE: The 1st Year of Parenthood (with Christopher Heeter)

Season 2

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0:00 | 1:02:26

Join us as we celebrate our one-year anniversary of this podcast! Today, we walk through the first year of parenthood. The ups and downs, the tips and tricks, and the emotions of it all. Come and hear my husband and I as we remember the first year, now that we’ve been through it five times. We hope you gain some type of nugget of wisdom from this episode, and that you’ll join us for another great birth story again next week!

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WINNER OF OUR GIVEAWAY!
 (Hint-listen to episode to find out!)

As mentioned in this episode:
Nose Frida (mucus sucker/nasal aspirator)
EverJump Inflatables (My husband's inflatable bounce house rental business in the Triad of NC!)

Want to rent an inflatable bounce house or slide in the Triad of NC for your baby's first birthday? Click Here!

00:00 Introduction

03:29 Announcing the Giveaway Winner

04:47 Upcoming Episodes Sneak Peek

05:42 Reflecting on the First Year of Parenthood

11:36 Breaking Down the First Year in Increments

11:43 The Fog of the First Three Months

13:23 Adjusting to Life with a Newborn

19:12 Milestones and Parental Concerns

23:43 The Importance of Sleep for Babies

30:26 First Time Baby Sickness

31:39 First Time Sickness and Parenting Challenges

33:01 Handling Baby Sickness: Tips and Tricks

35:18 Dealing with Ear Infections and Remedies

38:00 Managing Baby Fussiness and Teething

43:14 Breastfeeding and Menstrual Cycle Insights

46:00 Celebrating Your Baby's First Birthday

55:23 Balancing Marriage and Parenting

01:00:10 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Kayla

I did not know any better. And my pediatrician told me that I should stop breastfeeding and put her on cow's milk because it was time because she was a year old. Well, that was terrible advice. Um, and I didn't know any better, like I said, so I stopped nursing her and tried to put her on cow's milk. First of all, she had a reaction to the milk, so there you go. But second of all, she got sick for the first time. Hi, I'm Kayla Heeter, follower of Jesus, wife and mother of five children, Christian childbirth educator in doula, and your host of the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, where we share God-centered birth stories, evidence-based birth education, and our pursuit of surrendering our birth plans to God. Let's get started. You guys, it's here! It's here! Yay for one year. It is officially midnight, so I can officially say that. Happy one year anniversary to our podcast. What a milestone! That is crazy to think about. It's I I don't know. If you've been with us here from the beginning, can you believe it has already been a year? Wild. And if you are just joining us, I'm looking forward to another year. Season two starts today. So, with that, I did a little update to our intro and outro. So that's fun. Don't forget also that we started adding outtakes at the end of the episodes a few weeks ago. My husband said he can't commit to putting one every single time because there's not always an outtake to put in. Because some people are just so wonderfully perfect, I guess. But whenever there is an outtake, he is going to put it at the end. So always make sure you listen to the very end of the episode because sometimes they're really funny. And here we go. Season two starts today. But we need more birth stories. I've had people say, Oh, you probably have so many stories you'd never want to hear mine. That's not true. We want to hear your birth story. Either yours or if you don't have a birth story to share, somebody you know. And they don't even have to be recent. You didn't have to just have a baby in order to share your story. I've had a couple people on this podcast who birthed many, many years ago, if not decades ago. Okay, so that is not a requirement. They just have to be God-centered. I want to know where God was involved in your birth story. Honestly, we can learn things from any birth story at any point in time. Okay, God can teach us things through anyone's story. So there's a form in the show notes. Now it's at the bottom of every episode. All you have to do is click on that link. It'll take you to a form to fill out some general information so we can get an idea of what your story is. It comes straight to me and then I will be in touch with you. So if you want to share your story, I would love to hear it. However many babies you've had, or if it's somebody else you know that you think would be a great fit for this podcast, and you think their story would just speak to other women and other families out there, please send them that form. We would love to have them on. Okay, now the moment you've all been waiting for, because I know you've been waiting for it. And I'm surprised I'm not yawning more through this because it is midnight. Um, I had to wait and make sure everyone got their last entries in. But if you didn't know, we've been doing a giveaway. It's been going on all week to celebrate our one-year anniversary, and the winner is Alison Lewis. So, Allison Lewis, I don't know you personally, but I'm so glad that somebody tagged you or you found this giveaway somehow. Congratulations, Allison! Yay! That's so exciting! Allison's the winner of our giveaway. So she gets this amazing dress and this beautiful Bible and this amazing candle. It's way more than a candle. You should look up the post. Um, and the Amazon gift card and that amazing bag of coffee. So, yay for Allison. I will send you a message and we can get that info so you can get your prizes sent to you. A-S-A-P. Yay, Allison. Thank you for everyone who entered. I'm so grateful. This was so fun just to do this for our one year, and it makes me look forward to doing more giveaways in the future. It's really cool. All right, I wanted to give you a little snapshot of next week's episode. Coming up next week, we're gonna dive into our very first wild pregnancy and free birth story that we've ever had on this podcast. Um, and if you don't know, a wild pregnancy andor free birth basically means that you are your sole care provider for your pregnancy and your birth. So you don't hire an outside care provider for a midwife or anything like that, um, but you are in charge of yourself. Now, some people do it differently, but and a lot of people have varying opinions on free birth, and I get that. Just like everything in motherhood, I pray you can just listen and hear what the Holy Spirit is telling you to do through somebody else's story. I know you'll love her story, but that's next week. Let's talk about this week's episode. Um, get ready to listen to my favorite guest, my husband. My husband and I talk about the very first year of parenthood. So baby's first year. I hope y'all love it. We had fun recording it. It's a blast. Here we are. It's our one year anniversary episode, and I wouldn't want to record it with anybody other than you.

Chris

I'm starting to feel like a natural regular.

Kayla

You are. You are a regular. Well, you are the most important, in my opinion, the most important person in getting this podcast out because you do all the editing, you do all of the back-end organizing, all the producing, all the sound quality, all of the... You name the episodes. If you didn't know that, Chris names every episode. He's the one who gives it the title. Um, because he's way more creative than I am.

Chris

Well, I it's kind of where I live. I like to live behind the scenes. Yes. Um, I I also love details, as you know.

Kayla

So you do. You love the details. And I only like details when I'm telling a story. But if I'm not telling a story, I could care less about the details.

Chris

Well, what's really weird to think about is that we uh we launched when we launched this podcast a year ago. I think we were uh it was really strange waiting for the first, you know, because we launched three at once on launch day, on Labor Day, right?

Kayla

Labor Day.

Chris

Yeah, and that was kind of strategic to launch a podcast about uh birth stories on Labor Day. Labor Day.

Kayla

Even though the real Labor Day has nothing to do with laboring in birth, but still it was a play on words, and you love a play on words, yeah.

Chris

But I remember what it was like just kind of like waiting for them to drop and then to see them up on the like Apple Podcasts and Spotify. It was so surreal. It was like, oh my gosh, like we're doing this. This is crazy.

Kayla

We are putting it out there.

Chris

Yeah, that's it. And here we are, a year later. It's really a year later.

Kayla

And this time last year I was pregnant and I'm not pregnant anymore.

Chris

Oh, that's true. You had Indy in the Belly. Yep.

Kayla

Indy in the belly. So I did a poll on Instagram to ask what we should do our one-year episode about. And the choices were a really awesome birth story, which we have most weeks, and then a QA episode, which we did for our six-month where we asked questions and answered them, which I was so tired for that episode. If we, if and when we record a QA episode in the future, I will be having a lot more coffee and we will do it during the day instead of at 11 o'clock at night.

Chris

But I had to edit that one a lot mainly because I couldn't, my brain wasn't working. So I had to pause for like 30 seconds at a time to get my We've learned.

Kayla

We're just we shouldn't record at 11 o'clock at night.

Chris

So we're recording this at, you know, 10:30 in the morning.

Kayla

Right. Okay, so we did um birth story or a QA episode or the first year of parenthood, and then my last option was just other, and then you needed to message me and tell me what you wanted. Well, 100% of people voted to talk about the first year of parenthood. 100%.

Chris

And here we are.

Kayla

I was shocked. I was like, wow, not even a variety, just everybody wanted um the first year of parenthood. So that's what we're gonna talk about.

Chris

Let's do it. I'm I'm excited because the first year of parenthood is, you know, it's crucial.

Kayla

Crucial. It's the best though. It and honestly, so we've done it five times, gone through the first year of parenthood. And actually, we're at the tail end of our fifth time. He'll be he'll be one in October. But to me, it's the fastest year. It goes by so fast, and it goes by much faster than the pregnancy, in my humble opinion. I agree with that because your babies change so rapidly. It's like from week to week and from month to month, there is just so much growth and change. And if you do those um monthly pictures, which we've done for all of our kids, where we set them up next to the same stuffed animal, like in the same chair every month, and we're like, oh, one month, two months, three months, four months, like you know, do that. It's amazing how much they change from month to month. It's incredible.

Chris

Yeah, it's also fun to see the time lapse.

Kayla

Yes, yes, and then we use those pictures at their at their first birthday party, which is fun. So that first year for us, in our experience, it takes us about a year from when our baby is born to feel like we are sort of back to normal or in a solid routine and rhythm. Because for us, our babies don't usually sleep through the night until about a year old or sometimes after. And I feel like that has a lot to do with it too.

Chris

Right.

Kayla

But in that whole first year, it's like they're going through so many stages and phases that they're changing so much and your routines have to change so much that I feel like until they hit like a year old and they kind of like slow down a little bit in their and their development and stuff, that it it takes about a year before you and I personally feel like, okay, this is us. This is good, this is good, this is our family, and this is how life is operating now.

Chris

Well, I uh I know that we're speaking from like our own personal experience and it could be different for other people and other families, but I say absolutely that first year, but even more so, I notice after about the three-month period, you start to like experience a little bit of uh a lift from all the, you know, the the changing and the shifting around of having another person in the house that needs to be taken care of. And usually once we hit the first, you know, once the first three months are over, I can it's almost like I can breathe a little bit, a little bit deeper. And um, that's something that I've noticed. Yeah.

Kayla

Let's break it down. So for us, I feel like the easiest way to break it down is in three-month increments. So those first three months, we so sweetly like to refer to it as the fog.

Chris

Oh, yeah.

Kayla

Because you feel like you're in a fog, a fog of sweet preciousness, but a fog nonetheless. Because you're not sleeping great and you are not thinking the best because you're not sleeping, and it just feels like everything is kind of foggy, but it's like a sweet fog. It's a precious and fleeting fog.

Chris

Yeah.

Kayla

How many times can I say fog in one episode?

Chris

Well, you keep saying it and you'll, you know, break the record.

Kayla

Um, but you know, it's just it's just that time where everybody is adjusting. So everyone's adjusting to new life. It is not a six-week period like I feel like our culture likes to think it is. It's definitely like those first three months. Everyone's figuring out what does this look like now? How are we gonna get from our day-to-days? You know, who's responsible for what and who eats when. And it's just it's an adjustment, but it is so sweet because they're just so precious and new and they smell amazing, the top of their heads. And and you know, you're usually figuring out like breastfeeding and and figuring out like sometimes if you're having like engorgement issues or or mastitis or things, and it's like you're working through all these things, you're healing postpartum, like you're recovering down below. So there's a lot going on, but they are just so sweet. I don't know. There's nothing like a newborn, there's just really nothing like a newborn.

Chris

That's absolutely true. And one, I think a different way to say it in a way that really makes sense to me is that whenever you have a baby, your routine is just kind of thrown out of whack, you know, uh, because you have a lot of new variables that are put into your life. And so because you have all these new variables, you have to make adjustments, and they're not really small adjustments. A lot of them are pretty significant adjustments and you have to reshift, you know, the way that your life looks, and um, which can be really difficult. Each baby has their own temperament and personality and their own, you know, specific needs. And so um, it's just really interesting trying to figure out what does what does normal look like for us and trying to like work towards that because you almost have to ask yourself those questions like every day in order to get to a place where you especially for people who really love like a really solid routine, you know?

Kayla

Yeah, little babies don't do routines very well. No, like the new the newborns, they're not any kind of they're not on any kind of schedule when they come out. Um and so they they'll throw yours off. But it's funny because in that time in the newborn first three months, it's like your breakfast, you eat it at lunch, and your lunch, you eat it around dinner, and your dinner, you eat it around midnight. Like it just everything kind of shifts. But I have the sweetest memories from like those late nights, like you and I watching some like fixer up or show and eating a pizza, like ordering a pizza at like 11 o'clock at night just because we're talking about a first baby, we we definitely stayed up and watched Lost. Oh, it was watched. Yes, with Brinkley, we did. We stayed up and watched Lost. I discovered it during her first growth spurt with breastfeeding. It's like people had told me about it, but I'd never watched it. And when when I discovered she was having her first growth spurt, which the first year is full of a lot of growth spurts, um, and she just wouldn't stop eating. And I was basically secluded to the couch all day. And there was a snowstorm, so like no one was going anywhere or doing anything. We turned on lost, and I was like, okay, I'll give it like three episodes, we'll see what happens. And then 11 episodes later, we went to bed.

Chris

Well, also leave it up to a really good snowstorm to keep you in indoors.

Kayla

Yeah, we just had like a fire going all day. No one was going to work or anything because there was nine inches of snow on the ground, and she nursed for two out of every three hours that day, and then she'd be fine for like 15 minutes, and then you would spend like 45 minutes trying to make her not cry, and then we would finally just put her back on the breast, and then she was like, Ah, this is where I wanted to be.

Chris

Yeah, some kids are like that, you know. We had we had two that were like that.

Kayla

Well, during a growth spurt, especially.

Chris

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Kayla

Okay, but once you get out of the first three months, you kind of, like you said, you kind of get your bearings a little bit, but you still have a little one, you still have a baby who can sleep on the go typically, um, if they like their car seat, because we've had both. We've had some who like the car seat and some who hate the car seat. So that's always a challenge if they hate the car seat. But um, but they're still like they sleep all the time, they're still taking like five naps a day, and they can just kind of fall asleep wherever. And and so you feel like you can almost get out and about more because you're not in that healing, like laying down period, but they're still so little that they can kind of just go with the flow. And they start to get their face and they start to get their personality and they start to engage with you. And the little glimpses are so fun, and they start smiling and laughing and rolling over, and it's just oh, it's just so sweet. And every it's just so I don't know why it's like so captivating when a baby comes in the room. It's like everybody wants to see the baby, and every even still, Indy is 10 months old, and this morning I went to go get him when he woke up, and everybody wanted to be the first one to see him and the first one to hold him, and because it was weird, he was the last one awake. It I'm just like, wow, your baby brother's almost a year old, and everyone's still obsessed with you. Just sweet. And then I would say when you hit about the nine months, it's like some babies by then have started moving around, and others like ours are still just sitting still.

Chris

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Kayla

But you're you might just a lot of mass there.

Chris

Yes, there's so much mass, it's like, how do I move myself around with my little muscles, but also at the same time, I'm really thick.

Kayla

So right. Really, really dense babies. Yes, Andy's 22 pounds, and he's 10 months old, so he's hefty, but not as hefty as Milo. Milo is still bigger, but anyways, like nine months comes and and you're starting, like everything's sort of starting to shake out. And again, and this is kind of in the period where we are now, like the nine to twelve months, where it's like, okay, we basically know how our days are usually gonna go. And he basically takes, you know, naps at these times and basically sleeps, you know, gets up this many times at night. Like it's just a little bit more predictable, but I don't know. It's just something about one year. It's kind of like when they hit that one year, you're like, okay, all right, it's good, everything's good. And I love zero to two, like newborn to two years old. That's just like, oh, it's that's your spot.

Chris

That's my spot. That's your mama's spot.

Kayla

That is that's well, that's when they like me the most.

Chris

And then they transition to dad because dad can throw them around.

Kayla

Yeah, it's like once they become two, and it's like then all of a sudden you become the favorite parent. Well, and it's usually because I'm nursing them too. And so they usually stop nursing somewhere around two something, and then it's like, well, now dad is the coolest because I don't nurse anymore. And so he throws me up in the air, and we have way more fun.

Chris

Yeah, yeah, we do have way more fun.

Kayla

So let's talk about milestones. So some parents, especially first-time parents, can get really caught up in these usually gross motor milestones. When is my baby gonna roll over? When are they gonna start crawling? When are they gonna pull up to standing? When are they gonna cruise around the furniture? When are they gonna walk? Because the pediatrician will have these like, well, most babies do it by such and such months. And then parents get really concerned if their baby isn't doing it by then. But I just want to tell you that is not anything to stress over, that's not anything to worry about. When your baby walks, when your baby talks, I promise you, by the time all of these sweet babies have grown a little and are, you know, turning five and going to kindergarten. Garden, it's like you're not going to be able to tell which one of those kids walked first or talked first or crawled first or moved first. You won't know because by then everyone looks the same. Like everyone's acting the same. They can all run and talk and jump and play. So you do not need to be concerned about your baby not crawling by nine months or walking by 12 months. It is not a big deal. Us personally, all of our babies, like I think we touched on before, have been very um late in comparison to your normal range, I guess you would say, or average range of crawling and walking. Our daughter did not start walking until she was 22 months old.

Chris

So she was so late for, I mean, in terms of like the average.

Kayla

Right. When they tell you they're gonna walk around 12 months and then your child isn't even crawling yet, you know, like some might get concerned. But thankfully, at that time at that time, you know, I've I've had my fair share of issues with pediatricians, but our pediatrician very much was like a low, low stress, which I did appreciate. But she was like, nope, she just when she wants to and when she's ready to, she will. Like she's there's nothing physically wrong with her, she just isn't ready yet. And so when she was 22 months, you know, so she was almost two years old and she started walking. I I promise you, by two years old, she was sprinting around the house. Like it's just she just wasn't ready yet. And she didn't crawl till she was 14 months old. So different babies are on different schedules. I have a friend, all of her kids are like walking by seven or eight months old. It's weird to me because that's not my experience, but it's normal for her. So all kids are on different paces. So please do not be concerned, like, oh, they're only saying one word, or like I promise, like our three-year-old um didn't really start saying words until after he was two. And now he talks a lot and does sentences and questions and all the things. It's just different kids, they grow it at different rates. And usually, like I said, by the time they're five, everything's pretty much evened out.

Chris

Yeah. And I say that that's, you know, the the only exception to the rule is, you know, of course, if you discover something that's, you know, some sort of an ailment that needs to be addressed. But outside of that, like if everything's normal, quote unquote, I guess, then I mean it's nothing to worry about.

Kayla

Yeah. Don't don't stress over it. Don't don't start signing your kids up for orthopedic specialists and pediatric physical therapy. Like, I feel like people start doing that when they hit the 18-month mark, and it's like, nah, just give just give them a few more months. Just give them a little bit more time to work out what they need to do.

Chris

What would you say is like the the point at which you should maybe say address something and be if there was any sort of concern? Like, what would you say is like the point?

Kayla

Well, usually there are other things going on too. Like if if a child is not walking, not talking, not able to eat solid foods, not if like if there's across the board several issues happening, um, you you probably would have already picked up that something else is going on by then. But if there's like multiple issues going on, and if again, if you ever do have a concern and something in your gut, like Holy Spirit is saying something's going on here, you need to get this checked out, then by all means, sure. Take them to the pediatrician and get them checked out. But I'm just saying, in the vast majority of cases, usually they just need a little bit more time, and that's fine. Nothing to stress over, nothing to stress about. So a a big part of the first year of parenting is sleep.

Chris

Sleep.

Kayla

Sleep or the lack thereof. Um babies, like I said, right, they they're not on a schedule when they come out when they're firstborn, but eventually they kind of develop into like a rhythm. And a lot of it centers around eating, you know, waking up to eat because babies, you know, are not meant to sleep all night long without a meal. Their tummies are tiny and they need to be refilled throughout the night. They are just they're not adults and they're not even children, they are babies and they operate differently. So sleep looks different than before a baby. Now, typically, um, if you're breastfeeding, they honestly usually wake up more at night because half of the reason they want to nurse is for comfort, too. So it's like partially for food and partially for comfort. And so sometimes when you're bottle feeding, they won't wake up as much because there's no breast there. It's different. So if if you're like my friend's baby is only getting up once a night, and my baby's getting up four times a night, and if your friend's baby is bottle feeding, then that probably has a lot to do with it. So just like not comparing with milestones, I wouldn't compare with how many times a night your friend's baby is getting up versus your baby. Because again, all kids are going to be different here, but it is normal and very developmentally appropriate for nursing babies to wake up all night long. And now, they usually just nurse and go right back to sleep once you are past those first couple of months. Um, so kind of like we said, once you hit that three-month mark, they're typically just nursing and then going right back to sleep. But they might do that five times. And there's something, something called the four-month sleep regression. Different theories as to why this happens that we're not going to get into, but feel free to research it on your own. But a lot of times around four months, so you know, somewhere between three and five months, if they had been sleeping longer stretches or falling asleep earlier, you might notice them waking up sooner or having a harder time going back to sleep or having a harder time falling asleep in the first place. It's no joke. All right. It like for me, whenever we've gone through it, it is like taking me back to the first couple of weeks of their life. And I'm like, whoa, I feel like we're doing this all over again. But by then, sometimes people are back to work and everyone thinks like, oh, life is normal now, but then you're actually getting less sleep than when they were first born.

Chris

Yeah, this was very accurate for all of our children. All of our children had this type of a situation, whether it was like right exactly at four months or like around four months. It was definitely, I mean, I I saw it happening with all of our kids.

Kayla

Yeah, they would get to this point where they could only sleep like 45 minutes at a time. And that, oof, trues was the worst. Worst. I will say that.

Chris

I felt so bad for you having to get up and nurse them in the middle of the night, like what, like 10, 12 times a night?

Kayla

Oh my gosh. It was terrible. And the the hard part for me was that it would take me like 20 minutes to fall back asleep. And so then it was like I would nurse him for like 20 some minutes, or like maybe like 20 minutes, and then I would put him down and he'd be back asleep, and then it would take me like 20 minutes to fall asleep. And then because he's sleeping like 45 minutes, he would only sleep for like 20 more minutes, and then he would wake up again. And so it was like I was getting 20 minutes at a time of sleep, like throughout the night, and I was a zombie. Oh man. And I had just gone back to work, and it was it was that was that was a bad time. Oh that was that was not great.

Chris

I'm glad that we're not reliving that with Indy. That was something.

Kayla

Yeah, Indy, Indy had his regression as well that was difficult, but it wasn't as bad as true's that's for sure. When it comes to sleeping during the day, I feel like everyone gets so concerned about nighttime that we almost skip daytime sleep. You will have some families who just keep going with life, and they are out and about and on the go all the time, and their babies end up just have being forced to sleep wherever they are. And then you will have other families who stick to a very tight nap schedule, and the baby is always home for that nap and a controlled environment, so it's consistent for the baby.

Chris

Yeah.

Kayla

Yeah. So um it looks different from family to family. You'll need to figure out what works for you. I will say we have sort of defaulted to a nap schedule. Now it's not at a time, it's not like their nap is at three o'clock or their nap is at one o'clock. It was just sort of like, oh, they've been up for this amount of time. Now it's time for them to take a nap. But for us, our kids always slept so much better and were so much happier and healthier if we were at home for naps. Our kids did not sleep well on the go and honestly would be much fussier and crankier if so. And they would sleep so much longer, like at home, once we got into like a good rhythm and routine. And so, and my kids, whenever I finally get them sort of like napping without me, because you know, in the beginning, it's sort of like they're napping on you or they're nursing to sleep or whatnot. But eventually I'll get to the point, usually by six months, somewhere in there, six to ten, six to eight, I don't know, eight months maybe, somewhere in there, where it's like I can put them down for a nap and I don't have to like be with them for the nap. And they sleep so much longer. Like, and then they're happier and then they sleep better at night because they're sleeping better during the day. And that's a mistake a lot of first-time parents make is they think, like, oh, if I just keep them awake more during the day, then they'll sleep better at night. But actually, it doesn't work like that. They get overly tired and then they have a harder time sleeping at night, and it's sort of like a vicious negative cycle that continues. Whereas if you flip it and they are sleeping better during the day and longer during the day, then they actually sleep better and longer at night.

Chris

It's sleep hygiene.

Kayla

Sleep hygiene. Well, and you're and how much sleep you get actually has a lot to do with your immune system and how easily you can get sick or recover from an illness. Has a lot to do with your sleep.

Chris

Absolutely, yeah.

Kayla

So whatever route you take, just make sure it's the best one for your family. Speaking of immune systems and sickness, let's talk about uh the first time your baby gets sick because it's gonna happen.

Chris

Let's talk about baby sickness.

Kayla

There is my husband always turning everything into a song. So I vividly remember the first time Brinkley got sick. Now, actually, she did not get sick until her, until she was a year old. But I, you know, like knowing what I know now, I know exactly why that happened. So when she hit a year, um, she did not get sick her entire first year of life. And I believe that was in great part because A, I was breastfeeding her, B, we did not have older siblings at the home who were like bringing germs in. And C, she was not in daycare. So I think that had a lot to do with how healthy she was her first year. However, when she hit a year old, I did not know any better. And my pediatrician told me that I should stop breastfeeding and put her on cow's milk because it was time because she was a year old. Well, that was terrible advice. Um, and I didn't know any better, like I said, so I stopped nursing her. First of all, she had a reaction to the milk, so there you go. But second of all, she got sick for the first time, and I think um, I think a big part of it was because I stopped nursing her and I was trying to wean her. Um, and I think it also was probably because it was the middle of winter, so there's that, but also she had just had her first birthday party and she just had sugar for the first time. So she ate that smash cake and went to town. And so I just think sort of like all those contributing factors um played into it. But regardless, the first time your baby gets sick, for me, it is the hardest part of parenting for me, is when my kids are sick. And I think it's gotten easier over the years just with experience. But first of all, I cannot stand to be sick. I hate being sick. I do not, I do not like physically not feeling well. I could handle emotionally not feeling well way easier than physically not feeling well, personally speaking. In Agram 7, I like to avoid pain, but I have natural birth, so that just means birth's not that painful.

Chris

It means that it's such just such an enjoyable and memorable and significant experience that it's worth all of that for you.

Kayla

Right. But I'm not gonna get tangent in on that. We are sticking with babysickness. Okay, so the first time she got sick, she had croup, which she proceeded to get every year for the next couple of years. Um, and I just remember feeling so helpless, like I didn't know what to do. So I'm just like Googling all this stuff. And we ended up sitting, you know, in a steamy bathroom with her and then taking her outside in the cool air and all that kind of stuff. But she ended up, so it had only been a week or two of weaning. Um, and so she ended up wanting to nurse constantly. Looking back, I'm so grateful for that. But at the time I was frustrated, I was like, no, we're supposed to be weaning, but but I'm so grateful. She ended up nursing for two more months because she got sick. And so um she nursed pretty much around the clock, which you know obviously helped her get better faster. But again, I didn't know any of that at the time. So whenever it happens, whatever the sickness is, there are resources out there besides Tylenol.

Chris

So you can Yeah, I was gonna say, like based upon what some of the standard baby sicknesses are that a baby would normally get sick with during that time, um, like the first time a baby would get sick, what what are some things that you can do to combat that on the front end? But what are some things that when they do get sick? I mean, depending on what they're sick with, I mean, I know what we would probably do with our family, but what would you suggest when they do get sick, how to handle that?

Kayla

That is such a loaded question that's gonna require its entirely own podcast episode.

Chris

Oh, it's going on the docket right now.

Kayla

Future episode. Just just added it to our list of things to record.

Chris

How to take care of your sick baby.

Kayla

How to take care of your sick baby. That's good. So we're not gonna spend an hour talking about that because I definitely could.

Chris

Could you rapid fire?

Kayla

I could rapid fire and just say keep them outside as much as possible, get them as much sunshine as possible, breastfeed them as much as possible. And if you're breastfeeding, keep your diet in check. Um, you know, low sugar, low process, up your vitamin C and stuff. And if they're eating solid foods, make sure they're clean whole foods, nothing processed and and junky. And yeah, that's all I'm gonna say for now.

Chris

What about with if they what about if they have an ear infection?

Kayla

Oh yeah, ear infections. It's like they either get a cold or they get an ear infection from the cold. Oh, nose Frida. Get your nose Frida out and suck up that snot out of their nose. Because that's the thing, is they get all congested and and snotty and they don't know how to blow their noses, obviously. So you have to suck it out for them.

Chris

Why is it better than one of those like little bulb syringes?

Kayla

You can get more out. The bulb syringes also can kind of hurt their noses, but I feel like the nose Frida is stronger and it can get more from like a higher place than the nose or than the bulb syringe.

Chris

So can you debunk some myths about the nose Frida right now?

Kayla

You're not gonna get the snot in your mouth. Nice, okay. People, the nose frida is this like snot sucker, is what I call it. But you stick like a little tube in their nose and then you suck on the other end and it like drains the snot and gets like the snot to come out of their nose so that they can breathe better, but you won't get it in your mouth. I promise you'll be good to go. That's always a concern. Um, but you want to do that so that they can breathe better at night, too. Um, so that they can breathe better. But if you do, if your kid gets an ear infection, I will just say this and we'll we'll deep dive more into this. Let's do that. Let's do a future episode on taking care of your sick baby. But let's say they get an ear infection, they do not have to go on antibiotics, it's not an automatic antibiotic situation. There is this stuff called garlic oil, or we have the mullen. It's like garlic mullen ear oil. And you actually you can look it up, real simple. Um, sell it on Amazon. They even sell it at like, you know, Target and that kind of stuff usually too now. Look at them go. But um, but you heated up the oil, just run it under some water, like in the bottle, and then you just put a couple of drops in whichever ear is giving them issues or both ears, and just like put a cotton ball over their ear to keep it in there and and let them lay for a while. And I promise you, for us over the years, we have not dealt with many ear infections, but when we have just using that oil, we have never had to put our children on antibiotics for ear infections because that oil always nips it in the butt.

Chris

Praise the Lord.

Kayla

There he goes again. Okay, so yeah, so I recommend doing that because you can deep dive into why it's not great to give your child or yourself antibiotics for every little thing that comes their way. But we can talk more about that in that future episode that we will do at some point. But babe, it may not be you who does that with me. Sorry. Yeah, I'm I'm not probably the person for that, but throughout your baby's first year, depending, you know, on their ages and stages, growth spurts, getting sick, all the different things, what the weather is, blah, blah, blah. Like all the things. There are just some times when your baby is going to be cranky or fussy. They might be teething. That's a whole thing. They usually got teeth coming in their first year. Some people love to do um the amber teething necklaces. You can Google that. Um, it's just a little necklace they wear around their neck, and it's supposed to help with like the irritation of their mouth. They also you can do earthly cells like a teeth tamer tincture that you can put that I've used that's helped our babies through teething. But regardless of why they're being fussy, I guarantee, like, I want to say nine times out of 10, but I even want to say 95 times out of a hundred, if you just take your baby outside, usually that makes them happier. Like taking your baby outside, just getting them in the a different environment, taking them from whatever you've been doing outside, even if it's 30 degrees, just wrap them up in a hat and a coat or a blanket and take them outside. They love to be outside. And I think it's because their bodies instinctually know that like this is where I'm meant to be, and this is, you know, where I was created and um to be in God's creation. So I know from the moment they're like newborns all the way to now, honestly. But just taking them outside and getting that environment shift changes their mood in in the best way.

Chris

I attest to this. It's I've there have been many times where I just took my baby outside and they stopped crying.

Kayla

Mm-hmm.

Chris

Because they're just so they're either so interested in their surroundings or it's actually what they wanted, you know?

Kayla

Yeah.

Chris

Um, and it's it was the thing that they didn't know that they needed.

Kayla

Yeah. Well, and they can get mesmerized by sights and sounds because Outside, things can be so much further away. And it's helping the development of their far-sightedness to be able to look at those things off in the distance where as everything inside your house is close. Yeah.

Chris

And when you're when you're focusing on things that are far away, you're actually relaxing your eye muscles, like within your eye. And so that could be even something that their their body's craving that is not really possible indoors.

Kayla

Yeah. Being outside in a natural light like that actually does really help their eyes to develop properly. Got that from my 1000 Hours Outside podcast with Jenny Erich.

Chris

Thanks, Jenny.

Kayla

I just have to plug her whenever I can because she's the best. So being outside, but also some people will say, well, I can't because I've got, you know, this going on inside, or my other kid is, I don't know, whatever the situation is, or maybe there's a tornado outside. Like, I don't know. Like whatever, whatever the situation is. The ultimate.

Chris

If there's a tornado outside, you should not do the next thing you're about to suggest.

Kayla

Okay. Let's just say there's a monsoon and you don't have any covering, like you don't have a porch or anything. Okay. So if that's the case, here's a couple things you could do. You could just like open the front door and let them sit by the front door and just look outside. So that's an option, but also put them in the bath. The bath. It works wonders. Baths should not just be reserved for right before they go to bed at night because most kids love baths. And maybe if your kid doesn't like a bath right now at like three months old, just wait a few months. Once they can sit up unassisted in the bath, it is like their favorite place, usually. So I know for us, if we're just kind of having a funky day and you know, we can't leave the house for some reason or the weather's terrible, or like for just maybe like I'm cooking a bunch of stuff and I don't know. Well, thankfully I I have other kids that can help with this because don't ever leave your baby unattended in the bath. But but sometimes I'll leave them in there with Brinkley, my 10-year-old, who can watch them very well. Um, but they love getting in the bath, it changes everything. It's a great, you know, fun time for them. They also get clean, which is cool. And you don't you don't need to use soap or anything, like just let them play in the water. Like they just have such a fun time and it changes their mood.

Chris

So well, this might not exactly be a pro tip anyway, but this does not just apply to babies. This definitely applies to our toddlers as well.

Kayla

Oh, yeah. Yes.

Chris

Just get them in the bath and they're like, oh yeah, this is actually kind of fun, and I'm no longer fussing about the thing that I was originally fussing about.

Kayla

Except the toddlers tend to make a lot bigger mess with all the splashing in the water.

Chris

Oh, that's true. Yeah.

Kayla

So be prepared for that. But but yes, if you're in that first year and it's like, well, he's eaten and he's not teething, and he has slept, and like you just feel like you've checked all the boxes and they have a clean diaper, and like there, what could possibly be wrong with them? And you can't go outside, then put them in the bath. It's super, super helpful and has saved me many, many, many times.

Chris

Those are some wise words, babe.

Kayla

But put them in the bath. All right. I'll touch on this for a second because this has less to do with your baby and more to do with you. But if you are breastfeeding and you're wondering when is my period going to return, this isn't an episode about that, as much as it usually does happen within the first year. Some unfortunate souls will get their periods back, you know, six weeks later, even though they're exclusively nursing on demand around the clock. Other people who are again usually nursing around the clock won't get their periods back for two years. It just depends on your body. But the average, I would say average, it comes back sometime in that first year. So people are like, Oh, can I get pregnant? Is that possible? If you're whether or not you want to, like if you're wanting to get pregnant or if you're trying to avoid getting pregnant, I always say, until your cycle is back, like until it comes back, I would, and if you're not wanting to get pregnant, then take the necessary precautions.

Chris

Just assume you're ovulating if you if you're trying to prevent.

Kayla

Assume you're always ovulating, because you will ovulate before you get your first period. And so there have been a ton of women who have ended up getting pregnant and not knowing it because their cycle hadn't come back yet, and they just ended up getting pregnant on that first the first time they ovulated, and so they just never got a period back. So if you don't want that to happen to you, just make sure you're preventing. And then whenever your cycle does come back, um with nursing, whenever it comes, it usually is not routine and predictable for a while. It usually is very unorganized for a while because of the nursing. So you could have, you know, a period that is a week long, and then you could go five more weeks and then get another one. Or you could have a period that's like three days long and then two weeks later you have another one. It's just sort of all over the place for a while until your body sort of like gets back into a rhythm. And that usually goes hand in hand with how often they're nursing. So as they are eating more solid foods and as they're cutting some of their nursing out, especially once you get past the first year, then you'll notice that your cycle, when it comes back, will start to regulate a little bit more. Yeah.

Chris

And this is generally across the board, like not just from our personal experience, too.

Kayla

Definitely. Although I would say I'm pretty much in that average boat of I usually always get it back in the first year. And it it definitely, I've noticed, ties hand in hand with how often I'm nursing them.

Chris

So can we talk about like some fun stuff for uh like first birthday parties?

Kayla

Can we? Of course we can. Let's talk about your first your baby's first birthday party.

Chris

Because that is such an exciting moment and such an exciting time, and it's talk about it's not like a milestone, but for a family, it's a milestone. Yeah.

Kayla

Because it's not just a celebration of their first year, it's a celebration of your first year of parenting them, of taking care of them. You made it, you made it through a whole year. Uh, for us, we have always had a big birthday party for the first birthday party. And then after that, it just sort of is like we don't really have parties for them again until they're old enough to realize what a birthday is, what a birthday party is, and they ask for one, which is usually yeah, usually around five years old is when they start catching on to that. Um, and typically it's because they have older siblings who are celebrating theirs. But a first birthday party is so special. We end up for us, we have it at our house and we do their monthly pictures on the wall. So, like those pictures that we took at one month, two months, three months, all the way. I print them all out and we put them all up on the wall in order as like decoration. I usually have their baby book out that I have filled out somewhat and have pictures in it, which I always just typically end up doing that last minute to like as part of the party prep. And for us, we've always done like a theme with the food. So um, we've always done a bar of some type. So for Brinkley's first birthday, we did a sub-sandwich bar. So everyone got to pick out their bread, their meat, their cheeses, their condiments, their toppings, and everyone did a sub-sandwich. It was great. I loved it because sandwiches are the best. And we had it at like lunchtime. For Milo's, you were a vegan, and so we did a giant salad bar, and we had different types of lettuce and different toppings and different dressings. And you're welcome.

Chris

That was a beautiful day.

Kayla

And we had like um, we had sides too, but like the entree. Yes, the entree was um, everyone made just made a giant like entree salad, almost like we were at Jason's Deli, you know?

Chris

Oh man.

Kayla

Jason's deli salad bar.

Chris

People talk about the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday, but the Jason's Deli salad bar is that's that's where I would live.

Kayla

It's all about the Jason's deli salad.

Chris

Oh man, yes, for sure. And back to back to subject matter.

Kayla

Back to first birthday parties for Jensen's first birthday party was the best, in my humble opinion. It was amazing. We did a walking taco bar, it was so fun. We got all those little bags of very processed Fritos, and we had people, we had like, you know, the taco meat, or I think we also did like shredded chicken and black beans and stuff, all the like cheeses, sour cream, salsa, let like whatever you want to put on it. It was so much fun, and then just had forks, and so everyone did walking tacos. That was a great party.

Chris

You should probably apologize to your listeners about the Fritos.

Kayla

I'm sorry. We don't do that anymore. But but if you do, but it's fine. No, it was just it was for walking tacos. I grew up with walking tacos, um, so it was just sort of like nostalgic, nostalgic for me. Um, for True's first birthday, we did a pasta bar. We had like we had like a whole wheat spaghetti, and then we had a tortellini, and then I think we had a penne, and then we had different sauces. So it was like we had marinara or alfredo or pesto, and then we had different toppings, like you could have chicken or broccoli or sausage. What did I, anyways, and so everyone just made like whatever kind of pasta they wanted, and we had like bread and salad on the side, and yeah, people were sleeping by the end of that party. Yeah, well, all the like the carb overload, but it was a great party, so that's what we've done for all of ours. We've never had like um the the like cutesy little like jungle theme or like I don't know, whatever themes people do for their first birthdays, but we've always done like a bar, and this year we're getting ready for Indiana's first birthday, and we're doing a breakfast bar. Oh, so we're gonna do like um scrambled eggs and bacon and I didn't know this.

Chris

I didn't know this.

Kayla

Hey babe, we're doing a breakfast bar for Indy's first birthday. Oh my god, and you're in charge of the coffee bar.

Chris

Oh, let's go. So we'll have to. Can I get a new coffee? Like, can we get a new espresso machine for it?

Kayla

No, no, no, babe, no, no. Um, but anyways, we're gonna do a breakfast.

Chris

Wait, selfish, selfish uh plug here. If you happen to own a bounce house rental business, uh you can set up bounce houses for the older kids that are coming to the birthday party for your kids.

Kayla

Yeah.

Chris

So if you're if you're like us and you have bounce houses in your garage, you can just set them all up and let the kids go for it. Yeah. The one-year-olds can't do it, but we okay.

Kayla

Side bit, we do have a little family business called Ever Jump Inflatables here in the triad, and we rent out um like inflatable bounce houses and stuff. But it all started. This is how it all started. I'm gonna say this really fast because this is now officially off topic. But it all started because our next door neighbors at our old house had a big bounce blower thing and like a jumpy bounce house, and they would let us use it for birthday parties for super cheap. I mean, for like $25. Like it was so cheap. Well, then our kids just came to like expect that, but it was fine. So it was like it's our neighbors and it's $25. It's no big deal. Well, then one time their bouncer was not available for the birthday party, and we had already promised our daughter that she could have one. So we had to rent it from a company. Then we had to rent it from a company, and it was like, you know, $300 or $250 or something like that, which we were not expecting to pay and we were not prepared to pay for, but we had made a promise and all the things. Well, then, of course, and our son wanted one for his birthday party. And Chris and I were just like, you know what? If we buy a bouncer ourselves, then A, we don't have to worry about renting it every time. And B, it will pay for itself because now we have five kids. And if you have five birthday parties a year, I mean, like, it'll pay for itself in like a year. And C, we could rent it out to other people in the meantime to help make up for what we just spent on it. And so that's what we did.

Chris

But then within like all of a sudden you go one step further and you start viewing it as an asset, and now all of a sudden it became a business, and we bought three more.

Kayla

Well, you can thank Patrick Hayes for that, actually.

Chris

Um, shout out Patrick Hayes, shout out Patrick.

Kayla

He was talking to Chris one day, and then suddenly Chris came home and was like, We're starting a business. And I said, Okay. So, anyways, um, but yeah, so for all of our kids' birthday parties, we usually just throw up one of the bounce houses and it's a it's a blast.

Chris

And so if you want a bounce house for your triad birthday party, just look up Everjump Inflatables.

Kayla

Babe, I'll I'll link your business in the comments, Chris.

Chris

You would do that for me.

Kayla

That really is your business. I really have nothing to do with that anymore, other than just knowing when you're gonna be gone and when you're coming home.

Chris

Yeah. Well, I have I have plans for you to become more involved.

Kayla

Oh, that's sweet.

Chris

Just like I just like I'm involved with your you know podcast. That's great.

Kayla

You really are. You're you make this happen. All right, guys, back to the one year. We're almost done here.

Chris

This is what you get when I'm a guest on the episode.

Kayla

It is. It is. Well, because if I do this with a guest, you cut it all out. So that's right.

Chris

But it's gonna stay in.

Kayla

So, okay. So you've had your first year, a year that has flown by. You've gone through the eating issues, the sleeping issues, the not stressing about milestones, the getting sick for the first time, all those different things. You're watching them grow and change, and it's amazing and it's wonderful. And now you've celebrated their first birthday party with the smash cake. Usually, that's usually our kids' typically first sugar dose is at their little smash cake at their first birthday, which two of our kids have not even touched theirs. So that's been fun. And the other two totally annihilated them. So we'll see what Indy does. He'll be the tiebreaker here. But I have a feeling I know which direction it's going. He'll be an annihilator. Yeah. Um, so you've done all this and you've made it through your first year. And if you are in that right now, I just want to say congratulations.

Chris

Oh man. It is what a if you're listening to that this and you are that person, you're a pro.

Kayla

You're a pro.

Chris

Nice work.

Kayla

You did it. And now I feel like when you get to the first year, because some people be like, I can't have any more kids, and da-da-da-da. But I feel like once you're after a year in, you're like, okay, like I could see doing that again.

Chris

Yeah, my advice for someone who would say that is don't get ahead of yourself.

Kayla

You're really funny. Okay. I will say, we're gonna say one last thing here. We're gonna end it with this. So parenting or bringing a child into the home in whatever way that is, whether you had them biologically or you're fostering or you adopted them, when you have your baby or your child, it can either make your marriage so much stronger and bring you so much closer with your spouse, or if you let it, it can divide you intensely and cause a lot of conflict and resentment and just a lot of things of the enemy. So we actually have talked about doing a whole episode on this about marriage, the marriage relationship after bringing a baby into the home and how it changes from you know, before you were parents. So we are gonna do a full episode on that in the future, hopefully soon. Um can I be a part of that one? Yeah, yes. Yes, you will. But is there anything you want to say about that as we end? Just because I do feel like while parenting in your first year affects you so much, you know, as a person, whether you're the mom or the dad, it affects your marriage um intensely.

Chris

Yeah. Well, I think the big thing is just learning what your spouse needs from you. Um, and so I mean, if you're fluent in what the love languages are, you know, Dr. Gary Chapman has a book called Uh The Five Love Languages. That's helped us a lot in learning what each person needs the most of um in order to feel like they're loved and supported. And so, Kayla, for you, it was acts of service. So for me, I was like, whatever I can do to make sure that you feel like you're being served and that you have all of your needs met. I mean, that was my that was my main priority. But also, you know, on the flip side, being able to communicate with each other, when you have, when there is a lack, uh, where you feel like there's a lack, where you have a need that's not being met, because even though it's hard having a newborn and having a baby, I mean, there are still needs within the marriage, and the marriage should not be neglected just because there is someone in the house that you know requires a lot of attention um and support, just because they can't support themselves, you know. And so in order for that to happen, they're just need, I mean, gosh, it sounds so cliche, but just to have supreme amounts of communication and um and knowing and also knowing how to communicate, because there are some days where everyone's just tired and cranky, and uh just being aware of how you communicate to each other in in a life-giving way, um, and not in a passive-aggressive way. And so anyway, I I think those are probably the biggest things that I would say in terms of the first year of parenting, and we can expound on it in the you know, the episode to come. But I think that that is in a nutshell, probably the some of the biggest things. And also, you know, of course, just staying in prayer. Because if, and this is something that I really have to remind myself to do because I when you live in the urgent and all the things that have to be done, especially when you know one spouse is out for the count, you know, taking care of the baby and staying in bed, especially right after giving birth, there are just there's some slack to be picked up and there's a lot of urgent things that appear. And so for me, the tendency is to, you know, to live in the urgent and to make sure everything is taken care of and just to become, you know, in a lot of senses, just becoming uh Martha. But I think that uh that was a biblical reference, by the way. Mary, the story of Mary and Martha, but uh just to be able to stay in prayer and pray for your spouse, pray for your baby, and make sure that you know what their prayer needs are. And if you're a man listening to this, just being able to pray things into your wife that you hope to see come to fruition just as a mother. And um, and so I think that that's really important, just to be futuristic with your prayers, but also just to stay in communion with the Lord, uh, so that you can keep your relationship with the Lord strong so that you can pour out.

Kayla

Yeah.

Chris

So that's what I would say.

Kayla

Everything about the first year, I mean everything about everything in life, but really everything about the first year from making parenting decisions, taking care of your baby and focusing on your marriage, like let the Holy Spirit be your guide. Just rely heavily, heavily, more heavily on the Holy Spirit than you do on Google. I promise.

Chris

Oh man. Yeah, that's that's a word, Dave.

Kayla

I couldn't try and make that sound better if I thought about it more, but we'll just go with it.

Chris

No, I like it. Don't don't change it. It was perfect.

Kayla

Okay. Well, that's it. I think that's all we got today.

Chris

Should we uh bring in some sound of music, Al Vietersen?

Kayla

Al Vidersen. So long farewell.

Chris

Yeah, yeah, let's do that. Do you want to do that?

Kayla

Nope. I do that with my cousins, but you're not my cousin.

Chris

Thank God. Wow.

Kayla

I just heard it the way you heard it.

Chris

No, that's good. Yeah, thanks for clarifying that. That's really great.

Kayla

Oh my goodness. Okay, I love you, babe.

Chris

I love you too. Goodbye, audience.

Kayla

Until next time. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram or email me at contact at Surrendered Birth Services.com. Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting the follow button. Also, we'd love for you to leave a written review of the show so that more people's births and lives can be changed by the love of Jesus and the empowerment of accurate birth education. If you really enjoyed this episode in particular, please take a screenshot of it and post it to your Instagram story tagging Surrendered Birth Services. If you would like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, please click the link in the episode show notes to fill out your interest form. Also, if you're interested in taking my childbirth classes, birth consultations, or having me as your birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to my website for online and in-person options. Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice. So please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise. We hope you have a great week. And remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands. You know, with all those stages, let's talk about milestones for a second. Actually, let me go take my bread out of the oven for a second.

Chris

Pause.

Kayla

Pause and BRB.