072: Finding God's Strength In Our Weakness (with Teri French) [Breastfeeding Difficulty, Hyperemesis Gravidarum]

Some pregnancies are easy, and some are hard, but we have to trust God through both types of experiences. Some labors are longer and some are shorter, but again, we have to trust God through it all. Sometimes we think we’re in control and have a plan, but we have to learn to surrender to God’s plan in order for our trust in Him to be real. This puts our faith from thoughts to actions, and ultimately, gives us His supernatural peace that only comes through that surrender. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

I remember he reached over and he took my hand and he bowed his head. And I was praying to my, you know, in my own head. And I know he was doing the same. And I looked around the room, and my best friend has her head bowed. And my midwife and her student midwife, who's her daughter, was there as well. And they both have their heads bowed and they're holding hands. And I knew, without anyone saying anything, what everybody was praying for. And the fact that everyone turned to him in that moment of, okay, God, like we need you. A piece washed over me like I cannot explain to you. And that's when things started to progress.

SPEAKER_00 0:47

Hi, I'm Kayla Heater, follower of Jesus, wife and mother of five children, Christian childbirth educator in doula, and your host of the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, where we share God-centered birth stories, evidence-based birth education, and our pursuit of surrendering our birth plans to God. Let's get started. Hey everybody, hope your week is off to a great start. And I know this is maybe a little late, but happy new year, because it is officially 2025 now. I'm actually recording this on January 3rd. So happy New Year. Although I'm still holding on to Christmas a little bit. Which is funny because I started celebrating Christmas the earliest I've ever started celebrating it this year, like a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, and I've never done that before. And yet here we are, January 3rd, and my tree is still up and my decorations are still up, and I'm still wanting to watch Christmas movies and just be by the fire and all of that. I'm sure it'll come down all within the week. I usually, honestly, my husband's quite content to have it down on the 26th. So many years in the past, we've done that, like day after Christmas, put everything away. But this year it's uh we're hanging on. I don't really know what it is, but we just I don't know. I'm having a hard time letting go of Christmas. But um, I'm sure, I'm sure we will within the week and we'll, you know, start to purge everything in our house because that's usually what happens right after Christmas is everything starts to drive me crazy and I get rid of it all. So here's here's to purging. All right, I haven't read a review in a little bit. Always makes me so happy to get your guys' reviews, especially your written reviews. I know it's really easy to go in there and put a rating, but you know, taking the extra like 60 seconds to write something out is super meaningful to me and also just like super helpful to this podcast. So when people leave reviews, it really does pop up this podcast in front of other people who don't know that it exists yet. So if you enjoy listening to this, I'm sure other people would enjoy listening to this if only they knew about it. So by you leaving a review, that is one very helpful, easy, totally free thing you can do to help other women be able to hear these stories and be impacted just like you have. This says, give God the glory, and it's from EMM. She says, I've been listening to birth stories for five plus years now, and it has been so great to finally find one that gives God the credit. Real people, real struggles, real faith, so good. Thank you. That's my goal, that's my heart. Is I want to share about birth. I want people to hear about, you know, pregnancy and labor and childbirth and breastfeeding, postpartum, all the things, and learn from each other's experiences. But more importantly, I want them to hear the name of Jesus. I want their faith to be lifted. Um, I want them to be encouraged in their walk with the Lord. That's my my heart behind this. So share this podcast. It's January, it's, you know, a new year, 2025, and just take a minute to share this podcast with somebody else or a few other people who would love listening to it. All right, let's get into this week's episode. Some pregnancies are easy and some are hard, but we have to trust God through both types of experiences. Some labors are longer and some are shorter. But again, we have to trust God through it all. Sometimes we think we're in control and have a plan, but we have to learn to surrender to God's plan in order for our trust in Him to be real. This puts our faith from thoughts to actions and ultimately gives us His supernatural peace that only comes through that surrender. Welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories. I am your host, Kayla Heater, and I have Terry with me today. Terry, take a second, introduce yourself, tell us about you, your life, what your day-to-day looks like. Give us a look into a day in the life of Terry.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

All right. Thank you so much for having me. Hi, everybody. Um, my name is Terry. I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years now. Um, and we have two sweet little ones, uh, a six-year-old little boy and then a almost 14-month-old little girl. I was a public school teacher for um seven years, but chose a different path a few years ago. And now I am a stay-at-home homeschool mama. And um, so we um our days are filled with homeschool and chasing a baby and just having a great time. Um, my husband is a sales rep for a Western company, but he also preaches part-time um and does a couple of other jobs um as well. So we are very busy. Um, but I'm excited to be here and and share my story.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Cool. Well, that's great. I've I'm also a used to be school teacher and homeschool mom now. So I can relate to that for sure.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

That's wonderful. We we absolutely love it. We've been homeschooling since my son was in preschool and he's in first grade now.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

Nice. Yeah, we didn't start till my daughter was in third grade, was her first homeschool year, but so she went to school for K through second, but COVID was in the middle of that, so I feel like it doesn't really count.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

It doesn't. I taught through COVID, so it doesn't count.

SPEAKER_00 6:45

No, it didn't count. It was so weird. Okay. Well, let's talk about birth. So take us back to that first pregnancy. What was it like? What was it like getting pregnant for the first time? How did that happen? Tell us the story.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

So, um, my husband and I had been married quite a while before we decided to have kids. And I remember one day I was getting ready for work and we had kind of been talking about starting to try and different things. And he has this tendency of throwing things at me when he knows I don't really have time to get emotional about it. Um, because I am a very emotional person. So he he just walked by me one morning. He was like, Hey, let's start trying to have kids today. Um like call the doctor, make sure everything's good, like let's let's make it happen. And I was getting ready for work, so I didn't have the time to really address it at that moment. And it took me off guard and I was like, uh oh, okay, like, okay, we're doing this. Um, and it didn't take us very long at all um to get pregnant after that. And my first pregnancy, I kept saying during my first pregnancy, if this is what pregnancy is like, why don't people have a hundred babies? I was quickly humbled during my second pregnancy, but we'll get to that. Um I uh I had just a beautiful pregnancy, everything went really, really well. I had some morning sickness, um, or what I like to call all day sickness, uh because it never it never went away, but I was never violently ill or really fatigued or anything until pretty close to the end of my pregnancy when I was teaching and I taught up to I think five days before my son was born. Um, and I was swollen and tired. Um, but overall I I was really fine. I did I did really well with it and and really enjoyed being pregnant um with my son.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Well, I mean, that's wonderful and encouraging, I feel like, for people to hear because more often I feel like hear the opposite of pregnancy is miserable and it's so hard. And like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 9:04

I really enjoy being pregnant. Um, even with my second one, it was a little bit harder. I really enjoy being pregnant.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Well, good. I'm happy for you.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

So, in terms of your care for that pregnancy, like what kind of care provider did you choose? What kind of birth were you planning? What were your plans like that the first time around?

SPEAKER_01 9:26

So, my husband and I, I'm much more on the holistic side of things than my husband. And is I've I've kind of dragged him along with me on that. And he has since um moved over a little bit further towards towards where I am. Um, but with my first, we decided that we wanted, I wanted a an unmedicated birth. And I would have done um a home birth or a birth center birth at that point, but my husband said, okay, let's go with the hospital birth, but let's do unmedicated, let's do, you know, as little intervention as possible. And so that's what we did. I saw my regular OB. Um, I found one who at that point I thought was going to align with my ideals of low intervention and all of those things. And so we went the traditional route and ended up in the hospital with an unmedicated, very low intervention birth, which was so wonderful for us. It was a good first experience, which led us to make some different choices in my second pregnancy.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Okay. Well, let's get into that story then. So, how far along were you when you went into labor and how did labor start?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

So I was 39 weeks and four days, I believe. And um, I I had been teaching sixth grade at the time, and my kids, I had left the Friday before. That was my last day of work, and my plan on Tuesday morning was to go back to my campus because my kids were doing this fun big project, and I just wanted to encourage them and see them one more time before I left. And I woke up. Um, I was actually just reading my birth stories last night that I had written down. Um, and I woke up at about 3 a.m. with a pretty big contraction. And at that point I thought, oh, some Braxton's, because I had been having them. And so I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go back to sleep, see what happens. And um, then at five o'clock, I woke up and realized, okay, this is not Braxton's where we're gonna do this today. And so I snuck out of bed, walked around a little bit. Actually, at that point, I think I had just gone to the bathroom and my husband woke up and came in and said, Are you are you okay? Like this is early, what's going on? And I said, I think, I think this is it. I think I'm in labor. And so we both decided to lay back down for a little bit, and I laid down for a while, and then at about six o'clock, I was like, Okay, I have to move. Like, I can't, I can't lay through these. And so he got up, made me some breakfast, I remember, and I am not an egg fan. I don't really go, I don't eat breakfast uh much. I don't like breakfast food. And I remember I looked at him and I was like, I need scrambled eggs. And he he laughed because I was so serious about it, and he was like, Okay, and and so he made me scrambled eggs, and I'm sitting there at the table scarfing these scrambled eggs like I've you know in my life depended on it. And um at that point I realized I needed to order my breast pump. I hadn't ordered it yet, and I was like, Oh, I need to get that done. So it's like eight o'clock by this point, and I'm eating breakfast, and I call my insurance and she's like, Okay, so when are you due? And I was like, actually, I'm in labor right now. And she was like, Oh, okay, and like I immediately hear her start typing faster and like like oh this is we need to get this done. Um, and at that point, we had been living with my parents and so um saving up for a house. And so my mom had come out of her bedroom and saw me and saw me eating eggs, and she was like, What are you doing? I was like, uh, I'm in labor and I'm having some eggs. Um, and so from that point on, we my mom and my husband kind of took turns caring for me. Um, I spent a lot of time trying to rest, but um moving intermittently on my birth ball or walking around or swaying or squatting, kind of just trying to keep things moving. And then a couple hours into that, we had chosen to use a doula. We we took birth classes with her. Um, and so we were really excited to have her because I knew if I was gonna go unmedicated in the hospital, I would need a support person outside of my husband who could speak for us and say, we're not doing unnecessary interventions. Like this is what we wanted. So we texted her and let her know labor was progressing, and unfortunately, she texted back with, I'm sick and I can't come. Oh no. Yeah. So immediately I went to the worst case scenario um and started doubting God's plan for us. And I had a big cry session, and she was, you know, apologizing, and people get sick, you know, that happens. And it ended up being one of the biggest blessings that we could have had that day. Um, and so she was trying to find a backup, and her immediate backup that she uses, she could get there about 8 p.m. And this was about 11 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, and I was like, I can't, I can't do that. And the way that I was feeling and how things were progressing, like at that point, I had lost my mucus plug already, and I I was like, I don't think that's gonna work. Like it was my first pregnancy, and so we expected it to go a really long time, but something was just telling me that's that's not gonna work. I can't go another, you know, eight hours. Um, so she kept calling backups and she ended up with a backup who um was also a midwife, and she lived about an hour away, and she said, Okay, I gave us her information um and told us, you know, give her at least an hour heads up because she's an hour away, she's gonna have to travel. So I was like, fine, whatever, like making my judgment, you know, of this new woman before I had any information on her. And so I'm laying there. Um, I went back to bed because I was a wreck and I just knew this is not gonna go the way I want it to now. Our original doula had sent us her website and the new doula's website, and so um I law I get on and I start looking at her website and I'm like, yeah, this is not what we want. She is not who we want. Like, and I'm not even really reading anything on it. And so I scroll all the way down um to the end of the first page on her website, and she has the verse that says, For I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and she has that completely written out on the bottom of her website, and I get tears in my eyes, and I looked at my husband and I said, Okay, I think I'm gonna trust God now. Because obviously He's in control of this. That was it was a little sign to me that was like, Hey, I've got this. And I was so thankful in that moment because it brought me back to a place of trust, which is what I kept praying for, that I would just trust him throughout this whole process. Whatever happened, that I would just trust him. So we prayed, um, and prayed that she would be who we needed in those next few hours. Um, and so things progressed a little bit, and um, I was having really, really intense back labor. And at that point, I didn't really understand what was going on first pregnancy. And so we called her the new doula, um, or midwife, I should say, and she talked to me on the phone and uh looked at the timing of the contractions and and she had kind of realized he was um posterior. And so I was having just really intense back labor. And so she gave us a couple of different positions to try and different things and and said, okay, I'm on my way. Like, um, so she was there, I think she got there around 2, 2 30, I would say. And um, because she was a midwife, we our original plan had to was to stay home as long as possible, um, labor as long as possible at home, because we had heard the sooner you go into the hospital, the sooner interventions can start um happening.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

That's yep.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Um, so I was like, I'm just gonna stay home as long as possible. And then because she was a midwife, she was able to perform exams. So that allowed me to stay home even longer because we kind of could time things a little bit better. Yeah. Um, I know, you know, exams don't tell you everything, but we had more information than we would have.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

So was she like a home birth midwife or like a hospital midwife or what was she?

SPEAKER_01 18:46

She's a home birth midwife. So um I'm from we live in Bakersville, California, and here we we don't have any hospital midwives. Hot midwives are not um allowed to perform as a midwife in the hospital. We can have doula, but midwives are not allowed to perform in the hospital.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Oh, wow, I didn't know that. Okay, so definitely a home birth midwife then. Cool.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Yes. So she um she does home births, and so she was she doesn't normally act as a doula because what midwife would once, you know. And so um she acted as my midwife at home, and then once we got to the hospital, then she she switched over to doula mode. Um, so she checked me at that point, and she she was like, Okay, like we've got some time, you know. So the three of them, my my husband, my mom, and the doula all kind of took turns caring for me and helping me um work through the labor, which was pretty intense. Um, and then about six o'clock, I was feeling some pressure. And um, she said, Okay, let's let's check you. Um it actually, I think it was, I want to say maybe five, and she Checked me and I was like at a seven or an eight, and she was like, Okay, like we need to probably get things going. Um, we need to maybe think about leaving. And so to me, she was very calm and like, okay, like maybe we need to go to the hospital now. And so I was like, Okay, I'm gonna take a shower first. And like, so I, you know, wanted to get a shower and get dressed. And I remember her knocking on the door when I was in the shower. My husband was helping me, and he poked his head out. And I know this now, he didn't tell me right away, but she was like, Hey, we need to go, like, this is moving quicker now, and we need to get her to the hospital, so like get her out of the shower. So he very sweetly was like, Honey, like, we need to go right now, and so I was like, Okay, whatever, you know, like uh working through those contractions, and we drove to the hospital, which was one of the hardest drives of my life.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Um intense. Something about being trapped in a car. Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

I don't know, it's just it makes it so much worse.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

It really does.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Every red light is so much longer, and it's just it's miserable. We only lived about 10 minutes from the hospital, so it really wasn't bad. We get to the hospital, and the nurse, I didn't expect at the hospital for them to take me away from everybody to do triage, um, which kind of caught me off guard. And so they pull me into triage, and and as they're pulling me in, she said, at your last doctor's appointment, how dilated were you? And I was like, Zero. Because at my last doctor's appointment, I was zero. And my midwife like yelled into the room. She's like, She was at an eight an hour ago. And the the nurse was like, You need to tell us that, like, immediately when you come in. So they like skipped triage completely and just put me in a bed and checked me. And I was at a nine plus at that point. And so they're like, Oh, okay, like we are doing this right now. And I remember one of the nurses, um, she leaned over to me and she said, How many babies have you had? And I said, Oh, this is my first. And she said, she laughed and said, No, seriously, how many babies have you had? And I said, No, I've this is my first. And all of a sudden the nurses were all talking about it and just amazed at how controlled I was and like how calm I was. Um, I don't remember being very calm. I was, you know, in in very much active labor. And it was just kind of one of those moments where it was like, okay, like I can do this. Um, you know, God is with me. So um I remember at home we had started my playlist. Um for each child, I created a worship playlist. Um, so I had that playing at home and then um moved that to the hospital room, had the lights dimmed and turned on my playlist, and I'm in very, very active labor, and they checked me right away, and they noticed the nurse noticed that I wasn't completely dilated, I had a little bit left. So they had me get on a peanut ball and um kind of go side to side on that, and that's when things got really hard. And I was laying there laboring, and my husband was on one side of me, and my doula slash midwife was on the other side of me. And I remember she started singing to the worship music and just very calm and very, oh, this might make me cry. Um, very calm, calming, and very quiet. But I remember in that moment she sounded so much like my sister. And my sister lives in China um and wasn't there with me, and so it was just such a comforting moment. Um, and I truly think that was another thing that God blessed me with that that she was not who I wanted, um, but she's exactly who I needed in those moments. So that was that was a a very special moment. Um, and then the pressure got really intense, and I told the nurse, I said, I am feeling pressure, I am pushing, and she was like, No, no, the doctor's not here yet, don't push yet. And I said, No, I'm not pushing, but I'm pushing, like it's happening. And she was like, Okay, hold on one second. Checked, his head's right there. We're having this baby right now, and so they paid the doctor, and I remember um the nurse hit the thing and called for the doctor, and I remember hearing they were like, Wait, what? We missed that, and my husband yelled, like, we need a doctor. And so they were like, Well, she can't come right now, like she's she's in a delivery, and they were like, We can't hold on, like we need a doctor. And so the doctor walked in and I had she basically walked in to catch my son. Um, I think I pushed for six minutes, maybe six pushes, and there he was. Um, and actually, just before that, let me go back. When my when I wasn't dilating the rest of the way, um, and they checked me, one of the nurses accidentally broke my water. Um yeah. Um, and I at that point I was like, oh, she it was a complete accident. Like, but my husband watched what happened and he said that was not an accident. Um, and we had kind of had an issue with this nurse kind of wanting to do some things that I was not comfortable with. Um, and so she broke my water. But again, like it was definitely part of God's plan because my son had Mick in his water, and so they called for NICU at that point and said, we have to have NICU here. So the NICU team runs in. I'm stressing, my husband starts stressing because this is not the plan. This is this is not how we want things to go. Um, and so we start to pray, and we're just asking God to to help us to trust him again and and to do whatever our son needs. And so he's born and they whisk him away. I barely get I like I reach down and touch his head and then they whisk him away to have him checked. And my husband, I remember he was kind of like not sure if he should stay with me or go with the baby. And I I was like, go with the baby, like go. And at that moment, the doctor came up to me and she had taken her gloves off and she put her hand on my cheek and she said, she leaned in and said, You did so good. And it was such a comfort for me because my baby was somewhere else, and my husband was over there, and I have my doula with me, but I'm feeling a little bit alone in that moment because I just had a baby and I can't touch him. And I remember being so comforted by the doctor in that moment because she didn't have to do that, but she was just so sweet and so caring. And then before I knew it, they were laying my son on my chest and he was cleared, his lungs were good, and he was crying, and it was just the most beautiful moment to finally have him laying on my chest. Um, and it was just everything was good, and we we thanked God for everything, even though things didn't go according to our plan exactly, God was in control and and we trusted him and we just kept praying because that's all we were able to do.

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Wow. First of all, just bravo. Bravo, first time mama having this natural unmedicated hospital birth. That's incredible. Thank you. How how long did you end up being at the hospital before he was born?

SPEAKER_01 27:56

An hour and a half.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

Okay, so it went quickly.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yes, it was very, very fast.

SPEAKER_00 28:02

What time was he born then?

SPEAKER_01 28:04

He was born at 7 Eleven, and we had gotten it was just a little less than an hour and a half, because I think we got to the hospital right at about six o'clock. So it was it was very quick.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

Yeah, that is wow. So then, um, how did postpartum go then? I mean, that sounds like such a I mean, honestly, a very smooth and other than maybe that one nurse, pleasant experience.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yeah, it it went really, really well. Um, overall, I didn't suffer with any postpartum depression or or postpartum anxiety. Um, I had the baby blues a little bit. Um, and so things went really well. I think a lot of that has to do with how much help we had. We had l we were living with my parents at the time, and so everything else was taken care of. So all we really had to focus on was caring for this new life. Um and so I mean, I would be resting in bed and food would just be brought to me. Like I didn't have to think about any of that, and so that was a huge, huge help for us.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Um that's how it should be.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Yeah, exactly. That's what we should be doing for people. Um, and then breastfeeding started really, really hard for us. Um, the first three weeks of my son's life, I'm not sure if he ate anything. Um, he was starting to lose weight and he things were just really, really difficult. And I remember so often during those those few weeks of postpartum, the early weeks I should say, we turned to prayer. Um and really deep, hard prayer. Like this was all we could do. This was the last and the first place we could turn, really. Like, but we didn't know what else to do. Um, there was a night I remember it was 2 a.m., 3 a.m. My husband's sitting on the floor sobbing. I'm sitting in bed sobbing, and my son is screaming. And we don't know how to help him because I'm trying to nurse and it's just not working. And I the next morning I remember I texted my best friend and I said, I don't know what to do. I can't get him to nurse, it's not working, I'm done. Like, I can't do this. And she said, I'm on my way. So she came over, she has had three children um and has breastfed them all. And she came over and physically got him to latch and propped me up. I was, you know, pillows everywhere and all sorts of things just to get him in the right position. And that sweet boy ate like he had never eaten before. Um, and I mean, nursed for probably an hour before he was like, okay. And for the first time in three weeks, I saw him relax. And I remember praying, like thanking God for my friend, but also like, okay, God, like, help me through this because we can do this, but I need I need help. Yeah. And I need to accept the help. Um, because before that, you know, we had seen a lactation consultant, and I was like, okay, fine, like, appreciate it, but you're not doing exactly what I want to do. Like, and so I I didn't really accept the help up until that point with the lactation issues. Um, but after that, it was like night and day. I finally had somebody who was invested in me, and I knew, cared about me and my son so much that she was not walking away until she knew I was okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

Um, and I think that's also extremely important for people is to have somebody who is like that, a friend who is going to step in and say, I see you're not okay. I'm not leaving until you are okay. And and that was such a beautiful gift from God as well. And and she's one of my she's my closest friend, and I adore her. And and in that moment, it was like, I'm here for you, and and this is what we're doing.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

What a good friend she is.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

So it was his latch then, like it was, it was his latch, which is interesting because we at that point we had kind of had him um assess for a tongue tie, but I didn't know of anybody in our town who even handled that. And so I just was like, this is what it is, okay. Um, and I think now he has grown out of that, he has no issues with tongue tie anything, but I think we could have benefited from somebody who understood tongue ties a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02 33:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:02

Um, because my daughter has we'll get to that, but my daughter has had a a similar issue. It was a tough road there for a few weeks, but he nursed after that and and he nursed for a very long time and and finally had to cut him off eventually, but but um we did we did really well after that.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

Well, good. That's great. I'm so glad God put that friend in your life. That's incredible.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

Me too.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

Okay, so if he's six and she's one, several years, I guess, went by.

SPEAKER_01 33:35

Um we we waited quite a while again. Um, between we were in the process. I was still working up until he was about three, and then we were buying a house, and then we started homeschool, and it was just like, it's not the right time, it's not the right time. And then we finally were like, okay, we are going, we're going to do this. It's it's time. Um, and just before, I love I love this part of the story, but just before we had really decided, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna start trying, we hadn't told anybody that we were even having this conversation. But my son, who was four-ish at the time, started praying, thank you, God, for my baby sister. And we kept hearing him do this and and in his Bible class, um, he at that point, I wasn't teaching Bible class, I usually am, but um, his Bible class teacher came to me and said, Hey, uh, I don't know if you want people to know yet, but he's talking about his baby sister, and I was like, I'm not pregnant, like, I don't know what he's talking about. And he just was insistent, like, thank you, God, for my baby sister. And and we would tell him, like, baby, mommy doesn't have a baby. Um, and he said, God's giving me a baby sister. We're like, Okay, buddy, like, mommy doesn't have a baby. And so then we ended up getting pregnant fairly um quickly after that whole thing started. And he kept saying, Thank you, God, from baby sister. And I I was trying to, uh, you know, a four-year-old level, like explain, if it's a baby sister, we're gonna love her very much. But if it's a baby brother, we are gonna love him just as much. It's okay if it's a baby brother. And he said, No, mama, it's a baby sister, God's giving me a baby sister, and he was just convinced that we were gonna have a baby sister.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Um, and sounds like a prophet, right?

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Turns out we got a baby sister, and right after we found out it was a little girl, he told me, he said, I told you, mama, like God is giving me a baby sister. And so that was just such a cool moment. He he was so in tune to that and just so confident in his prayer. Um, and I think we all need to be that same way, like just knowing if we are praying for it, that God loves us and he wants us to pray and ask him for things, and he's gonna answer those prayers. Um, maybe not necessarily, you know, always how we want, but if we have faith like little children, like we're told, um, amazing things happen. So um that was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

But um I need to get him to talk to my oldest daughter. She's been praying for a baby sister for like eight years now. Yeah, and she has four baby brothers.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

She's but she still has the faith. She's it hasn't deterred her yet. So we'll see.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

That's funny. Um, so with her pregnancy, um, we decided to do things very differently. My husband at that point was like, okay, I'm on board, I'm I'm in this with you. Let's go the more natural, holistic route. So I ended up finding a midwife here um who runs a birth center, and our options were at the birth center or at home. Um, she was fine with either, either one worked, and um, we decided at the birth center would be better just because of of all the variables and trying to have things in our house and just she was it September was gonna be a really busy month for her, and so it just ended up being better overall for us to go to the birth center. But my pregnancy overall with her was so much more difficult. Um, I was sick almost immediately. I think that's how we realized I was pregnant. I was I was sick very quickly and very, very sick. Um, I had very low energy and I I was getting sick every single day. And so my husband was like, hey, like we need to take a test. And so we did, and sure enough, I'm pregnant. And from that point on until she was born, I was sick every single day. Um, and it was exhausting to the point of like I have to carry bags with me everywhere we go because smells set me off, um, looking at things, moving too quickly, all sorts of things would would set me off. Um, and it was just what it was, and so there was a lot of times where I was like, I can't handle this, this is too much. And so um it was a long pregnancy, and I still really enjoyed being pregnant, but it was much harder on me than um my first one, and then I realized, oh, this is why people don't have a million babies, because pregnancy is really, really hard. Um, and it could have something to do with my age. I'm not a big believer in geriatric pregnancy. Um, not a huge believer in that, but I had her when I was 36, um, and I had my son at, you know, early 30s. So it could have been something to do with that, but also could just be she's a girl and things are different and it's a different pregnancy.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

I also think sometimes it has to do with depletion of nutrients and minerals in our bodies from already having had a baby in nursing that baby for so long. And then yeah, and then going into having another one. It's like, wow, I feel like the statistic is like you give 20% away of your minerals or it's something around there to your baby, and it takes however many years to like fully replenish those. And if you're nursing, like you know, they're not being fully replenished, and so it can make subsequent pregnancies more difficult, yeah, for sure. So it's like rather than age more so like The fact that you had already had a baby.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Yeah. And I think like for women like you who have had multiples in just not very long, I can't imagine. Like I'm drained. Um, you know, I have an almost 14 month old and a six-year-old. And like you said, my nutrition, my my um minerals, all of those things are are much lower than normal. And um, and I've only had two pregnancies. So um I salute those of you who have had more than that.

SPEAKER_00 40:31

Yeah, I live in a constant state of depletion, that is for sure.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

Depletion and exhaustion is just where we live.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

Yeah, it's the season of life right now.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

It is, it is so yeah, it was it was a much more difficult pregnancy, but I did really love that we went with a midwife because things just went differently. I wasn't forced into fighting for the lack of interventions throughout my whole pregnancy or or tests or different things. My midwife was kind of like, here are your options, whatever you choose is fine. Um, and even my appointments were so much different. You know, with my son, it was like, you you go in, you get weighed, the doctor comes in, okay, see you later. Like, and it's you know, a 10-minute appointment. And with my midwife, it was like, we go in, I did my own urine tests and um just let her know if anything was funky. And then we went and had a conversation and she checked on baby and we laughed and we talked and we visited, and most of my appointments were an hour, an hour and a half, just building that rapport and that relationship with her, and knowing that she truly cared about me and my family. And that was um one of the biggest blessings, I think, that we we had in those in those months. Um, because it really we we were able to slow down and focus on the care for for our daughter.

SPEAKER_00 42:09

Yeah. That is such a big part of of your prenatal care with a midwife is establishing that relationship and getting to know one another so you can feel like the safety and the trust and the comfort when it's time to have your baby.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 42:27

So let's let's hear how this one went down then. How far along were you this time?

SPEAKER_01 42:32

Um, so this time I was 40 weeks and I wanna say three days. Um and I expected to kind of go early because my son went early and I was like, um, and and I think you know, people will tell you, um, like, oh, you look like you're about to pop, like, oh, you've dropped, or or whatever. And so you kind of have this expectation of I'm gonna go at any point. Um, and I really had to again trust that God was at the center, and and I I remember being really okay with whenever she was ready. Um, and I spent a lot of time in prayer just asking God to let her decide when she was ready to come. And if I went over, I went over, and I I remember people were like, Oh, you're you're overdue. Like, how are you feeling? Like, you're so anxious, and I was like, I'm really not, like, I really am okay. Because I know whatever God has for us, it's what he wants for us. So, like, we're good, you know? And so I was like 40 weeks and three days, and um I it it's interesting because I as I was looking over my birth stories last night, I thought of you because one of the first things I wrote down was asking God throughout the whole day to surrender to him. And I at the beginning of my day when when I went into labor, I didn't realize how much I would need to surrender to him. And so again, about three o'clock in the morning, I woke up to what was some Braxton Hicks. I had had some pretty intense pro drama labor um the past few weeks. Like a f uh a few weeks or a few times a week, I would text my midwife, like, hey, I I think something's happening. And she was like, Okay, like keep me updated. Um, but it was always nothing, it would always just go away. And so when I woke up at this point, I was like, okay, like it's probably nothing. We'll see. So I went back to sleep, and again, about 5 30, I it's interesting how the timeline worked out because it was so similar to my son. Um, and at about 5 30, I was like, okay, that's a big one. This is happening. So I got up, got out of bed, didn't wake my husband right away, and just went to the living room. And um, we're in our own house now. So so I was in the living room and started to to labor in there. I laid down on the couch to see if I could get some sleep, and I um used the Christian hypnobirthing um app, which was beautiful. I used it all through my pregnancy as well. Um, but used used that. So I set that up and just got kind of cozy and and listened to that throughout. And it wasn't very long before my husband got up and and knew what was going on, came in and said, Okay, is this happening? And I was like, This is happening. So we prayed that again we would surrender to God's plan and that he would help me through um and help this baby. And so my husband went back to bed. I was like, you know what, go back to bed for a couple hours. Like it could be a long day. So he went back to bed and our son got up about eight and came in um and saw me on the couch and just knew, like, oh, okay. So um we snuggled um through some some of my contractions. And um we I think at about 11, I got up and ate some food and kind of got on the birth ball and started walking and things.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

Did you scarf a bunch of scrambled eggs again?

SPEAKER_01 46:22

No, I didn't. I uh I couldn't even look at eggs this pregnancy. Oh yes. Um that was not a not a thing that was happening. Um, but actually, this pregnancy, um, I craved bananas and I hated bananas before. And like one day early in my pregnancy, I remember I was standing in the kitchen eating a banana, and my husband looked at me and was like, What are you doing? I don't know, the baby wants it. Um so I ate a little bit here and there and was on the birth ball and different things, listening to my worship music and switching off with the the um Christian hypnobirthing. And so at about, I would say maybe 11:30, 12 o'clock, we texted the midwife and she was like, okay, you know, keep me updated. Like it was so calm and easy and and no pressure. And then at about 2:30, I started feeling some pressure. Um, so we called my midwife and called my um friend who was my stand-in doula. She's not trained, but she is just so comforting. This is another friend of mine. Um, and so she came to the birth center, met us at the birth center, and because of California law, in order to stay at the birth center, it's basically like checking into the hospital. She can't let you stay and labor there until you're seven centimeters.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_01 47:49

Yeah. So she checked me and I was only at a two.

SPEAKER_00 47:54

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

Hey, like, you need to go home. Like, go home and rest and get some sleep and come back in a couple of hours. And I was so discouraged because I felt like my second baby, I should know my body. I've done this before. I should have a good understanding of where I am. Um, and so I went home very discouraged. And I remember my husband praying that this was all on God's plan and that we surrendered to him. And um, so we went home and my husband laid me in bed and said, just try and get some sleep. Let's just try and get some sleep. My mom had come over and taken my son with her for the day. So it was just us at home, and we laid, we both laid back down in bed, and I slept like this piece washed over me, and I just fell asleep for probably two hours.

SPEAKER_02 48:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 48:54

Yeah. And I woke up to some pretty big contractions, and my husband got up and we he, you know, was helping me hydrate and eat here and there and on the birth ball and and doing, you know, all the movements and things to to get through labor. And then at about 5:36, I was feeling some some deep pressure, like it's go time. So we called the midwife, and she's like, she she actually listened to me through my contractions, and she was like, Okay, it's time. Like, let's go. So we get to the birth center, and our friend met us there, and the midwife, she checked me, and I was at a seven plus. Um, and they filled up the birthing tub for me. And so um I got in there, and for the next few hours I labored in the birth tub, and the water was so incredibly comforting, the warmth of it, and it it really was was helping me. But at this point, I had been in labor for quite a while. With you know, with my first, I it was a 14-hour labor, and I was I was done almost at this point. And with this one, I had been in the birth tub for like two hours. It was about eight o'clock, um, eight, eight, nine o'clock, maybe the timing at this point is kind of hazy. Yeah. Um, but I've been in there a couple of hours, and my midwife said, Can you can you feel her head? Like, cause because it should be happening, like the way that your contractions are going, like, you should be feeling her head, like she should be descending. And I couldn't. I I I didn't, you know, it wasn't happening, it wasn't progressing. And so I had been falling asleep between contractions. I was so exhausted at that point. So she had me get out of the tub and she checked me again, and she noticed that I wasn't dilating again, just like with my son. Um, but we tried the peanut ball and that wasn't working. And so she said, okay, I I at that point I was getting sick with every contraction. And she said, Okay, first of all, I think we need to start an IV just for hydration. And so we started the IV and I fell asleep for a couple of minutes. Like I was able to fall asleep. And I woke up to a really, really big contraction. And she checked me again, and I wasn't dilating completely. And she decided we we talked through it. I should, I should say that, not decided, but she she asked if we would be okay if she broke my water to get things to progress a little bit more. And so we decided that that would be the best um situation going forward. And so she broke my water and still I wasn't dilating. And so she ended up doing some manual um adjustments. Um, yes. Oh, and that was the most painful of it all. Um, and I remember just being in prayer. That's that's I just had to be in prayer that whole time because it was so painful. Um, and you know, I'm contracting at the same time. So it wasn't a fun experience. Um and then I right after that, I I felt the need to go to the bathroom. And so my husband and my best friend moved me to the bathroom, dragging my IV pool, like get me to the bathroom, and I I felt like, oh, I need to bear down, I need to push. And so I got back to the bed and they had me on um kind of all fours, but on a a U-shaped blow-up pillow. Um, and so I was kind of leaning over that. And within probably two minutes of being in that position, I could feel her descending very quickly. And I remember just before she started, you know, to come out, I remember crying out to God asking him to take it because I couldn't do it anymore. It's okay. And I couldn't, I couldn't handle it anymore. And in that moment, she was she came out, and I I remember hearing my midwife say her hand is in her face. And which makes so much sense now why things weren't progressing because the stinker had her hand, you know, in her face, and so that made things more difficult. But after that, she was there and I picked her up and I brought her to me, and and I was so thankful that everything just went the way it was supposed to, and that God really I mean, I really had to surrender to him and and let him take control because I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it by myself. Um, and so I thought when you when when I heard about your podcast and the name of it, I was like, oh, this is this is the story. Like this is where my plans and and my wants and everything went out the window because it was all on him and and there was no power in me to handle this. It was I just had to give it to him and and be okay with that. And I I kissed her and and laid her on my chest and she nursed right away, and and it was just such a different experience because I was the first person to touch her. And I mean, I I picked her up and brought her to me, and it was just it was such a beautiful moment, um, almost sacred in in the sense of God created this this little baby inside of me, and now she's in my arms and she's mine, and it was just it was pretty special.

SPEAKER_00 55:02

I had all the goosebumps while you were telling me about having to give it to him and then she came out. Like it was just like, ugh, I love birth stories.

SPEAKER_01 55:10

Uh me too. So good. And I I I'll go back just really quickly, but um, there was another moment of complete surrender. When my midwife started my IV, she knew I had been in labor at that point like 16 hours.

SPEAKER_02 55:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:27

And I was exhausted and I was sick, and I, you know, it was just there wasn't a lot of options for us. And she said, okay, um, I was laying in the bed and my husband was next to me, and she said, if things don't progress, we have a couple of options, but we need to start thinking seriously about a transfer. Um, and that was my biggest fear in all of this was that I would have to be transferred and things would then really be out of my my control and and I would just have to go with whatever was happening. And there was no discussion between my husband and I. Um, because I think we had had these conversations up to that point, like whatever she says, we're okay with. We trust her enough to know if she says transfer, that that's what we're doing. And so we didn't have to have that conversation. But I I remember he reached over and he took my hand and he bowed his head. And I was praying to my, you know, in my own head, and I know he was doing the same. And I looked around the room, and my best friend has her head bowed. And my midwife and her student midwife, who's her daughter, was there as well. And and they both have their heads bowed and they're holding hands. And I knew without anyone saying anything, what everybody was praying for. And the fact that everyone turned to him in that moment of, okay, God, like, we need you. A piece washed over me, like I cannot explain to you. And that's when things started to progress. And so it was like in quick succession, there's these two really big moments of, okay, whatever you decide, God, I'm okay with because I know you love me and I know you have control of this. So I'm gonna let go and I'm gonna let you. And and that's when things happened. So it was it was just these beautiful moments of complete surrender, um, where yeah, it wasn't exactly in my plans. And and I am, I like to have plans. Um, and it was just an interesting way for God to say, okay, you you need to let it go and let me handle this.

SPEAKER_00 57:43

Yeah. And that, I mean, that's something I try to tell so many women, like clients, you know, birth tool of clients or like students in my class and stuff, is just that it is wonderful to have desires, and it's so wise to be prepared and to have a plan and you know, to have this idea of how you want things to go. But ultimately, trying to control it is what's going to bring you, you know, all that anxiety. But like you said, when you when you say, Okay, God, and you let go and you surrender, and you just like you were talking about, you get that supernatural peace that he gives you. To me, I would so much rather have God's peace and have his will be done, even though it's not my exact plan, than to be filled with anxiety while I'm trying to control things and make it go my way. Especially in labor. Like, especially in labor.

SPEAKER_01 58:49

I always think, you know, and I I do this to myself because I do, I like to make plans, I like things to go my way, I like to be in control of those things. Um, but every single time I make a plan and God has a different plan, his plan is so much better than than I could ever dream. It's it's just so much better. With my son, you know, I get this midwife who is exactly who we needed in those moments, who is such a godly person and is such a comfort in those moments. And, you know, with my daughter, it it ends up being exactly what he wanted, and and she's here safely, and you know, all the things just just fit into place so well and so much better than I I could have planned it. And it's a lesson in letting go of my plans because again, his plan is so much better.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

You know, I was thinking how odd it was that your second labor was longer than your first. Yeah. Because so many times, especially in your first labor, all in all, really wasn't that long, like compared to a lot of first-time moms. So it's like, you know, I'd kind of as at least as a birthday, in my head, I'd be estimating that you would have more like a you know six to eight hour labor the second time around. And so that was that was different. But then as soon as you said she had her hand by her face, I was like, oh, there it is. There's the reason.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:28

Yeah. Right there. It's interesting because the whole time leading up, my midwife was like, okay, like I was like, when do I come in? And she's like, you'll know. Like, um, she said, Don't wait too long, you know, second baby, and your first labor wasn't very long. Like, you should get here, you know, it's gonna be pretty quick. And so we were convinced, like, from early on, that I was gonna have a very quick and easy labor. Um, and it just wasn't the case. And with my first, you know, it was 14 hours, and with my daughter, it was 17 hours. Um, and she was born at 10, no, 1159 and 59 seconds.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

Are you serious?

unknown 1:01:06

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:07

So she was right, right in there on on the um September 21st is when she was born.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:13

So um it was so does she like the Earth, Wind, and Fire song? We do, we do too. I love that song too. So you were talking about before how her breastfeeding journey was a little bit different because you were more aware of like tie issues. So, how did that go?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:32

So, we noticed early on that she was having some symptoms of tongue ties, and I started doing a lot of research. I'm a big researcher, so we started doing a lot of research and noticed like, okay, she's got some of these symptoms. She had some uh reflux really badly, and she um was very uh we joke because when she was born, she like had no neck. Um, and so we think that's part of having to do with she was kind of stuck, her hand was in her face, and so there was a lot of tension there. Um, and so we very quickly started with chiropractic care um and then myofascial therapy. Um, we had a lactation consultant that would come to the house and she taught me different stretches to do, and um we worked on her a lot. I mean, there was a lot of care for her, um, a lot of stretching, a lot of um exercises and different things. And we saw a um, I found a uh tongue tie specialist in town, and they kind of jumped very quickly to okay, let's snip it, like or let's laser cut it, you know, and and we can do that today and let's go. And I was like, hold on, like let's slow down a little bit. And we continued to do the therapy and different things, and she had great results within just a few weeks. Um, her latch was getting deeper and she was not having as much reflux, and the symptoms started to go away. Um, and I think looking back now, I think my son probably had similar issues, and I just was unaware of the tongue tie, you know, problem at the time. Um, but thankfully she's doing great now, and and we have no issues with that whatsoever. So it's been good.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:23

That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:26

Do you feel like your postpartum? Because it's a little bit different because you weren't living with your parents anymore. Right. So you didn't necessarily have that help. And you have, you know, this other child now who also needs you. So um, how did your postpartum go then overall?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:42

So with this one, I was pretty adamant um to do the five, five, and five um rule.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:50

And can you explain the rule real quick for people who don't know?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:53

Absolutely. So it's um five days in your bed and then five days on your bed, which means you can move around your your room a little bit here and there, um, but not anything real strenuous, and then five days around your bed, which means like get to the living room, get yourself a snack, um, slowly moving, but nothing nothing outside of that. No like going for strenuous walks or anything um outside of your house or big errands or anything. And I feel like that really helped my recovery because I was forced to slow down. I couldn't jump up with my six-year-old and and go play with him. And so we we made it very important to have one-on-one time with him even while I was down. So my husband or my mom would take the baby and I would have my time with my son to reconnect and and have those times even while I was while I was resting. And and my son is probably one of the most caring kids you could ever meet. And so he was very doting um and understanding of okay, this is what mama needs to do. And so he would uh lay with me while I nursed her and and lay with me while she slept, and and he was just very doting, and so he wasn't super affected by the fact that I was I was down, he just kind of accepted like this is what we need to do for mama and the baby, and so that was really good. Um but we did my parents were invaluable um the whole time. They they only live a few minutes up the road, and so they were always here helping with cleaning and cooking and taking my son and and all the things. So we still had um a lot of help, which I think is is so important in those postpartum time in that time period, you know, of those first few weeks, like we had talked about. It is it's what we should be doing for people and it's what's going to help women heal and and help avoid the postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety because you're checking in on people, um, and I think that's really important too.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:55

So what do you feel like? I mean, I know you've told us about God teaching you to trust him and God teaching you to surrender to him and all of those things, but if you could say anything else about your experience and um have any sort of advice or any like wisdom you would want to pass on to other people, be it about the Lord or just about something about birth in general, what would you say?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:22

Um I would probably say prayer life is the most important thing. Our relationship with the Father through prayer and through spending time in the Word is vital to our walk with Him. Um, and I know how busy life gets. And with my second pregnancy, it was really, really hard. I was I you know, I was sick most of the time. And it's still if we make that a priority, our life is different and and things change and and our relationship with him gets closer and closer the more time we spend with him. And I think that is just the most important thing um for our walk through life and and not just pregnancy, but raising children and and being wives and mothers and Christians. It's just our relationship with him is is the most important thing, and we have to make that a priority.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:25

Yeah, absolutely. In every season of life, but then yes, especially with pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, just the actual the extra impact it can have being in such a close relationship with him. Terry, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:40

Thank you so much, Kayla. This has been fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:44

This has been fantastic on my end. I'm just like sitting here like soaking it up. Like, okay, what other stories do you want to tell me while you're here?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:51

Thank you. I'm happy to share anything.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:55

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram or email me at contact at Surrendered Birth Services.com. Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting the follow button. Also, we'd love for you to leave a written review of the show so that more people's births and lives can be changed by the love of Jesus and the empowerment of accurate birth education. If you really enjoyed this episode in particular, please take a screenshot of it and post it to your Instagram story tagging Surrendered Birth Services. If you would like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, please click the link in the episode show notes to fill out your interest form. Also, if you're interested in taking my childbirth classes, birth consultations, or having me as your birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to my website for online and in-person options. Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice. So please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise. We hope you have a great week. And remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:25

It is, yeah, it's 8.15. We um we're getting ready after this to go to homeschool co-op. We have a big activity today.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:32

So fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:34

Yeah, it's funny because when we scheduled this, I didn't know, I guess, know where you lived or where you were calling from. And so then you said California, and I was like, oh shoot, it's like seven there. Like, good morning.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:46

But that's okay, we did it.