079: The Beauty Behind Leaving Our Plans In God's Hands (with Nicki Sipin)

Trying to plan a baby around our timeline almost never works out, because God’s time is not our time, but His time is the best time. Nicki had to trust the sovereignty of God when she became pregnant not only with her husband being gone for her entire first trimester of all day nausea and vomiting, but also with her husband being deployed during the end of her pregnancy, their baby’s birth, and the first three and a half month’s of their baby's life. You will be encouraged and lifted up in your faith today as you hear Nicki tell her story and how the best place to be is in the center of God’s will!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I remember just being like so many times thinking, like, I can't do this anymore. Like this has got to like end. And I I remember feeling that particularly in the middle of one contraction and hearing God's voice breaking through all of that, being like, this is your last contraction, like that's going to feel like this. And I was like, that's really weird. And also I don't know if I believe that. And then like the very next contraption, my body just started pushing.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Hi, I'm Kayla Heater, follower of Jesus, wife and mother of five children, Christian childbirth educator in doula, and your host of the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, where we share God-centered birth stories, evidence-based birth education, and our pursuit of surrendering our birth plans to God. Let's get started. Hey everyone, I hope your week is off to a beautiful start. We had um some snow this past week, which was fun, and I'm pretty sure it's the last of it. I mean, you never know, but I'm I'm pretty sure that was it. They they yeah, of course, ramped it all up. Like it's oh, we're gonna get like five to some inches or three to five inches, which is a lot for around here. Um, and we got less than an inch, but it was still fun. We had a snow day, we made a fire, made some cinnamon rolls, had hot cocoa, all you know, all the snowy day things. It was lovely. We watched a movie after they, you know, played in the snow for a while. Pete's Dragon. I never it was like the I guess real life version of that. It was on Disney, came out in like 2016, I think. But oh my gosh, in the beginning, it was so sad. His parents died in a car crash and he was abandoned in the forest. And I'm like, that's I was like sitting there thinking of it as like a parent. I'm like, this is so depressing, so sad. But my kids, I don't know, they liked it. They liked the little boy lived in the forest with the dragon, they thought it was really cool. So, anyways, it has a happier ending, of course, but you know, not before everyone in the village tries to kill the dragon, the village. I mean, it's like set in the 70s, but anyways, okay, I'm like getting way off topic here. Anyways, we had a snow day and it was great, and now we're looking forward to spring weather. I know we're in February, but it's North Carolina and the spring weather is coming. I looked, it's supposed to be in the 60s and sunny all next week, so I'm excited just to be able to be outside easier, you know, not having to put a bunch of coats and scarves and hats and gloves on. We can just like go outside. So I'm super excited about that. I'm also excited, my spring childbirth class is officially full, it is jam-packed. We cannot squeeze any more couples into that class, which is bittersweet. I'm like so grateful for that. Um, but at the same time, I've had a few more couples reach out and I can't, you know, get them into the class. But the good news is we are going to be launching our online, on-demand childbirth class. So this is my same exact class that I teach in person. It is the same content, same material, same length. It's just, we filmed it last summer of me teaching the class live. So it is this the exact same content. It is just going to be online. So you will be able to go through it. You'll have the same handouts. There'll be a PDF that you know you'll have to print out yourself, but um, same exact notes, same exact resources, all the things, it'll just be an online version. Um, so for those of you who either don't live in the triad of North Carolina and cannot come to the in-person class, or if you didn't make it into the in-person class because it's already filled up, or if your schedule just does not work out to come to the in-person class because you can't do Sunday nights, which is when I teach the class, then this would be the next best option for you. I do always advise people to take an in-person class if they can, because maybe that's just my style, but I learn way better in person than I do online. Just something about like being in the room with other humans and being able to be, you know, hands-on and more interactive. I really enjoy that, but I understand we live in 2025, and that's not always possible. And sometimes people don't even prefer it. So I totally get that. You know, not everybody, not everybody is like me. So that is why we have created this course. My husband is diligently working um to finish editing it and getting it up and running, but it will be available this spring. We don't have an exact date yet, but this spring for summer, I mean for summer due dates, but for any due dates after that, um, it will be available. So if you are wanting to take this class and you're wanting to take the online version for any of the reasons I listed, it will be available soon. So please reach out to me if that's you, so I can get you on our list that I can, you know, notify you first when it's ready. So I do plan on running like a launch special, like a discounted launch special whenever um we officially launch it, just to have the first people go through it, which is super exciting. So reach out to me if that's you. And one thing you should note is that when you do take the online class, I will be hosting a monthly Zoom call live for those of you taking the online class if you have any questions you want to ask. So I know a lot of times I could be going through the material and the class, and because it's not like you know, live in person, you can't ask me your question right then. So if you have questions, just write them down and then I will do a monthly Zoom call um to answer those questions. All right, let's get into this week's episode. Trying to plan a baby around our timeline almost never works out because God's time is not our time, but his time is the best time. Nikki had to trust the sovereignty of God when she became pregnant, not only with her husband being gone for her entire first trimester of all day nausea and vomiting, but also with her husband being deployed during the end of her pregnancy, their baby's birth, and the first three and a half months of their baby's life. You will be encouraged and lifted up in your faith today as you hear Nikki tell her story and how the best place to be is in the center of God's will. Welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories. I am your host, Kayla Heater, and I have Nikki back with me today. Nikki was on the podcast in season one, episode 24. So I highly recommend going back and listening to that episode. But she shared her first story on the podcast in episode 24, and since then the Lord has blessed her with another child. So we get to hear her second birth story today, and I'm so excited. But for those people who aren't gonna go back and listen to the first one right now, Nikki, can you tell us um about you, your life, your family, and let us know who is sharing today?

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Yeah, um, thanks, Kayla. I am now a mom of two. So I've got a three-year-old little girl, Livvy, and I've got a seven-month-old little boy, Rafe. And I am so shocked that we are closer to a year than we are to the day that he was born. I it's probably with my first, I felt like the first year of life was like three years long. And not in like a terrible way, but it just is like, I feel like there's such a slowness when you have one child. I mean, probably depending on circumstances, if you're working or whatnot. But um, I work from home pretty consistently. So it just like, and you're so dialed in because everything's like, oh my gosh, she moved her finger, you know, like so. I just felt like her first year of life was like this like time was different, you know. And and with Rafe, it's like I feel like we just kind of like threw him in the shopping cart on our way, and like we just like he's just along for the ride, and and and it's yeah, man, it's so different. But um, yeah, he's he's he's been here for seven months already. So yeah, um, so other than having the two of them, I work um from home um for a missions organization called Triad. And their our focus is um reaching unreached people groups with the gospel. So we work a lot um with indigenous partners in the Middle East and Central Asia um and North Africa to bring the gospel to people that have never heard it before. So that's really fun, really fulfilling. I do copywriting and um kind of donor communication for them. Um I really like it, um, except sometimes I don't like working. But but if I'm going to work, it's a great, it's a great job. But um, yeah, I've I've really been enjoying that. We um we live in Southern California right now, which is where I grew up when I was smaller. Um absolutely loving it. My husband's in the military, um, and we're just blessed to be stationed out here. We are close to the beach. I am just like living California dream life right now. And I'm like, I'm telling my husband all the time, oh, I never want to leave. And he's like, I do, because he's like very much not a Californian from like a values standpoint, yeah. Right. He doesn't like to put up with all the politics and like all the things that I'm like, but the beach and the weather, like like it's like 67 degrees here in January and like sunny, and you know, wow it's amazing. Um anyway, yeah, so so that's kind of us. It's like just a little family of four with a cool dog, and that's it.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Live in the dream. Live in the dream one day at a time. And that's cool about who you work for, that missions organization. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Yeah, yeah. It's um it's fun to do like really fulfilling work. I didn't know until I got involved with them that such a small percentage of missions dollars and missionaries go to people that have never heard the gospel before. So it's like really cool emphasis to just think about people that are furthest from the Lord and trying to work to move the needle on that. So cool. I like to tell my tell my other team members I feel like the least important person on the most important team because our whole US team just supports the work that like people are doing internationally. So we're just like a fundraising and um kind of awareness like set of staff members and logistics on on the US side, and everybody else working out of Armenia is you know, doing all this incredible work. So I just feel honored to be like a part of it and like get to contribute in a small way, you know, as a mom of two whose focus is very much inside my home right now. It's very cool to have a little outlet to do something meaningful.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

So well, that's beautiful. I love it. Okay, let's hear this second birth story. Starting with the pregnancy and starting with maybe how old Libby was when you got pregnant. Okay. Was that the plan or was that God's plan?

SPEAKER_00 12:17

Always God's plan. It's just like we never always God's plan. We never get our say, really. Um, so we were in the process of moving in 2023 from um Jacksonville, North Carolina, where we were living, to Southern California. And like I said, we're really excited. We have family out here, so we're really excited to make the transition. Um, but he was transitioning out here and moving from a non-deployable job to a deployable job. So we knew there was kind of this deployment looming that was supposed to take place in like June of 2024. And we were kind of feeling like, okay, we're ready to have another kid. And so we were trying to plan it so we could like have the second birth before the deployment happened. So we started trying um in May or June of 2023. And um with Liv, like we were doing natural family planning and we did like we, you know, we her conception was just shocking because we were doing like all of the all of the things and like using condoms or abstaining when we were in ovulation window and like all of the things, and still she she came. So we were like, um, and so I just didn't think that we would have any trouble. Like I thought like them the very month, especially when you're not dealing with flushing hormones out of your body and like all of that. I just thought the month that we tried, we would just like get pregnant like that. And um, that did not happen. So we tried in May and in June and in July and you know, in in August. And I was just starting to be like it, it was very disheartening every single time. Like I got a period, and I felt so I felt so deeply emotional about it. And I felt at the same time like it just felt almost like I'm being dramatic, you know, like I just felt like it, I it almost wasn't okay for me to feel that upset about it because like I know people that have struggled with fertility on like a very real way and tried for years to conceive or like don't have any children whatsoever and all of that kind of stuff. So I was I was dealing with this very emotional, very disappointing situation. But at the same time, I just felt like I don't have any right to say that I'm sad or that I'm struggling or that I feel frustrated or disappointed with my body because like it's not that bad. Like, you know, you tried for three months and didn't get pregnant. So what? You know, like it can feel like very insensitive, but at the same time, like it was it was trying to navigate like that kind of frustration, disappointment, and and then just kind of having this deployment date looming and being like, geez, like our kids would be so far apart, you know, if we waited until after and like there'd be this huge age gap and all of the details. So we're we're going through that at the same time. We are prepping our house to sell. We are we are packing and moving and like all of the things. So there was there was a lot going on um toward the end of summer. We ended up moving in September. So August was like a a big month of selling the house and you know, packing up things and and moving across country. And so we got to California in um mid-September. Um, still wasn't pregnant, and I was just kind of like, I we're we're done, you know. By this point in time, his deployment had gotten moved up twice. So he had moved from June to April, from April to March. And I was just like, We're not, we're not doing this anymore. Like we're we're just gonna like pump the brakes on this. Like this is clearly not, you know, just not gonna happen right now. And so I was just kind of like in process of like getting in back into the the swing of tracking and and this and that. But it's like at the same time, everything was up in the air. We're like get moving into our house and stuff. And we found um a church out here in California that we started going to. And um, they have a very just vibrant um worship experience at this church. Um, and they uh very much have a faith-filled for miracles environment every Sunday during worship, which is so beautiful. Um, they will, you know, pray specifically for different types of people amidst worship services and and stuff like that. So I was I was there one Sunday and I was thinking about all of this, you know, kind of journey that I had been on trying to get pregnant and, you know, all of that. And it was like, you know, past my ovulation window for the month. And I knew like trying again would be like at all of this stuff. So I was just processing it and I was just like, you know what? I was sitting in that service and I said, you know what? If God wanted me to get pregnant, I could get pregnant tomorrow. Like he can move ovulation windows, he can make crazy things happen. Like he is sovereign. Like it just hit me so hard that like like he is he is sovereign overall. And if he says, if he speaks the word to your body, it happens, you know. Like, and I know that sometimes like we want the word spoken when the word's not being spoken. And like, and sometimes there are like real barriers in the spirit of that are trying to block God's best for our lives. So there's so there's so much that goes into that. But really, there was just this moment of faith that hit me that was just like, you know what? God doesn't need all of this tracking, he doesn't need all of this like bells and whistles. Like if he wanted to be like, you're getting pregnant now, like he he could make it, he could do it, you know. And then um, so that was kind of where I was at. And then Josh, my husband, was um he was getting ready to go um on a training op for like two months. So we got here mid-September. Um, the last week of September, he left and he didn't get back until two weeks before Thanksgiving. So um he was just gonna be gone for a really, really long time. So um he said goodbye. Um, and then I actually had, I had just been hired at the company that I work for, and I was going out to Parker, Colorado, where their headquarters is to get training there. And so I flew out there. Um, my sister was watching my um toddler. She was almost three at the time. She turns, she's a November birthday. So she was she was coming up on three. This was like early October, and I missed my period when I was out there um on hand. And I was like, okay, I was like, I'm not gonna get too like excited about this. I've been traveling, like things have been crazy. So then after, you know, I was out there almost a week and toward the end of my trip, I was just like, I'm just gonna take a pregnancy test. And it was positive. And I was like, oh my goodness, like this is this is absolutely crazy. And it was just such an interesting moment because literally, like two weeks before my missed period, which would have been like where ovulation happened, not when it was like supposed to happen or whatever, was the Sunday that I had had that experience in um in church. It was like September 24th, I believe it was. Like that that exact Sunday was like two weeks prior to when I missed my period or to when I took the test or something. Anyway, however, I backdated it. I was like, wow, right around, you know, within the span of a couple like a day or two, there. It was just such a gift of God being like, I see you. And like in that, in that moment in church, I felt like not only did he see me, but he saw me regardless. Like in that Moment, I didn't know like when baby number two was coming, or you know, even really if I just knew that if if God wanted it, God would. You know, I just had the faith to know that like when God wants to give you something, nothing can stop it. And I just so it was just really beautiful to see the promotion of that. I got back from my trip and started my my first trimester. My pregnancy with Liv was so smooth. I did not get sick at all. I hadn't like, I didn't have any issues or anything. Like I maybe was nauseous like twice if I like forgot to eat for a really long time. And this was so different. Oh my gosh. With Rafe, I I very quickly got some pretty intense nausea that like lasted all day. I was like working a new job, and we were 45 minutes-ish, depending on traffic, from where my parents lived in Santa Ana. Josh was gone and I just felt I was like almost completely non-functional. Like I just was sick. I felt like I couldn't be up on my feet. I felt like I couldn't make us food. Like trying to feed my toddler was just like I had so many food aversions. And sometimes I would get like a craving for something and would eat it and then like an hour later try to go back to like eat leftovers and be like, I can't, I can't ever eat that again as long as I live. Like I can't even think about that food. Like I just, I was like, I will never eat, you know, Korean noodles ever or whatever, whatever it was. And um, so yeah, it was it was just crazy because I think I had heard people talk about nausea and I just figured it was kind of like, you know, when you have the stomach flu or whatever, but it's like I think eating is such a part of life. And when that goes from being like a joy to being like a little bit of like a traumatic experience, like it it changes like your whole world. Like it is it affects like every moment of every day. And it was so challenging. And I just remember, um, you know, I have this little like almost three-year-old, and she's like kind of funding for herself. Like she is like I just had the cupboards full of snacks, the like applesauce and stuff that she would just like drag a little stool over there and like get in, like bring me on the couch to open. And I would drive into my parents' house whenever possible. And then it like um my mom's a nurse, so on the days that she was off, she really helped. Like, if I if I would drive into Santa Ana, she would help, you know, watch live and help her like eat regular meals and like all the things. But I was just like, I couldn't, I couldn't walk past my kitchen without like the memory of food making me feel sick. And it was yeah, I was like, man, this is like I just have so much more empathy. Now, I mean, I I I figured it wasn't fun before with the way that people talk about it, but now I know. Now I know firsthand. Um, luckily that faded um right around the end of the first trimester. So mine was a very typical morning sickness of just like as I started to peek into that second trimester, I you know, turned a corner. Um, Josh, um, my husband got back like right as I was coming out of that like nausea face. And it was just like you missed everything terrible. Like it was like, um, yeah. So we went into the second trimester and um we were deciding on a name, which we ended up with uh Rafe, R-A-I-F-E, Rafe Logan for a name. And um, Rafe actually means uh God is my healer. And um I had suffered a very um intense pelvic floor injury because I had a vacuum assist with my first. And so I had a pretty severe pelvic floor injury from that that had really tanked a lot of my physical fitness, had tanked a lot of my um, as somebody that just really enjoys activity, exercise, like I was um, I was into CrossFit before my pregnancy and just never able to like get back to to that after. And I was really nervous heading into my pregnancy that like having extra pressure on the pelvic floor would kind of just it would make everything really worse. And um just is really crazy, just you know, to to spoil the end of the story, but over the span of my pregnancy, things just kept getting better and better with my pelvic floor, which is so crazy. And it's just like even now, postpartum, it is it's the best it's ever been since my first pregnancy, like not perfect, but so much better. And it just was like really cool that you know, God dropping this name meaning to my husband who just liked the name. He was like, I just really like this name. And it just means it means God is my healer. And then, you know, in the process of like carrying this child experiencing a miracle of of healing in a in a place where you know something should be affecting you negatively, you know, was really affecting me positively in that way. So that was a huge, a huge miracle just within just dealing with so much frustration of not being able to do the things that are like normal things functionally, not being able to do anything, you know, physically intense, you know, and you know, sometimes it got so bad it's like I couldn't walk on uneven surfaces without having bladder leaks and like it was just it was crazy. And then it was and then it was healed. So that's it's just that that was a crazy thing to experience, like while being pregnant. Um so my husband was deploying in March, and um Rafe's due date was no June, it was June 16th. And so we knew like he wasn't gonna be around for the birth. Um, so it was as interesting navigating that. Um Liv's birth had been at a hospital, so we um we were at Naval Hospital with her, and um we had actually transferred, we were we were at transfer story from a birth center in town in Jacksonville, um, really just due to having a really bad experience day of with the staff at the birth center, not being supportive and um all of that, and opted for a hospital transfer um just because we were we were not treated very well by the staff at the birth center day of. So um, and it was a high intervention birth. So um heading into my pregnancy with Rafe, I was really struggling with the decision of what kind of care to seek. You know, I didn't want a high intervention birth. I didn't want one with my daughter, which is why we had chosen to go um the birth center route. But then, you know, the way things spiraled, you can check out the whole story in episode 24. Right. That thing spiraled. Um, it I knew that wasn't what I wanted. Um again. And I know that um opting for more, you know, holistic based based care, like home birth or birth centers, like tends to help those outcomes and like limit those interventions. But at the same time, I'd had such a bad experience at the birth center. And it's like with any kind of that kind of midwife care, you can't really opt for somebody else if it's not going right day out of. Like if you're in a hospital, like people probably a lot of people probably don't know this, but you can fire your nurses and doctors. You can just say, get out of here, give me somebody else. Like, and so I there was part of me that was like hesitant to seek that kind of care. And we were new to California, we're new to the area, so I didn't know anybody that knew anybody. I didn't have friends that had been like, oh, I used this doula or I had this, you know, whatever, this midwife. And and you know, every state's got different legalities. So it just felt like an overwhelming process to seek that kind of care. My mom actually works at the Naval Hospital that um is our care provider. And so she had recommended a couple of names of people that she was like, these people are really great. So I would just decided I'm gonna go to my first appointment at Naval with one of these docs that my mom had recommended. And I'm going to see if see if I like them, see if it like goes well. We gel, you know, whatever. It's and we'll go from there. So um my OB's name was Haley. Um, and she she just took a lot of time to listen to like my story, the first appointment, um, how things had gone with Liv, the kinds of things that had gone wrong, um, due to just like oversights by the hospital and and and how that had affected me. Um asked a lot of questions. Like, um, you know, she it was probably 15, 20 minutes that she spent listening, which was so interesting in a hospital environment. And I was like, okay, I don't know if she's doing this like as a favor to my mom. Like, I don't, you know, like I'm I'm probably getting a little bit of special treatment here, but like she really did ask about, you know, details about the previous birth and how that had affected and and all of that. So I was just like, okay, this, this, this feels good. We're we'll we'll go with this unless I feel like something else comes up, you know, it's like just kind of open-handed to the Lord. And and really just as I was praying through it, I was just like, God, I don't want to make a decision out of fear. Like, I don't want to choose any kind of care provider because I'm afraid of what's gonna happen in a hospital and having another intervention heavy birth, or I'm afraid of like not picking the right midwife and having a bad experience. Or, you know, so I just like I'm like it really was like a lot of trust in the Lord just to not make a fear-based decision, to make like a faith-based decision. And so um I connected well with my OB and I was just like, we're just gonna stay here. And um I I semi-seriously told everybody that I was having a fake home birth because I I really had set up my house to like with all of the the the birthing things as if you were going to birth there, but you were really just going to wait for there. Yeah, and it was just like if and then I was like, and if it gets to the point where it's like it's too late to, you know, like we're we're too far along and we have the baby at home, that's fine. Like I just in my mind, I was like, I was just like, we're just we're gonna be here. So I had I had things set up, and so I was I wasn't scared about having a baby at my house, partly because my mom's um a labor and delivery nurse. So, and partly just I was, you know, I'm I'm a pretty trusting person in general. Um, and then I was just like, but the hospital's like 20 minutes away. So I was just like, we'll just wait until it gets really intense, and then if if we feel like we can make it to the hospital, we'll go and we'll just we'll see what happens. And um in my mental prep, you know, there's I don't know, just so much of having gone through birth before, just feeling like I I now knew kind of the ways in which like I just didn't know how to prepare well. And so one of the things that I really focused on with this birth was that mental space of just like, you know, they say to like picture the space that you're giving birth, you know, or like to to think about all your positive memories, like draw them up, really enter into those spaces, get those positive endorphins flowing, and then think about you laboring in your birth space, you know, like picture yourself like walking around, picture, you know, like contractions coming so that when those when those things that you're picturing in your mind start to happen in real life, you have these like endorphins associated with them. And so I so I would do that, you know, I would have like I would put my toddler down for bed and I would, you know, like turn on, you know, a worship playlist and I would, you know, walk around my bedroom and the spare bedroom where I was like setting up for laboring, and I would, I would sit through and think of memories that I had with family and and things that made me feel safe and happy and all those things, and you know, worship music and pray and deep squats and um all of that. And um, so yeah, that was that was really my my mental prep for for labor. Also the the deep squats. If you are pregnant and you are looking, it was so helpful, just like hip mobility and keeping that space open, keeping your pelvic floor. Um doing CrossFit, I had a lot of pelvic floor strength and not a lot of pelvic floor floor flexibility, which I think was a huge detriment to my first labor. Um and so yeah, definitely focusing on relaxing and opening up those muscles as well as strengthening them was really um really helpful. So um like I swear by that.

SPEAKER_01 32:47

Like just yeah, I tell everyone in my classes, like, okay, so from this point forward in your pregnancy, I don't care how pregnant you are, when you go to pick up a toy off the floor, you go to get something like do not lean over, squat, just squat down to pick it up, and you know, hang out there for a second if you need to.

SPEAKER_00 33:08

When you're sitting watching TV, be in your squats, be rocking back and forth, like moving that baby down. Like I just did it all the time, like all the time. And it was honestly, the labor went so much better. So I don't I don't know that it was that, but I'm just saying like that was but that didn't hurt, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:27

Well, okay. So this labor that was so much better. It sounds like once you got past the nausea and everything, which by the way, I completely relate. And I'm really sorry that you cannot empathize with us, but but now you know. But now I know. Um, so when did your husband get deployed? And then when did you end up going into labor?

SPEAKER_00 33:51

So Josh deployed March 24th, and um I was due um June 16th. Um, and in my mind, May was for work and June was for baby prep. So in my mind, I was like, all right, I'm I'm trying to get everything ready because we're a small organization, so get everything ready for um maternity leave so that I can take a big break and not leave anybody in a lurch. And so I was really driving hard at like trying to knock out all these tasks, trying to plan ahead for all of our communications needs and everything. And then I was like, all right, June 1st, I'm I'm switching gears. Like I'm I'm switching mental gear. And I'm I was still gonna be working up until um whenever I went into labor, but I was like, the emphasis is not work. I'm gonna be showing up for meetings, I'm gonna be like doing last-minute things if people need them, but that's not gonna be my focus. My focus is gonna be spending time with my daughter in our last little, you know, one-on-one season and getting everything fully prepared. You know, I had ordered some stuff for um birth space and stuff, but I hadn't set everything up yet. I hadn't, I hadn't pulled the group out of the garage yet. So in my mind, I was like, all right, June 1st, it was a Saturday. I was like, June 1st, we are we are in baby mode. We're, we're um, but we didn't really make it to June 1st. So oh no. So um May 31st, um, I woke up and I had an early morning meeting with our team in Armenia. So they're 12 hours ahead. So we always have those at like six or seven in the morning because it's six or seven at night over there. And so I had woken up late because I don't frequently have these meetings, and so Fridays they typically are not meeting happy. And so I had woken up at like 6:53 or something like that, and I had a meeting at seven, and I was like, oh no. And so I woke up and I'm like dashing on a bed and I'm like getting live, and I'm like gonna put a movie on her so I can like have this meeting and whatever. And um, I am rushing around trying to get her, you know, something to eat and um in front of a movie and get my laptop set up and everything. And I have this like what I think is like a bladder leak. And I think like, well, of course I have like this big huge baby sitting on my bladder and I didn't pee first thing when I woke up. So I was like, okay, you know, like like the that happens, whatever. And so I sit through the whole meeting and I'm like noticing like it's it's more wet than like normal. So finally the meeting's over, like an hour and a half later, and I go to the bathroom and I'm like, this is not all pee, you know. But I had my I had my 38-week appointment that day. So I finished up this meeting. The appointment was at like 10 or 10:30 in the morning, and actually my OB had um asked me to move the appointment from the afternoon to the morning because she had she was going on a trip and she was flying out um that evening. And so she asked if I could move the appointment to the morning. I was like, Yeah, sure. So I was like, well, I might as well go. It's my 38-week appointment, like maybe my water broke, you know, whatever. And I just go to the appointment. And um, by the time I get there, I've like soaked through a pretty decent sized pad, and I'm like, oh, okay, like this is, I think this is um, which for somebody wanting to labor at home, I should have skipped the appointment and stayed at home. But I didn't, I didn't really know what the protocols were because um, and so I get there, they she sends me up to triage to find out if my water is broken. Um, and they do all of these tests. Like it actually took them a while to confirm, which is weird because there was so much of it, but I guess it wasn't testing on the strip. And so they did another type of test with like a more, I don't know, whatever hospitals. They had the thing. Anyway, and then they were finally like, yeah, your water is broken and we need to admit you. No, really, I know, I know, yes, because at this point, by the time they did all the triage things and had like confirmed that my water was broken, it had broken at like, you know, six, seven in the morning and it was like noon. And so their policy, you know, I guess in hospitals is they give you eight hours from when your water breaks to like come into the hospital. So at that point, I was approaching that eight hour mark anyway. Even though you're not in labor, even though even though you're having contractions, just because they just because now you're an infection risk because hospitals.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

You're only an infection risk if people keep sticking their hands up you exactly.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

So I was like, like I thought I knew everything about the hospital and like protocols and stuff like that, because I had a hospital berth. And then and then this like out of left field was like it, I felt like it was like the only thing I did not prepare for in labor is like what happens if your water break and sin you have no contractions. Because my first my my labor began with my water breaking and it went straight into like crazy contractions, like just absolute horrendous contractions from the jump. And so I was I had mentally like even prepared for that. I had thought about, you know, if my water breaks to start my labor again, like this is how I'm gonna handle it, this is how I'm gonna handle it differently, like all of the all of the things. And then one thing I never thought about was like, what if my water breaks and nothing is happening?

SPEAKER_01 39:25

Which is normal, actually, but people don't realize that. Yeah. So you're we actually just taught this in my class last week because I always it's usually the husband who asks the question, like, but when will her water break? Or what happens when her water breaks? So water breaking to start labor usually happens about 20% of the time. So usually it starts with contractions, but about 20% of the time it starts with water breaking. But it can take up to 24 hours, and actually even longer than that for contractions to start. I would say Say 90% of women will start contracting within 24 hours of their water breaking, you know, then there's a 10% that it might take 48 to 72 hours before their contractions start. So when hospitals have these policies of like eight hours, I've heard six hours, I've heard 12 hours. Um, and then you know, almost all hospitals have definitely like a 24-hour policy. It's like that you haven't even given her body a chance to do what God designed it to do.

SPEAKER_02 40:31

Like give it that time.

SPEAKER_01 40:34

Um, that happened with it's only it's funny because and I say I'm a statistic because I've had five kids and one of my labors started with my water breaking. So yeah, 20%. So the 20%. Um and it took 24 hours before my contraction started. And I was, you know, calling the midwife. I was at a birth center, and I was like, what do I do? And she said, nothing, like just relax, go to sleep, hang out. It'll happen. It'll they'll come, it'll be fine. And I was like, Really? You're not gonna, I don't need to come in. She was like, This is an emergency? No. No, no, and this was like six years ago, but she was like, No, you just hang out, just wait for labor start. And I was like, Okay.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

Well, I am I am two for two on water breaking in the beginning. So with completely different results. So, anyway, uh, so they admitted me to the hospital, and they of course start immediately talking about like all of these interventions, like we should start and we should, you know, blah, blah, blah. And it was just like, hold the phone. I was like, first of all, is there a universe in which I just go home right now and don't stay here? And the midwife that was on at the hospital was like, you have to check yourself out of the hospital against medical advice, um, which which I later learned can disqualify your insurance from covering the birth. Um, so I'm very thankful that I didn't do that because you can end up paying a lot of money, I guess. Anyway, um can, but I was just like, okay, well, that, you know, sounds a little extreme, but at the same time, I was very upset about being in the hospital because I was like half-planning a home birth. Like, and in my mind, like all of my labor prep was like in my home. Like all of the the the familiarity that I had created and all of the the space and and everything was just like gone in a moment of just like, okay, this really sterile hospital room is like where I'm gonna be laboring now. That sucks. And it's really interesting because in my in my transfer from the birth center to the hospital, I there was very little disappointment, which was I feel like part partially just the grace of God and partially just very pragmatic of like, okay, like we we don't want to seek help from there anymore. So we're going to like go to the hospital. And so, but in in a lot of ways, that was like it should have been kind of shattering of like, oh, this birth that I had dreamed up is not going to happen that way. And I felt even more so like that with this experience of just like all of that laboring at home, all of that being in my space, like it's just gone now. And there's, you know, there's not really any going back. So, so that was really that was really jarring. I had um Liv, my toddler, with me. My mom was actually working that day. So she was like, she was a nurse at the hospital that I was at. And they uh they had her cover the lunch shift and then let her clock out and be with me. So that was really nice. Um so we went into the hospital room. Um, I start, you know, just playing with Liv, like crawling around on the floor, like moving around. Everybody's like trying to get me to like sit in a bench. Yeah, behave like a hospital patient, I guess. Like, but we're just like we've got the yoga balls on the floor, and we're, you know, she's bouncing on the peanut ball, and I'm sitting on the yoga ball, and we're rolling them back and forth. And I was just trying to keep the experience that I wanted as much as possible. And so, you know, doctor and nurses like come in and we start going over things, and they're telling me all the options that I have to like kickstart labor. And you know, once I figure out that we're like here, here, I was just like, okay. So they had talked about like inserting a foliable being one of the like least least invasive, yeah, invasive interventions.

SPEAKER_01 44:35

Um, uh, so I don't know if you want to explain to people what that is or if that's like common knowledge or it's funny because I feel like everything on this podcast, I just assume, is common knowledge, but then every once in a while someone will be like, I didn't know what that was. It's like, oh, okay. Yes, the Foley bulbs, sometimes it's called a foley balloon, sometimes it's called a cook's catheter. It's basically just where they stick a tube up into your cervix, and which they can only do if your cervix is dilated a little bit. Um, they can't get it in there if your cervix is shut. But they put it in there and then they fill it up with like a saline solution and it manually dilates your cervix and is like pressing your cervix open slowly, little by little. And it's supposed to just fall out when it gets to somewhere between four and five centimeters. That's how it is supposed to work. Um, some people find them excruciating, some people don't feel it very much at all. It works for some people and it doesn't work for other people, but it is a less invasive way of dilating your cervix than just jumping straight to Pitocin.

SPEAKER_00 45:47

Yeah. So that was that was one of the options. And I felt like that was probably the best moving forward of like not wanting interventions and needing to kick start labor. So I opted for that. I was like, okay, let's do the fully and just see if we can get things started on their own. Um, and they they went to check me um to do the fully bur bulb insult insertion. And I was already three and a half centimeters dilated. So they were like, well, we can't do that because you're pretty much already dilated however much it would it would dilate you. Right. It wouldn't go much further. Yeah. And so that was actually really encouraging to me because when my water had broken with Liv, um, the first time I got checked at the birthing center, I had been in like really intense hard labor for like six or eight hours or something with just like getting buster contractions, and I was not dilated hardly at all. So that was like that was a very demoralizing experience. Whereas to come in with like zero contractions, they're like, oh, you're at a three and a half. I was like, sweet. Um so yeah, so they couldn't do the fully bulb, so they just did a membrane sweep. After that, I kind of like started cramping and my um my dad came and picked up Liv, which honestly I had always been like when I thought about like home birth or people and like people would be like, oh my gosh, like your kids can be there and stuff like that. I was like, I would never want my kid like to be in my space when I'm like going through that. And I honestly was really sad about her like leaving. Like it just she was she was so comforting and so distracting to me to just be able to like focus on being a mom and like doing doing my job and spending time with her, um, especially knowing it was like our last bit of time. Um, you know, I really, I really kind of wish she had been able to still stay longer. But then I also didn't want to be like, oh, you know, when somebody else is coming to like, you know, pick up, you kind of just feel like a little bit on their timetable and stuff. So um, so she she left kind of right around the time when they were doing um that. And so they they did a membrane sweep. I kind of started to get some crampy stuff and then um was walking around the ward in circles, just like again bemoaning the fact that nothing I was doing was like a natural kind of movement, you know. Like I was just thinking, like, if I were home and I was telling my mom, you know, like if I were home, we could be like going for a walk around the neighborhood, we could be going to the park, I'd be like squatting down and be picking things up. I'd be like doing all these like natural body movements that would help my body like start labor. Instead, I'm trying to like fake my body into like starting labor by doing all of these like unnatural type of movements to try to simulate like I'm living my life to get the contraction started. And it just like it just felt really disappointing. And um, so but I was I was trying to not like dwell on that. Like I was like, that's that's not gonna, you know, we're we're here. This is this is the birth we're having. So um one of the nurses there was like a a spinning babies like guru. And so she was like, so she actually, I don't even really know which I don't even really remember my first nurse at the hospital because this other nurse didn't really have a patient at the time, and so she came over to help with like all the spinning babies things. So she was she she had all these movements that she was having me do, and she said, sometimes if they're just not quite in the right position, they're not, you know, your contractions won't start or whatever. So she spent a lot of time with me, um, just putting me through, putting me through the motions, trying to get labor started. And then right as um, right as kind of we were finishing up some of that stuff, um, it was like shift change. So it's now like 7 p.m. I'm getting a new nurse, they're getting, and so at that point in time, I was I was starting to get some contractions, but they were like 10, 12 minutes apart. Um, and they were they were strengthening, but they were still pretty spaced out. And um, so then we have shift change, and honestly, it just kind of took me out of like like birth mental space into like like now I'm introducing myself to a new nurse, and we're like I'm I'm telling her, you know, this is the plan, this is where we're at, these are the kind of interventions we're avoiding, like all of the things. So um contractions kind of started to back down a little bit again, and then they um at eight o'clock, the doctor comes in, she's like, she wants to do a check to see because she knows that I'm experiencing some contractions, but it's not really like not really ramping up that much. And so she wants to see if it's like dilating me or if it's not dilating. And and so I was like, so this is like right around 8 p.m. And I was like, okay, we did a check, and I think I was at like four, maybe, and so it's like, so she was just like, All right, our recommendation is that you start on Pitocin and all of that. And I was like, with my first birth, I had gotten an epidural and it had really tanked my labor progress, like absolutely like, and then they had to crank the pitocin up so high after the epidural to get things moving again. It was just crazy. So I was like very much like, I am not getting an epidural because I I don't want to go through that whole process of slowing down labor that much and having to artificially like restart it. So I knew that if I started Pitocin, I wasn't going to have an epidural. And I had I had heard really bad things about Pitocin contractions. Like I obviously had them, but I didn't really like fully experience them when I was an epidural. So I was like, all right, if I choose Pitocin, it's gonna be tough and there's gonna be no, there's gonna be no help for it. So um I so the doctor left the room and I was just like, I was like, I need a minute to think about it. And I was really grateful my mom was there because she was like, you can tell them no. You can tell them to give you another four hours to get things started on your own. Like you don't have to let them do what they're suggesting that they need to do. And I was like really grateful to just have somebody tell you like remind you, like you know that in the back of your head, but you just kind of feel like I don't know, it wasn't even like a pressure for me. It was just kind of like uh, is this inevitable? You know, is it's giving me another of like four hours really gonna, or are they just gonna be frustrated? Cause like, you know, it comes around midnight and we're just like at a four and a half, and now we gotta start a toast in anyway. So so the um we called the doctor buck in. I was like, I want, I want another four hours. And I was like, I was like, and I want everybody out of the room. Like, I don't want, don't want anybody in here. And we had been doing intermittent fetal monitoring uh the whole time. So I wasn't attached to like an IV, I just had a port. And in my mind, I had gone through all of these. Uh I'd done all of this stuff to prepare for an intervention-free hospital birth. And so I had looked into intermittent fetal monitoring and just like having an IV port and not being connected to an IV and like all the things. And I think I thought that that was going to make a bigger difference than it did, if that makes sense. So intermittent fetal monitoring, they put you on the monitor for 20 minutes every four, every hour. So you have 40 minutes of time to like labor on your own without being connected to monitors. And that just goes by really quick when you're in labor. So it just feels like all the time. It's like back on the monitors. And then the monitor is like theoretically, you can still move around as long as you're kind of close to where the monitor is connected. Um, you can sit on a birth ball, but what they don't tell you is that the monitors slide around a lot. And then if they don't get a consistent 20-minute reading on the heartbeat because you're moving around, then it you have to be on the monitor longer so that they can get that consistent reading. And so it really was like, you know, there there are tricks. There are absolutely tricks if you want to have a and if you want to have like an intervention-free hospital birth, but they're not, they're not the same as not having hospital protocols. Um so so yeah. So I told everybody for this 40 minutes, like, I don't want anybody in here. I just want to be um, well, I didn't kick my mom out, but she just she just kind of sat on the couch and didn't do anything. And I I turned on my playlist and I just started doing some like the deep squat kind of motions and everything and just praying. And I was just like, God, regardless of whether the way that labor started is some sort of like spiritual attack on like what kind of birth, like I was preparing for, or whether it's just the way that you planned it to be and the way that you've orchestrated things. I'm like, regardless, like you are in control, you're sovereign about the way that this baby comes into the world and you know what's best for him, you know what's best for me, you know what I want, um, you know what I need. And I I need you to be the one that decides when and how this baby's coming. Your hand is ultimately bringing him into the world. So literally during that 40 minutes, contractions like really, really kicked in, and um, which was just such a huge blessing. And I think it was just a combination of physical things and you know, spiritual things, like a combination of of faith and divine intervention, and also just having the lights low and having all the strangers out and like all of the things and being able to like move on my own and do what felt good to my body. And like, you know, almost the whole time I had been checked into the hospital up until that point, I'd been like, you know, doing some spinning baby stuff and like all of that, which I really appreciated their like help and attention and expertise, even that they had taken obviously supplemental education courses to be able to help women um whose babies weren't in the right position. So, like all of that totally appreciated, but it wasn't the same as just like being on my own and taking the time to really listen to like what kind of movements my body needed, not what kind of movements my body maybe needed, like to get the baby in the right position. And um, yeah, so contractions kicked in probably around like 9 p.m. And um they kicked in, they they picked up pretty quick. We were we were off to the races at that point, and um things started to get really intense and and painful, and I was like still to this day, I have a goal for labor to like have those like those low like moans that you're supposed to have in labor that like help your body continue to like open up and all the things, and um it was not like that, those were not the sounds I was making. What sounds were you making? I was making some like shouting sounds, like some real intense, I do not want to be doing this. And I just remember like it was oh my gosh, you know, my contractions were so close together, they were so intense. And I was just like with Liv, they had been close together and intense for like hours and hours and hours, and I wasn't dilating, and I knew that we were in a different spot with um with this one, but at the same time, I was just like, this is like in my mind, this was gonna go on forever. Like this, this is never this is never going to end. And it was just like, and I I, you know, didn't want any sort of like pain meds or anything like that. So I was just like like white knuckling it through all these contractions. And I have to say, my night nurse was like, oh my gosh, I would hire her as a doula for every subsequent birth if I could. She was incredible. She just was like the best combination of like firm and kind. And um, she ended up being a believer, which was such a blessing because um, you know, at some point she was just like, Do you want me to turn your worship music back up? Or like, you know, different stuff. And and she just was um, yeah, she was, I mean, she was there like holding my hand like the the whole time. So having her and my mom there was just such, it was, I could not have made it through without them. And there were times that I was just like, I can I can't do this anymore. And she would just be like, Look at me, look at me, yes, you can. You are doing this, like, and just some of those like kind of encouragements were just it was it was just getting through minute by minute. So they ended up offering um uh I don't know, sometimes they call it gas and air, or like I don't remember what else nitrous oxide, yeah. So to like take the edge edge off, which like I don't know if it just kept getting more painful and it actually did take the edge off, or if it like I don't know if it worked if it's like whatever, if it didn't work, but I remember the first time she put the like mask up to your face, like you have it fully like enclosed and you're supposed to like take a deep breath. I had like a panic moment of like this has gotta be off my like you're in pain and like all this kind of stuff. And I just like I just was like, I threw it and I was like, I can't be like, and I was like panicking. And and she just like picked it up, she put it like back on my face. She was like, you can do this, it will help. Take a deep breath. And um, so I used that a little bit um towards the end. And um yeah, I think I don't know. I know that they started picking up around nine o'clock. And I know that he was born June 1st at 1257, but I don't know how long the contractions were super, super intense and how long, like you're just it's it's a different time, like it's it's Twilight Zone for sure. So I don't really know how long we were in those like super intense contractions. I do remember laboring for a while and doing really well at breathing through contractions and stuff like that. Um, but there got to a point where I just was really struggling to breathe through things. Um, and so I was on my hands and knees with my arms like draped over the back of the bed. Um, I kept trying. To get into a squatting position between contractions, but I think at that point it had just been too like I I didn't think to do that early enough, and it just was like I I just every time I started to like move at that point, it would like trigger like a really interaction. So it's like I couldn't ever get both my feet up under me to get into a squatting position, but I was like kneeling with my like knees apart on the bed, and um I remember just being like so many times thinking, like, I can't do this anymore, like this has got to like end. And I I remember feeling that particularly in the middle of one contraction and hearing God's voice breaking through all of that, being like, This is your last contraction, like that's going to feel like this. And I was like, that's really weird. And also I don't know if I believe that. And then like the very next contraction, my body just started pushing. And that was such a cool thing to experience because being on an epidural, you you don't get to experience that. You you're artificially pushing, your body may or may not be ready to push. Um, it was just cool that like nobody had to, nobody had to green light it. Nobody had to be like, all right, you know, you're 10 centimeters, you know, like here, here we go. You know, like nobody had to be like, all right, this is how you do it. It's just like, you know, it was it was so cool. And I I to this day will tell people, I feel like for my first birth, it felt like an experience that something, you know, it felt like something that happened to me. And my second birth, it felt like something that I did or accomplished. Like it felt like I was, I was the active, not the passive participant in in the experience. And so that was just really cool. Um, it felt so much better to be pushing, you know, after all of those contractions. Like it just, I'm sure it was still painful, but if it was, it's like a totally different kind of pain. Um, and you really like, I mean, at least for me, just there's not any like, all right, here comes another contraction we're gonna push. It's just like your your uterus just pushes, pushes your baby out. And so um, it was it was only I don't even know how many contractions or how many I like, but it was very, very he came very, very quickly after. Um, I remember my nurse be being like, Are you are you pushing when I when I first started and and just like not being able to like respond? And then I was like facing the back of the bed and I was like, I don't know if the doctor's here, I don't know if the doctor's coming, but like the brain. The baby is the baby is coming. So um at Naval Hospital, um they have midwives that oversee non, what do they call those? Like the non-risky births.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:47

Low risk.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:48

Yeah, the low risk birth. And it's so I was low risk birth. And so I had a a a midwife like overseeing who did actually make it to the birth, but I I didn't I didn't know that until she was like handing the baby like through my legs. And um, I just I just pulled him up in front of me and I was like, you know, like it's just it was such an interesting moment. I like I don't know what I expected it to feel like, but it just was like, I I just was like, that's so weird. Like, here you are, you know, like and it just was like there were so, and I think especially because I was turned around and especially because Liv was a vacuum assist, there were like 87 people in the room when she was like delivered, and it was just like, I mean, she literally was like kind of pulled out of me, and then like I was just like, oh, here. And I pushed for probably like 45 minutes or something with her too. And so it was like this, she came out and I was like, Oh, finally, my baby is here. Like when when he was like handed up to me, I was just like, What I I can't believe you're here. Like it just, I mean, literally from contractions picking up at nine, it was less than four hours between that of like real active labor. Yeah, like of real active labor. And so he just came very quickly. Um and um after he was born, the OB, um, as she was like coming in to do all the like stitching me up and like all that, she said, My entire career, I have wanted to like hand a baby to a mama like that, up like through their legs, and just she was like, It was such a beautiful, like primal moment getting to witness that and see just like you pull them up into your arms and like how natural it was, and like all of the things. And I just was it was just such a weird moment for like I it was like it just I guess was crazy. And she later even told me she was like, I was so proud of you for choosing to take another four hours to see what your body could do. And it was crazy because I was just like, Well, I wish you would have told me that, you know, like I wish that you would told me that you were like shipping for me to like ignore what you were telling me to do. Like, why did you tell me that in the first place? But but it just like it was such an eye-opening experience for me to know that like care providers have to say certain things on behalf of the hospital for like, you know, like protecting the institution kind of purposes, and it just like interesting to know that like you can have this like closet crunchy midwife who is like secretly shipping for you to like ignore her advice and like let your body do what it needs to do, but also is like maybe not allowed to engage those things or like tell you that directly. So that was like I mean, I it was it was really kind of like a a special thing to know that like somebody somebody had a very like kind of career-making moment like during the birth. I like that was kind of cool, like to know that she's like that she really doesn't often get to experience because of her context that she's working in, like the that kind of birth. Um and the same thing for my nurse, like she just like she doesn't get to do a lot of like people that want to have an intervention-free labor. And um, so it was it was just a cool experience because I felt like everybody got to participate in something really cool, you know, like everybody and my mom even said around the hospital that they were talking about it for like, you know, days of just like, oh my gosh, we had this like mom that did this intervention free birth and like all that kind of stuff. So it was it was just really kind of cool to know that like behind the scenes, like there's a lot of like or can be a lot of like celebration going on. And I think that we we often hear hospital stories about nurses getting annoyed with moms that want to have intervention free births. It's just cool to know that for all of the stories about a doctor getting impatient and just wanting you to like get it over with and wanting you to push on their terms and their schedules, or nurses that are annoyed with moms that are like, you know, making a fuss, trying to like go without interventions, that there are people that actually it's a really meaningful experience for them as well. And, you know, people that are willing to support you and just yeah, really, really champion you. It was an amazing experience. And um, you know, again, you could have anybody on when you have a hospital birth. And so I'm just really thankful that when I went into labor, you know, I had the nurses and stuff that I did. Um, I did have significant tearing with him. Um my mom was like, it was I had a flayed labia and then several more tears around um where I had torn before, like repeat tears, which is pretty common. But in and then it was a lot of stitches. You know, your endorphins kind of like make you forget how bad labor was. But I remember feeling like this is the most painful part, even though I knew it wasn't. But um they had a hard time getting bleeding to stop, so they had to do like clot sweeps. That was excruciating because I was just very torn up down there. And I had to, you know, do a lot of things to try to get bleeding to stop. And so I did end up getting a potosin shot after um after birth, which was like, I don't remember like having super intense like contractions or anything like that. I just remember the whole like clot sweeping and stitching was like super, super painful. And I remember, you know, the midwife stitching me up was just like, I've numbed it like a lot. Like I can't, like, can you still feel this? And being mean like, uh, yeah. And she's like, I mean, it's like the same stuff they do for like dental procedures and stuff. I was like, it doesn't work at the dentist either. Like, I just I doesn't really like, yeah, I'm local anesthetic is not very, it doesn't affect me the way that it I think is supposed to or whatever. But anyway, so that that sucked, but it was it was fine. And then of course the hospital stay is like not it's not anybody's dream, you know, like you just you hang around for 48 hours for people to like poke and prod you and baby, and nobody gets any sleep and all of that. But it was really um, it was a really cool experience to have and it worked out in so many ways that I was really thankful for just because coming in and not knowing if I if if I was gonna be able to get labor started on my own, things really did come together in in the end. And um, one of the things that I had consistently prayed for was that my labor would be six hours or less. And and I got what I prayed for. I it would definitely, yeah, it would I was like, man, I need to start praying for more specific things because like that worked. But just like, yeah, every time I thought about it, I was just like, I want to six hours or or less in in labor. And um, yeah, four hours of of real active labor. And and little boy was here and 16 days early. Yeah. So yeah, he was and he was born seven pounds, 15 ounces. So he was he was a pretty big boy for not big boys like your big boys, but right, but for 38 weeks. But for a 38-week boy, he was he was he was a little chunk, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:09

I mean, that's probably what my baby would weigh at 38 weeks. Mine just never come that early.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:14

I was shocked that mine did. I mean, I not not truly shocked. I was unprepared for sure. My my daughter came at 40 and four or 40 and three, something like that. So she um she was just over her due date. She, I mean, in my mind I'm like, she's pretty much a due date baby because like yeah, you never know, like precisely and whatnot. So it was like she came on time. Um, and then he was he was just charging out. Um I had had a friend who was actually a coworker at my job whose wife was due on the sixth, and I had a really good friend in Florida whose wife was due on the 10th, and all of the babies were born within 24 hours of one another. So I was like, I don't know if that's like the moon or like or like what, but yeah, we had like just like the whole you know, work chat, and then the whole friends chat was like popping off with like the baby's here and the baby's here, and guess what? The the the baby's here, so yeah. Um it was a little flood of babies.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:18

That's so fun, and then you'll always have that to be able to track like oh now my baby's one, and now my baby's two, and all yeah, so cool. Well, as we wrap up, is there anything else you wanted to share? I know that on the last episode you gave advice and wisdom and told us what God taught you and all of that, but um, did you have anything else to share from this experience in that way?

SPEAKER_00 1:11:44

Yeah, um post-heart part of my experience was obviously like really different. Um, just Josh being gone. And um Right, when did he get back? So he got back September. So yeah. So it was he was Rafe was about three and a half months when Josh got home. I mean, it's just it's a whole different world, I feel like being military, because like these kind of things are just like realities in in that, like, yes, they're hard, but they're also like pretty, pretty routine inside this particular context. And outside of this particular context, it feels like, oh my gosh, like people like have a really hard time wrapping their mind around that. But like within it, it's like, you know, that's like you can't schedule every baby around somebody's deployment or schedule everybody's deployment around their babies and and stuff. So um there was just so much grace over the entire deployment process. Like it went so much better than it had any right to. And I really just feel like that was a lot of just like, I have never believed in the power of small prayers like I experienced in that season because I know there were so many people that were just praying for me, not in these like intensely long intercession sessions, but just like throughout their day, we're just being like, God help her bless them, you know. And I just I I felt the impact of those prayers throughout the whole deployment experience. And that was just really special to me because like I think as a mom, wherever we were at in our faith before becoming a mom, like if they if we were, you know, like following the Lord really closely before, there can be this sense of loss of that time to have that, like those longer prayer sessions and those like big intimacy moments with the Lord. And with with kids, it's just so much moment by moment that you can feel like, does this even count? Like, does this even does this even matter? Like, am I completely neglecting my faith and the Lord and everything? Because there's so much that just needs your attention so much of the time, so much of your waking and sometimes sleeping moments. So I think it really just demonstrated to me that when we say those little prayers for friends and family members, like as we go throughout our day, like they count just as much. And I was listening to um a pastor, and the way that he described it was like when the widow came to give her offering in the temple, even though it was the smallest offering, Jesus said it was the most significant because she gave out of her lack, out of her poverty. And I think being a parent, like your spiritual life often is giving out of lack. You know, like we are often the widow with, you know, four minutes in between when we sit down with our Bible and when our kid needs something, or the two and a half minutes between when we lay down and when we fall asleep at night. And like just thinking that those offerings are so significant to the Lord that He like He said that her gift was greater than than everybody else. And I think as a mom, that's like a really encouraging thought to me, and just experiencing deployment and knowing that I had a bunch of people that were, you know, saying those small prayers and knowing that it went so smooth. Like it's it's not God's will for families to like have a lot of distance apart, like on an ordinary thing, but it's just like when God calls you to something, he gives you grace and um he strengthens you and he it was just yeah, way smoother than it had any right to be. And uh I just so thankful for the power of prayer. Um and it it's helpful, I think, and I hope it helps somebody listening to this to just believe that when you've said God heal that person's XYZ and just moved on with your day, that that that prayer is not insignificant, you know. And yeah, so I felt like I really owe that. I think um having two having two kids or more probably postpartum is just really different. I felt like it was kind of like a magical season um with my first. Like I would just like go to like rock her to sleep and spend her entire nap just like staring at her cute little face. And I'm I'm like, you know, I'm not a person that likes to sit still very often. So I was just like amazed that something could be so mesmerizing that I would spend an hour and a half just like looking at her tiny features and stuff like that. And it just it just felt so like, I don't know, like like Christmas magic, you know, like all of the all of the vibes and and everything like that with her. Um, and with him, it was it was not, you know, it was like it was it was solo parenting, a toddler and a newborn, and trying to figure out how to get everybody fed and trying to put two kids down for bed at night at the same time, and one or the other or both is crying, like, and it just was there was so much, and I I really struggled with just being okay with having a different experience. Like, I know so many people were talking uh had talked about like the the the newborn like fog or haze, and I like I could not relate, like I just was my first time just so hyper aware of things and so very present with all of all of the developments. And this time there was not a lot of space for that, and I just it was a a challenge. Um, but it just it was even something that just recently, as in probably a month ago, that I was able to really surrender to the Lord and just, you know, I felt like I have the most contented second child ever. Like my my dad literally asked when he was like two and a half months old, like he he cried or kind of plaster, like made a noise. And my dad walked around the corner from the kitchen into the living room and he was like, Was that him? He's like, I've never heard him cry like that. Like I've never, like he just was very mellow, very content. And I again so so blessed to like have that experience with everything going on. But I felt guilty in the background that he was having such a different experience and that like and that sometimes he would be crying and I and I couldn't get to him, you know, and and I just and then I would think like people would always compliment, like, oh, he's just so content. He's just so and I was like, and in the back of my mind, there was like this, yeah, that's because he's used to like not not need. Like I just like in my like in my mind it was just not like not in an intentionally neglectful way, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:39

Just like I also have a toddler way.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:42

I just felt like I was just like, I just felt like that's because he doesn't get picked up every time he cries, you know? Like um, and uh, but I I felt like I had a moment with the Lord where he was just like Nikki, the the way that his life began was so on purpose. And um, you know, like I I know the beginning from the end. Like I know exactly the the skills and the tool belt that he's gonna need for the rest of his life. And I designed the beginning of his life on purpose. Like I knew that your spouse was gonna be deployed. I knew like the kinds of things that you were and were not gonna have capacity for. Like you're not in control, that's okay. And it just was like, it was a humbling thing to just be like, God, you know, the whole the whole birth story just beginning with like God, God says when. I never ever would have chosen to have a baby while my husband was deployed. I never would have picked that timeline. But but the Lord did, He He picked that timeline. And because of that, I just I had a lot of peace. And I had a lot of peace in the midst of people were like, Oh, how are you gonna do birth, you know, without your husband and everything like that? And I was like, you know, if God wanted it different, he'd have done it different. Like he had plenty of chances to like not have this timeline, but this is. timeline that we have. So I know it's on purpose and I know that it's going to be great. So I think that there's so much that we want to control as parents and then we want to control as moms. And if if the timeline you're experiencing is happening, it's because the Lord had a hand in it. And if the Lord had a hand in it, you can be confident that he's going to provide all of your needs according to his riches and glory. And that's that's beyond what that's beyond what we think that we could need. And even if it seems hard, I think we have a choice mentally to say um I know that I'm in the center of the Lord's will. And I know that because I'm in the center of the Lord's will, he provides or we have a choice to to to worry and to second guess like I like I did in postpartum and fill our fill our thoughts with anxiety instead of faith um and or guilt. And and there's just so much peace when we push those things away intentionally and we just choose to say that the Lord the Lord has decided like he is sovereign and he's he has he's brought me to this place and he's not going to withdraw his hand of provision once he's brought me out here. And you see the Israelites struggling with that in the desert over and over again like the sovereign hand of the Lord delivered them through miracles into this place and they go what about this? What about this? What about this? And it's like you know we're you know every time we have a baby it's a miracle from the Lord you know and it's like so he draws us into this place you know and then we go what about this what about this what about this and so I would just say just trust in the sovereign hand of the Lord and the way that he's guiding your life and that his blessings will follow his his guidance and when we when we step where he's having us to step um there's there is more than enough of everything we need to sustain us.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:07

Beautiful thank you thank you for taking the time to do this again I really really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:14

Yeah I appreciate it too I've I've been so blessed by the ministry of your podcasts and all of the advice and encouragement. It was a staple for me and when I was prepping um to have Rafe and I just appreciate all of the work that you put into it and I hope that the blessings are returned to you abundantly for everything that you pour out into the birth space.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:40

Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram or email me at contact at Surrendered Birth Services dot com. Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting the follow button. Also we'd love for you to leave a written review of the show so that more people's births and lives can be changed by the love of Jesus and the empowerment of accurate birth education. If you really enjoyed this episode in particular please take a screenshot of it and post it to your Instagram story tagging Surrendered Birth Services. If you would like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast please click the link in the episode show notes to fill out your interest form. Also if you're interested in taking my childbirth classes, birth consultations, or having me as your birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to my website for online and in-person options. Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice so please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise. We hope you have a great week and remember learn all that you can make the best plans and then leave it in God's hands.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:15

And I'm honestly a little bit nervous because we'd we'd like to have a little bit more of a gap. But you know uh who knows who knows if the Lord calls you into that he will provide