127: Is Vaginal Birth Possible After 5 C-Sections? (with Amanda Kairdolf) [Hospital Birth, VBAC, Wild Pregnancy]

What do you do when God is telling you one thing, but the doctors and medical system are telling you the opposite? This is a theme that came up for Amanda from before she got pregnant all the way through the births of her six children. The lesson? God’s word trumps man’s word every single time! Listen to this incredible story of fear conquered by faith as Amanda miraculously has her first vaginal birth after five previous C-Sections. Thought that was impossible? Think again!

Transcript

Guest 0:00

They're like, let's track you. And they're like, wait, see ahead. And me and my husband just looked at each other like those are words we've never heard before. And so I immediately start kind of pushing. And they're like, Have you ever had any complications before? And I'm like, well, um, only five seats actually.

Host 0:20

I'm Kayla Heeter, follower of Jesus, wife and mother of six children, Christian childbirth educator and doula, and your host of the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, where we share God-centered birth stories, evidence-based birth education, and our pursuit of surrendering our birth plans to God. Let's get started. Hello, hello. I hope you're not trapped in your house in this ice storm. I'm recording this on Saturday evening, right before it's supposed to start here in central North Carolina. But I know a lot of our listeners are gonna be impacted by this storm. I pray it's not as bad as they say it's going to be, but I don't know, we'll see. So this comes out on Monday, but we're like getting it all ready and scheduled tonight in case our power goes out. So I don't really know what's happening out there right now as of the time that I'm recording this and when this releases, but I just pray that everybody is safe and doesn't lose power or doesn't lose it for very long. I know that's kind of my biggest concern here, just with having a newborn in the house and trying to keep everybody warm. We have a wood-burning fireplace, but it's in the same room as a 22-foot ceiling. We don't live in a mansion or anything. We just live in this kind of really funky house that was custom built in the 80s, and they had some very interesting architecture choices that we actually appreciate. But it makes for like a really, really high vaulted ceiling in the living room. But that's where our fireplace is. So all the heat is gonna go up there. So it worst comes to worse. Our plan is to get our big camping tent, put it in the living room, put it right in front of the fireplace, and just have all of us in there together. Should be interesting with a newborn, but uh praying it doesn't come to that. But we are prepared just in case. We have lots of wood. Tried to stock up on food that we don't need to cook, but we have some camping propane things we can take outside if we need to cook, if we lose power. We have our grill outside if we lose power. And we do have cast iron stuff we could technically put over the fire as well. So hopefully it'll all be okay. Looking forward, honestly, to updating you guys uh next week on the podcast to see how this all really went down. But uh, anyways, we are going to jump into this week's story. I'm so excited about this week's story. I've heard of stories like this out there, but I've never, you know, known anyone. So I was so happy when Amanda was willing to share her story for this podcast, and I hope that it is an encouragement to you all. What do you do when God is telling you one thing, but the doctors and medical system are telling you the opposite? This is a theme that came up for Amanda from before she got pregnant all the way through the births of her six children. The lesson God's word trumps a man's word every single time. Listen to this incredible story of fear conquered by faith as Amanda has her first vaginal birth after a miraculous five previous C-sections. Thought that wasn't possible? Think again. Well, welcome to another episode of Surrendered Birth Stories. I am your host, Kayla Heeter, and I have Amanda with me today. Amanda, I want you to just take a second, introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about you, your husband, your kids, your life, help us to get to know you a little bit.

Guest 4:14

Okay. Um, my name is Amanda Kairdolf I am married to my husband, Brett. We've been together, well, we've been married for 13 years, but we actually started dating in high school. So we actually have been together, we just made like 20 years, I think. Um, we have six kids together. They range in age from um almost 12 years old to seven months. Um, I stay home with them, we homeschool.

Host 4:38

So yeah. Wow, your life and age and stage and everything, I feel like mirrors ours so closely. We have been married for 14 years, but together for 21 because we started dating in high school. And we have well, we're pregnant with our sixth, and our oldest is about she she'll be 12 in January, and this one will be here in a couple months. So I was like, Congratulations, like so many things in common there. Okay, well, let's dive into these stories. Okay. So take us back 12 years ago or more than 12 years ago.

Guest 5:18

Yes. So um we got married, and since we had known each other in high school and um, you know, had been with each other for a little while after high school, when we got married, I was kind of like, okay, let's start having kids. I've always known I want to be a mom. This is nothing that like I was like, oh, further down the line. I was like ready to, you know, jump into the whole journey of motherhood. And so we started trying pretty quickly, and it took us about 10 months. And it was um, it was hard. It was really hard because you know, I didn't know what was going on. I'm thinking, like, you know, like I had, you know, some friends being like, well, God closes the womb and opens the womb. And I'm like, is it something like this? Is this something medical? And so I ended up getting in with the doctor and he said, Um, you have PCOS and possibly endometriosis, and it could take you a really long time to get pregnant. And I remember him telling me that. And in the back of my head, I was just kind of like, I just had this feeling that the Lord was telling me I will give you a baby. And so he's saying all this, and I went into the ultrasound and they confirmed they're like, Yes, you definitely have PCOS. It's probably gonna be a while, you're probably gonna need fertility treatments. But in the back of my head, I just kept being like, Well, the Lord said he was gonna give me a baby. And so it was one of those things where I just kind of had this like sense of whose report shall you believe? And literally two weeks later, I got pregnant with my son. Wow, and so um, it was kind of just the start of my journey to Jesus. Like when I look back at the last 12 years, I can see all these little times where God spoke something to me or he spoke a word to me. And he basically was almost just teaching me how to listen to his voice and how to know when it was something that maybe he was actually saying to me and a promise that I needed to lean into. So, anyways, I got pregnant. I've always like from the beginning of having children, wanted to like have the natural birth. You know, I watched documentaries, like I knew all the things, and I was just like ready to get in there and be in labor and like do this. And um, and it wasn't even so much like, you know, oh, I want an award for having an afterbirth. I just I admired the way, you know, God has designed our bodies to be able to give birth. So at 39, or actually at 36 weeks, I got pre-clampsia and I went on bed rest till 39-ish weeks. I was like 39 and four days, I think. And my blood pressure had skyrocketed to like 150 over 100. So I went in, they monitored me for a day, and then they were like, we need to induce you. And uh my doctor who I really loved was not there, so it was an on-call doctor. And so they induced me and I was adamant. I was like, I'm not, I'm not getting that bedural, like I'm gonna do this. So they induced me. I went 20 hours on Pitocin, and let me just say, like, some of the nurses had turned the pitocin up really high. Like there was an a night shift nurse who came in and was like, Why in the world did they have the potosin set of this and turn it down? And I was, I just remember being like, Thank you. Like, you know, because anybody who's been induced, I think knows it's it's it's just like a special form of torture, right? Anyways, so I got they broke my water, I got all the way to eight centimeters, and I started having this urge to push. And the nurses were like, Don't push, don't push. And I was like, This is not me, my body is pushing, but he was not descended yet. And so it got to a point where it was just like, I was just kind of like checked out, and my husband basically was like, I think you need to get the epidural because they're talking to section. Like, we need to try something else here. So I got the epidural, I fell asleep immediately, and I was woken up two hours later to them saying he's descended, but his heart rate crashed. So you need to see section right now. So they wheeled me back, took him out. He did have a true knot in his cord, and I mean it was a pretty big true knot. At the time, I was like, oh well, you know, God's grace, he could have died in labor and the descent. Since then, I've kind of been like, I almost think it was the epidural and not his descent just because of the patterns I've seen and labor is following. So I was very disappointed to have the section, but it was my first. So I was just kind of like, we'll do this next time. You know, like I got this, I will be back, it'll be fine. And so we got pregnant about 14 months later. Pregnancy was fine, no pre-clampsia, no morning sickness, did pretty good. Went into labor at 41 weeks and like four days. I mean, I was like, I was wow, yeah. I was like, yes. And um, I had actually been having false labor since 38 weeks. And so um, one morning started picking up again, and it if it was like the real deal. Now looking back, I'm like, he was in a bad position and my body was trying to get things started. But I I got up one time and I kind of did some um the lift and tucks, you know. Yeah. And it broke my water and everything was okay. But then all of a sudden, it was like the pain just skyrocketed. And it took me off guard because here I had just done like a 20-hour induced labor with no epidural. I was like confident that I was gonna be like, I got this. Like, if I can handle that, I can handle, you know, a natural labor. And I did not. It was like I was out of my mind. I was like screaming, it was just the stuff you see in horror movies. Oh no. And I could not regain control. So we get to the hospital and his heart rate was down, like right off the bat, his heart rate was down. And so I was not there for very long before they were wheeling me back for another section. Um, now he was actually tucked up in my ribs with the cord wrapped around him a few times, and he was only six pounds and 11 ounces, but almost 42 weeks.

Host 10:44

Wow.

Guest 10:45

No, he was 22 inches long, so he was like this long, skinny looking kid. And I was so big, like they pulled him out. We're all expecting this big chunk, and we were like, why was he so little?

Host 10:54

Wait, was your first baby how much did your first baby weigh? He was seven, five. Okay, so you probably expected your second to be like a couple pounds bigger. Yes.

Guest 11:03

I looking back, I think that the cord, like I think he was kind of stuck. He was long. I have a very short torso. I think he was just running out of room. I think possibly my body was trying to get him down, and he was just genuinely large. Looking back at all my sections, he's the only one who I truly think, okay, maybe that was warranted at that time. So had him, after I had him, I had horrible, horrible postpartum anxiety, depression, like worse than I've ever felt anything in my life. I mean, it felt like I was being suffocated. I felt like I was in a black hole, could not breathe, was being strangled. It was just debilitating. And um, that's when I feel like I really started to dive deeper into the word, into the Bible. And because I've been a Christian since I was a child, but like that's kind of when I started being like, okay, this Bible's here and the word is living, and like it can help me. I started reading Philippians 4, 6 through 8. Do not be anxious, but in everything by prayer supplication, and I broke it down section by section, and I literally would like read it 30 times a day. I'd be like, do not be anxious. I take a deep breath. Okay, you know, like list all my Thanksgiving, list all my prayer. I would do everything as it said in sections, and I would just feel peace. And so, like two hours later, when the anxiety would start to creep up, I would go back to that scripture and like just kind of study it, apply it, and feel the peace. And that kind of was a turning point for me because it kind of just showed me, you know, God's there and like his word is living for a reason. And um, we got pregnant three years later, and um, we had really wanted a little girl, and um, and we were gonna try in a few months, but um, we were at the beach and I was like confident I had already ovulated, and so we weren't as careful. I remember um laying on the beach and thinking, thinking about the Lord and stuff, and like not even thinking about being pregnant, not even thinking about, you know, my next baby. And I heard the Lord so clearly say to me, You will have your girl. And um, I was just kind of like, okay, like I don't know where that came from, but okay. And not even like thinking I'm pregnant at this moment, kind of thing. And um, two weeks later, uh, my period was late, and I was like, well, let me just see. And sure enough, I was pregnant on my birthday, uh, my 30th birthday, we had the ultrasound, found out it was a girl. And it was like that whole time I kept kind of remembering how I heard that at the beach, but I was hesitant to really believe it because I was like, you know, maybe I'm just crazy. Um, but then um we found out it was a little girl, and it was just kind of like this, okay. God speaks to me. Like I really, He speaks to me. That's kind of cool, you know? So again, I was like, I'm gonna V back, I'm I'm fighting for this, I'm gonna do it. And at that point, I started realizing I need to, if I want this to happen, I felt like the Lord was putting two things on my heart to avoid that bed earl and to keep my eyes on Jesus. And I would pray and pray and be like, but Lord, am I gonna have a V back? Like, I don't want to get my hopes up because you know I've been through two traumatic bursts at this point. Like, please just tell me. And he never would, but I just felt like I had this um reassurance that he was gonna be with me and to keep my eyes on him. Well, so labor comes. I wanted to labor on my own, everything was fine, it was manageable. We go to the hospital, and I had a contraction that knocked me off my feet pretty good. And I just took my eyes off of Jesus and I was like, I think I want that bedural. And my husband said, I think you need to wait a second. Are you sure you want this? And I was like, No, I want an easy birth. I'm tired of these crazy traumatic births where I'm like, you know, losing my mind. You see, so many women go in, they get that bedural, they have a five hours later. And I was like, I want the easy version. And um, everything was perfect, got that bedural, and like everything spiraled like within less than an hour. Her heart rate started like um going down. It was going down to like 50. Every contraction, her heart rate's gone further and further. And my doctor was kind of just looking at me like, you need to, you need to call it. And I just was sitting there, and my husband was so mad at me because I was just kind of sitting there and I like refused to give consent for this action because I was just like so, you know, like, no, this isn't the way it was supposed to be. And finally I was like, okay, okay, fine. Like it is what it is. And it just broke my heart. I mean, I just like the picture, my first picture, it makes me tear. I think about my first picture holding her. You can just see like the heartbreak in my eyes. And also want to like throw this out there. I'm very blessed to have healthy children. And I know that there's a whole lot of every birth is birth, and a C-section is still good. Like, you know, there's people who can't have babies and stuff, and there's a lot of truth to those things, and I am very blessed and thankful. It's also very painful being cut open, strapped to a table, doing things the opposite way of God intended for your body. And I really kind of found that out with my fourth. Um, I got pregnant with him eight months later. Wow. It was horrible timing. It was like right before COVID. But like it was kind of a hard time at home with me and my husband. Things were a little stressful. And I found out I was pregnant. And the day I found out I was pregnant, I just was like, oh my gosh, like this is not good timing. Oh my gosh. And I kept hearing the Lord say Yahweh. I mean, just over and over, like Yahweh kept coming to my mind. And so I Googled it. And I'm like, I know Yahweh is obviously like a name of God, but I just felt compelled to Google it. And in big bold letters, it says, He who brings into existence whatever exists. And it just was like, God created this baby, God gave me this baby. So, okay, maybe the timing was not ideal, but God brought this baby into existence. And it was funny because there was times I Googled that afterwards throughout the pregnancy, and it would like bring up other things, but like that original time I Googled, it was like big bold letters. It was just like this moment of God's got a plan for me. It's okay.

Host 16:43

Yeah.

Guest 16:44

And so it was a pretty hard pregnancy, and I was big and um, he was born June 2020. So that was literally like right in the middle of COVID.

Host 16:53

Right in the middle of everything. Yes, yes.

Guest 16:55

It was like a lot of turmoil. I wasn't scared of COVID personally, but it was a hard time to be pregnant with everything.

Host 17:03

With how they were doing everything.

Guest 17:05

Yes, yeah. And I actually had a really bad cough that whole pregnancy. That was not COVID, but like what a terrible time in the world to have a cough.

Host 17:11

Right. Everyone thinks you're a disease.

Guest 17:13

Yes, it lasted for like months, and I felt like I could not go anywhere without people being like, oh, you know. Right.

Host 17:21

If this podcast has been with you through pregnancy, labor, or those quiet postpartum moments, and it's helped you feel more confident, grounded, or less alone, I want to share something new. You can now support the show with a small monthly donation or a one-time gift. Your support helps keep these conversations going and makes this resource available to parents who really need it. If this show has supported you in this season of life, I'd be so grateful if you'd consider supporting it back. Visit the show notes to find the link to donate. I truly thank you for being a part of the surrendered birth community.

Guest 18:09

Well, so let me back up. When I had my daughter, they really didn't find any reason for me to her heart rate to be down. They didn't. He was like, Your uterus was really thin. Maybe it's about to rupture. He's like, you know, it's probably good because when I touched, it split open. But then he would follow it up with, Well, there are women who give birth vaginally and their uterus is really thin. So I would just didn't take that as like concrete evidence of why, or you know, um, or that I was about to rupture.

Host 18:35

And um, but you said, like in retrospect, you think it had something to do with the epidural because that's when things spiraled. Yes.

Guest 18:41

He literally, my doctor had said everything looks perfect. Got the epidural, he broke my water about 30 minutes after that, and it was just like boom, everything went crazy. And even in during that labor, he tried to, I don't even know what it is. They can like do something to kind of reverse that.

Host 18:56

Like they gave you an amnio infusion, they put your water back up into you, probably.

Guest 19:02

Yes, and I could tell he kind of even had a little bit of like, maybe we shouldn't have done that, you know?

Host 19:07

Yeah.

Guest 19:08

Um, and it was one of those things I just knew. And so in after her birth, I felt um just like I was at peace with what happened, but I felt like it was my fault. And like I could have avoided that. Like the first two, I was like, Yeah, I don't know, that was kind of crazy. But this I felt like I could have avoided it. With my fourth, my doctor was really pushing a section because at that point I had had three failed vaginals. My last one was only there was gonna be 16 months between the two births. And um right, because they were so. Yeah, because I got pregnant so quickly after. And because my uterus was so thin, he was like, No, no, no, no. So at this point, I had put I had gotten pretty tired of fighting the system because I was like, um, this was gonna be the fourth baby in six years, I believe. And like I just you just kind of reach a point where you're just like, I don't know. And so that was someone ended up scheduling. He wanted him to come at 30. Seven, I said, no, it's a boy. We need to let their lungs grow. I don't even want to take them early. And I compromised at 38 weeks. But like I had tested for COVID, I had to get tested twice that week for the section. Like the first time they're like, you know, taking the Q tip and like stuffing up your nose. And I've got like tears, you know, you feel like you're like almost being like, it just was not pretty. And like, yeah. And then they had to get tested sec a second time just a few days later. So they knew for a fact that I did not have COVID, but I still had to go through all these protocols and they had me wearing this mask on the table. And like I had that cough that would not go away. And so they they had trouble with my spinal. Something happened with that. It was rough. I laid down. When I laid down, I had this immense pressure around like my, I guess, like anal area. Like there was just something not right. And I like was laying down. I was like, something's not right. Like almost pushed me back up. So they had to kind of adjust that. They're giving me meds left and right to try to get me to calm down, you know. I start having a coffin fit. I'm like laying this, and they've got this stupid mask on me. And I'm like, I need to take this off. They're like, just breathe. I'm like, I can't breathe. I'm having a coffin fit. I'm on my back. I'm very big and pregnant. I've got this mask on. Were your arms tied down? Yes, with my arms tied down. And they're like, just breathe. I'm like, I literally can't. And so I'm trying to say, and they're like, it's for your own good. Keep the mask on. And um, and they'll have their mask on, like, for your own good, not for theirs. Like, let me have a choice. Um, I will take the risk right now. Please let me take the mask off. So the um anesthesiologist was amazing and said, Um, why don't you have an oxygen mask instead of a regular mask? And I was like, Yes, because I need oxygen right now. So he gave me the oxygen mask. That helped, but all that was happening, you know, they don't let your husband in the room while they're like prepping you. And then after you're like fully prepped, they let your husband in. So all this is happening. I don't even have my husband right there. And it was just like my anxiety was through the roof. And I just felt so mutilated. Like, it was, I mean, all the sections have been hard, but this section was different. I just felt that was the first time I really almost felt like trauma from it. It just I felt mutilated. I felt like a pig on a conveyor belt, you know, and they're just like a cow on a conveyor belt and they're just doing all their things on me. And I'm like, I'm not an individual that y'all are respecting and listening to and like using your mind to see she can't breathe right now. Maybe let's take the mask off. I it was just it was hard. And then being in the hospital postpart and we couldn't have any visitors, it was a tough time. We and then because of the section, I was there like, you know, four or five days. And um, the nurses would come in, and if we didn't have our mask on, they you know, run off and call us on the phone and be like, put your mask on before we can come in and help you. And it was just it was a very not fun experience. And that had me so done. And then obviously, so then I go back home. I've got a 16-month-old strong will little toddler and a brand new baby. And I was a little bit um, like at that point, I had my like C-section shelf from being cut open so many times, kind of like overhanging. And so I was not healing super well right there. My incision was not healing as well, and it was my first recovery that was really kind of brutal. Um, because all my other sections, I will say by like 10 days, I was up walking around. Like after my third, we bought a house at like 10 days post-partnum. So my recoveries were okay, but with the fourth, it it took a turn. Um, and it just kind of changed something inside of me. And I was like, I will never do that again. Like, I will never do that again. I will not volunteer myself up for all their crazy protocols, you know. Yeah. And then it was also hard just having a newborn and a strong will toddler and things were crazy at home. And I was just kind of in that like I'm surviving barely mindset. I laugh because I I think back and I think about people be like, How are you doing? I'd be like, I'm not having kids, I can't have anymore. Like, I'm not like like I like, don't have a fourth kid, you know. Like I was just really deep in like survival, but there's and I say that there was a lot of beauty in that time too. And that little fourth boy, I mean, my gosh, like he brought so much love and joy, and like he was just like the sweet little baby, always had a smile on his face. I'd be nursing him and he'd come off just to like smile, and like it was just such a blessing and something my heart needed. The Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me this child, you know. I mean, yes, the circumstances were hard. This, the, you know, the timing of it was difficult, but like he was something my heart needed, and he just brought so much joy. Um, but I still was like confident I was done. And then, um, so for my fifth, and this is where things kind of got crazy for me, um, we were using protection and it failed. And before that had happened, though, I was laying in bed one night and the name Amelia Jane came to my mind. And like Jane is not necessarily a name I would have like been thinking about or loved. I've always thought Amelia was pretty, but Amelia in Hebrew means work of the Lord. Jane means Yahweh's gracious and merciful. And it was like a week after that that like the protection failed and I got pregnant. And um, but even then I wasn't really like, oh, I'm probably pregnant. It kind of had been in the back of my head. Um, we were heading home from the beach, and I was thinking about how last time we had been at the beach, I had found out I was having or God had spoken to me that I was having a little girl. And I was just kind of dwelling on that, and I was like, Man, God, you really blessed us. And she's such a blessing to me. And then I heard the Lord say, She will be a blessing too. And I was like, Okay. Who is she? Yeah. And so sure enough, we got home. I bought a pregnancy test the next day, and it was very, very positive. And so from that moment, I was like starting to learn to trust what the Lord says and like it's a girl, like I know it's a girl. And when we told our family we were pregnant again, because at that point, Levi was 11 months, so we were gonna have three and three years. And so, you know, our family kind of thought we were crazy, and I was like, it's okay, and it's a little girl. And they're like, Yeah, okay, sure. But I just was learning to really trust when the Lord speaks something to me. And with her pregnancy, I felt very called to be back again. And um, I really felt like I had the desire in me to fight it, that I was gonna do it this time. I was like, I had the desire to labor, I had the desire to like worship in labor and just experience it. And I had just this new fire in me to do it. And um, and with my doctor, I would talk to him about it. And and he is the most natural-minded doctor in the area, but he's at a hospital that is not so natural-minded. I'm not sure I've heard of a naturally minded hospital. No, no, I mean they have their protocols and they follow them, and God forbid you step outside of this little box, right? Right. And um, even with my third, when I was trying to be back for my third, so I had only had two sections. We went in and one of the other doctors was like, only your doctor would be letting you do this because nobody else here would. And so um now trying after fourth, he was entertaining it, and it was up until about 38 weeks that um he was like, I can't do this, I can't do this. Like, I'm not comfortable with this. The hospital's not gonna let me. If you the only way this is gonna happen is if you show up with a baby's head between your legs and you're gonna have a fight. If I'm not here, you're really gonna have a fight. And even if I am here, you're gonna have a fight. I don't think this is gonna work out. And it was so hard because I had spent my whole pregnancy getting into a good mindset and like having so much faith. And I loved my doctor tremendously. He's very, very well loved and respected down here. He's very much the doctor who listens and respects women. And so to have this issue arise was like heartbreaking, you know, it was very heartbreaking. And um, he sent me off to a different hospital to go interview with the doctor. And I remember he told me, he said, I mean, you know, Amanda, listen, if you feel like you're at the Red Sea and it needs to split and everybody's fighting you on it, then you know, maybe um, maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe you need to just like give in. And at the time I didn't really think much about it, but looking back, I'm like, that doesn't make sense because when when those realites were at the Red Sea, everybody was fighting them.

Host 28:08

Like that's exactly that was the exact scenario that was going on.

Guest 28:11

That was what was happening. They didn't say, you know what, we're giving in because everybody's fighting us. But um, so I went to the doctor he recommended, and this doctor was just like he was he was difficult to deal with. This hospital has a lot of midwives, but then they have their doctors that have to give you like your approval. So the midwife listened, she was understanding, and then the doctor comes in, he's like, You're gonna die. You know, you're gonna die.

Host 28:34

Oh my gosh. Yes, from the get-go.

Guest 28:37

Yes, and it's very hard because I can be strong-willed and opinionated, but I am a bit of a people pleaser. It's not fun for me to get myself in a I will get into a conversation, but I don't want to, you know. Right. So he's saying all this, and I'm thinking, you need to play nice because you're if you're gonna birth at this hospital, you gotta play nice, you know. And I'm just kind of sitting there and I'm like, I have four kids at home, the recovery is really hard. And I'm sure, as you know, the statistics with an issue for each section go up. So, like the maternal rate of me dying is way higher in a section than it is a V back. Even if I've had several sections, it's it's even higher for a section than it is for a V back. And so this is something that I've spent many, many, many, many months researching. And like I was ready to bring statistics and studies, even with my previous doctor. And with my previous doctor, he would just be like, Nobody does it. It's not done. I'm like, no, it is done. Because I'm in Facebook groups where there's women all the time saying, I just had a V back after four, I just had a V back after three. And I'm like, it's done, just not in you know, Bat Rouge, Louisiana, like right, and not in maybe your hospital. Yes, yes, and and ironically, the hospital I was um interviewing at, they just had a lady who showed up. My original doctor has said, I don't want to tell you this, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. A lady showed up at the last minute, had a V back after four. And um, and I found her on Facebook, she had the same birthday as me, and like she kind of like ministered to me about it. So when I met this doctor, he was just like, I said, you know, I'm worried about the recovery and the the risk with an added section and listing all the reasons that's not just emotions, but just like logic of like my chances of this happening are much higher. There's risk either way. Can you let me fix my risk? Because the risk of a rupture, although it does happen and it is, it can be tragic and scary, it's also really small, but some of these risks with the section are much higher. And um, he he straight up, he was like, You say you're worried about your kids, but do you want them to not have a mother? Because you and your baby could die.

Host 30:37

Okay, so I'm confused as to why your doctor sent you to this doctor. Yeah, yeah.

Guest 30:44

I I was a little surprised because he was like, He's a good doctor. I went back to my original and I told him, I said, No, he is not nice, he was very patronizing and ugly, and like I will not go to him, but I will go to the hospital to see the midwives. But like, I I straight up told him, I was like, Don't recommend that man to people. Like, he was not, and he just kind of put his head down. And you know, it's like I don't think there are many doctors around here that people can recommend, probably. Right. And the midwife, when the doctor left, the midwife even said that wasn't true. Like the stuff he was saying was not true. She was like, you know, your baby's more likely to die, not you, in that scenario. And obviously, I do not want my baby to die. It's not like I'm sitting here saying, Let me choose the one that puts my baby at risk, but let's at least look at the actual facts. Like, if we're gonna make a decision, let it be a well-informed one and look at the facts and not just use scary tactics and fear mongering. Um, so that night labor started for me. And I went home, labors progressed, and the next day, labor's progressed, and I was so excited. I like had my worship music play in. I had my husband stay home and looking back, I like jumpstarted things. I got like way too revved up, way too early in the game. And then as things started getting more serious that evening, I'm like, let's go to the hospital and get monitored. Because in the back of your head, you're thinking, okay, I am a V back patient, so I do probably need to be monitored. And um, so we went to the the midwives, and they the midwife we saw was a little, I don't know, she was a little loopy. She was like, Um, where's my thing in my popper? And I'm sorry, I I'm I'm having some brain farts, I've been up with the baby all night, and like saying a lot. She said, I'm gonna go pee one second, like walks off. And my husband and it's very different than the other hospital we had been at. So my husband's just kind of looking at me like, this is not like this woman does not seem even remotely professional. And I'm like, Well, it is a more relaxed hospital, so I guess she's just super relaxed. And um, when I told her I wanted the V back, she looked at me, she's like, Okay. Uh, and my husband's looking at me like, you know, like you told me you had support and all this stuff. And I'm like, well, I don't know. It it just it was a very like stressful moment. And so she checks me and she's like, This is false labor. You're gonna be in false labor for days. And it's so frustrating because I know labor and I know my body, I know false labor, all this stuff, but it got in my head. Her words got in my head. Were you dilated at all? I was, I was only at one, but I was like 70% effaced in station. She was still very high up, she was like negative one. But when we left, we got back to the car, things started progressing quickly. So, like I literally I remember being in the car on the way home and feeling her moving down, and things started like moving quickly, but in my head, I still was like, Oh, it's just false labor, you know? Yeah, and so we go home, and my husband's like, She said it's gonna be labor for days. He was not super thrilled with the situation, he was nervous. He's like, You're just on another of these crazy tangents about wanting a V back and it doesn't work, you know. He's hearing everything the doctors have said, and then he's like, they said days. He's like, I'm gonna go rest for a minute, you know, like you take your bath. And I got in the tub and I just panicked. Like, I just panicked because things were really picking up at that point. I'm like, I don't want to be in this kind of pain for days. I hear the doctor telling me you're gonna die. And he also said your uterus doesn't work. He said, when you've had X amount of contra uh, X amount of sections, your uterus stops working. What? Yeah. I had this moment where I was like, I went off to Crazy Land and I was like, I've never heard from the Lord. The devil's been tricking me my whole pregnancy to kill my baby and like I'm crazy. And you know, I had people in my life who were worried and stressed out, and all of it just came in on me, and I was not prepared for that moment. And then I probably just had some like PTSD from my previous labors, and I just blacked out basically. So I told my husband, I said, Let's go get a section. And so we went to the original hospital with the doctor I loved. I said, let's at least get it from him. And we got there, and um, they said I had been discharged from him and took me on back anyway. And I can't tell you how many times I looked back and was like, I should have walked off, like I should have turned around and left the hospital.

Host 35:01

But instead of Did anyone even check you like when you got there to see how dilated you were?

Guest 35:07

Yes, and at that point I was 100% effaced, and she had moved down two stations. I was like station negative three. She had moved down two stations, I was 100% effazed, and that had all happened within like maybe an hour and a half. So things were starting to pick up. I just needed to dilate, yeah. Um, which as we know could happen quickly or be a while sometimes. But I had done I was fully effaced, but they were upset with me because they said they're like, your doctor discharged you because you've been a problem. And so they put me with the LSU clinic, which is our local, you know, university clinic. So I have all these doctors and like the head of the hospital come in to like basically be like, you know, you you did not listen to your doctor, you caused issues, y'all were arguing, and like just kind of painting this picture of me being like this problematic, crazy patient. And it was so hard because I was like, I love my doctor, and we were having respectful conversations, and I was not like that at all. Like he, that's not how for 38 weeks he told me I could be back. Like it was just hard. And but you know, at that point things were picking up, it was getting painful, and um, and I remember I'm laying on the table, they're prepping me, they're bringing me back for a section. And you know, I feel like I'm almost like a child who's been like punished in time out because I tried to be like I had an opinion. And um, and so they're wheeling me back, and I kept the whole thing was like, I gotta keep my eyes and Jesus, gotta keep my eyes and Jesus. And so I'd have a contraction, and there was this really sweet nurse who would hold my hand during a contraction, and I would just picture myself on the waves with Jesus and like the last big contraction I had before they wheeled me in the section, he just like embraced me. It was just this moment of he was with me, even though it didn't go the way I had wanted. And um, I woke up the next, oh, so well, during the surgery, during the section, they told me um I had ruptured and they told me that I had a ton of scar tissue, my bladder was adhered to my uterus. I had so much scar tissue that the surgery took twice as long. And they kept saying I ruptured. And I just was having this moment of like, what do you mean I ruptured? Like, I've been having this whole pregnancy thinking, God's leading me towards a V back. Like at one point I had heard the Lord say, I will give you a V back. So I was like, I don't understand. I don't understand. They were like, You never should never get pregnant again. Like, never. Like you will die, your baby will die, y'all need to be done. And so we came back to my room and I'm just like, what in the world just happened? And I mean, um, the next morning I woke up, felt like I woke up from like a bad dream. Like, what did I just do? I spent nine months preparing and then literally just said, Give me a section. Like, why did I do that? What was I doing? And and then I ruptured and I honestly, for the first time in my entire life, had a moment of, like, is Jesus real? Am I like, am I crazy? Have I just been talking to like an imaginary friend? Like, what is happening? I had like a real crisis of faith because it just confused me. I was so confident. How did this happen? And being discharged from my doctor was so heartbreaking for me because this was a man who really listened and I was frustrated with him. I was frustrated that he didn't tell me I was discharged. I was frustrated that he waited till 38 weeks to like tell me all this stuff. Like I felt betrayed in a sense. I wanted to talk it out with him because that's what I would do. I'd have my birth and then I'd go to see him in a post-card visit and discuss it and like process. And it was just that's it, you know. Like, and so I had even reached out and was like, Can I get reestablished? Because in my last visit, I had said, if I go to Oshner, can I come back to you? Like, I want you to be my doctor. And he was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what happened. I don't know how it all played out, you know. But um, I hadn't scheduled a section at that point. So there's a chance he just got in trouble that he had a client that was, you know, going through and hadn't scheduled. But I had the head of the hospital or that department call me, basically, like chew me out for 10, 15 minutes. Like, I ended the call in tears because she was like, Why would you want to be with him? You don't respect his opinion, you don't respect him, you don't listen to anything he says. He can't have you as his patient and like just damn very ugly and degrading. And I mean, I just sat there like just completely humbled and in tears. I was like, I I like my dog, you know, like I just wanted the chance to try to have a vaginal birth. So that took a lot to move on from. I got EMDR therapy, which I highly recommend because that kind of got me out of that like fight or flight, and it helped me process everything. And it was really beautiful because doing the EMDR, you know, you go through it a few times, and like the second or third time, I started seeing all the ways that like the Lord was with me in labor and the Lord was with me during the section and all this stuff. And so that kind of helped heal me. And then um, a six week post op visit, I asked the lady, the doctor, I made sure to see her. I said, What happened? You said I ruptured. I said, Do you think I could have had her vagally? And she was like, Yeah. And I'm like, Okay. She said, I said, You said I ruptured. She said, Well, um, your uterus told. When we pulled her out of the birth canal. And I was like, that's a little bit different.

Host 40:03

That's different than a rupture.

Guest 40:06

Like you told me over and over, you raptured, you ruptured, but you tore my uterus, pulling her back out the birth canal. And it was just like this like aha moment of she was in the birth canal. She was coming out. And she did have a cone head in the pictures and stuff. Like she was on her way out. You were pulling her out and tore me. And then continued to make me feel like I had already ruptured or had ruptured in labor, something like that. And it just kind of like everything made sense. And then it really kind of the notion of like, once again, I had taken my eyes off of Jesus. And like I went and opted in for something. And it was the just, I mean, I had this beautiful baby. I was upset that I was so hung up on it. Cause I don't want to be that way. I want to just be like, oh, you know, it is what it is. But I was hung up on it. And the best way I could explain it was I felt like God had given me a second chance. He had given me a beautiful gift. And then I just like threw it out the window. And it just, that's a that's a not good feeling. Like I felt like I almost disobeyed him. And I ended up having to ask for forgiveness because I was like, I'm not saying that it was a sin to get a section or that I sinned, but I doubted. And I like completely took my eyes off of him. And so for me personally, I had done all this journey for him to give me something beautiful, just for me to be like run back to the people who caused some of these issues in the first place. And it just was hard. It broke me a good bit. And it was one of the hardest things I've had to go through. And then I would have nightmares about getting pregnant again and not knowing where I was going to go or not having a doctor or something terrible happening. And I was like, you know, they said I have all the scar tissue and I could rupture again. And like I just was gripped with fear. And I finally just had this moment of like, I'm giving this to God. Because if I get pregnant again, like we plan on being done, but I'm giving this to God because it's in his hands and he will bring me through whatever happens. And so once I did that, I really was able to kind of like take a deep breath and relax. But we still wanted to be done. I very much was content with five. I was like, got my hands full. I had um three babies literally within almost three years exactly. Had my two older boys and was just, we had our hands full. Um, but the Lord kept wrestling with me to have another. And he was very gracious and I feel like gave me a long time to kind of heal and bring myself around to it. It was just this nagging feeling of like, you know, are you saying you're done or am I saying you're done? And I kept being like, no, we've got our hands full. And even like my this was everything um was getting expensive and inflation. And I'm like, we can't even afford another. Like we money is tight right now. We can't afford another, Lord. And he's like, Are you worrying about that or are you giving it to me? And so I started saying, you know, Jehovah Jireh, my provider, Jehovah, and he said, like going through all these things, just kind of naming who he is. And um, lo and behold, um, a month after like saying all that, my husband got a promotion at work, and like things kind of we got a bonus check, and like things started kind of like feeling less desperate. And there was one time at church, I was walking to the bathroom and like very clearly, clearly, I heard the Lord say, obedience comes before healing. And it was like at that point, I was really starting to know like he wants me to have another child. Like, I this is not just a little crazy notion, like I can be kind of OCD, like, am I obsessed with my son? I'm like, no, he's telling me I need to have another. And um then another time I was sitting in bed and my husband was holding our daughter, and I like just the story of Abraham and Isaac and Ishmael came to my mind, and I was like, Abraham, God told Abraham something, and Abraham jumped the gun and had Ishmael, but God's word is still true and God is still faithful, and he still gave him Isaac. And I'm like, I jumped the gun and got a section, but God's word is still true and he's still faithful. And I reassuring to know that I can still trust in him, you know, um, and he still has a story for me. So we kind of handed over our fertility to the Lord, and I can't tell you the peace that came from that. Like, I was so nervous about having another child and just even the trauma of we'll have another section. I don't have it in me to labor. I don't have it in me to have another surgery. Um my hands are full, I can't do any of this. And then when I handed it over, it was like just peace, just like overwhelming peace. Like just overwhelming peace. It was like, okay, this is very much God because I just feel so peaceful. And um, and then we got pregnant, and it actually was um a chemical pregnancy. So I lost the baby pretty early on. Um, it was like right after five weeks, and it was sad, it was heartbreaking because I'm like, okay, Lord, I hand it over to you and then I lose a baby. Like, what is this? And but it was crazy because um I've sat in bed and I had a feeling it was coming because the pregnancy tests were getting um lighter, and um, I just had anxiety. Like I just in my heart, like we were gonna announce to people, and then I just felt a hold of like no, like I kind of just knew it was coming. And so I was sitting in bed and I felt a super strong contraction type of feel, like a you know, really strong. And I was like, that's weird. I feel like I just had a contraction. And like an hour later, I went up to go to the bathroom and I had passed, like, you know, very tiny little baby. Um, because I mean it was very early on, but it just also had this moment of like my uterus works. Like I had a contraction and I passed a baby, and it was devastating. It was very sad. You know, I was really upset about, you know, losing life is life, you know, no matter what stage. Obviously, it might not be as painful, you know, at maybe eight weeks, 10 weeks, but it was still sad. But I I did have this revelation of like the baby passed, my uterus contracted and expelled the baby, like in one contraction. And not that it was much, but it just kind of was like this moment, you know, of like, okay, my uterus, I believe in this lie that this doctor told me that my uterus don't work, which doesn't even make sense because I get a cycle every month. Right. Like, clearly, your uterus works. Anyway, so the very next, like three weeks later, I got pregnant again. And while we were trying, the Lord had told me as I was putting my youngest to bed, you will have another one. So, like, I knew I was gonna get pregnant. When I got pregnant, I was so excited. I was like, all that, like, oh, I don't know if I can have another baby. I was like, like, yes, like we are doing what God has called us to do, and it feels good and it's right. And so then literally just over the next nine months, it was like every single day I was all my knees praying, seeking God. What do you want me to do? If you want me to get a section, I will do it. Like, I don't want to, but I will, if that is what you were calling of me, I will do it. I am your vessel. You just leave and tell me where to go. And so it was a lot of praying, stuff like that. And I was seeking the Lord on what to do. And then I had gotten on Facebook and a friend of mine had posted about Isaiah 30. And Isaiah 30 is basically talking about the Israelites leave Egypt, but they're still wanting to go back to Egypt. And the whole thing is they're so obstinate and they're like, they have, you know, issues, and they're like, What will Egypt say? Let's go back to them instead of seeking the Lord. And they're like relying on the uh the structures of men, you know, instead of going to the Lord. And there's a verse that's so cool, I forget word for word, but basically, like the Lord is longing to be gracious to you. You just have to wait on him. And it was just this moment of like, he wants to be gracious to me, but I keep reacting. I'm not being patient. I heard and got that vidural. I scheduled the section. I went in and got the section because of labor, and like I gotta just wait. Like, I've just got to learn to sit with him, be still. And um, it was a long nine months because I didn't have an ultrasound, didn't have any kind of doctor appointments. I did all my blood work, did um, took my sugars at home, was you know, taking my blood pressure, had a Doppler, would hear the heartbeat, but it was a wild pregnancy.

Host 48:08

Oh, okay.

Guest 48:09

Yeah, so like there was no re other than me hearing the heartbeat and feeling the movements like crazy, there was nothing, you know, to like say, hey, the baby's okay. And honestly, I knew the baby was okay, but I was worried it was twins. I was like, I'm so confident that I'm gonna have two babies come out because I was measuring six to eight weeks ahead the entire time. Like I was measuring my fundle height. Wow. And I had measured three weeks ahead in a couple pregnancies, but I was like six to eight weeks ahead consistently. And so I was just confident, I was like, I am gonna pop out two babies. This is like I need to be prepared. But I just very firmly could hear the Lord saying, do not go back to Egypt. And I didn't even want to tell a lot of people that because it sounds so silly, like in modern day to say, do not go back to Egypt. And sometimes we do need doctors and we need the medical system. And I am not over here saying, like, no one should ever go to a doctor. But in that situation, I felt like the Lord was saying, I have set you free from the system that keeps enslaving you. You want to do things my way, so do not keep going back to them because they're gonna keep putting you on the table. Wait, you know, and so that's what I did, and it was hard, but the Lord was very gracious and gave me a lot of signs along the way and like things that like it's just mind-blowing, like the things that he was speaking to me and doing, and like I'm hesitant to even say this because it sounds really crazy, and I was unsure if I was even gonna say it or not. But like one night I went outside and I clearly saw in the sky, like the clouds were like letters V back, like V B A C. And I was like, and I went to grab my phone, I didn't have my phone on me, and I ran inside and text my friend either I am literally crazy or I just saw this, and I didn't tell anybody else about it because I still was, you know, had my own reservation. Like, you know, I don't know. Hope deferred makes a heart sick, and I've been heartsick before, but there were so many things that God was speaking to me and saying and doing, and I was like, I feel like I am laying it all out there, and he is giving me the confirmation I need to continue to sit with him, and he was very gracious in doing that because he doesn't have to do that, you know. And I feel like he just gave me these little hugs along the way to know that I'm on the right track, it's okay. Um, there was one point where I was praying and I felt kind of sad because my husband was not super on board and he kind of knew what like you're gonna do what you're gonna do. But and it was fine up until like the last month, things got pretty tense. And there was one point I was really kind of just upset thinking, I want somebody to pray with me in labor. Like I want somebody praying over me, and then I thought, you know what? The Bible says Jesus prays over us. And I literally was like, Jesus, if nobody else is praying over me, will you pray over me? And now one or two days later, my husband's papa, who's like this huge intercessor, sent me this really long text with this like on point prayer and like the most encouraging prayer. And it was just this moment of like, like, he's taking care of me, like the Lord is taking care of me, not just guiding me and leading me, but encouraging me and showing me the way to go. And so all this was hard. I went a week overdue. I was um like a day or two shy, 41 weeks. My daughter's birthday was January 31st. And that night I went outside, I was talking to my mom on the phone, and I looked up and I saw the clouds kind of like part, like it was all white, and I saw the clouds kind of part like this, and it was just like this empty space. And the week before, um, in church, I had been praying and I was like, I really just need you to part the Red Sea. And at that moment, one of the pastors came up and said, Some of you feel like you're facing a mountain and you don't know what to do, but God still parts red seas and he's gonna part that red sea for you. And I was reminded of the doctor originally telling me you might be at the Red Sea. And it was just kind of this moment. I saw this and I was like, I bet I'm gonna go in flavor tonight. And um, and it was also kind of cool because like the first Sunday I found out I was pregnant at church, I had gone down on the altar to get prayer and prayed for like a vaginal delivery. And the last Sunday before I had the baby, I had gone down to get prayer, and she prayed this like easy birth over me and stuff. So, anyway, so went to bed. Um, I woke up at 3 a.m. to a very strong kick, like jolted me out of bed and my water had broke, and it was like everywhere. And it was funny because that was another answer prayer. I had been praying, Lord, let me let me have my water break so I know it's you and so I can like knock it in my head about things. My water breaks, it's everywhere. And like my husband helped me clean up, and I got on the toilet and I um I did my Christian hypnobirthing, listened to my scriptures, turned on the tub and was like, I'll wait till things feel out of control. And I used that as my like escape. And walked around a little, got in the tub, um, things started to pick up. And I remember it was like 4 a.m., 5 a.m. I remember being like, I had been praying that my I'd have like the bloody show and the mucus plug. Like, let me see things. Like, I need to see it so I'm not kind of going to the crazy place. And um, I got out, sure enough, like lost all of it all at once. And like that was just kind of reassurance, like things are progressing. And what was also so beautiful is every single labor I had, my contractions would last two minutes and then we'd be back to back. So it was very brutal because I would literally have a full two-minute contraction, and a lot of times it was back labor and um, or not a lot of times, all the times it was back labor. And this was my first labor that it wasn't in my back, and my contractions were lasting for a minute and then stopping. And I was like, huh, you know, this is how it's supposed to be. This is how it's supposed to be. And I had been seeing an um amazing chiropractor the whole pregnancy or the towards the end, and I mean, even my last visit with her, she was like, everything is perfect, like literally everything is perfect. I don't even need to see you today. I'm not gonna do anything because everything's so lined up, and so um, it was just like all such good confirmation, you know? And so um things are progressing. I remember looking outside and it was like 5 a.m. and being like, things need to start picking up because like I want to be done soon. Like, you know, by daybreak, my kids, I have five kids that are gonna be waking up, and so things did start picking up and they were intense. I was on my hands and knees, and it's funny, like I remember just telling God and saying, I'll do this five more times and that's it. Like this needs to be done in five contractions. Like, I'm putting a limit five contractions, I will give you five. And it's so funny because um, and maybe each of those contractions represent each of my labors that I had, or you know, births, but um so the the contraction hit and I felt that out of control feeling, and I just so clearly heard the Lord say, Daughter, daughter, you can do this five more times. Say it with me five more times, you can do this five times. And I started saying it with him, and the voice faded away and the contraction stopped. And then the next one came on, and I clearly heard, daughter, you can do this four more times. Say it with me four more times, four more times. And I would say it with them, and the voice would stop. And this went on, and I just in my head, I just kept picturing me on top of the waves and like walking to Jesus, keeping my eyes on him. And the last contraction, it's like one more time, you can do this, say it with me, daughter. And then at the end, the contraction ended, and I just like I saw the Lord embrace me and be um, and he said, Well done, you made it. And it was just like this beautiful moment because I have had such a journey of trying to get there, and it was always in my strength, and it was always like, I'm so tough, I can do this, and you know, I'm gonna fight the system and I know the facts. And for the first time, I just handed it all to him. You know, I was out of shape, I was the heaviest I had ever been in a pregnancy. I wasn't really doing, you know, all the right things. I wasn't fighting the system, I wouldn't even go in the system. And I just handed to him, and I finally was able to keep my eyes on him. And just like the beauty of the affirmation and just like identity that I had, hearing him say daughter, hearing him embrace me, it was just a beautiful moment. I got so much more than just, oh, I accomplished labor. You know, it was like it was something deep in my spirit that he was healed in that moment. And it was it was really cool because I could feel my cervix stretching in those moments too. And I remember I've always wanted to like, you know, in the weirdo that wants to experience labor. And I remember the back of my head being like, I can feel my cervix getting bigger. This is awesome. And so right after that fifth contraction, having that, it was different. I had some panic and I clearly knew I was like, I'm in transition. Like I'm in transition, I know this. I got up, got in the shower. I was feeling like, what do I do? What did I do? And I was like, it's transition. You're just like, take a deep breath. It's transition. Within like 10 minutes, that was over. And that was it. Like, um, as far as the pain of the contractions and the panic, it was all gone. Then I just had the urge to bear down for two hours. But mentally, I was I was good, I was sound. And like to me, that's just one of the most beautiful things that God did for me is that He kept, He gave me a sound mind because having experienced the panic of labor and the fear and all that, to just be able to think clearly. I just you can't, I cannot even put a price on that. Um, at one point I was in the late in the shower and I'm bearing down and I'm, you know, having these strong instincts to push and like threw me down to like a I literally fell on my knees and like I get up and I'm squatting, and I guess I was holding my breath and I heard the Lord say, You need to breathe, your baby needs oxygen. And I was like, I just felt like the Lord was coaching me through these things. And I kept being like, Okay, baby's coming soon, right? And I'd I'd put my hand down and just come back and I'd have a lot of blood. I was bleeding a lot, and so I'd I'd go and every time I'd push, I'd be like, Okay, is there gonna be baby? And I'd like feel, and um, it was just like big clots of blood. And so that was a little freaky. And um, my husband would come check on me, and he'd be like, at that point, all the kids are awake, he's awake. It's around 6 a.m. And um I was like, you know, give me some water, and he'd leave. And around 8 a.m., my parents had come over. And at that point, I was just feeling like it's time to go to the hospital. Like, okay, it's time to go to the hospital. And um, I didn't even pack a hospital bag because I was I wanted to be open to whatever the Lord was telling me, and I didn't want to immediately just run and go to the hospital. I'm like, I had supplies if I needed to berth at home, I had everything I needed ready. I was open to go in the hospital, but I just did not want it to be anything I had pre-planned. I wanted it to be what I felt in the moment. And so I felt the Lord saying it's time to go. And we went, and like the walk from my bathroom to my van was like felt like a marathon. And I get in the van and I'm like squatting, you know, I'm like in the middle seat, and we, you know, we have an odyssey and I'm like on my knees, kind of holding on. We drive 20 minutes, and at that point, I remember feeling like I don't know if I'm about to walk into another section. I don't know if my baby's dead. Like, I don't know what's going on. I know I've been bleeding a lot, and even in in the labor, I was thinking I'm bleeding, but there I rupture, I'm like, well, I'm not having pain. Rupture, you're gonna have pain, you're gonna have shoulder pain, you're gonna have belly pain, your abdomen's gonna stay hard. None of these things are happening. I'm not having pain at all. And it's not continuous blood, it's only when I'm pushing. And so it's like I was being able to kind of reason some of these things. And I knew one of my other labors I had blood too. So we get there and I'm I we're pulling up, and I literally, I just said out, Lord, I was like, Lord, I don't know what's about to happen. I don't know why I'm here, I don't know why the baby hasn't come out yet, but I trust you. And whatever I walk into, I trust that all this was for a reason. Maybe it's gonna be the worst news of my life. Maybe I'm gonna have another section. I don't know, but I trust that you ultimately have a plan. I'm not crazy. You've led me to it. So we go in um and we're going to the hospital, and immediately we're greeted by a beautiful team of like energetic, warm, welcoming midwives and nurses, and they whisk me away. And it was like that was my husband's answer prayer. Cause we, when I was with the LSU clinic, it's like he had all these young students working on me, and nobody's really like paying attention to me. And like he's over here, like, are they gonna botch her up? You know, and I mean they tore my uterus. And yet, so for all these women to take over and like they wheel me off, and it's like this relief for him like, it's not in my hands, you know, this is between her and God, and now these nurses. And um they bring me to the bed, put me on, and they're like, Let's check you. And they're like, We see ahead. And me and my husband just looked at each other, like, those are words we've never heard before. And so I immediately start kind of pushing and they're like, Have you ever had any complications before? And I'm like, Well, um only five C sections. They're thinking, like, does the baby have like sticky shoulders? Like, is this a shoulder issue, you know? And I'm like, five, five, five sections. And they're like, you know, you could feel the energy in the room. And they're like, that's why you'd end up prenatal care. I'm like, yeah. So um at that point, I honestly did not have any more contractions to keep pushing, but I mentally was like, I'm not gonna sit here and wait for contraction because now on their on their clock, and I've got all these people I've had no prenatal care. They don't know my history, like they don't know if I'm crazy. And so I just like willed it out of me in that moment.

Host 1:00:53

Is this a different hospital than the ones you had had the sections at?

Guest 1:00:57

No, this was the one that the doctor told me to go to with the midwives.

Host 1:01:01

Oh, okay, okay.

Guest 1:01:02

Where our first experience, the the midwife was just so like the loopy midwife, but she wasn't there this time. No, and these midwives that met us were like on top of it and like there. And so that was just kind of a little bit healing in itself. And nobody was like, Oh my god, you're crazy. They were like, What? Well, you're gonna have this. And like one good nurse grabbed my phone and she or my husband's phone and recorded the whole thing for me. They were all cheering me on, like one of the ladies was talking me through it, and even though mentally I knew what to expect, it was still so comforting to have somebody be like, This is the ring of fire, you know, you're feeling this pressure. And so I basically was like, I'm not waiting for another contraction. I mean, I was just dehydrated, but I was like, I gotta get her out because I'm on their time. And so within 10 minutes, I pushed her out. She came out, she was an entire pound bigger than all my babies at eight pounds, six ounces. Her head was 97th percentile, and um, and she was like 21 and a half inches long, and I didn't tear.

Host 1:01:59

Um I know I was like, You didn't tear in the uterus or the perennium.

Guest 1:02:03

Yes, yes. Like I literally, there was no tears. It was just like a moment of like, oh, and it's funny, I ended up being on my back pushing, which ate me up for a while afterwards because I was like, Oh, I finally get it. Well, I'm on my back. Like, because I I had a little bit of a rough recovery just from the way I was pushing on my tailbone. You know, my tailbone had a little hard time after that in the video. I say, maybe I should get my hands and knees. And they're like, No, there's no time, get her out now. And she's like, okay, whatever. But um, when she came out, she was all floppy and blue. But God had almost been preparing me for that. I'd seen so many videos of babies coming out, and then they go on the mom and they're fine. And like they just need a little time. Stimulation, yeah. Yes, yes. And like, but of course it wasn't like that. They like, um, you know, there was no milking in the cord. They're like, cut the cord and all the stuff. And she, I think she probably came out pretty quickly down there. And then she did have the cord wrapped a couple times. So they took her over to the little table and they're like sucking out all the oxygen. They said she had swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid. So I she was not immediately placed on my chest. But in the grand scheme of things, that is okay. That is more than okay because I was not cut open. Um, but like I didn't have an IV, like nothing. Like, literally went in, pushed her out 10 minutes later, and it was a girl. We didn't know what it was, obviously, because no ultrasound. And it's funny because in this way I feel like God had his hand on it too, because for both my girls, my uterus was so thin, but my boys, it wasn't. And so there actually is some studies that talks about that, like maybe it could be progesterone related, and then your progesterone is different with girl pregnancies of boy pregnancy. So I had done all this like studying of like, okay, maybe it's because my progesterone was, you know, high or low or this or that. And so I was convinced that this baby was a boy, like convinced. And there were many times I was like, I don't even have to worry about my uterus being thin because it's not a girl. And so the fact that she was a pound bigger and a girl, and you know, everything was fine. We went a week overdue. God was like, not only am I going to give you the birth you want, but I'm also gonna show everybody how ultimately I can I can make it happen, you know. Like, um, it's not like, well, thank God she was your smallest, or well, thank God this, you know, it's like, no, he blew all the parameters off the water and was like, look what I can do, you know. Um, and it's funny because I mean, many times I was like, let this be a situation where we give you all the glory. You know, it's not in my mind, but yours. So, anyway, so that pretty much sums up all of my birth stuff, but it was just really beautiful. Even like my first daughter who I had um opted for that bidural, she was born on January 31st, but her due date was February 1st. And so exactly six years later, I had my V back on her due date, February 1st. And it just was like this cool, like full circle moment, you know. Like, I don't know, it was just funny. Like, and it's funny because in a lot of ways she actually reminds me of my daughter, but you know, it was just a cool kind of moment.

Host 1:04:57

That's so beautiful. I've absolutely loved like listening to every detail of this. This has been I knew the the basis of your story that you had five C-sections and your sixth was a vaginal birth. Yeah, but I had no idea like how or why or what happened? Like, even as you're telling your story, I'm like, is she about to push this out in the shower? Like, are we about to free birth? Like, what's gonna happen? I was trying. Wow, that is incredible. I'm inspired, and I know so many other women are gonna be inspired as well. As we end, as we wrap up, is there anything else you wanted to share to moms and dads out there expecting parents, whether they're first-time parents or whether they've had multiple c-sections like yourself? Um, is there anything you would say to them in terms of faith or birth or prep or what?

Guest 1:05:51

Yeah, I mean, I guess, you know, faith and just like handing it to him, handing it to Jesus, I think has much to do with it because I can't sit here and be like, I do think that you need to research and know your facts. But like me and one of my best friends, that's what we did. Like we knew the birth stuff, and she had ended up with all sections too, and so did I. And a lot of our other people we knew who don't know go in and have it. So I'm hesitant to say, you know, make sure you know all this stuff. I feel like it is very, very, very important, but also just like really being flexible and handing everything to the Lord because like ultimately, whatever your plans are, he has plans for you too. And so, you know, we can hold tight to like this, but we really need to be flexible even with what the doctors tell us. The doctor might say, No, you should not get pregnant again. No, your baby will die. But you need to stop and say, What is the Lord telling me? What is he impressing on my heart? You know, am I am I done having kids? Is this okay, the doctor's saying this, but what is the Lord saying to me? Do I need to go a separate way? Or, you know, and then the reverse, like, okay, maybe the Lord is telling you to go to the hospital or to go see a doctor or to have a section, you know, and just being flexible and knowing that ultimately, like, he is in control. There's so many when I look back, I mean, I probably left out a good bit of things of like the ways he like intertwined everything, you know, it's like a beautiful little story. And I'm like, like all these little things, and I'm like, oh, that's so cool, that's so cool. And all that to say, he he knew it, he planned it, he knew what was gonna happen to me. And sometimes just being flexible and and leaning into him and handing it to him, you know. Um, I think that goes a long way. There was a a time where I was really struggling with am I doing the right thing? How am I gonna get through this? Because I didn't want to labor. I really, this time I was not wanting to labor, I was like petrified of it because I just associated it with pain from all my, you know, PTSD from my past births. And um, and the Lord kept kind of pressed on my heart. If he leads you to it, he'll lead you through. And I had posted in a group just asking for some encouragement. And one lady literally commented almost that exactly. She was like, if the Lord is leading you to this, he will lead you through it. And that's exactly what he did. He literally led me through my birth, you know, and I think it's important for us to remember like whatever he's leading you to is it could be hard. You know, those last few weeks of my pregnancy were like extremely difficult emotionally. Like, I had say online, which I praise God for because I could have been a basket case and been like, you know, people are frustrated with me that I'm not doing what they want me to do, and this is hard and scary. And honestly, there is a moment of like, what if my baby dies and it's at my hands? That's petrifying. Like, I don't want that. Like, this is not uh more important to me than my baby's life. But like just leaning into the Lord and being confident in what he's told me and knowing his voice means so much. And then it's just changed me because I I feel like I'm almost more attuned to him and like what he tells me. And and it's it's also been beautiful because it's kind of removed some of my people pleasing tendencies and like social anxiety. Like I can get very just, you know, like, oh my gosh, where are they gonna think? Where are these people gonna think? And doing something that was so out of the norm and like knowing everybody's looking at me, everybody's wondering what's this crazy girl? She's just trying to have a vaginal, she wants her trophy, and it was not like that at all. But just kind of putting that aside and um being like this is what the Lord's called me to do, it kind of helped me overcome some of those tendencies and and be like the fear of man is a snare, but I gotta trust in the Lord, you know. So yeah.

Host 1:09:25

I love that so much. This is Amanda, this has been great. I have loved every second of this. Thank you so much for being willing to come on here and sharing your stories and sharing your faith. It's just an honor.

Guest 1:09:37

Of course. I'm I'm glad. I hope that it helps somebody. And you know, I hope people hear it, and even after just like one section or two, or even, you know, before volunteering themselves up for a section the first time. Like sometimes you step onto a conveyor belt you want to get off of and you can't, you know, like I don't know, but gives people hope that, like, you know, it's okay your doctor's saying, you can't, like, what is the Lord saying? And I just know that it's changed my life leaning into him. And I I feel healed, you know. I feel healed, and I I hope it encourages other people to maybe like let go and and trust.

Host 1:10:13

Yeah, me too. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. You can reach me at Surrendered Birth Services on Instagram or email me at contact at Surrendered Birth Services.com. Be sure not to miss an episode by hitting the follow button. Also, we'd love for you to leave a written review of the show so that more people's births and lives can be changed by the love of Jesus and the empowerment of accurate birth education. If you really enjoyed this episode in particular, please take a screenshot of it and post it to your Instagram story tagging Surrendered Birth Services. If you would like to be a guest on the Surrendered Birth Stories podcast, please click the link in the episode show notes to fill out your interest form. Also, if you're interested in taking my childbirth classes, birth consultations, or having me as your birth doula, please click on the link in the show notes to take you to my website for online and in-person options. Just as a reminder, this show is not giving medical advice. So please continue to see your personal care provider as needs arise. We hope you have a great week. And remember, learn all that you can, make the best plans, and then leave it in God's hands.