Have you ever wondered what really goes on behind the glamorous façade of the modeling industry? I reveal the good, the bad, and the downright ugly in this candid episode. I take you back to the 2000s, a wild west era in modeling, before the Me Too movement or social media had any influence. It was a time when control came from adults who dictated my body, my diet, and even my hair. Listen as I recount the harsh reality of having my weight discussed in cold, objective terms, and the lasting impact this has had on my self-perception. I hope things have changed, but it's important to reflect on these experiences.
The journey continues into the body image struggles that were all too common amongst models in the industry. Hear how the pressure to conform to a certain size dominated conversations, discouraged exercise, and even exempted me from PE classes. It was an era where drastic weight loss was celebrated, and I found myself on the cover of a magazine despite being over my agency's 'desired' size. Brace yourself as we delve into the challenges of navigating this world, from bracing for body shaming comments, to dealing with creepy individuals. This episode is not just a trip down memory lane, it's a call for a healthier, more inclusive industry, where success isn't measured by the number on the scale.
Have you ever wondered what really goes on behind the glamorous façade of the modeling industry? I reveal the good, the bad, and the downright ugly in this candid episode. I take you back to the 2000s, a wild west era in modeling, before the Me Too movement or social media had any influence. It was a time when control came from adults who dictated my body, my diet, and even my hair. Listen as I recount the harsh reality of having my weight discussed in cold, objective terms, and the lasting impact this has had on my self-perception. I hope things have changed, but it's important to reflect on these experiences.
The journey continues into the body image struggles that were all too common amongst models in the industry. Hear how the pressure to conform to a certain size dominated conversations, discouraged exercise, and even exempted me from PE classes. It was an era where drastic weight loss was celebrated, and I found myself on the cover of a magazine despite being over my agency's 'desired' size. Brace yourself as we delve into the challenges of navigating this world, from bracing for body shaming comments, to dealing with creepy individuals. This episode is not just a trip down memory lane, it's a call for a healthier, more inclusive industry, where success isn't measured by the number on the scale.
Speaker 1:
I started modeling in 2005, and that's when I became a professional model and was working all over the place, but then it really took off for real in like 2008 when I was living in New York City, and so I have some stories. I was trying to think of what was some of the like scummiest stuff that I saw as a model, especially back then, because I feel like before social media, people got away with a lot more, especially before the Me Too movement, it was just like the wild west, and even though there was starting to be a little bit of regulation and changes and stuff, and even with like the body positivity movement coming up around 2010, things were still wild. And so I just want to talk about some of the things that I experienced, of things that I just look back and think that would either never fly today or I can't believe that happened And hopefully it's changed, because part of my life now I live in Texas, now I moved here last year I'm not in the thick of it the way that I was, so I did spend all of my 20s in that. So like I saw a lot. But let's get into it. Let's talk about some of the stuff that I saw some of the horror stories. My mom was actually particularly fascinated by my model's apartment episode because she was like moms should know this stuff. So maybe that episode will help mothers of aspiring models kind of see what it's all about.
Speaker 1:
And, like I say, hopefully it's changed and it's not like this anymore. But I will never forget when I was in high school, when I first got into modeling, i didn't know what was going to happen. Like I just was kind of like flying by the seat of my pants And I remember the first discord between the people representing me and me as a 16-year-old Was having to get my hair cut. And this is very minor, but they wanted to cut my hair. I have really long hair and they wanted to cut it like a bust length And I didn't see why. So I think I'm just generally kind of a rebel and I have like a lot of resistance in me whenever anyone tells me what to do. I don't want to do it And they wanted to cut my hair for some reason. I guess it was like to look fresher and, honestly, like they were probably right, they probably had a point to like cut it to make it look a certain way, whatever, because I just had this long hair, but because it wasn't for a job, like it was just kind of like hey, we want to cut your hair.
Speaker 1:
I felt like it was an attack. And I remember my 16-year-old self crying, like left school and was crying and like just please don't cut my hair, please don't cut my hair. And they I remember this manager was a grown man screaming at me on the phone as I like I think I stepped out of like history class or something. I was on my cell phone and my mom's cell phone and he was just like screaming at me that I was being a little brat and if I really wanted this, i would cut my hair. And I just think back to that moment of thinking about what my peers were dealing with and then what I was dealing with, which was like I have to cut my hair, and it was minor this is like just not even scratching the surface of the kinds of stuff that I saw but I just remember that feeling of like an adult being mad at me because of how my hair was. But that's just. That was part of the game, like that was. That was just getting into this whole thing. So it wasn't long before the same person was upset with me about my hip measurements, because that's a big thing in the modeling industry is like what your hip measurements are, and I think that I originally, when I first was signed on, i was like the right measurements and no one said anything.
Speaker 1:
But then I think six months went by as a 16 year old, like weight fluctuations, whatever, and my hip went up like a half an inch or something and suddenly I was in the red zone and it was like if you want this, you need to focus on your diet. And they use a lot of code words of leaning out, and I specifically remember this email was forwarded to me. So I'm in high school and my manager forwarded me an email that my agent in Chicago had sent him and it said Lucy could stand to lean out a bit because I was looking heavier. And I read that at 16 and it definitely messed with me. like I could stand to lean out because this was for what, like it wasn't, like it was for something specific. Even then it would be weird, but it was just like this idea that, like whatever was wrong with me had to do with my weight and these adults, people who were about the age that I am now older maybe were. It was like you know I am, when I really realized in the beginning of modeling that I'm a commodity, i'm being like I'm this product and they want me to be very skinny.
Speaker 1:
And the certain measurement, and I don't know, i don't know if emailing a 16 year old about how someone talked about you and your objective terms of your body, when there is no reason, it was literally just because that's what they wanted, in that moment it stuck with me and I remember that was kind of the beginning of me starting to like think twice about food, because it was this problem now, like it was like if you want this, you're gonna have to figure this out with your measurements, and the hip measurement that became the theme of the next 15 plus years of my life of like, what are your hit measurements? and so anyway, that was in high school and I remember then I started to kind of think about it. I wasn't like dieting, but I started to think about food and how it related to my body and like what should I and shouldn't I be doing? and actually, of all things, exercising was this weird? it wasn't, it wasn't discouraged, but they did not want me to build muscle. Like building muscle was a no-no.
Speaker 1:
And I remember later on a different agent was discouraging me from exercising too much. They told me like to never run on the treadmill at a certain speed because it'll make my legs big and like all this crazy stuff fast forward. And she ran a 244 marathon and, like you know, i went on to be a runner. So it's kind of funny to think like somebody was like, don't run, you're gonna get bulky. And I actually my mom exempted me from PE or exempted me from sports in high school, even though my, my high school was very big on sports. I was in PE. I was one of the few people in PE because worrying about getting bulky for sports, because of modeling, and I asked, i also kind of don't want to play sports. So it it wasn't like I was dying to play sports and I couldn't. I didn't want to play sports but I couldn't because it was gonna make me too bulky for modeling weird stuff to be implanted in a young teenage mind. So that was my impression of running, which is kind of funny to think about.
Speaker 1:
But that stuff with, like the weight, i remember that just carried, that went. That went so much harder the more work I got. So like it wasn't like, oh, i got to a point where I could just be a certain weight and be fine with it. No, when I went to Europe it was like centimeters, it wasn't inches, so that was even more precise and it was less. It was like you want to be the certain measurement.
Speaker 1:
And the girls in the models apartment I remember they were talking about like what's? what measurement was what? and I was looking at these beautiful girls thinking like wait, you're worried about your weight. Like you're perfect, you're so perfect, how come you're worried about your weight? and then that made me. I remember I tried to not like, i tried to actually resist. I was like I was like wait, i don't think I have, i don't think I have to lose weight.
Speaker 1:
And they were like I think remember this one girl from Estonia. She was so gorgeous and she was like. She said something like that's a really rude thing to say that you, you're perfect how you are. Because I think I was like I'm perfect the way I am, the American in the house, the American in the models apartment, being like I'm not, i don't need to lose weight, um, and she said that was really rude and She would also. She would also, when we would order food, she would like I remember she would do some weird thing where we were both I wouldn't want pasta and she's like no, no, no, we're gonna get pasta. Like she wanted to eat the pasta and I'd be like okay, fine, and then we'd be eating it and she like stop and be like I'm full and then like be watching me. It was like this weird psychological stuff of like food problems bouncing off of everyone, everyone's freaking out and stressed That's the best way to describe it with food in models apartments, models apartments and foods. Oh, my god. I can remember another time this other girl from Estonia again, stunning, beautiful Princess, human. She got a little sushi tray from the grocery store and she brought it back to the models apartment and she ate like two of them and Was like, oh, i'm so full, does anyone want this? I can't even. I'm just I can't even eat the rest of it and I'm thinking, girl, i can eat like a couple of these trays. And I did. I ate the rest of her sushi tray and I was like, yeah, this is so good. Oh, but, um, but then I like learned how I Didn't see it in the beginning of like the return of like the skinnier you are, the more you work.
Speaker 1:
And then when I did see it, when it worked for me, when I like there was a period of time where I just dropped a ton of weight, probably lost 25 pounds at 510 and Sorry to say numbers, i don't know if that's triggering or whatever, but I lost all this weight. I looked like I was gonna die and the agency was clapping. They were like you look amazing, you look so good, you're doing it. Yeah, you're a fashion model. Like you don't even look like Lucy anymore, you look like a lucha from Eastern Europe. Like they thought I looked like a high-fashion girl suddenly and I was like okay. So I Remember that feeling, but then also feeling this like emptiness and just being so sad because my whole existence was that that like being the size that they wanted and that positive reinforcement was Not the best.
Speaker 1:
But then I started making a lot of money and I started working like crazy and I did a lot of big jobs and It was weird because, ironically, the biggest job, probably my whole career, was my L cover and I was actually Heavier then. Then I was for any of the other stuff. Those were like big jobs. But like the L cover, i was over what my supposed to be measurement was. I was over the amount that the agency wanted me to be, but I was on the cover of L at that size. So it was kind of an interesting dichotomy of Wait. I got on the cover of L at this size of the hip. That is not what they want.
Speaker 1:
I Kind of used that a little bit. I was kind of sassy about it. I think there were a few times when the agency sat me down about my weight and I was like Well, it's work. Anyway, like I said, i had like a resistance with authority and I think that, like sometimes that wasn't the cutest thing. But I also feel kind of proud of myself. That young me was like I don't want to be part of this corrupt thing with weight. I want to just be myself and be my natural set point weight.
Speaker 1:
But I fought hard and then I ultimately lost the battle with like just losing a lot of weight all the time and like being That skinny girl, i became an act girl on the board. The crazy thing is I went from like normal skinny to like, skinny, skinny to like. I was that girl on the board that got dropped sometimes from jobs for being too thin. That's big, that's crazy. And I had the talks with the agencies telling me I got too skinny and that's Also big. I remember when I went to LA for the first time those agents were like yo, we know it's intense in New York, but you're like way too thin, and that was really sweet, like that made me feel like they were actually, they cared about me. There were a few times too, with the career stuff, where A casting director would notice my weight and say, hey, Yo, i've seen you a few times and you look a lot skinnier. This is drastic And I was like thanks for noticing me, save me, please, get me out of here, please. So Yeah, but that's that some of the horror of the weight stuff.
Speaker 1:
But I think that the other thing is that I realized as I was doing more and more work that I had less control of the way that my image was being put out there And when it became more about making money and not curating my own brand or I hate that word brand but it was less about the quality of jobs and more about the price and the kinds of jobs that I started to feel a lot of discord inside And then even just I'm very sensitive and I feel like even just like little comments started to like really add up. So, like with my skin, like I just I had a lot of battles with my skin of like having it be clear and breaking out and stuff, and I would just brace myself Every time I sat in the makeup chair. I'd sit down and be like, okay, they're gonna tell you you have really bad skin, just go with it with a smile. And I learned so much mental toughness of just sitting there and be like they're gonna tell me this, this and this, just lean into it and be like, yeah, you're right. Okay, yeah, you think I shouldn't eat sugar? Okay, cool, like, just go with it. Make them think that they thought of the solution for your skin so that they think that you're likable because you're still trying to be on the job all day. Don't let it get to you, don't let it get under your skin, don't get sad.
Speaker 1:
But it was between that and like weight stuff. I just it was always just like bracing myself. I felt so calloused of just they're gonna say something about my skin or my size. So just go with it and just you don't even let it bounce right off of you And then you get to be in your own little space at the end of the day. Oh, it's making me sad. It's making me feel so sad Because then I would just go home and take it all off and be like, okay, now I get to be myself And no one is gonna tell me that there's something wrong with me. But that aside, i almost feel like like looking at myself right now and like, girl, if you couldn't hang, like, if you couldn't be in the heat, get out of the kitchen. That's kinda that was.
Speaker 1:
Like the other thing about it is like if it's so bad, why stay? And the problem is is that when you start so young, you kind of feel like there's nothing else you can do. And even though I'm smarter than that, like I know that there's more that I can do it just kind of traps you in because like the amount of money you're making to then pay your rent, live in amazing city like New York, it's kind of addicting. And also there's like this validation, like when you do get the big job and you're like booked, like fuck yeah, walk into Sephora, see your face two different places. Or, you know, go into a magazine store and you see your face on the cover next to Oprah. That's a little bit addicting because then you feel like you're doing something right and that's somehow like yes, okay, i'm doing it. Or you look at your bank account and you're like, okay, yeah, i'm good. So, frickin' modeling.
Speaker 1:
I feel like if I could tell someone, if someone was trying to get into modeling, i'd be like don't do it. Don't, because it does teach you a lot of things, but like, the kinds of things it teaches you are not necessarily productive for your head. So, yeah, the other aspect of all these horror stories that I think I should touch on is the creepy dudes. Cause creepy dudes. That should have been the beginning, the opener, but I wanted to save that for the end. Creepy dudes from beginning, middle end, it just that is. They love models. There's a word modelizer These guys that are obsessed with models. There's also the people in the industry that are creepy.
Speaker 1:
I loved gay guys. I feel like gay guys were my savior, like I always felt safe. Gay guys, i mean in Brooklyn I was living with what was it three dudes And I felt so safe because there was no. It was like the new girl, but it was like the gay new girl where I felt so like no one was trying to like sleep with me. That was kind of how it was in the fashion industry, where I just felt like safe around the gay guys but then afraid of the straight guys. And rightfully so, because even when I was 18 in Greece, i remember the first big editorial fashion photography shoot I did. The photographer told me to show up to his place an hour before everybody else so that he could show me some things which included pornographic material, and it was disgusting And I literally was like terrified the entire day, cause I was like why did he show that to me? This is gross, i'm scared, i don't feel safe That kind of stuff. That was like a one-off, really bad incident.
Speaker 1:
But there were more things, like there's stuff that I don't even want to get into cause it's just like so tragic with like the way men kind of the word groom is weird, because it's like I wasn't underage but I was pretty young And I feel like these things were very inappropriate for a professional situation. So even in my, when I was 27,. I was dealing with like weird harassment and like suggestive stuff And I was just like I'm too old for this, like I don't want to be in this situation anymore. I'm not that desperate. So, anyway, creepy dudes, i would say, is like the scariest part.
Speaker 1:
But then the internal hard like blows that you get from just getting day after day after day after day after day after day having things that you're in trouble for, that you're just like for eating too much and for having your skin break out or for having I don't know, just like all these things that you can't. You can control, but like what are you controlling it for? That's the stuff that I think is not the most healthy. So yeah, those are some of the modeling horror story things that kept me just not in the best place for a very long time. I get so excited when I like wake up and I'm just like, oh, okay, that's not my world anymore, that's not me, i don't have to do that. But I do look at like old photos and I get kind of like, wow, that was kind of crazy And like some of the stuff was kind of cool.
Speaker 1:
But there's some things I can say that I've done that I'm like, really that I think are pretty awesome. But then there are other things that I'm just didn't need to be there. But if I could go back I was talking to my boyfriend about this I was like, if I could go back and do it all again I don't know if I would I almost might have just gone to NYU for, like, journalism school or something Like. I don't know, it would be really hard, because there are some things that I'm like, well, i'm really glad I have that. Then there are other things where I'm like I could have died. So, anyway, that's what I have for today's show. Thanks so much for tuning in. You can find me on Instagram. I'm at Lucie Bajiex L-U-C-I-E-B-E-A-T-R-I-X. And until next time. Just be fast, just win.