Breaking Through Limiting Beliefs: How coaching helps with Kari Langkamp

Ever felt trapped by your own limiting beliefs? This week, we unravel the depths of this dilemma with our guest, Kari Langkamp, a master-certified life coach, writer, and dance and fitness instructor. We explore the challenges of finding our creative voice, especially as we navigate through the daunting 'is it good enough' sentiment. Kari shares her personal journey of launching a fitness business and obtaining coaching certification in the middle of a pandemic.

We examine the power of coaching and its ability to transform us, especially when we feel stagnated by our past or our own perceptions. Kari and I delve into the process of gaining self-awareness, and how we can harness it to differentiate when we're using our advice for either growth or sabotage. We also take a hard look at that slippery slope of procrastination, discussing how it often masks as productive activities, causing us to avoid the tasks we really need to do.

Finally, we confront the fears associated with responsibility and the journey to self-acceptance. We discuss the power of acknowledging these fears, and how it can open avenues for growth and creativity, even when things don't pan out as planned. As we wrap up this enriching dialogue, Kari and I reflect on the power of accountability and discuss the importance of recognizing our avoidance tactics. We part with a heartfelt expression of gratitude and a reminder of the magic that accountability can bring to our lives. Tune into the Mind Over Medium Podcast for a transformative journey into creativity, self-awareness, and personal growth.


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Transcript

Lea Ann Slotkin: 0:00

Welcome to Mind Over Medium, a podcast for artists who want to make money doing what they love. When you tune in a twink you will learn how to attract your ideal commissions, approach galleries for representation, have a great online launch of your work, and how to do it all with less overwhelm and confusion. You will have the opportunity to hear from amazing artists who will share how they have built their successful creative businesses. My hope is to create a space where artists and the creative curious can gather to learn about one of the most important tools creative entrepreneurs need in their toolbox their mindset. Thanks so much for tuning in to Mind Over Medium podcast. Let's get started.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 0:46

Hello, my creative friends. Today I'm so happy and honored to be chatting with Kari Langkamp, who is not only a dear friend, but a master certified coach, a writer and dance and fitness instructor. I appreciate you being here today and I'm trying something new with my guest, and you get to be my first one that I try it out on, so the listeners can get to know you a little bit better. I'd like for you to answer a few questions to start out. One I'd like to introduce yourself. Who are you? Where do you live? What do you do. Number two what does an average day look like for you? And number three describe a time in your life when you felt the most creative.

Kari Langkamp: 1:27

Awesome. My name is Kari Kangcamp. I'm a master certified life coach and I live in the Midwest. I'm in Wisconsin and my private coaching is largely with Midwestern women who are wanting to get unstuck and shift into something new. And outside of that, I also work as a contract coach and coach instructor in the life coach school, so that's where I spend most of my average days. So an average day for me it depends on the day, because I'm also at transition of one child in college, one with one year to go, and shifting gears also this time of year. So some of my days will involve me teaching a fitness class in the morning.

Kari Langkamp: 2:14

Then, quickly, I like to think of getting in the phone booth. I think that reference is probably old for people. I get it Women right Switch out of fitness clothes, get into clothes, sit down on Zoom and coach people. And then I also have a regular coaching column that I write every couple of weeks. So some weeks look like there's a little more writing, a little more creative process on that end. It just depends on the day and most, let's see. Your last question was created.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 2:42

Describe a time in your life when you felt the most creative.

Kari Langkamp: 2:46

Yeah, that one is a little more challenging to pick a specific one. You can have more than one if you want. Yeah, but I do think so, for I think I have taught group fitness and Zumba classes for more than 15 years now, and when I first started that business it was right about that time. I actually bumped into my former dance teacher from many years ago and I don't think I acknowledged that I was in a creative business at that point in time until she pointed out to me like aren't you creating something every time? You're putting together anything for your business and choreography for your classes? And it allowed me to redefine that literally everything I was doing was part of a creative process. I was figuring out a business from the ground up. I had no idea what I was doing marketing it All knew. So I definitely felt like that was not necessarily fine art creativity, but creative process ever.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 3:44

Sure, yeah, that's great. Thank you for sharing that. You're welcome. We met I was thinking about that in our coaching certification cohort in 2020. Is that right? Yeah, yes, and it's the pandemic. I made a note during the pandemic and I know we bonded over our Midwesternness because, even though I live in Georgia, I am from Illinois, so I think you you honed in on my lack of Southern accent pretty quickly.

Kari Langkamp: 4:13

Yes, I think our very first call that we had together one on one, even without the accent question. Like she's from the Midwest, I know.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 4:22

I can sniff us out. There's just something that we have I don't know what it is Midwestern. They're Midwestern, yes, and I am very happy to identify as a Midwestern, or at heart for sure. And I also remember going through certification and not that anything was great about the pandemic, but I'm so glad that I had that group, yes, and it's a great structure and support and it just really helped get through that time because that was tough in so many levels.

Kari Langkamp: 4:56

Yes, I feel like we were all dealing with the stress of the program, the stress of the pandemic and then all of the other regular life stress at the same time.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 5:05

Yeah, and it was definitely a group and make those connections. I know it was really good and we've stayed connected and close throughout. Yes, and you've coached, would you say, hundreds of people, thousands of people.

Kari Langkamp: 5:19

I meant to go back through and look at it. It's thousands at this point. It's thousands of sessions. Sometimes those are with same people coming through, obviously, but in two and a half years more than 4,000 sessions. That's amazing.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 5:38

You could find a common thought pattern among the creative people that you've had come through that you coach. Do you think you could identify that?

Kari Langkamp: 5:46

or maybe, oh yes, yeah, I was trying to give some thought to that and there's kind of two connected pieces that I would see. One is this idea of readiness and am I ready whether that's to actually say that I'm an artist or am I ready to sell my work or am I ready to share my work this idea of can I like, how do I know when I'm ready? And that is so closely tied to this idea. Is it good enough? And it's somehow internal rating scale that we put upon ourselves to compare to others and try to figure out where we stand. So I feel like that is. There are certainly other topics too, but a lot of them are always connected to this. Can I give myself permission to say that I am this and to go ahead and put it out there? And lots of pausing and waiting.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 6:45

That's one of the coaching one-on-one pause wait. So how do you help people through that? How do you help them through Knowing if they're ready, knowing if they're good enough, giving yourself permission, like how do you walk them through or walk with them through that?

Kari Langkamp: 7:03

Yeah. So I think a lot of that is really questioning, right, and it's questioning or thinking, and one of my favorite ways to do that is to just help people tell me what your definition of ready is. So often we haven't even considered, we just think, oh, when I get there I'll know it's some sort of thing that's like out there in the ethers and like magically it will show up and I will just know that I'm ready. And when we can actually put a definition to that, then we can have set our GPS. Oh, I'm believing that I'll be ready when I've sold this or done this or whatever. And then we can question like is that even true? Why aren't we ready right now? It's because I'm thinking this needs to look more like this or this needs to be a certain way, and we get to question all of those thoughts too and determine what is really true and do you find, when you ask those questions, ask them to define their readiness, what that means to them?

Lea Ann Slotkin: 8:10

Are they able to?

Kari Langkamp: 8:12

Most of the time, nobody has considered that they get to define that for themselves. They're expecting whether that's people purchasing tells them they're ready, or it's so often that determining factor they think is outside of themselves. And that's where that discussion allows us to explore so what if you got to decide that you are ready right now? What would be the problem with that? And usually that's where any kind of fear or apprehension or anxiety about oh, if I'm ready, if I think I'm ready, and it find out I'm not that's what we're trying to avoid is whatever that discomfort is, that disappointment, frustration, thank you, but we're hanging out in this current place of not putting ourselves out there, probably feeling some negative emotion About not doing what we want to do. So it's the trade-off.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 9:05

Yeah, I work with a lot of my coaching clients over this concept of putting your work out there, which I'm using air quotes, which is similar, and when you ask people to define that, it's like this thing that they can't really find put a point to, or because they've never been asked that it's just, oh, I'm not ready to put myself out there.

Kari Langkamp: 9:27

Yeah, yes, yeah. And when we actually ask them to define it, I'm sure you get a whole range of what out. There might be, yes, the person. It might be like posting it on social media. For somebody else, it might be gallery or anywhere.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 9:43

And some of it goes so far back, like old limiting beliefs, like I know Mine was very much about. Can you remember what it like? Something specific about being out there. It was like what people from high school thought of me, which they don't think about me, and I'm sure it's what. And when you start to Realize how our brain works to keep us, stay safe, yes, yes, theoretically say Thank you. Yeah, it can pull a number. It can really put a lot of roadblocks in front of us to pursue something that feels uncomfortable.

Kari Langkamp: 10:21

Yeah, yeah, definitely always trying to avoid that discomfort might come from the judgment of right. If judgment from a classmate felt awful in high school, of course my brain is going to think I should avoid that at all costs now, and the likelihood of it actually happening, yeah, great. And then the beauty of that is like the disappointment not actually coming from their words, the frustration, the sadness, whatever it is. We still have control. Yeah, we might want to feel some negative emotion if someone says something about work, we've put in lots of effort and what else is possible to Mm-hmm, do you find that people are Able to move through that pretty easily, or do they get to a certain point and then there's another block?

Kari Langkamp: 11:11

Yeah, I think it's like peeling back an onion, right, we peel back layer one and we might make some progress, and maybe we hit another. Oh, there's this other connected limiting belief. Right, just this readiness leads to is it good enough? Leads to whatever else down the line, right, we're continually finding that. But if we're willing to look at it and question it, then we have some power to move forward, rather than just believing the story and stopping or preventing ourselves from going further. Mm-hmm.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 11:47

And do you find what the people you work with, that they feel like they need to change their own mind before they can move forward, or do they Understand that it can just be a neutral place it doesn't have to be good or bad and also still move forward? And this is the long question. That's okay. The uncomfortable feelings may never go away.

Kari Langkamp: 12:09

Yeah, I think that's what hits the nail on the head for most of the people that I am talking with, and me included. Right, we're saying there's a switch. Right, if I could just find the off switch so that I never have those kind of thoughts again, then I can go forward, and then I can put my stuff out into the world, and then I can be who I want to be. And that's just not how it works, right? So it's this process of maybe coming to terms with that my brain might offer me these limiting beliefs. Like for who knows how long, maybe always Can I start to turn the volume down on that, like it's the radio station, rather than look for the off switch all the time?

Kari Langkamp: 12:49

We can turn the volume down and continue to work, even if we don't like the ad that's on the radio. But if we tell ourselves we can't work if the radio is on At all any volume, then we're stopped. So it's the ability to. Yeah, it might not always be comfortable and my brain might keep telling me it's not good enough. And so what? Mm-hmm?

Lea Ann Slotkin: 13:11

Do it anyway, Do you mind giving your brief description of limiting beliefs, in case people don't maybe don't understand what we're?

Kari Langkamp: 13:19

talking about. Yeah, so any belief is just a thought. We've practiced so often that we just are convinced it's absolutely true. So limiting beliefs are just that they're limiting, so they're preventing us from stepping into who we want to be. It can be any range of things. Oftentimes it's not good enough that, coming back to those core thoughts, and they're just like an undercurrent under everything, like they're so true that we don't catch them, like it just keeps showing up and we assume that's like a true thought in our brain and therefore it's blocking us from moving forward. And, yeah, hard to continue if we continue to believe that's true. Where do they come from? Do you think it could come from any number of places, but I'm.

Kari Langkamp: 14:08

Throughout our lifelong history we will find. Here's what has happened here. Now my brain is looking to the past, thinking that this is what's going to happen in the future. And right, the more we pattern, continued to create that pattern over and over, it just strengthens, strengthens it rather than allowing us to step away from it. Like you said, something happened in high school. We write that down in our little mental notebook of ooh, this didn't feel good. Something happens again. Oh, we use it as evidence. Oh, here it is again, and each time we're just building that limiting belief, even though it may never have been true in the first place.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 14:47

I know it's so crazy, it's a. Brains are so fascinating. Fascinating, I know, and sometimes frustrating.

Kari Langkamp: 14:59

Definitely.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 15:01

I've been eating and frustrating all at the same time. Let me go back and talk about coaching for you personally. How has that? How has Getting coached as often as we have both been coached and becoming a coach how has that changed you?

Kari Langkamp: 15:17

Ooh, that's a tough one in a short amount of time, right.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 15:21

We got all the time in the world.

Kari Langkamp: 15:22

Yeah, I think it completely changed my approach to so many things. Right, I couldn't become much more compassionate for myself and how I've shown up previously in my life. Oh yeah, of course I wasn't doing this because I was believing a limiting story, right, or a limiting belief, and the coaching. Now it's like I said the thoughts don't stop right, the story doesn't quit showing up. It's just now that I'm empowered to actually look at that story and know that I actually have some control, and I think so. There's the thinking piece of it that I can be more aware of what I'm thinking, and there's a willingness to actually feel the feelings that come up rather than try to avoid them.

Kari Langkamp: 16:13

It's not to say that I'm still not apt to go find a really amazing piece of chocolate at times when, I think of a certain way and whatever, insert your favorite advice, but I'm so much more aware of why I'm doing it and so then I can at least choose it like, hey, I'm choosing this for a reason right now, versus kind of diving into that pool of avoiding feelings and not knowing how to get out so many ways and just amazing connections through coaching as well, and being able to be around people willing to look at our thoughts is so empowering.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 16:51

How can you tell when you're maybe using your advice for good or for evil?

Kari Langkamp: 16:59

Yeah, good question For me is this something that I've chosen on the fly? Did I just find myself here without a whole lot of questions, kind of unconsciously? Yes. Is there some intention behind it? Did I decide on Monday hey, I can't wait, we're going to go have this and I can't wait to have this dessert. That's totally different than me on Tuesday night before I have a column deadline on a Wednesday, standing in front of my kitchen cupboard wondering why there is no really good chocolate there. So I may catch myself. But the intention behind it has everything to do with whether or not it's that buffering kind of avoidance activity, or if it's intentional and a choice that I'm choosing because I like my reasons.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 17:54

And I don't think the goal maybe the goal is to stop it altogether, but for me I know I feel pretty good if I can just shorten the window yeah, I think I'd touch that pause and be like, oh OK. But I do think what you said about. It's like going unconscious, almost Like you find yourself doing something. You're like wait what am I doing?

Kari Langkamp: 18:17

Yeah, I think anytime we can give ourselves like, if we see the patterns, oh, how can I help myself the next time I find myself in that position? Right, knowing that, yeah, sometimes my brain is going to do this. Sometimes I'm going to feel so much emotion that I don't want to. For me, that is in the writing process, so it's ooh, I need to get this finished. I have this deadline, and while I may be excited about it and have some creative ideas, actually getting them out of my body and onto the piece of paper feels like this process that requires me to face some emotions. So that is when I know like, all right, how can I support myself in that process? Because I'm going to want to get out of it while I'm in the writing process. I know that about myself not always, but often enough that I can prepare, and so I can just expect it rather than blame myself. Now I just look at it as, oh, yeah, sometimes this is part of my process. Yeah, now what?

Lea Ann Slotkin: 19:20

Yeah, Exactly, but Swinny, you said so. Do you have that with that resistance or the desire to go unconscious before a project with your dance or fitness or coaching, or does it show up more with writing?

Kari Langkamp: 19:36

I don't necessarily feel that way so much with coaching, like when I'm present with somebody, I'm present with them, but the beauty of that is I'm focused on their brain.

Kari Langkamp: 19:46

So I think, it's more when I'm focused on my brain. So, yeah, certainly, if I have choreography like I also teach middle school dance one night a week, so if I'm focused on choreography, I can expect the same thing my brain is going to be like, oh, I should really go put in the laundry now. I should do this, I should go do that None of the things that are going to help me complete three minutes of choreography. And I just know that's what's going to happen for me at this point.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 20:17

And in our world, in our coaching world, we call that buffering. Yes, do you mind giving a brief explanation? You're like the dictionary of coaching definitions today.

Kari Langkamp: 20:26

Yes, buffering is oftentimes what we're doing to seek some temporary pleasure as we're trying to avoid some discomfort. So if I'm trying to finish some choreography and it seems strange to think that doing laundry might be seeking pleasure, but it seems in that moment far more pleasurable than standing in my fitness room trying to figure out what move goes next in the next day counts, and so it could be anything. We can buffer with exercise, we can buffer with alcohol, we can buffer however you want to use that. If you don't want to use the word buffering. We can avoid all sorts of things Cleaning, shopping, netflix, social media, nude, the full realm of activities and it seems like a really great thing in the moment.

Kari Langkamp: 21:21

Oh, I feel so much better, and in the end you're not that much closer to your goal and usually not feeling all that much better in the scheme of things, but I do what you said. The expectation to eliminate that entirely is not helpful either. This is part of who we are as humans. So sometimes the latest episode of my favorite show on Netflix might be what I choose to buffer with.

Kari Langkamp: 21:52

If I cannot beat myself up for that, so much easier to get back on track.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 21:58

Yeah, and we're not saying any of those things. They could be delightful and relaxing, and they're not all that bad.

Kari Langkamp: 22:05

It's the intention too. It comes back to that Certainly, if I decided, hey, tonight I'm looking forward to watching whatever it is, that's not buffering. We can still choose to do all of those activities for reasons we like. Just one more buffering. Maybe sometimes don't love our reasons quite as much.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 22:28

Yeah, I can tell, I can feel it in my body, like I can feel it when it starts, when it tips over that edge and it's funny, I recorded a solo podcast episode about this. About with research, like how research, like reading or googling or watching a YouTube video on how to do X, y and Z, it really does feel like quote unquote work and it is up to a point. So like that virtuous buffering or virtuous avoiding I don't know if virtuous is the right word, but yeah, so it can be a slippery slope.

Kari Langkamp: 23:04

Yes, yeah, because especially when those activities look like helpful, useful, productive things and they can be it's just are they productive in what you were actually choosing and wanting to produce at that time?

Lea Ann Slotkin: 23:20

Yeah, I know. For me it's usually going against what. I've not keeping my word to myself. I've said I'm going to do X, y and Z, but instead I'm cleaning the house or watching a show, or even going for a walk. I'm like OK.

Kari Langkamp: 23:36

Yes, Am I using this to get away from the thing that I really actually want? Yeah, and for me it oftentimes feels like you said. I can feel it in my body as well. It's almost like a frenzied or like the vibration is different. There's the way I'm holding my body is different. If I can get myself to pause, I'll notice it right away. Yeah, and sometimes the activity is what I'm looking for to get rid of that vibration. If I could just sit and watch Netflix, then I'll calm down. Or if I could just sit and do this like research for a website or whatever, I think that will go away. And yet it doesn't always do that.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 24:20

So yes, again, frustrating and fascinating. Yes, going back to Lemony Beliefs, I had a thought Do you ever give practical tips or anything to your clients for helping them uncover those or explore them a little bit, because sometimes they're just unconscious, like we've never been taught or encouraged to question them.

Kari Langkamp: 24:45

Yeah, I think in coaching, one of the tools that we use is dumping out your thoughts every day. I think when you start to do that, in whatever form that is for you, whether it's like writing down all the problematic thoughts that you've had or whether it's just journaling about your day I currently am in morning pages, so for me it's just starting to look at okay, what are the thoughts that are coming up currently regularly, frequently Can I start questioning whether or not those are all true. What is factual in my life? So that awareness piece obviously super important. And then in coaching, at least in the style of coaching that we're both trained in, right, using the model, so separating out what are the facts, what am I thinking, how do I feel when I'm thinking that way?

Kari Langkamp: 25:38

Again, getting right back to that buffering what am I doing when I'm feeling that way and what do I create? So that kind of awareness is super important and I feel like it's also super important in that practice to get used to looking for and watching for those and getting curious, but also to give yourself the opportunity to practice new beliefs. So it's this while we need to really know what's going on currently, we can also think ahead to our future self. Like what is that version of me responding to this thought with? Not that this limiting belief necessarily will disappear, but how does the version of me that I want to be respond? And we can play back and forth? The everyday might be the unintentional version for a while, and that's okay, but yeah.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 26:26

Yeah, it just cracks open enough light in the window for us to have a little bit of choice. Yes, do I want to keep this? Do I want to question it? Is it true? Just to get curious, really. Just, it just opens us up to curiosity and if we can do that without judging ourselves or making it good or bad, which that's where I have a hard time because I'm like, oh, and I think you and most people right Like, our brains are programmed.

Kari Langkamp: 26:55

So often we beat ourselves up for judging, and that's really what our brain it's I like to put it this way it's categorizing. Somehow that feels less, less stressful for people right, my brain's job is to categorize like where does this fit in my life, how does this work? And yeah, these are these thoughts that I'm having every day. I wonder why they're here. Curiosity might feel unsafe to explore that initially, but if we can just say, interesting, there they are for a while and then maybe we can build up to curiosity rather than just stating, oh, I must have a problem because these thoughts are coming up.

Kari Langkamp: 27:31

They're coming up for lots of people.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 27:34

Yeah.

Kari Langkamp: 27:34

It's not a problem that they're there, unless we make it a problem.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 27:38

Do you find that people in your experience I don't know if the word is suffer, but like suffer through the same kind of rotation of judgmental thoughts, limiting beliefs, things like that?

Kari Langkamp: 27:52

I think it's fairly common to write. If I'm understanding your question right, there's very similar limiting beliefs that many of us have, just like the readiness to be not good enough, the like, that kind of the worthiness kind of thoughts or unworthiness as maybe in the negative sense. And so they're just different variations on those. And, yeah, it's completely normal in human for us to have them. And the part where we add on more suffering is when we beat ourselves up for having them to begin with. Yeah, they're there, interesting, okay. So why am I thinking this about myself? Why am I not believing I'm ready? Why am I not believing this is good enough? What would that be? That when we can start questioning, that gives us so much more room for growth, room for a shift. Even sometimes just the tiniest shift can make all the difference. Like adding the words of maybe I'm not ready yet is such a big difference that I'm not.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 28:59

Yeah, little space, yeah, and I do think that whole idea of one percent better or just a one percent shift, I do think we want the big swings, we want the. That's what we see on social media and that's what people present with oh, I was this, now and that, and from this to that, there were a thousand one percent better decisions, actions, thoughts, but we see the end result. So we can get caught up in this idea that we should be after the one big swing to get us to the goal, which that's really not reality.

Kari Langkamp: 29:40

Yeah yeah, my dad is a softball coach. He's been a coach for 40 years, six really successful teams, and we had a batting cage in our backyard. My grandpa would come down and the girls would come practice and one of the things that he would remind them is that you don't just practice the home runs, you practice the singles and the doubles and the triples and the bunts and like all of the little things. And I feel like it goes with that right. We're all expecting to go up and hit the grand slam every time and that just isn't realistic. And it's all of those small practices that help prepare you to be able to create the result you want, which may never look like a grand slam to someone outside. Yeah, okay.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 30:28

Doesn't mean it isn't in the cumulative effect. Absolutely. What about? Let's go back to that readiness Like how would you, what questions would you ask someone if they're like I'm not ready? Like yeah, how?

Kari Langkamp: 30:43

would you like scratch that.

Kari Langkamp: 30:45

Yeah, first. So like, why not, let's look at all the reasons you're not ready and really explore those, because oftentimes we'll find, oh wait, actually that one's not. We can debunk them almost one by one and really look at, and that process helps us redefine. Okay, so if it's not any of these or if it's some new variation of this list of reasons we've come up with, then what is it? Oh wait, maybe we just get to decide we are. And if that's the case, the other piece. Sometimes, when people want to go to that new version, I might be asking okay, so what's stopping you from believing you're ready right now? And that's what we need to explore.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 31:33

Do you find that when you dig a little bit deeper and you open up this world to people and by asking really good questions, and we at one point all come to the realization of how much control we have over it, do you find that people like that or don't People?

Kari Langkamp: 31:51

being me sounding thing that I kept coming to in a lot of my coaching, for probably it still shows up for me. Of course, maybe not quite as frequently as it used to, but initially I'd get to the end of a coaching session and be like, oh seriously, you're telling me, I get to decide again.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 32:10

I'm responsible. Okay, I guess it is on me to decide that I'm ready.

Kari Langkamp: 32:14

I guess it is on me to decide that this is good enough. I guess it is on me to decide I can do this right now. It doesn't even really matter. But I would say for the first year that I was getting consistent coaching. 90% of my sessions ended with me like, oh, that again. And so there was some resistance like why is it a problem to have that control? We're looking for someone else outside of us to say, yep, that's a good choice. That's the A student in me that would come from wanting the approved choice, and so there's some fear involved in allowing yourself to go forth in whatever it is, whatever your choice is.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 33:05

Yeah, because with that there's a lot of autonomy and independence and the world is your oyster, kind of thinking. But on the flip side it's like, oh, all those other things that didn't go the way I wanted them to or didn't turn out how I thought, that's on me to. Yeah, so it's a. It's definitely 50-50. It's a equally good and bad realization.

Kari Langkamp: 33:34

Yeah, and at least even if we can acknowledge the 50 that we're maybe not so thrilled about actually literally just having a discussion with my daughter this morning before we hopped on here about that and the growth that's available from acknowledging that is where your power lies, too, like when we expect ourselves to be 100% on the positive all the time. We miss so many opportunities for growth. Yeah, of course I'm not going to make like the right, perfect choice every time.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 34:07

So what I know? It's just part of being human.

Kari Langkamp: 34:10

Yeah, yeah, the part that you don't always want.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 34:15

I hope so, chiro. Yes, yeah, here's a question for you. What do you believe about your ability to create what you want?

Kari Langkamp: 34:25

If you had asked me that, probably five years ago, pre-coaching, I would have had a very different answer, much less I don't want to use the word certain much less hopeful, and at this point I do feel like what I end up creating may not look exactly like I envisioned it originally, but I do have faith that I can create, or put myself on the path to create, something like what I want to. Going through master coach training certainly was part of that for me, and here's a result that was actually assigned to me. Can I create it? Can I make this happen? Turns out I can, but it's not like a straight and narrow path with a direct superhighway speed. It might be a winding road with some detours and some bumps and chocolate and some Netflix and some coaching and some thought work Some Marco Polo to my friend Karen yes, yes.

Kari Langkamp: 35:32

And that's my friendly end and that's okay. The end result if we take away the time pressures that we keep putting on ourselves, it also frees up so much. If we just trust yeah, this is going to happen. Some variation on this result that I'm hoping to create is possible. For me, it opens up a lot of space to find our way there in more than one route.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 35:58

Yeah, so you have confidence in your ability to create what you want, and it sounds like you have confidence. And you also accept that the road, instead of being a straight line, might be curvy and bumpy, and you're okay with that.

Kari Langkamp: 36:13

Yeah, I think it's. I have confidence in my ability to overcome my lack of confidence at times. Yeah, yeah, that's, if I can put it that way. No, but I can set my goals on something and it's probably not going to look exactly like what I wanted and I'm probably going to have all sorts of thoughts come up with doubt, and it can still happen and that's totally normal.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 36:37

Yeah, yeah, that's a good way to look at it. How do you support your creativity? You mentioned morning pages. What else do you do?

Kari Langkamp: 36:46

That has been an ongoing, I think, area of discovery for me. I think when we first met I said oh, I just love that you are all in on your art and it's amazing. And I've been a dabbler. My grandmother painted for years. Actually, at her funeral, no one, very few people. We had all of her paintings up. No one had any idea that she'd painted.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 37:08

I remember you telling me that story, that was like sweet and sad.

Kari Langkamp: 37:12

Yes, and I don't think it bothered her. She didn't. Yeah, it wasn't important to her to sell it, share it. She gave her pieces to friends, those kinds of things. If it was, she never shared that, at least. So I don't know about that. But I was surrounded by my dad as a woodcarver. My other grandma was always crafting, creating things. I was surrounded by people who make stuff, and so for me, for a long time I was questioning my creativity because my make stuff is more in words or in movement, and yet I still like to dabble in the make stuff area. So my latest is just working on hand lettering just for fun. Literally one word a day, and if it takes more than my allotted time, it just has to wait until the next day. But at least it gives me a little space to meditate on a word and have a creative outlet, and that is a physical thing when I'm done with it, even though writing is. It's just a little bit different in my brain and that's my own mental work I need to do.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 38:19

Hand lettering is no joke.

Kari Langkamp: 38:22

This is my current practice of learning the 1%. I think I picked it up probably five or six years ago and I started and then all of the stuff went to a cabinet because my letters didn't look like the end product and I just decided it wasn't any good at it. So not that long ago that I was like wait a minute, Maybe my letters aren't supposed to look like the end product yet.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 38:50

Yeah, starting Of course they're not.

Kari Langkamp: 38:53

So that's where I'm at, just testing it out now.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 38:58

That sounds fun. It does sound like. It sounds relaxing, does it feel?

Kari Langkamp: 39:01

relaxing it does. I can remember as a kid my dad, on phone calls, would be doodling and he'd have a whole page of essentially what is hand lettering. I was always fascinated by it. He would just be doing that while he was sitting there. It is almost like a mindfulness practice to some degree Just being present with what does the paper feel like, what does the pen feel like, what does pencil feel like, whatever I'm using, and just being present with it, not caring whether or not it looks good enough when it's done.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 39:33

Yeah yeah, I'm left-handed, so writing is always it. It's never been a strong suit.

Kari Langkamp: 39:42

My friend was left-handed as well, and a painter, but it's just one.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 39:48

The painting. It doesn't bother me at all, it's just. I think it goes back to some of my Catholic school days. We had to this is a silly story we learned cursive but we had to use a fountain pen For some reason and, being left-handed, mine would just smudge. I had to contort my hand. I'm like what was it? It was like we were in Little House in the prairie or something. I'm like why are we using a fountain pen? Oh well, wow, yes, oh my gosh, what does self-acceptance mean to you?

Kari Langkamp: 40:24

Mm. That is the challenge is to just be okay with all right, here I am today, all the good and the bad, and I think that self-acceptance and self-compassion for me are the two pieces that go together and that's definitely daily work for me. Okay, here's where I'm at, here's where I'd hope to be at, here's where I'm at now. They don't necessarily match up. Okay, can I be okay with that. Some days I'm more okay with that than others, and that's just getting okay with that and seeking whatever self-care is right for you, right For me. That's getting coaching and oftentimes it's reaching out to someone on Marco Polo or it's reaching out to someone to connect. Hey, can I help myself in whatever way feels fulfilling, uplifting, give myself that space to be where I'm at. Sometimes that's frustrated, sometimes right, like acknowledging all the feelings.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 41:31

Yeah, yeah, acknowledging all those feelings. Yeah, it's a practice, like I have to practice it. Yeah, because I was not taught that at all.

Kari Langkamp: 41:42

Oh, no, I don't think it's yeah, yeah, yeah, acknowledge certainly wasn't taught and definitely like holding space and processing and being able to feel them, certainly wasn't.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 41:56

So, yeah, and definitely not to label them. Yeah, no, I had a thought and it just escaped me, oh my gosh. Anyway, I don't want to take up too much of your time, but what would you like to share with people Like where can they find you, and all of that?

Kari Langkamp: 42:19

Yes, you can find me on my website, which is wwwheycarryan, but it's spelled K-A-R-I-A-N-E dot com. Hey Carryan, yes, little play on the song, and you can certainly submit questions. I answer written coaching questions in my column every other week and those are shared on my website. So free written coaching that way, and you can find all of my other information there as well.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 42:48

I'll put it all on the show notes. This has been lovely. It's always so nice to talk to you. I think that I saw your website, which looks really good. By the way, I know you got your photos updated, but you've updated your website too. I did.

Kari Langkamp: 43:03

Looks really good. A little help from my graphic design brother for that one.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 43:07

I love your color palette. That was awesome. It's really nice. You say something about your Midwestern niceness, which I think is something that we both have, and I think it's a delight, because I find you delightful and thank you for sharing and you're so smart and generous with your knowledge and I'm happy you're my friend and thank you for explaining a lot of the coaching terms and all of that.

Kari Langkamp: 43:33

It's been fun to talk with you, pleasure to talk with you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, anytime. It's a pleasure to be here in your podcast space.

Lea Ann Slotkin: 43:42

Well, I'm happy to have you. Thank you. We're going to Midwestern nice people to death at the end we are. So thank you, Carrie, yes, thanks. Thank you so much for listening to Mind Over Medium Podcast today. If you found the episode inspiring, please share it with a friend or post it on social media and tag me on Instagram at leanslotkin, or head to my website, wwwleanslotkincom to book a discovery call to find out more about working with me one on one. You can also head to my website to get a great tool I've created for you to use when planning your own online launch of your artwork. It's an exercise I've taken many of my coaching clients through and it's been very helpful. It's my way of saying thank you and keep creating.