Living Left

Holiday Traditions, Rewritten

• Ann-Marie Burton, Tanya Garcia • Season 1 • Episode 9

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We reflect on how holiday traditions evolve as kids grow up, parents age, and priorities shift, and how to honour what still brings joy without carrying the entire mental load. Expectations ease when we calendar the moments that matter and let the rest flex.

• Redefining tradition as values shared, not fixed events
• Midlife realities of time, aging parents, teens, and adult children
• Opting out of rituals that drain and doubling down on those that delight
• Calendars, boundaries, and gentle “mandatory fun”
• Feminist lens on holiday films and the three words we want to hear
• The mental load, control loops, and how to actually share help
• Experience gifts that build one-to-one connection across generations
• Christmas mornings that move from sunrise to brunch without losing magic
• Permission to travel, rotate hosting, and change your mind year to year

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SPEAKER_01:

This is Living Left, the raw space where we redefine success, purpose, and identity through honest, unfiltered conversation. We're navigating business, family, change, chaos, one left turn at a time. It's not about finding what's next. It's about owning what's left. Join us and let's go there. Hi Tanya. Hello, Emory. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas to one and all. Just looking at what time it is here because Santa's gotta watch her time so we don't go on forever. Anyway, okay. I know what time it is. So Merry Christmas. We're gonna have a little chat about the holidays. You ready for that? I am so ready for that. It's December. It's ready. Well, we're like into December. Holiday parties have started, everything has begun. So we thought we might chat a little bit today about holiday traditions and how they change and how they change in this new stage of life that we're in. I don't like keep saying that we keep saying in this new stage of life. We should just say how I don't it makes me feel old. Why don't you like that?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, because it makes you feel old. No, I don't think it's about being old. I think it's about honoring and celebrating a shift. Like I think that I get it. Listen, I get it. You know, you say 50, 51. Not 50 yet, Tanya. I know. I am though.

SPEAKER_01:

I am four and a half, almost five months.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, I am already well into that. I'm 51. Um I don't think well in.

SPEAKER_01:

If you were like 50, if you well in means halfway through. You're just in your early 50s.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I mean to say that I fully embraced the potential of this decade. Oh.

SPEAKER_01:

So like I'm over that's a great sentence. I fully embraced the potential of this decade.

SPEAKER_00:

And that's a real thing.

SPEAKER_01:

In older terms, we would have said that's a tweetable fact.

SPEAKER_00:

But now tweetable fact. No, I do think I I understand the transition. It's for some might be harder than others. You hit each decade. I don't think like turn it the fit like this decade is any different than maybe when you're turning 40 or when you're turning 30, or you're right. It's all the same. But I think it is important for us to continuously remind ourselves and our audience, whoever might be listening, that a lot of what we're talking about is around kind of this particular time. And so our our point of view is surrounding that, which I think is important, right? So yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

I was gonna say, how have your holiday wishes changed? How have how have your holiday wishes changed in your 30s, 40s, and 50s? That's an interesting or 20s.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I think it all also comes down to um we may be at similar ages, but our life is slightly uh on a different path depending on the age of our children. Like I think there's that to acknowledge as well. So yeah, if you think of how it changes, like in your 20s, it's all about building your life, right? Um, you have probably little responsibility depending on when you have your children, right? Like it's just you, yourself, and maybe, you know, a significant other, but it's it's I mean, uh we'd have to interview someone in their 20s. I think us growing up in our 20s is different than the 20-year-olds these days, right?

SPEAKER_01:

But 20s, it's about doing what your family traditions have always been, but you're participating versus leading. That's exactly right. That's a very good point. But you're not leading, and then there's a switch when you become like you're not hosting, like maybe you're hosting your friends, but you're not the lead of the big show. No, and I mean, clearly we're wearing Santa hat, so that's like uh Christian traditions we're talking about, but I think it's like could be any traditions that anyone participates in. Yeah, you're participating, you're a per participant, and maybe not necessarily a careful observer, you're just participating, you know. Like I don't know. Then you're probably preoccupied. Yeah, I don't know if I really want to. I don't know. We'd have to ask a 20-year-old. Well, what are our kids' roles right now? They're full participants.

SPEAKER_00:

Full participants, and then 30s is you know, you start building some people start to start their own family. And I do believe that there's a tension between still wanting to do everything that you grew up doing and pleasing others, and that with a tension over I want to create my own traditions with my family, and there's all of that. I think that happens probably in your 30s, into your 40s, as people are having kids later in life. And then it's like full-blown, whatever your tradition is, elf on the shelf, whatever you do during this time of year. And then there's no expectation, almost at a point, like, do I even put up a tree? Is anyone home? I don't see the tree.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know if anyone is okay.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm trying to be funny. I'm trying to be funny. But the reality of it is if your kid is not home, okay. So, like I have two kids out. Yeah, they're not really home. Okay, they're home a little bit because of certain circumstances, but in theory, they're not coming home until after exams.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So I'd say it becomes important to what do what you want to do. Exactly. So for example, so what traditions do you so let's discuss what traditions we've now assumed you've had a decade at least of traditions that you've created yourself. You're the lead in the traditions. You may also be participating in traditions your family of origin have has done. Like you've kind of created a melting pot of what is now your family traditions. Like, like a very small example is like Easter or Easter. Christmas. We're not there Christmas Eve dinner. I don't know what your tradition is on Christmas Eve dinner, but I grew up in Montreal, as I know you did as well. Um, my parents are not francophone, but when they moved there and started their own traditions, they started to having tortier on Christmas Eve, along with baked beans and like other. But tortier and baked beans are like staple in our family for Christmas Eve. Therefore, that became something I now do with our family. So you it's like a melting pot, you kind of assimilate on things. Agreed. So it's not my mom making the tortiere, it's me getting a giant tortier at Costco. But it's still the tradition. So, but then other things evolve. Like, do you still want to do that? And so there's things, but I guess the thing is like traditions like decorating the tree. So you're debating whether to put up a tree, will anyone see it? I have I have a three trees I put up, but no kids who are home, only one, the youngest one to participate. So to be clear, I have put up my tree. You did because it brings me, yeah, of course, because it brings me joy. Yeah, exactly. So we need to decide whether we were gonna wait for people to come home, or we did one when a kid was home for reading week really early just to get some festive spirit. So those are the things that change. There's it's not you're not waiting for you can choose to wait for everybody, but I would wait till halfway through December. Well, that's exactly so instead my kid rolled in last night for and had not seen the trees up and actually did a little tour when she got home to like see everything. Toply. Which I was like, oh, I think it is important.

SPEAKER_00:

Um, I will like agree with that in that when the kids have popped in momentarily, you know, I think them just seeing it up and and even if they're not as they don't participate as maybe they once did because life doesn't allow for that. Um, there's a level of home and comfort, right? Like in in just uh coming home to that, I just think is is definitely important. I think really it comes down to um flexibility and allowing it to just organically become what it's going to become naturally as kids get older.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, okay, I'm gonna debate you a little bit on that because I agree with you. We have to leave space for things to change, like that. That's what I think you mean by flexibility. Like you need to, okay, we're still gonna decorate the tree, but maybe we're not gonna change the code.

SPEAKER_00:

You hold on to the core, yeah. But it may not just show up the way it always did, and that's okay. Let go of that stuff, pick your battles.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, but I do think that some mandatory fun and schedule of some component works well with a growing family. So saying, so if you did want everyone to be there for the tree, then you do need to like drop it in their Google Calendar. You need to tell be very clear with your expectations. Sure. And you do that, or you decide I'm gonna decorate the tree on my own because that brings me joy, or whoever's around is gonna come decorate the tree, and that's that's gonna happen. But maybe we create new traditions. So one of the, and I don't know if it's a new tradition, but like last year, for example, we went to the distillery district for the day, which finally everyone was home, everyone was available, and that was one of my favorite things of the whole holiday season. Exactly. Was that day usually we would have done certain other things like the nutcracker? I've been going to the nutcracker every single year since I was little. Yeah, and we missed it last year, we're missing it this year. Yeah, but it's okay, like something else will come out, and I'm not like gonna die on that one. But there are things like are you gonna bake?

SPEAKER_00:

I never bake. No.

SPEAKER_01:

You never bake, that wasn't part of your tradition.

SPEAKER_00:

No, it was definitely not part of the tradition.

unknown:

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00:

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01:

You know what do you mean?

SPEAKER_00:

I believe there's many.

SPEAKER_01:

That's not part of that. Was never, did you do that with your mom? Nope. Or dad?

unknown:

Nope.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, nope, no, I don't think it's as much of a a Spanish or it's like maybe Italian, like that's like fish on Christmas Eve, but we never really did that. I think there's probably a lot of people, Emory. Once again, so funny. There's a lot of people out there who don't bake at Christmas. It's the only time I do bake.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_00:

And I believe that there's a lot of people who do do it in an organized way, and I would love that. Like I was just looking, someone was doing that where they had an annual and the you do cookie exchanges and that sort of thing. If I was part of that, absolutely. Um, but what do you mean you've never come to a cookie exchange that I've organized? No, that's not a priority of mine at all. Like, so I get together with a lot of like my friends, but it's usually like going out for dinner and drinking wine. Like it was never you've never done a cookie. Have you ever done a cookie exchange? Nope. I mean, I've participated in agencies I've worked at. Sometimes there's been one. So maybe I've cooked I baked cookies once, but I don't enjoy baking. So I feel like we need to do this together. I would prefer to do something else. Like, I'll be honest. Like, if you're already doing it, I think that's the other thing. I think it's just actually a really good point. It's everyone approaches like their traditions, etc., and it's all okay. So it's like to like, you know, we're besties. So like uh we could do, we don't have to just because I know you love it, and that's amazing. You're doing that already with your people who love to do that. I would rather do something that the two of us could do together that we both enjoy. Like, you don't all need to be doing the things. And I think that that is a really important thing for women. Women sometimes can get pigeonholed into what do you mean you don't do cookie exchange? What do you mean you're not going to see Santa? What do you mean you're not doing this? And it's like, you know what? No, I'm not. And it doesn't mean that my Christmas is any less, better, valuable or whatever. Just do what works for you. And I think that that I think is important for all of us to remember that it could very possibly look entirely different for someone else. And that's okay. Like it's totally okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Well, like our team was over, I don't know if it was this year or last year, but I do take my kids to see Santa. Yes. And I early when they were very young, my husband worked for a company that had a big Christmas party every year, and there was a Santa. And so it started, the tradition was coordinated. We had that too. We had that too. And they would print it out, and so every year I started framing it, and then I would just put it away with the decorations. So we have, you know, 20 years of kids with Santa, and those little photos come out and they're kind of a display in our house, which I enjoy because it shows me that time has passed, and oh, look how everyone's grown. And there's been years where we've done it with the cousins and 100%. That's great. But I know I have them all up on a wall or on a on a shelf, and our team came over who has younger kids, and they were like, Oh, I didn't do that. I should have done that. And I agree with you. There should be no guilt. No, you don't. You don't have to do that. That just happened to be an organic, like we just happened to get the photos, and then it just we just did it every year.

SPEAKER_00:

And everyone does it differently.

SPEAKER_01:

Doesn't it? It's okay. It's a problem if you don't do it. It's okay. I would agree. I totally agree. But I do want the photo every year. Yeah, and that's a that's a try to keep doing that. Of course, as you should. In fact, I have purchased a Santa suit that if we can't go, somebody has to dress up as Santa.

SPEAKER_00:

I think that's amazing. So I'll come over and dress up as Santa. I'll be your Santa.

SPEAKER_01:

You could, you could be Mrs. Claus. Yeah. No, I could be.

SPEAKER_00:

Does it have to be gender specific?

SPEAKER_01:

I could totally be Mr. Claus for now. Did you um have you watched the new Amazon show called Oh What Fun?

SPEAKER_00:

No, I need to, though, because I saw him interviewed. Who?

SPEAKER_01:

Who was him? It's Michelle Pfeiffer. No, it's the Michelle Pfeiffer.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm thinking of it someone where they interview, they come up with the Asana. So I thought it was something. No, no, no, no. Yes, it's I did watch No, I watched it. I watched it.

SPEAKER_01:

Honestly, I didn't love it. So I agree. I watched it twice though. I watched it once with a girl group of girlfriends where I thought it was gonna be super funny. For those who have not seen it yet, it's Michelle Pfeiffer, and she's the mom that does it all at Christmas, and then um she gets disappointed by her family who did not pitch in and did not show gratitude, and so she left and she literally leave her. It's like reverse home alone. They go out on something, they leave her home, and she's alone, and so then she basically says she's like, screw you, I'm out of here. So I watched it with friends, and we all went the same thing, eh? Not that good. But then I watched it last night with the kid that just came home from school and my husband, who I was thinking should catch some lessons out of this show, and it was better the second time, way better the second time, actually. I don't know. I think I went in thinking it was gonna be super funny, and it's actually emotional in a couple points. It's like a it's like a Griswold kind of way where there's funny moments, but also some tender moments.

SPEAKER_00:

It had potential. I think that's what it is. Like when it started with the intro, and again, anything that starts with any form of we're gonna counter any level of misogyny, or you know, it's always about because I never thought about that. All the Christmas shows are about the dad, Christmas vacation, everything's everything. And I never so when it started that way, I was like, okay, you got you got me hooked because I'm like as a feminist, I'm like, yeah, let's go. And then I was like, and I think that's probably the intent that it needs to be kitschy. It was kitschy, it was just kind of like all Christmas movies are kitschy though. They are, but I think maybe you know what? I just don't think it was well executed. No, Michelle Pfeiffer, she's great, but like I just I just don't think the cast was as strong. So okay, here's what I have some observations.

SPEAKER_01:

Let's discuss because it's I have some keen ones.

SPEAKER_00:

But I think the so the potential was there. Like, even like they should have had Eva Longoria and way more. Like I just feel like it it they were probably trying to wrap it like we don't all get the point. Like it just took anyway. So I loved the premise. I'm here for it is the woman and everyone forgets and whatever. But even the dynamic between the daughter and the the it's what we're talking about. Yes, it's exactly what we're talking about. The transition that gets into she had now has well, she has grandkids, so she's older than us. Um, but it's like she's trying to do all the things that mainstream you do, like the elf in the shelf, and her daughter saying, But we have an elf on the shelf. Yeah, so what are your traditions? So there were was premise, but I just don't think it was executed. They tried to wrap everything so quickly.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Like where was the the the delivery person in the hotel room? I feel like that alone could have been hilarious.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah. I want to know her story, and why didn't she drive her around? Like she would have had a whole nother see.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel like I could have rewritten it a little bit.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, but I also, but okay, so in this, there's that's my critique. Yes. What about you? The plot. So if we're going, so if we're going up, if it's a feminist story about mom does everything and she's overwhelmed and she does all the things and nobody notices, and then she actually says F you and gets and leaves. Yes, two things bothered me. In her absence, the oldest daughter stepped up. I would have really liked it if the oldest daughter's husband and her stepped up, or if they all stepped up, or maybe the dad, the dad, is he really this incompetent?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, so I think they were making fun. I think so. In true kitschy things, they're extreme about every role. So I think they were super extreme about what's his name? Um, the actor. Anyway. Oh, I know what you're doing. Dennis Leary. Yes. Dennis Leary, who's awesome. Um, but wasn't really awesome together. Can he? I mean, the funny thing is those Barbie houses are brutal. Like he gets his that was funny. So they were funny. I like that we're not have we're not in that phase anymore. So my whole point was there was a quick dynamic between him and he calls in his two constructive. Hilarious that was. And then they start arguing. That should have been a solid five minutes. Like and it was just like a anyway, but I'm with you.

SPEAKER_01:

But in that moment, my daughter said, Did you guys build my Barbie dream house?

SPEAKER_00:

And we're like, Yeah, that doesn't come together, dude. All those flipping stickers that go in all the spots. Like, so I did. A one plus B2 in this section. I do enjoy that. And then, like, so the messages throughout were strong. Like, even it when she's like, there was a point, uh, don't want to give away, but like, not that it matters, but every woman wants to hear three words and they're like, I love you. So like, how like can I help? Which is exactly it. But I do think, you know, it's self-perpetuating because we tend to want to control things too. Like, here you and I are having a conversation about do you bake, do you do this? Like, we put that on everyone. Like, I think there is a responsibility that we as women have, especially our generation of women who were brought up by baby boomers. Like, yeah, we want to control the entire scenario. And now we realize that that is, you know, the promise of balance and the promise of fulfillment is a lie. And um now we're like, what the F with all of that? So um so I did like it. It had some really good points, but I just don't think it was there was maybe so much. So maybe I do need to watch it a second time.

SPEAKER_01:

Watch it a second time. Yeah. And there's I probably didn't catch it all parts I didn't I didn't catch. And there I'm like That's smart.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

It's worth it's worth a second watch. And then for anyone who's watching it with a spouse, uh, I also think there was an interesting point at the end. Yeah, what did there's acknowledgement where he's like, I just want to let you know, like you're what you've been doing behind the scenes has not been behind the scenes. Like he's appreciating and expressing gratitude. That's good.

SPEAKER_00:

Great. You have a good man though.

SPEAKER_01:

So, but here's my other thing. I was like, that's great, but like he never says, How can I help? So I was like, that's fascinating to me. Because I don't want to get it wrong.

SPEAKER_00:

No, seriously, we we've created this monster. We knew that, right? Yeah, it's not an excuse, it's not an excuse. Listen, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01:

That was my next point. But we've created it. We have created so we have inherited, so what is it about the holiday traditions? You've inherited traditions that maybe came from like our mothers or their mothers or whatever, and now you're trying to create it, and now we're in the space where we probably have people around us that are old enough to do some of these things uh for us, and we're holding on to it. So when they do say, How can I help? We need to allow them space and time or whatever. So I have so baking, great example. I have not baked yet this year. I didn't bake at all last year because I eat it. I don't want to eat it. Well, that's a big reason why I really want to eat that either. No, no, but we're gonna need to have Christmas cookies around here, like we do, like we're gonna need them. They're part of Do you though? Yes, yes, I do. I do. Yes, I do. Okay, I need Christmas cookies. I'm coming near. I know the people that like to eat them in my house also like to bake them, and I know that we've they have grown up with that tradition. So I was gonna set up, I bought a bunch of stuff and I was gonna be like, you guys pick what you want to make. Like, and I'll maybe I'm not leading it because I maybe have less time this week. You guys have time, like why don't you guys pick? Like, do you want to make the sugar cookies or the or maybe call grandma? Maybe grandma wants to have a baking day with you. Like, I love all of that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I do think it's like we are getting better. I mean, I make fun of it. Um, but we I do believe us in this this a agent stage, we are also recognizing the need to let go of that. Maybe a little like you know, in hindsight, a little later than would have been maybe more beneficial to everybody. But um, I'm proud of us for doing that. Like we are like, we don't have to do it all, actually.

SPEAKER_01:

I still think I do a lot though.

SPEAKER_00:

That's well, of course you do.

SPEAKER_01:

Listen, it's like I could I could learn from this a little bit more about releasing, but I I there is there is something like I would prefer to so this is an interesting thing. I was watching oh, it was the woman that talks about the mental load, Paige Turner. Interesting comment on this, actually. She was talking about she was using baking cookies as an example, and her comment was well, when people say, Well, just don't do the things like release yourself from the baking the cookies, release yourself from the all the extra parties or the extra commitments. And she this is what she said. She's like, Those are the things I really want to do. Yes, I agree. I don't think those are. So when I look at the reason I think we hold on, why women hold on to Christmas so tightly, is it's a it it is a joyful, fun set of like there's a lot of stuff to do to make it magical, but it is a really fun stuff. I'd rather get rid of you know, back to school traditions. Can someone else do like you know, like there's there's work in all of these traditions, other seasonal things? So I I don't want to give up some of this because it is I agree with that.

SPEAKER_00:

That is true across the board. That's a really good point. Like that in all of the cases is like just say no, don't do that.

SPEAKER_01:

And there's a line, Michelle, yeah. Michelle Pfeiffer you want to, and Michelle Pfeiffer said it at the end of the movie last night. She said, um, there's joy in these traditions, and it makes a lot of it's amazing how much work goes into having fun. Yeah. How much you've talked about that a lot over the years since I've known you. Because mandatory fun, which I am a fan of mandatory fun. I'm a fan of everyone we're gonna play a game, whether it's school or friends or anybody, not school, um family or friends, or you know that. I'm you're you're always like, really? Do we have to do this? Yes, yes, we do have to play.

SPEAKER_00:

Thank God for you, because I don't organize that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So you're texting. Usually in friendships and these things too, we support one another.

SPEAKER_01:

And don't call each other out, but that's okay. I love you. It's alright. Um, okay. So my question though is then like how else can people get or what tradition new traditions can you do? So we're gonna have a Christmas party. That's something we're doing. I think that's fine. To have them when we were young, when we had young, like no kids. Yeah. And we I mean we entertain throughout the year, but we're gonna have a Christmas party, and I'm kind of hoping it's gonna be fun and it turns into a new thing. Like, I hope that it turns into maybe a a nice new tradition that we do as a family, and it becomes not just because our kids are young adults, two teenagers and a 21 20-year-old.

SPEAKER_00:

Like this can be a bit more of a I think it's a good point, and then I think you break down the idea of tradition. Like, I, you know, it's kind of like gender. Let's rethink this entire thing. Like, does it have to be you set up the expectation that then this then needs to happen every year in its new tradition? Or in this moment in time, if joy is just what's right in front of us, because God knows none of us knows what happened. And this is part of becoming 51 too, is you start thinking about your own mortality in a different way. Like, not to say that I hope it like I don't know, but the point is I'm working really hard to like be in the moment now. So guess what? This year there is capacity and opportunity to have a holiday party. And I'm just gonna do that, and I'm not gonna set any expectation that that has to be because then we're just doing the same insanity over and over.

SPEAKER_01:

And then that's like if you don't wise, that's so wise.

SPEAKER_00:

And then if you don't get your shit together next year because you have no idea what's gonna happen, then all of a sudden you're a failure because you decided not to have a holiday party for the second year, like just have the party and don't flip and worry about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, that is innovative thinking, Tanya. This is in my, I don't think. That is just a layer that I put on. That's my automatic way. Well, if I do this, then this is what we're gonna do every week.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, listen, and you are a brilliant human as a result, and there's a lot of benefit to having you in our lives for that reason. But I am saying, and I tend to come at things a lot loosely, a lot more loose, as you know, but I do believe that that is the truth, that we are always like already thinking about our next, like right now, this is what I'm gonna do this year.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a really good point. This year I have capacity and space to do this because I this is what I want to do. In theory, my kids should be home from school, but you know, in another year, maybe they're not home till late. Does that mean you you have to do it without them? It's a really good point.

SPEAKER_00:

And maybe you do, and that maybe you decide to flip it on its head. Like, I also think, and this is a fee for feet women as well. Like, again, as I'm I'm really walking into my, you know, I've always been a feminist, but really just kind of working into women and this stage of our life and taking some of that control back. It's like this idea of, and if we change our mind, that's a bad thing too. Like, and I think, listen, I come at this because my life in the last three years has like all of that has been has blown up. Like there is no, there's some consistency, but there has to be has had to be a lot of flexibility. So I come at it with some learning that actually I enjoyed and probably thrived on um because I do love change, but I do think that we get ourselves in this situation where if it doesn't happen, then it's failure. Like just remove that. It's like what I want to do now, and what are we gonna do next year? No idea, but that's okay too.

SPEAKER_01:

And you're you were able because you've like everything's out of the box, and now you dump it out, and you're like, which traditions and which components do I want to put back? And you get to like build it, rebuild it, and some of the things you're gonna rebuild, and some it's a really good point. We should all probably be doing that, even though our life doesn't change. Yes. Saying, okay, so does this serve me? Yes. So it's like the ornaments that you don't you still have, then you don't get rid of. Yes. And you just you're like, well, this year maybe I don't want to put this out, or this year I do want to put this out. The memories are important.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, I do think the memories, and there is some beauty in that I wouldn't want to get rid of, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean symbolically, symbolically, yes. That's what I mean. Like you open up the box and you're like, yeah, this doesn't match what I want to want to put out this year or whatever. Oh, right.

SPEAKER_00:

It doesn't go with my theme this year.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, like you may actually have real things like I have my mom made for me, God bless her, years ago. Instead of having an advent calendar, yes, candy, and I asked her to do this for me, but it built a lot of extra pressure. Yeah, it was a big felt giant thing and with little pockets, and then there was advent activities every single day. That and then I would try to strategically plan for that fitness. But then when I stopped getting that calendar out because I went through seasons where I did not have the capacity. Oh, that's a lot of work, like every single day. And some of them would be easy, like watch a Christmas movie, other are like, you know, get in the car and go look at the lights, other ones would be like, go donate something to the food bank. Like there would be some sort of like activity every single time. Um, and then there would be disappointment for my kids if there was one that was lame or one that I'd be like, oh, I didn't put anything in. So, however, so I pulled that away. I haven't had that out for a few years. This year, there's 12 days between when my last kid comes home and Christmas Day, and I do have a plan for 12 days of Christmas.

SPEAKER_00:

But see, I think that's amazing because but but for this year, and it means I don't have to do it every year, it just hacks out to be 12 days, and it brings you joy and you're excited to do it. That's an entirely different thing. I agree with that. I'm just thinking it should change. And listen, I think we are we are now again if we talk about this age and stage, because it's really about that, when we have kids at a certain age and we also have parents at a certain age, it you know, one or two, and in some cases, people don't even have their parents around still. But like there, there is a like I'm thinking already. So this year, me and my kids are going away. That's their present. It's I'm all about experiences now, because they don't after Christmas Day. After Christmas, like boxing day. Um, so like literally right after Christmas. So it just works out because it's always the first two days and we have a small family, so that's fine. But I gets me thinking about oh, wouldn't it be neat to like experience Christmas in different places? But I already see the tension in that, right? Like massive tension about being away, massive tension of being away. So I think you have to take it year by year, and if an opportunity presents itself, you lean into that opportunity and you hope that the people around you support that and are happy about that.

SPEAKER_01:

Being away at Christmas is a biggie. Like, remember last year I really wanted to be away, and the family, my family voted against it, and I was pretty cranky about that because I really wanted that time together, and I felt like taking a step away from the traditions would have been okay. Yeah, but the kids were not ready for that. They were neither was my husband, myself. So my but they didn't understand too that who comes up, who leads it all.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and I also think that as they get older, they realize it. Like I tried to organize this kind of a trip same in the last year or two, like this idea, and the kids were like, I want to be home, I want to be home for New Year's, I want to be, I want to be with my friends. And this year they were so excited about it. So I think it's like I leaned in where it made sense. You kind of float the idea, and if it's feeling good, you run with it. But I'm thinking that already for like next year or the year after, like maybe it looks different. So what would that maybe my parents are coming with us? Like maybe what what does that all and does it does it matter if it's like I'm not talking the whole time, but like what if we are leaving on the 25th? Like, what does that like what or the 24th? Like what does I think we all just need to life is short. And I'm not saying that you're doing it because you want to be disruptive, etc. I mean, that comes in the Michelle Pfeiffer movie, right? Where her daughter's trying to entertain something different, and it's what the what is the balance between pleasing kind of the generations before you or the other people, and then at the end of the day, it all actually works out. And again, it doesn't mean that it's every year. That's what I'm trying to say. Just because you change it one year doesn't mean you can't go back the next year. It's like what I really think you have to lean into what's right in front of you. Like I'm really trying to do that. I'm gonna look it up.

SPEAKER_01:

What is the depth? That's the other thing.

SPEAKER_00:

What is my whole thing is maybe it's not tradition, isn't archaic archaic word, you know, brought on by like maybe it's not tradition. Yeah, look it up. Maybe it's an entirely different word.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, so memories. Yeah, so here's here's interesting. And by the way, I'm also laughing that you didn't laugh at my tease back that I was not the tease back I missed at the time. I said I was not texting, I was looking up the definition.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I didn't know. See, because I just ignore those comments. Just ignore them. Okay. For our audience, this is an inside joke between Anne Marie, where I tend to text as I'm doing things, and it drives me crazy. Drives me crazy. It distracts me. It distracts her more than it distracts me. I know. And she'll call me out. And I'm like, dude, don't call me out. You know, this just quickly takes two seconds.

SPEAKER_01:

Now that you've called me out, this has taken five minutes. Okay, definition of tradition. Okay. So before looking it up, I actually would have thought maybe there was some sort of like um pronounced definition of like reoccurring on a regular basis. Like in my head, tradition would be like a scheduled, like an annual bi-annual.

SPEAKER_00:

That's what I think too.

SPEAKER_01:

Nope, nope. Transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way. Nothing about time here. Long established custom or belief. So long established as we might be inherent in it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But I think we can take the word of it.

SPEAKER_01:

So tradition does not have to mean we always do this. Tradition can mean sometimes we do this, or it's the essence.

SPEAKER_00:

It's what it first said. It's like there's something in that that typically as a family, we like to um do something um together, you know, with your brother. You always organize something. So that may just look different in different ways, but the idea and the value, yeah, the custom exactly the belief, the custom, the it is true, but the execution of it can look very different.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, customs are beliefs from generation to generation. So, yeah, the thing you're referenced with my brother came out of that need for the Santa Claus pictures. And then for a few years, when we all had little kids and we had a hard time getting babysitters, we used to swap a weekend or a night in Christmas season when they would maybe have a Christmas party and we would have a Christmas party switch and we would babysit the kids. And whenever we had them, we would take them to see Santa and get a picture of that, which is kind of like our cousin Christmas, we would call it, and maybe we'd have little whatever. So that's how that started. But then as they got older, they didn't come, they didn't need to be babysat, but we still wanted to get together. So now we have usually like it's actually this Sunday, and we're actually fitting in a Santa Claus because he's at some outdoor festival in their town, and uh, we're gonna have a little scavenger hunt and do a little donation thing, and and so it's like a little bit more active and fun. Now, if we turned this into like a pub crawl or something, they'd all be way more excited, but no one's of age, but I could see it evolving into some sort of like Santa Claus crawl or something, but maybe like a do good crawl. But that's an example of you've it's the theme and it's an evolving tradition. We just know you're gonna have a cousin get together before the actual Christmas.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so I do think it's about, you know, our first, I think our first, you know, our most recent podcast or theme around living left, you know, in this age and stage is about time, right? Like I think you're just more acutely aware of the time you have left or with or whatever that definition is, right? The value of just time with your people, whether they're your you know, child's people, your significant other, your friends, or whatever, it's finding that time. Um, and I just think that I think that's what's changed over the generations. Before there likely was way more time of people together because life was not as busy. Like when our parents, our mothers did this, like, and I know I'm I'm gonna do a sweeping generalization, but I'm accurate, I think, generally, in that, you know, a lot of these women, you know, maybe weren't working or weren't working as much. They were at home more, they're looking. Like, we just also can't always do it the way we believe to do it.

SPEAKER_01:

So it's like we were yeah, raised by those stay-at-home moms or moms who had different expectations of the holidays or of every day. And now we are caring, like I always say, like, I'm you know, I'm expected to parent and be a mother the way my stay-at-home mom was, but I'm gonna work like my dad did. But you're one person, yes. Like, how how could you you can't manage all those?

SPEAKER_00:

But that is true of our generation, yeah. Like our our daughters won't have that same feeling because they grew up with home. Yeah, I I mean, listen, it's it's societal, it's ingrained in everything. Like, I'm not, but but I think every generation shifts, right? The the aha moment of this age and stage of like, what the F have we been doing this long? Like, we need to rethink this because we're killing ourselves. Um, trying to be that occurrence will happen earlier in in mo, and again, it's a sweeping generalization. So if you say 80% versus the 20% who will continue along, it's gonna shift. This is what happens. And we have to be okay with that shift. So then when our daughters decide to do things differently. And I say our daughters, so maybe it will be our sons. See, there you go. I'm already saying it's our daughters, but whatever the families. Whoever's gonna be the Christmas magic maker. Yes, we need to roll with those punches because it's no longer, we got to meet them where they're at. I believe very, you know, that's my big thing with my kids. Like you got to hold on to some things that are important to you, but also when you meet where meet your kids or your everyone else where they're at a little bit more, you can release yourself from all of that. So I just think it's about time and experience, in my opinion. Like, so what if you don't do this thing? So I love that you're doing you just change it up every year based on what it makes sense for the schedule. We have to be okay with that.

SPEAKER_01:

It's also, I love what you talk about time when we think about the that what we think of as the definition of living left. When we first started to talk about the name of this podcast, like living left. So it's interesting, it's not a negative, like morbid concept, but it's about what time is left as well, right? So it's not not being sad about what time is left, it's about living that time left the best that you can. And as things do change, as we keep talking about every episode, it's about change and how life is shifting and we're trying to adjust to it. It's about being appreciative of those changes and honoring maybe what we've had in the first half of our life, but we don't necessarily have to duplicate it. Which I'm learning. This is like yes, it's a growth place for angry. Like I particularly around root like what I think of as routine traditions, like I do want to keep doing what we've done, and I do find a little bit of melancholy moments that there's that things are not what they were, but I have to then just turn my head and say, but they are what they are now, and this is also beautiful. And I'm gonna look back in ten years or five years when you know, like life changes. Like I have three children, but you know, but there's five years from the top to the bottom. But by the time my littlest is the age of my oldest, my oldest could have like a pretty significant other in their life. Like, that's in five years.

SPEAKER_00:

Like my gosh, I would imagine having the significant other join. This is gonna blow my mind if I don't like what if they come as part of their own. They come with their own traditions, or they'll have to join yours, and I know how you feel about that sometimes.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't have an no, I don't have an issue with that. I haven't had I've only commented on your comments. I've commented on how inclusive you've been with everybody, but I haven't really like I haven't been as I haven't my kids one has a has an important person in their life, but they haven't had to be like around the tradition uh holidays really yet. I don't want that yet. Thank gosh. If she's listening, you are welcome to come anytime. I totally like you again.

SPEAKER_00:

Inside joke listeners, inside joke.

SPEAKER_01:

Because uh what I also think it's maybe because I've had a small family, so no, you're not the only one.

SPEAKER_00:

I have other friends who comment on that very thing, too, of my inclusiveness, as you call it, and like strangers joining in. And it's like, who is this new person in the photo?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, so again, it's it's not a bad thing, it's not bad. I'm listening, I'm not there yet.

SPEAKER_00:

Shout out to um my girlfriend Erica, who will be listening to this and laughing because she says the same thing.

SPEAKER_01:

She says the same thing. I'm like, great. I'm always like, those are also I'm like, there's only okay, what's left? I'll tell you what's left. There's only so much. Less moments as my family of like my five pack, very less moments of the five pack. So I'm a little bit selfish sometimes, and I'm thinking, oh no, no, no, no, no. I love everybody, even with my mom sometimes, which sounds awful. I want to include my mom too, and I usually do, but there's very few moments with my little family of five.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. No, and I would agree with that. I would agree with that.

SPEAKER_01:

I agree. I agree. I can see that. Okay, so Lower almost at time. Well, I just want to know what you're gonna do on Christmas morning. I always want to know that. What's your Christmas morning?

SPEAKER_00:

So that is a really interesting topic because I will not, well, I'll have one child won't be with me. So technically they're with their dad. Uh, but one will be at that house.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, they're not sleeping, both of them there?

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, interesting. Uh, we're gonna go to my parents on Christmas Day, because that's when all the children are together. So we're gonna do that. So Christmas morning is gonna look very different. Like, I'll have one here, but she'll sleep. Um, what time does she have to leave?

SPEAKER_01:

So when will you?

SPEAKER_00:

We're not it's not until 3:30.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh.

SPEAKER_00:

So I was like, again, because it's like children who sleep a little bit differently. I was like, come over just after lunch. And you know what? I'm excited to have a Christmas morning. Like, I've done my Christmas mornings. I kind of had that again, I'm a little ahead of you. I've had that grieving like two Christmases ago when I was like, oh my God, it's like I don't have the wake up in the morning and do all of that, which is something that you do need to so when did you stop doing? So, okay, question when I didn't have the children.

SPEAKER_01:

No, no, no, no, with your family, because we had Christmas morning the exact same. I've never not had a like when your children aren't with you, my dear. No, I know. No, no, I'm asking the with your family, with your parents, did you not have Christmas morning with them even after you moved away?

unknown:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

So you had Christmas morning with your sister?

SPEAKER_00:

We did it maybe the first year. Maybe the first year I slept over, but then I was like, I want to sleep in my bed.

SPEAKER_01:

So, okay, interesting. Because so mine has been the same unless I was switching houses, like with my sleep. No, as soon as I moved out, right out of uni. So I've never slept in on Christmas morning, like even as a 20-year-old.

SPEAKER_00:

I didn't because I never slept in. But when you have someone who does sleep in, then that you know, tell me there isn't one of your three who likes to sleep more than the other.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, yeah, that's when you blast the Christmas music and it's like you go and everything.

SPEAKER_00:

100%. So I agree with that. But I'm just saying, since I'm not gonna have one home, I'm not gonna wake the other one up. No, I get it.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm just no, I was just meaningful how does it go? Ours is still pretty much the same, even though they're big.

SPEAKER_00:

Like the elf pajamas on Christmas Eve. Yeah, so we do it again. It comes down to the tradition still happens in that it's around the tree, we do the same things, it just may not happen in the morning. So I think it's that's what the first the first morning is hard, right? And as I'm sure it was for my parents, yeah, right. But then when you realize it's not like I'm saying we're not doing this, we're just doing it at one, okay? And then everyone's happier. So, like it's fine. So this year, I'm like, what am I gonna do Christmas morning? Like, so what does that look like? And I don't want it to be the same as every morning. Yeah, totally. You want it to be different, so it needs to be something different. So I don't know what that's gonna be. I haven't actually figured it out. I also will have someone here that's new, yeah. So that's interesting. So then it's like the molding of traditions of upon traditions. Like, what could it be?

SPEAKER_01:

That's a whole other podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a whole other podcast. But um, so that's what I'm doing. How about yourselves? So I'm doing nothing, basically, and then we'll go to my parents at 3:30, and then we fly away on the 26th, which everyone doesn't that's what everyone's looking forward to. They like almost want everything to fast forward to get to the 26th, three o'clock in the morning so they can go to the airport.

SPEAKER_01:

How about yourselves? Our Christmas morning will look essentially the same as it has since I was born.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

But did your mom come to your house? We alternate, so she goes to my brother's in the off years.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I did know this.

SPEAKER_01:

Usually she goes where the turkey is.

SPEAKER_00:

But she's going where she goes, shows up for Christmas morning.

SPEAKER_01:

She, whoever she is, she spends Christmas Eve, she does Christmas morning, and then spends Christmas dinner.

SPEAKER_00:

That's the rotation. So that's an interesting thing to do because my like, and I don't want to get into the the dynamic of that. Yeah, would that still be the same? I don't want it to be sad, but I'm genuinely gonna ask the question. If my dad was still alive?

SPEAKER_01:

Yes. Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_00:

They would come over. Oh, yeah, totally. I love that. So, so okay. So that's interesting. So my parents never did that. We should talk about we'll ask our moms this week.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, we're taking them for lunch. That's a new tradition. Well, we're calling it a tradition, but only if we have capacity for it every year.

SPEAKER_00:

So we're doing it this year. Let's see how it goes first, Amory. But um, that's an interesting. So that was my my parents would never do that. Oh, really? My oh no, my dad.

SPEAKER_01:

Where do you think I could come and visit you? Where did you didn't didn't your grandmothers or grandmother come and visit you?

SPEAKER_00:

No, everyone slept in their own beds, Amory. Like that's a thing. The Garcias, we don't mess with that stuff. It's where I got it from. So my dad's like, why am I sleeping in someone else's bed? Now, would they maybe wake up and but they like to have their own little two two-person little their own. Oh no, totally.

SPEAKER_01:

So I grew up and it was either my mom's mom visiting or my dad's parents. So they alternated years. Then my dad lost both his parents quite young. Oh yeah. So then it was just my grandma, and then she would switch between my aunt's house in Guelph and our house in Montreal. So you always had my grandma and then one or the other year, she was where the turkey was. And then But see how that literally replicates.

SPEAKER_00:

So yeah, so we I don't do that, and I didn't none of the generations before me didn't do that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. So Michael's family was similar, but his grandmother had four children, so she would rotate. Yeah. Because again, if they don't all live close, like no one like same with our like our family is not in the same town.

SPEAKER_00:

Like it's yeah, yeah, I get it.

SPEAKER_01:

You would have to sleep over, and then um or then when we need to sleep. Yeah, so then and then when we grew up and moved away, we didn't host Christmas. We would we would go to my parents' house and sleep there. Yeah, and then when I was the first one to have a baby, so we took the baby up there. So we brought we the first baby was up there. Okay. Um, and then for the first two Christmases of Lauren, we went to my mom and dad's.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. That makes sense when but again, it is so the traditions are real. So we'll be curious what our kids do.

SPEAKER_01:

The only reason we the and the only reason that I hosted my first Christmas is because I had an end of November baby. So I was not in a capacity to travel and like I had only a like a lesson amount of baby. For sure, for sure. So then we hosted, we hosted, and I believe my brother and sister-in-law came and slept in the basement on an air mattress. Uh, and then then we got we started to switch. And so then, but then you have to take in your in-laws and all of that. But yeah, so my mom will have Christmas morning with somebody with one of the families. So and I mean in COVID, a lot of this stuff got changed around.

SPEAKER_00:

Sure, yeah, but I think that was a moment in time. I think most people went right back to what they loved most about it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_00:

We all had COVID the first Christmas, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Like COVID wrecked a couple years. I mean, even last year my brother was supposed to host dinner, but we had my mom, so that was like she she got she was not with the turkey. Um, because there was some in-law stuff on the other family, like time, like we'd switch. Uh, and then my brother, or not my brother, my son got vertigo. Remember, he woke up, he couldn't stand.

SPEAKER_00:

Remember that.

SPEAKER_01:

So then we stayed home for dinner.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. So like things change, but I think the net net in it as you're talking is it very much does replicate. Like, even if you don't aren't consciously, like you maybe were more conscious than I am, but only hearing you through what you guys do Christmas morning versus the way our family has always been. It's I think for everybody, it's like just take a look back and just how interesting is that, right? Like you just you take that on without you even really knowing what you did. And that that's just so very I might actually I'm gonna ask my parents about that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and maybe, and maybe that's not so you don't need to. That's why I'm asking you about your Christmas morning. Like, to me, I'd be sad if my family, and I always want to make sure I'm with my family on Christmas morning. I'm like, I hope they'll include me. Like, I hope, and uh we'll have to see like how all that goes.

SPEAKER_00:

So maybe I'll be breaking a cycle because maybe I will ask my parents this question. Like, did you ever want to be? I know the answer to this will be what my answer would be because my my dad are like two peas in a pod. My mom's answer would be different, but she wouldn't mean it because she'd want to be with my dad. Um, would did you ever like want to be with us on Christmas morning and we just didn't invite you and you were sad about this? And he'll be like, No, I want to sleep in my mom might have liked that. I think if she, but you know, matriarchy, patriarchy of the house did tend to be, well, we don't, my dad needs to wake up in his bed and that sort of thing. Like, that's a that's a a tradition in itself, right? But I am gonna ask the question because maybe I'm breaking a cycle, because maybe he wanted to, and I just never asked him because I assumed maybe I'm making assumptions, yeah, and that's not true. Although, let's okay, we're gonna bet a bottle of wine. Okay, you're gonna bet the bottle your bottle of wine is that he's gonna be like, you know, I'm glad you asked that. And I did have like to, and I did want to come, and I'm gonna be, he's gonna be like, What?

SPEAKER_01:

No, why would I want to do that? I do remember those times when they were really little. Like, I do remember my dad being like, geez, this is early to wake up, and geez, this is a lot. And there's like a lot of rapping and a lot of chaos, but so joyful in the moment, right? So joyful, and then I also remember us over time making adjustments that it was too chaotic, so we like did some things like over chunks of time.

SPEAKER_00:

So we've done that too. Oh, so you don't just later in the day. It isn't the morning, the morning was whatever the individual foursome, five some we all just went go our separate ways for the morning, and then we come together and do all of that. Yeah, but later, but I'm gonna ask the question. I'll I'll report back.

SPEAKER_01:

So I have another new thing I'm doing, which we're gonna see how it goes. Okay. Uh, so my brother has two kids, I have three kids, and then there's my mom. So there's 10 of us in total, and we used to just do kids, we did get gifts for the kids. And then in the last couple years, we've done like a little gift exchange on Christmas. Yeah, like a little game my sister-in-law's parents have been around to, so it includes everybody. Um, so I'm hosting for Boxing Day. I'm also doing brunch. I'm like, can we just do brunch do lunch so I don't have to do another turkey? I'm doing a turkey on the Christmas day. I think brunch is highly unconscious.

SPEAKER_00:

I also think it's like a sleep-in and it's more casual and for our olders, and for our older, I've learned through my parents' eating habits that a brunch is far more favorable than a big heavy meal.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

As they get older, they cannot process that food. So we're doing, I'm gonna do that. I'm still gonna make it a nice lunch.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna what happened? Let's hit my toe. Oh, well, I'm still gonna make a really nice lunch, but it just a little bit of a different flow to the day. Yeah, and then here's what we're doing for gifts, which has been received interestingly by the generational 10 pack. Okay, so we go from 81 to 14.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

So we all drew anonymous names. Yep, love it. And you're gonna give a gift that you will experience with your person that you drew.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh.

SPEAKER_01:

So that you have one-on-one time with that person. Because I feel I like that. I knew you were gonna say this. I believe we talked about tradition in friendships, right? Midlife friendships and and how important that tradition and repetitiveness and and one-on-one time actually builds relationships, like we talked about that in whatever episode three or four. Yes, so look at that, it listen to it if you haven't heard it. And so I thought, you know, if I want this 10-pack to still continue to be friends and and love each other for the next 30, 40 years, we don't actually spend that much one-on-one time, we spend group time together. But you know, it's really hard in a group of 10 to have a genuine ketchup. I don't care if you don't want to hang out with brother-in-law. What if you don't like your brother-in-law? I don't care. I don't care. This is my theory. I don't care. So everyone So let's make everyone miserable. They're not gonna be miserable. This is my thing. I'm optimistic that everyone's gonna be. I'm glad I'm a part of the Burton tent. So the response has been positive, of course. Um, and I and so you're gonna wind up to go and do a little event like the cap is 50 bucks. So, what are you gonna do? Go for lunch, go for a movie, maybe see a little concert, like something low-key um with the person who gives you your gift and the person you give. So you get 50, it's a hundred dollars. Essentially, well, you're gonna you're gonna plan something with for 50 total? No, for the person, and then maybe you have to spend another 50 if you really wanted to do that. 50 each person, okay. Yeah, but you're gonna okay.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I'm I'm just trying to actually understand logistics.

SPEAKER_01:

You could put the cost, whatever you want.

SPEAKER_00:

In case I wanted to do this, which I won't, but maybe I do, or I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01:

So, like I'm trying to help my my 15-year-old plan her thing. I'm not supposed to know who she has, but I know who she has, and we're talking about because she told me, and she doesn't have$50.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's it. That's my first question.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, she doesn't know, so I gotta help her. She doesn't have the$50, but she wouldn't have had the money for the gift exchange that we were, I would have helped her anyway. So I'm helping her. What do you want to do with that person? And what does that person like to do? And she's like, Well, I don't like to do that. I'm like, but the point is they like to do those things, so it gets them a little bit more in tune with that scale. I like that, and then you're gonna give that person the gift, and then you just need to be prepared to like let's say hypothetically it was like a yoga class they're gonna do with that person, yes. So then you're gonna go to the yoga class too, and you're gonna pay for yourself, but that's not within the fifty dollars, and you're gonna take that person for tea or coffee or what, go to Starbucks after that's your activity one-on-one. That doesn't happen enough in our in our group of 10. So I think some good relationships that grow from there.

SPEAKER_00:

So everything you've just stated is the reason why I love you so much. But like honestly, did you ever think about this listeners? This is why her and I are two sides of very, very good coin. Like, what if you don't like, do you have to like and want to hang out with your family and every person in the family? So, well, I think it's a fantastic that you did this because I love this notion of it's teaching maybe the younger people to think of other people and and and at the end of the day, everyone's gonna do it, and you will be pleasantly surprised because I'm all about the say yes and it'll all be great in the end of the day. But the only caution I have is it's not like your friends, like you just like you don't have to have a one on one relationship with everybody. I wouldn't know, but that's you, and I actually you're saying that because they're your family, and I believe you do. Um, but then if someone else said it, I said, but do you? And you know what? Even if you don't, it's not that you don't love your family it's just like what if like okay if i was doing this with my brother in law like i'm gonna wanna hang out with him and now i have to yeah why is it why how is that making me joyful what if what if my sister in law like i'm just talking generally i'm not like you can spend with that person not okay yeah so you can spend two okay so here's where look my hands are flavored i love mine this is where i love mine i can't i'm not telling you i'm gonna say to all of our listeners let's see how an marie's experience goes okay and we'll report back because here's the other thing when i we're talking about time and choosing time and choosing to protect my peace and being with the people I want to be and listen you should want to hang out with your family I'm not saying that but guess what some people may just not like one another and now you're forcing them to do something and spend money$50 but well I think it's great that you're doing that and it comes from a really good place with you and I know actually that your family does like one another so it's less of an issue but just be careful about who you pass this along to because it doesn't go the same way with everybody. I like my family too I would totally do that because we're close knit but I'm just saying generally yeah I will see how it goes.

SPEAKER_01:

I think it's gonna make everybody kind of like think a little bit and I think good experiences.

SPEAKER_00:

No it won't be no your family won't because you are a close knit family so there's a difference for sure but I just don't think that it's that everyone should have a good one-on-one relationship with their family members.

SPEAKER_01:

I challenge that if anyone wants to know there is an app called draw names and that's what I've done that you do that for just Secret Santa. You don't have to go and do an experience with someone for two hours that you don't even like I know I only way I set it up was that the that the spouses could not draw each other but I didn't put any other rules to the whole glad that I am not part of that I'm excited though.

SPEAKER_00:

You need to tell us how it goes ho Santa you know what and if you asked any of the Garcias if what they thought about that they would have exactly the same answers. Well the Smiths I think are excited now don't tell Linda Garcia when we go for lunch because she'll want to do it because she's the only who want to spend one on one time with everybody.

SPEAKER_01:

Because that's I want to have one-on-one conversations because I feel like that's when you get to know someone I think I do agree with that.

SPEAKER_00:

I just looked at the time uh dude we went this is like our longest one we've almost almost gone for an hour so okay well if anyone has made it all the way here merry Christmas have a wonderful holiday not but humbug based on my last comments I do love my family and one in one time is positive. Yes I know it's let's do it in Spain please we'll do it all good anyway okay oh shoot I'm getting a FaceTime call okay well let's I don't know how to do this okay okay all right thanks Anne Marie Merry Christmas love you too okay oh okay okay if you felt this one share it because what's left isn't less it's everything I should do it again I'm like why do you keep staring at it