Living Left

Where Are All The Adults?

• Ann-Marie Burton, Tanya Garcia • Season 2 • Episode 7

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0:00 | 44:19

We laugh our way through the strange shift of midlife—cheering for the Olympians’ parents, noticing the doctors look younger than our kids, and choosing depth over years as our north star. Along the way we explore trust, shedding, neuroplasticity, and the joy of paying attention.

• Watching the Olympics as parents, not peers
• Feeling “good enough” next to elite achievements
• Cataract story and the “where are all the adults” moment
• Trusting younger professionals and reframing competence
• Kids nearing graduation and our changing perspective
• Shedding obligations to find momentum and play
• Training the mind through neuroplasticity and smaller reactions
• Seeking newness by lowering the noise and raising attention
• Grief, time, and valuing depth over longevity
• Building community through richer, more present conversations

Follow Living Left for bold conversations by women for women on business, creativity, and comeback energy.

Find us on Instagram @living_left_​​

Because what’s left isn’t less. It’s everything.

SPEAKER_01:

Hi Tanya. Hello, Ann Marie. We're gonna have another chit-chat today on our podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

We are back to the podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

I love this time with you. It's fun. It is enjoyable. It's fun because I every week I think, oh, well, we have a loose plan, but then we we we make little notes and little texts. Well, we should talk about this. We should talk about this. So we have on the theme of midlife, we're gonna talk about just funny little isms and things we've been noticing as we've been getting older. I don't know. One of the things I noticed, maybe we talk about the Olympics, how we're now no longer the Olympians. We are the parents of the Olympians. Parents of the Olympians. Haven't you noticed that? I was identifying with all the parents in the stands, like crying for those parents. And they were so wonderfully featured. And I'm like, oh my God, I I'm not connecting with the athlete whipping down. They're born in like 2003. It's the parents.

SPEAKER_00:

You know, that's such a funny point. Honestly, I'm sitting here trying to remember what we talked about, we were going to talk about today, but it's all coming back to me. That's also midlife. That is also midlife. And also Anne-Marie and Tanya's role. Anne-Marie always and I just kind of, oh right, let's just go. But right, that's such a good point because we were talking about, yeah, how you'd watch the Olympics and go, man, if I worked out a little bit more, maybe I could do that. Like, you know what I mean? You're like, it inspires you to like maybe take on a sport more or do something more. And you, you, you know, flippantly or you know, very fun, like loosely go, haha, if I did a few more burpees, I could be an Olympian. You know, like when you were young. And now it's, yeah, it's about the parent. And we were talking about and a lot of the parents are younger than us, even. Right. But even so it was like it highlighted, and I say this very facetiously, everyone, like how much of a failure you are in comparison to an Olympian. Like, oh my God, those people are like the cream of the crop in their sport. So now transport that to you as a parent when you look at these stories, you were talking about the one skater and how she excels and all those.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, the ski, the skier. Oh, is it the goo? The goo. Yeah, because she's the one who also was has been making headlines because she told the male um journalist essentially, his like she laughed at his question. Did you see that one? Yeah, of course, everyone in the world. She's amazing. Like, she's like your icon of icons. Like, not only has she the most decorated skier in history, and she is bilingual because she's skiing under the Chinese flag, but she grew up in the US, she goes to Stanford. She's a Vogue model with 2.1 million followers, the most well-spoken, intelligent woman. And then just for fun, she flips down incredibly steep mountains backwards and does John Armus fly and then finishes with a flourish, lifts up her goggles, and she's this like model, beautiful with these, takes off her gloves, she has nice nails, and her just like yes, I guess if you look at someone like that, it's easy to think. You use the word failure, which I don't think anyone's a failure.

SPEAKER_00:

But like she's outrageously unachievable. So, okay, so my point again, this is the humor part of my humor. It's like the meme, if I was to make one, yeah, is like, you know, when when you're feeling like a failure, like as a parent, you look at this child and go, God, like what off the couch? What did these parents do to create such a being? I thought I was doing pretty good with my kids just staying in uni, doing the things they need to do, drinking on the weekends, having a social life. And then as a parent, you go, huh, wow.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, but this 22-year-old, yeah, this 22-year-old who is the most decorated skier in the world. I saw a quote from her. She said, and I mean, listen, she's amazing. But if you wanted to be a little, if you wanted a little finicky, you could be like this woman. So she talked about her first Olympics. I guess she was 18. Yeah, they were an opportunity. The second Olympics is a privilege. And I thought, isn't that?

SPEAKER_00:

That's a great they even have this brilliant perspective. So, really, where we're getting to this topic of it led us to like oh on Monday, because we got a really good laugh at oh well, we thought we were doing good as parents, but after the Olympics, clearly we're mediocre. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. My kids are amazing. I'm not like it just see the humor in all of this. Yes. We started talking about things that exactly what your point was, is that our perspective in watching things all of a sudden shifted. Our perspective being in a certain area has shifted. And I can't say that I felt that way maybe three or four years ago, but I have my funny story about my eyeballs where I was like for anyone watching us, I'm wearing my glasses today, and I do not normally.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I wear them, not for this. And you don't look like yourself because you've worn glasses for your whole life.

SPEAKER_00:

You need to stop, not actually my whole life. This is what just imagine me a little bit what's the word, shinier. As of the 20. This is the 20 year old. Younger, this is the 20-year-old thing. But I didn't know the 20-year-old. I know. I always had my contacts in. I didn't like to wear my glasses, and then you just get tired when you have kids, and I just always send my glasses. But anyway, and then it became my look. And yes, I know everyone says this to me, and everyone says it with great grief because I am grieving the loss of my yes, because it's my look, and I I have to entirely change the way I present myself, which I haven't figured out. But it's also, you know me, it's a challenge, and I'm actually enjoying that. But that's not the point. Point is is I went because I had a cataract, because yes, I'm 51 and have a flipping cataract. What? So me and all the 75 and 80-year-olds were at the day of surgery, which ultimately, for anyone who wants to know, when you have a cataract at 51 or generally, you can just get eight laser surgery and that just removes the cataract. So you're not necessarily getting cataract surgery. That's if you want to pay for it as well. The government will pay for the cataract. But because I'm only 51, it was strongly suggested, and also because I tend to be easily sold into things. Um, but because I was 51, the doctors was like, you're gonna have these eyeballs for a lot longer than the standard person with cataract. You should really invest in a new pair of lenses in your eyes, which I did. But I hadn't knocked on wood, and I'm very grateful, have not really been around the healthcare system in a while. And my big story is when I get there, I literally had this thought, where are all the adults? Because everybody is the age of my oldest child.

SPEAKER_01:

Where are all the adults?

SPEAKER_00:

I literally almost said it out loud. I was like, are the adults showing up to this party? Like I have the story where there were the two very lovely nurses who were a couple years older than my oldest son, and they're chatting, and I'm sure someone answered the other one with the word bet and might have used bruh in the entire conversation. And I'm already so stressed about this. Like they had to put me on the day where an IV is given because I do not like surgeries happening on me at all. I'm such a baby when it comes to that stuff. And I was like, and they're like, they're just talking so openly.

SPEAKER_01:

Just calm down, just chill, bro.

SPEAKER_00:

Just chill. No, but I'm sure she used bet, like bet, because they were talking about how, oh, I don't actually use this, this um this uh needle. We use tool, blah, blah, blah. And I, when I get nervous, I get funnier. Like that is my way of like calming myself as I crack jokes. So, oh, and then the other, so I'm like, ladies, maybe you don't want to have such an open conversation about how this is all net new for you because you're freaking everybody out and they're laughing. But then they have this conversation and they go, We have to ask you some qualifying questions. Do you have hearing loss? Or no, do you have dentures? And I'm like, What? No, do you have hearing loss? And I'm like, oh my god, you're asking me questions as if I'm 75 or 80 years old. I'm 51 and we're like, ha ha ha ha, laughing. But anyway, my long point is that was a very surreal experience when I realized that I am the adult and everybody else are also adults, but I'm the oldest one. I am now my parents. I'm and I remember talking to my dad, and he's like, I also distinctly remember when of a all of a sudden I became the oldest one in the room, or not, because I was with the 80-year-olds, but you know what I'm generally saying. Like when your doctor is younger than me, you that feels strange.

SPEAKER_01:

Totally.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's my little story.

SPEAKER_01:

And have you been in other circumstances? I mean, you also were around, like, I'm assuming like in the waiting room or whatever, like it's all seniors.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I was used to the other people, I'm okay with that. It was when there was someone who was going to do things to my eyes, and then when the boy, it's a boy in my head because he literally looks like Rylan that age, wheels me away and starts putting me into the machine. And I'm like, who are you? And are you doing this? Where's the doctor? Like, don't touch me. It's so bad. It's my own preconceived, like, how terrible, how terrible. But I really just they actually had to take me out because I think I had a minor panic attack. Um, it was the first time ever so intentionally that I was aware that everyone was at least 15 years old. This is my my eyeballs are going into the hands of these. Now, my doctor is not. My doctor is younger than me, but I think she's in her 40s, and that feels good. That feels fine, because I feel like I'm in my 40s. But um, when you're dealing with a 20-something year old for your I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

But then I mean the other flip side is I mean, they're the most newly trained. They're they might be better. I mean, they won't have the years of experience.

SPEAKER_00:

It's my issue, not theirs, agreed. Of course, rationally, all of that. But I don't think I'm the only like have you experienced that yet?

SPEAKER_01:

Uh because it's surreal in a medical circumstance, like or an important circumstance. It doesn't even have to be medical. I have a doctor who's I'm at a teaching hospital, so I've always had younger interns who come in. So I've kind of had that all the way through. But me too. I have circumstances, I just think in small scenarios, I just keep realizing that I think that's everybody is like yeah, like when I like I'll use the Olympics again. Like those kids are our age, like and then our kids are starting to grow like they're ending their third year of university, which means they're one year away from graduating, which I know I felt like a pretty darn big adult when I graduated and moved away from home permanently, and I still see our kids as kids, at those age those age kids as kids, but they're gonna be of the age that we were fully adulting and moving into real life very soon.

SPEAKER_00:

So it's I'm excited for them for that. I know what you mean, and I think about it because I actually distinctly remember that feeling. Like I remember I commuted for university and just being on the go train every day with all of like the adults, and I remember very so I don't remember much about my childhood or my life generally, like other than yesterday.

SPEAKER_01:

You and I are the opposite. We are the entire opposite. I don't I just remember, I have documented it in journals and books and notes and massive documentation.

SPEAKER_00:

My sister's exactly whatever, and she'll remember like hotel numbers, and I'm like, did we even stay in that country? Like, I don't everything's a blur. Um and I have a theory around that, but regardless, um that see now I lost my point. Do you remember feeling? I have to write these things down, Anne Marie, while I have these good points because I do not remember what I was saying. Tell me what I was saying before.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I don't know, but I'll tell a story about when I felt like I'll tell a story about when I felt really young lately, which really made me feel so good. Oh I told you about it when I so I joined. Um, I thought I really want to play some more pickleball, which you know I've been trying to do. Yes. And so, and it's hard in our city, like through the recreation, everything gets filled up really fast. And it's all in the day, which of course is geared towards a certain demographic that's available in the day, mostly retired. And I found a time slot on Tuesdays from three to five, and I thought, ooh, well, we have our flexible schedule. I can make three o'clock. I'm sure there's a bunch of other people who also have flexible schedules like me. And I went, and I know I texted you when I came out, showed up and for sure, three to five. I also thought if you were a senior, maybe you're having a nap, like oh, you're getting your you're having your early birds. All the seniors are having your early bird dinner idea. Yeah, you're having your early bird dinner, maybe at 4 30, like that. Generalizations. Well, that's in the middle of pickleball. I thought, anyway, I walked in, 60 people in this gym. I was the only one for sure, my age, technically still under 50. There might have been a couple 50s, but most of the people were like late 50s. Yeah, late 50s. Late 50s. Yeah, like, or maybe retired or working two days a week. Like, yeah, anyway, it was a good experience, but I got my ass handed to me by Gord, who has to be at least 80 and doesn't move his feet at all, and just has these go-go gadget arms that just boom, boom, boom, and has a wicked serve and I and does not smile. Didn't like any of my jokes. I make jokes and I'm nervous too.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh, anyway, it was a it was humbling and so that is a surreal experience. I agree. I think it's like, I don't know, they happen more and more. I do recall the point I'm gonna make, but it doesn't even matter anymore. But I was gonna say I'm excited for our kids because I believe that they're having these moments of oh my god, I'm an adult now. I remember being on the Go Train and one day just looking at the C and Towers, I'm going into the city, like into my daily, and going, oh my God, like this is the rest of my life. Like, this is I feel like an adult. And I know when I talk to Rylan, he has those moments where he's like, I'm loving this. Yeah. And I'm like, good, enjoy it now before it gets really tiring because you have kids and all that shit.

SPEAKER_01:

So that's an interesting point. So you know what I think also, because I guess we're on the up, there's the uphill of the hill, then there's over the hill and down the hill. So we're in the over the hill going down the hill.

SPEAKER_00:

And where are we down the hill already?

SPEAKER_01:

Well, the definition of over the hill, I don't know, but I feel like 50 is probably it. So really over the over the hill? That's an old term. What did you think that was? Like I remember my mom's 40th birthday when I was a kid, and she got a mug. There was a sign that said over the hill, but also she got a mug and it said I'd rather be 40 than pregnant. I remember that. Oh, that is surreal. That should be for sure. I didn't understand what that re why that was so offensive. I'd rather be 50 than pregnant. That's pretty sure. Oh my God. Not the pregnancy, it's like in a whole nother re anyway. But point is when you're going up the hill, I think all these transitions are exciting. So when you saw the CN Tower, you're like, oh yeah, like I'm I'm in achieving mode. I'm in like growth mode. You're going, yeah, you're and now you can still be in achieving and growth mode, but it's just different. It's just a little bit so different.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, this brings in another point. So sorry, listeners, we have less of a less of a specific way in which we're doing this because we're just gonna think of ideas of getting old. So I remember seeing, and I I think I think you and I have talked about this, so I love that you're right. I would say that we're at the top, probably over the hill, but now maybe we're heading down as we're shedding. So they said that really what it should be is you spend your first, you know, not half of the life, but like your adulthood of like building everything up, right? And that the latter part should really be tearing it down. Like, because it's you're reinventing. So while you're going down the hill, it is visually as if you're going up, it should be equally exciting, which I believe it is. Like I'm in the part where I feel it is exciting as it was maybe in my 20s, because I know like there's retirement and all of that, but I have no idea how I'm getting there. Like it's kind of how it was. It's like I know I need to grow up, get a job, start a family, but I don't know how that's gonna happen. It isn't that exciting, right? So I feel like it's the it isn't that exciting, but instead I'm going down the hill because it feels simpler because I'm actually letting go. Like, you know me, my number one has been shed, shed the shit.

SPEAKER_01:

Like if you listen to the last podcast, oh yeah, that would be on divorce.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Like I'm like, let's it just feels complicated. I want to do I just I mean, that's a great analogy.

SPEAKER_01:

That's exactly it. Like the speed goes because of the because of the incline, like we're on the down, yes, but also and you could die any minute, yeah. And the speed, the time goes faster, it does go faster. Like this year already for me is going by so fast, and usually winter feels slow. I can't believe it's gonna be March. Like this is crazy. Yeah, but if you were like a good old cartoon, you'd be like, if you were like on Santa Slay, you'd be chucking things off his sleigh to get the speed going.

SPEAKER_00:

So that's how I feel. Literally, you're shedding. So I do feel like I'm in my 20-something phase, but it's like my 50s because it's all exciting and unknown. I could literally do anything. Literally, like, no, I have children and I have responsibilities, but because they're now out of the house and I know I think you also feel a little bit like that though.

SPEAKER_01:

I do, but you know why? You know, I think you do a little bit more than if I were Five or talking to many of my friends who are still married.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I do think a lot of the Yeah, that's a huge reason. 100%. Yeah, that's a huge like I think um everybody in this stage is looking for those kind of new unknown, but if but if you have made the decisions you have made, you're you're you're literally on that track. Literally the same. So like you and I could be in the same track, but you are shedding things faster. So therefore you're going faster, you're down that path.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's fair in a quicker, quicker way.

SPEAKER_01:

So it's just kind of interesting.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what I also thought was um back to the Olympians that match that pairs up is that that uh really brilliant Eileen Goo? It's G U. I don't know how to say her name.

SPEAKER_00:

Probably you.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it's G U.

SPEAKER_00:

But that would be Y G U.

SPEAKER_01:

No, it's G U. Anyway, okay. She was also someone asked her in the interview is brilliant, and they said this is not an offensive question. How do you think? Do you think before you talk? Because she talks and responds really, really fast, and she's incredibly competent and just like brilliant thoughts that come out of her brain. And so she got onto this whole topic about framing her brain for growth and neuroplasticity, and like essentially training her brain to think a certain way, the way, same way that she trains her muscles and her responses and all of this. And she was saying, Isn't it so cool that you can completely decide how you want to think and feel and train your brain to think and feel that and then just do that? And she blew my mind. I need to look that up. Was that that's just brain neuroplasticity in your brain? I well, I it got me thinking. I was like, What do you mean? I'm looking that up. So I think she's correct. I think it's a little more complicated than what she's actually.

SPEAKER_00:

No, of course, but then she's mastered it, so it's that simple. Of course, she's once you've mastered it, then you're like, okay, it's that simple. But like I agree, it takes some time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, but she was. I just what I thought the insight that was really cool was that you could just train your brain to think and feel what you wanted. So then if you take pair that into this next phase of life that we're in, and you're shedding, like you're shedding old ways of thinking or old approaches, or you know, and we all know people who are really good at being their best selves and controlling that and being able to put that into practice. And we know all know people who have no interest in changing or being their best selves, and then we know lots of people are kind of in the middle, right? Like, like I have bad habits around my thinking or my feelings that just are habitually.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Like, yeah, like we did chat about this last week. Like I can respond defensively in things. That is a habit. That's completely a habit to how my brain goes.

SPEAKER_00:

So how do you try really, really hard not to when you're processing or or allow the reaction to be much smaller? Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Right? Yeah, I agree. So even when we're in these circumstances where all the doctors in the room are younger than us, if we had trained ourselves to, I am here under the best hands possible, doesn't matter who they are, we might not even notice.

SPEAKER_00:

We might not even notice.

SPEAKER_01:

Fair, fair five. 100%.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think we'll get there. I mean, I do think it's also cool to kind of when's the time. Who was telling? It was something else I saw. And I do think that the 50, another positive way of looking at it is in your younger first phase, everything's like new and exciting. So I don't mind being in that situation where because like, how often do you get something new and exciting and funny? Like you just don't get that as much anymore unless you're in certain things.

SPEAKER_02:

You don't look for it.

SPEAKER_00:

You have to look for it because you're so like consumed by everybody else's energy and life and you're responding and managing. So when I find myself in situations, like I literally always now, often like it's just a bit of a shit show. Like weird things happen, and that's because I think I'm not toting children around or man. It's probably so I'm out in the world, not really sure what.

SPEAKER_01:

So I'm gonna interject. I don't think it's because you're toting kids around because I have an extra kid. I've always been looking for those new and excited. I think it's a mindset. I do think it is. I do think it's a mindset.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you've changed everything else. Well, also I'm not as in my head. Yeah. Like, so I'm not as weighed down, I think for me. I I can work walk around the world without head, like I'm in my head all of a lot. Um, my kids like find it weird. They're like, you just get in the car and you don't turn on music. I'm like, no, I'm just thinking, I'm processing, I'm D D D D. But I think I have less noise because everyone's kind of taken care of. So you're right. Maybe I never trained my brain to go beyond that because I was busy. That's how I kept my stress and levels and I regulated. Now I'm walking into the world, kind of looks like my head's up. Like I'm looking up now, not down. That's if I could describe it, and life is just funny. And this was so much to see. There's you gotta just pay attention. Yeah, you're just paying attention. Now it's about capacity to pay attention. So I think that I'm not that different from probably a lot of people. Uh actually, I know for a fact I'm not, um, who aren't. So when you have that ability to pay attention to things beyond what's affecting you and your orbit, you go back to what it was like in your 20s because you had less noise in your head. Because I had less responsibilities.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

So now I'm like, ha, that was funny.

SPEAKER_01:

And then I realized because you're paying attention. You're actually paying attention to life.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I also, yes, yes, possibly.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you're paying attention in a different way. Maybe you're always paying attention, but you're paying attention, attention, yeah, you're not being distracted, whether that is by people or music in the car. Like that's a good analogy.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I get in the car, I don't do anything either. Also, so it's good.

SPEAKER_00:

I think it's I like this again as a benefit to getting older, is there's a level, and I think it's what people describe, and that's why they say even your 60s are better, and whatever. Um there's a new newness, if that makes sense. A reinvention, an ability to just do different things. And you're right, that is on a spectrum based on what your dynamic is. I agree with that. But I do think there's a level of that regardless.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. And I think if you don't find the newness, that's where it can get a bit squishy.

SPEAKER_00:

Doesn't feel very squishy. Like that's where it's not as fun.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. Squishy in like a rotting kind of way. Like uh you know what I mean. Squishy, no, like in a yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know. So those that's our old do we have another story? Because it's okay if this one's a shorter one. Those were just some funny things we were talking about. We wanted to.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, that was her whole theme, was like, where the heck do we fit into this? And I think you know what I think the answer is? We don't, and we're actually not going to. And that's okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Can I tell you the other thing that um the fun thing to watch too? I'm noticing more is when, so I just posted this because like I just had this aha moment, but it happens all the time. Where and the Olympics is a great example, right? Like when you were younger and you had someone who you watched, and then all of a sudden, fast track 25 years later. Not an actor, that's a different thing, but we were talking it about it as Sidney Crosby, when all of a sudden everyone realized how much older he was. Like it's kind of like if you don't see someone on a daily without their helmet or an actor, I'm not talking about that. Yeah, I'm talking about so I'm watching Traders Canada or no, Traders US, not Canada this time. And they have Tara Lipinski and am I saying her name right? And um Johnny Weir, I think is his name, the skaters, and they're on this, and I love them. And they're like pretending that they're no spoiler alert that they were besties in this traitors. I've never watched this, but you're I just heard about this. You must. It's just a fun thing to watch. Like it's pure entertainment and it's just a bit of survivor and all that stuff in. But anyway, I watched this one and it's actually a really good season. But when everything kind of comes back to you, because I remember the Olympics with Tara Limpinski, and I remember how young she was, and it just brings you back. I just don't think you get it a lot. Like you get it through your kids and you get it in moments, but I'm talking about a feeling of trajectory of like like if if you could watch it, it's like you're transported immediately to your back. Like when that happens, I love that flipping feeling, especially if it's a positive and not a negative, because sometimes it's negative. Something you eat, something you smell. But these two together, A, they're just fantabulous, but and and they're actually best friends, and now I'm following them on socials. But that was the other thing. I'm coming at it as like again, as an adult, like an entirely different perspective. Like it's just it's hard for me, but I'm I'm in the state of gratitude. Okay, last thing, everybody. This is life with Tanya. I'm like um the last thing to round this out. I had moments to think this weekend where the goal is to live so fully human, right? Like I feel like I'm I've been trying to articulate this. It's like I'm a like a little kid in a candy shop again. Like I have this opportunity, even if it's bad or good, I'm coming at everything with a perspective. I've had some really shitty things happen, and in those moments they feel shitty, but I can connect at and I think that happens naturally, regardless of what happened, because you're 50 now. Like you've had experiences, and this is what people talk about. I every conversation I now have with people feels so much deeper and like so refreshing and so like rejuvenating and so like intense and like oh juicy and great. Like, because it's I am so able to relate in a much deeper way than my 20-year-old self. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01:

Greater experience and ability to, yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00:

And this, you know, when it was like the Dalai Lama or whoever, it's not the Dalai Lama, but um, someone like about ascending, like you have to, what's that top of the pyramid, top of the thing, like that? The hierarchy of needs, yeah, the hierarchy of needs or whatever. But it's that. And I was listening to a really old interview uh with Stephen Colbert, and he was talking about grief, so it wasn't it's grieving in many ways, but he said the goal is you have to be grateful for all the things, it's a gift for you in the moment to experience something terrible because now going forward, when you meet someone who's experienced that, you now know and you can connect at a deeper level. And isn't that all of our goals? To live more full, that's being more fully as a human. And I was like, mind blown. Have you read The Alchemist? No, but I should. I thought so that came up too. You've heard that I've totally have, yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

It's short, it's a short, it's like a parable and then a novel.

SPEAKER_00:

That's good for me.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, but it's essentially that idea quick synopsis is like your life is gonna go where your life is gonna go. We spend so much time thinking about where it's gonna go, trying to manipulate where it's gonna go, overthinking all these things. But if if you can possibly just let it be what it's gonna be, which is very difficult, uh, and understand that it doesn't matter if you were meant to be here, you're gonna get there.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know, maybe on time or whatever the thing is, but that's that's the quick and dirty of the very short novel. But that I love that and see what it's gonna be. Yeah, and I think that which is also okay, on the theme of that in midlife. So we're all chasing longevity, we're all chasing, well, I'm gonna turn 50 and hey, what's today? Is today the 23rd? What is the date today?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh the 23rd.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, two months today. Ugh. Two months today, I turned 50. Oh, I was like, what happened two months today? What are we talking about? I see, I don't like this, but anyway, so two months today. Yes, where I'm feeling this. That's why that's why this year is going so fast. Um, anyway, you don't want it to. So I for now have lost my train of thought.

SPEAKER_00:

But menopause. You said in you were talking about the alchemists, and you're meant to get where you're gonna go, and then yeah, oh yeah. So that's the thing with age, is that we all want to live forever.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. But the shit part is that we're not all gonna live forever, and we don't know who's gonna make it to 95 and who's gonna make it to 65, and what it what it is. And we're all chasing all this when really we should not be chasing the length of time and years. We should be chased, in my opinion. Yes, be chasing the depth in today. Yes, that's it. Being in the moment of the depth of today is far more important than that than the length of the years, yes, because and I was thinking about this a lot um because my dad passed away, he was just with 70.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_01:

So, and this weekend or in the anyway, I had an album that came up on Facebook, and we it was just the anniversary last year. Oh gosh. So I wound up going through all these out like pictures, and I had written stories for each picture. That was just how I grieved 11 years ago. And so much of the theme of my dad was around the depth of the moments, which he didn't say it like that, but he always would talk about moments. And it got me thinking over the weekend about wait a second, like I've really gotta live this because if I look at that, he only was 20 years older than me. I know his mother was in her early 50s, his father was in his early 60s.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So you start to, and that's kind of where my if I was having a panic attack, that's where I would have a panic attack around. Is like, oh my god, I'm running out of time, running out of time, running out of time. Yes. And so that's where this concept around living left is like it's about what's left.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

And it's not just, and that sounds, you know, some people might feel that sounds more, but I'm like, it's not what's it, but it's like treating what's left with the gratitude and beautifulness of an acceptance that that what is left, maybe it is 20 years, maybe it's five years, hopefully it's another 50. But I have to treat it all with the same respect and the great love of it and the depth, giving, honoring that, and so creating moments where you can be grateful for the 30-year-old doctor, but also be grateful for the crappy moments, too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I I agree with you. I think it's we all kind of get there. I think that's just a big part of this time period, is is you are shown these things, you gain perspective in a lot of ways. And I think your longevity is definitely one of them, right? When you, I mean, just like I was watching the interview with Eric Dane, like all of that stuff, right? Yes, like I know. So when you think it's a you need to take those rebounds, you need to, that's the universe, you know. You those are reminders. Like I've had um cancer surrounding me and friends and family, and like those and you talking about your dad, like, but your 20 year old, like I'm just gonna say, perspectively, there's a feeling of naturally, I think a feeling of um, you know, you're gonna live forever when you're younger. It's just not on your mind as much unless you've had some some serious trauma that creates, but for most people, and I think that's part of the so that constant feeling maybe once was a bit fearful, right? But now there's a lot more peace to it. And and it was just through that description of and what you're saying is intentionally, when you understand that exactly what you said, it's about today and being and and intentionally living today, the depth of this moment versus because you can no longer predict, there's a beauty behind that, there's a gift in that if you're able to live that way, but it takes effort, right? Like you're also human, like you're not gonna be able to do that every day. But if you could do that way more than you did two years ago, you're already winning, in my opinion. And it was like a feeling I was a working really hard at, but I was also just feeling that way. Um, and then when it was articulated that way, I was like, oh, that's it.

SPEAKER_01:

Like maybe that's why I never want to go to bed tandem.

SPEAKER_00:

Maybe that's why I'm just trying to soak out every little everything, every well, you've always been, you're all you are very good. It's it's harder for me, I think, than you to you get out every you wring out every ounce of an experience, which is part of the beauty of who you are.

SPEAKER_01:

Like I don't like to leave things early, I don't like to like come late, but I like I and I've never actually thought about I've never thought about it like in this way. Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, I don't think it one is better than I'm disappointed.

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, I you you nastily do that. Whereas I was like, when are we going to bed? Because I'd like my bed and I want to sleep. Whereas um, yeah, it's just a mindset shift and a being shift that just allows you to look at everything differently. And do I have it all figured out? Absolutely not, but I'm so much more aware of it, and then you make choices and you just don't worry about certain things and you just don't think about things. But I think the main thing for me was the goal, is the gift in being able to connect with others. So I always knew connection and community. We've talked about this, it's important, but they never felt so fantastically juicy, is the word I'm gonna, because it's like this, like than they do now.

SPEAKER_01:

But it was more of an idea than actually like a uh tangible.

SPEAKER_00:

I couldn't put my arm around it, my hands on it. I was like, why am I doing this so much?

SPEAKER_01:

So it was a theory of community, and now you've created and found a community and you feel part of it.

SPEAKER_00:

Or I think it's how you show up. So like I show up very different than I did 15 years ago. So, and because of my experiences, I can show up in a much deeper way than I did before. You know, I was still a good person, probably had similar values, that sort of thing. But like I can now, no matter who I talk to, kind of really relate. And so there's an energy exchange. That's what I've talked about energy all the time. I can sometimes see and feel it with another human more than I did before. You're moving into your witchcraft. My little woo-woo thing. But I think it's that it's the kiss that the understanding. It's like I see you and I've been there, and now I can I can listen and have this conversation with you in a way different. So that for anyone who's like, what the hell are you talking about? You will get to a level of this, and it's you know why?

SPEAKER_01:

But I have a theory. You said something at the beginning. You said, you know, we were talking about historically don't remember things. I'm gonna be fascinated to see if you remember these things. I think you will. I think you're having a deeper connection and deeper experiences. So if you fast forward to five years, you're gonna remember these things, or 10 years, you're gonna look back. But maybe as a hypothesis, maybe the reason things were a blur is that you are going too fast across things and not deep enough.

SPEAKER_00:

100%. That's my theory, too. I and I said I had a theory, and I I agree. I'm putting those pieces together because I'm living in a way that is just feels different. And and I think that that is probably what getting older is, right?

SPEAKER_01:

But everyone's getting older for you is if you had been living deeper, maybe that's not for everybody.

SPEAKER_00:

So, what I was gonna actually say is if it's on a trajectory of zero to a hundred, right? In ages, you're right. Some people are faster at certain parts, right? Like I think we all kind of, and some people never are always like at a certain speed. Like, do you know what I mean? Like if so, I think that's just what it is.

SPEAKER_01:

Maybe it's reverse. Maybe people who, as they get older, they go the other way.

SPEAKER_00:

The Olympian. So when she's talking about her perspective, I'm like, how are you even appreciating or having those thoughts? So she clearly is faster, like in the ascension, you know, of life, of getting there. I'm like, and I guess you would have to be to be an Olympian. Like, I'm sure they're all that way. It's not an average human who can just be like me, I'm just gonna do that. Like I think they're all probably kind of fascinating that way. Anyway, so that's the benefits of getting older and the funny stories we now find ourselves in as we're 50. And Anne Marie is two months away now. You heard it.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm still 49.

SPEAKER_00:

49. I I think once or twice I said it was 52. I'm like, what am I talking about? I'm only 50.

SPEAKER_01:

Six months. Yeah, I know. Don't jump ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Don't jump ahead.

SPEAKER_01:

This is that thing you don't want to jump ahead on. Speaking of time, uh, we have a meeting in five minutes. Okay, look at us. We're done. Okay. This was short and sweet. No, it was not short.

SPEAKER_00:

We could just keep talking. That's the thing. But we will put you all out of your misery. We hope you enjoyed it um and got a laugh here or there, and would love to know if you've had these where are all the adults. That should be the title of this podcast.

SPEAKER_01:

Where are all the adults? Where are all the adults? We are the adults. You know what? No, but that's the point, Amory. But here's the thing is if the 22-year-old is an adult and an 80-year-old is an adult. Like super adults?

SPEAKER_00:

No, dude, you're you're being too literal with my funniness. That's the funny part. Is yes, we're all adults. Duh. But Tanya Garcia came to the party and was like, what? That's the funny part of it.

SPEAKER_01:

Got it. Okay. All right, got it.

SPEAKER_00:

Other people maybe don't aren't that dense. I was like, I feel uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01:

Now we're gonna have to look around and be like, every time we go somewhere, we're gonna be like, How old are you?

SPEAKER_00:

I know, I know. It's so true. Okay, have a great rest of your day, everybody.

SPEAKER_01:

Hopefully, feel young, feel young. Okay, I stopped.