Purpose Over Autopilot: Positive Psychology & the Midlife Shift

We talk with Mary Farron about the moment a “happy life” stops feeling like enough and how intention turns midlife into an awakening instead of a crisis. We dig into women and entrepreneurship, positive psychology, and why purpose is built through small choices that add up to a scalable legacy.

• Building a business as a woman while managing self-doubt and risk
• The “full bucket” trap and the cost to your nervous system
• Using a midlife pause to choose meaning instead of drifting on momentum
• Bringing positive psychology into workplace culture beyond perks and platitudes
• Finding support systems when family support is not available
• Why happiness is less about circumstances and more about response
• Recovery and hardship as a fast track to awareness and gratitude
• Reconnecting leaders to belief and identity so teams can align
• Purpose as connection and contribution that shows up in everyday moments
• “You’re only old if your future is smaller than your past”

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Transcript

Welcome And Introducing Mary

SPEAKER_03 0:32

Tanya. Hey Amory. We have one of your favorite people on as our guest today on the left turn living left podcast.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

I'm actually a little nervous about this because whenever we have someone from you, you get nervous.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

I can always tell. Oh, that's so funny. I love this. I love that your worlds are coming together. I know Mary. I know that I'm very fair. Oh, yeah, that's true. I'll show you.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

Oh, go ahead. You're a person from the past, the two of you. I get a little bit uh not not jealous, but sort of because I know you have your Bendy Betty and Veronica thing. And I I don't have a name like that for me and Tanya. I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

You're both Veronica's. You're both Veronica's.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

It's so funny. Wait, you get more of the current Tanya. I got a lot of past Tanya. So like I have some I have some envy there too. Because I don't get enough of the Can we talk about me more in this?

SPEAKER_02 1:26

You guys keep going.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Okay, let's introduce Mary.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

Yes. Are we gonna have Mary introduce her? Because I'm like, I will introduce as a little anecdotal story. Because I've shared this on previous podcasts. And then Mary, you're gonna just really introduce yourself in all of the wonderful things that you've done. But I am very excited to have you on this podcast, but I have mentioned you in previous podcasts. So, listeners, if you stay with us, there was a story I have told many times where Mary Farron, before I decided to take a significant left turn, Mary was presenting to our previous come my previous company's group in um in the boardroom and talking about happiness. And Mary will explain why she would be doing this herself. But we're in there and I considered myself a very happy person. And she was presenting the tenants of happiness, blah, blah, blah. One of which is community. And because she's checking the boxes, like, are you happy? You're happy if it's you have this, this, this. And it was that aha moment in that boardroom. I can distinctly feel how I felt in that moment when I realized I wasn't as happy as I possibly could be. And it was that that was the trajectory for me to rethink. I think I was in around it, like I give myself some credit, but this is my Mary, who like was always there in my head to go, yeah, but maybe. And that is why she was like, we grew up a lot in our previous life. So Mary, I'm excited for you to be here. Talk about yourself and all of the wonderful things, and then let's get into how we are better people because we met. I think, because I think I did equally good things too. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

Are you kidding? Totally. So Tanya and I, okay, so um for some reason. That's who you are. Okay, okay, okay. So I am, who am I? Mary Farron. I am the owner founder of a company called On Purpose that is only six years old. And I am, you know, going through all the highs and lows, the the try new things, fail, try new things again, like all that stuff, all trying to, which I think is consistent with the journey of life, to get closer and closer and closer to the unique ability or value only you know, we as a team and on purpose can can offer to our clients. Um because it's you know, it's not easy out there to figure all that out, right? So we're on this journey.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

But my six years is not only six years. Six years requires a high five, too. I'll take it. And Marie, who always remembers statistics and information, will say that's six years.

SPEAKER_03 4:12

Because I don't remember that stuff, but I remember the idea. There are stats. Never make it over five. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Isn't that yeah? I've heard that too. You know what's funny? Yeah, I've heard that too. And then also, so I've also heard that only five percent of the world is an entrepreneur, and that that what was the number you just said about only five years? How many businesses? Just uh I don't know, but most don't. So I don't know. Most don't.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

The majority, vast majority making it over five is a massive threshold, right? Okay, and as a female, only two percent.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Oh yeah, okay. Don't I say what you tell me? I feel like there's something about a two percent and a one million. What's the combo, Amory?

SPEAKER_03 4:51

I think it's uh only two percent make it to a million. I think something like that. And only less than 10% make over 100,000 or something crazy. Like there's a very small percentage. We'd have to go back to our podcast with Sheila Cummins for the exact data. Yes, she was she was very it's because also most women tend to do a solo practice, right? So they're doing something that is not, they're not building something for all of the reasons that we know. Um it's just harder still in this 2026 for women to start their own businesses, and they have, as you guys know, as former colleagues too. Like you you have reasons, there's levers you can't pull, or you don't want you're not able to, or you're there's constraints, and women have more financing available to them,

Women Entrepreneurs And Limiting Beliefs

SPEAKER_03 5:42

and women have more opportunity available to them, and also we're not raised to be courageous in that same way, and so that five percent of entrepreneurs you just mentioned, I would bet most of those are men.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Yeah, I mean, I I high five thank you. I uh participate in this uh entrepreneur coaching group, and so there's like thousands of them around the world, and I would say it's like lucky if 30% of them are women. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, lucky to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

So you started your own thing six years ago, so applaud. We're applauding.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I love it. I would like I am unemployable from that moment on. Oh, for most for most of my career, I was like, you know, I told myself, you know, it's funny as you guys were talking about all the limitations and um circumstances around women and their businesses and all of that. I was thinking about the ones that like the psychology of being a woman in the world and what it would mean to go out and build your own business. And I still deal with those um limiting beliefs. And then it's like they're so ingrained in you that you don't even know that it's a limitation until one day you look at yourself like, wait a minute, why am I getting in my own way? I've said to my team before, like, my goal is to make sure that I'm not the one ruining this business. You know, like because you yeah, we we have our strengths, and you know, that's probably the stuff that got us here, but there's also these massive blind spots that uh need attention to.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

So and that statement, I think, is what is so unique to you, Mary, because I remember when you're saying I'm constantly searching, I'm on this journey. And we've talked as friends over wine too. Like, when does the searching stop for you? It doesn't. You are constantly challenging yourself, yourself, your expectation is is immense. Um, I think you have probably more grace for others than you do for yourself. Um, but it is what makes you so uniquely special because you're unpacking that all of the time. Like any success, I think, would never may never be enough. I mean, that's an existential question we will have over bottles of wine at some point. But you're just like, you will refine and refine.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

It's probably self-actualization. Oh, it is because she's so not success within a boundary, I would guess. It's about becoming the best person that it's beautiful to watch, really that people can be, and not everybody wants to do that. A lot of people like crave a comfort and that they're just striving to get back into that comfort box. Like they get up in the morning and they just can't wait to get back to bed, right? Like, where's my where am I back? Or and that's maybe a metaphor for anyway. But then there's some that are always trying to grow and figure things out, and I would I would guess that the the three squares in this call are striving, right? And that doesn't mean you have to, that just means how that's how we're made.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Totally. I mean, I find the journey of self-development just fascinating and rewarding, and so I like you know, like I'm so curious and so like you like you could spend your life in self-discovery and never run out of things to to look at, you know. Like it's it if you if you turn the lens in, like you'll never be bored, right? Um, now my husband will say, you know, and I've been with my husband for 28 years, and so he's you know, we've had our own moments of like I'm out there taking a clap course in positive psychology, and then I go to yoga teacher training, and then I whatever. And then I want to like I say to people, I buy books like other people buy milk. Like if somebody, if you mention if you drop the name of a book right now, Emory, I'd be like, Okay, I'd probably be on Amazon ordering it, and like there's no way I'm being able to read all this. So my husband says, You have everybody has beside my library right here.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Yeah, you guys have a lot of similarities. We should probably quote each other's episode.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

Yeah, that's right. We could see we could swap books, we could probably do a book share for all the ones that I yeah, I can't read at the same time. So um, my husband would say, You you know, we all have a bucket, and in that bucket are all the things that we're interested in and we're doing and all of that. And so there's I was about to walk the dogs like in the winter, because I had my coat on and everything, and I had the leashes in hand, and he's just he just says this to me and he goes, Your bucket is full. And then when someone else says, Hey, there's this other thing, you can you just add it right to the top of the bucket, and there's no like there's no leaking out of the bucket, you just keep adding the things to the bucket. And then I sat down, I was like, and he's very careful not to be critical because this is just who I am, so it's not like he's judging and saying you shouldn't read all the books and do all the things, it's just like I couldn't, like it's exhausting. But I finally that was a moment when I was like, you know, you're right, and what cost is some of that to your nervous system, to your like there is a cost to it because it's like a lot of energy, there's a drain. There's also like you can be um so distracted by additional inputs that you're not paying attention to the things that are on your plate that you need to deal with today, anyway. So, anyway, I was just so that was its own new epiphany. It was like, oh, now I have to work on that part. Anyway, now I need to dig in.

SPEAKER_03 10:53

Okay, so this is not a work-related question, but this is a like midlife question because this is I've this is gonna have to be a long podcast, Nike. So probably only has an hour. So a little bit more, we have a lot of similarities. So um do you find so in this this midlife phase? Because we all have similar age kids, and our kids are friends too, which is also like I didn't talk about how I know Mary, but I feel like I know Mary in like multiple different ages. I know, that's so fun, yeah. Like all weird uh other components, but so a lot of women find themselves in this age and stage in their career or uh in their personal life where they're trying to find new things to pursue and they're stuck. And I don't relate to that, and I don't think you relate to that either, because if you're always adding, I'm just like, oh, there's more time actually to add things to the bucket. Like I'm excited about the fact that there's more time. I'm definitely not shy of a list. Like the list is like I sat on the beach yesterday, and I you'll laugh. I will see this. I made a list. I made a list. They were in the they were in the water and they came up and I had my book open, but I had an idea, so I had to like get my phone to make and I made an entire list of all the people I needed to see, how I could be a better friend, what could I be doing, and I broke things into like if people have deadlines and like there's categories. Oh my god, good for you, and I was like, I need to do this, I need to do this, and it was all about filling my time with all these things of people I want to see, things I want to do, and how I could combine them. And how could I and also in the learning of the things to do? Like yeah, like I it doesn't occur to me that there should be a stoppage to filling the bucket. But I know you find in your life, it's interesting, like it's a because that's the left turn podcast is also overlapping with our left turns in our life, but also at this midlife stage, like it's different than it was a decade ago. It's different probably than it's gonna be like in a decade from now.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Yeah, I find this age so fascinating. We're all in this we're all within a year or two of each other, I think, aren't we? Yeah. Um, and our kids being the same age and all of that. Um, you know, I'll go away to a cottage with a bunch of girlfriends who I love dearly, all in different professions. Like we've got people who work for the government and teachers, and then we've got people who are in like sales and have been pharma sales for 30 years, and one of them is my neighbor. Oh, there you go. That's so funny. Yeah, exactly. So um, and then people talking about retirement and stuff, and I like and I think about you know, whatever is right for you is you do. I could, I like

The Full Bucket And Nervous System

SPEAKER_01 13:42

I couldn't relate to the conversation at all because I have just no runway for the winding down of that. Um, I'm so excited and so challenged, and it's like I'm like I'm like I've never been more like intellectually stimulated in my life. Now, does that mean I want to work and do all the things I did 20 years ago that like today that I did then? No. And 10 years from now, do I want to be putting in the hours that I'm putting in now? Probably not, but I just don't see a world where like dimming my contribution in this way would be um any better for me. And so for me, it's just like maybe it takes different shape, but it's certainly not a I can't wait to the day when I can crochet all day or travel or whatever. Crochet is probably I do like to crochet, that's probably why you're like, I do like to crochet. I was like, don't you want to do that? I'm a nerdy old lady already.

SPEAKER_03 14:33

That's such a fantastic sentence, though. Dimming, I just wrote it down and circled it. So dimming my contribution. Yeah, that's a beautiful sentence. Like, I can't imagine dimming my contribution in that way. But interesting, we're probably gonna brighten our contribution in other ways. Like, so what is the contribution gonna look like? That's well, the perfect purpose. What's the purposeful living?

SPEAKER_02 14:58

What's the yeah, the intention behind it? And you've always maybe you can talk a little bit about, you know, through I mean, uh I haven't obviously known you your entire life and or your entire career, but a good number of the years, and one thing like almost 20 years, Tanya. Yeah, so then a really good number of the years, right? Just almost goes so fast, all the ones I remember. Yeah, me too. That's true. There's too much drama in the previous. Um, but you always were very good at boundaries around that intention. So, yes, genuinely curious, definitely would be one of you know my top descriptors of you. Um, but you were always, you know, if if you were, you would lean in and you had a support system to do that, to lean in and do that, both um like I think personally, um, but as well professionally. And maybe you can talk a little bit, because I think that's a fascinating journey that I don't know that everybody knows. Um, like maybe a bit of your work thing, because then we have the, I mean, the yoga retreat element was kind of for me, felt like you inspired a lot of people by doing that. Maybe you can add some context to that, and then us kind of leaving at the same time and then the paths you had to go and kind of what you know now and maybe wish you knew before, or kind of always intuitively knew because that's the way you navigate it to be able to fully do everything.

SPEAKER_01 16:24

You know what's interesting is um you don't know, you don't really know in the moment until you look in the rearview mirror and you're like, oh, that that fit puzzle piece fit in for this reason. And doesn't isn't that interesting that it is who I am today and all that? So um none of this road that I've been on was particularly strategic. Sure. Um, other than at like she's you know, paying attention to the inner voice at different points in time in my life, right? So um I am like a uh a word nerd, a communicator. I have an English undergrad, an English split undergrad, which gets zero people a job. So I did a post-grad in corporate.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

I also you do oh I have a like have you guys figured out yet while that's why we love the books.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

We love the books, we love the books. I know.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

And I have a modern communications, that's my degree.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Oh, that's so fun.

SPEAKER_03 17:14

So then I did a post-grad in the same school your kids go to. You got the you got those kids. Mine didn't go to my LML Mine school.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Oh, is that right? Well, no, because Andrew's somewhere far away, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:25

Yeah, far away, out east. Anyway, yeah, so keep going, but yes, same degree. So fun.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

No wonder you love us both, Tanya.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

So okay, so anyway, um, so then I go into a career starting in the PR space, but I'm always in the consulting side, I'm always in advertising, marketing, whatever, and I move up the ranks at different agencies and I end up at the same agency as Tanya. Actually, I was Tanya's client before um before I worked at the agency. And I remember one day at my old client, you know, where I was working, saying to myself, I want to go work at a place that is creative and has fun people, and there's a good vibe. And, you know, lo and behold, maybe within six months, this agency hired me and I met Tanya, and Tanya and I became colleagues, which was super fun. So at that agency, like a great place to grow, like on this, like from the outside looking in was all the right things. It's like fun and good people and interesting work and opportunity to grow. Like both Tanya and I left there as uh, you know, we were on the leadership team before we decided to make our own moves and stuff like that. So it had all the right things. But when I was about so 38, 39, 40, I say I had my first midlife crisis because I don't know if or left turn. Yeah. I well at that point, like my first left turn. And I I it's funny, I hadn't thought about that way. I love that. Um, and I had it was the first time in life where the kids were like six and eight years old, and I had you know achieved good things in my career. I'm like, I'm pretty good at what I do, and I love my family, my kids are good, but like I kind of did all like, you know, between 20 and 40, you get a degree or do whatever schooling you do, you go get into your career, you find your partner, you have your kids, you buy a house, like, and then you're like, okay, what do I do now? Do I just like get old? Do I just watch my children grow and like I'm just gonna do this thing? So it was the first time in my life where I was like, did I just arrive here without any intention? Because the momentum and the current in life between 20 and 40 is so strong that you just find yourself doing what everybody's doing. And so I had this moment of pause. I was like, do I and I remember saying to my husband that one day, I was like, Oh, what if I don't want this life? And he was so sweet and wonderful and like kind about it. He just goes, You have some responsibilities.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

He was like I remember those you and us talking about that. He was so good, he handled it so well.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Um, and then do I no, do I get it? You're doing such a good job. You know, and then I don't know how you guys feel, but like being the career mom, there I did have moments where like a very good friend of mine before she met me, our kids went to school together, and they always used to see Brandon at the school and they'd be like, you know, what's that single dad doing? Like they just I so I get ribbed all the time for like the you know, poor Brandon with the city.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

How unfair is that? So unfair, so unfair. So unfair pants. We think the yoga pant mom doesn't work either. Yeah, the same chose goes two ways because I've had it the other way. Because you're available, they think yeah, they anyway, whatever. Yeah, I know there's a whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Well, so that I really did like a maybe six months or a year of like deep, deep thinking reading. I read The Road Less Traveled, which is a really interesting book from the 80s. Dr. Scott Peck wrote, and the first line in the book is life is difficult, and the minute you realize that, then it doesn't have like its hold on you anymore. It's like one of the greatest truths in life because you're not resisting it's difficult. Um, part of it, but he also said the road less traveled is the one where people choose spiritual growth and development. Like, not a lot of people choose to do that. And I was like, Oh, well, I want to do that work, I want to grow and I want to develop and all that. And um, that led me to probably turns left. The road left travel. The road left, yeah, that's right. You're right.

SPEAKER_04 21:18

Totally.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

So, so what the the big central moment of that like whole um time was me recognizing that no, Mary, you don't need to move to Africa to feed starving children in order for your life to have meaning. It happens right here in your house with your kids and your family, and the people you affect in your work and

Midlife Pause And Daily Meaning

SPEAKER_01 21:42

the lady at the coffee shop. Like, you don't go and trip over meaning and you know, whatever. You make it, you decide to make meaning every day in your life. So I just got super intentional about what I was doing. Um, and and it felt amazing. Like it felt like, wow, now, now like I can, I can matter, and what I do can matter. It does, you know, just because I have this very stereotypical suburban life with, you know, I went to college and I got my job and I have you know two and a half kids in a picket fence or whatever, um, doesn't make my life any less meaningful. So that was a pivotal moment. And then so now I'm like, what did I do? Yeah, okay. So we're on this leadership team at this agency, and I pitched to the leadership team. I'm like, hey, we've got a hundred people in this business, we have a great group of people. People. We love them. But why are people so stressed out, apathetic, mad at clients all the time? Like we kind of had this like edge running through the agency. And I had this insight that said, and it's probably because of all the work I was doing, but um, no amount of like volunteer days or breakfast on Fridays or foosball package or tables in the lobby are going to change any of that into unless the person walking in the door in the morning has the right mindset. And I mean, you could call me a bit of a self-help nerd because I read Tony Robbins when I was a kid. Yes. But um, I learned about something called positive psychology. So I studied it for a year and the agency supported it. And uh when I came back, I introduced this program we called Thrive. We did these sessions every month, and I was sheepish about it because people look at me and they're like, of course you're happy, that's just who you are. Like, like it comes to you naturally. Look, you smile all the time, which is absolutely not true. Um, yeah, when people ask my husband, what's it like living with somebody so so happy all the time? He goes, I'll let you know when I do. It's a choice, you know. And you work on these things. Well, Tanya knows me well enough to be able to do that. I know you well enough. Um but that was a big moment because it was kind of like the moment that the work life and the stories we tell to help our customers buy products and all of that, but merged with the stories we tell ourselves as you know, individuals, as businesses, as teams. So it's like the psychology of the work I was doing matched with the storytelling work that I was doing. And so it was like the generation one, probably like the the little um the those like the little yeah, the little C of what I'm doing of what I'm doing now started. And then I don't know, like two years later I went and was it two years later that I studied?

SPEAKER_02 24:28

Yeah, no, you mean the when you were the yoga for yoga, you became a yoga instructor. I think this in around that the yoga instructor might have happened even before I was 42. Yeah, oh when you did the yoga instructing, yeah. Oh, okay. Anyway, in that you were also led you.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

That feels like that possibly led you to yoga and a whole thing.

SPEAKER_02 24:51

You were doing a bunch of things for sure.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

And then I mean that the the the agency we worked at was kind enough to allow me to take some unpaid time off and some vacation to go away for a month to study yoga.

SPEAKER_02 25:03

But let's just speak about what I think a lot I love about that. So that's where like I found myself in in a boardroom during one of the Thrive sessions. Like that to me was inspiring everything you were doing. If if there were people there, and I don't think I would have been the only one who just desperately needed it. So sometimes when you have someone who is just providing that in an environment, you're there anyway. Um, I'm sure you had a lot of impact. But also equally was the impact when you decided to leave for a month. Like, talk about if we talk about unfair circumstances in the judgment of you're leaving your children. Do you remember when for a month? Yes, like I still get that. Oh, I'm sure you do. Yeah. And we're just like, yeah, but if if the man left, would anybody be wondering? No, like that was no, there's a whole new story.

SPEAKER_01 25:53

Good on you for doing it. It's funny, and it comes from, and you said you said this earlier, Tanya, but it comes from like I know having a very, very supportive family network. Like the kids and Brandon, like we're like we're on the same team. And like he Brandon's the one who brought it up because he knows he knew how much I loved yoga. And he gave me for my birthday one year. This is all like in the midlife crisis time. It was a it was a paper bag, and in the paper bag, it was just a piece of paper that said Mary Inc. And like I had never had like aspirations to run my own company or anything like that. I I had a really powerful story in the back saying I'm just a really valuable contributor, I would never want the weight of that on my shoulders, and like that was a powerful We both did. I remember like we both had to talk ourselves out of that, yeah. And so when he said that, he's like, There's something here, and he's like, I looked into the because he knows where I practice yoga, he's like the teacher training, they do them in the whatever month of the year, da-da-da. And then I looked it up, I'm like, dude, it's 30 days long. And the kids were eight and ten, no, ten and twelve. Um and uh he's like, it's just like a few weeks, and this is like super first world thing. He's like, it's only like two Maria days, and Maria's our cleaning lady and she comes every other week. So this is just like two Maria days. That's amazing. He was great. He he was like the energy behind because then like all of a sudden, like I'm like, oh, so it's not crazy because you're you're putting it out there, like I should do this. So that's huge, though, Mary. That's having an ally to encourage you in that way is huge, huge, absolutely massive.

SPEAKER_03 27:28

Oh, and always has been the case, which is always since I've known you, always you to be the best person you can be. Yeah, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

I'm very, very great.

SPEAKER_03 27:39

Yeah, like like all like as a team, you sound like a strong team.

SPEAKER_01 27:42

We're a very strong team, even more like, and so then those things happen and you do it, and the kids were wonderful, and Brandon was wonderful. I was homesick. I had to fight being so homesick every day and be like, don't ruin this experience for yourself because you're homesick. Like everybody made this possible. So don't go because I was like, I was so heartsick. I had I learned that the teacher training ended like 24 hours before the stated date. And so my flight home was on whatever day, March 31st or something like that. And I learned that you don't really need to stay for the last day. I think I spent like $700 on it, uh, like to change my ticket so I could get home a matter of like 16 hours earlier. Like I was so beside myself with um missing them. But I also was like be focused. Like I booked my own space because a lot of people go away to those places and they're dealing with stuff, and I was like, well, I don't want it, I don't I I don't have capacity, I don't want this kind of once-in-a-lifetime moment to um be taken up by someone else's energy to a degree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, it ended up being a bit more lonely for that reason. So I'm not sure if it was the best idea, but that was the the idea at the time is that I wanted it to really be the thing. Um, it was pretty and it was spectacular. Like being a yoga teacher fills my bucket and the bucket, it's in the bucket as well as all this other stuff, and I do it only one day a week in the morning, but I have this one class I teach, and it's a gift, and I'm just happy to have that one hour to do that thing that I love. But yeah, love that.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

But that's probably I wonder too, if you think about that. Everyone talks about midlife, but I do think it starts earlier. I think there is, we needed to reframe it, it's not a midlife crisis, it's like an awakening of some sort of thing, right? If you allow it definitely is an awakening, yeah. It's if you allow yourself to actually get your head up out of. I loved how you use the word momentum and the flow, like the current has pushed you along. And that has happened for sure for many people. It might happen later, like with our kids' generation, it might happen a bit later if they start or life a little later. Like I feel like that's shifting. But you so many of our choices just like we may be like that term easy going drives me a little bananas because it's like I'm just gonna go with the current. But you have you still have control within there, like you you don't have to go with the current, and and there's power in going with it and and allowing yourself to flow, but you also have some direction over like which current you want to be in. And I feel if you don't if you're not paying attention

Bringing Positive Psychology To Work

SPEAKER_03 30:12

in that 40, then 50 is harder. It's way harder. And you you you you paid attention to something, you made it doesn't mean you have to like abort your entire life, you don't have to go away for a month and train to be something, it's just like a check-in of was this where I wanted to be? If it's not, what adjustments am I making? Totally, and it's not just about oh, I don't look the way I want it to look. Like everybody seems to go through a health journey at some point, and it doesn't have to be just oh, I'm losing 20. Like, like that's just like the little tiny layer. Like, I know what are you doing, how are you spending your time, how how are you spending your where's your thinking time going? What am I who are who am I around? Who do I want to be around?

SPEAKER_02 31:04

Like, and I think that's a big one. I think like if you if you think of let's say those two left like you know, pivots, left turns, pauses, whatever, you know, your your your trajectory now to be like this is the next phase of who I want to become and what do I need to do. There's a common um, there's a commonality there. And I think it's really so for me, when I have you here, you know, I I know I made a lot of my decisions. I've talked about that. You need to have people in your corner, like you so you in having your husband and your kids, and and that is just a tenant of of your family unit, and and obviously from birth, that's the way it is, and that's beautiful, which allows you to continue to do that. It's important for people to know that because, and and if you don't necessarily have it in your family, because I did not, I had a version of that, but I had a lot of obstacles as well. You can find that in other people, you know, your work wife, which would be like my bestie at my like person, and or like maybe it's not your family because we've shared that too. Like, I mean, you have wonderful, you know, family as well, and your sisters are so, you know, um well achieved, etc. Like you are surrounded by that. Some people don't have that. You can find that, but I do think it's important. Like, I don't want to underestimate that if you don't have it, look for it somewhere else. And we've talked about it, like Amory and I is like, you know, join groups, like find people. Like I tend to Velcro. It's not odd that the two of you are very similar. Like, I have learned maybe we're Betty and Veronica. Maybe I'm just jughead. I'm jughead and I'm just like coming around. I totally could be jughead too. Um, but literally, I think there is something very true that everyone needs to hear. But if they're all probably your listeners are they would they would get it, but you need to be intentional in creating that, and it's possible and it you can't it's it's you could, but it it's very hard to do it on your own, I guess is my point. And your stories indicate that, right? Like you are a very you are advanced compared to others, and you have self-doubt. Like, so imagine the average person. I have a lot of self-doubt, right? That's my point, though. So, and you are disciplined to pull yourself out. So imagine the average person. So the point is um, if you are and you do have that, find the people, they are everywhere, you know.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

Anyway, I just yeah, it's also like I think this um it's absolutely that that Brandon and I built a life where and like I am so grateful. Like, I when I was 40, and like maybe I don't want this like I had like I didn't even appreciate just how amazing and how much depth and steadiness he had for me and all these things, right? Like I just it so even now I'm like I look back and it's almost like um breathtaking to think of all of that support for always and never there's no ego ever involved. It's just like so. I'm just like you know, and you choose it every day with the people that you you have around you, and that those people choose to invest in you. Like um it's not something that just happens, it's not just like, oh, I you know, I have the gift of people in my life. Yes, I do, and I invest in those people and I support those people and and and you can create that, you know. There's so much, you know, in the world of positive psychology. I asked this question to you know, groups of CEOs, friends, the agency we worked at. So I've asked this question to like hundreds of people over the last decade or so, maybe a thousand. How much of your happiness, your general sense of well-being is can is dictated by your circumstances? And percentage-wise, you guys can guess, but Tanya's already heard this before, but she doesn't remember numbers.

SPEAKER_03 35:09

No, I don't remember numbers, but this was how much percentage of your happiness is is indicative to your circumstances. Yeah, I'm gonna say it's low. Because you have control over your mind, not necessarily your circumstances. Is that correct? That is true.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

So when I ask this question, whether I'm talking to a group of CEOs or I'm talking to a group of factory workers or people at an advertising agency, they all the large majority of people say somewhere above 75%. That set more than 75% of my general sense of well-being is dictated by the circumstances I find myself in. So, how much power do we give to the situation versus the response to the situation? So the research breaks it out like this 50% of your just general sense of well-being has to do with your genetics. You're either you've won the lottery or you haven't. If you're like a Eeyore or Tigger, I don't know. Um 10% is circumstance is based on your circumstances, like food shelter, clothing. But once people have food shelter clothing taken care of, their their level of happiness is very um uh the delta between somebody who makes a million and somebody who's just taking care of food shelter clothing um is like negligent. So uh 40% of your you know, general sense of well-being is within your control. And so I think I I feel like that's one of the most fundamental lessons in life. Because once you realize that, like Anais Nin, the author, has this famous quote that is, we don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are. And when you realize that, like today, and you know, we're in midlife, and I was thinking about this call today because I was like, oh, this is like day 23, and I'm in a bad mood. Everything's sad and nothing's working and all this stuff, right? Yeah, I'm like, maybe I should just reschedule. I'm like, no, Mary, you can't like pull up your socks, you can do this. Um, but I do recognize I can pause and say, okay, this day, this whatever the hormones are, whatever it is, I know that I'm looking at the day through that filter. And it's not like next week will be a different, it'll be a different filter, as opposed to condemning everybody in my life is stupid and all the conditions in my life are terrible. No, it's just me in this moment having a bad day. I feel like that's so powerful to know that.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

Yeah, like saying life is difficult, it's just gonna be, just is, but it's 10%. So 10% are based on your circumstances, but people guess it's 70 to 75 percent. So that's the work. Is that they're missing the intention.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

Well, they're missing that exactly that you can actually make change, and you it's easy to blame, it's easy to blame everyone else. I'm not happy because my kids, my work, my la la la la. Like that's 75%.

SPEAKER_01 38:02

And you know, it's not it's not really anyone's fault because if you've grown up in Western culture, you've learned that the extrinsic things in your life are all the things that are important. We've learned that it's the grades on the test, it's the friends in school. Are you the best at whatever sport you're in? Yeah. Are you making enough money? Is your spouse rich enough or handsome enough or whatever? Like all of those things we like, our lens is out there. And so then we're like looking, and then we compare ourselves to others. Like it just sort of amplified with social media and stuff like that. So it's no one's fault that they're there. Yeah, the work is to realize, and we all know people. Oh my gosh, Tanya, I just wrote, like, you know how I write my weekly, I write a weekly email. Yes, you do. And I love it, it's like my favorite thing to do. Um, and I was just playing around with one that starts with um, I once worked worked with a guy who won the lottery.

Yoga Training And Support Systems

SPEAKER_01 38:52

Oh, yes, I oh my gosh, I remember that guy. Oh, he's such a nice guy, but he just had the weight of the world on his shoulders. And so when he won the lottery, like it got out on Monday because he won it over the weekend or whatever. It got out like before he arrived at work, and we're like, we think this guy like a million dollars. Yeah, and this was like 15 years ago. Um, and we were like, he's gonna be skipping into work, and so I mean, I know that you can't like quit forever on a million dollars, but it is has a material change. It's life changing, yes. So he comes in, the very same guy he was the day before, the week before, weight of the world on his shoulders. He's like, You don't realize how much money you have to spend on the lottery to win the lottery, and then all these other people are coming out of the woodworks asking for money now. It's just like huh, and so like you know, we all know people, we all know people who it doesn't matter, and that is you know, um to change that, like to to shift into the knowing now.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

Now I have the knowing of that, right? So then you move through, and and you said it earlier, there's some people who just never get to that next point of which is probably that 50% because of genetics.

SPEAKER_03 40:10

I bet you there's a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Those people can't get there. No, that'd be rough, or or they've done really or they've worked really hard because it's so bad through it. Yeah, so they they've developed the tools to address it.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

Well, it's not surprising, you know. Present let people include uh excluded. I don't want to make a statement and then it's assumed, but you know, in the self-help world of individuals, most of these people have had immense traumatic events early on in their lives, right? Not all of them, a lot of them when you hear their stories. And I think that right, whether you have the 50% or not, that is a thing that allows for immense growth that is not is kind of forced. Like you either kind of go down to a path of you know, drugs and whatever, like, or those people who are now have lifted themselves up, they have started at a very, very, in a lot of cases, early age out of necessity.

SPEAKER_01 41:09

So can I tell you a story? Yeah, please. Okay, my brother-in-law, um, he's a couple years older than Baroness. Let's say he's like 55 or 56. He has been, and I don't think he he would not mind me telling this story at all, but he has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. And um for and I obviously I met him when I was 23, so I've known him for 25 years, 28, 28 years. Um, and different times he'd been to rehab and you know, and then made decisions in his life. Like he moved from the family home in Woodstock up to a cottage that's like four hours away from where his family was. So his wife, he and his wife split up and and he's isolated up in the cottage. And then, you know, right before COVID, he goes through like significant health challenges related to the drinking, where the doctor says you have to stop drinking or you'll die. And weirdly, um, COVID was a gift because that moment, I mean, everybody stopped doing things, but also AA meetings around the world were on Zoom. He could literally dial into an AA meeting at all hours of the day. So he went all in and he'd already done recovery journeys before and and you know, unsuccessfully and um common. Yeah, not uncommon. Um, but now, however many years sober now is he, five or six years sober, amazing. He's super invested in the community. He is a sponsor to many people. But what what one thing that occurred to me recently is he is so intentional about life, like he has this gift because of all like most of his life in struggle that now he has this gift of awareness and um intention and appreciating the smallest of things and interactions with people that you just breeze by in a day. He he's like soaking it all in. So, like it in a way, and I haven't actually talked to him about this specifically, but in a way, he's uh arrived at a different level of self-actualization than many people do because we don't do it from a place of comfort. It's like it things are good. I did my job today. I'm gonna go watch Netflix tonight, do the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 43:14

There's no reason, there's no reason to shift if if you're comfortable. Comfortable is is I'm sure there's a saying around comfort, but I mean somewhere, one of you would know it. But I mean, I think I shared it probably with both of you is like again in books, I do, I also read books, not to the same degree, but and I listen to books. I don't read books, I listen, but there were two substantial, and I've talked about this, where these individuals are die on their deathbeds in from cancer, etc. And they arrive at this actualization like they've been depressed their entire life, and as soon as they're diagnosed with cancer and given three like terminal cancer specifically, um, all of that goes away because they they immediately realize how precious, like so. How can we as humans, without the the trauma of that, get to a point where right in front of us is all that matters? And like take that in now, which happens in a lot of cases because you're you're forced there. And that for me is in the back of my mind, it has been for the last, in particular the last five years. It's like, and I have to, we all have to cons remember. Remind ourselves, don't blot like fly through today. Like enjoy today, be here.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

So I just like even like to your point, like the air you're breathing, yeah. The the the the surroundings of your environment, a beautiful conversation. Like it all it does is all it takes is that attention and focus and appreciation for it, right? Like absolutely it's so easy and so difficult.

SPEAKER_02 44:58

So you, if we like now look at on purpose, like I'm gonna now fast forward and and so so that's happening. You're supporting me too in this because uh this is I kind of follow a similar trajectory in doing different I didn't go to a yoga retreat, but I live vicariously through you. But when yeah, I differ different things, different things. Then um we at the same time leave the agency we're at to start on our our journey. And so talk a little bit about that and on purpose and how the positive psychology, because you mentioned earlier you're trying to refine, refine, refine to what we do, which I I believe gets back to that in some degree, right? With with organizations, etc. So maybe talk to us a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

Yeah, sure. Um, so when I decided to leave the agency, I made the big, massive, bold move of quitting and then going to work with someone because I was too afraid to do something on my own. Um, and but I was like, I'm telling myself, oh no, we're partnering in this. And then um, and it was like one of my first bosses ever, wonderful human being. And we worked together for a couple of years, but then I was just like, this is basically a smaller version of what I was just doing. I'm still someone's employee, someone else is deciding ultimately my financial future, who we work with, the what type of work we do, stuff like that. And I just was getting super itchy about it. I was really uncomfortable. Um, and then COVID hit, and uh my husband had been in the restaurant industry for most of his career on the corporate side, so franchise at restaurants, so operations, uh uh marketing, franchise sales, and um, then then marketing again at a different company. And he wanted to like a consult, like leave corporate life, go become a consultant and consult the restaurant industry. And uh I dug my heels in a little bit because I was like, I don't know if we should have two consultants in the house. Like it feels really comfortable. We've got like, you know, the benefits and the whatever. Um, and uh, but then mine's like, also, it's not my job to be the dream crusher. So we decided to go down that path. And his last day of a paycheck was February 28, 28th, 2020. 2020, yes, which is two weeks before the entire industry imploded and in Canada for a really long time, right?

Happiness Research And Owning Your Lens

SPEAKER_01 47:22

So, what was weird about that was all of a sudden, like even he had he had negotiated that he would be a consult, he would consult to the company he was working for. So he had like kind of pay coming in for a period of time. So that's good. Then that then that fell through. And so at a time when most people would have said, and I don't know where this came from for me, but a lot of people would have been like, well, thank God I have a paycheck, let's keep that going. But I decided, like, you know, there were a couple of months of like this doesn't feel right, whatever. But by the by by August 30th, 2020, I'd started on purpose. I was like, I was kind of like, fuck it, no one's gonna tell me what I make, who I work with, whatever. I am going to take charge of my future. If I'm gonna place a bet, I'm gonna place it on myself. And people were like, people were like, you're so brave. It didn't feel like bravery at all. It just felt like this was the thing. I have to do this. Time to go do the thing. And uh, if I hadn't had all of those challenges, it would have been too comfortable, and I don't think I would have done it. So I'm super grateful. And then things that I would have shied away from and let someone else do, like, can you call that person? I wouldn't call that person. Like, yeah, I just put my chin out there, like um, because there was no plan B. It was like, this has to work. This has to work, but I can tell you, like, this is the coolest part. And so, and thanks for asking me to talk about it, Tanya. Like, so coming growing up in communications, PR, integrated marketing, digital marketing, um, strategy was my job before I left the agencies. Um, and having this interest in positive psychology, understanding narrative psychology, which is like our entire experience is the story we tell ourselves. So these little islands of think of experiences and and I guess perspectives that I had come together into this company I started with. And I don't even realize like the insight of the name of it. It just came, I was like, I want to do this because I want people to be intentional and companies need to be intentional.

SPEAKER_00 49:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:22

But I I'm more I'm closer to it today than I was five years ago or six years ago. Um, and so the work that we do today is to really help businesses and the leaders inside those businesses uh connect and believe in what they do first, and then the you know, shape the story around that belief, what they tell themselves, what they tell their teams, what they tell their industry. So it's it's uh it is identity work, but it's deep identity work. It's truly from the inside out. So that, and I'll work with teams. Like I'm working with someone in uh Oregon who owns a bunch of adult care homes. And I worked with him a couple years ago on his story, which was just to understand like who are you and how are you as a leader to this business that you started 10 years ago that's now like, you know, I don't know, $12 million business. And um then he comes back to and he we were gonna work on the work with the team, and he was really frustrated, and he's like, not the right team. I don't want to invest in them. And then so the work stopped for a period of time. So we reconnect a few months ago, and he's like, We went through some really tough times. We went into the red, we're coming out of it now, but I need to fall in love with my business again. Yeah, and so we're doing these sessions that it's so and it's amazing for someone to first of all to understand that and connect with that they need that energy again. Yeah. Um, but one thing that was interesting is I work with people around their beliefs and and organizing what drives them. So he started this company in the health in the you know, human care space, but he's driven to be better every day. Like he's like, whatever I'm doing, it needs to like it, like where we are is never good enough. So he's driven by mastery, right?

SPEAKER_04 51:03

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 51:04

He's in an industry that people are caring for people. They're about contribution and belonging and who cares about the checklist. I don't care if we got a 99 out of 100 on whatever you know, audit assessment. I'm just taking care of people here. So he's driven by mastery, his industry is driven by contribution. No one's having the conversation. And if he really wants to get his company to the next level, he's got to think about how do I translate mastery to these people who are contribution-minded. Well, you have to help them appreciate that the best way to care for people is by being the best at what we do. And so that's why we're doing these things this way. So they can this so they can come together and believe the same thing so that they can achieve what they want to achieve. And so what's interesting, it's meaning and it's story together because stories make meaning shareable.

SPEAKER_03 51:56

Yes. So I know that's Mary. Like I could kiddy.

SPEAKER_01 52:03

I was just told.

SPEAKER_03 52:07

I don't understand what you're saying, and other 50 people are are like, give me another helping, give me another helping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Like I can nerd out on this. It's like what we're talking about is very, very like the whole conversation we've had is I I'm gonna I wish I had actual data, but I'm gonna guess 75% of people don't want to grow like that. They don't want it to change or evaluate whether they're very happy with what's in front of them, and they would also say, Well, I am grateful, and I am and I am noticing the air that I breathe, and this is great. 25% or maybe it's five percent, I don't know, actually want to also appreciate what's drive. And that's what's really fascinating. It's not and it's oh both sides are perfectly great. You can't both sides can't judge what the other ones are doing.

SPEAKER_01 53:08

No, no, I have one of my dearest friends, is um the complete opposite of me. She's an engineer, she would have been the person who started planning retirement when she was 12. Um, they have very like um her favorite thing to do is budget, like all of these things. I'm like, who are you? Um and she's looking very much looking forward to retirement. She's like, no, I will totally she's volunteers to take care of babies and like she does all kinds of things. So it's certainly not a um on screen.

SPEAKER_03 53:41

She's not just sitting, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:42

And she hasn't retirement, not at all, but um, she's very happy and content. She's like, I've never really loved my work. I'm good at it and I get I get fulfillment out of it, but I'm very very much looking forward to a the life of leisure and doing what I want to do. So, like, and that's just two different people driven by different things. Totally. Um, but I think what's important if before we sign off on all of this conversation, because people, human beings are wired for two things. They're wired to connect and they're wired to contribute. We don't survive without those two things. Like back in the days where they'd like to banish somebody into the woods to die, you know, because they did something wrong against the community, they would eventually die. Contribution is about survival. It's about we can't, we have to survive the conditions we're in. We have to um, you know, outsmart the lions and the tigers and the whatever. Um, so we are wired to want to do something that matters. And I I believe that in our you know current culture, we've kind of demonized work. We said work is a thing I do so that I can live. I work so that I can get paid time off. I, you know, what I work so that I might retire one day. But truly, people want to feel like that what they did matters at the end of the day. And it can be the smallest thing. Like there's this a book I've started reading, which I do that too. I'll read like the first three chapters and I'll be like, oh, I totally get the concept, and then I move to my next book. I don't know if you do that. Okay. Yeah, your DNF.

SPEAKER_02 55:06

I didn't know that's what you could do. Maybe I could read more of the book.

SPEAKER_03 55:10

I feel kind of like I have to in case someone has me a question. But I'll tell you some people cannot have an unfinished book, so they won't start it or they just can't finish it, not finishing, right? I cannot finish them, but again, so I cannot finish them.

SPEAKER_01 55:25

This book is called Path to Purpose. I can't remember the author, but his focus is, and I was super interested in it because it's about purpose in adolescence and getting you know teens to connect to purpose. And there's a story in it about a kid who's working at a burger joint and not you know, pretty disconnected from what he's doing until one day he realized that when he could make people smile at Felkid. So that's purpose. Like it, it's not like, oh, I need to like split the atom or cure cancer or yeah, you know, feed starving children, although that those are all good things to do. But you can find purpose, like just lifting up someone's day, believing in someone. Um, it's you know, and then and you start to think about the positive impact you can have, like even on, because I'm bad at this, even on the like you know, in traffic, letting someone go ahead of you, stuff like that. Like those little gestures do more for you as a human and to feel good than they do for the people that you do them for, oftentimes. So the um there is a way to feel like you're making a contribution without it needing to be the big, you know, striving for something as well.

SPEAKER_03 56:32

So, what is your thought, Mary? Because here's something I hear from a lot of my friends. This seems to be the conversation, and I do not have this figured out, but I've gotten some feedback lately that maybe someone, some people think I have this figured

Recovery Stories And Forced Awareness

SPEAKER_03 56:42

out and I don't know at all. But like I think it's the filling of the bucket. I'm not afraid to fill my bucket. Some people are worried to become overloaded or they need more time for whatever. Like, I'm not afraid. So I feel that there are a great number of friends in in my world who are feeling that they are not sure how to find that purpose in this age in their life. And I mean, just by using that example of when I made someone smile, that's the big question. How do people like they don't all want to be like I'm gonna go read a book or play book a body or go for a walk because those are the things I do because I find little moments and good things in doing those? But that's also the midlife recommendation go to yoga, go join the community of the yoga center, go go talk about like how does someone start to make that list of things that would make them happy slash purposeful? And I I mean that's a tough one. There's there's so many parents have put so much of their life connected to the purpose of those children, and those children are leaving and having their own life, which was the assignment. That's was that was the assignment.

SPEAKER_02 58:13

It is it is not always easy, like so. If I can just say something because I come from a a person that doesn't create like those lists necessarily, and my biggest challenge was like, I don't think I'm a very interesting person, like I don't really have anything, like I don't have hobbies, like I'm really like not to like I just like to be around people, like I don't really have a curated anything. And there was the coaching I did, which actually it's funny. I just realized Mary was the same. You put put me onto this coach. Um, but the way she helped me figure that out because I could not articulate what I could do for myself, I couldn't because I felt like she said you follow the energy. She goes, You still so she taught me to learn when you're sitting with someone, like if you're having a beautiful meal with someone, how do you feel? I was like, I feel great. Like the world goes away, I'm calm. And then if you, you know, do it like she gave a very tactical, like so. If you want to play a certain sport or whatever, when you do this, how do you feel? Like playing card games, I get anxious, right? So she's like, you follow your energy. So just do more of the things that make you feel like the best thing it is, and then when you start to feel, and not to say that you're not gonna do that, because like you can play card games, but it helps you narrow down what you need to do more to fill that bucket.

SPEAKER_01 59:35

I think it's super wise. Yeah, like feel it. Well, and then think about you know, back so connecting what um Anne-Marie said about the assignment for however many years was to launch these children into the world. And for many women, um, and it unfortunately it is a gender thing for many women, focusing externally to help others be in support of others is the reward. It's like, yes, um, so that's so then those people move on and have their own independent life. Good job. That's what they're meant to do. And then you're left with this massive void. I have like so many interests and I feel so excited about the future. And the day Simon left for university, I couldn't speak. Like I could, I could, I texted him. I was like, and this is our oldest. Um, I was like, okay, I'm really excited for you. I couldn't, I just, I just, I couldn't, and I was like, if if you if you perceive that I'm sad and I'm crying, I'm fine. It's all good. This is exactly how it's supposed to go, but I couldn't speak. The grief of it is is unlike anything, the lot like knowing that that pocket of time, that 18 years is over, you never get it back, even though you're like immensely proud of these people for moving out into the world, it's gut-wrenching. So a friend of mine who's a nurse in Seattle, she so she's working in a job that's very like, well, there's it's a union or that, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, she's uh a labor and delivery nurse. She says to me this one day that she is feeling like management is paying much more attention to the younger crop of nurses coming in, and she's starting to feel irrelevant. And um, I get that. Like there's that, and and then yeah, like there's this whole kind of mind fuck of being this age and um what what is your role now and things like that. But the thing that stood out for me is I'm like, Stacy, you have never had this much experience, this much wisdom, this much personal power than you have today. And so, like, that is something to get really excited about. You have the confidence, you've lived through all the previous versions of yourself. You have so you have more to contribute today than ever before. So this isn't a like, you know, go softly into the night. This is like a how do you channel that and give it to give it to people. Like, and it doesn't have to be in the job. It could be, you know, her kids are younger than our kids. So it could be in the softball team. It could be, but like, like, but don't let the incredibly strong current of the way people look at, you know, life and middle age and all those things, don't let that convince you you have less to give now. You have more to give than ever before. And now it's just the fun job, Tanya, like you said, of noticing what things make me feel good, what what things bring me joy. And and and invariably it's gonna be something that you do for somebody, some problem you solve, you know. Like Tandy, being around you is so fun. Like you make everybody feel so good. Like that is such a gift. Thank you. I appreciate that. I just get so fired up about that. We this is a whole other podcast, like this whole age of I know it's not over.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:45

It's about what that's saying, the left turn. It's not, it's what's left. And yeah, when we just when we first start to talk about living left, meaning what's left. Uh, and actually, interesting, we talked about it, was kind of workshopped it with our team who are a little younger, and they thought it sounded morbid. And we're like, it's not morbid, it's about what's left like like there is that excitement about exactly what's left, like okay, like everything you just said is why we're doing this. Yeah, I want to live a little differently, a little more for me. That doesn't mean you're not serving people. I think serving people is actually a huge part of life, and that everyone is a servant to others, like and and we actually all should be doing more of that, not less of that, but maybe less to the same, you know, core little group of our family. Well, exactly. That's why like it is broader, and I think we get even more um joy out of that, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:43

When you kind of see it, um, gosh, so we could we could just keep going, like we could, but we we can't.

Starting On Purpose During COVID

SPEAKER_03 1:03:52

Oh, we could, no one will listen to the end. And all day wow, all the nuggets are at the end.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:59

But I loved all of this, and I mean it's just nice to I've watched and I've been alongside you, maybe less so in these years, because we've been more separate than we were for a while, but um, but we do connect regularly and you know, watching everything you're doing, and I'm just glad we had an opportunity for you to share that. I think even for Anne Marie, because I tried to describe what it's like to be around you, but like now I think I know, but I don't know. But you haven't had an out like an hour to really dig in in this way, maybe? No, have you?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:29

Yes, no, well, in little other ways, but I also feel like I'm gonna probably text you after and be like, Mary, why don't we see you more often? Because we have way as many interconnections.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:38

I know because I was thinking I just say hey, hey and Marie, you want to be friends?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:43

Yes, and I have a thousand things to do with you. I know that would be good. Like, you want to play Madron? Yes, I know.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:51

You can join our Major group.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:52

11,000.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:53

That's right, because you yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:54

There's a whole friend, there's a lot of overlap. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:00

Well, thank you so much. Um just one quote that's not mine. Dan Sullivan says it, and he's 80 years old. He runs this company called Strategic Coach, and he is still kicking, like still very invested, engaged in all of it, and kicking is not the right word. Um, but he says you're only old if your future is smaller than your past. Oh, what?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:21

And when you think about say it again, say it again for everyone when your future is smaller than your past.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:28

Right. And so when you think about the horizon, you guys talking about what's left, that there's just so much richness left. And so, like you look at this horizon of what's possible in your life, and yeah, maybe you don't have another 50 years left, maybe, but maybe you do, you know. If we look at it like I'm gonna die when I'm 80, so I better start winding it down when I'm 70, so then I better stop what like what it's like pretend you're gonna live to 124, and then all of a sudden that arc changes.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:57

Yes, oh and the arc changes if you think of it as your scalable legacy, like it's not about how many years you're breathing, yeah, it's about the legacy of what you have left behind and why and what. I love that. And yeah, like I have had a few little moments in the last weekend when we were pulling out old pictures and we were looking at things, and my son, who everyone calls Bert because you know, our last name, and and my great my great grandfather's name was Bert, actually Bert E B. Anyway, so we're holding up these pictures, and Andrew's holding them and laughing, and he's like. He was born in the 18 1889, and we were chatting about what we were talking about. Yeah, and like that chair over there was his, and just elements of his life. Like you would you were not even an idea, like your legacy goes for a long time. It does the impact perfect world, the impact of your ideas and your intention, what you wanted to do. So what's left is like if you haven't figured out what that is or curated that legacy, start to think about it. Yeah. And it doesn't have to be perfect. Well, it's in the moments. It's in the moments. No, and you know, it's ongoing. It's so much more. It's just so much more than the next 30 years of life we're calling life. Like it's yeah, it's so much more.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:19

And think of this too. This podcast is never gonna end. No, no, no. It just made it made me think about. I wrote this weekly thing about my son one day about anyway, that part's not, but it was about him growing up and the impact it could have on him. But if you've ever had somebody in your life that said something to you that just sort of stopped you in your tracks and you've thought about it forever, this guy named Gavin Parr in a grade 11, I flunked chemistry. I flunked three classes that semester because I didn't go to class. I was a complete whatever. And he's like, Mary, what are you doing? You are way smarter than this. I have never forgotten that Gavin Parr said that to me. I haven't spoken to him say, like, we're not friends or anything like that. But that like hits me right like right in the chest, right? So think about, and then other people that believed in you before you believed in yourself, or someone who gave you like encouragement and they have no idea that that lifted you up so much. So like we all have the potential to have that impact on people in every interaction action. It could be to your neighbor, and you will never know how that affected other people long term. But it's so true, Emory.

Purpose At Work And Scalable Legacy

SPEAKER_01 1:08:27

I love that idea, like the scaling of your legacy, like leave the world better than you got when you got here. Yeah, like well, that's this list.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:34

That was this part of the list was like, what am I doing to anyway? Let's another podcast, but it's I love that list.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:43

I like to be on that one too. Danny's like, we can be on that list.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:47

That's the stuff I sit on the map on when I am covered up in sunscreen, even though I look like I have the Sun 10. I am thinking and watching, and I'm sitting on the beach, and I'm watching all those little kids where I spent the same 20 years chasing all those little people, and I'm watching all of them, and I'm watching how the grandparents interact, and I'm actually thinking, well, what kind of grandparent am I gonna be on this beach? And I'm thinking, well, what do I want to do? Yeah, and what am I gonna do between a legacy leaving a legacy before I am a grandparent? Like I'm thinking about all those. Yeah, I'm observing all the people thinking, shit, she can get on that paddleboard really easily. I can't, like, why not? You know, or whatever. I think so much life left, so much life left.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:33

So okay, we gotta go.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:35

This was amazing. Okay, so I'm gonna sign off meeting up in five minutes for a drink and just talking about it.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:41

Yes, I know. So I'm gonna sign up on this podcast, Mary.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:45

Thank you for being thank you so much. This was energizing in an incredible way.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:49

So good, feels so good.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:51

Even on day 23. Best meeting of the week. Best meeting of the week.