What does a relaxed life actually look and feel like?

What does a relaxed life actually look and feel like? On this episode, I talk about the pillars of living a relaxed life including: 

•  How your nervous system & subconscious dictate your life 
• Living in alignment with my values 
• Creating a container for flow with discipline 
• Feeling more relaxed by not procrastinating and just doing the thing 
• Knowing what stressors will come up & managing them well 
• Gratitude for where I’m at right now rather than focusing on lack
• Leaning into what comes naturally to me 
• Self-responsibility & self-trust built over time through taking action & reflection
• Trusting in a greater intelligence
•  Experimenting with life in a relaxed way 
   & more! 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello and welcome to Life Forces Podcast, a space for deep self-discovery, cultivating self-responsibility, and creating a life you love with the magic of your energetic blueprint. If you're here, you're probably a spiritual-ish woman or person who has experienced some sort of burnout before, maybe even kind of now, and looking for another way to move through life that feels a whole lot better. If that's you, you're in the right place. If that's not quite you, you're probably still in the right place. Okay, just stay with me if you're new here. I'm your host, Bianca, and I thank you for being here with me. Right now, I'm recording in a bedroom at my in-laws while my daughter sleeps in the other room. There's construction going on, so I might have to pause and restart intermittently. And I'm recording in a part of my cycle that I don't normally, so that's fun, but I am making the experience extra cozy. Uh, so rather than like sitting at a table or something, I'm in bed in my sweats, in my nice big hoodie, yeah, reclining. So that's helping a lot. That's one thing I love to do and has supported me so much is just doing different things at different parts of my cycle and not expecting that I am going to show up the same way each week because if you have a menstrual cycle, you know, your hormones are different at different weeks, there's different things going on. Your body and your spirit need different things. So it's important to honor that. You know, we're not like men that have more consistent hormones that are more like circadian kind of people. Um, it's okay that we have different energy and different kinds of flows based on different times of the month. So just reminding you of that. And yeah, wasn't my intention to record at this time, but life happened. We had Easter and stuff, and yeah, other things came up, but that's fine. I'm here. And yeah, before we get into this episode, which is going to be about what a relaxed life actually looks and feels like, I want to draw your attention to the energy audit guided audio that dropped last week. I'm so excited about it. And some of you have already checked it out, which is amazing, and I am sure it has served you. But essentially, it's just 13 minutes of audio. You can do it on a walk, you can do it cozy at home, you can journal on it, and it's just a nice way to take some time for yourself and to check in with yourself in terms of where you are at energetically and where your energy is actually going and where you might like to put it instead, let's say. So the link for that is in the description of this episode. You'll find it there. And yeah, I'm sure you will live it. Let's just dive in to this week's episode, which is brought to you by Relaxed Life Creator, which is a new six-week group program of mine starting May 14th, which I've talked a little bit about in these last weeks, and I'm slowly teasing it. Today we're going to talk about what a relaxed life actually looks like because that is sort of the crux of the program, right? It's about creating your own relaxed life and also being a life creator, you know, someone who's empowered to create their own life, who is relaxed in the process, right? We're not stressing, we're not hustling, we're not going through another burnout again, we're not getting trapped in that cycle. That's that, right? So, what does a relaxed life actually look and feel like? So I was thinking about this, and of course, it's unique to everyone, because my version of a relaxed life won't be exactly the same as yours, even though I'm sure there's a little bit of overlap. So I'm gonna talk about what it looks like for me and what it feels like for me. And you know, if you're inspired by this episode, if you have different ideas, if you have similar ideas about what a relaxed life is, feel free to DM me at Life Forces Inc. on Instagram, or you can always email me Bianca at lifeforcesinc.com. Just as a little disclaimer, I always love to hear from you. So for me, what I want to begin with is a relaxed life to me involves feeling safe in your body and in your life, no matter what is going on externally. Because I don't know about you, but I've had times in my life where I haven't felt so safe. And this doesn't always happen because we're experiencing very clear instability. Of course, that would make sense, but sometimes it's just like we're just feeling unsafe for whatever reason. Maybe because change is happening, even if the change is positive, maybe we feel unsafe because nothing's happening, right? It's just so, so subjective. But for me, a baseline of a relaxed life is feeling safety in my body, in my spirit, with my soul, whatever it is, no matter what is going on. And I think there's so many different ways one can achieve this or experience this consistently. For me, it's so much about uh regulating uh myself, whether that's regulating my emotions, so that involves actually feeling them instead of suppressing them. Meditation and other practices like that have helped me immensely moving my body, fueling my body with nice healthy food, uh, but just also working a lot on my nervous system and uh subconscious, right? Because uh your nervous system and your subconscious dictates so much, basically dictates your entire life. And if you're not feeling safe and regulated in your nervous system, notice I don't say calm because it's impossible to be calm all the time, but just for us to always get back to a place of balance and homeostasis, things aren't gonna feel so good. And then also your subconscious is dictating a lot because consciously we can say, This is what I want, this is what I don't want, but your subconscious is pretty much running the show, right? And it's based on, you know, things we've experienced, especially in early childhood. It's patterns that we keep repeating. So ideally, we're finding ways to like disrupt our subconscious positively so that we can create what we want. There's different ways of doing that. I've used like self-hypnosis kind of stuff, which basically it's just kind of like a deep guided meditation, for example. That's one of the main ways. It's like deep meditation that's guided, that's often getting you to kind of like re-experience situations you experienced in your childhood or more recently. Anyway, that's a whole other path. Um, but I think it's worth mentioning because we can consciously say that we want to do something, say that we want to be on a certain path. But if our body and if our subconscious are not on board, then it might take a little longer. So another thing that I think is essential for me in terms of a relaxed life is living in alignment with my values. It just makes everything simpler, right? And so, what are the some of the things I value? I value free time, I value flexibility, I value my family, I value having social time, I value having alone time, I value expressing myself creatively, I value work where I feel like I'm being treated fairly and making an impact and being compensated well. And so because, for example, what I do for work is in alignment with my values, then I don't feel this weird cognitive dissonance that I'm not like practicing what I preach. And I totally understand that not everyone has this possibility right now in their life. Maybe you're working a job that you really don't like, that doesn't align with who you are right now, and that's okay. It doesn't mean, you know, everything's terrible or whatever, you know, nothing, nothing is perfect, and we have to kind of roll with the punches, but it gives us a good opportunity to think about what is in alignment with our values. What do I, what do I need, what's important to me, right? And I feel good about the fact that a good 90% of my life is in alignment with my values. Oh, I also value nature and peace. And I think where I live really supports me in experiencing those things. Uh, because I lived in big cities for a lot of my life and pretty much all of my 20s, which was a lot of fun, but isn't necessarily my vibe anymore. It's more that I love to visit cities when I can. In terms of those values, right? Peace, flexibility, all of that definitely goes with this part of a relaxed life for me that I feel has to do with, you know, we're not hustling, we're not pushing past our limits, we're not getting up for the 5 a.m. club unless we feel like doing that. I mean, sometimes I get up at five because that's when my daughter wants to eat or whatever, but you know, we're just we're not doing the bro we, you know, just pushing, pushing, forcing, forcing. No, thank you. And so how does that show up in my relaxed life? That shows up in the fact that I have flexible work. I have my work for my for myself, you know, Life Forces Inc., where I choose when I see clients, uh, I have specific times that I'll see clients, I make it work with my husband's work schedule and, you know, with how my daughter usually is. And then for my part-time job, I'm very fortunate that my boss is great and flexible and understanding, and also like it's rare that something is ever like super urgent with that work. So it's like, if there's a day where I'm like sick or I really, really, really like don't feel like it, or just need some space or need to like focus on family stuff that day, then I don't need to work. It's very, very simple, right? I don't have to answer to this, to like a corporate structure that is often like kind of inhumane. You know what I mean? I think it depends, like, of course, what company you work for, the quote unquote culture, or even like the laws of the country where you live, whatever. But for me, like freelancing or having my own business or whatever has been really good. Obviously, in some ways, there's kind of more pressure because it's like, okay, well, if I don't show up for X amount of time, then I probably won't make money because I haven't yet set up my business for more like passive income, like recording recurring payments and stuff like that, which is fine. That's like one of my goals. But yeah, there's there's, you know, pros and cons for everything. And yeah, not everyone has to be an entrepreneur, and that is totally okay. Whatever feels more relaxed and supportive to you. And another part of my relaxed life is not forcing things and trying to flow with the current of things as much as possible. And disclaimer here, because it's really easy to hear what I just said, and it kind of sounds like, oh, just go with the flow. And sometimes that sounds a little bit too like numinous and a little too vague, but you know, this still requires discipline because it's really easy, especially if you're like fresh out of a burnout, to like honestly avoid wanting to put in effort to things. Like this was me for a while. Like, I was afraid of putting in a lot of effort because I was afraid of getting to that point where I would be like totally depleted. So we don't want to get in the space where like we're going with the flow so much that we're only doing things when we quote unquote feel like it. Because I mean, do you always feel like work? Not really, you know what I mean? Um, I don't know about you, but I like to chill, right? So it's just there's there's still discipline required here because it's like if I want to relax life, of course, like I still have to work, I still have to be of service, right? I know that, and I love that. So it's like, especially with my more limited time as a mother, it's like, okay, my daughter's sleeping or someone else is taking care of her. Now is the time for my work. I have this little container and we're flowing into the container, right? Like, I feel like for flow to be most effective, it will have some kind of container, whether that's like time or space or whatever it is. And yeah, with that, I want to talk about this other kind of related topic, which is feeling like things have to be perfectly aligned in order to take action. And I really used to falsely believe this, and it cost me like so, so much time. Probably the conditions for whatever you want to do are never going to be perfect. Like right now, there's construction happening, like there could be like a huge like starting again at any moment. My daughter could wake up, God knows what could happen. But still, I'm determined to record this right now. So, as I was saying earlier on the episode, I'm making it as easy for myself as I can. I think that's also like part of the flow. It's like if you're at home and you don't want to work at a desk, then don't work at your desk. Like, work, work on your couch or your kitchen table or the floor. Like it doesn't matter. Like, whatever makes you feel good and whatever will get you into that flow state, whatever will get you feeling like productive in a nice way, right? But let's not confuse alignment with procrastination because there's always ways we can make something work in a given moment. And something that makes me feel more relaxed in the end is doing the thing so I can actually relax after instead of kicking the can down the road, procrastinating again, procrastinating again, and just having that anxiety mount within me. It's just so much easier if you get the thing done before, you know, if you if you get the thing done as soon as you can. So, with this like flowing with the current, I'm also really big on living cyclically, as I've mentioned a lot in the past like month or so, getting a lot better at timing things with my cycle. And that's something we're definitely gonna talk about in Relax Life Creator because it has just been such a game changer for me. Like, we can't pretend that when we're bleeding, we have the same kind of energy as when we're ovulating. It's just, it's just different, okay? Like, and if it's the same for you, cool. You must be a robot or something. And not only that, it's also like living cyclically in terms of like the seasons, in terms of where we're at in the lunar cycle, you know, because women are, I find women to be more like lunar beings in general, right? Like the cycle, our menstrual cycle kind of um echoes that of the lunar cycle. You know, it's generally the same amount of days and same amount of like different like set points in the month kind of thing, right? With the new moon and full moon, for example. Keeping all that in mind, keeping what's happening astrologically in mind, like what astrological season we're in, we're gonna be in Taurus season by the time this airs, right? That's very different from Aries season. Aerie season is, you know, so much about like starting things, fresh starts, doing things, being a pioneer, trailblazing energy, taking action. Whereas Taurus is more about like grounding in the material world, experiencing things through our senses and working on things more methodically, right? It's different energy. It's earth energy versus fire energy. And then also, like once you get to know your chart better, you can see like how exactly you're experiencing an astrological season because it's going to light up different parts of your chart, aka different areas of your life based on what astrological season you're in. Again, that's something we're gonna learn in Relaxed Life Creator. Another thing that supports me in having a relaxed life is keeping stress as low as possible and managing it well when it comes up. There are so many different stressors in the modern age, and I don't necessarily think stress is always bad. It's just about how we manage it. And stresses even have to be something that like causes causes us anxiety. I'm thinking about, for example, like, you know, I refuel a lot from being alone, and I find that like often when I'm in social situations, like I enjoy it, especially if it's with people I really love and enjoy. But I often need like a decent amount of downtime after. So for me, it's like not overscheduling myself in general, but like even when it comes to social things. If I know I'm gonna have one day where I'm gonna see a lot of people, maybe the next day I take it easy and kind of do my own thing. Right. Or like if I've had a really long day, instead of stimulating myself with more stuff like a TV show or something, maybe then I'll read a book instead and just like have less inputs because I had a lot of input and was doing a lot during the day. And yeah, things like meditation, or I also really like the app called Activations, which is like kind of like meditation, but you can listen to them in different scenarios. It's a really nice app. Those are good, those can help with stress. Taking a few deep breaths, like it's really basic, but it really works. And yeah, also like making sure I'm eating well, making sure I'm drinking water. I think I'm gonna take a sip of water now. And yeah, just managing the stress as it comes up, right? It's impossible to live a stress-free life, and that's okay. I think that would also like be boring anyway. It's just about getting back into balance. So a lot of that is just like creating extra space, right? If you're having a super busy day, instead of like listening to a podcast in your five-minute break, maybe just like sit and do nothing for five minutes or you know, grab a tea or something. I also want to talk about gratitude. And that gets thrown around a lot. But I think what's really important and what makes me feel more relaxed in my life is feeling genuine gratitude for where I'm at right now and what's already present for me rather than focusing on what I want and in a way that feels like lack, right? So when I think about like all the things I have now, it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel relaxed rather than saying, oh, but I don't have this, but what about this? This is missing from my life, etc. Right. I think that is super important. And yeah, I want to talk about like stages I've been through in terms of like integrating gratitude and genuinely loving my life where I was at, but then also desiring more and then coming to a place of like making change where it where what I desired came to fruition. So, for example, when I was still living in Berlin in 2020 and even in 2019, I was really craving more time in nature and also warmer weather. And so at the time I was like, oh, maybe I'll like live in Los Angeles or something half year. But I don't know, that just didn't feel right. But what I did do is I was like, hey, I have this amazing park next to my house. So I started spending more time there. I just like go there with a book, my journal, whatever, maybe some snacks, and just like take a blanket, like lie in the grass, like have a splendid time. I did that a lot, especially during COVID. It was such a godsend. I also went to the lakes that are in and around Berlin a lot more. Yeah, just to experience that nature. And yeah, I didn't really know when I started doing that that my environment and human design is shores. So I love being by the shore, whether that's like I mean, mostly like a real shore, you know, the seashore or the lake or whatever. But it can also be like being on the precipice of like two different environments that's also very shores-like. And I just feel always really good and that I can get into alignment more easily when I'm in a shores environment. Because I was already integrating that into my life, I was already like feeling the feelings of like, wow, like being by the water, being in nature more. Then it like didn't feel like such a stretch when I was then visiting Greece to be like, oh, I could maybe live here. And that's what I ended up doing. And then I lived on one island and now we're on another island. And currently, you know, where we live is very central. We're kind of in like the downtown of the island, which is super convenient in terms of like everything's there. There's like cafes, there's grocery stores, whatever. But, you know, in the future, I would love to be able to see the sea from our house, maybe be a little more remote and less central, like have some land where I can like grow things. Like that's kind of the goal. But I'm not like then lamenting what we have now because I'm very happy with what we have now. But I'm just like, hmm, I would love to have a sea view and to be able to grow some things, right? So I have to, you know, enjoy my sea views when I can. I have friends that grow things, so I need to like spend more time with them, learn more about plants, like things like that, right? That would be a way to like help bridge myself to the next level of what I want my life to be. But I remain relaxed about it because I'm grateful for where I'm at. I'm not like oh my god, everything sucks. If only I had XYZ, because that is honestly no way to live. Yes. And then another thing for me in terms of what a relaxed life looks like, is leaning into what comes naturally for me rather than trying to force myself to like do things a certain way or be a certain way. In human design, there's 64 gates, which are different like traits or gifts. So, you know, we all have like probably at least a dozen in our chart. And this is just one way we can see like what comes naturally for us. And one thing I think I even talked about it on the last episode is like I am really just naturally obsessed with the details of things. So instead of thinking that like I should avoid details or they're not important, I just like let myself be really into the details, like knowing random ass facts about random ass things. Um I just really like, or being able to go really, really, really, really in depth on someone's chart. Like that feels really good to me. And also, for example, I have gate, I think it's gate 64. Is it gate 64? Or no, I think it's gate 61, which is this gate that's like about getting kind of downloads and knowing things, but not necessarily understanding why you know them. And oftentimes, like this has come up so many times in readings, especially when I was doing when I did more like tarot stuff, but even in just like whatever kind of session with a client, like sometimes I'll just like get an intuitive hit about something and share it with them, and they'll be like, Yeah, that's true. And it's like they didn't tell me anything, so yeah, it's also just like trusting that part of myself. What else comes naturally for me? I would say, like, so there's the profile in human design, which is like the two numbers that we have, uh, the two main numbers we have on our chart. It's like mine is two slash four. There's like different combinations. And so something that comes naturally for me is really cultivating myself in like alone time, right? That's like the two, that's the hermit energy, and also like two lines in general can pick things up more easily, maybe than other people, or like they don't necessarily have to study everything like super in depth. Like maybe a one line would have to. So I also just like trust that if I'm interested in something, of course I'm gonna study it. But I can I can pick it up and start using it sometimes more quickly than I expect I would maybe, and I just trust that. And yeah, trying to think what else. I guess for me, it's just it's also like taking self-responsibility is such a big thing, like knowing that I have my own back no matter what, trusting that I'm gonna make the right decisions about things. And this has been gradual. I think you build this like self-trust by taking action rather than just like overthinking things constantly. You just you just take action, you see what works and you and what doesn't, you figure out how to adjust things and you just continue to build that self-trust. That's super important because ultimately, like, in my opinion, you're never gonna be able to rely on other people the way you can truly rely on yourself. I guess also, like, part of a relaxed life is being able to trust the bigger picture of things and have faith in the bigger picture. And for me, that does have to do with a belief in God, which is always like still evolving for me, but I'm not telling you I have to believe in God to have a relaxed life, but that's how it works for me, kind of, because I'm just like, okay, there's something bigger than me that's like holding me and supporting me, even if things feel weird, let's say, and I'm trusting an intelligence and a plan for me that's bigger than what I can conceive for myself, let's say. So that's another thing that helps me feel more relaxed day-to-day. And I think also just, yeah, because I try to have that bigger picture perspective and I try to zoom out, you know, it makes the smaller, like random shit just not as important, like, oh, I ordered a matcha and it tasted bad, like whatever, whatever it is, you know, it's like it's maybe not that important in the grand scheme of things. Also, I trust myself to make a good matcha myself, so I just stick to that for the most part. But yeah, you know, again, your relaxed life is gonna look and feel probably very different from mine, but I was just you know, sharing how I experience mine and how I conceive of what a relaxed life is. I think it's also taking a relaxed approach to personal growth and to just growth in life in general. Nothing should be all or nothing, nothing should be black or white, nothing should be a zero-sum game, nothing is really like win-lose, you know. No matter what happens, I'm learning from these experiences and I'm integrating the lesson, I'm gonna keep going. And I'm also experimenting with life in a relaxed way, you know. Most of the time, decisions aren't really life or death. You know, we have to take certain things into account, of course, but like they're rarely ever that serious at the end of the day. Um, so yeah, just playing with that a little too. Yeah, I guess for me, a lot of it has to do with flexibility and freedom and having the space to creatively express myself and connecting with nature and spending time on things that I enjoy and with people that I love and vibe with. That doesn't always mean like we agree on everything, but it means that I don't hang out with people that make me feel weird or I feel drained after hanging out with them. Like I don't force myself to hang out with anyone. Yeah, that's the vibe of the relaxed life. And as I mentioned earlier, the relaxed life creator is going to start May 14th, and I'm so excited. Six weeks with me. Learning about our energetic blueprints, experimenting with them, and enrollment for that will open very, very soon. Join the wait list via the link in the description so you'll get access to early bird pricing. You'll hear about all the details first. You're gonna wanna do that. And I can't wait to tell you more about it next week on the podcast. So stay tuned for that. In the meantime, I love you. Happy tourist season, and we will talk very soon. Bye.