Staying In Love

Join Joe and Kelly as they talk about staying in love.  

Transcript

Episode 9 Staying in Love 

Kelly: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Blessings on Hope Road podcast, where we talk about life, family, and what it all looks like through the lens of our walk with God as we step into our calling as his children.

Well, welcome to episode nine. Mm-hmm. Of Blessings on Hope Road. Um, we're gonna be talking about 

Joe: staying in love. Welcome back everybody. Yeah, staying in love. Staying in love. Um, I'm gonna let you kick this one off 'cause I talked a lot on the last one, so Please. Well, I know, but, um, by all means, because you were, as we were discussing before we hit the record button, you were, you were hammering away on some pretty good things, so, well, yeah, 

Kelly: so honestly, I think, you know, a lot of people these days, I.

Uh, they're like, well, I don't wanna be with this person anymore 'cause I'm no longer in love with this person. Well, what does it [00:01:00] really mean to no longer be in love with somebody? Because I know with us, we went through some difficult times. Mm-hmm. And everybody, not everybody, there were a lot of people that asked me why I was still with you through these difficult times, and it's because I still loved you and I told you this.

Mm-hmm. You know, you did. I still loved you, but. Every day I had to decide whether or not I was gonna like you. Mm-hmm. As a person, there's a difference. There's a difference between loving and liking somebody a difference, and that I think a lot of people get confused. Um, the difference between liking somebody and truly loving somebody.

Mm-hmm. Because when you truly love somebody, you'll do anything for them and. Yes, we had some bad times. Yes, and there were days I did not like you. You were the last person I wanted to be in a room with. [00:02:00] Sorry. 

Joe: Welcome to episode nine, staying In Love. But 

Kelly: I still loved you and that didn't change, and that's why it was so important when God told me.

Not yet. Mm-hmm. Because I knew, I knew when I, the day I took, the day we got married and the day I took those vows, I took those vows seriously. For better or worse. Yeah. Some of the days were worse. There wasn't a lot better some years, but for better or worse, in sickness and in health, no matter what was going on, I knew I loved you and I knew the promises that God had made.

Yeah. And yes, at the time that we got married, you did not believe in God. But I did. I invited God to our wedding. You did. [00:03:00] Which you didn't find out till years later. True. Um, but I knew he was there and I knew he had blessed our marriage because the whole way that we got together anyway was. Was from God.

So, but staying in love, like taking, because we've been together 25 years. Mm-hmm. Yes, we have. And 25 years is a long time in today's society. 

Joe: Yeah. No, I'm, I wasn't, I was taking a deep breath because it was just like, whoa. 

Kelly: Yeah. 25 years is a long time. Yeah. So, Um, a lot can happen in 25 years and people, I think, take first off, I don't think people understand the meaning of love.

Joe: Okay. Well, why don't you help? [00:04:00] 

Kelly: So love is unconditional. Mm-hmm. And we talked about this in the last one where we replaced love, love with God. Yep. In First Corinthians. Yep. 

Joe: 13 verse four through seven. 

Kelly: Yep. But love is unconditional. Mm-hmm. And people don't understand that. I think in today's society they throw the word love around so much.

Correct. And they use it way too soon with somebody that they're dating or that they're interested in. Yeah, I 

Joe: agree. I agree with that a hundred percent. 

Kelly: And. The, it's just kind of thrown like, oh, I love this, and I love that. You don't really, I love my phone. No, you don't. You like your phone. You really like your phone.

You don't love your 

Joe: phone. Yeah, and I, I just, so everybody who's listening right now, just so you know, the reason I am agreeing so hard with her is because [00:05:00] I am guilty of that. I am quick to throw the L word out. Uh, you know, I love, well, I don't know that I was quick to throw it out with you, so to speak, but no.

Man, I, I'm talking about like right here, right now. Yeah. Like, I'm quick to be like, man, I love a good cheeseburger. I love cookies, but I, no, no, I, I don't love cookies. I enjoy eating cookies. Yes, as is evident by my waist size. Um, and I enjoy cheeseburgers also, vided. In the same place. Um, but I don't, no, I don't love them.

No. When it all goes down, it's not like the first thing on my mind's gonna be is I wish I had a cheeseburger right now. No, I wish I had a cheeseburger. It's not gonna be that. Um, gosh, that sounds ridiculous. But it's the truth. It is. It's the absolute truth because that's what 

Kelly: we do. That's, [00:06:00] that's what.

Society does these day, these days, they throw the word around for everything and it's not an accurate representation of what love really is. 

Joe: Correct. 

Kelly: So once you get the true representation of what love really is, how do you stay in love? And I think 

Joe: it takes work. Anybody look, anybody who. And goes into marriage, which is pretty much all of us to a degree.

I think, um, I think everybody at one point or another has said, well, you don't understand. My relationship with this person is different. Like, I get what you're saying, but you don't understand, you don't understand the love that we share. Like this is different, right? Yeah. Okay, Casanova, just so you know, when the sparkle wears [00:07:00] off, 

Kelly: things are not so shiny anymore.

Uh, 

Joe: yeah. When things aren't shiny anymore and you're in the everyday in and out, having to get things done, done. Mm-hmm. Um, it's not easy. No. There are days still, and I know there are days still. God is the absolute center of our marriage. He's the center of my life. He's the center of your life. There are still days where I know that I pluck your nurse.

I wish we need to get, uh, I'm telling you, just stay tuned guys. We are going to get a webcam. Because if you could see the look on my wife's face right now when I said that if, and she could've jumped out of her chair. She was so excited to, I think, hear me say that, um, he plucks my nerves. But I know that there are days and I look, I am somebody that likes to try and pluck [00:08:00] nerves on purpose, but there are sometimes I get so good at it that I do it even when I'm not trying to do it.

Yes. Um, which is frustrating. 

Kelly: And ladies, you know, when you're just having that bad day. They just need to stop. 

Joe: Yeah. But yeah, 

Kelly: they 

Joe: really just need to stop. Yeah. I, but, and we're try 

Kelly: whatever dude. I know. 

Joe: But on the flip side of that very same coin, there are days you don't, I, and I can say this with a hundred percent confidence.

I don't, I cannot remember the last time that you like got on my nerves. I don't try to,

but there are days I get frustrated. Sure. But it's, it's not because of the, you hear people say this like, I can't stand the way they chew. It's nothing. It's not like that. Like there's, oh good. There's [00:09:00] no, I'm not allowed. Sure. No, there's no pet peeves. There's no things that you do that are like, oh my gosh, would you stop?

It's not like that. Okay. But the frustration comes in with the, um, uh, man, how can I phrase this? The frustration comes in like if there is something that I'm seeing in a different perspective, in a different light, right. And you don't see it in that light. It's not because I think I'm right and you're wrong.

It's because I understand that there is a perspective that I have in it that is shedding light on something, but you're not seeing it right, and because you're not seeing it. You are frustrated or you are upset, or you, uh, our printer just beeped at us. It's turning off. I didn't even know it was on. Um, but it it's holding you back.

It's keeping you [00:10:00] from something and that usually happens when God has something for you. I mean, and seriously, if, if we're going to do this and we're gonna have a real podcast, we're working through things right now. Yeah. Where I see something, I, I've got it in my spirit. I know it's right there and it's just being patient and just walking and I'm not, it, it's not frustration and, and anger are not the same thing.

I am not angry. I'm not even a little bit angry. I am not frustrated in you per 

Kelly: se. See, now he's waiting on me. We talked about waiting in like episode two. Yeah. I am 

Joe: frustrated.

I get frustrated that lies are louder than everything else. Yeah. That makes me mad. Yeah. That makes 

Kelly: me angry. Well, it makes you angry 'cause you know the enemy's at work and there are are times where I'm allowing 

Joe: to just be there. What? I am [00:11:00] so glad that you said that because it's not, I'm not angry at you.

No. You're angry at, I'm not angry at what you're doing. I'm angry at what? Behind the spiritual warfare that's going on behind. Yeah. I'm angry at what's behind. Yeah. The thing that's holding you up. That's what I get mad at. Um, but with that, you have to, there's a, there's a learning how to fight. Yeah. And it's not fighting.

It's, it's understanding. We don't wrestle against flesh and blood, but powers and principalities. Right. So I know that what is at work right now that's holding you back isn't it, is not you, you're not, you don't wake up in the morning and think to yourself, well, you know, I think today would be a good day to be stuck.

Kelly: Yeah. No, and nobody does that. And I, I'm fighting. And having to be strong and put on my armor every morning to fight against those things. And it's not always easy. No. But when you love somebody and you truly love somebody, you're willing to stand by them and walk 

Joe: beside them through it. Yeah. [00:12:00] So there you go.

If you want, know one of the biggest ways to stay in love, fight for your spouse. Yes. Don't fight. Don't fight with. Your spouse 

Kelly: is fighting with him. Fight with them against the enemy. But don't fight against. Yeah, don't fight 

Joe: against them. Don't fight them that, that's what I meant. Don't fight them. Yeah, don't fight with them.

Don't pick an argument. Why aren't you getting this right? Why are you like, why can't you just, no, not that. No, 

Kelly: not that. 

Joe: But it help them. How are you feeling? Like, what's going on? Talk to me. What's, what's happening? What can I pray for you? Yeah. And then let's pray. Let's pray. Let's pray together. Let's get after this thing.

'cause I'm not going to, and that's. Gentlemen, we talked about it last episode. That's what we're called to, right? That's our job. So good, better, indifferent. Uh, it, it's our responsibility and we have to be able to look in the mirror and say, okay, if my wife is struggling in a place right now, where have I fallen short as a husband?[00:13:00] 

Right. Eve was tempted by the serpent in the garden. Where was Adam? Yeah.

Kelly: I mean, we talked about that previously too. Mm-hmm. You know, Adam was given So where 

Joe: in mind, not that it was, it wasn't Adam's fault that the serpent came to Eve. No. What happened is Adam wasn't there to protect her. Right. Adam wasn't there to set things right. Yeah. To have dominion over. He was not his wife over what was happening to his wife.

Yes, yes. So I have. Dominion and authority over that. So while you're struggling, while these things are happening, what am I doing to help it? Right. Am I just being frustrated? Well, I'm gonna stay at work a couple extra hours or I'm gonna, no, it's not that at all. Yeah. If anything, it's, I'm piling on in the other direction.

Yeah. It's what can I do to help her around the house? What can I do? Which I like working anyway, and it [00:14:00] seems like my, yeah, I'm always doing something, but. You know, like, come home tonight. Let's cut up the pork loin. Let's make pork chops. Let's throw 'em on the Blackstone and get 'em grilled and let's just go sit and talk.

Yeah. About really nothing. Nothing that was in particular, right. Just spending. Just spending time. Time. Mm-hmm. Creating a place where if there is something you need to get off your chest. Now's the time. Here we are. Yeah. We're not, not like right now. Unless you want to, but outside. Yeah. You know, when we were doing that, Just, 

Kelly: and that, that's the important part, I think for people to stay in love.

They have to realize that after the sparkle wears off, after you're in that mundane day in, day out, daily tasks, because people get caught up in the tasks. Mm-hmm. You have to stop. You have to take a break, and you have to spend that one-on-one time. Talking to your spouse or [00:15:00] significant other. Mm-hmm. You know, it's really important because if you don't have that communication, again, we talked about that previously too.

Mm-hmm. If you don't have that communication, things will fall apart. Absolutely. And

if you truly love that person, then you're willing to put the pieces back together. Hmm. But if you don't have that and you're not both on the same path, you know? Yeah. It's difficult.

So it's really important that you think about those little things, and it is in the little things. 

Joe: Yeah, the little things are the big things. They are the big things. Just so you guys, there it is. I can, and no, we can, I can say this now because you said it first. We've been together for 25 years. That's a long [00:16:00] time.

It is a long time. Um, and it used to be all about, for the longest time it was about the gifts. Yes. Like what kind of gift am I getting her? What? What am I, I get her a gift for a birthday. I get her a gift for Christmas. Get her a gift. Just to get her a gift. Yeah. And it always had to be over the top, and it always had to be as extravagant as I could possibly make it.

Yeah. And I hate myself for it because now. 25 years in could, that's nothing left. No, it's, it's not so much that there's nothing left, but because I went so hard, so fast, so early, yeah. It's, it's lost the, oh, wow. Yeah. It's not, I was doing it just to do it right because I wanted to like, wow. You, like I didn't.

And I don't know exactly yeah, [00:17:00] what I was hoping to gain from that. Um, but I could go out now and buy you a $3,000 tennis bracelet and give it to you and you'd be like, okay, cool. I like, thanks. I'll just put this in with the other, in, with the other 15 tennis bracelets that you got me in 13 necklaces and 16 rings, and it, it's just a lot of stuff and it's, I, I spent a lot of foolish money when I was younger.

Mm-hmm. A lot. It's been a long time since I've bought you jewelry now. Yeah, because, 

Kelly: yeah, because of my expressions when I would receive them. Mm-hmm. It's like great. Another piece of jewelry. 

Joe: Yeah. And, and again, that's you. 

Kelly: And I know some ladies let me say this because there are some ladies out there that would absolutely love that.

I am 

Joe: different in every way imaginable.

Which is why I love you [00:18:00] so much. 

Kelly: So you have to look at your own relationship and how your significant other is and what they really like. Um, not everyone is going to like the same things, so that's very important to understand. But for me, mm-hmm. Yeah, I, I don't need jewelry every. Occasionally, 

Joe: every birthday, every Christmas, every anniversary Valentine's Day 

Kelly: anniversary, I don't need it.

Yeah. That's not my, uh, not my thing of choice. 

Joe: Oh my gosh. Excuse me. Um, no, it it, it's not. But you realize, and it, there again, and, and learning what love is and love isn't. Mm-hmm. I finally got to that place where I realized I. Love was not the reason I was buying you those presents. No love was not the reason that I even fought to do it.

Right. [00:19:00] I was doing it because I wanted a reaction. Yes. I wanted some sort of emotional response. Mm-hmm. And then when it didn't happen the way I thought it should. Well, what does that result in instantaneously with just about every guy. On earth. You get mad. Yeah. Like are you serious right now? Yep. I just spent all this money on this and that's like, are you for real?

Yeah. Right now. Yep. Like I could take this and give this to any other woman with a 10 mile radius and they'd be over the moon. I give it to you and what I get is, oh yeah, for real. Sorry. But it taught me something. Yeah. That I was doing something, I was buying you something based on how you were gonna act.

Mm-hmm. I wasn't, I wasn't buying [00:20:00] you a gift based on something you would enjoy based on something that I know you would appreciate, something I know you would receive. And it would, it would show. Without words. Right. That I love you. Yeah. 'cause I've gotten you something not that I think will benefit me.

Yeah. I've gotten you something that means something to you. Right. That is special to you. So, and, and, and that are times, and like you said, there are times and there were times where jewelry was special. Yeah. It was like, wow, this is nice. And it just got to be a broken, broken. It just, yeah, broken. 

Kelly: It was every single occasion way too much.

Yeah. Not that I didn't love everything, but 

Joe: nah. I think you might be using that word love. Yeah. Yeah. 

Kelly: Not that improper, not, didn't like everything. [00:21:00] 

Joe: Just to touch on what we touched on earlier, just to 

Kelly: touch on. Yeah. See, there I go. Throwing it out there. Um, not that I didn't like everything, but. You know?

Yeah. I think really knowing your partner and knowing what they truly like and what they truly desire really shows how much you love, because it shows you're paying attention. Yeah. And paying attention to someone and paying attention to those little things. Mm-hmm. About them that make them happy. That. I surprise them.

That shows that you love them. 

Joe: Mm-hmm. But it does, and it can also make you feel like a complete adult. Um, because there have been, I complete transparency and honesty just, just far into the game. There are times where occasions come around and [00:22:00] I'm like, I don't know. What to do. Like I'm just sitting around thinking like, I wish I so badly.

Want to hit the cricket button right now? For those of you who are wondering, we have a cool little mixing board in there. Crickets. We 

Kelly: try to make him refrain from pushing the button. 

Joe: We try to make me refrain from pushing a button, but legitimately, there are sometimes where I sit back and I think to myself, when am I gonna get my wife?

And I get quiet and well, as I hear is,

Kelly: Yeah. 

Joe: Yeah, that's pretty much, that's pretty much it. Sorry. It's legitimate. No, I'm not sorry. I've been waiting to push one of those buttons. 

Kelly: I know. But so, but staying in love is just not, About that either's also. No, it's not. 

Joe: And we're we It's also focusing on that. I, I shouldn apologize. 

Kelly: No. So, but just like [00:23:00] when I said, you know, when Joe and I were going through some rough times, I had to get up and decide whether or not to like him.

It's a choice. Yeah. You make a choice whether or not to love somebody and you have to decide. Love is 

Joe: a verb. Yeah. That's, I mean, we, we say it a lot in the, in the circles of faith, that faith is a verb, right? But so is love. Love is a verb. Love is something you choose to do. Love is, love is an action. Yeah, something you don't walk that out is not love, is not an emotion No at all.

Loves a choice. Do I want to, and it's, I, uh, I don't know that I will ever forget the, the infamous, like midnight talk that we had not long after I had gotten sober. Mm-hmm. You know, maybe six months into it, sitting in the playroom in the old house. And me just being beside myself, like I, I, I [00:24:00] couldn't reconcile in my mind like, why isn't everything just automatically all better, right?

Like, everything should be all better. And you looked me square in the eye and said, there are some days I still resent you. And it was like, oh yeah. 

Kelly: Ouch. Yeah, because you thought everything was good. Because you had gotten sober. Well, I still had however many years of having to deal. Yeah. With your non sober self and having to take care of the children.

Mm-hmm. And having to take care of the household and having to take care of everything because you weren't there. But I still loved 

Joe: you, which is mind numbing to me. 

Kelly: And to a lot of people, a lot of people don't understand. 

Joe: But I, I will say, um,

we just touched on something and [00:25:00] it's, I share it a lot and if you've already heard me say this too bad, I'm saying it anyway, but what you don't realize. When you choose to do that, and I have told Kelly this and I've told many people who've heard our testimony, this have stood in front of our entire church and said this, that when she chose to love me through all that, I didn't realize it at the time.

But what she was doing was showing me the love of Christ when I was at my worst point, when I was at my lowest place. When I was at my absolute wits end. And she was at hers for that matter. Yeah. [00:26:00] But she chose, in spite of all that, to love me. That is the absolute essence of love of Christ. Father, forgive them.

They know not what they do, that she knew that I was hurt. She knew that I was running, and it doesn't make everything I did okay. No, it doesn't make it acceptable. It didn't give me a free pass. And I've had to deal with those things as they have come about.

But what it did do was give me hope because it showed me, and like I said, I didn't realize it when I was going through it, but when I popped out the other side, When I finally [00:27:00] allowed God to pick me up and put me on my feet, he revealed it. This is what my love looks like. This is how I loved you, and there is nothing.

There's nothing more humbling on this earth than that very moment when you realize everything that you were blessed with, everything that you received in spite of. Everything you had done. Yeah, it's heavy. Uh, it's very heavy, but it's beautiful. It is beautiful and it, it draws that is why, and that really from that moment to right now is, is the only reason I'm able to see the difference between love and like, Yeah, love.

And I, I shouldn't even say like, um, I mean, really at the end [00:28:00] of the day, it, it's just a form of lust. Yeah. 'cause you want something, you desire it, I wanna have it right. But love isn't like that. No love is, what can I do for that person? How can I help my wife? How can I support? I. My wife. That's love. Yeah.

That's what love is. And it's easy. It, it, I guess really at the end of the, at the end of the day, I, I think we said, you know, how do you stay in love? Mm-hmm. Stop thinking about yourself. Yeah. 

Kelly: You have to put yourself aside and. Focus on the other person. 

Joe: And that's just allow me to touch on something here that, that this, there was this whole self-care thing that got really big.

Mm there a couple years ago. That does not mean don't take care of the things you need to take care [00:29:00] of for your own physical wellbeing. Right? No, that's not what we're saying. But what we are saying is you wake up on a Saturday morning fellas and. It's a nice 75 degree morning, cool breeze. Sun's out the water's flat.

Lemme go throw a bait in the water. That's fine. But that can't be the first thing every single time. Sometimes you need to draw back and say, what does my wife need today? And don't just save it for a rainy day. Don't only be willing to do it when you can't do what you want to do. Right. Do it when you, when the, when the weather is perfect for fishing.

When the weather is perfect for hunting, when the weather is perfect for [00:30:00] whatever it is that you like to do. If you're somewhere and you like to race cars or I, I don't know what it is. We're in a rural area, so we like to hunt and fish. Yeah.

Kelly: And who knows? You maybe may like to hunt and fish too. Take her 

Joe: with you maybe. So play basketball. Yeah, go to the gym, whatever. I'm not saying but sacrifice 'cause love is sacrificial. Yeah. Because nothing will mean more. And I'm talking to fellas right now. I'll let you speak to the women, but I, that's not my place, but fellas.

Nothing means more to your wife, to your woman. Nothing means more to her than saying, you know what, I could have done a thousand other things, but right now I just wanted to be here and to do some stuff with you. I wanted to do whatever it is. Fill in the blank. Yeah. With you. [00:31:00] I wanted to stay home and give you a hand because I know you've got stuff going on, right?

So I wanted to help you with it. And do it. Yeah. And do it with a smile. Don't do it with, don't go around and blow a horn saying, look what I did. No, but do it. Take her out to lunch. I don't know. Do whatever it's she likes to do for you. I, I know I could, I could grab legitimately tell you to grab your camera, grab your tripod, and we're just gonna go to Ferry Park.

Yeah. Or we're just gonna drive wherever. Terrapin. Yeah. Tuck a hill. Maybe we make a, a half day trip after I I'll take you to Bombay Hook. Yeah. And just go do it. Just so I can take pictures. Just so you, I don't take pictures. 

Kelly: I do. 

Joe: I don't have a camera. [00:32:00] But it makes you happy. Yeah. Or maybe it's something as simple as, let me start a load of laundry.

Let me carry the clothes basket downstairs, basket and start a load of laundry. Yeah. But that is, it's the little stuff. 

Kelly: And that's important too, that ladies need to understand. It's the little stuff with guys it, because guys, they just, Bridget sister, they just want to be thanked for those things that they do.

And that's the important part. They just wanna be recognized and seen. Because so many times I think you guys are, you know, you just feel like you're just doing and doing and doing. You're not getting thanked for it. And no, I'm not gonna thank you. Every time you take out the trash, sorry, 

Joe: nor would I want you to, I'm not, that would be weird.

Kelly: But when I let you know that you've been seen and that I appreciate everything that you do, that goes a long way. Mm-hmm. But it's also spending that one-on-one [00:33:00] time and talking to you and letting you know that you're being heard. 

Joe: And as weird as that sounds, 

Kelly: yes, I know it does sound weird, but because as women we're always doing so many things,

We're focusing on the kids, we're focusing on work, we're focusing on the house. We're focusing on X, Y, and Z. Okay. Now, and then, you know, hubby gets put to the end of the list. I was gonna say, let, 

Joe: and that is not okay. Yeah, let, let's, because that is something that's been a big point of contention in our relationship for that has a lot of years.

It's not, it has. It is. It is finally. Thank you, Jesus. It is finally. 

Kelly: Well, and I will say a 

Joe: lot of that, I just, not because my wife is doing everything I think she should do, but because we're both growing, we're talking, we're Yes. Communicating. 

Kelly: But I think a lot of that stemmed from, you know, when you were [00:34:00] drinking and you were off doing whatever you wanted.

I was just busy doing what I had to do. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, you were at the bottom of the list because. It didn't matter. So it was a bad habit that had to break, and it's taken a while, but we're definitely on a much better track than we were. 

Joe: Yeah. But, and it is, it's something that it's, it's a bit of a, I don't wanna say a double-edged sword, both husband and wife.

Let's just draw back for a minute. Each of you have stuff, each of us. Mm-hmm. We've got stuff going on. And you know, the instance that keeps coming to mind right now, like you, you think about a mom who's at home with her kids all day, right. And dad, who has been at work mm-hmm. All day. Regardless. He's been at work all day.

Right. Comes home. The [00:35:00] first thing mom wants to do is dump kids on dad hand off the kids. Mm-hmm. And leave me alone. Yep. Because you don't understand what I've been through all day. Mm-hmm. Now I can, I can appreciate where mom's coming from. Right. But humor me for a minute. Dad wasn't just out. Uh, hanging out, playing a pickup game of horse.

Right. At the local Y M C A? No, he was 

Kelly: at work and he was doing stuff 

Joe: too. Dad wasn't casting a line. Yeah. And sitting on the dock fishing all day, drinking Dr. Pepper and getting his suntan while he was catching fish. Right. That's not what he was doing. He was working. Yeah. You so you're tired. Mom's tired.

But guess what? So is dad. Yeah. And vice versa. Sure. Dad doesn't get to come home and say, I'm putting all my stuff down and I'm putting my feet up and leave me alone. I'm gonna watch the game. Yeah. And it, it doesn't work 

Kelly: like that now. And I think it's [00:36:00] really important, you know, in our relationship, as soon as you come home, you really like it.

When I stop and acknowledge that you're there and acknowledge that you. Have gotten home and how happy I am to see you 

Joe: when I, okay, so what she is saying is

not wrong. It's she's spot on. What is behind that is I, oh my gosh, this is gonna sound so ridiculous. I have been with you for 25 years. Mm-hmm. I am still giddy. Every like I see like you're smiling right now across the desk and that smile. I love that smile. Like your smile makes me smile. [00:37:00] I love it. I think you're gorgeous.

So when I walk in, I wanna hug you. I want to give you a kiss. 'cause I'm home. I haven't gotten to see you since I walked out the door at five 30. 5 45 in the morning. Yeah. And it's usually like anywhere between four 30 and five 30. Five five. Yeah. When I get home. So I wanna see you. Yeah. It's a big deal to me.

I can't because I am, that's all I am in granted. I, I, I, I. But that's what I'm thinking about on the way home. I'm excited to come home and see you. Yeah. So there is, even after 25 years when I walk in that door and it's almost as if I'm just non-existent. It's like,

oh, okay. It's like that. So, and I've gotten better over it or I've gotten better about [00:38:00] it, yeah. 

Kelly: Over years. Because there are sometimes things are chaotic in this house and they just are. And they just are, and I can't. No. Whether I'm fixing dinner or I've got kids like asking me a million questions, who knows what's going on at that time.

Um, we're still working. Um, it's chaotic and I can't always break away. I try to. Right, right. But there are times that I can, and that's where you have to show grace. You have to show grace to your spouse. 

Joe: Well, and there's the revelation. If I wanna hug that bad, I can walk over and give you a hug. Right? You don't have to drop everything you're doing right to come give me a hug and say, oh my gosh, you're home.

Welcome home King Joe. Put your feet up and relax. Let me, let me fix your plate for you. Si. It's not like that. And I hope it didn't come off like that. It's not like that at all. No, 

Kelly: but, but it is important. It's important that you. [00:39:00] Do those little things. Yeah. You know, and for different guys it's different things, you know, and I, it all depends on a person's relationship mm-hmm.

With their spouse or a significant other. Um, so what that different thing is, it'll look different for everybody, but it's taking the time to learn those little things. Yep. And to continue to do those little things and not put them on the back burner and not get. Consumed with everything else that's going on in your life.

Mm-hmm. And pushing those things to the back burner so that love kind of just fizzles and Yeah, 

Joe: you're not, you're not wrong. And it is, and that's what makes it, like we said before, getting into this. Like you have to work at it. Yeah. Because ladies think differently than guys. They do. You, [00:40:00] you creatures have 1,000,001 things going through your mind at one time.

Um, for the most part. I mean, guys, we know that there are a million things to do, but we compartmentalize everything and just start knocking stuff out. Yeah. Okay. I need to get this done. I need to get this done. I need to get this done. I need to get this done. And that's what, that's what you focus on.

That's what you go after. Um, Which can be just as dangerous because then all of a sudden it can be listening to your wife, becomes a job to get done. Yeah. And she tells you something and you're like, you just do X, Y, Z and it'll all be good. Okay. Great. Grand. We good? Awesome. No move on. And it's not good at all.

It's not good fellas. You've just painted yourself into a corner. Yeah. No, don't 

Kelly: do that. Don't say that. If I want your help, I'll ask for you to fix it, but I, I just want 

Joe: you to see sometimes, and I have learned that I, I, I am still, I don't always perfe I know. Gotten better, perfected 

Kelly: it. You've gotten 

Joe: better.

I, I have because [00:41:00] of God, everything. If there's anything that is good that comes from me, it is from God, that is for sure. Um, but yeah, it's work. Yeah. And it's just being able, at the end of the day, staying in love is about meeting your spouse Right where they're at. Exactly. And just saying, Hey, what's up?

Kelly: Yep. Every day. Every single day. And it's different every 

Joe: day. I never thought I would hear myself say it, but talking like it, it's talking is a big deal for me. Yeah. It's being able to talk to you. Without interruption. 

Kelly: Yes. 'cause 

Joe: that is huge. That is next to impossible in this house without interruption pertains to going to bed and by the time, you know, we both get to bed.

It's 

Kelly: one, two, I three. I'm usually asleep in like five seconds. It's You are, I'm a conundrum. It's okay. 

Joe: I think you would be a world record holder if there was for somebody who doesn't have clinically. [00:42:00] Prescribed narcolepsy. All right. You fall asleep faster. I do. Than just about anybody. I know. 

Kelly: I do. My brain runs hard all day, so 

Joe: it's tired.

Yeah. And that's okay. That is o Yeah. Okay. Staying in 

Kelly: love. Staying in love. It's a lot to take in. Put 

Joe: yourself aside. Yes. Put God in his rightful spot. Mm-hmm. Put your spouse in their rightful spot, which guess what is above yourself? Yep. And just work at it. Yeah. It's not about being perfect, it's about being consistent.

Yes. That's what it is. Consistency. Yep. If you are consistently, consistently trying to be better today than you were yesterday, and you wake up tomorrow doing the same thing, I need to be better today. And I don't mean to the point to where you beat yourself up and you [00:43:00] condemn yourself. No, but just say, Lord, make me better.

Show me something. Yeah, give me something I can focus in on that. Would let her know just how much I love her. Help me to see her, help me to see him the way you see them, Lord, so that I can love them perfectly. Right There is a key. Yeah. Worth grabbing a hold of. So absolutely. I hope that this blessed you.

Yeah. I hope it blessed you. I hope, um, I hope you enjoyed, please like, share, subscribe, um, and we will see you on the next episode.

Kelly: Thanks for listening to the Blessings on Hope Road podcast. If you'd like to support the show, click on the link in the description and don't forget to follow the show to get notifications whenever there is new content.[00:44:00]