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Pat Walsh
Pat's Peeps Podcast
PAT'S PEEPS SPECIAL EPISODE "CALIFORNIA DREAMIN"
A satirical journey through California's contradictions exposes the "premium state with premium ideas" as perhaps less desirable than advertised. The episode uses mockery and parody to highlight political hypocrisy, failed policies, and the growing exodus from the once-golden state.
• Satirical tourism ad promoting California's "premium" features including highest housing prices, taxes, and gas prices
• Mock political dialogue minimizing riots and crime while claiming "peaceful protests"
• Critical examination of slave reparations policy in a state "that never had slaves"
• Parody of emergency services prioritizing identity politics over competency
• Musical segments about California's wildfires, failed infrastructure, and mass exodus
• Critique of politicians who say "do as I say, not as I do" while dining at upscale restaurants
• Various references to homeless crisis, sanctuary city policies, and environmental challenges
Tired of your ordinary, boring life in a red state? Why not visit California? California is a premium state with premium ideas. We've got the highest housing prices, gas and taxes of any state, and more is always better. Come see our breathtaking beaches, our majestic, mostly peaceful forests, or come to see a family-friendly Dodger game. There are always plenty of free campsites and, the best part, you can go to the bathroom anywhere you want, no questions asked.
Speaker 1:Want to meet new people? We've got you covered, with a huge wave of illegal immigrants coming over the border each and every day. Hola, senors, diversity is our L-strength. Though you may have heard it's expensive here. But not to worry, try a smash and grab. We won't stop you. We've got everything the red states have Well, except for water and electricity and fresh air. Oh, and there's a lot of traffic. But hey, you might meet a real movie star or even Kirk Cameron. So come on down to a state where the possibilities are endless, and so are the taxes and crime and cost of living and regulations and woke nonsense in schools and blackouts and the brownouts and the wildfires and the earthquakes and the sewage spills and the droughts and much more. California a little taste of America's future.
Speaker 2:Why the hell is everyone acting like I'm not doing anything about the mostly peaceful riots in Los Angeles? Can't they see I'm doing my job? I mean, for God's sake, it's not like anyone's setting things on fire. Besides, la is still a wonderful place, with great weather and the occasional 75,000 homeless people pooping in the streets. It's like people expect me to do something every time, slightly less than peaceful rioters blow up a few cop cars. Falcon. I know what you mean, gavin. It's disappointing people be and peaceful rioters blow up a few cop cars. Falcon, paw, I know what you mean, gavin. It's disappointing people be acting like we not doing nothing. So how much barbecue sauce do you want on them? Ribs A lot, hello.
Speaker 2:Since you refuse to handle the riots in LA, I'm taking matters into my own hands and sending the National Guard. No, donald, you can't. If you do that, then it's going to make it obvious I'm not doing my job, gavin. These people are violent and they're destroying the beautiful city of Los Angeles. Oh, so all of a sudden, a bunch of arsonists and looters terrorizing the streets of Los Angeles is a problem, I'll have you know. It's been happening for years and I've never complained about it. It's good to see you.
Speaker 2:I heard you had to evacuate home. I did. I had to leave my house. But you know what? I think everybody's doing a great job with the LA fires. All right, I'm proud of the leadership we have in LA, and I know I'm right because my wife is black and white people.
Speaker 2:Suck Free, luigi, I agree, they're really doing a great job. Yeah, all these fire experts online saying how it was mismanaged oh, I'm upset because the entire neighborhoods are being destroyed and there's no water in the hydrants and there were huge budget cuts right before the fire and there's a shortage of equipment for the firefighters. Lunatics, right? Sorry, hang on, bill Burr here. Hey, bill, I'm calling to make sure you're telling everyone what a great job I'm doing. I do it myself, but for some reason, everyone thinks I'm lying all the time. But they'll believe you because you're just like them, don't worry. All right, all these people who are mad at you are out of their minds, right? You're a good guy. You did an unbelievably good job. All right, thanks, bill, I knew I picked the right guy. I'm doing a great job.
Speaker 3:California probably the most craziest state they passed this thing called slave reparations. California's gonna pay slave reparations to people who are never slaves, to be paid for by people who never owned slaves in a state that never had slaves, that never had slaves. That's like paying child support for a child you never had with a woman you never f***ed. You know it just doesn't.
Speaker 2:If we didn't send out the National Guard.
Speaker 4:Oh my gosh, we didn't need the National Guard, right, it was all fine until he ruined everything.
Speaker 5:It's all his fault, it's all Trump's fault Because they called out the National Guard. There was violence. There was no violence. Of course there was no violence. Silly Nope. This is California, Yep, there's never violence in California.
Speaker 8:Yeah, I totally agree.
Speaker 5:There's been no violence at all. None, this isn't a riot, nope, it's a peaceful protest.
Speaker 3:Very peaceful.
Speaker 5:And it's actually more magical than it is peaceful.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's very, very magical.
Speaker 5:It's just hardworking people showing their passionate civic engagement. Couldn't agree with you more, boss. I've never been more proud. Oh, look at that energy out there. That's California spirit right there. Look at those amazing Californians trying to save someone from a burning building.
Speaker 9:He's a hero.
Speaker 5:True California hero. Wow, look at those great fathers taking some time off of work to shop for their kids.
Speaker 1:Trump supporters will say they're just looters, those aren't looters, nope.
Speaker 2:They're just gooders. Those aren't looters, nope.
Speaker 5:They're just good fathers who gave you thank yous to put food on the table.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, north Hollywood Division. See that, yep.
Speaker 5:Lighting cop cars on fire. That's a symbol of peace. Yep, unity, yep. It's like a campfire for the community. And it brings so many good people together.
Speaker 1:Oh, I bet it tastes delicious, it's a family thing.
Speaker 5:Yep Trump supporters wouldn't understand no way. Waving a Mexican flag while trashing the city you live in, that's literally the most American thing you can do. Oh yeah, you're not a true American unless you wave a Mexican flag while setting a cop car on fire.
Speaker 8:Right.
Speaker 5:It's like totally the American way.
Speaker 8:Yep.
Speaker 5:It's like baseball and apple pie. Oh yeah, and their right as Americans do. Right, it's called freedom of expression. People, it's the First Amendment. Yeah, look it up Trump supporters. Oh, look at how he keeps the American flag warm. Oh, he really loves America.
Speaker 11:You can tell oh yeah.
Speaker 5:Well done, peaceful Duh. We don't need the National Guard or the Marines, nope, go away. We've totally got this under control.
Speaker 1:Yes, we do.
Speaker 5:Just guard. Nope, go away. We've totally got this under control. Yes, we do Just like when we had those wildfires handled a few months ago. Oh, we did such a good job of putting those fires out oh yeah, we totally handled that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we don't have any need for the feds here, nope.
Speaker 5:We're a sanctuary city Coming to America illegally isn't even a crime, right, it's just creative border navigation. Yep, we're, we're going to get things done. It's the truth. We're a good team. Yeah, we are. We're keeping things chill here. Yep, we don't need the military coming in and scaring everyone. Go away, boy. These people really love Los Angeles. Right, look how proud they are. This is why I do this, me too, for them passing it.
Speaker 1:Law-abiding citizens, oh yeah, this isn't a riot, no, this is a celebration.
Speaker 5:Yep, just fun Californians being fun Californians. California has never been safer. The greatest state on Earth. Everybody wants to be California.
Speaker 3:I don't know if you can, but can you get?
Speaker 6:an owner for Arns.
Speaker 3:That's O-N-S Junior Market. The address is 1934 East Anaheim, 34 East Anaheim.
Speaker 4:All the windows are busted out and it's like a free-for-all here and the owners should maybe come down here and see if they can secure his business.
Speaker 12:Thank you, austin. April 26, 1992. There was a riot on the streets. Tell me where were you.
Speaker 6:You were sitting home watching your TV while I was participating in some anarchy. First spot we hit it was my liquor store, I finally got all that alcohol I can't afford.
Speaker 6:With red lights flashing, time to retire. And then we turned that liquor store into a structure fire. Next stop we hit it was the music shop. It only took one look to make that window drop. Finally, we got our own PA. Where do you think I got this guitar that you're hearing today? Hey, Call Fire at Delta or Super Spot or the station LPS at a high it's uh, flaming up.
Speaker 4:Good, this is where I left California. I couldn't go to a Walmart without getting harassed Like, hey, excuse me, can I get some money? Huh, can you get me something to eat? I was like you know what Get a f***ing job. Okay, have some self-respect and don't give me the whole whoa. That's not how you talk to your wife. California. Yeah.
Speaker 11:I am Gavin Newsom Ruling's. What I do, do as I say and not as I do. I am your governor. Rest long, so listen to me. If your county's purple, it's patio life for thee. I'm from California, hypothermia from sitting in the cold. If you're looking for me, I'll be at French Laundry.
Speaker 7:I'm from California. How many people from California? I think California does it right, cuz whatever we do, the rest of the country just copies it like we. We invent cool stuff, we invented the environment. We're the first state to pass no smoking indoors. I thought that was cool. Used to have no smoking sections in restaurants, like that did anything. It's air. A non-smoking section in a restaurant is like a non-peeing section in a pool.
Speaker 8:Palisades are burning bright. Oregon trucks nowhere inside. Budget cuts, hydrants dry, no water in supply. Hearst fire, kenneth fire, eaton fire please retire. Climate change, trump's deranged the LA fires are not contained. Burn, baby burn. Karen Bass is on the scene. Reject, rejecting almost everything Smelt, fish, droughts and wind. This is all Trump's fault. Again, transgenders fighting fires, dei, that's not satire. Forest dry flames are high. California say goodbye. I didn't start the fire. No, I didn't light it and refuse to fight it. I didn't start the fire. That's misinformation. Kid in education.
Speaker 5:You want to see somebody that responds to your house that looks like you.
Speaker 10:Welcome to the Los Angeles Fire Department's 2025 orientation video. Here at LIFD, we focus on the important things, like making sure the fireman, firewoman or fire they that show up to a burning building look like the people that they're trying to save. It's far more important that the victims of any fires or emergencies see someone that reflects their race, sex or sexual identity than to see or receive help from somebody outside of their group. I mean, could you imagine a white child looking up to a black firefighter and seeing him as an ally in his Aryan community? Ha ha ha ha. Not in LA. You won't. Because at LAFD, races don't mix To all the Caucasian prospects, we ask that you hold your applications.
Speaker 10:While we focus on filling these positions with members from the marginalized communities, it's time for you whites to step back, listen and check your privilege. Lafd is leading the nation in our application of DEI programs and this month we're kicking off our Face Race initiative. We'll reflect your racial or sexual background and no rescuing will commence until that representation is present. We're hoping to have the whites assisting only their communities by 2030. At LAFD, our goal is to let the minorities handle it themselves, and this year we've furthered our commitment to our communities by taking a 17 million dollar pay cut. This cut will allow us to shut down water collection points as their presence hindered mostly peaceful fires trying to express themselves in their communities.
Speaker 10:And fear not those of you that failed our physical fitness testing, as we are currently removing all physical requirements from this academy Join the proud ranks of our nation's first handy capable fire battalion, where 100% of our firefighters are wheelchair bound. And remember, if you can't carry somebody out of a burning building, just remember that they put themselves in that situation and it's not your fault, got himself in the wrong place.
Speaker 5:If I have to carry, him out of a fire.
Speaker 10:And if you're asking yourself, hey, why is a white guy telling me all this? Well, I'm gay. At LAFD, we're DE-EYEing to have you on our team. No, but seriously, most of our wheelchair battalion is dead. Join the Los Angeles Fire Department today. We're on fire. Thank God that you're here. This Asian guy's house is on fire and since I'm white, I had to wait for one of you to show up so that we could help. Yeah, uh, I don't really like how you said one of you, but I'll go talk to the gentleman and see if I can help. Damn it, richard, watch your microaggressions. Well, can't help why? Well, I'm Vietnamese and he's Korean, so you know what that means.
Speaker 6:We need another.
Speaker 10:Asian Dang it.
Speaker 6:All the streets are brown and the teachers gay. I went for a walk, got mugged along the way. Yeah, I'd be safe from home If I moved from LA. California fleeing I gotta get away. I wish we all could leave California now. I wish we all could leave California. I wish we all could leave California now. On a dark, smoky freeway, pollution in the air, endless lines of U-Hauls Leaving despair Up ahead in the distance. A soft, a broken light. My wallet's empty. My rights are gone. I'm fleeing here tonight. Harry Smith in Sacramento, gavin Smith on display. I came for his promises Of equity and better way. He said he'd tax the rich and help the poor get by. But now I can't afford gas because the rent's too high. Getting out of this hell of California what a running place. Getting out of this hellhole California. What a rotten place. Rotten place, floating state. Everything's ruined. In hellhole California. It was paradise, paradise, our paradise.
Speaker 7:California is your natural disaster. Let's get to it. Let's get right to it. Stop moving here. I'm going to look in the camera and tell you something. Coeur d'Alene is an ugly place. You don't want to be here. The people are horrible, sometimes it's cold, sometimes it's beautiful, and people keep moving here. Those motherfuckers from California, alright, whoops, time out, time out. That's not what I was asking. This is how the town hall started. You remember? This is what it was just a simple, nice conversation.
Speaker 8:Stay away, stay away, california.
Speaker 9:As you know, our three at-large vice chair positions are used to ensure gender balance among seven offices Treasurer, secretary, national Finance Chair and Vice Chair for Civic Engagement and Voter Participation and the three at-large Vice Chairs. Our rules specify that when we have a gender non-binary candidate or officer, the non-binary individual is counted as neither male nor female, and the remaining six offices must be gender balanced. With the results of the previous four elections, our elected officers are currently two male and two female. In order to be gender balanced, we must elect one male, one female and one person of any gender. So, again, this is what we have to do for this vice chair race we have to elect one male, one female and one person of any gender. To ensure our process accounts for male, female and non-binary candidates, we conferred with our RBC co-chair, our LGBT Caucus co-chair and others to ensure that the process is inclusive and meets the gender balance requirements in our rules. To do this, our process will be slightly different than the one outlined to you earlier this week, but I hope you will see that in practice it is simple and transparent.
Speaker 9:As we must elect a candidate of any gender, as well as one male and one female vice chair, we will first ask members to elect a candidate of any gender on the first ballot. Any candidate male, female and non-binary can be elected on that ballot. After a candidate is elected on the first ballot, we'll have one officer of the three, so we will not. So then we will know which position is filled of the one male, one female and one vice chair of any gender. Our second ballot would also be for a candidate of any gender. Then our third ballot will be the third position that is remaining, based on the two results either a male candidate if a candidate that is not male has not been elected, or a female candidate if a female has not been elected. Additionally, pursuant to our rules, our unsuccessful candidates for vice chair of civic engagement and voter participation will automatically be included as candidates for these vice chair positions, unless they indicated otherwise on their nominating statement that's going to do it for our california special on the pats peeps podcast.
Speaker 1:Happy thursday. See you from the Bluegrass Festival.
Speaker 12:Pack up all your dishes, make note of all good wishes, say goodbye to the landlord. For me, sons of bitches always bore me. Throw out those LA papers. Holy box of vanilla wafers. Adios to all this concrete. Gonna get me some dirt road back straight.
Speaker 6:I can just get off of that LA freeway Without getting killed or caught.
Speaker 12:Down the road in a cloud of smoke for some land that I ain't bought, I thought it might task it off for that LA freeway without getting killed or caught.
