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Pat Walsh
Pat's Peeps Podcast
Ep. 385 Today's Peep Pays Tribute To The National Lampoon Radio Hour: How It Shaped My Life & My Mic, Satire As a Compass, Catch It and Keep It, A Fake Oil Spokesman Tells the Truth Corporate PR Won't and You Are A Fluke of the Universe
A 46-ton “prize” falls from a balcony, a children’s show meets a jaded bassist, and a fake oil spokesman tells the truth corporate PR won’t—this is the unruly radio lineage that shaped our mic. We rewind to the 1970s and the National Lampoon Radio Hour, the short, blazing run that launched Belushi, Radner, Chase, Guest, Murray, and more, and taught a generation how to make sound paint pictures, punch upward, and still land a clean joke.
We start with the lesser-known spark: the News Blimp, an FM-era segment that treated young listeners like thinkers and made alternative news feel inevitable. Then we dive into Lampoon’s studio on Madison Avenue, where writers like Michael O’Donoghue built sketches that moved fast, cut deep, and felt dangerous. You’ll hear “Catch It and You Keep It,” a game show parody that turns consumer joy into a safety hazard; “Monolithic Oil,” a high-gloss confession that skewers energy doublespeak; a Jill St. John spoof laying bare ad-speak; Dick Ballantine’s jittery call-in chaos; a pulp-perfect OJ send-up; and the cult-favorite Mr. Rogers interview with a rock bassist played by Bill Murray. We close with “Deteriorata,” a perfectly straight-faced anthem that makes you laugh and wince in the same breath.
Along the way, we talk about why these bits endure: clean premises, ruthless structure, and trust in the audience. There’s a direct line from those sketches to how we build our show today—tight intros, sharp pivots, jokes with a point, and a refusal to play it safe when satire can tell the truth. If you love radio history, SNL’s roots, or just want to hear how sound can still shock you awake, press play and come with us.
Enjoyed the ride? Subscribe, share with a friend who loves classic comedy, and drop a review telling us which sketch hit hardest.
Hong Kong quiets wobbles the goose.
SPEAKER_01:Patty, Happy Friday. It's about speech podcaster. It is Friday, January 16th. My name is Pat. Appropriately appropriate name for the podcast, Pat Speech. It's 2026 as I look out my studio window into the beautiful foothills of Northern California. Look at that sun just coming through, shining. It's nice out. I don't know what the temperature is, but nice and warm and just a beautiful day. Wherever you are, thank you for listening today. It was nice last night. Heck, we got calls from what, Georgia and Idaho. That's on my radio show, by the way. Uh the host of the Pat Wall Show, as heard on KFBK Radio in Sacramento, 93.1 FM, 1530 a.m. And uh streaming live on all your platforms, including the iHeartRadio platform. Please support local businesses. Please check out our merchandise. We have the coolest hoodies and and and t-shirts and hats and all of that stuff, and we're gonna be adding to that. We have new ideas that are gonna be coming out very soon, so we're expanding that. But if you go to patspeeps.com, you can also see my podcast there or hear my podcast. You can see all of our businesses, etc., etc. You know, this is Pat's Peeps 385. I want to talk about something that is one of the biggest influences in my life. It's part of the reason that I'm in radio. There's actually a couple things I wanted to talk about. I'll just touch on one of them, but I really want to get into the other. Not only am I uh a music guy, I love music, as you probably know if you listen to me, but there were other things that really uh influenced me in my life. One of those, and this one I'll just touch on, like I said, but there was a thing back in the 1970s on radio. I've always loved radio, and it was a thing called the news blimp. What remember it had that little sound? What if anyone even remembers the news blimp? It was popular on rock stations, syndicated read uh radio feature in the 70s. It was created by the get this Progressive Radio Network. Let's look at the acronym POINE. It's PRN. Uh it delivered short, like alternative news segments to the FM album Rock Stations. And I always looked forward to it. It always offered up relevant stories on like lifestyle or science, counterculture topics, uh, to a young audience, which included me in my late teens. And that ran alongside music programming, uh and it challenged mainstream news. So all of these things are influences on me, which I do on my show every single day. I thought the news blimp did a great job of that. Yeah, they focused on young, progressive listeners, government surveillance, uh, space colonization, social issues, distinctly different than the typical news, which again, that's what my show is. And again, it was distributed to numerous FM stations, which my show should be. So that's one thing, and I'll get more into that at some later point, but there was another thing that really influenced me. And you know, it was comedy on records, and we all know about in the and particularly in the 70s, everyone knows about Cheech and Chong, which was one of my favorites, but I'm not here to talk about Cheech and Chong. I'm here to talk about another comedy outlet for me growing up, which just truly influenced everything I do, and that was the National Lampoon Radio Hour. You know, now we see National Lampoon movies, Christmas Vacation, and all these. But this was way before that. This was way before Saturday Night Live, where you had Chevy Chase and Gilda Radner and Bill Murray and Brian Doyle Murray and all of these great actors, Christopher Guest, all of these comedians who were so talented, and they were doing this thing called the National Lampoon Radio Hour. A comedy show created, produced, written by the staff of the National Lampoon magazine, which was out then, which started all of this. I loved magazines. We even touched on, we talked about a Mad magazine, I talked about with Kitty O'Neill on last night's handoff from the from the afternoon news on KFPK to my show. Talked about Mad Magazine, Alfred E. Newman, you know, phone bone, Don Martin, and other things that influenced me. But uh of audio-wise, personality-wise, with sarcasm and satire. The show ran for weekly for just a little over a year. That was it. December 28th of 74 is when it came to an end. Started November 17th of 73. It was originally an hour in length. After 13 weeks, it was cut down to half an hour because they had some difficulty in you know putting together. That's a pretty considerable uh task. That's a lot of material to put together for an hour a week. But again, they had very talented people. And the show was produced by Michael O'Donohue. Anyone remember Michael O'Donohue, who uh was a big writer for s the original Saturday Night Live. He like he was Mr. Mike. And remember when he took he was so bizarre. Maybe he'd do the impersonation like I'd like to do tonight an impersonation of what it would be like. What it might be like something like this. Uh he'd use anyone like Ed Sullivan or Elvis Presley or whoever. If Ed Sullivan were to come out and just jam large knitting needles into his eyes, I think it would go something like this. You know, and he would pretend like he'd take two knitting needles and jam into his eyes and then start going, ah, ah, ah, and rolling around on stage in agony and pain. Guy was a trip. So it was produced by him. Later producers include Sean Kelly, Brian Connichy, and yes, John Belushi, who we all know died too young, was part of Saturday Night Live. Listen to the names that were in the National Lampoon Radio Hour. John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Richard Belzer, Christopher Guest, Bill Murray, Gilda Radner, Brian Doyle Murray, Harold Ramis, Joe Flaherty, Cole Escola, Joe Firestone, Brett Davis, Alex English, Maeve Higgins, Aaron Jackson, Rachel Pegram, Laura Ramirez, Megan Stadter, Martin Urbano, and so many more. And you'll recognize a lot of those names, of course, from movies and yes, the original Saturday Night Live, which today, which to this day is my favorite. So National the the radio, National Lampoon Radio Hour is recorded in a studio, especially built at the National Lampoon Offices, 635 Madison Avenue, New York City. The musical theme for the show was co-written, performed by Bob Hoban and Nate Herman. It was broadcast on 600 different radio stations. But the stations picking it up, they were free to air at any time that they chose. It proved difficult to get enough advertising to support the series. The national sponsors seemed reluctant to take the show on, perhaps because some of it was very controversial. And you'll hear some of that in what I'm about to play for you. Some of its material, particularly listen to things like Give Ireland back to the Irish. When the show folded, several of the performers and writers moved on yes to Saturday Night Live. Michael O'Donne, who became the head writer for the first three seasons. The best seasons ever, in my opinion, of Saturday Night Live. And it may explain why some of the radio show material, like As I said, What if Ed Sullivan Were Tortured was subsequently repurposed for TV. Ramus, by the way, in Flarity, instead joined SC TV, Second City TV, which was hilarious in itself and gets overlooked because it is overrated. I mean, underrated, excuse me. Two examples of the sometimes shocking humor of the radio hour are sketches, which we're going to play, one of them at least, called Catch It and You Keep It. Some of the prizes, which are quite lethal, drop from a giant height to a crowd below, and they were dressed up, you know, like on Let's Make a Deal. People in the crowd would dress up in costumes. That's Catch It and You Keeper. We're going to play that for you coming up. But there were several. And when I tell you that it was difficult to pick some of the segments here, they released five albums. They were created entirely or partially with material from the radio hour. Those albums, 1974, The Missing White House Tapes, 1975, Gold Turkey. 1977, That's Not Funny, That's Sick, where it has a cartoon similar to Farsight on the front, where you have where there are people at the table are eating frog legs. And the frogs are coming out of the swinging door there on crutches. And of course, named after the Beatles album in 1979, National Lampoon released, White Album. They also had one called Lemmings, which was essentially that was uh pattern after Woodstock. But but instead of people at Woodstock, it were Lemmings who eventually together, of course, do what lemmings do and all committed suicide at the end. Anyhow, I want to play some of this for you today. So I have selected some of my favorites. Here's what we're gonna hear on Pat Speeps 385 from the National Lampoon Radio Hour album TV Dinner Radio Dinner, Jill St. John, which is done by Christopher Guest. If you remember Jill St. John, beautiful. The parody being, yes, it's Jill St. John, this gorgeous woman, as portrayed by Christopher Guest, a man. Also, we'll hear Catch It and You Keep It, and other things we're gonna hear from all of the albums I mentioned. We'll hear Metrodone Maintenance Man, which is a James Taylor spoof. We'll hear one of my favorite bits, which is a bit called Monolithic Oil. When I was in college, I reread this. You could pick anything you want, you could reread anything you want. And so I read this Monolithic oil bit, which was performed by John McCelmont. John McCalmont was a very seasoned seasoned voice actor back in the 70s. He did voiceovers for Fortune 500 companies, very popular, always working. And so we'll hear him doing, like I say, one of my favorites, Monolithic Oil. We're also gonna hear Pulp, which is orange juice with pulp from the album That's Not Funny, That's Sick. We'll hear Richard Belzer doing uh Dick Ballantine and Dr. Blackman, which is something I plan my radio show a lot, going into music coming out of break. Hello, Dr. Blackman, we'll have that in there. We'll also hear from Bill Murray and Christopher Guest doing an incredibly funny and popular skit, which is uh Mr. Rogers interview with a famous rock bass player, all right, who is played by Bill Murray. So without further ado, on Pat's Peeps 385.
SPEAKER_17:And now the National Lampoon Radio Hour.
SPEAKER_07:You don't have to look at pictures on the radio. It doesn't ruin your vision like a TV show. Practice yoga on the ground. Or get up and walk around. You can do it when you're listening to the radio.
SPEAKER_17:Hello, I'm the Lone Ranger.
SPEAKER_07:You can shave or wash your hair while the show is on the air. You can cook up a fun too, and we'd still be coming through. You can stay in bed and you'll find we don't care at all. Just as long as you keep listening to the radio.
SPEAKER_11:The megaphone goes real marches around the nation. And it is my pleasure to welcome our radio audience to tonight's classic of the contemporary drama.
SPEAKER_07:We could tell you we look great when we're really overweight. You can get away with so much on the radio. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Leone Smith! Tell them what you look like on the radio. Because if they never see you, then they'll never know. Doesn't matter if you ask me. What you look like when they listen to the radio. You get the picture? R A G Io.
SPEAKER_06:Thank you, Marconi. Hey, it's kind of wild, isn't it? I mean, here we are. You're a long-haired dissident. I'm an up-and-coming record executive. Standing side by side in a public place. Well, we couldn't be more different, you and I, but we'll we're both free. We got the same opportunities. We we can say pretty much what we like if if we don't go off the deep end. And even though we look at life from opposite ends of the spectrum, I'll bet we want pretty much the same things, you know. We aren't so far apart, really. So what I'm curious about is your splash is that much louder than mine.
SPEAKER_00:Uh it's simple and pissing on your briefcase.
SPEAKER_17:It's time once again to play Catch It and You Keep.
SPEAKER_18:And here's your host, Bob Benson. Hi, folks. For you newcomers to catch it and you keep it, here's how we play the game. I'm now standing on a balcony on the tenth floor of the CBS studios. The contestants are gathered below me in the parking lot. My assistants and I will throw prizes down to the crowd, and if they catch them, they keep them. That's all there is to it. Now let's turn on the PA system and start the fun. Can you hear me, folks?
SPEAKER_17:Who do we have first, Bill? Well, Bob, our first contestant is a consulting engineer who used to play center field for his high school baseball team. Meet Mr. Ronald Hudson of Canoga Park, California.
SPEAKER_18:Well, welcome aboard, Ron. And tell me, how were you out there in center field, Ron? Did you drop many?
SPEAKER_17:No, I've booted a few.
SPEAKER_18:Well, let's hope you're in top form today, Ron, because I'm holding a 21-Joule Venerous wristwatch. How would you like to give it a try?
SPEAKER_16:You bet.
SPEAKER_18:And get ready because he got it. Take a look inside the box, Ron.
SPEAKER_16:There's a what?
SPEAKER_18:Yes, it's a surprise bonus of two crisp hundred dollar bills. Now, Ron, I'm holding a lovely piece of American tourister luggage. Would you like to try for it? Well, I don't know. I'm going to open this suitcase, Ron, and place inside it a$500 Spiegel Catalog gift certificate. How do you feel? Can I ask my wife?
SPEAKER_09:Go for it, Ron! Go for it!
SPEAKER_18:Okay. She's the boss. It's a bit on the bulky side, so you'll have to be pretty agile.
SPEAKER_17:I'll give it a try. Ron had better be agile indeed, because what he doesn't know is that in addition to the$500 Spiegel Catalog gift certificate, the suitcase also contains not one, not two, but three solid gold bars weighing 85 pounds each. And after a 100-foot fall, this baby's gonna carry quite a load.
SPEAKER_18:Get ready, Ronald Hodgson of Canoga Park, California, because here it goes! I guess Ron voted another one. I'm afraid this brand new watch got spoiled in the bargain. Moving right along, it's catch-all time when we'll just toss merchandise over the side, and whoever catches it keeps it. Are you ready? Here it goes! Can you describe some of the action bells?
SPEAKER_17:Be glad to, Bob. An elderly woman has just snagged a sunbeam toaster. Whoops! A Hamilton Beach electric knife has come on point first, I'm afraid, on a man dressed as some sort of vegetable. I think it's a turnip. Oh, there's something. A lady was so pleased over catching a Sears completely immersible electric coffee maker that she failed to notice a plummeting Tappan gas range. Tappan, the leader in kitchen appliances since 1881. Most of the contestants managed to dodge the Amana Freezer, while the year supply of Gaines dog food certainly caused quite a stir. Three couples joined up and made a great try for the dining room set from Ventura Collection by Keller. Two or three more, and they just might have.
SPEAKER_18:There goes the fast bear that announces our mystery package. Remember, this package could contain anything from feathers to lead balloons. So while the contestants get ready, Bill will let the home audience in on the secret.
SPEAKER_17:Today's mystery package contains a dream house. That's right, a prefabricated golden medallion home for the ultimate in total electric living, complete with wall-to-wall carpeting and a real brick fireplace. Altogether, it weighs over 46 tons.
SPEAKER_18:Are you ready? Here it comes. But nobody goes away a loser because everything gets the puzzle.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you so much for listening. Yep. I'm dressed like a turnip. Pats peeps three eighty five. Happy Friday. We're talking national lampoon, one of my biggest influences. As we move on here, we're gonna hear. This is a James Taylor spoof. Done by Tony Sharon and then followed by Monolithic Oil as we continue here on Pat's Peeps 385.
SPEAKER_04:Used to be a rock and roll junkie. Living on the beach in the sand like a clam. But now I'm kind of funky woo. Yes, I am. I'm your Methodon Matron Smash. So Methodon Matin Smash Lays Days I'm gonna spit this scene.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, hello there. I'm Newton Ames talking to you on behalf of the Monolithic Oil Corporation about today's energy situation. You know, if we all just sacrifice a little, we can pull together to beat the current problems of not enough energy. And Monolithic is doing its part by killing most of the birds that nest around our beautiful oil refineries. Birds eat up a lot of food, and as everyone knows, food takes energy to grow and prepare. So the fewer birds there are, the less energy will be wasted. Now, how can you help? Well, if there are any old folks around the house, just set them outside at night. This looks like a long, hard winter, and the fewer people there are, the less energy demand there'll be. Leaving the old folks outside is nothing new. The Eskimos do it all the time. And they know a thing or two about surviving in cold weather without much heat. You betcha. When you drive, don't take your foot off the gas for stop signs, red lights, little children, or anything. A smooth, steady driving technique is the most economical. But the cost of human lives, suffering, and property damage will be more than offset by the savings in gasoline. Well, I hope these tips have helped you become more aware that the blame for today's energy situation is on your shoulders and your conscience and not ours. Monolithic Oil Corporation. We want you to pay.
SPEAKER_14:Hi, I'm Jill St. John, and I am so thrilled to be a guest hostess of this, the very first National Lampoon Radio Hour, I can hardly talk. We have some pretty special guest stars lined up for tonight, and I'll introduce them just as soon as we hear about a new way to keep your bathroom bowl gleaming.
SPEAKER_17:Passbeeps 385. Yeah.
SPEAKER_16:It's primal time. Each of the three following primal screams belongs to one of your favorite celebrities. It might be a politician, actor, sports figure, a well-known radio or TV personality, perhaps someone in the arts. And the question is, can you identify the mystery primals? If you can, you could win$98 here on the Big 98. Listen carefully because the screams will not be repeated. Here's Mystery Primal number one. Number two. And number three. Now let's go to the phones. We have a Mrs. Ellen Berman on the phone. Hello? Hello, Mrs. Berman. Would you mind turning down your radio? That's better, Mrs. Berman. Who do you think is our first mystery primal? Oh, I'm afraid Leonard Bernstein is incorrect. Thank you, Mrs. Berman.
SPEAKER_15:Hello, this is Dick Ballantine, once again, the best looking guy you'll ever hear. And tonight, on our show, the topic is going to be women in government. If you have any ideas or any feelings on this, or if you can give me an idea that I haven't already had already, I'd be thrilled to hear from you. Call the number. You know what it is. I don't want to keep repeating everything. Hello, you're on the air. Hello, you're on the air.
SPEAKER_03:Hello, you're on the air.
SPEAKER_15:Hello. Hello? Yeah. Turn down your radio. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, sure. Turn on the radio.
SPEAKER_15:Hello, you're on the air. Hello? Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_08:Here, honey. Try this.
SPEAKER_02:Hmm, looks like our regular orange-colored frozen substitute for artificial morning breakfast beverage with pulp-like particles added. Wrong, honey. But but look, pulp-like substances, just like the concentrate that tastes almost like fresh. But doesn't cost like the concentrate that tastes almost like fresh. You mean this natural tasting morning breakfast beverage with a flavor almost like fresh squeezed that tastes better than frozen and better than those reconstituted substitutes for artificial morning breakfast drink? Is actually pennies less preserving than those concentrates that taste almost like fresh and have pulp-like substances? Wrong again, honey. Wrong again, honey. Wrong again, honey. Why the fuck don't you stop saying wrong again, honey? And throw this fucking stuff in the toilet and get out there and give me some fucking orange juice.
SPEAKER_05:Hi. We're gonna talk about some nice things today. Did you know that? Sure. Some special things for you. Some special things for me too. And we have a special guest here today. Can you say that? Guest? Sure. I knew you could. We're gonna talk today to a musician, the guy who plays the bass. You know what a bass is, don't you? Can you say that? Sure you can.
SPEAKER_03:Hello.
SPEAKER_05:How are you?
SPEAKER_03:Can you give somebody give me a cup of coffee or something?
SPEAKER_05:You're not used to getting up early. What time do you usually get up?
SPEAKER_03:I usually get up when the sun is warm, like 1 30, 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
SPEAKER_05:I like to get up around 6 30.
SPEAKER_03:You're stupid. You should leave late, man. It's just much easier on your constitution.
SPEAKER_05:We're gonna talk about your base and and how big it is and things like that. It looks like a violin, but it's bigger, isn't it?
SPEAKER_03:It's a hell of a lot bigger. Can you say violence a little wimpy thing?
SPEAKER_05:Can you say wimpy? Wimpy. That's right. Wimpy thing. I like the way you say that. Did you know that?
SPEAKER_03:I do now. The hell you're easily amused, aren't you? I say wimpy, wompy, wambly.
SPEAKER_05:I know what you mean. You know something? I like what your your face does when you play. It kind of gets all sort of squinched up.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, somebody told me once that my face when I play the bass, it looks like some sort of a uh like a big uh jellyfish or something like that. It just keeps moving, you can never identify what the face is. It's real ugly sometimes and real weird looks like a fruit or something like it, it just keeps flashing it and uh rubber or something.
SPEAKER_05:Tell me some of the things you think about when you're playing the the images. Because of course when you're playing I thought of things like sheep and things like that, little uh candies, fresh little candies and things like that. Do you think of that thing, City?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, I I basically think about my financial situation. I can't ever like be that I play every note I play and I figure out how many notes I give in uh into the space, you know.
unknown:Uh uh.
SPEAKER_03:Um for how much I'm getting paid and I am working cheap.
SPEAKER_05:Must be hard to sort of struggle to get your band together.
SPEAKER_03:Oh man, especially when you be lifting piano, man. That is the worst. I I worked as a mover for two years when I first got the band together. And I also I've also made pizza.
SPEAKER_05:But now you're playing music and sort of the story sort of has a happy ending, doesn't it?
unknown:Uh-uh.
SPEAKER_03:Uh it's yeah, it's sort of a happy ending. Uh we just got the show from a record company that promised to pay us a certain amount of royalty and all sorts of stuff went into pre-production and charged us for typewriters, they'd be charging us for stamps they say and stuff stamp, you know.
SPEAKER_05:Sure.
SPEAKER_03:I I buy the goddamn stamps.
SPEAKER_05:Sure, I know what you mean. Well, I'm sure a lot of people out there would like to know how a big, strong guy like you plays the bass so well. Gets to be so strong, what it eats to be like that. Can you tell us that?
SPEAKER_03:Well, I eat a lot of garbage food. But uh I I mainly sustain stuff like sandwiches and tins of tuna. Uh-uh. Chicken, something like that from a chain store. Soda.
SPEAKER_05:Do you ever have egg McMuffin?
SPEAKER_03:Sometimes dad or cheese praise. Can you say egg McMuffin? Egg and muffin. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Well, I know what I'd like to do now. I'd like to hear you play some bass.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I'd like to do that.
SPEAKER_05:Well, we're gonna go to the Magic Kingdom.
SPEAKER_03:Oh no, man, it's too early for me.
SPEAKER_01:I gotta drive. Christopher Gueston, Bill Murray, National Lampoon Radio Hour. Mr. Rogers with the bass player, Pat's Peeps, 385. I can sit and listen to this stuff all day. I it that what you heard there literally is just the tip of the iceberg. Well, not literally. It's this is not an iceberg, and it's not the tip. I hate when you say when I say or anyone who says literally, and it is and it really isn't literally. This is just a little of the National Lampoon Radio Hour. Thank you for all of the great memories, and it really helped to shape my personality. I can honestly say that. I'm a weird mixture of old school jagues, Chichin Chong, National Lampoon Radio Hour, Irish and Horrisable, I don't know. Anyhow, that I love listening as we go out here today. This is one this is a song. They would do a lot of songs. And this particular song is called Deteriorata. Deteriorata, which was a parody of a song called Desiderata by Les Crane. So and this is done by a relatively unknown at the time in the early 70s artist by the name of Melissa Manchester, who, of course, as we all know just became extremely popular, had a great career, and I thought it'd be nice to end Pat's Peeps 385 with this. Sends a message.
SPEAKER_09:You have no right to be I appreciate you listening, friends.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you. Happy Friday. See you on the radio.
SPEAKER_12:Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, and heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys. Know what to kiss and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and distribution, and despite the changing fortunes of time, there is always a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the fabulous. Strive at all times to bend, hold, spindle, and mutilate. Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you. That lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get your feet wet. Fall not in love, therefore. It will stick to your face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth, birds, clean air, tuna, tie one. And let not the stands of time get in your lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call 606-4311. That's a can. Take part amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese. And reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in middle walk. You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here. And whether you can hear it or not, the universe is lacking behind your back.
