Navigating the Sandwich Generation with Grace, Grit & Love

In this deeply personal and emotionally honest episode of Growing Tall Poppies, host Dr. Nat Green shares what it’s really like to be part of the Sandwich Generation—those navigating life while supporting both aging parents and young adult or teenage children. The group of adults caught in the middle, caring for aging parents while still showing up emotionally, financially, and practically for young adult or teenage children.

As the eldest child, Dr Nat reflects on her early conditioning around self-sacrifice and responsibility. When her mother was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, she didn’t hesitate to move back home to help care for her. Now, 31 years after her mother’s passing, Dr Nat has lived more of her life without her than with her—and the grief of mothering without a mother continues to show up in profound ways at unexpected times and continues to ripple through the years.

She opens up about the heartbreak of seeing her beloved stepmum fading to Alzheimer’s and the recent, painful signs that her father is likely walking the same path. With raw vulnerability, Dr Nat describes the emotional toll of being “the strong one,” holding everyone together while silently navigating her own grief and exhaustion. The emotional weight has become very real.

In this conversation, She speaks honestly about the invisible emotional labour, the cost of being the strong one, and the quiet grief that builds when you're loving everyone deeply—but often putting yourself last.

This episode is a powerful exploration of love, loss, responsibility, and resilience—and a reminder that those in the middle are not alone.

If you're in this season too… This episode is for you.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• A heartfelt look at what it means to live in the Sandwich Generation
• The emotional weight of caring for aging parents while raising or supporting adult children
• The ongoing grief of losing a parent young—and the ache of “motherless mothering”
• Navigating Alzheimer’s disease and anticipatory grief with loved ones
• How eldest daughters often carry invisible emotional loads
• The impact of long-term self-sacrifice and unmet emotional needs
• The hidden impact of eldest daughter syndrome and learned self-sacrifice
• How to hold space for everyone… without losing yourself in the process
• Why grace, grit, and love are essential tools for navigating this season of life
• Encouragement for anyone walking this path: you are seen, and You are not alone.

💬 Let’s Continue the Conversation:

If this episode spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you. Message me on Instagram  or Facebook and share the episode with someone walking a similar path.

This episode is a powerful exploration of love, loss, responsibility, and resilience—and a reminder that those in the middle are not alone.

If this episode resonates with you then I'd love for you to hit SUBSCRIBE so you can keep updated with each new episode as soon as it's released and we'd be most grateful if you would give us a RATING as well. You can also find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drnatgreen/ or on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrNatalieGreen

Intro and Outro music: Inspired Ambient by Playsound.

Disclaimer: This podcast is intended for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be deemed or treated as psychological treatment or to replace the need for psychological treatment.

Transcript

Dr Nat Green: 0:01

Welcome to the Growing Tall Poppies Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Nat Green, and I'm so excited to have you join me as we discuss what it means to navigate your way through post-traumatic growth and not just survive, but to thrive after trauma. Through our podcast, we will explore ways for you to create a life filled with greater purpose, self-awareness, and a deep inner peace. Through integrating the many years of knowledge and professional experience, as well as the wisdom of those who have experienced trauma firsthand. We'll combine psychology accelerated approaches. Coaching and personal experience to assist you, to learn, to grow and to thrive. I hope to empower you to create deeper awareness and understanding and stronger connections with yourself and with others, whilst also paving the way for those who have experienced trauma and adversity to reduce their suffering and become the very best versions of themselves. In order to thrive. Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode. hi, Dr. Nat here, and I wanted to welcome you to this week's episode of Growing Tall Poppies, the podcast where we explore trauma, adversity, and all things post-traumatic growth, grief, resilience, and everything in between. Today's episode is a deeply personal one. And I honestly have ummed and ahhhhed about whether to share this information or not. However, I absolutely know that this situation rarely gets spoken about, and yet it's happening to so many of us, so many people, particularly in Generation X. And I know that that is a huge part of our listener base. So today I am gonna share a deeply personal, vulnerable area of my life. And I honestly feel that this really needs to be spotlighted as more and more of us face this situation. And I do not want you to be feeling as though you're facing it alone. Today I am talking about the weight of being part of the sandwich generation. What on earth is the sandwich generation? Some of you might ask. And to be honest, I did not know what it was either until I became part of it and someone called it that. The sandwich generation is a space that many of us never imagined, but now find ourselves firmly wedged in. This is an episode about responsibility, grief, strength, and tenderness about showing up even when we feel like we're falling apart. So what on earth is the sandwich generation? The sandwich generation refers to those of us who find ourselves stretched between two generations, caring on one hand for our aging parents, while also supporting our own children, many of whom are still finding their way in early adulthood. It's a term that sounds simple enough, but living it, it's anything. But we are the ones attending medical appointments with our parents while helping our teens through high school exams and choosing university preferences, managing aged and dementia care while navigating heartbreaks career changes or mental health struggles with our kids. Paying for medications, appointments, managing finances and aged care support while also helping our children with rent, groceries, or therapy. We are sandwiched in the middle between love and responsibility, between holding it all together and quietly falling apart. And often we do it without asking for help because it's what's expected, because it feels like love because we were taught to be strong and because we generally want to give back and to honor our parents for all that they did for us. But what's rarely talked about is the emotional cost of this role. Today, I thought I'd share a bit of background and my journey to today and the reality through my own lens, and I know I'm not alone in this. I'm the eldest daughter, and that role comes with a quiet, unspoken, yet sometimes crushing inheritance. I learned early on that self-sacrifice was love and just what we did as mothers to ensure we could give the best for our kids. That being the responsible one, the reliable one, the fixer was part of who I needed to be. So when my Mum was diagnosed with cancer that had metastasized. There was no question. I moved home, I helped, I managed. I didn't just want to be there. I felt I needed to be there. It was ingrained in my bones, and I treasured every special moment with my mom, and I'm honestly so grateful for the extra time I got to spend with her. And she eventually died when I was 24. And here we are now 31 years later, and I've lived more years without her than I actually did with her. That math breaks my heart and that truth, when I actually take the time to go there still has the power to stop me in my tracks. There were so many moments when I longed for her meeting, the love of my life, getting married, and then what followed was an experience that I was not prepared for becoming a mother without a mother. There's no handbook for that kind of grief. No Checklist for the moments when you wanna pick up the phone and share a first word, a scraped knee, or later on a graduation, the grief doesn't vanish. It morphs. Of course it does. It whispers in the middle of joy at times. It lingers in the spaces where she should have been, and I know that she would've adored our kids. And I know that they would've been so loved and spoiled by her, and I'm so grateful for the amazing friends of my Mum's who stepped up and into and owned that space of being surrogate grandmas to my kids. Like Mums to me, and I'm so grateful. The beautiful relationships that I still have with them as they've moved into their eighties and are still shining stars and guiding lights in my life, I'm so grateful. And we know that life as it does moves forward. And I was. Blessed so lucky in that we were fortunate that my Dad eventually found love again with a beautiful soul who has embraced our family with open arms. She never tried to replace Mum, but carved her own sacred space in our hearts, and she has filled that space with love and care. She became Grandma to our children and we all love her deeply. That kind of love, the chosen kind, it's precious and we have cherished every single moment, but life as it does through another curve ball. And a few years ago we got another diagnosis that you never want to hear Alzheimer's. She has Alzheimer's. Phew. The slow, cruel decline of the person that you love. Watching her change, watching her decline bit by bit has been heartbreaking. Beyond heartbreaking. There are many days where she's still great, whilst others not quite. It's honestly. I can say it's like holding water in your hands knowing that you can't keep it, and it'll eventually trickle through grieving someone who's still alive. It's a different kind of heartbreak and another layer of grief to peel back. And just this week we've heard similar news about my Dad. The memory lapses, confusion, emotional outbursts, all signs point down the same path, and suddenly it's all become so very, very real. The people who raised us who were our anchors now really need anchoring themselves. This is the invisible weight that we carry while we're navigating aging parents, doctors appointments, medication schedules. We're also supporting our young adult children as they step forward into their own futures. They still need us emotionally, financially, energetically. We wanna be there for them. We are there for them. But it's possible that the weight on our shoulders grows heavier with every step. And of course we wouldn't change it, but the toll is real. And often our own needs are buried beneath at all. What is the true cost of the sandwich generation? We don't talk enough about the emotional toll, the sleepless nights, or the burnout that doesn't go away after a good night's sleep. If you're lucky enough to have one of them and quiet resentment. Really can live alongside deep love and guilt. Oh, the guilt that we even dare to think or feel that guilt when we feel like we are not doing enough or doing it all wrong. The marriages that strain under the pressure, the financial strain, the friendships that fade when you just don't have the energy. The dreams we quietly shelved because there's just no time or no bandwidth. The overwhelm that doesn't disappear with a bubble bath or a walk. And yet we show up every day. Every single day because we love them all fiercely. Sometimes that love means breaking yourself a little, hoping that you can glue the pieces back together later. But honestly, that love doesn't mean we have to abandon ourselves. What I've learned, and let's face it, it's always a learning curve and I continue to learn, is that strength doesn't mean martyrdom. It's okay to ask for help to lower the bar, to feel joy and sorrow in the same breath. To grieve what was, what's changing and what might never be. There's no perfect strategy, but here's what I've learned, what's helped me hold it together. And some days that's not real well, but even when it's hard. Here are some tips. Ask for help. You don't have to be the only strong one. Lower the bar. Some days good enough is a triumph. Hold space for your grief. Past and present. Let people in. You don't need to wear the mask all the time. Talk to someone, whether it be a friend, a therapist, a coach, a group who gets it. Just talk to someone. Keep something just for you, even if it's small, in fact, especially if it's small, and acknowledge your humanity. You can love fiercely. And still feel overwhelmed if you are listening and you are carrying all of this too. I see you. You're not alone in this complicated, messy, beautiful burden called life. This episode wasn't about giving you a perfect solution. It was just about sharing the truth that love is messy, that life doesn't follow our timelines, that sometimes the strongest people are the ones silently holding up the world For everyone else, it's about grieving who your parents used to be while watching them slowly fade. For me, and I'm sure for many of you, it's been the ache of not having your own mother by your side as you mother, your children. It's at times resentment and guilt wrapped together, resentment for how heavy it feels and guilt for even feeling it in the first place. It's exhaustion, love, devotion, and heartbreak. Living in your body all at once. If you are in the sandwich generation too, I want you to know you are allowed to grieve, to be tired, to feel joy, to feel lost, and still be enough. You're doing more than you know and your presence matters. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting me share my story today. If you are in this season too, I see you and I want you to know that you are not alone. You are doing sacred work. You're doing the impossible, loving across generations while still trying to hold onto yourself. Please be gentle with your heart. Seek support, speak up, cry if you need to rest when you can. Please don't forget yourself in the process.'cause the middle is hard, but you matter too. If this episode has touched something in you, I'd love For you to reach out, send me a message, connect with me on Instagram or Facebook, and I invite you to share it with someone who you think might need it too. We need to stick together and as always, take gentle care of yourself. Until next time, keep growing tall. Keep shining your light. Even in the hardest seasons. Bye for now. Thank you for joining me in this episode of Growing Tall Poppies. It is my deepest hope that today's episode may have inspired and empowered you to step fully into your post-traumatic growth, so that you can have absolute clarity around who you are, what matters the most to you, and to assist you to release your negative emotions. And regulate your nervous system so you can fully thrive. New episodes are published every Tuesday, and I hope you'll continue to join us as we explore both the strategies and the personal qualities required to fully live a life of post-traumatic growth and to thrive. So if it feels aligned to you and really resonates, then I invite you to hit subscribe and it would mean the world to us. If you could share this episode with others who you feel may benefit too, you may also find me on Instagram at Growing Tall Poppies and Facebook, Dr. Natalie Green. Remember, every moment is an opportunity to look for the lessons and to learn and increase your ability to live the life you desire and deserve. So for now, stay connected. Stay inspired. Stand tall like the tall poppy you are, and keep shining your light brightly in the world. Bye for now