Thriving Amidst Chaos: Esteban Herevia on Leadership, Resilience, and Inclusion

Ever been thrown into the deep end and discovered you can swim - even thrive? That's the inspiring journey our esteemed guest, Esteban Herevia, takes us on. As the powerhouse behind Spokane Pride and Wonderfully Made Spokane, and a Strategist for Health, Justice, and Belonging at the Washington State University Elson S Floyd College of Medicine, Esteban's life is a celebration of courage, resilience and relentless passion for inclusivity.

Esteban's story begins in the vibrant chaos of a Pride Festival, unexpectedly thrown into a leadership role. His recounting of this experience, filled with the exhilaration, the trepidation, and the overwhelming support he received, sets the stage for a narrative of resilience. Journey with us as Esteban takes us through the politics, planning, and the transformative power of organizing such monumental events. 

His story doesn't stop there. Just when the world came to a standstill amidst a global pandemic, Esteban transitioned a vibrant, in-person gathering to a digital platform, injecting creativity and fun into a time of isolation. And yet, it wasn't just about a virtual festival. It was about creating a lifeline, a buoy of hope and affirmation for those feeling alone. Finally, in a heartwarming conclusion, Esteban shares about the robust support system that has been his backbone through the years. Join us for a conversation that's more than just an interview - it's a celebration of resilience, inclusion, and the power of showing up, no matter the circumstances.

Transcript

Cheryl Cantafio: 0:30

Hello, hello, hello everyone. We're back again. This is the you Only Go Once podcast. I am here with my amazing co-host and friend, Eileen Grimes, and today we have a special guest. Eileen, kick us off.

Eileen Grimes: 0:46

Thanks, cheryl. I am so excited to introduce Esteban Herevia, whose pronouns are he, him and his. He's the president and CEO of Spokane Pride, the organization that produces the Spokane Pride Parade and Festival. He co-founded, wonderfully Made Spokane a non-profit entrusted with increasing inclusion and celebration of LGBTQ plus people in faith communities. Esteban is the strategist for health, justice and belonging at the Washington State University Elson S Floyd College of Medicine and he was recognized in the Spokane Cortalene Living Top 20 Under 40 list for 2021. Welcome, welcome.

Esteban Herevia: 1:25

Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

Eileen Grimes: 1:29

Yeah, absolutely, it is a pleasure. I know we're in the midst, cheryl, of this weird almost spring, but not spring weather. I don't know if you're prepared for the next couple of days where we're dropping down very significantly. I'm not really looking forward to it.

Cheryl Cantafio: 1:47

Yeah, we have the same thing in Philly. We call it the 12 seasons of winter. So we're in. I think we're in fall spring, part two. Yeah, we're kind of having the same things. We're waiting for that weather to just plunk. Yeah, terrible. Well, enjoy it while it lasts, right, Enjoy the weather while it lasts.

Cheryl Cantafio: 2:06

Exactly so, esabon, we're really happy to have you here. So you know, clearly you know no small potatoes here I mean CEOs. Spokane Pride wonderfully made Spokane advocate of celebrating LGBTQ people in faith communities all wonderful things. Have you had a moment or event that radically changed how you saw the world and helped foster building some of these amazing things that you've done?

Esteban Herevia: 2:40

Yeah, oh, gosh. I think it's important for me to also make sure that I say like to live the life that I have right now as a dream. It wasn't always like this, and that's definitely one of the things that I recognize is like my 15 year old self. Gosh, I wish he could see where I am now. I think he thought for so long that we wouldn't get the opportunity to experience life like this, and so to be able to do all of this really is like I mean, it's a dream. It's something I never anticipated, imagined, and to get to do it on a daily basis, I really don't take it for granted, and organizing Pride was never on the bingo card of life.

Eileen Grimes: 3:24

Like this wasn't something that I was like.

Esteban Herevia: 3:25

I'm going to go do this Sure. I'm sure we all have those moments of like how the heck did I end up doing this thing? For sure, for sure.

Eileen Grimes: 3:36

Here we're doing that right now. This is the exercise.

Esteban Herevia: 3:45

I would definitely say one of the moments for me was in 2017, I was only supposed to drive a golf cart for an hour at the Pride Festival in Spokane and one of the organizers got injured so he had to be taken by the ambulance away. And I was there when he got injured and he knew that my past experience before Pride in Spokane and kind of before my life here in Spokane was doing a large events and festivals and just really big organizing events in California, and so he went down and he goes all right I'm going to give you all the notes for the day and I was like I'm only supposed to be here for an hour. I'm not supposed to be here for more than that. Oh boy, and it happened, I know. And the day went on and next thing, I knew I was leading the day and helping folks troubleshoot in real time and no context, no idea who anybody was, and I was in the middle figuring it out and working with folks, and I think that definitely for me, was the moment of like.

Esteban Herevia: 4:55

It's important for you to always show up fully present, no matter where you find yourself. Because that had I not. I mean granted, I mean thankfully I had the opportunity in the space to show up and to spend the day there and also, like I think about all the moments of training that I had up until that point and how, even still through this day, now being five years into well, excuse me, three years into leading the organization, five years as a volunteer, now it's, it's just, it's wild how the things that I thought that I wouldn't need or that would not serve me now show up every single day as tools or ways to navigate it. It's, it's wild. And it showed up as a golf cart accident, like it's just, I don't know, it's just funny to me, so interesting because we had so the previous guests we were just talking to last week.

Eileen Grimes: 5:50

So she owns her own company, madman Inc, and they do the like lighting and stage work stuff for celebrity artists and things like that. So and that's what she's she was saying, and she's like I just learned so many things and didn't realize which one of them necessarily was going to be, sort of the thing. But like going in that direction and being open to some of those possibilities sort of you know, it fell into your laps not the right work. You definitely put a lot of work into what you're doing, but sort of the path doesn't have to be. Oh, I was going to do this. This is definitely where I was going from day one. But you know, finding and listening to those things along the way is it's kind of amazing sometimes looking back.

Esteban Herevia: 6:37

Oh yeah, well, like it's, it's. This is. This experience is unique. Like sure, I think a lot of folks see think a private and they think it's a big old party, when in reality, you know you're you're affirming people's lives, you're doing the work of making sure that people survive, and so, like helping folks understand that and translate the experience I think that's also been something to her. Like the, my expectations, even my understanding of the work that we're doing has also just dramatically shifted over the last couple of years of like, yeah, I can throw a really good party and I'm really good at creating a really really good design and aesthetic and feel, but what? Why? What's the deeper thing happening? And it's creating a sense of belonging. So how do we, how do we really make sure that that sense of belonging really is our focus through all the elements that we do? And and how do we have a good time doing it?

Eileen Grimes: 7:30

Yeah, yeah, and isn't that kind of like? I mean, that's life, I mean you can look like you're having just a really great party, but what's the depth to it to? And, oh man, that already gives me a lot to think about. Yeah, it's true, right, so you're, you can have this, this visually great, stimulating thing, but then what is the true meaning of it? And how do we give that in? Whatever we're doing whether it's, you know, through, through the work that you're doing here or in our daily stuff, what is the meaning and value that we're bringing into this world and so belonging is really the piece of that or what you're doing with pride, and how does that translate for you? What do you, you know, how do you kind of go through that and and make sure that you're bringing that to everybody?

Esteban Herevia: 8:16

Oh, it's a lot of crying.

Eileen Grimes: 8:20

Yeah.

Esteban Herevia: 8:22

And so I say that is, I mean you have to do some really deep feeling, right of like. Okay, if I was in this experience with folks, how would this feel to me? Or if I had lived my life and in, okay, let's take, for instance, right like you turn on the news and your trans person and all you hear on the news is state after state saying you can't do this, you can't do that, we won't allow you to do these things. We want to like to do that. How do you, how do you expect to live a life of freedom If all you hear is you can't, you won't, we won't allow, we won't allow, you're not allowed to do xyz.

Esteban Herevia: 8:54

So the moment that someone steps into a pride festival, for instance, and specifically here in Spokane, I want to make sure that I'm taking all of that messaging, all of that, what could potentially be trauma or negative response, and how do I flip it on its head. So that way, at least this one moment, the six hours that they're spending in a park, in our parade, in the festival, that they are very opposite of that, and it may be the first time that they're hearing that. It may be the only time that they hear it. It may be one of the only messages that slips in, where they get to hear somebody say hey, you're worthy, your body is beautiful, you're welcome here. Long here like and and and again. I don't take it for granted, but also like it's a lot and and and again. I think some folks think that my mind is like consumed with, you know, napkins and color and it totally is it, totally is.

Esteban Herevia: 9:50

It's like and I guess I do worry about drag queens and what the drag queens gonna wear it out all plays out but also there's another part of me that's like okay, if we're going to do this, let's do it so that way it has the highest impact possible, like I'm not just going to sit around and waste my time doing something that doesn't actually change people's lives. Because, like you all, like the theme of the podcast right, like we've only got one shot, let's make sure that that one shot matters and counts.

Cheryl Cantafio: 10:15

So I will tell you that I went to Philly's pride parade. I think it was either 2018 or 2019. I know it was like right before the whole world changed with the pandemic and full disclosure. I don't do well in crowds, so that's me it was funny, you know. Okay, all right. I know I really don't you know that actually makes me feel better, because I literally was sitting there going like am I doing here?

Cheryl Cantafio: 10:45

Oh, my God, there's a lot of people, but yeah, it was a moment in time that I will never forget because of all the love that was there and you could feel it and there was a sense of belonging and love and kindness. So the people who I went with one of the guys that was there kept on checking on me because he knew he was like are you doing all right? I'm like, okay, it's actually. It didn't feel as chaotic as I expected, walking in the pride parade as I had expected it to, and it was just a wonderful experience.

Cheryl Cantafio: 11:26

And I think about that often and I also think about the amount of work and working with you know all of the different political aspects there, and I don't mean politics in terms of Democrats and Republicans and independence. I just mean in terms of, like, what do you have to do to get the city permits? What do you have to do to make sure that there's enough, you know, protection? What do you have to do to make sure that you know you have people that make sure that it's a safe space to, to be and to celebrate and that it's not that purely chaotic, like we're going to shoot off, you know, like confetti sticks and all the things, and not have it feel uncomfortable, right? So you know, I applaud you especially to, especially when somebody goes hey, this is all yours, I got to go.

Esteban Herevia: 12:16

I got to go, I got to go.

Cheryl Cantafio: 12:21

And again our person in the last one, her person, I guess I think she went on vacation. She was like, okay, it's all yours, and she was like, um, do you have a minute? Because I was not prepared for this, and they're like you've got it. That's a thing. That's a thing. Right, you must have a I don't want to say aura, Somebody that.

Cheryl Cantafio: 12:43

Start laughing, Eileen, but you just like no no, no, no, but we have had a lot of woo woo in previous episodes, so I'm trying to just keep it. Um, not that there's anything wrong with woo, woo, Woo, woo is good, but you must have a certain um spirit about you that says like oh yeah, this is the guy that I can trust with this. That had to make you feel good. Right, that had to certainly make you feel good.

Eileen Grimes: 13:08

I was like oh then like oh my no, no, no, no, no, look what you've done.

Cheryl Cantafio: 13:15

I mean, you know you're now the head of this and it's, it's a wonderful. Sometimes there are moments in life that you just have to embrace and I think you did that, or I know you did that based on your conversation here. So, yeah, I just, you know, good for you. Um, you know that you did it and that you were brave enough, and especially that you don't like crowds because, that's, you know, that's not great, that's not a good feeling. Um, but you know, did you have people there that helped, supported you, or was it just like oh, it's that guy. Good luck, see ya.

Esteban Herevia: 13:46

No, we. There was 100% people who knew parts of the plan. It was okay, Leave everybody together. But, there were definitely a couple of moments that nobody knew what was going on, so I don't want to. I want to make sure that I definitely say that there was a lot of, a lot of unknown playing out, but there are also definitely other folks. Yeah, I know what. I know what this little part is supposed to be. I know we're supposed to pick up the trash. Great Right.

Cheryl Cantafio: 14:12

Right, right Awesome.

Eileen Grimes: 14:15

Oh, wow, so tell us that. So from that then you, you were handed the baton right. How did you get here now? Was it a series of yeses, a series of this actually now sounds kind of interesting, and definitely what I want to do is what did that sort of look like for you to get to what you're doing right now?

Esteban Herevia: 14:36

Yeah, so my natural instinct is to say no to things, and it's it comes from a place of believing that I'm not good enough for it. So someone will say, hey, I want you to do this thing, and I'll be like, no, no, no, no, why why are you thinking of me? So that next year they were like we want you to do this thing and I was like, absolutely not, I'm not, no, I'm not going to do it. But enough. Things kind of changed for the organization, and then I came back in and helped out as a last minute resort and and then really what's defined? My time has really been COVID and I and I did not anticipate for it too. So as soon as we were at a conference there's actually like pride conferences, where organizers can convene and talk about best practices and what you do- Great.

Esteban Herevia: 15:24

It was. It was awesome. It was probably one of the best experiences I've ever had, and it was. It was two weeks before the country shut down, so we were in San Diego and it San Diego was like one of the first airports to shut down, and so that was like the end of February, and so when we we were the last flight out before gosh really should, it was wild, it was the wildest experience.

Eileen Grimes: 15:52

Yeah.

Esteban Herevia: 15:52

But while we were there, it was just, it was so it was so weird to like have all these ideas, have all these experiences, to like feel like you've got this movement and momentum for building an in person event. And then next, you know it happens and and rightfully so a lot of folks went out of capacity, right? They?

Cheryl Cantafio: 16:11

either hit us there.

Esteban Herevia: 16:13

You know, they were all at home. We all had different reasons for being home. We all had different abilities and things we could do now that everybody was home.

Cheryl Cantafio: 16:21

And so for a lot of folks.

Esteban Herevia: 16:22

They were out of capacity and that left just a few of us left with the organization and it became an assignment for the three of us. All, right, how are we going to do this and how is it going to change and how do we shift it? And so, thankfully, I mean with and again, things in the back pocket that you never think would help out or be a, you know, be the reality. Well, a lot of the video production or a lot of the event production that we did had a video production and live streaming alongside of them. Oh wonderful, I know. So, as soon as, as soon as we recognize that we had to shift everything, I was like oh well, we just do it like it's a live show.

Esteban Herevia: 17:03

And thankfully and I'm in the other part too, that I want to make sure that I say is that my brain is is wild and I have hairball ideas and I go chase them, and so I'm the weird person and Michael's that's like digging through the clearance bin because I'm looking for something really random but it has a purpose for a game or whatever it could be like. I'm not that person who thinks just like, really weird and outside and, yeah, a lot of folks make fun of me because, like you, never know what I'm up to. And when you finally figure out what I'm up to, your like what the heck is it anyways?

Eileen Grimes: 17:35

No, so we need to get coffee, you're our people.

Cheryl Cantafio: 17:40

Yeah, do this a lot, yeah, yeah.

Esteban Herevia: 17:44

Yeah, home good tonight we have a really positive relationship.

Eileen Grimes: 17:47

Love it. I never know what I'm going to yeah, totally yeah, just be open, just go walk in and be open and be open and 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

Esteban Herevia: 17:57

It is what it is, but you never know what you're going to find.

Eileen Grimes: 18:01

Yeah, totally, yep, yeah, absolutely.

Esteban Herevia: 18:04

Yeah, so really just it hope. It was really the moment where I was like, okay, I'm here, this is the assignment that I have right now, how do I maximize what we've got and how do we actually turn it into something. And I'm very grateful that folks noticed a lot of the work that I was doing and I was very surprised that I could pull it together and and so, yeah, just kind of through that, through that time, it was very difficult. It was very, very hard leading a nonprofit while also navigating how to, you know, work from home and do all the things. Like it was, it was tough, yeah, totally. Also, I again figured out okay, how do we make the best of the situation and how do we make sure that we're like thank you to what our mission is and how do we make sure that people still feel it even if they're home?

Eileen Grimes: 18:58

Sure, I mean, that's not just a task, that is like you said. This is really bringing the feeling of it too. It's not just this video, but how do we translate that you're a part of the, even if you're not with us, that you're also a part of this and that we're seeing you even though we can't see you? And I just think that's a whole different perspective. And taking something like that on and thank goodness you kept going, you know I mean others might have not, and they're going to say I have a capacity, Right.

Esteban Herevia: 19:38

Yeah, and the thing I want to make sure that I say is that it's not valiant that I kept working. It's not this like, oh, this inspirational. You know you kept going. No, I had the capacity and I was able to accomplish it. That's what it came down to, and I recognized that for a lot of folks they didn't.

Esteban Herevia: 19:55

And so I'm also just want to make sure that I recognize how grateful I am that, like I had a boss who was like you do what you got to do and you figure it out. And I had a work situation that was like everything's on fire, you figure out how to figure out the fires. Like you go, do what you got to do. A lot of folks didn't have that. A lot of folks had very strict, you know, they had to be at their desk, at their computer for and I'm very grateful that that also worked out where folks were like, yeah, you got to figure it out, you do it in a way that makes sense for you. We believe that you can get the work done. So I'm very grateful that it all, it all played out the way it did.

Cheryl Cantafio: 20:34

You know it's interesting too because it was such a lonely time during the pandemic. So the fact that you had the capacity and you were able to do that, for sure you made a difference in people's lives. You know, obviously now, like we're doing this across a certain video channel right, we are, I can tell you, because our jobs involved sitting in front of a computer for eight hours a day. We're doing things more, like you know, you have to be engaged and present and all that other stuff. By the end of those eight hours you're pretty beat. I mean it's exhausting. So for you to bring something that important with a creative edge, all while you had the capacity. And also there were things on fire. We often refer to the mean with the dog sitting on the bar stool, where, like, everything's on fire.

Esteban Herevia: 21:36

I mean, I think that that was just it's fine, this is fine.

Cheryl Cantafio: 21:40

You know, I think a lot of people felt that way. So these these bright moments in there where you could actually engage with people versus just like staring into a screen. I know I follow a bunch of people on Instagram and there's this one woman that said well, this you know, education through videos really working for my son. He's been staring at the screen. The class ended about 10 minutes ago. So yeah, I mean people are just.

Cheryl Cantafio: 22:08

I know right, so it's such a bummer, but the fact that you were able to find a way to make it meaningful for people, I mean that's on to and I know you're saying it's not a valiant effort, but it's still made a difference in people that were feeling isolated and alone, so that's terrific.

Esteban Herevia: 22:25

Thank you, I appreciate it, really do appreciate it.

Eileen Grimes: 22:29

Yeah, yeah. I never will say I'm grateful for the pandemic. I'm not, and there were things that I learned also through it. And you know, I think one of the things that I saw for myself and from others was there was actually a lot of loneliness even before the pandemic hit, yeah, and it really showed itself when it came to be that we were literally physically alone from other people.

Eileen Grimes: 23:04

You know I feel like a lot. For me, at least, this sort of time has come to be like. Well, what does that really mean for relationships, what does that mean for conversations with other people, and what is the depth that I truly want to have in these conversations and in this life and with other people? I don't know if you've seen any of that sort of in the work that you're doing, but that for me, was one of the biggest sort of lessons, epiphanies I don't even know what you want to call it, but it was like it was kind of lonely, and now I'm figuring out what being connected really means. I don't know if you've seen any of that with either what you're doing or just through your experience with all of this.

Esteban Herevia: 23:50

Yeah, I mean in life, in my own personal life. I got outside of all this work, even for me. I hate playing video games. No, let me. Let me frame it this way I hated playing video games before the pandemic, but now my friends and I we will find any chance to play video games together because we just want to hang out, we just want to be with each other, we just want to Sure. It's different. It feels like our motivation is different. It feels like it's a we're trying to figure out how do we find beyond just being friends, but how do we find common ground and common space to like, share with each other? Like, for instance, as soon as we're done with here, I'm going to go grab Chipotle for the game and then we're going to go play Mario Kart for the next, like rest of the evening, like that's nice, it's just, I know, right, that's awesome.

Esteban Herevia: 24:37

Yeah, it's the feeling of like I want to be connected with folks beyond just the higher text messages or seeing you in the hallway, sort of thing, but then also within the work, like for pride. At least, the biggest example of that was when we came back. You know, you know, you know. So we tried multiple things. The first year of COVID we did an online week-long, virtual, basically talk show where I brought folks in from the community who they would normally connect with and got connected folks and we did drag performances and band-submitted songs and so it was just like this fun variety show basically. And then the next year I was like, ok, people still can't interact, but we have more clearance to gather folks.

Esteban Herevia: 25:25

And so the first thing my mind thought was well, let's do, it's a small world, after all. So everybody gets into their cars and they pass through basically the festival, but it's like everybody cheering and it's a small world, and so you pass through the festival. So we did the arena and we had cars come through and all the different vendors who would typically be at the festival wind up their boots and we're throwing stuff into people's cars and we typically have a petting zoo at Pride and it's a really big hit. And so the petting zoo and listen to this. The petting zoo was like OK, we can't have folks get out of the car, what if we get all the bigger animals and walk the animals through the car so folks can pet the animals from?

Cheryl Cantafio: 26:09

the vehicle. Gosh that must have been so much fun.

Esteban Herevia: 26:13

Oh my, it was so. You had drag queens dancing on cars, you had llamas passing through, like it was just so funny and the and the fact that people believed me and like listen to the idea. I still can't believe it, but like it, it works, it works. Yeah, it was a thing. And so when we came, when we got the clearance to do an in person festival this last year, I was like OK, I'm terrified, but you know, let's give folks the opportunity. And I was really scared of like I was thinking our numbers were going to be low and I wasn't sure. And in 2019, we've served about 20,000 people, 27,000 people at our event in 2020. Or, excuse me, in the very first one back last year, we served 50,000 people.

Cheryl Cantafio: 26:58

Wow yeah, people wanted out Craving that, yeah, that, that craving that. I love it and I also know it takes a lot of energy for that. I and I both know you mentioned Mario Kart. How are the other ways that you recharge after something like this? Because it's got to be? You know, it's like you throw all that energy and it's done and you're like, oh, I think I nap in a cookie, but you know, but how do you do it? Like, how is it that you charge?

Esteban Herevia: 27:30

Yeah, sorry, that's a really good question, because this is this last year was my first round at this level of this amount of folks, and so I'm not trying to make the conversation sad or anything, but I got pretty sick yeah.

Cheryl Cantafio: 27:49

I was diagnosed with.

Esteban Herevia: 27:50

Yeah, I was diagnosed with cancer right around the time that everything started, so I it was very mild, everything was handled very quickly. I was able to get through chemo pretty fast, like I moved through it fairly fast, very, very grateful. So I didn't really get the chance to recover from it. I still feel very tired, but in terms of like how I'm doing it now and how I'm like making the best of it, it really is just hanging out with friends, it's out taking the time when folks say let's go do something, I'm like we're going work.

Esteban Herevia: 28:20

This is going to be the thing, yeah, and like one of the things that I said last year that I wanted to do more of was see more musicals, and so I've been. Like every musical I'm going to when it comes through, I'm trying to go to as many concerts as possible, like really just all of the things that before I would say, well, I'll see it later or I'll get the opportunity to do it later. Like now I'm in the stage of I'm going to do it all, I'm going to see it all, I'm going to try to touch as much as I can, and sure, and and also it does look like a lot of naps. It looks like a lot of resting the other. The other thing too, in terms of like the woo, woo spirituality stuff I really monitor when I watch.

Esteban Herevia: 29:00

So I don't take in. I really don't take in too many intense movies or I don't watch a lot of like gory stuff or a lot of killing, not because it's not interesting to me, but just to maintain a level of like. I want to be present, I want to make sure that I'm like, you know, in in ways that make sense for me, and so I also make sure that I'm like just really being conscious about you know what. What am I? What visually am I taking? What are the meat? What media am I consuming? How do I make sure that I'm like listening to us, positive and, as you know? So I watch a lot of cartoons. I don't people make fun of me for it, I don't really care cartoon network and I have best friends, I don't know, I just play full fun things. And I also am like I said, I'm a wild person and I decided to start my own events company because amazing.

Esteban Herevia: 29:52

Oh things and oh yeah, because I was like I miss playing with color and I don't want to take. I don't want to miss out on just inspiring people's lives through events and design and playing with, with flowers and doing all the stuff. So, anyways, I just decided, like you know what, let's go back into that again. Let's let's have some fun again.

Cheryl Cantafio: 30:12

So really surround yourself with happy. That's great With happy.

Esteban Herevia: 30:16

Exactly, yeah, happy and fun. Yeah, what, what, what? How can I make sure that I'm spending my time doing like? If I'm going to be wasting my time, I want to be wasting and having fun, basically.

Eileen Grimes: 30:26

Totally. I mean, I'm so grateful that you're here, just in general, and yeah, I just so. Much of what you said is you know, we talked to a woman who lost her husband and you know there's just these moments of like OK, I'm still here. So what do I do to keep you know, what do I do to keep going? I'm, I'm, I still have the time to do things. How do I live this on purpose? How do I? How do I really be intentional about all of that? And I actually, when you said the consuming part, I was the same for a while. I was like, oh God, ok, netflix is like suggesting all of the criminal murder shows. I should probably stop that. But when the suggestion piece is like here's this, like no, I need to like. I need some suggestions based on what I should be consuming or want to like allow to be consuming my brain, because it's you are, what you consume, right, and I love that saying.

Eileen Grimes: 31:28

And it's not just food, it's, it's what you see, it's what you read, it's what you, it's the people that you surround yourself with, and I just think it's so incredibly important to to rethink that every once in a while and in what you're putting your mind, or what you're allowing to put your mind into. Yeah, oh yeah.

Esteban Herevia: 31:48

Well, one of the part I again tools that I didn't think I would need to pull out. You know, one of the I when I was going through like this reframing of life for trying to figure out how I was going to choose to live life as I hold her. One of the things that I really wanted to be conscious of was how do I maintain a stance of hospitality for all folks? That was personal work that I was like I want to make sure that this is, this is a value of mine. I love having people over, I love opening up my house, I love spending time with folks. How do I make sure that this practice that I'm, like you know, maximizing the practice, doing the best? I found this book called Radical Hospitality and basically it's these folks who surveyed Benedictine monks and their like understanding of hospitality Random book. It was really funny to find.

Eileen Grimes: 32:39

Interesting.

Esteban Herevia: 32:41

Oh, it's so interesting, but they came up with this concept called Cloister and Community, and so the idea is that in order for us to experience the maximum, like the maximization of community, we also need to experience the maximum of silence and solitude. Oh, you practice the practices, you find solitude. You find not necessarily singleness in terms of like relationship, but you bring yourself to a space or to a level where it's just you intake your thoughts, you're processing, so you remove as much media as possible, and then you practice that for a week or two and then you open yourself up for community and you find what does the community have? And so they do this thing where they go back and forth between what they call Cloister or solitude and they reintegrate back into community. So that's why they'll do vows of silence With this specific group. What they'll do is they'll do vows of loneliness, so they'll put themselves intentionally to space of like solitude. No folks around, it's just them. So that way they go back in, they can illuminate and find new meaning in community or whatever.

Esteban Herevia: 33:53

And so for me that's been another practice that I found to be really helpful, especially after big events is like okay, we just did this, really, really big thing.

Esteban Herevia: 34:03

Now we go back into an intentional space of silence no media, no consumption, no people, and then we let ourselves live there and then, when we're ready, then we move back into the space of like, openness.

Esteban Herevia: 34:17

So, like for in the past, I would take a month, I would take two weeks and just pull up somewhere, not tell anybody where I'm at, go completely MIA, not take any books, nothing, just sit there and then come back out and interact with folks. So that's also been really helpful to all. But the book is called Radical Hospitality. It's a little bit different in terms of it's like thinking about hospitality, but I found it to be so helpful, and especially because I'm generating so many ideas and we're going through so many phases and design and color and you're timing everything and you're making sure that everything hits the right time, and so it just gives your brain also the space to like. I don't have to think about that anymore. I don't have to worry about having the parade kicks off, I don't have to worry about XYZ. So a little bit different practice than comic folks.

Cheryl Cantafio: 35:11

I love that I got to go find that book.

Esteban Herevia: 35:12

That's a it's good.

Eileen Grimes: 35:14

That's really yeah, that's fascinating and it goes to I mean, it goes into this whole concept of balance right Of like instead of continually giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, like there has to be an in and an out and to be able to find that flow for whatever it is that you're doing. Obviously this is an extreme amount. You know, when you're putting on these events and different things like that, you're really it's all the giving, all the going out, and to be able to, to balance yourself, to get that back inwards and to focus and reflect on what you need and and just take the time and quiet, like I think that's so important wherever you are in life. And you know, now, with constant cell phones and social media, and like you're it's like always always going to take that as the other part of the balance that we need.

Eileen Grimes: 36:08

I think it's so important.

Esteban Herevia: 36:10

Yeah, and it's also important to say that this is different from vacationing right, Because vacationing is still it's still an event.

Cheryl Cantafio: 36:16

Yes, yeah.

Esteban Herevia: 36:17

It's still an event. You're moving your body, you're doing all these things, but yeah, it's all, it's all in it and really I mean I sound like a. I sound funny when folks, when I tell folks I don't own a TV, I don't have, like I don't have, any sort of audio device. I mean I do now because for other reasons, but like before I wouldn't have anything that produces noise. So I really only rely on, like, cell phone if I wanted to watch something or hear something. But really I was. It's that hope, it's that hope of like. Okay, if we need to clarify something, to find ourselves in conflict or if we need to feel something like, we're giving our space, the full opportunity to do that. So yeah, a little different practice, but yeah, it's benefited me a lot, wow.

Cheryl Cantafio: 37:01

I've talked to a couple of people now that have basically unplugged from social media, so they've taken like their hiatus from Instagram and Facebook. Definitely Facebook, just because there's just a lot of stuff going on there and it's you know, I mean, I still appreciate Facebook because I can connect with family, but I also appreciate that sometimes you just need to disconnect and have that element versus the what is somebody feeding you and what did the AI hear me say? You know, so it's really, it's really a fascinating thing. Like the other day, I forget I was talking about something and it showed up and I'm like stop doing that. That's weird, you know, it's just trippy. It's just, the whole thing is just trippy to me.

Cheryl Cantafio: 37:51

So I know you talked about, you know, just unplugging and going away and doing stuff like that. Right, who do you consider your support system for when you kind of go away and if you need to come, you know, come back and talk to people. You know, are there people out there who you want to thank? Are there people there that are great that you're grateful for? You know? Just, would you mind sharing a little bit about that? Or, if not, totally fine also.

Esteban Herevia: 38:17

So, yeah, no, I totally would love to share that so we didn't dive too much into my story. It exists in other platforms and mediums so folks can go hear more about where I come from and one of the new stations. I'm very grateful they did a whole segment so you can like we don't get the chance to talk about it here, but if folks want to go listen to it they can just search me.

Eileen Grimes: 38:38

That's the let's Talk episode.

Esteban Herevia: 38:40

Yes, the let's Talk episode. Yeah, yeah. So if you want to go, there's a full 30 minute whole thing where you can hear me share everything. I had. For a long time I had a really hard relationship with my family.

Esteban Herevia: 38:53

We went through a lot as a family. When I first came out to them, I was back with violence from my father, and so I became homeless at 15, and so I navigated life most of my time without a family, and it wasn't until I was about 23, 24, that we all fully reconciled so a little under 10 years, I would say. And now they're like my greatest support system, they're my champions. We talk on the phone almost every day. My father and I. We had the hardest relationship and now, like he, yeah, we. Just the whole thing has completely turned it's. I cannot thank them enough for meeting me in this, you know, stage of life, and they're constantly they've stopped trying to figure out what I'm doing and what I do with my life. They just say, okay, we're here, we'll do whatever you need us to do so I'm very, very grateful that that's reality now.

Esteban Herevia: 39:51

So I really want to make sure that I thank them, my sisters. They're wild and they keep me wild. The three of us are together.

Esteban Herevia: 39:59

Oh, my, the things that the three of us get into is comical, so I'm really grateful for them. And then, and yeah, and then obviously my mother my mother and I, we have a very just our connection is very different. I think we're very similar and so we come together at the best ways and then we also butt heads in also the best ways, because our relationship is funny, and then you have my friends here. The other thing that I'm really grateful for is the. These experiences really clarify who's for you and who's not for you.

Esteban Herevia: 40:38

I think some folks think that there's a lot of benefit in being my friend, or they think that because I do all these things, that there's some sort of glamour or I get some sort of like pay off work. I do all of this for free. I don't do anything for pay. I really show up as authentically as who I am, and when folks recognize or they see that I'm like not out here trying to do this to make a name for myself, or I'm not trying to do this to become famous like I am, folks leave me alone, and I'm grateful for that because I don't. Yeah, I'm energy around, but the folks who do stay, our friendship really does mean a lot. So I've got friends in Portland who drop of a hat. They'll be there and they also create refuge. So the moments when I need to escape the most likely one of their houses- I do have there's only one person in my life who I have allowed in all the weird AI phone things.

Esteban Herevia: 41:41

There's only one person who has my exact location on their phone in all times so they're also very secret and I, yeah, they know who they are.

Esteban Herevia: 41:53

If I hope we never have to reveal who they are, but I'm all for them. And then we have my business partner with the event business, sarah Dixit, and husband Adam. They're just amazing. My friends in Portland are Salise and, oh, bob and Brian and Andra. And then here in Spokane I mean when I say that I'm just so grateful, it's just, it's so wild.

Esteban Herevia: 42:16

So, like Keonta Duncan, if you haven't met her, you need to meet her. She also is another woman that is just. She's the former president of the NAACP. She is a philanthropic, just amazing woman. Her and her wife Sylvia. They've got just crazy stories. They've come from the wildest yeah, just amazing folks who have enriched Spokane so much and they just continue to enrich my lives. And then the other folks with the from the other nonprofits. They support me in a way. So I've got like Rue Ramos and the team at Spectrum Center. They've been really kind and they do a lot for just a lot of the extra lifting. I've Matt Danielson, who's been my right-hand person at Pride. He's been just with me through everything and he's the one. He's my. I'm the first one to like get frustrated and he's the one who's like, okay, calm down. And then I've got my little, I've, we've got our little fun little crew right now and I've got my friends Cole, heather, jade and Julie, and the five of us get into or, excuse me, the four of us get into some.

Esteban Herevia: 43:25

No one, two, yeah, five of us get into, get into trouble all the time but they've been the ones really, and and Cole really this last year has really made sure she helped me with just getting around, making sure that I had everything that I needed, and so she's helpful this last year. So, yeah, I just I'm, I. I want to make sure that I say that growing up in, I grew up in a religious home and they would always say that if I ever came out as gay, that I would live like a life of, you know, sadness and loneliness, and I wouldn't experience fullness in relationships. And I'm so grateful that that's not the reality that I face. Every day that I'm, I get to feel fullness, I get to have friends, I get to experience just a beautiful and wonderful community. So I'm very, very grateful for just everybody and how they show up for me.

Cheryl Cantafio: 44:19

It really, it really does mean a lot yeah, live your life to the fullest buddy, because that's all we've got and it's all we've got, and it's so nice to see the joy in your eyes and the sparkle in your smile, like I. Just you have seen some things, friend, and that is the fact that you are here and you are joyful and you are protecting your space and you are doing all the great fun things. So I also seriously miss Broadway plays. So, and musicals. What's the latest one you've been to, can you just? We went because we got tickets.

Esteban Herevia: 45:02

Oh my gosh, we went and we saw the temptations.

Esteban Herevia: 45:04

One and I was like oh, and it was so much fun, awesome. I don't know what's going on the background, but it was excited to. They were so good and just like, not only the storytelling, but just to hear and this, yeah, just to hear men sing in. You don't we're so I'm in my, in our typical, in our typical Broadway repertoire. You're so used to hearing the woman sing right, which is not a bad thing, and so to have all these men say it was just there were chills all night long and you know the songs and so you're singing and you're dancing.

Eileen Grimes: 45:38

It was fun, awesome, cool, oh my gosh so, um, you know you, I know you talked about how you now have your own events company, which is amazing, and you know, one of the things that we talk about here on the on this podcast is really this we call it that this is happening list, and it sounds like you're kind of addressing most of those things and in the way that you're perceiving life. But is there anything else that you know, that you wanted to try but haven't yet, or anything that you're really wanting to try to experience or bring into your life that is going to be happening for you?

Esteban Herevia: 46:18

I'm saying this one as because I don't know yet. But folks really want me to run for public office if I don't know about that okay, okay, I don't know, it's not that I, it's just so tumultuous right now I don't know if that's like the moment I want to jump in.

Esteban Herevia: 46:35

But I'm saying that because folks are like you should try this thing and I'm like I don't know how I feel about that. The other, I think the other thing I just I really want to dedicate. I'm again, I have the best job in the world, I have the coolest boss that we can see. I'm very, very grateful for the whole setup. But I think I'm also interested in giving the event business just a shot, just seeing what. What could it be like, even if it ends up being nothing, even if it ends up. You know, I just I just would like to try it.

Esteban Herevia: 47:06

I I think I've given a lot of other ventures a lot of, a lot of space, you know, working on behalf of other folks, and so this would be the first like me focused thing or thing that I've like really created myself and so, like I don't know, maybe giving that a shot, we'll see, we'll see how, what that's like. And then, selfishly, I've been single for like 12 years and so I'm also like if am I gonna get the chance to experience a relationship? Not, that's okay, I understand how that will help see all this works, but at the same time I'm like that could be fun to try that out, I'll see that's, that's so what's happening list so speaking of just real quickly on the event side, how can people learn more about your company if they're interested?

Eileen Grimes: 47:54

in working with you or anything like that yes, okay, don't judge the SEO.

Esteban Herevia: 48:00

Right now I'm vamping the SEO hub, so we're a little bit hard to search for, but it's okay, we're gonna get better at it. So it's called via. It's called via hospitality agency and it's basically. We're basically an inclusive event and production company, so our hope is to work with LGBTQ plus couples or people who want to party, and we want to work with folks from all kinds of experiences.

Esteban Herevia: 48:27

But here, specifically in Spokane, one of the things that we learned was that there was only three like event venues that publicly say that they would allow same sex couples to get married in their space. There are no inclusive well, there were no inclusive event planners before us, and so folks would have to fight tooth and nail to even find representation of the places where they got, where they choose to get married. So really, our hope is not only to support couples as they plan their weddings, but also, you know, call people in, call people out, as we need to as well to make sure that as many places are accessible to folks and to identify okay, these are the places where you're gonna go and you can be affirmed in your experience. Also, we one of the things that we wanted to also offer were like coming out party packages. So if someone decided, you know, I want to throw this, I want to do something specific for coming out, we'd be there to help them do that.

Esteban Herevia: 49:26

Or transition party, or you know, whatever it is. We exist really to help celebrate folks. And then the other thing, too, that we really wanted to focus on was just creating an inclusive network of folks. And so if someone came and said I want to get my makeup done and I want to do a photo shoot to whatever it could be, you know, just to celebrate or whatever it is that we'd be able to point them and connect them with folks who could be able to do that. So not only are we doing the organizing side, but we're also doing the connection and networking for folks too. So, via hospitality agency, the website is let's party BB, so let's party baby dot com, and, and you can find us on Instagram at via hospitality wonderful wonderful, it's a lot of fun oh, my guess.

Eileen Grimes: 50:18

Well, those sound amazing and truly. I'm so glad to be able to share that with folks too, especially if you're in this cocaine area.

Esteban Herevia: 50:25

But I assume you might work with people who are virtual or anything like that too, and in case, that's something you're looking for, yeah okay, yeah, oh yeah, we, we, yeah, we're, we're trying to figure out how do we. There's some other folks want to know how to do it on the west side, so we're also trying to figure out how do we replicate, how do we go, but not go too fast. There's just a lot of questions, so, but yeah, absolutely asked about.

Cheryl Cantafio: 50:50

It has been such a pleasure speaking with you today and wish you luck if you decide to dip your toes into the political space, because I know that that can be. That can be a tough crowd, but it sounds like you have an army of people that will come with you and will support you. I hope that you continue to have all the fun in the world and everything that you most definitely deserve, which is joy and happiness and love. Look Esteban up. He's a cutie pie so on that truth, truth, so I want to get.

Cheryl Cantafio: 51:29

What a joy again. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Also, thank you for living your life in the happiest way you can possible, and everybody. This is the end of this episode for you. Only go once. We'll see you next time. Take care, bye.