Understanding What Drives Your Behavior

Understand What Drives Your Behavior: Unlock Personal Growth and Success

In this enlightening episode, we delve into the core elements that drive human behavior and how understanding these can drastically improve your life. The session starts with a share from 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey, emphasizing the importance of the pause between stimulus and response. We explore various triggers that cause reactive behavior and discuss proactive ways to manage high-stress situations. We also cover the power of language in shaping our emotional states and the three key influences on our emotions: body, focus, and language, as learned from Tony Robbins. Additionally, we touch on the drivers of behavior, including beliefs, emotions, environment, past experiences, and basic human needs. The episode concludes with practical tools for shifting behavior and a special announcement about a new coaching program designed to help you earn an extra $2,000 a month. Tune in to gain valuable insights that could transform your personal and professional life.

00:00 Introduction to Understanding Human Behavior
00:34 The Power of the Pause: Managing Reactions
04:10 The Impact of Words on Emotions
06:39 The Importance of Language in Shaping Experience
09:06 Exciting Community Announcements
13:06 Diving into the Roots of Behavior
16:26 Beliefs and Identity: The Core Drivers
20:36 Emotions: Fuel for Action
24:19 Environment and Its Influence on Behavior
26:30 Past Experiences and Conditioning
31:33 Introduction to Basic Human Needs
32:51 The Primal Needs: Certainty and Security
34:30 The Primal Needs: Uncertainty and Variety
36:24 The Primal Needs: Significance
36:54 The Primal Needs: Love and Connection
37:45 The Spiritual Needs: Growth
38:43 The Spiritual Needs: Contribution
40:20 Identifying Your Predominant Needs
42:59 The Pitfalls of Certainty and Significance
46:22 The Fulfillment from Growth and Contribution
49:10 Practical Tools for Self-Reflection
53:06 Shifting Your Behavior for Success
57:11 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Transcript

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this week I am excited because we're going to be covering understanding what drives your human behavior or what drives your behavior in general. So we could all benefit from having a better understanding of what makes us do what it is that we do. And I know that you guys are going to get a lot of value from today's session, so make sure that you are taking notes, take notes as if you're gonna have to teach this information to someone at some point in time. If this is your very first time. Welcome to our community. To get us kick started, we have a share from the seven Habits of Highly Effective People. So here we go. Uh, pause between stimulus and response, pause between stimulus and response. So think about the day ahead of you and anticipate one thing that might push your reactive buttons. And I'm sure we could all relate to this. Uh, whether it's that that boss at your job or maybe some coworkers or maybe your kids, maybe it's your spouse, uh, you know, but we all have people or just moments that, that push our buttons. And it is really, really beneficial to sort of anticipate these, uh, situations that, let's just say trigger you. Because if you anticipate and set your intentions in advance, you're a lot more likely to be able to control yourself when these situations arise. So next is decide now what you can do to be proactive. So sometimes there's just certain things that kind of have a trickle effect. Into why it is that you get triggered. Sometimes it's you, sometimes, uh, we're the problem, right? And we have to be very mindful that let's just say how we communicate or maybe certain things that lead to other people responding the way that they do now, ask yourself, how could I respond proactively the next time? I face a highly charged situation. When people are reactive, they allow outside influences to control their response. When people are proactive, they pause to allow themselves to choose their response based on principles and desired results. So I know for me, uh, one of the things that I, that I am very adamant about is, especially during moments where, um, uh, things are super heated. I know my wife and I, we've had many moments in the past where, uh, conversations will get like super heated and then we'll give ourselves enough time to catch ourselves. Because sometimes. When you are in the heat of the moment and you're feeling some type of way, uh, what tends to happen is your, your lizard brain gets activated. That lizard brain is that, that fight or flight signal that gets kicked in on, in your brain, and it causes you to just kind of react to whatever situation is happening at that moment. But if you give yourself some time, some time to breathe, some time to really reflect and think about what it is that you're gonna say or how you want to respond, you're gonna be a lot more likely to end up with the result that you would prefer. Okay? So definitely important to understand, especially when it comes to leading organizations. They're gonna be so many moments where, uh, people will get the best of you, right? The people that you lead will frustrate you, uh, that your team will frustrate you, and this is definitely one of the best communication tips that I, that I could possibly recommend. So next we have a quote by Stephen Covey, and that is between what happens to us and our response is a space. And the key to our growth and happiness is how we use that space. And that couldn't be further from the truth. We have, uh, so many moments again where, uh, you, you can say things and, and words are interesting because right when it, when it comes to words, many times you, you can't take'em back. And, and that's the thing is you have to be very mindful at what you say. And I, I've been guilty of this time and time again, just saying things in the heat of the moment, feeling some type of way, and then saying something that I ultimately, uh, regret later on. So it is definitely one of the, the most helpful things that you could ever take on is just leveraging that space. All right, we have some more shares, and this is from the book, giant Steps. And this next year is most of us are unconscious in our selection of the words we use to consistently describe our life experience. Often we've adopted words to describe our emotions without ever thinking about the potential impact they'll have on us or others. These words become part of our habitual vocabulary and actually shape the way we feel about our lives. For example, many people regularly use words like humiliation or depression to describe virtually any unpleasant experience, say something they don't appreciate and they're humiliated or depressed question their point of view and they're humiliated or depressed. Everything humiliates or depresses them because they attach these words to almost any experience. It's critical to expand your emotional vocabulary so that the words you select produce the emotional states you desire and deserve. Doesn't that sound familiar? Right. Even if it's not from you, it may be a family member, it may be a friend, but I know that I definitely have been guilty of this throughout the course of my life, just not being mindful enough of the words that I choose. And it is very, very important to ensure that, um, whenever, you know, let's just say you are, whenever you're in a space where, uh, you're describing like whatever it is that you're feeling, you have to have to be mindful at the, the, the way you describe what it is that you're feeling. So for example, like when I was, when I was a kid, I would oftentimes say things like, when I'm hungry, I'd say I'm starving. Right. When it comes to like starving, let's be honest, like ain't nobody on the western side of the world. I mean, lemme not say nobody because it's, it's just very rare to hear about people passing away from starvation on this side of the pond, right? And we're very blessed in that sense. Like in your lifetime, you probably, um, have not heard of, you know, a bunch of people passing away from starvation. And I mean, it definitely says a lot about the progression of humanity. However, uh, we will be quick to say that we're starving whenever we're hungry. And, uh, it, what, what, what happens is that kind of amplifies the actual experience. So there's power in the tongue, of course. So when you say that, you have to be super, super mindful of, uh, how you're amplifying that emotion. Okay. So next we have, how important is language in shaping our experience of life? It is absolutely fundamental, quite simply, the words we attach to our experience. Become our experience. So there's the emotion triad, which I oftentimes speak about, which I learned from Tony Robbins. And the emotion triad is essentially the three things that dictate your emotional state at any given moment. So the three things that influence your state at any moment in time is typically your body or your physiology, right? Your body, your focus, what it is that you're focusing in that moment, or the language that you use, which is super important to understand because the language you use oftentimes dictate the meaning you give to whatever it is that you're going through, right? So you can also reframe language or reframe the way that you perceive what you're going through. Like for example, you could look at life as, or say things, um, as if life is happening to you. Or you can take the the perception that life is happening for you. When you think about it, which one is gonna serve you, serve you more throughout the course of your lifetime, right? When you look at life from the lens of life is happening for you as opposed to, to you, you're going to just naturally feel a different way about life and, uh, when you use specific language, right? So there, there are moments where let's just say you're going through a very difficult season. If you are saying things like, man, I'm, uh, you know, I'm, I'm going through hell right now. Well, think about what you think about when you think of hell. Most people when they think of hell, it's like the worst place on earth or the worst place in general, even if it's not on earth, in the spiritual realm, whatever. But it's not a pleasant, like, just experience. So, uh, you have to be mindful. Uh, it's like people say things also like love is a battlefield, right? Well, if you're saying that love is a battlefield, what do you think the reality is going to be for you whenever you experience any kind of love? So again, words have power. There's power in the tongue, and, uh, you have to be very mindful at the words that you use. You speak life into your situation. Speak life into your family, and that is one of the best things that you could possibly do. Okay, so let's jump in today's, into today's topic. And once again, if you are just now hopping on, uh, you know, let us know what part of the world you are tuning in from, drop a comment. And also we have some exciting things happening within our community. So, um, I am launching in the last quarter of this, um, year. So October 1st, uh, begins the very last quarter, quarter four of 2025. It's crazy to think that we've already have gone through this year, and it's, it's like. Already gone, right? Like, we're literally going into the very last quarter. I feel like we were just starting this year, and I, I don't know about y'all, but for me this year went by super, super fast. And, uh, what one of the things that I wanted to kick off this year that I'm super excited about, we ac we've actually never, uh, released a program like this. And I know typically after years and years of coaching, a lot of people, usually what people struggle with the most at the end of the year or what they're behind on the most at the end of the year is finances. It's probably the number one pain point from the vast majority of people. It's like you set a money goal early in the year and you haven't reached that money goal, you haven't reached that savings, you're not closer to fixing your credit, you're not closer to buying that home, whatever the case it is for you. So this year we wanted to do something very unique for our community and, uh, it's basically for those of you who, uh, ever wanted to be compensated for. Your line of expertise, right? Your, your field of work. Uh, maybe you specialize in something specific and you would love to get paid to teach it. So whether it's coaching, consulting, speaking, things like that. And, uh, this month I'm going to be launching our new program. Uh, that's pretty much set to teach people how they can earn an extra$2,000 a month from coaching, from consulting, from speaking on their respective expertise. So it doesn't necessarily have to be life coaching, it can just be coaching on whatever it is that you specialize in. And a lot of people have so much knowledge, so much experience, but they don't really know how to package that knowledge so that they can actually be compensated for it. And why$2,000 a month? Because the average person. In America, especially with an extra$2,000 on the side, that can drastically change their financial situation. And I do feel like$2,000 a month is attainable for even people at the very beginning, at the very earliest stages of your coaching journey, uh, you can very well learn how to make two KA month. And not only learn how to make two KA month, but actually put it into practice and start building a business right away. So I know that a lot of people are going to get value from this. And um, also, uh, many people, uh, unfortunately are in a very tight financial position. So what I launched this week is, uh, we're gonna be releasing nine scholarships to our Breakfast Club community. So, um, if you want to take advantage of the scholarship, just DM me, the word coach. Hit me up like asap. Even if you get this message late, just hit me up anyway. Sometimes we can work things out for you, but, uh, DM me the word coach. That way I can fill you in on how everything works. Uh, but we're really, really excited. We have our Creators conference happening. Uh, October 11th in the Tampa Bay area. It's gonna be at the James Museum in St. Pete, Florida. And, uh, if you would like information on the Creator's Conference, just DM me the word creator. Or you could even hop over to d creator conference.com and get tons of information on the conference. But, uh, we're gonna be rolling in a lot of people from our conference into, um, our program as well, our mastermind communities and all that good stuff. So, uh, really, really excited to, uh, just kind of go deeper with you guys, help you guys out, uh, with closing out the year strong. So with that being said, let's jump into today's topic and welcome, welcome. For those of you who are just now jumping on, and again, today we're going to be talking about just understanding what drives your behavior as a human being, right? What drives our behavior, why do we do what it is that we do? So think about it. Have you ever caught yourself? Reacting to something and thought, why did I just do that? Or maybe you've set a goal, but for some reason your actions don't line up with what you say you want. We're all guilty of this. We've all been through this, and it is very, very beneficial to have an understanding of why it is you do what it is that you do. Okay? So today's session is gonna help you guys understand the hidden forces that shape your specific behavior, beliefs, emotions, environment, and even past experiences. Okay? So again, take notes'cause you're gonna get a lot of value from today. All right. To get us kickstarted, we have why behavior matters in the first place. So when you think about it, behavior is the bridge between intention and results. Behavior is the bridge between intention and results. I, I oftentimes will say even discipline is the bridge between intention and results because you have to have discipline, but oftentimes. It's easy to do, but it's easier not to do, right? You know, you have to have discipline. You may even know exactly what you have to do, but you still can't muster up the ability to execute. You still can't muster up the ability to be consistent. So it is very valuable to have an idea of, well, what's the underlying reason of why you're not taking action? Okay? So a prime example would be someone, let's just say who wants to save money, but they keep on spending the money. So you know, you have to get your credit on point. You have to save a certain amount of money, be build that peace of mind fund or whatever it is, but you just keep on spending money. Now, understand that the issue isn't knowledge. It's what's driving the behavior, right? It's not knowledge. There's more than enough knowledge. You can get knowledge these days right at your fingertips for free. So remember this, you don't rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems and behavior. Ain't that the truth, right? So you're not rising to the level of your goals. Anybody can set goals, but really what it is, it's your systems and behaviors that really determine whether or not you're going to thrive. So, prime example, a lot of people know about coaching, consulting. Like most people know that you can get paid as a speaker, you can get paid as a coach, but why don't they do it? It's oftentimes there's not systems in place, right? They don't have the right behavior or the, maybe they have limiting beliefs. And, uh, there's, there's underlying reasons on why they don't necessarily execute on it. And this, this is the case for a lot of different business ventures. Many people know all types of ways to earn income for themselves. Their families, but they just can't really get themselves to actually do the thing that needs to be done. So that's what today is all about. Okay, let's jump into the roots of behavior. The roots of behavior. All right. So to get us kick started, uh, these are some of the main drivers. The first one is beliefs and identity. So remember this, uh, when it comes to beliefs and identity, people act in alignment with who they believe they are. I remember my mentor would oftentimes say that one of the most powerful forces in the universe is a human's personality's desire to be congruent with who it believes it is, right? Think about that. There are a lot of people that, let's just say their identity is always looking good, their identity is in their appearance, and you look at these people throughout the course of their life, it doesn't matter how broke they are. They are going to find a way to make sure that those nails are done, that hair is done, or that they don't look washed up. They're gonna do everything in their power to make sure that they look good, because that is the standard that they have them for themselves. Remember, in life, you don't get your shoulds, you get your must. Most people, the reason why they don't get what they want out of life is because the things that they want out of life are more like a should. Well, I should be financially stable. I should live in a better community. I should go and get my education. And you go through your life with everything being a should. And I remember a wise person once told me, uh, you gotta stop shoulding on yourself. Most people are shoulding on themselves because everything is a should for them. But the moment it becomes a must is the moment that they actually execute. It's like if your kids are about to get kicked out of their private school, and that is very important for you. It is a must. You're gonna find a way. Think about it. If your life depended on it, if your, if your children's life depended on it and you had to come up with$20,000 by tomorrow, even if your bank account is negative$10 today, you will find a way. So that's the power of just ensuring that whatever it is that you want is not a should. It is a must. Okay? So think about this. Uh, if you believe I'm not good with money, you're always gonna self-sabotage your financial success because that is a part of your identity. That, or that's just a core belief. It's a limiting belief you have. So it is super, super valuable to dissect your limiting beliefs. Find out what are some things that are ultimately holding you back. Maybe you don't have full conviction or belief around your product, service or opportunity. Maybe it's the company that you're affiliated with, or maybe it's yourself and your abilities. So you have to build that belief around what it is that you're doing or what it is that you're representing. Now, if you believe, uh, or my apologies, uh, you have to, uh, take on this idea of going through an identity shift, right? So an identity shift equals a behavior shift. An identity shift equals a behavior shift. I remember my mentor would all always say, and you guys hear me mention this on the Breakfast Club all the time, that you are who you say you are until you prove otherwise. So if you say that you're a specific person that represents, let's just say, uh, a high ideal, or you have strong character, strong values, you are who you say you are until you prove other. And it is important to make sure that your actions are in alignment with how you say you are. And, and this is why you can, you can reinvent yourself at any moment in time. And maybe your current circle of influence, maybe your friends don't really look at you the way that you may look at yourself. Well, that's the beautiful thing about relationships. You could always upgrade your friend, your friends, right? You could always upgrade, uh, who you spend time with and all that stuff. All right, so, um, with that being said, we have some more amazing shares. Hope you guys are getting value so far. Uh, next we have emotions. So emotions are another main driver. And remember, when it comes to emotions, I mentioned the emotion triad, body focused language. This oftentimes dictates whatever it is that, uh, you know, you're going through in that moment or, or whatever it is that you're feeling in that moment. So, prime example. You oftentimes hear me say what you focus on the longest grows the strongest. What you focus on expands. So if you're focusing on negative things, chances are that's going to produce negative emotions. So emotions are like fuel, anger, fear, excitement. They push action, right? And sometimes these emotions are negative emotions, and it may push action or even inaction. And inaction is also inaction in a sense, right? Because you are still making a choice. If you're just sitting there on the couch and you're deciding to just watch Netflix, right? You're taking action of not doing what you know you should be doing, right? It's still a choice. And what's driving that oftentimes is not necessarily procrastination, right? Because there are underlying reasons why you procrastinate, and it's not because you're lazy. It may just be because you're fearful. You're fearful of going through the rejection, you're fearful of whatever it is that you have to do. The, the very thing that that scares you. I remember there was a, a quote going viral on the internet and it was something along the lines of that the magic that you are looking for is in the, the very thing that you've been avoiding, right? So whatever it is that you want for your life, typically you can, you can get that very thing, but it's on the other side of what you're fearful of. So if you're fearful of rejection, you're fearful of what other people are gonna think, you're fearful of failure, all of that. And really oftentimes, it's not the fear of failure, it's the fear of what other people are going to think or say if they know that you failed. Really, that's what it comes down to. So learning how to. Get over what other people think about you, and it is one of the most liberating things that you could possibly ever do in your lifetime. It's a big, big part of your personal development journey, overcoming what other people think about. I remember at, in the early stages of, of my journey, I, I remember asking a mentor of mine, a business mentor of mine, like, man, you don't care about like, just coming off as like a salesperson and all this. And he was just flat out like, no, I don't care about what other people think about me. And I remember just thinking about that, like, and this was an older guy that was like super established. And I remember thinking to myself like, man, like that's amazing. To get to the point where you really don't give a shit about what other people think about you. Like that is a, a really good place to be one of the most liberating things that you could ever do. And that's one of the things that I preach to my kids because oftentimes, like if I'm asked today in an interview, what's one thing you would've done different? One, one thing you wish you knew in your, you know, at 20 years old. And the very first thing that typically comes to mind is just getting over what other people think of me. And that was, that was a big, big part of my personal development journey. And I, I can tell you right now, the moment you liberate yourself from that, you'll open up a lot more possibility to achieve the things that you ultimately want to achieve. So, very important now, uh, environment is the next one. So, uh, one of the main drivers, again, beliefs and identity, emotions and environment. So our surrounding our surroundings often dictate behavior more than willpower. You guys oftentimes hear me say as well that you have to engineer your environment. You have to put yourself in a winner's world, an environment that's conducive for success. So sometimes that environment is just a high vibrational environment. I like to work in coffee shops because there's just something about working in a coffee shop and being around people who are actively working on things that is inspiring, that is motivating. And I know that whenever I'm home, oftentimes home is like my comfort zone, and I'm typically not in my most productive state being at home. So you have to find an environment that is really, really great for your productivity. That's a big part of the journey. And when it comes to productivity, and sometimes that environment is just being around go-getters, being around people who are ambitious, ask yourself, is your environment ideal for productivity? Now, sometimes it's not necessarily your home, it's just a clutter in your home. And remember, a cluttered home is a cluttered mine, a cluttered mine is a cluttered business, a clut. Life, a cluttered career. So it is very, very important to make sure that you organize your space because if you've got stuff all over the place, it will affect your productivity. Okay, so environment plays a big, big part. Also think about this. Um, when it comes to even losing weight, a lot of you set new year resolutions at the beginning of the year and you wanna lose weight. But if junk food is in your house, it's gonna be a lot harder to avoid it. It's like if you wanna give up alcohol, but you got a full bar, like, think about it, you're kind of setting yourself up for failure yourself, setting yourself up for temptation. So you have to engineer your environment so that it is conducive for your overall wellbeing or for accomplishing whatever your overall goal is. Next, we have past experiences and conditioning, past experiences and conditioning. So remember, childhood patterns often shape adult behavior. Until they are challenged. So there are a lot of things that we do that are essentially just patterns or cycles that we repeat over and over and over from childhood. I was listening to an interview by a really good friend of mine yesterday, a podcast interview, and the guest was saying in her relationship, she was going through the same toxic relationships, and she realized that it was the same spirit but a different body. And she went through, uh, many relationships in the past and noticed that there was a pattern of, uh, codependency. Like she was attracting men that, that she felt like she had to fix or she felt like she could fix, right? Men that were super toxic and, uh, she had to choose herself first. But it was the awareness of that pattern that allowed her to essentially liberate herself from this, this negative cycle. Right. And there are so many things that we do that are linked to our childhood, but you need the awareness. That's the biggest thing. So one of these childhood patterns may be, for example, someone who grew up hearing that money is evil, and they may subconsciously avoid wealth because of this internal core belief where money doesn't grow on trees, right? You hear things about money and you have all of these limiting beliefs throughout the course of your life because of what you've been told by your parents. Now, imagine if you grew up in an environment that actually valued wealth, that it, it, it's a core aspect of their identity. I know in, uh, many Jewish cultures. Uh, you know, wealth is, is looked at at a very high regard. It's, it's like it's actually, um, embedded right in their very culture. And, uh, it's a big reason why, uh, many, many, um, Jewish societies really thrive economically because, um, and there's other factors of course, but, um, it is, it is important that if you wanna build generational wealth, then you have to teach your children and your grandchildren that wealth. Building wealth is a good thing. Having money is a good thing. You can help more people. Money just makes you more of who you already are. So, if you're a shitty person, as a broke person, you're probably gonna be a shitty person as a rich person. If you're a very generous person as a broke person, then you're probably gonna be a generous person. As a very wealthy person, it just amplifies your character. So it is important to remember that money doesn't necessarily make you evil per se. Now, are there cases where people lose themselves as a, as a result of, of building wealth? Yeah, there's some cases of that, right? But there's far more cases of people who lose themselves living in survival. Think about it. What, what draws out the worst in people? Is it having more wealth or is it living in a state of survival? I know for me, whenever I, I've had moments throughout the course of my life where I was in survival mode. It was the worst thing for just who I was as a human being. Like, it is not a good thing to be in survival because everything you're doing is out of desperation and, and sometimes it's going to reflect in the way that you treat people, the way that you go about your business and everything like that. And remember, people smell desperation like a dog smell sphere. You should always have this mindset of always hungry, never thirsty. If you're going about your business in a very desperate way, you're actually gonna repel people away from you. So it, it is very, very important, again, to build from a place of inspiration as opposed to desperation, whatever it is that you're doing. Okay. So, uh, again, money just makes you more of who you already are. And it, it is very, very important to have healthy conversations around building wealth. And it's also about how you make your money, right? Because not all money is good money. It's, it's about making an honorable living and actually providing value to people. Money is typically a measure of how much value you're adding in the marketplace. How many, how many problems are you, are you solving? That's what, that's what money is. So, um, the, the more problems you solve for people, the more people you help, then the more money you could ultimately make. Right? It's like the good old saying by Zig Ziglar, you help enough people get what they want out of life. You'll have everything that you want out of life. Okay? So money is a good thing. It's, it's all about your perspective and having a healthy perspective on it. Now, next is, uh, basic human needs. So this is one of the things that I teach on the most. Uh, a lot of my, my life coaching training came from basic human needs psychology, which was like the, the OG of basic human needs Psychology is Abraham Maslow, which is one of the, the, the founders of modern day psychology. And, uh, when it comes to the basic human needs, the, the thing about it is the more you have an understanding of this, the the better leader you can be. The better of a, you know, community builder or a, the better parent or spouse or whatever. But having an understanding of the basic human needs are super valuable. Probably one of the most powerful things that I've learned throughout the course of my journey. Now, when it comes to basic human needs, there are six predominant ones that I wanna share with you guys. May some of you may have heard of them, maybe not. But again, take some notes because this is gonna be super valuable. Now, if you're getting value, by the way, drop a V for value in the comments. Wanna make sure I'm still with you guys. Drop a V for value if you're still getting value from uh, this information. Now, when it comes to basic human needs, there are, the first four needs are the primal needs. So I like to say that they're the needs of the flesh. The last two needs are the spiritual needs. So these are the needs of the soul. Okay? Now, when it comes to. Your basic human needs. The very first need that we oftentimes need as human beings are the need for certainty and security. So certain certainty and security. We wanna be certain that we're gonna have a, a roof over our head, clothes on our back, food in our bellies, right? And we also want that certainty for our families. So certainty and security. You also wanna be certain that you're going to experience pleasure and avoid pain. That's a big part of just our human nature. So certainty is a big, big part of what drives us as human beings. Now, it's interesting because God in his infinite wisdom, designed us in such a way that as much as we crave certainty, right? And think about it, like many of us crave certainty, and that's why we stay with our job. Because that job may be secure. That job, you may have benefits or a pension, and you want certainty so bad to the point where you're willing to stay at a job that you hate, just to have more certainty in your life, or you're willing to stay in that relationship just to have more certainty because you'd rather settle for the devil, you know, than the devil you don't. Right? You'd rather settle for, um, you know what, this person, they may not treat me the best, but at least I know that this is the worst that it'll be. And this is something that I can manage, right? And it happens all the time. People get comfortable, uh, with, with their situations. Some people will be afraid to move to a new city simply because they clinging so much to certainty and security. So that's the first need. The second need. In God's infinite wisdom, he created us in such a way that as much as we want certainty, we also want uncertainty and variety. So uncertainty and variety. Think about it. If you have too much certainty, ladies, you ever have been with a guy that it's just, he's too predictable, too boring, the same monotonous behavior, like you want a little spontaneity, you want him to shake it up, you want him to spice it up. You want him to just have a little bit more variety. You don't want someone that's boring, right? And vice versa, us brothers too. We don't want a, a woman that is just the same thing over and over and over and over. Like you, you have to be able to switch it up, and that's, that's what creates passion, right? You have that variety and, and that's why it is cool to change your, even, even ladies, like sometimes you change your appearance and that's, that's all your significant other needs, right? Just, just to spice it up a little bit, you know, change up your, your hairstyle, change up your clothes or your swag, whatever it is. But I mean, it goes a long way. And uncertainty and variety. You think about it. We would not have populated the entire globe if people didn't want to explore and see different parts of the world. So it is, it is such a big part of basic human needs that a, a lot of people will do things like, they'll go out of their way just for uncertainty and variety. Like they'll spend their last dollars just to have more variety. You ever have anybody that, or are you, have you ever been the person that was just so bored that you'll take your very last and just, just, I mean, you'll, you'll take your rent money just to be able to do that thing that you think is gonna be fun to go to that concert, to, to go to that event. Right? To take that trip. We've all been guilty of this to, to a certain extent, right? So the next thing after uncertainty and variety is significance. So as human beings, we crave significance. They say. You know, little babies cry for it. Grown men die for it. Like significance is such a big part of who we are as human beings. We all wanna feel unique, we wanna feel special, we want to feel wanted and needed. And this drives a lot of human behavior. So significance. The last of the four primal needs are, is, uh, love and connection. So we want to feel some type of connection. We wanna feel love in our lives. When you think about it, even people that you know, that you have, you know, any like cat people or dog people, and these people have been single for many, many years, but they always got that one cat or that one dog, or just pets in general. That's how they meet their, their need for connection. There are a lot of people that will find different ways to, to meet their need for connection, right? And, uh, some people do it through community. There's a lot of ways to, to have that need met. So those are the four primal needs, the need for certainty and security, uncertainty and variety, significance and loving connection. Now, when it comes to the needs of the soul, right? The fifth human need, the fifth basic human need is growth. So you guys oftentimes hear me say that if you're not growing, you're simply dying. Universal law states that there is no such thing as a plateau. You have the law, the laws of the universe, like entropy, right? You're either in a state of growth or you're in a state of decay. There's just no like staying stagnant. Nothing stays stagnant, okay? So that's why whenever you're in a funk, whenever you feel depressed, ask yourself, have you been growing as a person? Have you been evolving? Have you been really developing yourself? So growth is a big, big part, and that and that. It doesn't even just have to be just you individually. It could even be in your relationship. Is your relationship growing? If it's not, chances are that's why you feel the way that you feel about that relationship. Does this, uh, resonate with you by at all? Like, does this sound familiar? Right. So you have growth, and then lastly is contribution. Feeling like you're making a difference in the world, feeling as if your life truly matters. Like it's not only significant, but it's valuable to other people. Like you're, you're leaving your mark in the world. We all have this inherent need to make a contribution. And oftentimes when you see people who are billionaires that are absolutely depressed, many times it's either they don't have really solid relationships, so they, they may not have the loving connection because they don't have the time to nurture those relationships, but many times it's because they're not, even though they have, let's just say a company that's. Making a contribution. They're not, they're not experiencing it directly all, all the time. Like there are billionaires that'll run this company, but they're not really seeing the effects of their, their contribution. And it isn't until they actively get involved. And sometimes it's philanthropy, sometimes it's just personally involving themselves in projects where they can see a, a significant difference, right? Many people they'll get involved with, with their church. So maybe that tide isn't enough for you, right? It's, it's actively participating in ministry and things like that. So find a way to contribute. And for me, my platform is the Breakfast Club. My platform are the, the coaches or the, the, the coaches that I work with, the clients that, that I coach. Uh, these people, the audiences that I speak to, that's my form of contribution. So the thing about the six basic human needs. That every single person has two predominant needs that have been driving all of their human behavior throughout the course of your life. My question to you is, what are those two basic human needs for you? What are the two main needs that have been driving all of your behavior throughout the course of your life? So I know for me, for example, a lot of what drove me in my younger years was significance. I wanted to feel significance. And a lot of that, I believe was rooted in not growing up with my biological father, being sort of like the black sheep in the family, where all of my sisters that I grew up with, they essentially had their biological father, my stepfather, my dad living with us. Um, and I, I never had my biological father. So going through, uh, abandonment, right? Sometimes that ultimately leads to why you clinging to certain human needs versus others. You may not have had that loving connection, uh, when you were a young child, and that may also be a very reason why you crave loving connection so much because you were so deprived of it. So this is, again, these childhood patterns that sort of, you know, they, they carry out through, throughout the course of your life because you probably haven't healed from some of that trauma that you've gone through. So what are your two needs today? And understand that what your two needs were 10 years ago or 20 years ago, may not necessarily be the two needs that are driving you today. Okay, so today I am driven by growth and contribution. But 10, 15, 20 years ago, a lot of it was significance. A lot of it was even variety, just wanting to constantly do something different. Okay. Now when it comes to the two predominant needs that drive all of your behavior, understand this. There are two that lead to the greatest self-sabotage, and I'm gonna share those two. Can you take a wild guess as to what those two needs are? I'll give you a few seconds to even write it in the chat. What are the two that lead to the greatest self-sabotage? Right? And what are the two that lead to the most fulfillment in life? So the two needs, and, and this is really good to understand because if you find yourself going through self-sabotage, chances are you may be clinging to these needs more than you know, or maybe your significant other, maybe your children. So having an understanding of this super, super valuable, okay? Now the two needs that lead to the greatest self-sabotage are the need for certainty and security and the need for significance. Those are the two. That leads to the greatest self-sabotage. Now, why is that the case? Well, first and foremost, most people, they, they don't control whether or not they personally feel significance, like their, their experience of significance or certainty and security. Security is dependent on external factors. So prime example, if your certainty and security is in your work, the moment that work is stripped beneath your feet, chances are what's going to happen is you are going to feel like the world is collapsing on you. Right? You, you, your whole world is shaken because you clung so much to the certainty in security. And maybe you were years 17 on that job with the whole 30 year plan in mind, and now your department becomes. Redundant and it's, it's no longer needed. And now you don't have that certainty and security. And guess what? It feels like the world is collapsing on you. You don't really know what to do at that point. And you see this happen all the time. So that's, that's just one example. Or maybe you had so much certainty and security in your marriage and the marriage didn't work out and now your whole identity, your whole world is, is caving in. Okay? Now, when you think of significance, most people, their significant is significance, is dependent on whether or not they're getting attention from other people. So think about it, if you're an a-list celebrity and you're hot in this season and everything, the whole world loves you. The whole world admires you. You're, you're in being invited to the red carpet events and all of that. But then after year five, year six, year seven, they're onto the next person. You see this happen all the time. Celebrities will go on downward spirals because their life was so dependent on significance and that significance, that need for significance is also what drove them to become successful in the first place. But eventually you hit a dead end and you get to a place where you start to realize that as long as your happiness is dependent on external factors or other people, you're always going to subject yourself to suffering because you cannot control whether or not people are gonna give you attention. You cannot control all the time whether or not that job is going to hire or fire you. But what you can control is your inner narrative. What you can control are your own personal emotions, how you show up in the world, how you perceive situations. So. Someone may look at losing that career as the world is collapsing on them, but another person with a different mental model of that situation may very well look at it like, well, maybe God is steering me in to a different direction. That's even better. Maybe this is a doorway to greater opportunities. So it's all about how you frame it. It's a big, big part of it. Now, the two needs that lead to the most fulfillment are the needs for growth and contribution. Growth and contribution. Why is that? Because oftentimes, think about it, can you control how much you're growing? Absolutely. Read more books, attend more seminars, get plugged into coaches and mentors and all this stuff. You can. You have active control. It is 100% within your control. You can choose not to grow, or you can tr you can choose to be very intentional about your growth. So that's the first thing. Can you con choose how much you want to make a contribution? Contribution doesn't have to be a monetary contribution. It could just be contribution with your time. It could be contribution with your words, your advice. So you also have control of over that. So most people, they don't really know how to have full control over the primal needs, but the spiritual needs, it's a lot easier to take the bull by the horns and, and dictate how much you're growing and how much you're giving. But the four primal needs the certainty and security variety. Maybe you want more variety, but you don't really have much funds to work with, so you're kinda limited in terms of what you can do, right? Sometimes that happens, but you have to find a way to meet those four primal needs in such a way where, uh, they're, they're healthy. Because some people will find a way to desperately meet those needs, even if it's not in alignment with their values, even if it leads to self-sabotage. So it is good to find ways to meet those needs. So, prime example, if, if you are lacking in love and connection in your life, a lot of people, what they'll do is they'll resort to, like going to the club, going to the bar, hooking up with someone that they, they probably shouldn't be hooking up with. And, you know, they feel even worse. They feel even more shallow, right? Some people will say, you know what, let me join this, this community. Let me join this great organization. Let me, let me join a church, or let me join this, this Pilates group. Let me, let me join this, this yoga group here in the neighborhood or whatever, or this CrossFit group. And they actually find their need for variety or connection in a very healthy way. So it's, it's all about finding ways to meet your needs. In a way that's actually conducive to your overall wellbeing. Okay? So if this is making sense and if you guys are getting value drop a VI wanna make sure you are all still with me. Now, as we get ready to bring this in for a landing, I wanna share with you all how to understand what's driving your behavior, okay? So I'm gonna give you guys some practical tools that you can use. The first one is pause and reflect. So before reacting, ask what emotion is fueling me right now? Is it inspiration? Is it desperation? What, what, what is driving your behavior right now? Right? Maybe it's, it's the lack of connection is loneliness. Sometimes it's, it's excitement, right? But what is the emotion that is fueling you at any given moment? Now also, you can keep a journal. Of your triggers and responses. So maybe you are really working on, on yourself and you need to identify what happened that triggered you. And you could just have a journal. And every single time you get triggered, take some time to reflect on it. Like, man, what happened there? And this can be a huge, huge benefit to just healing and, and really getting better with the way you show up in the world Now. Secondly is ask the why behind the why. Ask the why behind the why. So use the five whys method. And the way the five why's method works is keep asking why until you reach the root driver. So why did I respond that way? Why did that happen? Why did this happen? And you keep peeling the layers of that onion, onion until you get to the root reason on why you acted the way that you did or why did you get triggered? Okay, so that's the five whys method. Keep asking why at least five times. Now. Next we have track your patterns. Notice repeated behaviors. Are they tied to people, places, or feelings? Now one thing I, I learned about myself whenever I got myself in real, like, like a lot of trouble, oftentimes there was some kind of alcohol involved. So that was a big reason why I, I kind of learned like, hey, you have to take control over your alcohol consumption because usually it just makes you a fool. Like there's not that much upside to alcohol, right? It may loosen you up in a social setting or whatever, but it could also lead to a lot of self-sabotage. It can destroy your life. So I, I realized like, okay, whenever I'm out and about, I need to, I need to really have some kind of boundary in place or some kind of limit to how much I allow myself to drink. So oftentimes for me, I'm like a two to three drink max. Like, that's it. And I'm not like mixing, because I, I, I learned years and years ago. Just mixing is not a good idea. Okay. So having an understanding of what leads to that. Right. Also, sometimes it's certain people that you're around, you realize that you, you always get yourself in trouble because there, there are certain type of people, right, that influence a lot of your behavior. Now, should you take full responsibility of your own behavior? Absolutely. But let's call it for what it is. Oftentimes we are influenced by our friends. The, the company that we keep next is challenge your beliefs. So question, is this belief true? Is it something I adopted? Is this belief true or is it something that I adopted? And a lot of our beliefs simply come from the authority figures in our life. Like people who were our parents, our teachers, pastors, all that. Okay, so going back to the practical tools, remember number one, pause and reflect. Number two, ask the why behind the why. Number three, track your patterns. Number four, challenge your beliefs. Now, uh, lastly we have how to shift your behavior. So the first way to shift your behavior is rewire your identity. Okay? I remember hearing that neurons that wire together, or neurons that fire together, wire together, right? So rewiring your entire identity instead of, I'm trying to quit smoking, say, I'm not a smoker. Think about it. It's a completely different statement. I'm trying to quit smoking as opposed to I'm not a smoker declaring it, I'm trying to lose weight as opposed to I'm, I live a healthy lifestyle, I'm a healthy person, and you have to align your self image with the behavior that you want. I remember in, in the early days of my personal development journey, I would read through like tons of core values that I wanted to embody, and I'd read them to myself over and over and over. And these were just core values that I wanted to represent, areas that I wanted to improve, and it really does help. Okay. So align your self image with the behavior that you want. There's a really good book called, uh, I believe it's, uh, psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, I believe is the author. And it's a really great book for just understanding how identity plays such a, uh, an important role in the way we experience life. Next is design your environment. So put healthy food in sight, books on your nightstand, distractions out of reach. It's a big, big part of it. So I know like for example, at a certain time in the night, my do not disturb automatically kicks on and I can't receive, like if anybody tries to call me, like I'm not gonna hear my phone ringing after a certain time. And that's so that I can get a good quality sleep. I don't want to tend to every single alert, even on my phone, I don't get notified every single email that comes in. Okay, I have a, a WhatsApp, my WhatsApp, I don't get notified every single time. Oh, I have to open up the app and then see the messages that come in. And maybe that doesn't work with your line of work, but find ways to really, again, engineer your environment so that it is conducive for your overall wellbeing. Alright, um, design your environment. Next is emotional awareness. So practice mindfulness or breathing techniques to respond instead of react. So whenever you find yourself in those moments where you're feeling some type of way, taking some time to pause, reflect, reflect, go for a walk, breathe if you have to, but just do your absolute best to not react in that moment. Okay? And, and it's okay. Sometimes you really need to just tell that person that you're having a heated discussion with. Like, look, I, let me clear my head real quick. Let me, lemme take some time. Gimme, gimme a few minutes, let me clear my head and I'll circle back around. And that's all you need, just enough time to get out of that lizard brain, right? And use your, you know, your, your, your prefrontal cortex to think logically and rationally about what it is that you're going through. Next is upgrade your circle. So surround yourself with people who naturally reinforce the behavior. That you want. Remember, your vibe attracts your tribe, and you have to surround yourself around people who have what you want out of life. You hang around nine broke people, you're bound to be the 10 you hang around, nine people who are toxic. You're bound to be the 10. It's just the way it works. Nine unhealthy people, you're bound to be the 10th. It's, it's all about the, the company that you keep. Remember, birds of a feather flock together. As cliche as that is, there's a lot of truth to that. So you, you want to be mindful of the people that you are spending the most time with. Remember, even financially, you're going to be the average. Your, your finances are probably the average of the people that you spend the most time around. So you wanna level up your finances, get around people who are doing better financially than you are. Okay? So as we, uh, just close out here, remember, your behavior is driven by identity, emotions, environment. Pass conditioning. Ask yourself this week, why did I just do that? Why did I just do that at least once a day? And even write it down if you can. So anything that you did, ask yourself, why did you do it? And remember, this behavior can be reshaped once you understand the drivers. Okay. So ladies and gentlemen, breakfast is served. I hope you guys got a lot of value from today's session. If you did drop a comment, let us know. Don't forget to like, comment, share, tag someone who can get value from today's breakfast Club session. Uh, thank you so much again for those of you who want more information on our coaching program, helping you to make an extra 2K um, a month from coaching, consulting, speaking, all that good stuff, uh, just DM me the word coach. I could always, uh, set up a time to answer any questions for you. And we also have those scholarships that are available. So, uh, definitely hit me up ASAP before they, uh, you know, run out. And other than that, have a wonderful rest of your week guys. Take care. God bless, and I'll be seeing you all next week. Breakfast is served.