Why You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns (and How to Rewire Your Mind)

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this week we're going to be covering why you keep repeating the same patterns and how to rewire your mind. So today's session was inspired by, this book that I've been reading, and, this book is Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. Now, for those of you who are familiar with the book, this book was actually written 35 years ago, and he just created a revised edition of, his book. The, the, this book has sold millions of copies worldwide. It's a staple in the personal development world, and he just released the 35th edition. So I was really inspired to share some of his concepts that he covered in the book. And, for those of you who followed my journey, you know that I've been, really, influenced a lot. My, life has been influenced in a major way by the work of Tony Robbins. And actually, when I got certified as a life coach- I actually went through his training company to learn his modalities and tools and strategies to serve my clients over the years. So, I really am excited to jump into some of these concepts, some of which that I've been, implementing in my life for a lot of different years. And again, for those of you who are, hopping on for the very first time, you don't really know my journey. I got started in the world of entrepreneurship when I was 22 years young, and when I was 24, I had retired from my six- my six-figure career as a merchant marine captain and went full-time into entrepreneurship. During that timeframe, I had a lot of success in business. I've been very blessed over the years to, have a lot of success, see the companies that I've worked with scale hundreds of millions of dollars. I've built sales teams of thousands and thousands of, sales reps over the years and, have done many different types of businesses and, today, you know, it's, it's amazing because, all these years of just learning so many amazing, concepts, I get to teach it to our, our community and, the people that I serve today. So, for those of you who are on your entrepreneurial journey, for those of you who are, just even pursuing any specific dream, you're gonna get a lot of value from today's session. So make sure you take notes. Class is officially in session, and let's jump into it because the reality of today is most people don't need more motivation, they need new conditioning. There's a major, major difference, and your life today is largely the result of the associations you've built around success, failure, money, relationships, health, and even your own identity. So let's get to it. Think about this. Why do smart people keep making the same mistakes? Some of you identify as a smart person like myself. You identify as a smart person, but you find yourself making some of the same mistakes, right? Now another question, for today's session is: Why do people know what to do but don't do it? Think about that. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you know exactly what you have to do to participate in your own rescue, change your situation, but you simply don't do it? And especially for those of you folks who identify as smart people, like, why in the world can't you get yourself to do these things even though you know exactly what you have to do? And lastly is think about those people who set new year resolutions at the beginning of the year. Why do they fail? So we're gonna answer a lot of those different questions today, and the biggest takeaway is that most people are simply not driven by logic. People are driven by conditioning. We move toward pleasure and away from pain. That is the way we are wired as human beings. Everything that we do is to pursue more pleasure or to avoid pain. And it's interesting because when you think about what drives our, our human behavior, a lot of it, it really comes down to, like, our survival mechanism, and our survival mechanism is constantly trying to pursue more pleasure or avoid more p- more pain, even though in the moment temporarily it may be beneficial. But long term, there are some major consequences, right? So think about this. Why does one person love sales, for example while another fears it? Think about the 90% of the population that simply do not like sales. However, think about how many people want to get into entrepreneurship. A lot of people want to have their own business, but they can't stand sales, and it, it kind of contradicts the, the dream if you are anti-sales but wanna get into business because business is the s- the, the selling of a product or service. So how in the world are you going to really thrive as an entrepreneur if you absolutely despise sales? Now, why is it though that there's those few crazy people like myself who don't mind it, right? And I wouldn't say that I've always been inclined to, to do sales or anything like that. Um, but you, you have to work on the conditioning your, your mindset around things like sales when it comes to business. Now think about this, why does one person enjoy challenges while others avoid them? It all comes down to conditioning, and, um, I'm gonna share a lot of different concepts around this. Before we do that, I'm gonna share some life hacks and fun facts to get us kick-started. So here we go. The very first life hack is change your physiology when you are stuck. Examples could be walk, exercise, deep breathing, cold shower, and the key takeaway is your body influences your emotions. So I tend to find myself in this space from time to time, especially throughout the week. There are just moments where you really do not feel like putting in work. You have zero motivation whatsoever, and one thing that I've noticed, uh, for those of you who, you know, follow my work, um, you, you probably have at some point in time, if you've been to one of our conferences in, in recent years, you may have done yoga with me, uh, or, you know, some type of fitness, uh, session during our, our conferences. We do, uh, a fitness component with a lot of our conferences that we do, and the, the, the thing about fitness and the reason why I'm so passionate about fitness and, uh, a lot of my life was dedicated to, um, just sports. When I was in high school, I played football, I wrestled, I ran track, I played college football, and I've done martial arts over the years, and it's a big, big part of my life. And I, I love the idea of using your body for productivity, meaning- Whenever you find yourself in a space where, uh, you just have zero motivation, you may simply just have to get your body moving. You may have, you may have a lot of stuck energy, if you will. Like the other day, I, I found myself just feeling very sluggish, not motivated at all, and I just, like, literally did some yoga. I stretched out. I, I, you know, did some meditation. Sometimes breathing exercises helps get your nervous system just... It, it fires off your, your brain and your body to, to get that momentum necessary to do what it is that you need to do. And that, that's a big part of it. A lot of people, they try to intellectualize their way to productivity, and it simply doesn't work like that. A lot of people don't know, like, when it comes to the world of personal development, when it comes to productivity, when it comes to peak performance, a lot of it has to do with your physiology. The body keeps the score. If you want to get yourself motivated, learn how to move your body, and sometimes it's something as simple as just going for a walk. It's not, it's not going into the gym for two hours and pumping iron the entire time. Sometimes you just gotta get yourself in motion. Sometimes it's your breathing pra- patterns. Sometimes you may just be dehydrated, and it's more of a dieting issue, right? So what do you have to do today to really get your body in motion, even if it's just starting off small with some stretching? Okay, life hack number two: monitor, monitor your questions. So for example, uh, some bad questions may be, "Why am I so unlucky?" Another one may be, "Why does nothing work?" The better question, right? Even though that may be your reality, that just life is lifing for you, and nothing seems to work, but you have to be very mindful of the language that you use because that very language dictates your state, the state that you're in, which is necessary for you to take any kind of action. So the better question would be, "What can I learn?" Or even what's the opportunity here? I believe, and a lot of your life is dictated by your beliefs. Now, when it comes to just what, what drives a lot of, of what you do in this lifetime, the very first thing is your standards. You gotta set high standards for yourself. When I, when I think about and reflect on, on my life over the last 20 years, a lot of what has driven me simply has been standards. A lot of people who are, are stuck getting to the next level, oftentimes you find that there's, there's this underlying just standard that they have that's, that's preventing them from breaking through to the next level. And when I say standards, I'm talking about not only your standards for your quality of life, I'm talking about the standards for how you allow people to treat you, what you tolerate, your standards for your performance, your standards for the way that you look, the way that you feel, and just simply the way that you live. So that's a big part of it. The second thing really is your beliefs. Your beliefs is a big, big part of it, right? And when I talk about beliefs, I'm not only talking about the beliefs that serve you, but also those limiting beliefs. What do you have to believe to get to the next level in your life? What do you have to believe to fulfill your dream? Whatever that is. That was a big profound question. One of my mentors had brought that up in a recent webinar, and it was a, it was a reminder about the power of belief. On your journey, think about it. What do you have to believe? And you know whether or not you truly believe something based on your actions. Your actions are sort of like the fruit of your beliefs. Meaning, if you truly believe in your dream and you truly believe in yourself- Then you would know whether or not you believe in your dream and yourself based on whether or not you're even putting in the work necessary to bring it into fruition. So belief is a big part of it, and oftentimes what holds us back is the limiting beliefs that we have, right? Our, our BS. Uh, as, as you oftentimes hear in the personal development world, your, your BS are your-- is your belief system, right? So what is your belief system? The third thing is your strategy. So you got standards, you have beliefs, but you also have strategy. Do you have the right strate- strategy for what you're looking to bring into fruition? And oftentimes, I remember my mentor would oftentimes say this, it's, it's not that you don't have the right combination. You may have the right, let's say, numbers to unlock your potential, right? Think of a combination lock. You may have the right numbers, but the right numbers in the wrong sequence will prevent you from unlocking your potential. So oftentimes it's just your sequence. It's the way you go about things. You know exactly what to do But you don't know how to do it, and that's a big part of it. Next, we have life hack number three is celebrate small wins. Celebrate small wins. And this is a big part of the conditioning process. You see, you wanna condition your nervous system to work in your favor when it comes to, let's just say, putting in work for whatever it is that you're, you're, you're looking to do with your life. And the beautiful thing about celebrating small wins is it's conditioning your mind that on the other side of putting in work is a reward. It triggers that dopamine. Those dopamine receptors in your brain are, are being triggered, and that's what allows you to push forward when even when you don't feel like doing it. So celebrating yourself, and it, it brings me back to, uh, when my wife and I, we recently did a, a business challenge probably about a year and a half ago in our business community, and it was all based on the amount of sales that we were bringing in to our business. And one of the things that we were very adamant about was celebrating every single week for the productivity that we put in, and it was always something that we anticipated. We actually looked forward to celebrating. And that s- that small celebration may very well be you giving yourself permission to relax. That celebration may be you going out to get your nails done. It may be you going for a massage or going to the movies or treating yourself to a nice meal at a restaurant. But celebrate those small wins. And there's a difference between, let's just say, uh, celebrating your, your, your small wins directly after versus something far out because sometimes when the reward is too far out, it's not enough motivation to get yourself going in the moment. You may be thinking, for example, "All right. Whenever I, whenever I finally accomplish this one thing, let's say a year out, I'm gonna take myself on a vacation." But sometimes it's just so far out that you feel distant from the reward. However, what if you had something every single day where you are s- always conditioning your mind where at the end of this work, there's a reward at the end? Think about how much more in your favor that, that, that process would work. So again, it may not be the r- the, the wrong, the sequence, uh, or the wrong numbers. It's just the wrong sequence. So you may understand the concept of rewards, but the way you go- you're going about the rewards may be a little bit off So imagine after like let's say you set a goal for today. Uh, with my clients, oftentimes what we do is we set micro goals for the day. And your micro goal for the day may be if you're writing a book, it may be writing 10 pages for the day. Now imagine if you told yourself, "Okay, after these 10 pages, I'm gonna reward myself maybe with some ice cream," or whatever it is. Think about how much more motivated you're gonna be knowing that there's a prize directly at the end. That's what we're talking about when we're mentioning conditioning. And the key takeaway is your brain repeats what gets rewarded. So th- if there's a specific reward, right? Well, maybe the reward is not even after putting in work, maybe the reward is for simply not engaging in negative behavior. So you may, for example, uh, just have a, a tendency to eat sweets for the day, and you're really looking to lose weight. Well, what if the reward came after not eating sweets for the day? So it doesn't necessarily just have to be productivity-based, it could also be prevention-based. You, you're preventing yourself from doing the things that you know you have to stop doing to get the results that you're looking for. So moving forward, we have a few fun facts for you guys. The very first fun fact is your brain creates associations automatically. So for example, you have associations to smells, to music, to places, experiences. You ever smell something and it brings you back like very nostalgic memories? Maybe, I mean, may- it might be the even memories of an ex because you just smelled something or you heard that one song, right? Or sometimes you, you pass by a specific place and it, and it triggers this, this memory. And, and that's because your brain, it automatically creates associations. And think about that, right? What if, what if you can use that to your advantage? There's a resort that I had launched years ago in, in Mexico. It's called The Fives Resort, and we did the ribbon cutting ceremony, uh, to The Fives. And the reason why it's called The Fives is because it creates a very visceral... The, the, the, the premise of the resort is to create a very visceral and experiential K-kind of a, a, I hate to say experiential experience, but they, they find ways to trigger the five senses. So they're taking everything into account at this specific resort. They're taking into account the very smells that you smell. You ever walk into a nice hotel like the JW Marriott or something like that, and when you walk in, they have this, this re- it's not like a typical hotel smell. It, it's like a, like a very rich cologne or perfume, and that's the smell of the overall resort, right? Because they understand that their brand has the ability to create associations. When you think about that resort, you're also going back to the specific smell. Another thing that they take into account is aesthetics. I was just recently staying at my hotel room in Denver, Colorado, and as I was staying there, the, the room was absolutely beautiful. There was so much detail in the room, and this specific hotel chain understands that those little things make the biggest difference. Like my, my bed was even elevated on a platform in the room, and just that one subtle difference. I had a, a bunch of business leaders walk into my suite, and they, they immediately, they're like, "Wow, this is an incredible room," because that specific hotel understands that the brain creates associations. When you think of that specific hotel room, just that one subtle shift of elevating the bed on a platform creates a memory, creates something to talk about. Marketers are notorious for this as well. And when you think about even just touch, I know there's a, a place called Oxford Exchange in Tampa, Florida. And Oxford Exchange, the one thing that I always remember about Oxford Exchange are the napkins that I use to dry my hands in the bathroom. Why is that? Because these napkins, the moment you're drying your hands with them, they're disposable napkins, but they feel rich. In, in, in my mind it's like how is this even sustainable? Why would they spend so much money on, on their, on their paper towels, right? And you see I'm here talking about it, and they wanna have that effect. So this is a big part of the, the overall process. When it comes to, um, what you're looking to create, be mindful of that. What do you want people to experience, and how can you use these associations to your advantage? Fun fact number two, most habits operate unconsciously. So many people are running programs they didn't intentionally create. Think about that. There are certain things, certain habits that simply get triggered because you have a cue that, that triggers that specific habit. So for example, when you get bored, what's the very first thing that you do? Some people will get bored and immediately go to the fridge. Other people will get bored and immediately go to work out. Some people may get bored and immediately just, let's just say, watch, watch Netflix or something like that. Now, think about certain bad habits. Like, you may, you may, for example, let's say drink, and when you drink, you stack that bad habit with eating, right? Happens all the time. And, and the cue really is drinking that triggers the bad habit of eating, let's just say, junk food, and you have to be very aware of these things because if you're not, it's gonna be very difficult to break that specific habit. You have to identify those cues that trigger that habit, okay? It, it could be the same with, with so many different things. Maybe it's, it's a specific, like, bar that you're hanging around, like by your job, and, and the habit is just going for that after-hour drink. After, after a long day of work, you may have coworkers that, that trigger that, right? So you have to find different ways to break that habit, but you don't, you don't eliminate habits simply just by eliminating the habit. You have to replace it for something better. There has to be something that you replace that habit with that can still meet that need. So for example, you may want certainty that you're gonna feel pleasure and avoid pain, and typically, a lot of people will do this, for example, by, let's just say, drinking or smoking or, or eating junk food or sex or whatever. There's so many different ways that you know without a shadow of a doubt that you're gonna get instant pleasure. However, if there's long-term consequences that are, that are negative, you have to replace it for something better. So maybe rather than engaging in those things, there's other things that you can do, like working out. Working out, it may not feel good in the moment, but you always feel amazing after you've done it. And what I find that has helped me throughout my life is even with the Breakfast Club, there are moments, there are Tuesday mornings where I really ain't trying to get up on a Tuesday morning at 5:00 AM. But how do I get myself motivated? I think about how I'm gonna feel after I deliver the Breakfast Club session. Simply just the emotion of feeling fulfilled, feeling like I'm productive, feeling good that I kickstarted my day and I'm productive first thing in the morning. It feels amazing. However, the night before when I'm going to bed at midnight sometimes it really isn't that exciting. But you have to put your focus on the outcome at times, because if you're focusing on the process, then you're not gonna be very motivated to change that behavior, okay? So if this is making sense, drop a V for me for value, if you're getting value so far Okay, and here's the very last fun fact. The brain remains adaptable throughout life. This is the idea of neuroplasticity. So the very last part of your brain to evolve is your prefrontal cortex, and the beautiful thing about the brain is it's very adaptable. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for your logical thinking. So you have a lizard brain, which is your ancient brain. That's the brain that operates off of fight or flight, right? When that, uh, amygdala gets, gets triggered, your fight or flight mechanism, it kicks in, and now you go into a sy- sympathetic nervous state, and that, that was always essential for survival when you were living in-- during tribal times and you had another tribe invading you. Like, you had to really take action, or you run into a saber-tooth tiger back in the day, you had to really kick into high gear to, to survive. However, in modern-day times, doesn't really look like that. Like, times have changed. Stress looks very different these days. It's more like a leaky faucet that's constantly dripping, constantly dripping. You're, you're constantly living in worry and anxiety, and your immune system becomes compromised. Why is that? Because your sympathetic nervous state is always activated because of the stress, because of the worry. When you think about back then, our ancestors weren't necessarily thinking about the bills that they were gonna pay at the end of the month or that expensive mortgage that they have or their car note. It was very, very different. So, uh, neuroplasticity is an interesting thing because as much as we get caught up in our negative patterns of behavior, you also have the ability to change. Neurons that fire together wire together, so you do have the ability at any moment in time to be able to change your behavior, and that's the biggest takeaway for today I want you guys to walk away with. You do have the ability to change. This isn't simply my belief. This is just science. Look up the research. You can change whatever it is that you're struggling with in your life right now, and my hope is by the end of today's Breakfast Club session, you guys are inspired to really change those negative patterns in your life and replace them with things that could actually help you improve your life and bring more happiness and fulfillment to your life. So before we jump into the meat and potatoes of this week's Food for Thought, I, uh, just wanted to offer, uh, to many of you guys, uh, you know, if you jump onto The Breakfast Club, I offer complimentary coaching sessions. DM me, direct message me the word coach if you wanna take advantage of it for the month of June. Can you believe that we are already at the middle of 2026? It's crazy to think that this year has been flying by. And for those of you who already broke your New Year resolutions, maybe you've already put, put them on the back burner and you're way behind on things that you wanted to do for this year, and you need some support. These are complimentary, meaning that they are free, and there's-- my schedule is very, very tight, so, uh, once they're booked, they're booked. If you don't get a chance to get around to it this month, next month may have some openings. So DM me the word coach so I can send you my booking link, and we can get together this week, and I'll be more than happy to support you, whatever it is that you have going on. This has been my most rewarding, uh, aspect of just meeting with our community, uh, throughout the week. The Breakfast Club, we gather together, um... And by the way, The Breakfast Club is an extension of the Journey podcast. On the Journey podcast, you can find tons of interviews by a lot of people that I've interviewed over the years. But The Breakfast Club is, is truly special to me because it's where we gather together with our community. And a lot of you guys I get to connect with throughout the course of the month and support you on your journey, and that's really been the most fulfilling aspect of this journey, has been not only, uh, winning my own championships when it comes to business and life, but also supporting people on winning theirs, whatever that looks like for you. All right. So moving forward, to get us kick-started, I'm gonna cover a framework known as neuro associative conditioning, or NAC. NAC is an acronym for neuro associative conditioning. And the main idea when it comes to NAC is people link pain and pleasure to everything, and you wanna get to a point where you condition your nervous system, you condition your body and your brain to work in your favor and to eliminate those negative behaviors and engage in things that you need to do to really change your life. Okay. So for example, when it comes to your health, a lot of people when it comes to their health, right, they associate pain to hard work. Think about that. How many of you, when you think of going to the gym, you think of it as this daunting, excruciating experience, where it's just, it requires so much motivation. It's so hard. But why is that? Why do you associate pain to something that's so beneficial in your life? Think about when it comes to health how people also experience pleasure by eating comfort food or junk food Right? How, how do you get to a point where you're, you're experiencing pleasure? When you think about it, the very chemicals, the, the ingredients in those foods, they're, they're simply put in there to keep you addicted to it. Whether that's sugar or salt or what- whatever, everything in between, is it's designed to keep you addicted to it. Okay? So how do you eliminate this, this desire for comfort food? Or how do you eliminate the pain that you experience when it comes to putting in hard work, right? When it comes to just gym workouts. Maybe, maybe a good place to start would be stop calling it hard work. Because just the fact that you call it hard work, it's like the word discipline. Usually, there's a negative connotation. When, when people think of discipline, they think of hard, they think of rigid. They think of something that has to be forced. Right? But what if you switch the word discipline for lifestyle? Aren't they kind of the same thing? When you think about it, the things that you typically need to be disciplined in are a part of your lifestyle. And what if you can get to a point where when you think of the things that you have to do, you think of them as things that you get to do as opposed to things that you have to do? Think about just that one subtle shift with, with the things that you get to do in your life, like going to work. You don't have to go to work. I mean, you may feel like you have to because you're like, "You know what? These bills are billing and if I don't go to work, no one is gonna pay these bills." Right? But we live in a democracy, and I, I know that's debatable for some of you guys. You may feel that that's debatable. But we do live in a world where you can simply choose not to. No one is holding a gun to your head stating that, "If you don't show up to work, you're gonna be offed." Right? Like that's not, that doesn't happen in our, in our world. So you don't necessarily have to do anything. You choose to and you get to. It-- So you have to be mindful of the language that you use, and I'm gonna go into that here shortly and how that also affects your behavior. So next thing is think about relationships. A lot of people, they associate vulnerability with pain. They feel like if they express how they feel and be vulnerable and show their soft underbelly, there's pain associated with that. And maybe you associate pain to it simply because you may have had people use that against you. You may have had people in your life, right, maybe even speak your business, and now you're, you're fearful of being vulnerable because of the pain or the trauma that you, you built up from that one experience that you had back in the day. So that's a big part of relationships. Another thing may very well be the pleasure that you attach to emotional protection You may simply be doing things in your relationship just to protect your emotions. Sometimes people are fearful of getting out of a relationship because they'd rather settle for the devil they, they know than the devil they don't. They'd rather settle for certainty and security as opposed to their own self-worth, right? They'd rather compromise their dignity Then deal with the unknown. So this is a big part of it. What if you could link pleasure to embarking on the unknown? What if, what if you could genuinely get to a place in your life where when you embark on the un- unknown, you know that you're on your path of greatness? When you, when you embark on- in the unknown, you, you, you are very aware that you are on the path of possibility and a path of really changing your life. So it's all about association. It's all about conditioning. Now, my question is, what pain today are you associating with your goals? What pain do you have? When, when you think of your goals, what comes to mind? So for me, for example, when I think of my business, when I think of my, my, my business, there was a point in time where I associated pain to reaching out to prospects, to reaching out to potential clients. There was a, a pain associated to that, as crazy as that sound, i- it sounds. Even though I always felt amazing after I reached out, but there was this underlying pain that, that, that I attached to being rejected, an underlying pain that I attached to people, let's just say, ghosting me on my messages or whatever, like when I reached out or them not necessarily wanting to buy my product or service. And the crazy thing about it is it doesn't have to be that way. It really doesn't. What if you got to a point where you actually enjoy the process of building your business? And I had to really reframe the way that I looked at it. So these days, whenever I reach out to people to sell my product or service or to introduce them to a business opportunity, I'm looking at it in- instead of sales, I'm looking at it as service. I'm looking at it like I have an opportunity to change this person's life. This is the moment of truth. And yesterday, it's interesting, I was talking to one of my business partners and he, he spoke about this idea of, um, there, there's some leaders in our business that simply get joy from hearing thank yous, thank yous from people on stage who are being honored for their business success and they're thanking you for having the courage to even reach out to them. Think about that. So sometimes it is important to shift what you're focusing on. Rather than focusing on the rejection, rather than focusing on the work, you have to focus on the prize. You have to focus on how you're going to feel when you are productive, how you're gonna feel when you've-- when you're getting closer to your specific goal The next thing is the force behind human behavior. There's two drivers. Okay? The first driver is avoiding pain. So you may, for example, be staying in your comfort zones. You may be avoiding difficult conversations that you know you need to have. You may be going through procrastination and everything in between. Okay? That's a, that's a big, big part of it. A lot of people simply are avoiding pain and they're not doing the work necessary. One of the things that I've been doing recently, I, I go into these blocks in my schedule, these blocks of time where I call it my deep work, and literally what I'll do, I'll go in my man cave, I'll shut off the light, I'll play some music, and I'll just sit there with my work. Like, literally sit there with my work. I'll have my computer there, and I literally will not allow myself to do anything if it's not product- productivity or anything that's, that's contributing to the work that I have to do for the day. And what I oftentimes find is that just the process of sitting there, eventually I muster up the motivation. Because one thing that I've learned is over half of the effort is simply just showing up Think about it. Sometimes it's not the process of being in the gym that hurts, it's the process of getting to the gym that hurts. It's, it's the fact that you have to look for your gym clothes, and you have to get dressed, and maybe you have to drive through traffic or whatever, or just take time away from your busy schedule to, to go to the gym. It's the process of just getting to the gym. So what if you could just get good at showing up? Just showing up, sitting down with the work. That's what separates amateurs from, from professionals. That's what separates the boys from the men, the girls from the women. You have to get really good at sitting with the work, and sometimes what that looks like is even if it's just you going into the gym and you do absolutely nothing, you'll end up finding out that as long as you get in there, you're gonna do something, right? So avoiding pain is a, a big part of this, this journey. You have to look out for different ways that you avoid pain. Okay? Another thing is gaining pleasure, and the, the human brain is very interesting. So for example, I used to... I used to f- find ways to justify not putting work in because I was doing something else that was beneficial. That's how, that's how tricky the human brain can be. So I, I oftentimes share how my life coach many years ago, she was mentioning to me how I was hiding behind my personal development. So for example, some of you guys, you may be jumping on the Breakfast Club, and you feel so productive and you feel great. You feel like you're growing after you hop on to the Journey podcast or h- after you hop onto a Breakfast Club session and you feel incredible but think about this. Do you ever find yourself in a space where you're doing all this self-help and personal development and not actually doing the work that's gonna move the needle for where you need to be? Move the needle to get you to where you need to be, and that was me. I spent hours on personal development justifying that, "Oh, well, I'm growing. Oh, I'm developing myself." Meanwhile, it was just a, a really easy cop-out to not doing the work necessary. So you have to be very mindful of that. Are you hiding behind the personal development? And, and l- and life works like this in a lot of ways. I've had men, for example, that I've mentored and coached over the years that simply would justify not building their business because, "Oh, I'm spending quality time with my kids." Listen, spending quality time with your kids is important, but when you are the leader of your household, it is just as important to set an example for what work ethic looks like, right? I, I take off at least one day out of a week. Um, Sundays are my days. Sundays are my Sabbath, and I take off Sundays specifically to spend time with my kids, but I'm not about to be spending hours and hours and hours every single day just so that I can be labeled a good father. I believe what also makes you a good father or a good mother is leading by example, is showing your kids what hard work looks like and determination looks like. So you need, uh, you need that work/life harmony. There's no like, "Oh, well, I'm gonna be the very best father or mother," and now you're neglecting your, your career. You're neglecting the very thing that could even help your kids, right? Like, if you get really good at your business, that very business can fund your, your kids' dreams. It could fund their education. It could fund so many different things that they can do. So they all go hand in hand. Next, when it comes to gaining pleasure, a lot of things that people gain pleasure from. So it can be recognition. It can be achievement. Pleasure can even cl- come from comfort, as I mentioned, or success. And the key takeaway is many people unintentionally associate pain with success and pleasure with procrastination. Hello. I'm talking to those of you in the back. Think about that. I'll repeat it one more time for those of you who missed it. Many people unintentionally associate pain to success and pleasure with procrastination, and this is a big thing to understand. And I know a lot of people, especially, uh, the people that I, that I oftentimes coach find themselves drifting towards procrastination. It's like when you associate pain to process, like the very process you identify, uh, as, as being painful, then it's going to lead you naturally into procrastination. That's just the way the survival mechanism works. So you have to catch this. Next, we're gonna be going into the six human needs that dictate all of your human behavior. You guys hear me talk about this all the time. This is the very foundation of my work, is on basic human needs psychology, and I'm gonna go into how it also correlates to the conditioning in your life. So to get us kick-started, the very first human need is certainty. Certainty or, and security essentially is what it is. Now, your need may very well be the need for security, the need for stability, or even the need of predictability. You want to be sure that you're going to experience pleasure and avoid pain. You need the certainty behind that. You need to make sure that the bills are gonna be paid, you have a roof over your head, you have the ability to feed your, your family, right? So this is fundamental to, to human beings. But the bigger question is how are you creating certainty? Because certainty can also be a trap. Think about how many people who never pursue their dreams because they cling to those benefits with that job that they absolutely despise. So they'd rather subject themselves to a life of suffering where they never live up to their potential just because they have this illusion of certainty. Now, think about this. Is any career truly certain and secure? You could be working for government and still not have a secure career or job. You could be working for a Fortune 100 company for 20 years and still not have certainty and security. So you have to be aware that the, the idea behind certainty and security is simply an illusion. And you know what's crazy? Our ancestors didn't live like that. Our ancestors oftentimes didn't even know where their next meal was coming from, but they just lived with a deep knowing, a deep faith, right? That they, they will, when it's all said and done, be fed. Uh, and, and if they just do their work, work works. And it's crazy how a lot of people, they go-- they get into the unknown and they have-- they're, like, debilitated. They have no concept of how to navigate through the unknown, okay? And this is a big reason why a lot of people do get coaching because it, it can be scary when if you cling to certainty and security so much, it's the very thing that becomes the enemy in your life. Because the reality is sometimes your enemy is your inner me. Your inner me, the doubts, the fears, the, the, the certainty that you cling to. But the thing about doing anything great in this lifetime is that you will absolutely have to navigate through uncertainty. You've gotta get good at it. And the, the, the interesting thing, the, the great paradox to human behavior is the fact that as much as we cling to certainty, we also like uncertainty. Think about it. If your relationship, it was the same certain predictable thing every single day, wouldn't you get bored? Or even your job, you've ever gotten bored with a job because you're doing the same thing over and over and over, and you just feel like a number? Right? People crave variety, and that's the se- the, the second fundamental need. And variety comes from your deep need for adventure, your deep need for change, your deep need for excitement. And the big question around that is: Where has life become too predictable? Think about your life right now. Where has it become too predictable? Has it been in your relationships? Has it been in your career? Has it been with your lifestyle? How can you shake things up a little bit? Sometimes to really get that life force, to, to really get that zest for life, you have to shake things up. You have to do different things. Get a little bit of variety in there. Next we have significance. And if this is making sense so far, drop a one in the comments. For those of you who are hopping on live with us, drop a one in the comments if this is all making sense. The next need is the need for significance. We all wanna feel special. We all want to feel like we matter. And there's this intrinsic need for importance, for achievement, for recognition, right? These things are, are really important to the, to the human being. So the big question is: How are you currently feeling significant? How do you go about feeling significant? Some people haven't felt significant since Clinton was in office. Like it's been like since high school days that they haven't felt significant. Uh, the, the, the modern workplace does a terrible job at having people feel significant, at least most jobs, right? They, they don't-- They, they do more criticizing than they do praising What is your, what is your outlet or your, your way of feeling significance? Some people feel significance from being great parents, right? Which is a beautiful thing. You can get significance from your children. Sometimes relationships even struggle because let's just say, uh, a husband got significance from his wife when they were dating in the early days, and then they start having children, and now all of the wife's attention shifts over to the children, and his source for significance is no longer there. And that's why it's so important never to rely on external things for internal validation. You have to be, be very mindful of that. You have to find ways to feel significant that aren't necessarily dependent or predicated on, on whether or not other people provide you with that. This is why a lot of celebrities, for example, they end up going into deep states of depression and alcohol abuse and drug abuse simply because they lost that sense of significance. They c- they cling to significance so much to the point that when it was no longer there, when they were no longer A-listers, they were no longer working on hot projects, they just fell into a deep state of depression. So you have to be mindful at what it is that you prioritize. What, what needs do you hold to a very high regard? The next need, uh, in terms of the six basic human needs, is love and connection. So we all have this deep intrinsic need for relationships, for community, for belonging, especially in today's day and age where a lot of things are being done virtually. You can't replace high touch for high tech. It'll never happen. We need that belly-to-belly, skin-to-skin interaction. You need to get up and close to community. And if you've been struggling with your mental health, and we just wrapped up a mental health symposium a few days ago in, uh... you know, out here in, in Tampa, and, you know, belonging and community is such an essential component to self-care and mental health overall. For those of you who, who've been struggling, like how, how well do you go about your sense of community? You have to get together with people. You can't suffer in silence. And the big takeaway is who are you connected to today? What are the quality of your relationships? Who are you connected to? Whether it's your local church, or it could be your business community, it could be your AA community, whatever it is that's your thing, but you gotta get around other people. It's one of the, the greatest forms of self-care. I think it's, it's not even y- it's not even spoken about enough. Usually, when people think of self-care, they're oftentimes thinking about pampering themselves or, you know, getting enough sleep or dieting and things like that. But when was the last time you, you actually took into account your relationships being a part of your self-care? Like, if you're around a lot of toxicity and drama and people who are constantly gossiping or complaining or giving excuses about everything and why they're not where they wanna be, like, you have to get away from those energy vampires because they will suck the energy out of the li- the very life force out of your life. Get around people who are uplifting, people who fill, fill up your cup. Like, you can't fill from an empty cup, and there are just people in your life that will just take every last drop. So get around people that are filling your cup. That's why it is important to be mindful of the associations that you keep. "Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future," as my mentor would oftentimes say. The next need is the need for growth. Now, we all have this need to learn. We n- we have this need for progress, for development. Some people like to build things, create things. The need for growth. That's why a lot of you guys are here tuning in right now, giving me over an hour out of your day for the need to grow, and this is a big reason why a lot of people tune into podcasts and, and all kinds of personal development. We, we, we always want to grow ourselves. And think about it. Universal law simply states that if you're not growing, you're dying. You're either in a state of growth or in a state of decay. There is no plateau when it comes to growth. You're either growing or dying, so that's why we have such this, such an intrinsic need to grow as human beings. And the key point is, again, if you're not growing, you'll eventually feel stuck. So for those of you who you've been feeling like you're in a funk, maybe you've been feeling a little depressed, maybe you've been feeling a little stuck, ask yourself, "How much have I been growing in this season?" Guys, this is all just research-backed information. Like, this is science. It, it's not-- I'm not even speaking from a context of what I believe. This is human nature. Think about it. Whenever you're, you're at your happiest, aren't you connected to people? Aren't you growing? Aren't you contributing? Which leads me to the very last need, which is the need for contribution. We all have a need for service, a need for impact, a need for legacy. We wanna, we want to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. We wanna feel like we're making a difference in the world And I mean, I, I know from personal experience, even me being here on The Breakfast Club serving this community, I've been doing The Breakfast Club every single week live for over six years, and where's the fuel coming from? Why in the world? Most people do not last this long. There are a lot of people who, who've attempted this, like when the pandemic rolled around, it was all fun and games until the pandemic finally came to a conclusion, right? It finally came to an end, and people just went about their normal lives pre-pandemic, and I kept it going. And the reason why I, I still have all this fuel is because of the need for contribution, helping others through a variety of different platforms, whether it's my podcast, my companies. You know, it could be my community that I, that I serve. Like, being a part of the human experience where you get to serve other people, that's what it's about. When significance no longer fuels you, go to service. Service to other people, right? Service to the many is what leads to greatness. And the, the crazy thing about it is if you truly dedicate your life to growth and contribution specifically, that's where you'll be most fulfilled. A lot of people, what drives them is the need for significance. However, oftentimes that need for significance is dependent on external things. That need for love and connection, it's a powerful need. We all need it. But if it's your primary need, think about why so many people go into depression after a relationship. They lose their sense of connection or their source of love from that specific person. Happens all the time, right? So how can you get to a place in your life where you nurture all six basic needs, whether it's certainty and security, uncertainty and variety, significance, love and connection, growth, contribution? How do you nurture all of these, but keep the primary two predominant needs growth and contribution? Because here's the thing: the more you grow, the more you can give. That's what it, what, what it's all about. So as we get ready to bring this in for a landing, I just wanna answer the question of why people stay stuck. Why do people stay stuck after all of these years? And the, the, the reason oftentimes is because every behavior meets a need And how are you meeting those needs? Are they things that you're doing that are destructive? Right? Because the, the, the key really is finding a way to meet those needs, but in a very constructive way, not in a destructive way. So an example may be very well be some people will meet the need for significance with drama. You ever had that? Like, let's be honest, we've all had toxic seasons, right? And for those of you who feel like you've never had a toxic season, you may very well be the toxic person in the community, right? It's all good. We've all had toxic seasons. I know, uh, growth is a serious thing, healing is a serious thing, but I, I've had my toxic seasons, and the thing about it is I remember my early years, my relationships being so damn toxic because I had trauma that I was working through, and that was one of my ways that I got significance. It was through the drama. It was through the spiciness. You ever been in a relationship that's real spicy, or maybe you were the spicy one? Always stirring things up because it meets needs. Sometimes people feel a sense of connection because if you think about why some people complain, sometimes it's like, yeah, you may be complaining because you need things done around the house, but sometimes people complain simply because that's their way of getting connection. You have people at your company or at your job that simply are always complaining about something. Why is that? Because that may very well be how they feel connected and how they get significance, simply by complaining. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true, right? Can anybody agree? Drop a comment if you, if you've seen this happen. Like, you, you have the complainer in the family, the Negative Nancy in the family, the Johnny Rainclouds in the family that constantly are complaining about something. And they're good people, right? But they don't even realize that they self-sabotage because that's the w- that's the way that they seek their source of significance. Now, think about how many people stay in a really bad job. You probably have been in it yourself, and why is that? Because they may simply be looking for certainty, right? I remember my job when I was 24 years old, I was so nervous about quitting my job to go full-time in- into entrepreneurship. And do you know that one of the biggest reasons why I did not wanna leave my job was because I had really great benefits How many of you can relate to that? You're like, "Man, I've got health," and I didn't even have kids at the time. But it never dawned on me that you could create your own benefits as an entrepreneur. Uh, you don't need a company to provide you with benefits. Like, you could literally set it up yourself. So I was clinging to, to this pension and this 401and, you know, the benefits, and that's how they hook you. A mentor of mine would, would, would say oftentimes that a salary is what they give you. It's the drug they give you to forget your dreams A salary is the drug they give you to forget your dreams. Now, I'm not knocking jobs because honestly, entrepreneurship can be ghetto at times. Like, it really can be very, very difficult, and it can get very uncertain at times and cause you a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety. Uh, so I know for a fact that it is not the path for everyone. However, I do not agree with working a job that you absolutely despise and never leaving that job simply because you're clinging to certainty and security. Okay? At some point in time, you have to take that great leap of faith, and you have to take a chance on yourself. So the question is: What is your current problem doing for you? What is it doing for you? Are you, in a crazy toxic way, getting your needs met? Is that happening? Right? This is a big, big, powerful takeaway. Whatever your problem, uh, is, you know, in your life, whether it's, you know, even procrastination, if that's your big- What is procrastination providing you? Maybe it's providing you temporary comfort. Maybe it's providing you a sense of pleasure because when you procrastinate, maybe you're just Netflix and chilling, whatever it is. Now, how can you replace that for something that's a lot more beneficial and constructive in your life? Next, as we get ready to wrap up here, the power of questions. One of the most powerful takeaways of today's session is understanding the power of questions, because questions control focus. Focus controls emotions. So an example is instead of, "Why is this happening to me?" You can simply ask, "What is this preparing me for?" Right? Instead of why am I struggling, you could ask, what skill am I being forced to develop? You see, one thing that I know about the human mind is what you focus on expands in your life. So if you're focusing on everything that's wrong in your life, everything that's not working out in your life, you're just gonna get more of that because your brain is focused on that. That's the reticular activating system part of your brain. It filters out all of your thoughts and just hones in on your predominant thoughts, what you're worried about, what you're stressed about. But what if you shifted the focus and say, "What's great about this situation? Where's the blessing in it? Where, where, where's the treasure in this trash? How can I create an inspiring message out of this mess?" That's the big takeaway, the power of questions, and that leads me to the emotional triad. The emotional triad are the three main things that dictate the way that you feel at any given moment, and the reason why this is so important is because the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your emotions, your emotional home. How do you feel every single day? Because think about it. Everything that we do is a means to an end emotion we want to experience. I always say that every human being wants the leaf of life, right? The leaf of life. Leaf is an acronym for feeling loved, feeling empowered or ex- excited, feeling a state of being in awe, right? The, the awe of, of life. Have you ever had that moment where you- you're simply in awe? Like, maybe you watch a performance, and you're just blown away, or you're in nature. You feel one with the world. Right? And then lastly is the, the, the, the feeling of being fulfilled. Isn't it true? Imagine if you could live a life where your emotional home was one of which you're constantly feeling loved, you're constantly feeling empowered or excited, you're constantly feeling a state of awe, and you're constantly fulfilled. That is a great life. Now, how do you get there? It all begins with the triad. So the three things that drive the way that you feel at any given moment, it is your body, number one. Number two is your focus, and number three is the language that you use or the meaning that you give to a situation or whatever it is that you're going through. Body, focus, language in, in a nutshell. Now, when it comes to your body, your physiology, right? Your physiology is a lot of things. Your physiology can be breathing. You have certain breathing patterns that determine how you feel in that given moment. So you have breathing patterns, for example, like don't you have breathing patterns when you feel lust, or you have breathing patterns when you're excited, specific breathing patterns, or when you're in a state of being relaxed, you have certain breathing patterns as well. At any point in time, your breathing patterns are directly, uh, affecting the way that you feel. It could also be your body posture. In the world of public speaking, many of you know I, I speak for a living, and your body posture is a big part of how confident you feel in that moment. So how, how good is your body posture? And then overall movement, and this is why I- I'm such an advocate for things like stretching, breathing, yoga, whatever, exercising, weightlifting, all of that, uh, definitely helps. A body in motion stays in motion. The next thing is focus. What you are paying attention to. Focus. So you can be focusing on problems, or you can be focusing on opportunities. Think about it. If all of your time is just spent on focusing on the problems, you're probably gonna get more problems or not feel so great. But if you're constantly focusing on opportunities, that's where you get that life force. You get that, that chi energy, if you will right? You get the Holy Spirit, where it's just like, "Man, I am excited, I'm inspired, I'm moved." You could also be focused on things that you're grateful for, and here's the beautiful thing about the human mind. Two thoughts cannot occupy the mind simultaneously. You can't be thinking about things that you're grateful for while simultaneously feeling sad or depressed. It doesn't work that way. That's why gratitude is such a powerful anchor. My biggest recommendation, and I do this in my household, is before every meal, I pray, and oftentimes my prayer simply is just gratitude. Thanking God, thanking everyone from the farmer to the cooker, right? Like, everybody involved in the process of me being able to have that meal, and we take that for granted. Think about it. Our ancestors, like, they had to hunt, and they didn't eat three meals a day. I, I don't know if you guys realize that. Like, they didn't have, like, a breakfast, lunch, and dinner situation going on. Fasting was a everyday part of our ancestors' lives. They, they fasted out of necessity. Like, they had to fast because those meals just weren't coming to them. But today, you can get food from anywhere. Food is just easily at our... Just it, it's, it's, it's, it's at our fingertips at any given moment. It's so easy to get fo- I mean, you can literally go on an app and within five minutes order food and have your food delivered to you in less than 15 minutes. How crazy is that? Right? But we take that for granted. How, how many people were involved in the process of you h- being able to even eat that meal? There were farmer, farmers, there were longshoremen and, and merchant mariners that sailed the oceans to bring and ship that food to you. There were cashiers and, and people who stocked the shelves and the, the, the delivery person that brought it to you and, and so many people, right? Like, we really take that for granted, but imagine if you can anchor in gratitude every single day, where you're just simply grateful for life, and you live in that space, and this is what happens. Remember, you're not necessarily attracting your thoughts, you're attracting your emotions. Emotions are energy in motion. You're attracting your emotions, so if you're in a state of gratitude- If it is true that you're constantly attracting emotions, and this is science, right? You can look it up. Um, it's amazing. You have a magnetic field around your body. Your, your body and your brain, there's this, this field of energy that, that permeates from you, and those emotions have the ability to draw things to you. And if you're in a state of gratitude, you're going to attract more things that create more gratitude in your life. That's why it's important to have an emotional home of gratitude. And lastly, we have language, or also meaning. Language could be the meaning you give to something. So an example would be the story you tell yourself, and that story could be the meaning of, "I am failing." Think about the language of, of that. "I am failing." And it's almost like you're, you're even owning it. "I am failing." It's like you are attaching the wo- the words "I am," which is the most powerful statement in the universe. Like to say, "I am," it's, it's like when creation came into existence. I am that I am. You have to be mindful at what you attach "I am" to. So if you're stating, "I am failing," think about how, how negative that feels as opposed to, "I am growing," or, "I am strong. I am confident." So the same... It could be the same event, like where you, you, you're, you feel like you're failing, right? But isn't it true that you could also be growing simultaneously because you're learning things in the process? You're growing, you're becoming more resilient, you're developing skills. Same event, different outcome, and that outcome is the way that you feel about that very moment. So that's the power of, of language and the meaning you associate to whatever it is that you're going through. And I love the saying, "You never wanna say something about yourself that you don't want to be true." Never say something about yourself that you don't wanna be true. So rather than saying, "I am a procrastinator," you could just say, "I'm working on getting better with my time." Same exact situation, different outcome, different way that you feel about it. So to conclude, identity, the ultimate lever when it comes to human behavior, and the biggest takeaway when it comes to identity, right? So to wrap everything up for you in a nutshell is people act consistently with who they believe they are. It's a big part of standards, which I mentioned earlier. People act consistently with who they believe they are. My great mentor would oftentimes say, and you guys hear me m- repeat his words all the time, "You are who you say you are until you prove otherwise." Another one of my mentors would always say the, the most powerful force in the universe is the human's personality's desire to be congruent with who it believes it is. So an example of identity could be I'm not disciplined, or I'm bad with money, or I'm not a leader, versus I'm the kind of person who finishes what they start, solves problems, takes action. Many of you will hear me affirm or just kinda joke around saying I'm a certified trigger puller. I'm a certified trigger puller, meaning that I take action. I'm not gonna sit there and you know, be, be shaking with the, with the pistol. No, I'm going to-- I'm gonna pull the trigger on what needs to be done for the day. And I, and I'll constantly repeat this to really reinforce it as part of my identity, someone who takes action. And the key takeaway when it comes to identity is that it drives behavior more than goals. So you may have a goal, but what is your identity? Because that's ultimately going to dictate where you end up in this lifetime. Remember, it's standards, it's beliefs, and it's strategy. SBS, okay? Stop BS'ing. That's how you remember that acronym. That the first S is standards. What is your standards for yourself? This is a big part of your identity. Then your beliefs. What do you believe about yourself? What do you believe about your opportunity, your dream? What do you believe about life, right? And then what is your strategy to really participate in your own rescue and really change your, your circumstances? So again, as we wrap up here, a few questions that I wanna ask you guys. What a- what area of your life needs new conditioning? It could be your fitness. It could be your beliefs around money. It could be your beliefs around relationships. But think about the areas of your life that are causing you pain at the moment, and how can you condition those areas based off of what you learned today? Another question is, what beliefs are no longer serving you? What beliefs are no longer serving you? This is a big, big part of it, okay? Remember, beliefs, your limiting beliefs that you've been holding onto What pain have you attached to growth? Some of you attach growth to pain because you're thinking of the uncertainty or you, you fear not necessarily failure, but you fear success. You fear, "Well, can I handle it? What will my family think about me? Will I lose loved ones?" A lot of people fear success. Another one is, what pleasure have you attached to staying the same? What pleasure have you attached to staying the same? A lot of people will stay the same. They say misery loves company. Birds of a feather flock together. Your vibe attracts your tribe, and if you're around a lot of stagnant people, guess what? You're probably going to be stagnant as well. You hang around nine broke people, you're bound to be the tenth. Nine lazy people, you're bound to be the tenth. Nine unhealthy people, you're bound to be the tenth. It's just the way it works, right? So what pleasure have you attached to saying- staying the same? Maybe it's comfortable, and that's the thing. It's not that your friends or people that you know who are in their comfort zones, it's not that they're bad people. It's just that they've simply conditioned themselves to stay the same. They've conditioned themselves to believe that growth is painful. Success is painful. Okay, so as we wrap up here, remember this: your brain is always conditioning itself. Pain and pleasure drive behavior. Your needs drive decisions. Your questions shape your focus, and your identity shapes your future. Your destiny is not created by what you know. It's created by what you've conditioned yourself to believe and do repeatedly. Change your conditioning, and eventually you change your life. I hope you guys got value out of today's session. If you did, drop a comment. You can drop a V for value. Thank you so much for those of you who tuned in and stayed for the full episode today, the full Breakfast Club session. Truly appreciate you guys. Make sure you subscribe to the YouTube channel. Follow me on Instagram at The World Traveler and DM me the word coach if you can use a complimentary coaching session. Till next time, guys, take care. God bless. I'll be seeing you next week.