.jpg)
The Battlefield Of The Mind
Introducing Rick Yee, author of the groundbreaking book "Everything is a Choice" - where he teaches that even the most complex decisions can be broken down into simple choices.Rick's unique approach is all about training your brain and raising your awareness. Creating the truly authentic, high-value person you were always meant to be. He's helped countless individuals make life-changing decisions and take control of their lives. Don't settle for less than you deserve, start making choices that empower you with Rick Yee's guidance! This is the way, the warrior's way!
The Battlefield Of The Mind
32. Unmasking Self: A Personal Journey through Acceptance, Surrender, and Authenticity
Have you ever pondered upon the power of surrender and acceptance in shaping your self-identity? Join us as Corey Berrier candidly recounts his personal journey, highlighting how his battles with weight issues, feelings of inadequacy, and addiction have shaped the person he is today. Come along as he narrates his interactions with religion, his escapades in the business world, and the transformative influence of motivational speaker Tony Robbins on my life.
Next, we uncover the roles of avoidance and flight systems in our lives. We shine a spotlight on the impacts of ADHD as a method to deflect pain and discomfort. Further, we scrutinize the curse of never feeling good enough, discussing how this pervasive feeling has led to a myriad of coping mechanisms, including the constant need for comparison and validation. Let's delve into how maintaining authenticity can be a struggle when donning different masks, and explore the immense power of surrender and acceptance.
Finally, we navigate through the relief that follows surrender. Corey Berrier shares his encounter with us when he surrendered to Jesus, a pivotal moment that helped him find purpose. We also discuss the courage, authenticity, and connection required to overcome fear. So, buckle up for this heartfelt exploration of personal growth and self-discovery, and learn how to plan and execute a successful podcast along the way.
Click the HERE to choose your path!
Click HERE to choose your path!
Join our Discord community now and start your transformation today!
MEN click here ----- WOMEN click here
If you want more information on our programs head over to our website here <<<
⭐Thank you for listening to our podcast! We would greatly appreciate it if you could take a moment to give us a 5-star review. Your support helps us reach more listeners and continue to bring you high-quality content. Thank you!
How do you learn who you really are? It's not found in books, it's found on the battlefield. I have a feeling that you and I hanging out is going to drop some gold.
Speaker 2:Are we recording?
Speaker 1:today. Let's do it Alright, let's hang out. I mean, like, even if we're just hanging out, it's probably going to be a conversation that would benefit somebody, without a doubt. Yeah, so let's do it Alright. Yeah, awesome to actually meet you. I want to hear more about you, man. I would love to hear your stuff. You got podcast stuff you're doing. You got a very cool setup going on there. Like, let me hear about you. I got to meet you, man.
Speaker 2:Sure. So you know I had a pretty normal childhood. Dude. I mean like fairly normal parents got divorced. That's pretty normal. You know I was a fat kid And so that was probably my biggest, that was my first, biggest struggle, i remember.
Speaker 2:So I've got a book on it. I've got a couple of books on Amazon, but the one that you know my first book would I talk about in there that these girls asked me if I needed to try in front of the whole basically the whole class, at a pool, at a pool party, and it embarrassed me to the point that I said I'm never going to go through that again. And I haven't been through it again And I lost weight that summer. I thought everything was going to be great And I still. You know, i've always had two degree inferiority complex And I think a lot of that is due to. You know I grew up in a really nice neighborhood but we were like you know I'm not going to say the book in the neighborhood, but by default we were the lower income people in the neighborhoods. It's almost felt like I always tried to keep up and I always compare myself to other people and I'll get to in a moment when that kind of and it still. I still do that to a degree, but but a lot of some of it's gone away for sure. It's an interesting time when I realized this. But I had 3D UIs. I got caught four ounce of cocaine back in 2005. I did not go to prison. You figure out the reasons why that is. I mean it was me or him. So, like you know, it is what it is like.
Speaker 2:But it really didn't stop there. I kept drinking. Religion was my. You know I loved drinking. I loved it. I thought, you know, i didn't think I would ever quit drinking. And so I got married. I got shipped off to a rehab facility that was, you know it was Pentecostal Holiness and, and you know religion is. You know it is what it is. I'm not really a religious person, but I for sure have God in the center of my life. And so I didn't stop drinking after that. But I got. I had to get married in order to leave there. Because of their rules, i had to be married as a single dude, which is just bizarre, but you know it is what it is. So I got married on my shit. So you know it made sense. At the time I didn't have a driver's license. I kind of had to have much choice And a few years passed. That was an awful relationship. In 2009 I got my license back for the first time, like eight years, and that's when I decided I would.
Speaker 2:I went to AA really just to get away from my ex-wife. To be perfectly honest with you, in those rooms, you know, i found, you know I found some relief. I found some my people, so to speak, and I wasn't totally bawdy into you. I'm not going to lie to you. I still thought. I still thought I didn't really fit in. I said I found my people. I'm more pretty well into crowds, you know. I just kind of, you know, and I never really had a problem with that, but I still always better than the people in the rooms. I just thought I wasn't. I didn't really think I needed to be there. I mean, by all accounts in my record, looking at my record, for sure, i needed to be there, but my ego was still massive and I'll get to that too in a second.
Speaker 2:Fast forward about seven years. Life got good. I had run a couple of businesses I had opened up and I had started my own AA meeting. But this is my own AA meeting. I was the center of it And I didn't mean for it to be the center of it, i don't think, but that's questionable maybe. But I just I, you know, i ran the meeting, i set it up And it just kind of got. I stopped growing And I started this business and I thought my shit didn't stink And so I started smoking weed not heavily, you know, i say I'm not a weed smoker. I am not a weed smoker at this point and I don't plan on being. I'll get to that also in a second.
Speaker 2:Slowly but surely I started smoking weed and slowly but surely I started moving away from AA. And about that time I started listening to Tony Robbins And I think Tony Robbins is amazing, i think he's great, but it was a easy segue Looking back from a 12 step program into Tony Robbins and plus, you know he drills it into your mind that if you say I am, whatever, that comes after that. And the truth is you either become that or you believe, you believe that your X, y and Z, if you believe your fat, even though I see you're in shape, then you know you probably will wind up that way. And so I said wait a minute, that was my way out of AA. Right, i said I can't get a good faith, say I am an alcoholic. That's crazy. I feel broken the rest of my life.
Speaker 2:So I fed myself that story and I wrote on that story for about six, close to six years, six and a half years, and slowly but surely I started smoking more weed and I didn't really think it was that big a deal. I didn't think, i just didn't. I didn't, you know, i just didn't. I didn't look at the wreckage that I was causing throughout that because I couldn't recognize it. And so I was talking guy back in November and, by the way, the business went to hell and that was partially my fault, partially not, but you know I made some bad choices, so did my partner, and then I struggled for seven, twenty eighteen, and I really struggled. And I have struggled since then. I've done some things. I've read the book, started a podcast. It looks all great on the way outside, but the truth of the matter is I've been a train wreck.
Speaker 2:And so, fast forward November I met a guy that runs a group called Reapers in Recovery and he and I was telling him this very story, except for the weed part. I didn't tell him that and he said you know, corey, maybe this is not about you and I'm like, hmm, he's like how many people do you know in, you know, that are struggling? I said I don't really help anybody that's struggling. And that next day when I got back I took my ass to an AA meeting. Now I kept smoking weed and I had a conversation with God before I went to that first day in being. I said I'm willing, but I'm not willing right now. I give me the willingness, i'll move towards it, but I'm just not willing right now. And I held on to that until March and I went through several sponsors, couldn't find anybody that they could link up with being the truth of the matter is I wouldn't be an honest, i was not being honest with anybody.
Speaker 2:And come to find out, you know, as I started going down this path and discovering what a complete nightmare I was, it's opened my eyes to well, the chaos, the, the complete train wreck that I've made out of my life. Unkindly, i'm being well, i guess, unbeknownst to me until all this stuff came to fruition. And for the last six months I've been building an AI for call centers. I haven't been building it, but I've been the spear, i've been spearheading it. But I keep, i keep tripping over myself, i keep messing things up and I keep screwing deals up and I just I'm pretty smart dude but like I couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on. And the truth of the matter is my ego was so big I couldn't fit my head through the door until I had to.
Speaker 2:You know, admit to this, this, my the, the, he's not my current sponsor, but he was and he was like one of the, you know, loudest guys in the room, last dude I would ever anticipate working with. But he said something one day. He said you know, if you're sponsoring yourself, your sponsors an idiot. Well, i, well, i don't know how much you know about a. I had done the urge, but I was right now my fourth step that day because I was so fed up, because I'm like damn dude, i gotta get through these steps, because I know that's the solution.
Speaker 2:And when he said that I went all right, well, probably need to talk to him. And so everybody, you know, because I still haven't had a drink in almost 14 years and everybody wanted to start me on step one and I was willing, because I was in enough pain to be willing. He said, no, no, no, we will. We need to start your fourth step. And I said, perfect, he told me exactly what I wanted to hear and I thought this guy's been sober 35 years, he knows, but he didn't know. He knew enough to get me through a little bit of it, to open my eyes a little bit more and for me to be honest with him, because I knew.
Speaker 2:When I told him I had smoked weed, i knew what the next answer was going to be, which was well, i didn't know what the next answer was going to be, but I was willing to take what answer he gave me. And if he said, pick up a white chip, that's what I would have done. And so he didn't pick up a white chip, but he said right down, your new sobriety date. Well, you can imagine how much that just it. You know I say it didn't. I tell people that it's not a big deal. And now it's really not. It's really not a big deal, but I do have two sobriety dates, and that's just how I see it. Well, i have two dates, one weed, one one about.
Speaker 2:I can't you know, i can't in good faith, throw out almost 14 years of not drinking, and not that that'll be part of my story. And so I asked my old. I got to a point where, you know, there, sometimes there's personal conversations that you got to have with that sponsor and it's got to be somebody that you can have those with, and whether it be marriage problems or kid problems or bank account, probably whatever it is, you gotta I need some that speak with. And so I asked my old sponsor way back in the day if he'd become my sponsor again. And he said yeah. And we went through the steps and what I realized is I had not turned my life over. But I left out one quick thing in the succession of failures.
Speaker 2:One thing that did come about all of this is I got linked up with this pastor and he said you know, corey? he said you're missing something in your life. He was very, very honest and I said well, what is that? he said well, you're missing Jesus Christ. I said no, no, i believe in God. I pray every morning. He said no, no, no, it's different. He said everybody says they believe in God. He said that's kind of like an ego play, because you know, if you know God, then you don't need to. You don't need to talk about Jesus Christ. He said but Jesus is the way to God. And I wasn't real, i was just trying, dude.
Speaker 2:It was a bit adverse to the whole Jesus thing for a long time. Now my brother is a pastor, we don't talk about it but I called him and I said what do you? you know we think about this guy. He said, corey, look look at it like this. You wouldn't go to court to talk to a judge without an attorney, would you? I said no, he said Jesus is the attorney. He said Jesus is the pathway through to God And it really. You know. That analogy completely made sense to me because I've been in court enough times And so that next week, i think, i got saved, which has been seven or eight weeks now, something like that.
Speaker 2:And so you know, the AI project is on hold because it's going to cost me a fortune to build it out. Somebody kind of took my sort of, took the idea that I had an NDA sign with blah, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't really matter, it's not like I can fight it And that's not for me, that's just. You know, it is what it is. And so, ever since then, i've been painfully and truthfully walking through these steps and just getting really, really honest, and I have attended church every single Sunday, which is just bizarre for me to even say out of my mouth. You know, i it's been wild, it's been wild.
Speaker 1:Thanks for sharing your story, man. Very cool, there's a lot of pieces in here. I'm just curious between me Do you want to see some cool shit Or do you want to share your story?
Speaker 2:Yeah, go for it.
Speaker 1:All right, you have a lot of systems in here that are created and it's from multiple things, and it's interesting that you started off with like the training bra thing and embarrassing thing and it went from like something where you're like I'm not good enough, i'm not good enough, i'm not good enough to all these reasons that it seems like afterwards, every single system that you created was some form of flight system. You're getting away from something, or moving away from some sort of pain, or not deal with something. Every single thing with alcohol, with cocaine, with weed, with relationships with God, every single thing that you have is some sort of move away from pain system. It's some sort of get away from something, and I don't know if you found what is it that you were like trying to get away from where you needed. Like it is a denial system where I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to go into that shit, i don't want to talk about that, i don't want to accept that, i don't want to be like that, i don't want.
Speaker 1:It's always a move away that you have in almost all your parts of your story, whether it be move away from love, move away from accountability, move away from Jesus, move away from you know? I don't know. It seems like there's like this I need to get the fuck out of system, or maybe even like, move away from being average or like everyone else, i don't want to be insignificant, and so I need to get away from being what everybody else is telling me to be. I don't know. There seems to be a flight system that's built in and come from being not good enough when you were younger, so now I have to move away from maybe even not being good enough. Did you ever find what that is you're trying to get away from? Never looked at that to be honest.
Speaker 2:But that's really interesting In my brain. I also have ADHD In my brain. You know, in my brain I've done a lot of things and like I'm this significant individual, right, But as I look back, you know, I do jump around a lot And I'm never really satisfied with anything And I am always looking for maybe the next thing, maybe the next what, And I always feel that void with something. Always I don't know what it is, I don't know why that is.
Speaker 1:It's still. It's part of the system. There's something that I'm trying to. There's a hole there that I don't want anything near. When I talk about avoidance, I break it up into three different words. A void dance. This is me trying to skirt away from the spot I don't want anybody near. I'm trying to deflect the conversation or I'll have some FOMO attitude where I'm fear of missing out. So I'm going to go and do the next thing or jump into something cool or squirrel over here and we'll blame ADHD and we'll blame other things to make it. So I don't have to go into that fucking shithole. I go towards where it hurts. I don't want to talk about where I'm not good enough. I don't want to talk about the pain. I don't want to get into that shit. I don't screw all that. I don't want any of that conversation.
Speaker 1:Why did that marriage fail? Why did this go wrong? Why did this fall apart? Because fucking life happens.
Speaker 1:Let's go do something fun. Like you know. It makes perfect sense, but it's avoided. It's an avoidance. I don't want to go near this giant hole in my soul. I don't want to talk about it. Let's go do something else or let's do anything to feel good.
Speaker 1:An avoid feels bad. I don't want to go there. What are you going to do? Talk about my fucking feelings? Well, maybe, or maybe we're going to actually do some real work. Let's fill the hole.
Speaker 1:It all sounds like garbage. It sounds like fluffy bullshit. Let's go do something significant. Let's go do something that matters. Let's go make a difference. Let's do something that makes it so people can see how awesome I really am, and not talk about the things that I'm not. I'm not the kid who needs a fucking training bra. I'm the guy who's going to change the world. It's about right, Yeah, So we got an avoid dance.
Speaker 1:We got a dance around the hole. What the hell is in the hole, man? Because there's some little kid in there who just got his heart ripped out that you put in this hole to make sure nobody goes near. So you built some really impressive defenses around this thing. In fact, they're gold plated and beautiful, but they will also spike you in the face, So don't come near it. Like you know what is the thing that we're trying to get away from? because there's a party you inside of there, that's, you're calling it ego and stuff, or maybe you're using the ADHD thing, which I'm going to kind of go a different direction.
Speaker 1:Whenever I work with people on the stuff, People call these things disorders. They call it like you have something wrong with you. Listen, back, in hunting gather day, you would have been one of our best hunters Squirrel, deer, rabbit Like you'd be. Like you'd be one of the best dudes Man, he's a provider. He sees it when we don't see it Like. You would just be one of the best.
Speaker 1:You put you in certain fields. You put you in hospital ER. You put you in chef. Like you need to see 50 different things at one time. You're one of the best in the business. But in regular life you're a disorder. There's a problem, There's something wrong with you. Well, your ADHD probably makes us so you can go through your file system faster than other people can, because you can jump around through different files and check it out really quickly. Well, maybe a little bit slower, but they'll call them focused, Right, You know what I mean. So just because you don't go through your files slowly doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It's just are you good at being able to go through as quickly as you need to in an effective way? Your brain's not broken. You're most likely brilliant in a different category and people call you fucked up. Well, thanks for the judgment, but I would have been the best hunter in the clan had this been 400 years ago.
Speaker 2:You know, i do believe that if there is something that interests me, i will be the best at it And I'll probably get it fairly quickly. But if I am not very interested in it, no fucking chance Right, like I'm not sure, i'm going to do it, like it doesn't even matter what's attached to it, i'm just not going to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what are you trying to look for then? Because it seems like you're jumping into all these different things to find you. But I wonder if it's the other way. It's not outward that you need to go, do a thing to find you, if it's not somewhere in this whole side, your soul, that you've been avoiding since you were super little, that even let anyone near, because you've been trying to cover up with alcohol and weed and maybe even women or success or something You're trying to get away from, whatever that thing is. but there's something in there where someone shot a hole through you. man.
Speaker 2:No, i did forget to tell you. You know, when I mentioned that I would tell you about being comparing myself to other people. I went in this will fit exactly what you're seeing in 2020 and I did two different ayahuasca journeys looking for something I don't know what exactly, and in one of those journeys, i was looking around as the first one. I was looking around, i was throwing up and I wasn't throwing up at the time. I was looking around and everybody was doing all these, you know, flopping around and laughing or crying or whatever And I was like wonder why I'm not, wonder why I'm just like, i'm coherent, i know what's happening, like what is going on.
Speaker 2:It was just like you and me talking. It was a voice that said you compare yourself to everybody, you're not here for them, you're here for you, and that was a really profound moment for me. I don't know if I did anything with it. I feel like I may have, but now, looking back, i'm not so sure. But I am always looking for the next thing. I'm always looking for the latest and greatest, the thing that, but it never quite get there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Did you ever figure out who you were comparing yourself to? to try to be Who was the epitome of like whatever you thought was good enough?
Speaker 2:Well, i think I'm always not thinking. You know, when I got back, you know anything about the integration period afterwards. You know, a lot of stuff comes that the I can't remember what they call it, but things come to you that next week And it's interesting. But I was mowing my yard with the lawnmower my dad gave me And I thought, huh, I've always compared my life to where he is financially right And you know, there's a 25 year difference there, so I'm never going to be where he is until after he's gone. And so I realized that I didn't communicate very well with my father because of that reason. We had a decent, pretty good relationship But, and so I called him and told him he didn't know. I went down and did ayahuasca, but he did, he did after that call And he was like, well, i've never made you feel that way. And I said, well, i agree with that. I mean, we got a pretty good relationship. But yeah, i don't know why I always I don't know.
Speaker 1:You said a weird this is just finances wise, it's not even. You didn't even get any man stuff. You just went into finances. Like you said I will never be where he is until he's gone. That was like the exact sentence. You just said Yeah, and that's an interesting belief system.
Speaker 1:That almost like almost, if you look at it from two different ways. On one hand it can be like the moralizing and almost limiting that like until dad's gone, i can't be successful. If you look at it word for word, like I can just successful as him until he's gone because it took 25 years ahead for him to get it, that's one belief system. It's a limiting belief. If you do think about it, it slows you down from being able to achieve because it's almost impossible. I need 25 years ahead to be far as him, which isn't true. But being able to go like damn, i have that in there, though That's a piece that's in the way, like that could also be there. But then also this thing about like success is what my dad is And I'm not like my dad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't even know that you would even call what my dad is success. now I think about it.
Speaker 1:I don't even know your dad, yeah, so I don't. This is just parts. Where, like, where is the whole that that just might be for finances? Who do you think is, i don't know, like really has their shit together for you to compare yourself, to go, man, i am just not like that. I need to be better because, like and might be multiple categories. One could be physical, one could be emotional, one could be love, one could be religion or spirituality, like, who are the people that you're like? I'm not like that. I'm not like that. I'm not like that. I'm not like that. I'm not like that, but I'm going to try my best to be Who is it?
Speaker 2:Probably a lot of people Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so now we have a whole bunch of people to try to be. It's almost like this crazy kind of Frankenstein monster of perfection that this is like this, like the traits from him, the traits from him, the traits from him, the traits from him. Now, when you put them all together, does the Frankenstein monster look like an improved version of you? Does it look like something you can never be, something I can never be? Well, that's an impossible goal. Yep, this means you are cursed now to live your entire life never being good enough.
Speaker 1:The worthiness first, because you created an impossible standard, which means, even if you were the most financially successful, the best looking, the strongest, the most emotionally healthy, physically healthy, spiritually healthy, smartest guy in the room, you're still never going to be good enough. That's right. Well, how do you actually find peace? How do you ever find purpose, how do you ever find significance, if you're just never going to be good enough? even if you were the best I don't know that I found that yet Well, it seems like even if you found it, it wouldn't be good enough. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, because I would always want more.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or different. There's a part of you that's never full, always hungry. There's a part in there and we want to try and call it ambition. That would be nice, right, call it dry, that would be really romantic. I like that idea. But maybe it's an adequacy. You know well, fuck that, that sounds terrible. I don't like that. Let's call it drive, let's call it ambition, let's call it. Let's call it a motivation, like Maybe it's pain.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure I don't think it's motivation.
Speaker 1:No, I'm just being overly romantic on some.
Speaker 2:But we disguise it as ambition or whatever you want to fill it. Yeah, any of those things for sure.
Speaker 1:Here's an insight on this. These are all denial curses. This means there's a loss system or something that fucking hurt you so bad that I'm just trying to compensate it by something That I believe is better, instead of dealing with the reality of something that hurts so damn bad. I don't even want to talk about it now. This may even be some repressed memory, which is why you're like I don't, i want to work on it. That's why I did ayahuasca. I want to find that so I can work on it. And it may be so repressed that maybe I don't even know where to go, you know, and so it's hard to say I don't know.
Speaker 1:Like you said, i had a good childhood. I had nothing really wrong. I don't. I don't know what it was. There's something deep in there that makes you not good enough, though. Well, that's a doubt curse with denial, which you're trying to be something inauthentic, so you can be good enough, but you have a curse That means even if you were to fake it till you make it, even if you make it, you know it's not authentic, so you're still never gonna be good enough, even if you did it. That means winning is losing. How do you ever find success if winning means losing?
Speaker 2:I haven't found it yet. My standards right, by my standards, i've never found it. But if you think a lot of people And this could be you know I Do things for significance, right? I wrote the book for significance, so I could say I'm an author right, that's really funny.
Speaker 1:Is that the name of your book? I didn't know that It should be Okay, i should be yeah, not yo.
Speaker 2:It's nine simple steps to sell more shit. But you know it, you know, and I thought that was gonna be the thing.
Speaker 1:Stop fucking thing, it's not the thing podcasting.
Speaker 2:Like and it's really tiring. It's really tiring because I never. It's almost like. I know, people know like. I'll give you a great example. I started working with a plumbing company three years ago. I don't think I've ever told you like this and I had success, my all standards, i think. I Never worked in a plumbing company but I coached their sales team, never worked with plumbers and And I would say we had success. And Since then I've worked with a few Other trade companies, never a plumbing company, not not me, not another plumbing company. I've never worked for an HVAC company. Now, this is gonna be interesting, but somehow last summer I became the chairperson for the plumbing and cooling contractors Association auxiliary committee and, like you know, i mean I explain that I Don't know.
Speaker 1:That's fantastic. You became like a chairperson for something that you've never done. Basically, that's hilarious.
Speaker 2:I still am that person, but like and I was like this is that this is. This is gonna give me the notoriety that I need.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what? what notoriety did you want? What did you feel like you needed? like was to be a Status, like some kind of like I'm the man of some type. Like what were you looking for? what? what thing would have made it So you had enough status or significance that you would feel Like you were there. You made it.
Speaker 2:Well, i always measure everything financially. Right, i always measure everything financially, which probably keeps me from financial success. Mm-hmm, you know, i just feel like Like I know a lot about a lot of things, but I'm not Really great at one thing. Right, i'm really good at a lot of things, but I'm not great at one single thing. I think I keep trying to figure out what that thing is, but I don't stay with it long enough Because I get bored with it and I'm like, okay, well, like you know, we built this MVP and like it sounds cool and all, but like I'm like all right, i'm kind of dumb with that. I did it. Next thing, i did it. Yeah, next, who gives a shit?
Speaker 1:It's interesting that you say I measure success through finances. You measure dad through finances, you measure stuff through finances. How much finances is this? so I can be? I want to be Aware of how much is it that makes you successful? I don't know. I mean, we don't have a success number. It could be a hundred bucks or a million dollars. I don't know what success is.
Speaker 2:You know things always been a million dollars. I think it's just kind of I just assume that. Do I have a million? I do not. Is your dad No?
Speaker 1:no, but your dad's still pretty successful. Right, because he's 25 years ahead of you financially. Right, but the reality is easy, that successful Well, not a million dollars successful. But then it gets into what is success, because you started going to church every Sunday. Jesus is your attorney. What is his attorney fees? I guess 10% 10% or you're going off a tithing interesting, I mean.
Speaker 2:I'm just doing what I think. I'm just doing it, what I'm? well Shit, i don't know. Dude, i'm just Play the game so I can get to the end. I guess I'm not really sure what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's cool, man. Thank you for sharing. This is cool. It's cool to see where you're at on your journey And it's it's. There's a lot of these things where I'm glad to see you hitting the wall, because there's that's where breakthroughs are. You know, you have to hit the wall, you have to hit the spot where you're like what the fuck man? This isn't working at all Like we need it, and I think people discount the value of these rock bottom moments where we'll go through the paces So it looks right, but then at some point it actually has to be sincere And like you're getting the point where, like I've faded it until I made it so many times that even if I made it, it didn't feel like I made it right, because I know if we're living in a denial and we're living in a persona and we're living as an identity, that's not authentic.
Speaker 1:Who's really successful then?
Speaker 2:You know, I don't even know if I know.
Speaker 1:One of your masks is really successful, for sure, and you're a chameleon. You can morph into any group. Yes, seriously, and if they need you to be a certain way that you should be on your on, you should be in the back. You're in the back. If they need you to Run a camera, you can run a camera. If they need you to be the star, you can be the star. What do you need? I can turn that mask on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, 100%. I'm super good at that part, which makes it very confusing to know What's real. What's really there, right, feels like nothing.
Speaker 1:Well, it's a constant struggle, because if you were really you and you ever got exposed again, i would bet you it would probably feel a lot like when those girls said you need a training bra.
Speaker 2:Well, share something really interesting. I, because of this mask and I'm fully aware of it I've gone into not publicly on Facebook, in these private groups where I've had these masks of being this, whatever the fuck, consultant, coach, whatever I did a post about what was going on in my life and That you know I Financially direct everything and that you know I was looking to work for somebody. And that's humbling for me because I haven't worked for about in ten years and And I think this, i think what, what I'm about to tell you is probably I mean, i shared about it And I got, you know, i got some feedback. So I'm good, most mostly good But I think I use that For two things.
Speaker 2:I used it, to get honest, because I was tired of carrying it around, and I also used this sales tool, so to speak. Right, let me put this out there, let's see what happens. People will see that I'm real raw in the realities. I don't know how it landed, i just don't know. Um, i don't know, i don't even know if it was the right thing, but it felt like I had lost some weight after that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a. There's a saying that I have when it comes to denial, because denial is the war with what is, and You're in back here, you're in the battlefield of the mind, you're going through the fight. Right now. I'm gonna say a sentence that, like, at some point when it it hits you and you start Letting some of the pieces go denial, denials, not free People think it's the easy way.
Speaker 1:I don't want to think about the bad stuff. I want to avoid that shit. I don't want to be inadequate or fat or stupid or not good enough or, you know, unsuccess, whatever the measurement is, whatever it is. So I'll put the mask on. I don't want to look insecure. I don't want to look, you know, in unstable. I don't want to look weak. I don't want to look whatever, like, whatever it is. I don't want to look like that. So I'll look or perceive myself or put a persona up as this, and the worst thing And this is probably where you're running into the hardest problem, for this is you're running into the worst thing that could happen. You're good at it. Yeah, i think that can happen, as you win is you pretend to be what you think they want and And they love it And you're like I can change into whatever you need, but at some point and this is where the imposter syndrome stuff starts to creep in is you can't Continue to grow into significance that you want When you're trying to grow different personality types.
Speaker 1:Who's really growing? Who's growing? the salesman? Is it the? the husband? which who's growing? which is the speaker? is it the? which guy's growing? Who is it? Which guy are we working on today? Which one is gonna be the one? because the reality is is, once you start doing honesty and once you start doing real work, you're gonna start cracking your masks and people will start seeing through your bullshit. Yeah, and a part of you, there's a dark part of you that really wants them to Know, because you're fucking tired of wearing all of these costumes. Yeah, i wish I could just drop them on, then There's. But there's a contradiction, though, because, on one hand, you want to be different and special and unique and significant and wonderful, but you also want to be Approved of and loved by others, even though you're nothing like them, right? Well, that's a conundrum in itself. I don't like you, but I also want you to approve that I'm not like you right shit.
Speaker 1:How do I navigate that world man?
Speaker 2:It ain't easy.
Speaker 1:Now take on top of that, like you're a heart side warrior, the feelings become reality. There's a lot of stuff in here that, like that, sucks or, and odds are, if I had you pegged, you can probably go into the muck a little bit and sit in there, and other people would be very uncomfortable with someone, as you're able to tolerate 100%, and in fact, whenever you share the darkness, most people freak the fuck out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because it is pretty dark.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Even more weird, and this is probably where tell me there's not a shame, stack in there, there's. Sometimes you go into these dark thoughts and you come out and you feel better And it makes you feel like I'm wrong with me if I can go in and write my own obituary and feel happy That's fucked up. Right, there must be something wrong with me, but there's some reason. When you go into this Tim Burton world, this Edgar Allen Poe poem, when you go into this Shakespearean fucking tragedy, you come out feeling a little more energized when everybody else looks depleted.
Speaker 2:Take a lot. I can carry a lot, and I don't know if people know it or not, but yeah, i can morph into whatever I need to morph into and I can carry as much weight, pretty much as any. I would be willing to bed, and that's not me bragging by any fucking strategy.
Speaker 1:No, no no, you've got the skill. You have developed this ability. Now it turns into can you carry the reality of who you really are, because that seems like in these masks? Can you carry the weight of the rejection of somebody who knows who you really are and doesn't like you? Nope, yeah. Well, how heavy can we carry them? That's a great question. I void the rejection. We have an avoidance.
Speaker 1:This is denial is the main curse that you've got right now. It's not a bad thing. It's the most common one of all because it disguises itself as protection. It disguises as best friend. You mix that in with distraction. Hey, best friend, let's not shitting stuff. Let's have fun. You know what we love Getting fucked up.
Speaker 1:Let's get fucked up. You're like you know what That would be good. You're like you hung over your part and you was like we're going to be hung over. We got work to do. Like that's a little hungover, tim. Let's go party. Let's go feel good, yeah. And so we move towards feel good, because feel bad sucks.
Speaker 1:And denial dresses it up as like how about we just push this in the in the quarantine closet? if we don't ever open this piece of shit door and accountability, i'm going to go kick his ass and then throw him out and let's go party, like then that's becomes the reality. And it's not free, though, because who you really are is locked away. Who you really are is shunned and shamed and put down because who you really are isn't good enough. So let's go be something that is. That's denial. It dresses you up as something magnificent, unique, different, better, but yeah, it's not free, man, because then the reality of time starts to kick in. There's a, there's a realization that you're going to have that wake up call, that you look in inward and you look at yourself and you go.
Speaker 1:I've been alive for this many years. How many of those years did I live as me And how many of those years did I live as something else, which means denial your life, quite literally minute by minute. It makes you live as something that is not you, which gives all these minutes away What, what's, what's the game? I lose time, relationships, authenticity, connection, significance, and actually ends up becoming all bullshit, and even if I win, i feel empty. Yeah, the way or the answer isn't the solution. So I know this is going to be a little more frustrating. The answer is obviously being able to surrender to yourself, and probably the fastest way for you at this point to do it is to at least go through your attorney and surrender to you your trust, to at least your attorney. And in this case your attorney is Jesus, and I don't normally go to Jesus route. I don't, i'm a psychologist, i go that direction. But I had to surrender to and I did not think that my purpose would be found in the side. I did not. I might not.
Speaker 1:This is going to be in the logic side, it's going to be in philosophy, it's going to be in psychology. It's going to be in some sort of warrior action step. There's no way the spiritual side is going to be where my purpose is. Fuck me, that's where it was. But in order to do that, your ego is not your amigo and you have to go. I surrender man. I give up. Not give up because I won't try, i just give up. I need to be in control. It needs to be my way.
Speaker 1:There's a lot, of, a lot of things, even with this conversation, we don't know what we're walking into, and so I got to go All right, listen, who's in control here? I got five different calls today. You're one of them. I'm like take the wheel, god. Who do I get to meet today? I don't know yet, and some of these will end up becoming great conversations and break through moments, and some of it will just be we laugh a little bit and then we go on with it is what it is. But I got to let God take the wheel. Some will be lifelong connections, some will be clients, some will be just people we talked to once. Take the wheel, god. I'm not controlling this boat. Who am I supposed to know? Bring them to me. I'm not the one calling the shots on this. I just do my purpose in whatever it is he's bringing in my day. Well, fuck, my logic side does not like that at all. Calendar does not agree My finances and my bank account says that's not a good business strategy.
Speaker 1:When I did a surrender, especially like just to give you insight, i would. I've been doing this for a lot of years, unknown, all right, and I think you can relate. You've been doing this for a lot of years and people don't know. They don't know me. Some do, but they don't know me. They don't know me. I've been doing this for a long time And we ended up blowing up on social media. I've been doing social media stuff for a long time. I had a whole other company before this And it wasn't until I fully surrendered and I said you know what?
Speaker 1:It's not on me anymore. I give up, i give up my heart, i give up my life, i give up my soul, and I went towards the faith aspect now and my preaching Christianity. No, that's just how I went. Some people go law of attraction, some people go vibration. Some people go into manifestation in other ways. I don't care what they choose. God made them all, so pick one.
Speaker 1:I go to prayer and I go. I surrender to you. Let me serve you in the way that you you see fit. Work through me. Help me see people in a way they can't see, so I can show them the way that they need to go so they can journey effectively. Give me the, give me the site, give me the wisdom. You know how you get wisdom You get your ass kicked. That's how you get wisdom, because you learn three times faster when you lose than you do when you win. So I fuck around. I prayed for wisdom. You know what happened when I prayed for wisdom? Got my fucking ass kicked. Like there you go, you learn three times faster. I'm like OK, god, i got enough wisdom I got. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Please stop with the wisdom I got it, i got it, i got it.
Speaker 1:I've lesson learned, lesson learned. So if Jesus is the attorney, he's not asking for tithing in 10 percent. That's the church man. Well, let's go, let's. Let's challenge a little bit, let's go the spirit route. So I think that's going to be.
Speaker 1:I think you're a heart warrior. I can feel your heart from here. I think the inside of there is a fucking good dude with a damaged heart. I think your heart got hurt, bad, real bad. I don't know how, but something hurt it And I think that's your greatest strength, but it's become one of your greatest weaknesses. It's a weird thing, man. I think if you're going heart and spirit side, it's going to give you a better standing. To start working on that mindset and that warrior side. It's going to start with your side and then build yourself up in the weaker sides is what it is And you may even be more heart warrior. You know versus like. You know the mindset, spirit. You know I don't know. This is your journey and I don't judge it. It's just where you're at. But if you go in and say I'm going to start surrendering, that I need to do it my way and let Jesus be your attorney.
Speaker 1:I didn't go to church and he wasn't, wasn't tied into. Whatever the local place was, he was all over the place and whenever he said I'm going to pray, he'd go on quiet alone. He said close the door behind you. He wasn't out trying to speak in front of everybody in tongues and shit. He wasn't making a show, it wasn't a spectacle. He's like I'm here for my father, i'm here to serve, and so I'm following that dude. I'm like I'm here to follow and I'm here to serve. Well, here's the question for you What is the criteria for you to be able to follow someone Who's worthy of you to be able to go? I just follow you. So far, i don't think you met that guy.
Speaker 2:You like this Right.
Speaker 1:You're like I'm not. I'm not following this, motherfucker, though. Yeah, it's hard. It's because you have to do one of the harder things for curses on this one. There's some curses that need to be broken and you need to smash them. Some do. There are some things that are actually demons that need to be fought and killed, and one of the harder ones this one. Sometimes you just need to let it go, but you're white knuckling this control thing, because what happens if you don't have control? How can you ever be good enough if you're not in control? Something happens. I don't know what it is. There's some. There's some hole inside of there where the answers are all thrown in here in this fucking pit that we don't let anyone near. But in order to get in, like, well, i'm just going to lock the doors and surrender, go ahead. When you let it go, man, you're going to feel like you're going to feel like a grown man steps off your chest. Man, it's bonkers.
Speaker 2:And describe. Let it go. You know it can't be a picture, because I sometimes don't even know if I know what the fuck that means.
Speaker 1:So all of these masks that you're wearing are all for a purpose. None of them are stupid. They're all very tactical and each one has a reason why you built them as part of a protection system, trying to be the, you know, the best that you believe other people would approve of. There's an approval thing needed, there's an attention thing needed, there's a love thing needed, there's something there that you need, but the way you're doing it is so inauthentic. Even when you get what you want, it doesn't feel good. So you're holding on to these personas and these masks because they've gotten some form of success. I'll give you one example for me.
Speaker 1:I grew up in Sparta. I grew up in a very hostile environment. I was inside Detroit. I grew up a couple of miles from M&M for eight mile, we didn't. It's not a nice area, not a nice place. It's a hostile environment at best, and I grew up in an abusive home.
Speaker 1:Hostility and violence was a regular thing. The number one currency for this place is respect. Not to get respect, be fucking hard, be mean, be cold. Well, when you're in a tough environment and you're tough, mean, hard and cold people respect that. Don't fuck with that guy. He will choose that guy. It gives the illusion that he could be a protector because he's tough and mean and don't take shit from nobody, right, right, can't run a family that way. Can't attack your pack. You can't be the meanest, hardest and the toughest when you've got kids or family or wife. Can't do that. Shit Doesn't work.
Speaker 1:Well, that system has gotten me so much respect and success in that environment. But I don't live in Sparta anymore And so here I am around a dancer, a baker, a merchant and a painter And they're like why is he yelling? We don't like it, they don't feel safe, they don't feel protected. But that entire system has gotten me so much success Brotherhood, camaraderie, fear, women winning. I had to abandon this entire system in order to be a good dad. Now they're lying in here. Somebody wants to come in and try and hurt my girls. They've got to go through a tough guy that I cannot use the system. And how often is somebody coming in the house to try to attack? It's very, very, very, very rare. In fact, it hasn't happened in this building yet.
Speaker 1:So what system do I need to be is completely opposite of the system that I had for success. My entire system contradicts my entire reality what I need to authentically be, to connect with our daughters, i'll have to abandon my entire strength system. I have to go reverse. In fact, instead of being hard, cold, calculated to get respect, i need to be vulnerable, open and loving. What the fuck That sounds like it'll make me ten times weaker. There's no way to be tough and hard and strong is weaker than being vulnerable, open and hurt in a heart attack. There's no way. Ten times stronger.
Speaker 1:The version of you that's real is ten times stronger than all of these fake personas. But you've had so much success with these personas. Ten times more if you let them go, because not only will you be doing something that makes you feel fulfilled, you'll be fine place that's actually yours and you'll own a victory, even if it's not as grand as the MVP of Memphis. It'll be yours and it'll feel better because you want it. You got it. It's your win, not your masks, not your persona, not your alter ego. The reason you haven't felt that connection is you've protected yourself from whatever was that was really in there, because people are fucking mean. I can't argue with that at all. So that's one version of let go, my surrender to God. I had to give them all my garbage. I'll tell you what. This is part of my purpose, and maybe this will help you with a breakthrough. I hope it does.
Speaker 1:When I went through the psychology route and the philosophy route, i went through all of the things that would be considered disorders. All of the things when it came to abuse, abandonment, rejection, addiction. All of the pieces that I had in here. Everything was labeled correctly, everything was categorized the right way. Everything was this own little special storage bin. All of it was organized. So I stacked all of my storage bins, everything.
Speaker 1:According to me, this is all the abuse. This is the emotional abuse, physical abuse, this is abandonment. This is what my dad laughed. This is what my mom laughed. This is when I was rejected here. This is broken heart shit. Everything's all labeled, it's all beautiful And I have this mountain of filled bins. All correct, i know the diagnosis, i know exactly what that is, but yet I'm still sitting here with a mountain of fucking pain And it's just organized now And I'm like I did all of the things I read.
Speaker 1:I did all the grieving processes. I did all of the things. What the fuck am I missing? Why is it still hurt, even knife? I know what it is. I know the answers. Well, the answers are not the solution. So there was a wall that I was hitting, just like you're hitting. Now There's a. What the fuck am I hitting? I'm hitting some.
Speaker 1:When I Did that 4 am My baby's sleeping next to me, my girl sleeping next to me, she's sawing logs and I'm sitting here talking to God. I don't talk to God that often at this point. Usually I use, whenever I go into this book right here, this book. I would weaponize this book on you. I'll whoop your ass with this book. Oh, you didn't read the two sections before that when Jesus says you're an idiot. You didn't read that shit. I've got you. You know. You want to go to Deuteronomy and talk about some bullshit everywhere's gospel I got you. Let's make it fucking weird Like I would use that book as a weapon.
Speaker 1:So here I am talking to the guy who's who's the creator? go and listen. I don't know what it is. I did all the things that was me. I Did all the things. That's on me. I'm the one I can control it. I can let it go. I'm the center of the universe and it's not working. So you know what I stop, it's not me, i, i give it to you. And then I could hear it's not an auto. You know, when people say I talked to God, god works through me in the craziest ways. Now I was closed to him when I opened that up.
Speaker 1:I have created psychology tools that even top psychologists now are like holy shit, this is the best I've seen so far. And I'm like came to me at 3 30 in the morning. It wasn't even mine, i think God gave me this one I. I just woke up. He said build this. And I'm like okay, and then I would build it and it can't be broken. Weird, it's happening.
Speaker 1:So in that moment the voice that I heard in there was this mountain of organized pain that you have Is less than a grain of sand to me. Give me it. And I was like it's a lot to me. Man, you sure he's like it's less than one grain of sand. Give it to me. I said fine, take it, take it. I got nothing. All my things aren't working. It's yours, and I'm not kidding when I'm telling you it. Like if a 300 pound dude just Stepped off my chest. I was like like I could, i could Breathe. I was like what the fuck is that? My logic brain says this cannot be the answer, but for some reason I had never felt lighter and more connected. There is no way this is the answer, but it was now.
Speaker 1:He said, and if you ever look in, this is something why your story is insignificant. You had to go through the shit you went through to help people through that shit And I'm like this is not fun. He's like I want you to go in and go into hell and go and find these people who are suffering. Help, take that hell out of them and then bring it to me. I'm like I got to carry their hell out of them. I got take their damage, take their wounds, take the rape, murders, the killing, the loss, the pain, the trauma, the every PTSD, the BPD, you name it. You take it. He's like, yeah, you take it all on yourself. bring it to me. It's less than a grain of sand to me. Bring them to me. So you guys, a shit job, dude.
Speaker 1:I don't think God asks us to do easy things and if you think your purpose in life is supposed to be some fairytale fun thing, i don't think the reason that he made us is because we're supposed to live lives like fairytales. I Think we're supposed to find connection and love with each other and being able to find what your purpose. I think we're not gonna be an easy deal, and so maybe you had to go through so much help because there's something inside of you That's real, that'll actually connect with somebody and it's time to let go of the masks because they serve you already So you can find an odds are. The reason you had them is because you'll see through someone's camouflage So fucking fast that you'll go. I know what that pain is, but you have to beat this curse yourself in order to help them out and You'll be able to see right through those masks. You're like I had that man That's a Joker mask.
Speaker 1:I know that one. Ah, you got that salesman mask. I know that one. I Know that mask. I know that. But I can see through it and inside of there was a hurt guy. Let's help that guy so we don't need the mask anymore.
Speaker 1:You have me where the first before you have other beat the curse man, you got a break it first.
Speaker 2:And you know that's interesting, because one thing that's come up is that you can't, can't give, let's see, basically, can't help somebody else for your own house not in order. I knew My house was not in order but didn't know how to put it in order. No, it's the idea, other than the steps, that I'm taking and I did. You know, one thing that I think you You'll find interesting, when I went back to a Lot of that was do that conversation with the guy Right, it wasn't just that, it was My daughter had done a string of things that I tried to fix. I tried to figure it out. I tried to and I Fucking almost drove myself into the ground, or pretty much did, because I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 2:And I still don't have an answer to it and I'm not looking for it because, look, i can't. I know that I can't control Things in my life. I can't, can't throw what you do, i can't control what she does, but sometimes, lots of times, i still Try to control. Yeah, you know God, you know How do you like completely go It's pretty hard, that's, it's actually simple and easy are not the same.
Speaker 1:It's simple to say, open your hands, but you've had this on there for 30 years, so it's like feeling like, who do I have to give it to? what do I have to do? Where do I put this? is there a thing I'm supposed to take it to you like no, just leave it on the ground. You're like there's, i can't. It's been with me, it means too much. I can't just leave it on the ground.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what place on the ground, over here, over there, we, which way, i want to make sure, yes, put it on the ground and walk away.
Speaker 1:You're like, yeah, i don't want to do it. It's a, it's an interesting journey. We're on man And there are steps to do things and there are ways to do it. I do teach people the steps, you know. I don't just talk theory, because right now It's all theory at the moment. We there is step by steps, to do these things. There is a way, but takes months.
Speaker 1:When I renovate somebody's entire belief system, it's not like you know, it would normally take 10 to 20 years. But if I have every belief system that you've survived on right now without putting in the new ones that actually make it stand up, it's very, very painful, a lot to go through. It's a lot, you know. It's almost a traumatic experience, you know. So there's a lot there. But I think that you're at a good spot where my I think my purpose today in this conversation Is just to go. I see what you're doing and I've done it with a lot of guys with this curse. You're not my first one with this man. That's why I know what you're talking about. I'm like we've beaten this. I Know you want it to be this. I'm just telling you it's this way and Then you'll find what you are looking for and you're like But my default program has always gone this way and I'm like, and you're lost Because it's that way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like the fucking treatment show.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm, you know something's wrong. Yeah, yeah, without a doubt, we got, we got to get out of this dang bubble man. But once you're out of the bubble, you, you have to be you. Yeah, i don't know who that is. Enjoy the journey, man, because then it's actually even a more exciting adventure. Figure out who you are. What a cool thing.
Speaker 1:It's almost like going a date with you and ask you questions, like I got some questions to figure you out and you're gonna have weird answers. And even even crazier is, turn your awareness All the way up on. Did I answer it with one of my masks? Probably, because if you find one, see if you want to keep it or not. You're like, ah, this one has gotten me the most pussy, though You're like that Didn't get you pussy, got them pussy. No, no, no, get rid of this. Now. This one got me the most money, though They give you how much money you want. Oh, no, like, get rid of it. I, ah, this one got me the most friends, though Like, where are those friends at? They're all gone. Okay, well, i didn't anticipate this today. Nobody ever does with me.
Speaker 2:Man Of course not, but this is um. You know, i know you're genuine, like I do. I know that I can feel, i can, you know, i could feel that in my heart It's also a very smart way that you, about doing this, i dig it.
Speaker 1:Thanks, Ben.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a really smart way.
Speaker 1:I like it. You're on mission now, brother. Now you at least see the path to take that gets you what you're really looking for, something you've been looking for for years. I'm like it's a shit road, but that's the road. You're like, oh, what's it going to be? like. I'm like, oh, it's a fuck show man. It's got potholes everywhere, it's a mess, but at the end of it you will never be more fulfilled about anything in your life. It is going to be the best you've ever felt. But you're just on the wrong road. You're going the wrong way, man. Yeah, when you let this stuff go, man, you're being free is going to be. It's a wild feeling, man, And you'll be able to start, because I think you're a hard side warrior. I think that you'll be able to connect with people in a way that you've never been able to do. And then your posts. When you said something like I can't post something honest like this because I can't show my dad, you won't have any of that.
Speaker 1:The reason that a lot of my warriors I have a large group of men, the reason that they follow me, is not because I'm perfect. It's because I share my journey with them, because I also have to go through the battles that they do and I do not tell them to do something I haven't done or won't do. And so I go. Hey, i'm fighting our heart side. I'm getting my ass kicked today. I don't go in and talk about I'm only strong, I'm only perfect. I am not. And they go. That makes me respect you every day, because you're fighting the fight, and that makes me want to fight. So the more authentic that I am, the more that people will follow me, but not because I need the attention, but because this is the way it's done And I want them to win and I want you to win.
Speaker 1:But real winning is not having your persona win or having a bank account. It's going to be when you look in the mirror and go I fucking dig this dude. It's a wild ride, man. There's a lot of layers, though. You're going to have to start getting rid of one mask after another mask And you're like but I'm a master, a grand master. So was I. I was highly respected for being a fucking badger. I didn't give a shit. I'd fight the biggest dude. I didn't give a fuck. It does not serve me as a pack leader, though. It makes me reckless, separates people from me, makes me a liability, and I'm getting. I'm old now, so let me get in and fight stupid idea. Takes me like five weeks to recover. These aren't made for smashy smashy. These are made for righty, righty, right.
Speaker 2:Hmm, you know, immediately, when you said that, i thought then what part of this authentic authenticity do I need to put out there Immediately?
Speaker 1:That's what I thought, which is which part scares the shit out of you?
Speaker 2:Um well, doing that post inside of those two groups scared the shit out of me. How do you feel about it? I feel like I'm. I do feel like I'm growing in the right direction. This is really hard. I fucking think I typed it any time.
Speaker 1:Uh, i just did a training on this with with a lot of the guys. I did with my women also. I look at the resistance almost like a lighthouse. Now, if there's something that like, oh, that doesn't, i don't want to do that, your warrior side needs to kick in and go, then we go toward it. You like I know I have an entire flight system that's been working pretty good so far. I get the fuck out of there. You like, no, i'm going to go toward it. There's a resistance that shows me where to go. That's the lighthouse to go. That's where you need to go, do the work. If there's something that you're resisting like, i don't want to do that, i don't want to follow that. I don't want to let that go. I don't want to fight that thing. I don't want to let someone in. If there's a resistance, well, now you have the lighthouse, the flashlight is on. Well, that's what you need to work on then, because if you can't do it, that's where you work.
Speaker 2:You know your resistance To that point. Literally, i kid you not. You know I have been a business owner, i've not owned it, like I've just been fucking spending my wheels and I 100% did not want to get a job. 50% didn't want to get a job, because then I have to do what somebody else said Yeah, but I did. I have been. I applied for jobs and I've court. I got the first one that I went into interview for and I, but I, as soon as I got it well, soon as he, i thought I was going to get it They said, well, you take this test.
Speaker 2:I took the practice test like 25 times before I took it, because I'm like I don't want to fail the test, but I don't really want the job. So fuck it, i'll just take this and see what happens. Took me five, six days to take the test. This is not somebody not trained to, somebody actually wants to job with the company, right? You don't dick around with stuff like that, right? So I took the test. They called me. They said, yeah, perfect, got it.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, when you say, well, i don't know, your availability is like the, you know the first of July, i'm like what else? What the fuck. They're like, oh, we can start on the 10th. I'm like, that's pretty good, give me some time to figure out what I'm going to do. In my brain, that's what I'm saying. And so today I went to the test and, like, i know I am going to stay stuck if I don't take that. I know that because it's the last thing I want to do. So you know, i'm going to go, i, i, i'm going to show up and I'm all through it. And I know, on the other side of that it's going to be, what I really want And is that. You know it is what it is And I think honestly, every step I take towards that I get a little bread crumb of something good. Right, every little step that I take and I push the next step, i push it, i got it, i got it, i'm not going to, i'm good, so yeah you're right.
Speaker 1:I believe that I'm going to give you a weapon here to use the fear that you have for if you were to let go of certain things or get rid of personas, or open up your heart or open up for damage or whatever The fear may be. Uh, fear is not real, man, it's just a possibility of a future that could happen, but most of the time, never even does danger Different dangerous, if that's there is danger, but fear is just what could happen. Maybe they'll make fun of you, maybe they'll tell you you're stupid. Maybe they'll say you're not right guy for the job. I don't know. Maybe you get rejected, maybe you get fired. So just maybe could be, could be, maybe, maybe What? if it's not real, it's not happening. That's all these things that we create.
Speaker 1:Fear hates courage. In fact, it tries to attack you with the courage or your hope or your faith or your belief right away. Take that away, because if you have courage, you'll go. I know it's scary, but I'm going to do it anyway. And they go. I fucking hate when you're doing that. You should just be scared and don't do anything. Yeah, no, but I think I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to go right toward it. I know it's a big, scary smoke monster with loud speakers, but smoke and noise and it's not real, and it hates when you challenge it with courage. Now, courage is when you're looking at something that's bigger, louder and safer than you, when you say I'm doing it anyways. Tough thing with courage, though, is that looking at something that's big, loud, scary and potentially may not go well Well, it's also the recipe for stupidity, and that's what makes life a little bit hard. It's because stupid and courage can be really easy to mix up. You already know the hold my beer.
Speaker 2:Right, right, that's interesting. Yeah, that is really really interesting. You know, i think my fear is that maybe I will be successful at this job and maybe I'll make more money than I've ever made, and then I'll just be this guy that does sales remodeling. That's not sexy.
Speaker 1:Or maybe it's just the step you have to do to knock off a few of the in sincere aspects of yourself to connect with some people that you're going to work with on an authentic life. That'll make it so when you go to the next thing, you have that much less baggage and this many more connections. Maybe you're only supposed to have one friend that you meet on this journey. That helps you go to the next thing. That'll get you to the next thing. That'll get you to the next thing until you are truly you And then you're doing your purpose.
Speaker 1:Every single step takes us somewhere, but I'm just going to tell you it's a lot better to fail as you than it is to succeed as not you. You've already done that enough. Let's go fucking fail, because that'll feel way better than winning is something that we're not. We've done it. You know where it goes. You can't do it again and live out the definition of insanity. Man, you know that You're right. Let's make some new mistakes, let's try being authentic and let's fuck it all up, because the road to mastery is us failing in every way we can, and we've got this side covered. So that's done.
Speaker 1:Let's go fail in some new ways I do believe I want you to put into your purpose Is that you, being a master with masks, may make it so you can help people find authenticity, but this means you have to get really good at breaking the curse of having to be a chameleon. You have to actually find whatever that is for authenticity, and I don't know if I was the way, but maybe just knocked a couple of walls down, but at some point you're going to have to have the courage to go to that void that you've been avoiding, the thing that hurts so much that you even created the fortress around it. Well, that happened when you were not as prepared for things as you are now, and so you were very young when you even built it, so you're far more capable Now. You're going to go in there waiting to fight Cerberus, the three headed fucking demon dog, and it's going to be a puppy that just never got belly rubbed, but when you were small it was really big.
Speaker 1:Zero to seven, right, you didn't know you're going to go in there waiting to fight a demon monster And it's going to be just a dog. that was all alone, but Mark didn't know what to do. You may be surprised what you find when you go into the spots that you were scared of. That's some deep shit dude There.
Speaker 2:I appreciate you spending this time with me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got me at a good spot. Normally only have an hour. I got two more calls to do, but you happen to catch me in a two-hour block, so give me some more time with you. I appreciate that. Yeah, like God, take the wheel.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, white nickel is not working. Let's make some new mistakes. Where do we go from here? What did you want to do? you want to do some? did I mean this? it's up to you. I got a question for you. I was like this is, this is a powerful breakthrough, and I think that I'll send you the recording on this. You can do whatever you want with it Because, like I do believe that even this story of authenticity and you go and shit, man, i'm putting my shit out there This may make it so people connect to you way stronger than anything you've been doing before. And if you're stuck Going, man, what I'm doing isn't working. Maybe really you as who they're looking for. Oh, they're scary as fuck. Yeah, it is courage, courage, time. Do you see?
Speaker 2:Oh, Yeah, as I sit here, I'm like now, how many things in here do I really want people to know about?
Speaker 1:right. What happens if they know right nothing? This means you force yourself to be authentic and grow. You're going to make it so. I know too much and I put too out to be anything other than me in. In fact, i I would encourage people to call me out. Are you really being you right now? Are you being a thing? you've a good question, right? Think I'm being a thing right now. You like just be you for a second Good reminder, okay, and you may find that there's a big part of you that can't wait to connect a heart to a heart.
Speaker 1:This is, this may be part of your purpose is to do something that scares the ever fucking fuck out of you. Because I'll tell you right now, going into people's nightmares and their hells to take their pain is not the funnest job in the world, man. In fact, i very rarely have ever met anybody who ever goes. I want your job. No, i don't want to go into people's fucking hell. I don't want to go into murders and molestations and rapes and Nightmares and people being beaten and accidentally killing their brother and all kinds of crazy shadow. I want to go into that, no. Well then, let's give her to some of your stuff, i'll give it to God and then you go help somebody with your thing. I Got to go back into hell later. That's why I'll cheat you. God does not ask easy things. Tell me the story in the Bible who got the easy job? That's fair. I don't know about the Bible.
Speaker 2:I'm working on it right, But yeah, I haven't come across an easy story.
Speaker 1:You had to go through this shit, because you're gonna help people get out of this shit. You're gonna later find these curses that you have as part of the mode. That's gonna be part of the reason that you're so successful Because you were cursed, because you'll see it a mile away. I can see when people are dying, man. I can see when they're hurting inside. I can see it. You can't Can't hide it from me. I see through the masks and know what those are. Man, you have that gift because you and you're gonna see when somebody's really struggling. And I agree with you too. I don't say hey, my name is Cory and I'm an alcoholic. No, my name's Cory and I used to be an alcoholic. I'm not one anymore. That belief system is untrue. My name is Cory and I'm a chameleon. No, you used to be. Now You're a connector, like it. There's a lot of digging in there.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of digging. Hey man, i really appreciate this. What can I do for you?
Speaker 1:I don't even this. What can we do? man Like, how can I serve or how can you serve? I was just going on to see what's the opportunity, how can we connect? if you're looking to jump in and be one of my warriors, that's a different thing all together. But if you're like I was just trying to do a podcast, well yeah, didn't. Impactful one right now, one that would change lives, because you're not the only guy with this curse. I have plenty of them. I have an entire group at this curse I call shadow work. This is where the guys go into the darkness and get rid of their chameleon mass and they also play around in the Mock that other people can't play in. They come out recharged. It's a superpower that people oftentimes shame and shun. You want to do that shit? That's working with me. If you want to just make some stuff and do some fun recordings, whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, i definitely want to have you on the podcast. Not, yeah, i definitely want to have you on the podcast. Of course, money is ridiculous right now, but I would love to hear about what it is you're doing.
Speaker 1:Sure, yeah, if you ever want to do that, we can do something fun. And I don't even what's the audience that you have, like, what's your target audience? contractors, there's a lot of dudes out there who are really good guys who are all alone, but they don't have to be so. I'm happy to talk to those guys You know, even be able to connect with some of the guys, to be able to talk about, like, wearing the different hats or even having to Be all alone in this fucking world.
Speaker 1:The society right now is telling guys You have to just cowboy up, figure it out, be a man. I Think we forgot that throughout all history, the reason that men are successful. You can't build a skyscraper on your own, you can't have a one-man football team, and I've never seen anybody say, oh, the Navy seals or Delta team all work together. What a bunch of pussies. We're always stronger. We've always had to lean on each other and this makes it so that you can protect the. There. We can all get to eat tonight. You never saw you know Native Americans going out and hunting buffalo, which is you know one dude. So you got a hunt as a pack, all right? well, let's get you scheduled. Let's do it, man. So if you can just reach out to Randy, because she runs my whole schedule for me, How do I get a hold of Randy?
Speaker 2:She, the one that reached out to me, maybe Randy is a little female.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I, yeah, if she's. She's cool, though she's she's as close to a dude, for, like a woman that I got They're pretty cool. Like her husband went through my whole thing. He's actually was one of my coaches for a while and she runs the back end. So, like I said, i like God take the wheel sometimes and like these two have been such a blessing to the Warriors way And so I never saw her. She's run through the women's side.
Speaker 1:Dominic, he actually was coaching a couple of groups before he went into building tools and doing his strengths and so it's just pretty cool. Yeah, reach out to her. I just have her manage my schedule because we have I got like 50 podcasts to be on, so it's like It's bananas What's happening. But this is because I also had a breakthrough recently heart side. My heart side was repressed, just like you've got repressed sides. I had repressed sides. I broke through another one and then we blew up again. Hmm, gods waiting for you to let go so we can open up the shit you're looking for. So go through it So he can give you what you're looking for. It's crazy, man. Ask me how it works. Fucking, i don't know, i surrendered to it. I got nothing, oh.
Speaker 2:I know as it keeps working.
Speaker 1:Every time I just go Here's what I want, god. And he's like do this thing, let it go. And I'm like fuck it. And he's like here's a bunch of people.
Speaker 2:All right, tell me how we need help.
Speaker 1:Oh, let's do it. Thank you, brother I appreciate you. I appreciate you, man. Thank you for opening up, man. I really appreciate it like this is, it's a good moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is, i needed that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this is how we salute in the Warriors way put her fist over the heart. This is means I hold you close, but I also protect you from the bullshit of this world. It's an honor to have this moment.
Speaker 2:Dude, my pleasure is on the side of the table, my man. Thank you.
Speaker 1:I'll send you this. You tell me if you want to post, or we won't post this until you say, like Fucking, send it, man. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, i send it, but I think about it too much.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you not send it Super proud of you, bro, really proud of you. That's scary moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no doubt.
Speaker 1:Look at your courage already, though. How's that feel? Feel like we're closer to getting rid of this shit. Oh Yeah, you are All right, cory, if we're gonna send it, tell people how to listen to your podcast, so we can make sure. If we're gonna do this. How do people listen to you? Where do they go? What are we gonna be listening to? What's the name of the podcast?
Speaker 2:Podcast yep Successful, like podcast.
Speaker 1:Alright, we on Spotify, where people listen. Where do we go?
Speaker 2:everywhere, hey, anywhere you can go, we're on every single platform.
Speaker 1:Yeah, awesome. Well, thank you my man schedule a Randy and I'll spend some more time with you. We'll do some fun stuff. All right, i mean talk to you soon later. Go ahead later, brother, i.