Transforming Feelings into Stepping Stones for Success and Contentment

Embark on an enlightening exploration of the emotional forces shaping our lives, promising to arm you with the wisdom to harness them for your happiness and success.

We dive deep into the anatomy of emotions, dissecting the four critical elements that define our feelings: stimulus, awareness, judgment, and reaction.

As your guide, I challenge you to alter perceptions and transform your emotional landscape, offering powerful insights into the practice of mindfulness.

We scrutinize ineffective emotional coping strategies and instead, pave the way for learning from our emotions—a journey that promises to lead us to personal growth and positive change.

The pursuit of emotional well-being takes a turn towards the signs of emotional distress, exposing the havoc chronic stress and anxiety wreak on our lives.

Acknowledging and moving beyond negative life experiences is essential, and we underscore the importance of seeking help when battling poor emotional health.

Throughout this episode, we forgo one-size-fits-all solutions, instead embracing a tailored approach to cultivate a healthier emotional balance.

Join us and equip yourself with inspiring strategies that uplift your journey towards a life rich with fulfillment and achievement.

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Transcript

Behnaz: 0:01

Get ready to be inspired, motivated and empowered. Welcome to the whole Happy, successful podcast, where we will talk about positivity, mindset and different tactics and strategies to be more happy and successful. I'm your host, Behnaz Vala, and I'm on a mission help as many people as possible to be more successful through a positive mindset. So whether you're looking to improve your career, strengthen your relationships or find more happiness and fulfillment in your life? You'll find the guidance and inspiration you need right here. Join me in this fascinating journey and become more home, happy and successful. Welcome to the beautiful world of the power of mind and positive thinking. Let's start our journey together.

Behnaz: 0:56

What are emotions? We know enough about emotions to be able to define them fairly well. We can talk about being happy or sad, because we've understood these concepts since we were small. But truly understanding an emotion can seem complicated, especially when you're pushed to explain it. Every emotion is made up of four parts. Let's first see what those parts are.

Behnaz: 1:23

Number one the stimulus. For an emotion to happen, you need something which will inspire it. This can be anything at all. Generally, emotions come from outside sources, though they can also arise from your thoughts. You never know what may raise an emotion A smell, a taste, a memory, a person, a place or even an activity you're taking part in will inspire emotions. Even babies will be inspired to emotion through simple things like being hungry, uncomfortable, amused or even by the smell or sound of their caregiver. Number two your awareness. A situation alone won't be enough to inspire emotion. At some point, your mind will become aware of the situation. This can be a conscious or even unconscious thing. We start paying attention and this stimulus suddenly matters to us in a way that other things around us don't. Number three the judgment. Are you okay with this stimulus? Your unconscious self already knows your likes and dislikes and is already directing you toward either a positive or negative emotional response.

Behnaz: 2:47

Number four the reaction. Your physical self is already figuring out the situation and is responding. For example, you might not have noticed a spider that just has cuddled across your hand, but your eyes have widened significantly and you might have felt a chill. This is followed very closely by the physical reaction, in this case pulling your hand away, and possibly even a verbal expression, a scream perhaps, if you are afraid of spiders. Why is this important?

Behnaz: 3:23

If you want to change your feelings, start with these building blocks. You will always have a stimulus and your awareness of things isn't always within your control. But how you feel about the stimulus can be reshaped. Go back to the spider example. If you don't want to be afraid of spiders, you might rehearse a different reaction, starting with a new judgment. You tell yourself spiders aren't scary and try not to react when you see one. Eventually, you won't feel the fear anymore, but might move to disinterest or even curiosity when you see a spider. This takes time, but taking control of your emotions is valuable. The key be consistent. As you work on this change, soon it will come naturally.

Behnaz: 4:17

We don't always do the right thing. We eat too much, we stay out too late, we make mistakes, break promises and live a life that isn't always in keeping with our goals. All of these lead to negative emotions. Guilt, shame, even anger come creeping in to derail your attempts to get back on track. How can you handle these kinds of negative emotions without letting it ruin your day? Let's start by looking at 4 ways you might use to handle it and then move on to one technique you should be using all the time.

Behnaz: 4:56

Number 1, avoiding the emotion. Don't we love pretending we can make the emotions go away? We bury them, suppress them, explain them away, sometimes even turning to things like drugs or alcohol just to make them stop the problem. Any time you're avoiding something because of negative emotions, you're letting the emotion control you. The better solution Give yourself room to understand it and deal with the underlying cause. Number 2. Pretending the emotion is not there. This coping mechanism is a little different. You fall into it by denying you ever felt the negative emotion in the first place. Here the problem is the more you deny an emotion, the more it grows, until it can't be ignored any longer. Your solution this time is simple Acknowledge the emotion, accept it for what it is and let it fade on its own.

Behnaz: 6:02

Number 3. Becoming the emotion. Sometimes the negative emotion is so powerful it becomes part of who you are. At some point you might even start taking a certain amount of pride in it. You start saying, well, I'm just a mad person, or even bragging about how worse of you are than anyone else. Now you've become the emotion the solution. Let the feelings process, journal, talk to a friend. Whatever you need to do, do to let the emotion move on. Protep. Start encouraging positive emotions, allowing them to come in and replace the negative.

Behnaz: 6:45

Number 4. Learning the lesson. Learning the lessons of your emotions is perhaps the strongest technique of all. When you realize negative emotions are useful in your life and are there to teach you about yourself, doors start opening. You begin to see different possibilities. Feelings as educational tools have no power to control you at all, but conversely, have the power to change you in every positive way, like when you're feeling angry about injustice and you use this anger to create positive change in the world.

Behnaz: 7:25

Now let's see how we can deal with a difficult emotion using mindfulness. Mindfulness has many uses and is often prescribed by self-help gurus, doctors, writers and others as a tool anyone can use to improve their mental health. Often, this focuses on the long-term benefits of being more present and aware. At the same time, mindfulness can also be used like a scalpel to deal with more acute problems. Here we will look at how it can be leveraged, for instance, to tackle specific emotions as they arise.

Behnaz: 8:06

Let's talk about turning towards emotions. Normally, when we experience negative emotions, we react either by trying to fight them or by trying to suppress them. This can be described as almost turning away from our emotions to try and deny them their power over us. Unfortunately, this ultimately tends to result in our becoming more stressed or upset as the emotions bubble under the surface or as we frustrate ourselves in trying to fight them. Mindfulness teaches us to turn towards our emotions. What this means is that you are going to listen to the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing and then simply acknowledge them.

Behnaz: 8:55

Now you say I am stressed, I am embarrassed or I am upset. Don't be ashamed or upset that emotion exists, but simply recognize that you are currently in that state. People get upset sometimes, people get angry sometimes, but if you are simply aware of your condition, then you can be aware that perhaps the thoughts you are thinking aren't completely objective. Once more, you should keep hold of the knowledge that emotions are impermanent. In other words, you are feeling angry right now and as such, your thoughts shouldn't be taken so seriously, but in a few hours you will likely feel better and then the world will seem like a brighter place again. This creates a subtle but powerful shift. No longer is the world a terrible place, and thus you are upset. Now you are upset, and thus the world seems like a terrible place. The difference is that now you know that belief is not true. Being aware and accepting your emotions in this way will allow you to assess them in a kind of debriefing and to look at what triggered them, how you dealt with them and what they made you think and do. The more you break down and intellectualize your emotions, the more you will find your gain control over them.

Behnaz: 10:25

Now let's talk a little about emotional healing. First of all, let's see what emotional healing is. It's the process by which you recover emotionally and mentally from a negative life experience. You can't keep tough times from appearing in your life. When you are emotionally healthy and balanced, you deal with those difficult situations that inevitably pop up and you can move on with your life. Sometimes we don't understand we need emotional healing. That's the problem. If you suffer from some physical injury and have a broken bone, you can see it. You can certainly feel it. You know you have to get it fixed. This isn't always the case when your emotions are out of whack. You might think your emotional responses to your experiences are correct and healthy, but they may not be. Here are 5 signs you could use some emotional healing to live a more complete and fulfilling life.

Behnaz: 11:27

Number 1. You don't experience a wide range of emotions. You have access to 34,000 different and unique emotions. That's what psychologist Robert Plutek believed. He stated that most of us only experience 8 primary emotions most of the time. These are anger, sadness, disgust, trust, fear, joy, surprise and anticipation. If only a couple of those are usually present, you probably need more emotional balance. This could indicate that you aren't properly processing situations and human interactions.

Behnaz: 12:13

Number 2. You have a low self-esteem and a poor self-image. This is a consequence of what we just talked about. You constantly look down on yourself. Everyone has times when they doubt their abilities. That's only normal when you cover and move on. The emotionally unhealthy person usually has a low sense of self-worth, even when there is evidence this isn't the case. Number 3. You have difficulty trusting others. A lack of trust can come from emotional imbalance. You must love yourself and truly believe you can overcome a bad relationship experience or you will never trust others.

Behnaz: 12:59

4. You can't move past the negative experience. Life can be difficult, at times seemingly impossible. It might look like you will never recover in the middle of the most trying hardship. You will Don't embrace and hold onto negative emotions. Practice gratitude for the great things in your life. Lean on your support network and get whatever help you need if you can't seem to let go of negative emotions.

Behnaz: 13:32

5. You have constant anxiety and distress. Chronic stress is a killer and has been directly linked to many common causes of death. A constant display of stress and anxiety could mean you are not always responding to life correctly where your emotions are concerned. There is no miracle pill you can pop to always enjoy perfect emotional balance. You will have ups and downs, experiencing difficult times that hurt you emotionally. For you to live your best life and for those that love you, you need to learn to recognize a negative life experience, give it its due and then move on. Consider seeking help if you often display these signs of poor emotional health. Stay tuned for the next episode, where we will continue to explore important topics related to being home happy and successful. I'm so looking forward to talking to you next week. Expect the best, and the best will happen to you.