SPEAKER_00: Ministering to the heart of Western Arkansas's River Valley for over 165 years, welcome to Chapter and First, the Bible Teaching Ministry of Fort Smith's First Baptist Church.
SPEAKER_00: You'll find sermons and teachings from Pastor Greg, our ministry staff, and guest speakers.
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
SPEAKER_01: Turn with me to our textbook for this series on parenting.
SPEAKER_01: And it's we've been using Deuteronomy 11 as our textbook, and we'll continue to do that today.
SPEAKER_01: Biblical parenting in a chaotic culture.
SPEAKER_01: We're going to continue the message that we started last week, but as we've done each week, I want to review with you what our goal in parenting is.
SPEAKER_01: Our biblical definition of biblical parenting is this raising your children to have a relationship with Jesus so that when they're adults, they will walk with Him and serve Him.
SPEAKER_01: And so it is so important these times like today where we are focusing on who God is and how that helps us teach our children who God is.
SPEAKER_01: We're going to continue this, the last part of the message that we started last week with just some biblical principles on parenting.
SPEAKER_01: But as we do that, I want you to look at the text with me this morning, Deuteronomy chapter 11, verse 18.
SPEAKER_01: So we've been breaking down this passage of Scripture over several weeks.
SPEAKER_01: You know, he is Joshua is teaching the children of Israel how to be parents, how to build biblical families.
SPEAKER_01: And as they step into the land of Canaan and take over that land to become God's people, at the core of that are families raising their children to know who God is and to serve him, exactly what we've talked about.
SPEAKER_01: So the Bible tells us again in Deuteronomy chapter 11, verse 18, imprint these words of mine on your hearts and minds, bind them as a sign on your hands, and let them be a symbol on your foreheads.
SPEAKER_01: That's the instruction to the parents for us to have hidden God's word in our heart, to be walking with him.
SPEAKER_01: And then he says in verse 19, Teach them these same truths, teaching, commands, and all of that, teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up, write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, so that as long as the heavens are above the earth, your days and those of your children may be many in the land, the Lord swore to give to your fathers.
SPEAKER_01: Again, we've seen how that shows a picture that fathers and grandfathers should have a vision for their families' spiritual future.
SPEAKER_01: And in order to do that, the Bible all through gives us incredible instructions as parents and for you as grandparents ways to encourage your children and your grandchildren as they are raising them.
SPEAKER_01: So last week we uh we started talking about that.
SPEAKER_01: These are four truths that we are trying to teach.
SPEAKER_01: We have encapsulated those when he says in verse 18, imprint these words of mine on your hearts and minds, and then teach them to your children.
SPEAKER_01: These are the truths we're trying to teach.
SPEAKER_01: Love the Lord, know who God is and love him, obey his commandments and strip scripture, gratefulness, and a sense of stewardship about God's provision so they know and understand who God is, and then to live as God's people for his glory.
SPEAKER_01: Those are the of the things that we're trying to teach our children.
SPEAKER_01: Now, last week we ended at number four on this list of ten, and I talked about building a family library and some resources.
SPEAKER_01: This week I will post on social media a list of those resources.
SPEAKER_01: I've waited to this week because Janet and I also this week recorded for our Triangle Podcast a discussion and explanation of those resources and how to use them.
SPEAKER_01: So we pray that that's a practical and help a help to your family.
SPEAKER_01: Those drop every Thursday morning, and so we pray that that list and our discussion of that will be helpful to you.
SPEAKER_01: Also, as I'm plowing through these notes, we want you to know we've started a second podcast called Chapter and First.
SPEAKER_01: You can get it on anywhere you get your podcasts or off the website, and those are the messages.
SPEAKER_01: So we've had a lot of requests from people to put those in a platform so they can use them while they're working out or walking or whatever.
SPEAKER_01: And so you'll find that on the website as well, and you can review these messages as I go through these things.
SPEAKER_01: So we talked about last time building that family library.
SPEAKER_01: So number five in this list of ten is this ask questions.
SPEAKER_01: When I went to law school, they describe this method of teaching as the Socratic teaching method.
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm using that as a general term because there's a lot of details to that.
SPEAKER_01: But in essence, what it does is use the power of questions to create a conversation and discourse between the teacher and the student so that the student is challenged to critical thinking and working their way through a thought process.
SPEAKER_01: Now, I want you to do that a little bit differently than they did it to us when I was in law school, okay?
SPEAKER_01: Because the goal of the teacher in law school was not to teach us, it was to humiliate us in front of our students, right?
SPEAKER_01: That kind of happened a lot, and you kind of knew that was there.
SPEAKER_01: But when you're teaching your kids, one of the best tools that you can use is to ask them questions.
SPEAKER_01: What do you think about that?
SPEAKER_01: Why do you think we do this?
SPEAKER_01: Hey, do you enjoy this?
SPEAKER_01: You hear a song, maybe you're in the car and you've got a song and it sings about heaven.
SPEAKER_01: What do you think about heaven?
SPEAKER_01: What is your picture of heaven?
SPEAKER_01: Do you know how we go to heaven?
SPEAKER_01: Use that to teach.
SPEAKER_01: It is an incredibly powerful teaching method.
SPEAKER_01: Again, put yourselves in a practical understanding of Scripture.
SPEAKER_01: Teach them to your children, talking about these words when you walk along the road.
SPEAKER_01: How do you think they're discussing these things?
SPEAKER_01: Do you think it's effective all day long to just lecture your kids or preach to them?
SPEAKER_01: No.
SPEAKER_01: But what do you think they're doing when they're talking through the morning, when you get up in the morning, when you put them to bed at night, and it says talk about them when you lay down at night, talk about them when you walk in the way.
SPEAKER_01: You are engaging your children in a discourse where you are helping them learn to process things on their own.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus, we know, was the greatest teacher that has ever walked the planet.
SPEAKER_01: If you will do a quick read through one of the Gospels and just make a note how many times Jesus used questions as his method of teaching.
SPEAKER_01: He stops his disciples and he says, Who do people say that I am?
SPEAKER_01: And they create a discussion.
SPEAKER_01: And then Jesus leads them to, who do you say that I am?
SPEAKER_01: And they are working through their confession that he is Lord.
SPEAKER_01: You think about at the end of his ministry, after he's risen from the grave and he's preparing them to go forward, and he talks to Peter and he says, Do you love me?
SPEAKER_01: And Peter says, Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: And he says, Do you love me?
SPEAKER_01: And then Peter says, Yes, and he says, Do you love me?
SPEAKER_01: And he's walking them through a series of love and increasing in the original language every different way that he talked about love, bringing Peter to that point.
SPEAKER_01: And Peter gets to that point where he's riveted to Jesus and then he says, Then feed my sheep, and he gives him an instruction.
SPEAKER_01: You think about with the rich young ruler how he engages him in questions and gets that man to begin to process as Jesus leads him to that place.
SPEAKER_01: All throughout Scripture, Jesus uses the method of questioning because of the impact that it has on the learner as we process through that.
SPEAKER_01: Ask your children questions.
SPEAKER_01: Talk to them.
SPEAKER_01: You'll hear what they're thinking.
SPEAKER_01: You'll learn about their thought process and their logic.
SPEAKER_01: They will bring you questions.
SPEAKER_01: If you ask them questions and listen to their answers, if you will engage them in a way that they know that you are concerned about what they think and you want to hear their thought processes, they'll come and ask you questions.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, one of the worst things as a parent, and I remember the terror that we would be downstairs watching television or creating dinner, and our kids were little and they were upstairs in their rooms or playing or whatever, and all of a sudden I notice silence.
SPEAKER_01: Is that not right, parents?
SPEAKER_01: Man, if the house is silent, something bad is happening.
SPEAKER_01: You know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01: They are in the middle of something that is not gonna go well, right?
SPEAKER_01: And so, don't you think our Heavenly Father knows that?
SPEAKER_01: He does not want to hear silence from us.
SPEAKER_01: He loves it when we ask, when we question, when we talk to him.
SPEAKER_01: And as a parent, you understand that too.
SPEAKER_01: So I want to encourage you, ask your questions your children.
SPEAKER_01: Use moments like a song or Sunday school.
SPEAKER_01: What did you learn in Sunday school today?
SPEAKER_01: And what do you think about that?
SPEAKER_01: And talk to them and learn and listen to them.
SPEAKER_01: That is an incredibly biblical model of teaching that is shown throughout Scripture and that Jesus models as a teacher.
SPEAKER_01: Number six, you must evaluate and control the influences over your children.
SPEAKER_01: I could do a whole sermon series on just this right here.
SPEAKER_01: So I don't want to get bogged down it, but I want to give you some thoughts about this.
SPEAKER_01: First of all, as you're evaluating and controlling the influence over your children, you need to consider the amount of influence.
SPEAKER_01: The time that they are having a Jesus investment in their minds and hearts versus the amount of times that the world is talking to them.
SPEAKER_01: If you'll consider it, you are playing from behind every week.
SPEAKER_01: Teachers in the school system have your kids every day more hours than you do awake.
SPEAKER_01: You're already behind.
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm not saying the school is a bad influence, but what I'm saying is there are influences in that.
SPEAKER_01: And when they're in school, there are other kids in school who are not raised in Christian homes, and they are teaching them things and giving worldview impressions, and they are talking together and asking questions, and they are learning things, and all of that is going on.
SPEAKER_01: Every time you see your kids with headphones in their ears, they are listening to music.
SPEAKER_01: What kind of music are they listening to?
SPEAKER_01: And what is the influence of that?
SPEAKER_01: And what is the amount of time Jesus versus other things that are going in in their minds and hearts?
SPEAKER_01: If you'll think about it, it does not take you very long to figure out that we are playing catch up all the way through that.
SPEAKER_01: Just in terms of volume of time.
SPEAKER_01: And so you have got to spend time, time, time putting Jesus in them.
SPEAKER_01: If you think about it, baseball coaches, basketball coaches, cheerleading coaches, band directors, all of that, those are great.
SPEAKER_01: I played ball, I was in the band, we had our kids do the same thing.
SPEAKER_01: It's awesome.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not being negative about any of that, but you've got to figure it is hard for you to compete time-wise the amount of Jesus that you get in your kids versus everything else that goes on there.
SPEAKER_01: And you have got to be focused first on just the sheer volume of time and get as much Jesus as you can into your kids.
SPEAKER_01: Next, you need to consider the medium of influence.
SPEAKER_01: The medium of influence.
SPEAKER_01: First of all, think about devices, cell phones, right?
SPEAKER_01: iPads.
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm not against those per se, okay?
SPEAKER_01: So that's not part of life and how it works.
SPEAKER_01: But let me tell you what, studies are coming out now with two generations of kids with cell phones, and I'm telling you, the effect is devastating if you do not control the amount of time that your children are on devices.
SPEAKER_01: There is a medical impact.
SPEAKER_01: It reduces the development of your brain.
SPEAKER_01: It literally affects the development and the physiology of your brain as a child as you are growing.
SPEAKER_01: It destroys attention span without balance.
SPEAKER_01: I have studies on my desk that show these things.
SPEAKER_01: The amount of time that kids spend on phones and on iPads in games and focused on that, their socialization skills are very limited and falling behind as a culture.
SPEAKER_01: It's incredible the impact of it.
SPEAKER_01: You have people now that can't, they can't, it's hard to engage in relationships.
SPEAKER_01: It's now having an effect on dating relationships and working relationships.
SPEAKER_01: And the age at which people get married now continues to get older and older for first-time marriages.
SPEAKER_01: The dysfunction that this creates when it is no longer a tool and it becomes a focus is devastating.
SPEAKER_01: This is not a babysitter.
SPEAKER_01: This is not here to distract your kids and keep their attention so you can do something else.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: This is not their car companion that keeps them distracted.
SPEAKER_01: So you're not hearing, are we there yet?
SPEAKER_01: Are we there yet?
SPEAKER_01: I have to go to the bathroom.
SPEAKER_01: He got on my side of the car, she touched me, all those conversations that you hear, right?
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Use that time in the car for something else.
SPEAKER_01: Use it.
SPEAKER_01: You limit their time.
SPEAKER_01: The younger they are, the more you limit it.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: And you have to consider the medium of that influence.
SPEAKER_01: You also have to consider the amount of access that those things create to everything in the world.
SPEAKER_01: Good, no value one way or the other, and evil.
SPEAKER_01: And parents, you have got to be on top of those things.
SPEAKER_01: Music is also a very specific medium.
SPEAKER_01: Music addresses the heart and the mind in a way that few other things do.
SPEAKER_01: A song will stick in your head for the rest of your life.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's incredible the things that you learn, right?
SPEAKER_01: Just a test.
SPEAKER_01: John, Jacob.
SPEAKER_01: When did you learn that?
SPEAKER_01: Decades ago, right?
SPEAKER_01: It's incredible.
SPEAKER_01: If I was really evil, I'd start breaking out into some 1970s rock and roll and illustrate how many of you are cool and love real music.
SPEAKER_01: Because you'll remember all of those words, right?
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it sticks forever.
SPEAKER_01: Music sticks forever.
SPEAKER_01: And so what you need to understand is on a positive side, when you are balancing the amount of time with the world with Jesus time, and you invest in music, and you find music that your kids listen to, and you sing that with them, and you do all that, and you learn all that and you invest that in there, it does not walk away.
SPEAKER_01: It does not walk away.
SPEAKER_01: And the amount of time this other stuff they listen to, I mean, it's there is some, there's fine, there's bubblegum stuff, and there's like normal stuff and all that.
SPEAKER_01: And then there's some horrible things out there.
SPEAKER_01: And when those horrible things are lyrics to music, it rivets in your brain and heart in a different way.
SPEAKER_01: And so you need to consider the medium of the influence and think through that as you're evaluating and controlling what they get.
SPEAKER_01: You also have another part of this influence, and that's the nature of the influence.
SPEAKER_01: Social media, video, online gaming, all of that, there are incredibly powerful things that are happening.
SPEAKER_01: We have, let me give you an example.
SPEAKER_01: We have an epidemic of depression in teenage girls because of the impact of TikTok and social media.
SPEAKER_01: All of that imagery and all of that false picture of beauty and everything else is creating literally an epidemic nationwide of self-image, of depression, of stress, and all of that.
SPEAKER_01: It's incredible when you read the extent of that.
SPEAKER_01: There are more antidepressants being given to this generation as teenagers than any time in American history.
SPEAKER_01: You have surveys that are speaking to the lives of teenagers, and they are under devastating levels of stress.
SPEAKER_01: Now, the first time I read that, I'm like, stress?
SPEAKER_01: Like, you don't have to pay the bills.
SPEAKER_01: What's going on?
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you don't go, but I'm telling you what, the amount of stress they're under trying to determine identity, trying to sort through information, the bullying that goes on, the things that they have to worry about, the images that are striking at their confidence level, the things that are keeping them from interacting in healthy relationships that are encouraging to each other, that strengthen them rather than bring them down is devastating.
SPEAKER_01: And you have got to understand those things.
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to tell you again, TikTok.
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you, if you are a Chinese teenager living in China, the only thing that TikTok brings up to you are encouraging and educational videos.
SPEAKER_01: And they have a different algorithm that they are feeding to our children that are that are opening up the gates of the sewer, trying to drive that into the hearts and minds of teenagers in America.
SPEAKER_01: And we are blind to the nature of these influences.
SPEAKER_01: Video games.
SPEAKER_01: You can spend all kinds of time talking about the psychology of video games.
SPEAKER_01: It is desensitizing, it destroys their attention span.
SPEAKER_01: They are locked in that deal, and they are not developing social skills, they are not developing imagination or critical thinking skills, and you have got to limit those things.
SPEAKER_01: Parents, period.
SPEAKER_01: And we've got to evaluate the nature of that influence and the amount of time.
SPEAKER_01: And finally, people of influence.
SPEAKER_01: Friends.
SPEAKER_01: Peer pressure can be great if they're godly friends, and it's devastating if they are not.
SPEAKER_01: Adult influences, teachers, coaches, Sunday school teachers, youth pastors, children's pastors.
SPEAKER_01: There are all kinds of positive and negative influences, and you must be constantly on guard and evaluating them.
SPEAKER_01: When they go to a friend's house to play, you need to know what they're doing at that house and how those parents are wired.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: We need to know all those things.
SPEAKER_01: There are great people.
SPEAKER_01: Man, my dad, I remember my dad telling me there was a guy in our youth group, great guy, loved Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: Dad taught him in Sunday school, and my dad told me this son, he was two years older than me.
SPEAKER_01: He says, son, he says, you follow him around and do what he does.
SPEAKER_01: And if he doesn't go there, don't go there.
SPEAKER_01: He says, I can't follow you around all the time.
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna make chances, but if you're with him, whatever happens, I promise you, you will not get in trouble.
SPEAKER_01: If you're with that kid, or if you're with that girl, you're gonna always be in trouble.
SPEAKER_01: And he'd tell me that.
SPEAKER_01: And we told our kids the same thing.
SPEAKER_01: You want to help them get in the right spots.
SPEAKER_01: Role models in society.
SPEAKER_01: A commentator, former NBA basketball player, said one time, I'm not a role model.
SPEAKER_01: That is true.
SPEAKER_01: They are not role models.
SPEAKER_01: They are ball players.
SPEAKER_01: They are talking heads on television.
SPEAKER_01: They are music people.
SPEAKER_01: They're whatever.
SPEAKER_01: They are not role models.
SPEAKER_01: You do not follow them.
SPEAKER_01: You do not put them on a pedestal or anything else.
SPEAKER_01: Those are not role models.
SPEAKER_01: Role models are in scripture.
SPEAKER_01: Role models are Sunday school teachers, deacons in the church, student pastors.
SPEAKER_01: Those are role models.
SPEAKER_01: And so you have got to spend time working through the people of influence and shaping that in the lives of your children.
SPEAKER_01: Number seven.
SPEAKER_01: The Bible says bad company corrupts good morals.
SPEAKER_01: In vain with that, you need to walk with families at church who are going in the same direction that you are.
SPEAKER_01: Again, we have three things to get through this life.
SPEAKER_01: You have the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_01: When you are saved, we are given.
SPEAKER_01: In the Word of God that guides us as a lamp unto our feet, light into our path, and we have the body of Christ.
SPEAKER_01: And when you take away the body of Christ, you have taken away one third of the spiritual strength that you have to walk with Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: And when you take away the body of Christ, you have taken away that from your children.
SPEAKER_01: You understand that?
SPEAKER_01: When you skip church and Sunday school, you have taken your children out of church and Sunday school.
SPEAKER_01: When you limit those relationships, you are limiting for your children.
SPEAKER_01: In a narcissistic culture like today, coming out of COVID, where we think it's fine to just watch it on television or whatever, and I'm glad, I'm grateful for our television audience, I'm grateful that we're online.
SPEAKER_01: And it's great when you're traveling on vacation, which you should do family vacations, you can keep track of all that.
SPEAKER_01: But listen, it is not a substitute for being in church.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm never going to apologize for saying that as clearly as I can.
SPEAKER_01: And listen to me, parents, twice a month does not get it for your children.
SPEAKER_01: Just can't tell you any better than that.
SPEAKER_01: That sounds pretty legalistic, Pastor.
SPEAKER_01: No, it sounds wise and biblical.
SPEAKER_01: The Bible says in the book of Hebrews, chapter 10, do not forsake the gathering together of yourselves, as is the habit of some.
SPEAKER_01: And to forsake something means that you had a duty to it.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: Just you we take on the influences and the attitudes and the actions of the people that were around the most.
SPEAKER_01: And you need to find families that are walking with Jesus and raising their kids the same way, and you need to get involved with each other.
SPEAKER_01: I can't tell you how much time Janet spent at the playground or at the park, which didn't cost any money, with other moms, from stroller and babies to swing sets to whatever.
SPEAKER_01: They were around each other as much as they could possibly be.
SPEAKER_01: We were around each other as families as much as we possibly could be.
SPEAKER_01: You need your children to be around people who are walking with Jesus so they know and understand it.
SPEAKER_01: It becomes normative to them.
SPEAKER_01: Number eight, prioritize teaching choices and consequences.
SPEAKER_01: This is a lost thing in our culture today.
SPEAKER_01: Look in Deuteronomy chapter 11, verse 26.
SPEAKER_01: All throughout the Bible, this is a constant theme of Scripture.
SPEAKER_01: In the Garden of Eden, God put a tree with commands so that Adam and Eve would have a choice.
SPEAKER_01: When he sent them into the land of Canaan in verse 26, Joshua tells the people this look today, I set before you a blessing and a curse.
SPEAKER_01: There will be a blessing if you obey the commands of the Lord your God I'm giving you today, and a curse if you do not obey the commands of the Lord your God, and you turn aside from the path I command you today by following other gods you have not known.
SPEAKER_01: And so all throughout Scripture is this principle of understanding that you are responsible for your spiritual choices.
SPEAKER_01: And you are responsible whether you're going to choose to obey the Lord or not.
SPEAKER_01: And all throughout Scripture is this teaching of choices, and you must prioritize your children to teach them how to make choices and let them suffer the consequences of the choices.
SPEAKER_01: Helicopter parenting and removing the bad consequences, that is not loving as a parent.
SPEAKER_01: When they're little, disobedience, you chose this is sin, here's punishment, whatever, they've got to learn good choices, good things, bad choices, bad things.
SPEAKER_01: As they grow older, their choices get more significant.
SPEAKER_01: And so you need to have the consequences more significant.
SPEAKER_01: There need to be blessings when they're obedient.
SPEAKER_01: You need to bless them.
SPEAKER_01: You need to bless them verbally and spiritually and tangibly.
SPEAKER_01: And you need to learn to give a little more responsibility as they show themselves good.
SPEAKER_01: And then as they make bad choices, you restrict that back and help them understand that.
SPEAKER_01: Because when they're 16 and they're on a date and you're not in the car with them, they are going to make choices.
SPEAKER_01: And if you have not trained them how to make them, man, you are rolling the dice, parents.
SPEAKER_01: And so we've got to teach them that.
SPEAKER_01: Galatians chapter 6.
SPEAKER_01: The Bible says this God is not mocked.
SPEAKER_01: Whatever a man sows, that will he also reap.
SPEAKER_01: Sowing and reaping.
SPEAKER_01: And we must teach our children those things and help them understand that and walk through the consequences with them.
SPEAKER_01: Don't remove them.
SPEAKER_01: I had a time with one of my sons, they were middle schoolers and they were doing what middle schoolers do and all that.
SPEAKER_01: And they were shooting spitwads with paper clips and rubber bands.
SPEAKER_01: How many have done that?
SPEAKER_01: Come on, y'all.
SPEAKER_01: Everybody's done it, right?
SPEAKER_01: We all there.
SPEAKER_01: I see all the guys raising their hands, right?
SPEAKER_01: So he's doing that, whatever, and he had some liberal nut job teacher.
SPEAKER_01: I'm whatever.
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of great teachers.
SPEAKER_01: I love teachers, but my mother-in-law's teacher, my mom's a teacher, it's all good.
SPEAKER_01: But this one was not.
SPEAKER_01: She was bad.
SPEAKER_01: And she was climbing on people and all that.
SPEAKER_01: Well, he shoots, you know, and it hits somebody in the back of the head or whatever, and she goes bananas, like screaming like a banshee.
SPEAKER_01: You could put people's eye out, you could kill them with a paperwater.
SPEAKER_01: Like, really, I mean, give me a break.
SPEAKER_01: And so I get called to the principal's office.
SPEAKER_01: We're in there with the assistant principal, and he was a great guy, but he was a little too loose.
SPEAKER_01: He was great.
SPEAKER_01: So he talks to Grant, what goes on, and so Grant tells him, and Grant's already kind of like, you know, this is stupid, and that woman lost her mind.
SPEAKER_01: I know, like, and so the principal goes, Yeah, I know Grant.
SPEAKER_01: She's kind of crazy, isn't she?
SPEAKER_01: He said, That's all right.
SPEAKER_01: Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01: We'll just fake something here, and she'll think you got in trouble.
SPEAKER_01: I got your back, it's all good.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking, well, I really like that guy.
SPEAKER_01: And then I'm going, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_01: I'm a dad.
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to teach my kids.
SPEAKER_01: And so I looked at him and I said, Dude, look, I appreciate the balance because she was out of balance, but you can't remove the consequences from him.
SPEAKER_01: And Grant's looking at me like, what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_01: We just got out of here without being in trouble.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, son, it wasn't that big a deal, and the punishment ought to fit the crime, but it was a crime, son.
SPEAKER_01: You did wrong.
SPEAKER_01: You were disrupting class and you need to pay some consequences for it.
SPEAKER_01: So I had to talk the principal into give and grant detention hall.
SPEAKER_01: It took a week or so to recover from that.
SPEAKER_01: But you got to teach your kids consequences because there are consequences.
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't teach them that, how are you gonna teach them this?
SPEAKER_01: The wages of sin is death.
SPEAKER_01: How are you gonna teach that if you don't teach that truth?
SPEAKER_01: Number nine.
SPEAKER_01: Exercise discipline.
SPEAKER_01: Discipline.
SPEAKER_01: Now I know some of you hardcore folks in there like, he's gonna start talking about spanking and all that kind of stuff, right?
SPEAKER_01: No.
SPEAKER_01: Discipline is not punishing.
SPEAKER_01: Discipline is teaching to a character.
SPEAKER_01: That's what discipline is.
SPEAKER_01: It goes through habits, it goes through choices, and it does include consequences.
SPEAKER_01: And so when there is a bad choice, there are bad consequences to that.
SPEAKER_01: But discipline is a much greater picture than that.
SPEAKER_01: And you need to get in your mind that habits are very much as important as the discipline, what we call discipline or chastisement when they've done wrong.
SPEAKER_01: And you've got to keep in mind the purpose is character.
SPEAKER_01: We have too many parents that don't discipline anything.
SPEAKER_01: And we have this mode of parenting now where people are like, oh, well, little junior did something wrong because little junior's in stress because people are basically good.
SPEAKER_01: And so now I've got to talk with them and talk through their feelings.
SPEAKER_01: It's a seven-year-old, and they have sin in their heart.
SPEAKER_01: That's why they did wrong.
SPEAKER_01: Period.
SPEAKER_01: The Bible teaches very clearly through one man, sinner entered into the world.
SPEAKER_01: We are all sinners by birth, by nature, and by choice.
SPEAKER_01: If you want to engage in a sociological experiment with me, I invite you to meet me in two weeks.
SPEAKER_01: Next week we're at the river.
SPEAKER_01: In two weeks, meet me over in the preschool area.
SPEAKER_01: And your precious little grandkids that are over there that are two years old, we're going to do a sociological experiment.
SPEAKER_01: And we're going to put them in a circle, and we're going to take away all the toys, and we're going to put one toy in the center of the circle.
SPEAKER_01: And we are going to prove the existence of the innate, sinful heart of mankind.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: You with me?
SPEAKER_01: They do that because there is sin in our hearts.
SPEAKER_01: As believers, we understand the reason that Jesus stepped out of heaven and died on the cross for us is because we are sinners.
SPEAKER_01: All we like sheep have gone astray.
SPEAKER_01: And we've turned everyone to his wicked way.
SPEAKER_01: So our children are not evil, but our children are sinners.
SPEAKER_01: And we have to teach them that Jesus is holy.
SPEAKER_01: God's standard is holiness.
SPEAKER_01: We need to teach them to move in that direction and to pursue him.
SPEAKER_01: And we need to teach them that there is a blessing and a curse.
SPEAKER_01: And as they get older, we need to teach them Jesus died on the cross because he paid the price for your sin.
SPEAKER_01: Your sins will be paid for.
SPEAKER_01: Jesus paid the price for your sins on the cross if you'll trust him as your Savior.
SPEAKER_01: And so we've got to teach them to pursue that, right?
SPEAKER_01: So there are two areas I think that are critical in this.
SPEAKER_01: First is authority.
SPEAKER_01: You are teaching your children to respect authority.
SPEAKER_01: And there is a move today where everyone is like, all authority is bad, all organizations are bad, and all that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_01: Listen to me, that is a lie from the pit of hell.
SPEAKER_01: Authority is a biblical concept.
SPEAKER_01: That's why the Bible says Jesus is the head of the church.
SPEAKER_01: And we are to be submitted to him.
SPEAKER_01: And we must teach our children authority.
SPEAKER_01: How are they ever going to understand that God is God and I am not unless they are under authority?
SPEAKER_01: If you take the structure of the Ten Commandments, you have the very beginning of that: love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.
SPEAKER_01: Make no other images or graven images, and do not take the name of God in vain.
SPEAKER_01: In the last half of that, you have all of this: don't murder, don't lie, don't kill, how we relate to each other and all of that.
SPEAKER_01: The middle commandment is this: honor your father and your mother so that your days may be long on the earth.
SPEAKER_01: Why is that there?
SPEAKER_01: Because it is the axle on which that wheel turns.
SPEAKER_01: It is the linchpin that holds all of that together.
SPEAKER_01: How am I ever going to learn to respect and honor God and have no other gods?
SPEAKER_01: And how am I going to learn to respect other people if I never learn respect?
SPEAKER_01: How am I going to learn to obey God's commands if I never learn that there is an authority that demands my obedience and has the right to judge my failure to obey?
SPEAKER_01: And so we've got to teach our children authority.
SPEAKER_01: We've got to teach them respect.
SPEAKER_01: We've got to teach them first to respect their mom and dads because that's how they learn to respect their heavenly father.
SPEAKER_01: And as they grow through that process, that is what we've got to teach.
SPEAKER_01: And one of the hardest things to do is to understand each child and to coach, teach, discipline, work through however their innate sense of rebellion pushes against authority.
SPEAKER_01: I had one child, man, if you came down too hard on them, you crushed their spirit.
SPEAKER_01: I had another child, you couldn't crush their spirit with an atom bomb.
SPEAKER_01: They're different.
SPEAKER_01: And so you have to work through that with each of them differently.
SPEAKER_01: And then there is accountability.
SPEAKER_01: Discipline is accountability.
SPEAKER_01: Did you clean your room?
SPEAKER_01: Well, then you're going to be punished.
SPEAKER_01: You have to clean your room because you have to learn discipline.
SPEAKER_01: And you have to hold them accountable to learn those things.
SPEAKER_01: My little sister, this is incredible.
SPEAKER_01: She taught her three boys, boys, mind you, from like the time they could walk, they put their dirty clothes in the dirty clothes hamper.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's amazing.
SPEAKER_01: Like, there's all kinds of stuff that they break and all that, but they never throw their dirty socks on the floor.
SPEAKER_01: Why?
SPEAKER_01: Because she taught them how to do that.
SPEAKER_01: She held them accountable.
SPEAKER_01: They can do those things.
SPEAKER_01: And you learn these disciplines in the Army.
SPEAKER_01: Why do you think they learn with teaching you to make your bed?
SPEAKER_01: There's a video that goes around a general speaking to the graduating class at West Point, and the linchpin of his deal was the most important thing you'll do in life is make your bed.
SPEAKER_01: And then he unpacks why.
SPEAKER_01: Because that is a discipline that builds character, and he who is faithful and little will be faith and much and faithful and much.
SPEAKER_01: And when you're doing that process, you are building discipline that causes you to pursue what you should be pursuing and avoid what you should be avoiding.
SPEAKER_01: And you as parents have to hold your children accountable.
SPEAKER_01: Boy, my parents understood that.
SPEAKER_01: My dad was a huge accountability guy.
SPEAKER_01: I remember, man, we get we never got away with anything.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, my mom had eyes in the back of her head, and my dad was omniscient.
SPEAKER_01: I have no idea how they knew everything we did.
SPEAKER_01: It was unbelievable.
SPEAKER_01: But he also really had this sort of thing, and every now and then what he'd do is we'd get in trouble.
SPEAKER_01: We'd be poking each other, wrestling the back of the car.
SPEAKER_01: Y'all settle down, whatever, whatever.
SPEAKER_01: Y'all settle down.
SPEAKER_01: Next time I say this, you're gonna get a whipping when you get home.
SPEAKER_01: And we'd and he knew this game, right?
SPEAKER_01: My dad was evil, man.
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling you, it was awful.
SPEAKER_01: You guys tell me how tough your dad is.
SPEAKER_01: Like, my dad was tough.
SPEAKER_01: It was his way or the highway.
SPEAKER_01: Look, my dad didn't give us the highway option in my house, all right?
SPEAKER_01: He was tough.
SPEAKER_01: Every now and then, like once every 15 times, he would forget to give us a whipping, right?
SPEAKER_01: Or forget to ground us or whatever the punishment was.
SPEAKER_01: And it was evil because now you had this hope.
SPEAKER_01: If I'm really quiet, he'll forget.
SPEAKER_01: And I later asked my dad about that, and he's laughing, and he goes, you know, son, that's really an art.
SPEAKER_01: Because if you because if you go too long, then it you can't make the connection, and kids are literal.
SPEAKER_01: And if you go too short, then y'all just think we're gonna forget all the time.
SPEAKER_01: So he says, it's really art to find that balance where it really works to change your behavior.
SPEAKER_01: I said, Dad, that's just wrong.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's just rotten.
SPEAKER_01: But he understood accountability and it taught us that.
SPEAKER_01: And so, as children, you need to be teaching your children authority and accountability.
SPEAKER_01: And you need to be teaching them in a way that's loving, where they respect, right?
SPEAKER_01: Like we taught our kids, you know, respect the law, respect police officers, firemen, they're there to help you and all that.
SPEAKER_01: I remember my daughter, uh, my daughter really had a struggle with that, and she started driving, and boy, she was frustrated and she was afraid of cops, and you'd see a car and she'd flinch, and we're she's doing driving lessons and she's doing fine, and a police officer would be over there, and she's like freaking out.
SPEAKER_01: I was like, what's wrong with you?
SPEAKER_01: They're there to help you, they're there to help you.
SPEAKER_01: And she just never could get through that.
SPEAKER_01: And so when we were living in Cabot, she was a student at Arkansas State.
SPEAKER_01: She'd been home for the weekend, she was heading back, and she got about halfway there, and she calls us on the cell phone, and she is so excited.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, she can't stand it.
SPEAKER_01: She is so thrilled.
SPEAKER_01: She said, Dad, you're not gonna believe what happened.
SPEAKER_01: I said, What?
SPEAKER_01: Tell me about it.
SPEAKER_01: She said, I was driving there, and there was a policeman, he had a state trooper, and he had this car pulled over on the side, and I pulled over to the left lane, and I passed him because you toss to do that, and they make me nervous, and you know that.
SPEAKER_01: And we drove past him, and I got two miles down the road, and all of a sudden the lights are going woo-woo-woo behind me, and I'm freaked out, and I pull over, and the guy pulls me over.
SPEAKER_01: Why'd he pull me over?
SPEAKER_01: I said, I don't know why, I don't know why he pulled.
SPEAKER_01: Tell me the story.
SPEAKER_01: Why she says, Well, he came up to the car and he said, Ma'am, it's against the law for you to stay in the same in the right lane when I've got somebody pulled over and you should have pulled on the left line.
SPEAKER_01: I need to see your license.
SPEAKER_01: And she said, I remembered that you told me they're there to help us and be respectful.
SPEAKER_01: I also remember you told me if you're nice, you're the only nice person they'll talk to all day.
SPEAKER_01: And she said, Dad, I was really nice to him.
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Officer, thank you for keeping us safe.
SPEAKER_01: And I want you to know I know the law, and I did pull over.
SPEAKER_01: Well, no, you didn't, you came right.
SPEAKER_01: She said, Dad, I was really polite.
SPEAKER_01: I said, Way to go.
SPEAKER_01: And she said, I just explained again.
SPEAKER_01: I did pull over, you must have seen someone else.
SPEAKER_01: And he took my license and he went back to the car, and he's back there for like five or six minutes.
SPEAKER_01: And he comes up and he hands me my license and he says, Ma'am, I apologize.
SPEAKER_01: You're exactly right.
SPEAKER_01: You pulled over, that was somebody else.
SPEAKER_01: And she said, Dad, I was so excited.
SPEAKER_01: I said, Thank you for taking care of us.
SPEAKER_01: And see, she learned if she had been taught that authority was bad, that wouldn't have gone that way.
SPEAKER_01: And so you've got to teach them authority in the right way.
SPEAKER_01: How to obey, how to speak back.
SPEAKER_01: All throughout the book of Daniel.
SPEAKER_01: We have incredible biblical teaching on dealing with authority, that's both good and bad.
SPEAKER_01: And then finally, number 10.
SPEAKER_01: Be creative.
SPEAKER_01: Look at what it says.
SPEAKER_01: Train them in the morning when they get up, train them when they go to bed at night, train them as they walk in the way, right on the doorposts of your house.
SPEAKER_01: You've got to be creative.
SPEAKER_01: You've got to find ways to engage your children.
SPEAKER_01: Listen to me, church family.
SPEAKER_01: The gospel is the greatest story and truth in human history.
SPEAKER_01: How can you make that bad or boring?
SPEAKER_01: All throughout Scripture, you have incredible truths, incredible pictures of God, incredible moments where God speaks into the lives of people.
SPEAKER_01: We have the greatest truth that changes lives for eternity.
SPEAKER_01: Use it.
SPEAKER_01: Be creative with it.
SPEAKER_01: Teach your children to love who God is, to see who God is.
SPEAKER_01: Teach them to see Him in everything.
SPEAKER_01: Use vacations and holidays and every tool in your tool chest to teach your children to love the Lord.
SPEAKER_01: Music and entertainment and all of those things.
SPEAKER_01: We talk about some of those things on that podcast, how we did that.
SPEAKER_01: It is incredible the truth of Scripture and the power of the living, powerful Word of God.
SPEAKER_01: Like, how can you make it boring?
SPEAKER_01: I mean, boring history teachers ought to be outlawed.
SPEAKER_01: Amen?
SPEAKER_01: Like, how can you mess that up?
SPEAKER_01: Boring Bible teachers ought to be outlawed.
SPEAKER_01: How can you destroy the power and the beauty of God's Word?
SPEAKER_01: Engage with your children and teach them.
SPEAKER_01: I want you to bow your heads as we close.
SPEAKER_01: All of this begins when you know Christ is your Savior.
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever accepted Christ as your Savior?
SPEAKER_01: If you've never trusted him as your Savior, recognize that you're a sinner, that Jesus loved you so much he died for you on the cross, he rose again conquering death and sin to give you salvation, forgiveness, the promise of heaven that Jacob read from Revelation about, and then we sang about.
SPEAKER_01: If you've never accepted Christ as your Savior, I'm going to invite you to come and give your life to Him.
SPEAKER_01: If you need a church home, I talked about walking with people who are walking with Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: You come.
SPEAKER_01: Be a part of our church.
SPEAKER_01: Walk with godly people who love Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: If we can pray for you in any way, please know that we're here to do that.
SPEAKER_01: We have pastors at the head of every aisle.
SPEAKER_01: Somebody in the balcony, if you need Jesus, you come.
SPEAKER_00: We pray this message has been a blessing to you and helped to strengthen your walk with Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: Please know we want to minister to you and pray for you.
SPEAKER_00: Send an email to contact us at fsfbc.org and let us pray for you and help you in any way we can.
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Chapter and First, the Bible Teaching Ministry of Fort Smith First Baptist Church.