Blagging Motherhood
Motherhood/ Parenting life unfiltered! No bullsh*t here no perfect parenting, no judgement just raw emotions, experiences and lessons!!
Join me as I talk, discuss and maybe moan about parenthood in modern society because despite what our mums, nans and half brother twice removed uncle says, parenting isn't the same as it was in their days!!
Blagging Motherhood
Laughter and Loneliness of Single Parenting
This episode delves into the complexities of raising a teenager like Lewis, who constantly tests boundaries, and the whirlwind adventure of managing my energetic younger son, Ruben. We also tackle the concept of "second child syndrome" and discuss intriguing research from the University of Florida on why the second child might be more of a handful.
Planning summer holidays and keeping kids of different ages entertained can be a monumental task, and I share my personal strategies to make it work. I'm thrilled to announce our upcoming guest, a single dad, who will offer a unique perspective on solo parenting. We aim to create a community where listeners feel empowered to share their stories and challenges openly. So, if you're juggling parenthood and personal sanity, join me for some heartfelt conversations and a few laughs. Let's shine a light on these often-overlooked issues together, mother fudgers!
What up legends. I'm back, I'm back. Anyway, I'm back. In case you haven't noticed, I'm here. Do you know what? I look back and my last episode was the 20th of November 2023. Also, I sound like I've got a cold. Because I've got a cold, so sorry about that. Yeah, last episode was literally five days before oh, two days before Ruben's first birthday and then five days before Lewis's 14th birthday. Fuck, no wonder I stopped doing it.
Speaker 1:The absolute stress of that and I always make I say I always make as if I've got like a thousand kids. So Lewis's birthday cake, first birthday cake, I made, and so I had to do it for Ruben as well. You look like a heap of shit, but I did it. So the first cakes, the first first birthday cakes I've made, and then a month later, it's Christmas. So, yeah, christmas was shit. It wasn't shit, it was just I don't know how do I explain it lonely, I think. Yeah, lonely is the only way to really describe it, most of it anyway. So Ruben spent actually quite a lot of time with his dad, which I'm kind of annoyed at myself about. I just I feel like maybe I should have put my foot down a little bit, but I felt bad because Ruben lives with me and actually anyway, so I spent a lot of it on my own, well, with Lewis, and that's that's about as far as it gets, really.
Speaker 1:But the build-up to Christmas as well, I think, is super stressful and how I say this like especially being a single parent, blah, blah, blah. It fucking is. I'm telling you now there's only your money and I feel like maybe you overcompensate as well because the other parent isn't there. They are there. Don't get me wrong. Both my boys have their, have their fathers involved in their life in one way or another. But you know that Christmas morning they don't wake up with both their parents there and you worry that you're not gonna match up to the other children that have got both parents there, and that you know the present situation and all that shite. Basically, it's just a lot of fucking pressure. So, yeah, that was fun and then, like, oh, seasonal depression kicked in, loved it Not. Oh, my God, it really took a toll on me this year, really took a toll on me. I feel like I've only just kind of come out of it. You know it's taken me a really long time. Why, why, why do we get it? We all get excited, the winter and all I don't know. I struggled, let's just say that. And then Lewis is a teenager, right? And oh man, they like to fucking test us. Let's just say that they like to to just test those little fucking boundaries.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to go into detail about it because I don't need to. I don't want to. Actually, I think there's more of a reason I don't want to. I'm just gonna bury my head in the sand, but it's been horrendous, um, it's been hard, and I might do a separate episode about that. I might do like an exclusive episode. Actually. I'm thinking about doing exclusive episodes, um, anyway, because I feel like anyone can access this podcast, anybody in the world can access it, and I talk about very personal things, and actually there's only some things that I want to share to those that actually want to hear it. So I'm kind of thinking about doing some separate episodes. I don't know yet. I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, lurus, being difficult was very, very difficult. Again, single parent, get your fucking violin out. Do you know what? It's fucking hard, though, because you sit there on your own at night with nobody to kind of debrief, with like nobody to go. What the fuck has just happened? What is going on? What do we need to do? No one. You just sit there and just kind of fester in your own thoughts about what am I doing wrong? Why is he doing this? And it's awful, because you haven't got. Do you know what? Sometimes you just need a hug and for somebody to say to you we've got this right, it's okay, we've got this, you're not alone, we okay, we've got this, you're not alone. We're going to get through this and it. You know like it will just. It will just fucking fade away into the past and we'll never have to think about it ever again. But at the moment, we're going to do it, we're going to deal with it. Don't have anybody there to do that.
Speaker 1:I should say, though, I did have my family around me. I did have some really good friends as well that were all very supportive, but they get to go home and just push that to one side. I know my family will still think about it. They worry all the rest of it, but you know what it? There's something very different about living in the household with the child that you're struggling with and getting no escape from. So, even though I had family friends supporting me. It's still the physical aloneness that is very hard. I don't know if I'm bringing that across in the way that I'm trying to, but I just hope that you get what I'm trying to get at.
Speaker 1:Also, you just sit there and Google everything. Why is my child like this? Why has this happened? Why has that happened? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to be doing? And then you have a little toddler running around who's also tested boundaries so much fun.
Speaker 1:Ultimately, there's also no escape. So Ruben goes with his dad like every other weekend and then sees him throughout the week as well. Okay, which is amazing, love that actually it's my weekend off this weekend from Ruben. Not that he's like a bad child, but yay. But I still have Lewis. I'm never without a child, never. There's always a child around me. I mean, you know, lewis does go off out and stuff like that, but ultimately I don't have time where I have no children. There's just, yeah, a child around me all the time.
Speaker 1:And that's really hard as well. With Lewis behaving the way that he was, I couldn't leave him on his own and it's been really, really hard recently. But do you know what? I'm coming out the other end. I'm feeling fucking amazing at the minute. So Ruben's started nursery. Obviously, lewis is at school.
Speaker 1:I have gone back to the gym. I did not realize how much I missed the gym until I started back at it. Honestly, I love it Absolutely, love it, absolutely, annihilated it. Today, leg day, today, love leg day. Oh, boom, done it. So I am kind of coming out the other end of the absolute shit storm and I know I've just gone on about not having time to myself. I probably should have just said, actually, at the time where Lewis was being particularly difficult and I mean Ruben's just a toddler anyway I didn't have any time to myself. Ruben wasn't in nursery. Lewis, yes, was at school, but then he wasn't going out with his friends. He was sat in the living room with me of an evening and then the weekends that Ruben was with his dad, I still had Lewis here. So when I was saying about me not having any time to myself, I didn't. But I'm now slowly coming out of that and, my lord, am I grateful.
Speaker 1:What I do want to mention as well, actually, is being that single parent, whether you're a mother or a father, whatever, ultimately, for me I feel like it doesn't matter what happens to that child, what decision is made, whether it's been a joint decision or not, it almost because you're the sole carer. They live with you. Whatever decision is made is ultimately your responsibility, whether the other parent is involved in their life or not. At the end of the day, that responsibility feels like it solely is on you. You're the one that's there 24-7. You're the one again that sits and ruminates and thinks about it all and ultimately I feel like if something was to happen or the decision was probably not the right decision, the sole parent would be the one to probably get, like quote-unquote, the blame for it. Uh, so I don't know what you guys think about that, but that is. That is just something that I feel that, especially with lewis's recent behavior, ultimately, even though his father was involved in that kind of in that situation, the decision lied on me and it's a really shit situation to be in. But you gotta fucking suck it up. You decided to have kids, you've got to fucking deal with it.
Speaker 1:End of, also, second child syndrome. What in the fucking world is all that about? I googled this shit. I googled it because this kid right, he is a mountain goat, like absolute mountain goat. He climbs anything. He pulls chairs out, he's climbing up on the chairs, climbing up on a fucking table. I swear to god, if he could, he'd be climbing on top of my fridge freezer. If he could get onto the worktop, he'd be up there and on my fridge freezer.
Speaker 1:This child now Lewis, was energetic. Like he was energetic. He liked to do a lot of you know, yeah, yeah, like he got bored very easily, still does so. I just needed to keep him like busy all the time. Reuben, at the minute, he can entertain himself very well, but this kid is something else I'm telling you now. This kid is is not right. Um, so I googled it.
Speaker 1:Second child syndrome it's a thing. It's a thing, guys. So university of florida 2017 a bit out of date, I know, but I think that the the facts still remain the same. Okay, second child will have more behavioural issues than the older sibling. That's a fact. They've researched it and they've put that out there. It is known that they will have more behavioural issues. Now, not that Ruben has behavioural issues, but it also goes on to say about them being wild. All the rest of it basically feral, feral children.
Speaker 1:And if you go and look on tiktok, instagram, whatever. There is so much content about it as well. Mum's out there. Like some of the videos are brilliant. You see them. Like there's the first child sat at the table painting lovely, and whatever, whatever, and then the second child is just doing like fuck knows what, upside down, swinging around eating mud. Do you know what I mean? Like it's just so funny. It is absolutely a thing, and I didn't. I wasn't really expecting it. You hear about it but you don't really kind of like you're just like yeah, okay, cool, whatever. And then there he is, the little cherub fucking up everything Moving on. We've got some holidays coming up. So Lewis's last day is tomorrow, which he's trying to blag off, not happening, and even final day of not having two children.
Speaker 1:Um, what's everyone doing for the summer holidays? That's another pressure, isn't it actually thinking about it? Summer holidays you feel like you've got to fill your days up with all these fun activities and spending shit, loads of money and doing stuff and all the rest of it. I hate it. I hate it. What does everyone do with them? Like, I've got a National Trust card. I'm hoping I'm going to be using that a fair bit, getting out and about and not having to spend much money, like pack a bit of food whatever, but with the age gap it is a bit of food whatever. And but for a fourth, with the age gap, it is a bit difficult, like, yeah, difficult because you can't, I can't do stuff with them that will meet both of their needs as such. So it is hard.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't know if Lewis is going to want to just be with his mates most of the holidays. I remember just wanting to play out with my mates. What, what do you do? I feel like Ruben's probably at an easier age for entertainment. Wise kind of mind. You are saying that I was going to say take him to the beach and whatever. But Lewis would love that as well. So there's an idea.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I definitely think that having younger kids is easier during the summer holidays. There's a lot of things that you can do at home with them get the swimming pool out if the sun comes out. It is out today, loving it, love the sun. But I think it's going to be tricky trying to find something that I can do that's gonna that's gonna entertain the both of them. But we'll see. I'm just like I do with everything. I'll just blag it like the whole thing, because that's all I can do, really. Um, I do want to mention, though, that I will be having a guest at some point.
Speaker 1:Uh, he is a single dad. So I'm excited about that, because I feel like being a single parent is always very much around the mums. It's always the mums that kind of get the attention and all the rest of it, and I don't feel like the dads do. So I'm a bit excited about like picking his brains and seeing what it's like being a single dad. I'm sorry if you can hear creaking and dog barking and all, because, well, I can't do nothing about it. Alright, just deal with it. I'm interested to know.
Speaker 1:So, uh, mums suffer with like intrusive thoughts and inadequacy, um, things like that, and I'm quite I'm gonna be I'm looking forward to getting his experience of it and whether they suffer those intrusive thoughts and stuff, because I know a lot of it is from hormones and obviously we're the ones that have carried the children, all the rest of it. So I'm really looking forward to kind of picking his brains, getting his side of the like I say his side of the story, his experience and what it's like for a dad, because I mean, even like baby groups and stuff and all those kind of things I think for dads is is probably a bit harder, isn't? It is again, it's a very mum focused thing. There's a lot of things like breastfeeding groups and stuff. I know, obviously men can't go to breastfeeding groups but you know, even if they're, they're being bottle fed or they suffer with colic and you know different sized teats, all that kind of stuff Like do men go out?
Speaker 1:Do they? Do they go and get that help, do they not? What? Where do they go from that? I mean, I don't know at what point in their children's life he became a single dad. I'm not really sure, but it would be interesting to ask him, you know, if he wasn't a single parent when they were young. If he was, how does he think things would have been? Would he have joined these kind of groups? Would he have done those baby things Would he have gone to? You know, I took Ruben to baby massage and baby sensory and stuff like that and a lot of it is all very much mums, and if there is a dad there, they're normally with their mum as well. So it's kind of been like a couple thing that the two of them can enjoy together. Um, so I think that's going to be another good dynamic as well. So really excited about it.
Speaker 1:It's gonna be my first guest and I'm quite excited that actually it is going to be a dad and getting that kind of side of the story a good discussion, I think. Um, I'm hoping to get a few more guests on as well. Other mums, their experiences, mums with different age children, you know, children that are closer together, children that are far apart, like mine. Sibling rivalry as well. That's quite good. I'd like to talk about that and hopefully we can talk about this second child syndrome shit as well, because I'm telling you now, I reckon that most of them would be like, yeah, it's absolutely, it's a thing, definitely. And even third child, because then you get the middle child syndrome, don't you? So, yeah, I feel like having you guys be involved in this podcast is just going to be amazing and help other people.
Speaker 1:Other mums out there know that actually they're not on their own, which is why I did the podcast in the first place to kind of try and be like as brutal, raw and real as possible. Maybe we don't all feel so alone, and it's my therapy. I talk to my screen and I just get everything off my chest and just, ah, this is nice, uh, so yeah, but I'm gonna. It's a short. It's a short one today. It's a short one today. It's a short one and it's just my introduction back into it, as it's been nearly a year and checking in with everybody, I'm sorry if I've bored your brains off. I've spoken about myself a lot. I don't know. It might be nice to hear somebody's life, I don't know, but I will be back next week with another episode maybe.
Speaker 1:I guess we just need to sort out a few things, make sure that we can actually we've both got the time to kind of talk to each other and whatever. Yeah, please, please, please, give me a like, review me, share me and help me get this podcast out there. And this is, you know, going forward now, hopefully. Well, there won't be any more breaks. I need to make this a thing and just not like let life take over. I need to do things like this. It's good for me and I know it's going to be helping you mums out there as well. Anyway, I'm going to shut up now. I haven't even had a wash or a shower from the gym. Yet I'm sat here like some sort of sweaty, dirty little person and I'm snivelling away. I'm sorry, but I will see you, little legends, next week for another episode.
Speaker 1:Get me inbox, as always, if you or if you've had suffered something or gone through something, or feel like there's something out there that just isn't really spoken about much and you're're like look, do you get this? Is this something? Well, please, let's discuss this, let's bring awareness to this. Absolutely, inbox me, go for it. I'd love to get it out there. Yeah, Talk to you all next week, mother fudgers.