How to Feel Loved by God in a Way That Changes You

Knowing God’s love and actually feeling loved by Him can seem like two completely different things.

That gap is exactly what this episode is about. My co-host Kari Eliza of Held Right Here has spent years at the intersection of attachment science, nervous system health, and Christian faith. And what she taught me about experiencing God's love didn't just change how I pray. It shifted how I move through my whole day.

In this episode, Kari Eliza walks us through a simple daily practice, one that started not as a spiritual exercise at all but as a way to calm her nervous system. What grew out of it was something she describes as the most transformative thing she has ever done.

Three things you will take away from this conversation:

• Why knowing God loves you and feeling His love are two different things and what creates that gap
• How a practice rooted in secure attachment can help you move from performance and striving into genuine rest with God
• Practical ways to begin, even if sitting quietly with God feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar at first

We talk about why Zephaniah 3:17 hits differently when you have experienced what God’s delight in you actually feels like. She also highly recommends the book Anatomy of the Soul (affl.) by Dr. Curt Thompson, if you want to go deeper.

This is the kind of midlife Christian women spiritual growth conversation that does not come with a five-step formula. It comes with an invitation to slow down and let God love on you.

If you are pursuing a God-shaped dream, the intimacy you build with the Lord in this practice is not separate from your calling. It is the foundation of it.

If you want to keep growing in community, come find us at Dream Believers, my online space for Christian women who are done waiting on the sidelines and ready to make real progress together. Come find us at merrittonsa.com/dreambelievers.

🔗 Connect with Kari Eliza

• Instagram: Held.Right.Here

Devoted Dreamers is hosted by Merritt Onsa — a Christian life coach, mentor, speaker, and founder of the Dream Believers community. New episodes drop every week for the woman who believes her best chapter isn’t behind her.

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Produced by Jonathan R. Clauson.
Theme music by Reaktor Productions.
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Transcript

Kari Eliza [00:00:00]:

When you feel validated or like approved of for nothing but who you are, it's just like a release, which is where that lightness comes from. And you really do feel like an adopted son or daughter who doesn't have to prove anything. It's really life changing.

Merritt Onsa [00:00:21]:

I'm your host Merritt Onsa. Welcome, Sister in Christ, to the Devoted Dreamers podcast. This season I've invited visiting co-hosts to join me for a series of episodes around a particular topic that I think is relevant to you in your pursuit of a God shaped dream. Earlier this year, I discovered today's co-host Kari Eliza on Instagram and just a few brief interactions later, I was learning and soaking in everything that she teaches about secure attachment and how it's connected to our deepening relationship with the Lord. 

Just a quick intro before we get into it. Kari Eliza is the voice behind the Held Right Here Instagram account. She's passionate about the intersection of attachment, nervous system, science and faith, and how a child's earliest experiences of connection shape the way he or she experiences God's love. She gently brings these ideas to life in everyday language, helping families and grownups like us move away from pressure and performance into a faith that feels more like rest.

Merritt Onsa [00:01:22]:

The topics we're covering in these episodes go straight to the heart of your relationship with God and are especially connected to the intimacy we need with him for pursuing a big dream. If you haven't heard the previous episodes, starting with number 359, go back and listen to those first for the full context of this conversation here. 

This episode on how to feel loved by God in a way that changes you will help you move from simply knowing that God loves you to actually experiencing his presence and care in a simple daily way. 

Okay, let's get to the conversation. 

I wanted to do a whole episode on what does it look like when you make an intentional decision to let God love on you. In fact, yeah, I want to start by reading what I wrote in my journal shortly after I learned this from you. So I don't. This is.

Kari Eliza [00:02:23]:

Oh, I would love to hear it.

Merritt Onsa [00:02:24]:

Yeah, this is January 6, 2026. So I would have to go back and look and see when we actually first connected. But we had kind of gone back and forth on Instagram because you talked about this a little bit. This, What did you say? Like I lay down on my mat and I, you know, what you said earlier, I do some stretches or some, you know, tension release and I was like, tell me more about this. What is this practice? So however many days later I wrote: 

At the start of the year, I began a 10-minute daily practice of experiencing my belovedness in you, God. Each morning, I just sit here letting you love me, letting you show me all the ways that I am yours and belong wholly and fully to you. What do I want from this? To secure your presence.

Merritt Onsa [00:03:13]:

Oh, to secure the presence of Christ all day. Because I found this quote that said, “Consider the morning watch as the means to this great end. I want to secure absolutely the presence of Christ all the day.” That was Andrew Murray. So I found that in some reading. So I wrote, Jesus, I know you are with me. Spirit, guide my steps and my words today. Show me you're here with me.

Merritt Onsa [00:03:38]:

Help me relate to you. Not like a boss who needs to approve of me, but as a father who steps in where I fall short. Like a big brother who fights for me, like a daddy who holds me and comforts me when I don't know what to do, don't know where to turn. I'm not sure of myself, but don't have to be, because you know me. You call me by name. You hold every piece of me like precious treasure. When I'm good, but especially when I'm bad. Thank you, Jesus.

Merritt Onsa [00:04:07]:

Thank you, Daddy. I want to know you and be nearer to you than ever this year. Would you answer this, my prayer for 2026 and lead me in your love? 

That's what you helped me get to. Yeah, like, just. And that was just the beginning of it. So maybe talk about how you got started doing this, specifically what it is, how someone could do it right now.

Kari Eliza [00:04:34]:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So out of everything, this has been the most transformative thing I've ever done. And it did start as, like, not a spiritual practice at all. So just like. So you know that it literally started with me just following the instructions of my nervous system coach to, like, get out of fight or flight somatically, like, that means just like moving the body, breathing, showing the body that you don't have to be so, like, bracing. But of course, God started to speak to me. And I later read a book called, oh my gosh, I'm going blank now by Dr.

Kari Eliza [00:05:23]:

Curt Thompson. Anatomy of the Soul. That's what it's called. I would highly recommend it. And he talks about the practice in there. I had been doing it for like a year before I read the book. And I was like, oh, it's a thing, you know, but it's. It's a play on something in therapy.

Kari Eliza [00:05:44]:

So I was doing. I was doing this with my coach where I was imagining that my adult self was walking into the room and just being in the presence of my childhood self and just like offering a kind presence, not talking, not doing anything, not correcting and just kind of being there and like slowly getting closer and just kneeling down, you know. And then obviously like just old emotions just come out. Like it's a modality in therapy. So when I was laying there regulating my nervous system and God started to talk to me, I just started replacing, you know, myself with God. And that's how this practice was formed. And then later I realized, oh, this is an actual like a Christian psychologist is like suggesting this. So this is not like just me being weird.

Kari Eliza [00:06:36]:

But basically what I do is I, after I just kind of calm down and get present, I just imagine God or Jesus in the room with me, just like I was with my adult self just being with me and just like offering his kind approving presence and just like wanting to just witness me for like what's happening. Like just fully safe, right? So it's like we're not talking, we're not fixing, we're not doing anything here. We're just being together. And in the beginning, it was just that because part of this modality is just going at your own pace. This can feel very uncomfortable and very scary, right? Like depending on what your views are about God, he might be distant, harsh, obedience obsessed, really coming down on you for sin into your striving. He might not be safe. So you want to just, I'll just say that my trauma-informed person, part of me will say that like you just want to go slowly with this. There's no expectations.

Kari Eliza [00:07:49]:

You just go at your own pace. But slowly over time I just imagined him like making eye contact with me and like eventually I just like the Holy Spirit just spoke to me. So sometimes it just feels like I'm being hugged or like I'm laying on his lap. And it's just gotten more and more connected over time as I've felt safer. 

But you don't have to do that. You just basically you want to just allow God to, to be approving and delighting in you. And I promise that's allowed. I know that it, I know that for many people like that just almost feels sacrilegious.

Kari Eliza [00:08:31]:

Like it's like it's really self-centered. But there's just scripture after scripture in the Bible where God is delighting in us. He's our Father, we are his adopted children. He soothes our souls, He takes joy in us. We are his beloved. So it's most likely just conditioning of how we would like, relate to God that's blocking that. That's why you want to just go slowly. But delight is like the thing that helped me to have it not feel so selfish is that delight is one of the most important things for secure attachment.

Kari Eliza [00:09:12]:

So when a, when a child feels the delight of their parent on them, it like ramps up secure attachment, which is so fascinating. 

So just the approval and the delight is just so healing and you'll probably feel like tears and things start to form because there's just so much bracing, there's so much striving that when you feel it, when you feel validated or like, approved of for like nothing but who you are, it's just like a release, which is where that lightness comes from. When you really do feel like an adopted son or daughter who doesn't have to prove anything, it's like, it's really life changing. So I do it every day. Not as a, not as like a check the box thing. Like, it's. I think I was telling you this before. It's like a guilty pleasure.

Kari Eliza [00:10:08]:

Like, it's just like the best thing ever. So. And you know, sometimes my mind's too busy and it's just really hard and I'm just like, ugh. Like, you know, God, I'm just like, I'm struggling today, you know, and that's about it. And it's not emotional. I don't have any, like, expectations or shame around it. Like, if anything, it's just like, oh, that just felt good to stretch. I'm out of my head.

Kari Eliza [00:10:30]:

Like, you know, so it doesn't have to be just like, with our kids. Like, we don't have to have this like, slam dunk connection moment every time with our kids. So it's like, it's totally fine if it's not like that.

Merritt Onsa [00:10:47]:

Yeah, I think you said that practice. I think you said that at one point early on when I was messaging you about it, like, what is this actually like, what do you do?

Because I think the first time, you know, I was like, set a timer so I know what 10 minutes is. And then at like five minutes, I was like, what? Okay, how long?

Merritt Onsa [00:11:08]:

No, nothing's happening. Yeah. And you made a comment that, like, sometimes there might be emotions, sometimes there might not. And I think, like, coming to understand that this like, expectation that it's this emotional thing also puts a weight on it that's not intended. So just being present. And, yeah, I think letting. I described it or I describe it to people as just like, letting him love me when I'm more likely to, you know, have that mindset of like, oh, if I do the right thing, then I'm loved, or then he's pleased with me.

Merritt Onsa [00:11:50]:

But you mentioned, you know, delight. Like Zephaniah 3:17, where it talks about, like, he delights over you with singing. The first time I ever read that verse, I was like, that's a thing?

Kari Eliza [00:12:02]:

What? What sings over me, right? And.

Merritt Onsa [00:12:07]:

And then when I had babies and they were fussy or, you know, we were just having time together, like, I would make up songs for my kids and they were silly. Like, my husband and I still laugh about songs that I made up and I was like, oh, He delights over me with singing. That is a. That's love. That's attunement. Like, that's like all the things that you're talking about, just, like a closeness, a vulnerability. And so to know that God feels that about me, about you, like, wait, that changes everything?

Kari Eliza [00:12:48]:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And. And it's like, just like, you know, our kids can, like, run into our arms at any given point and receive that. Like, we can also do that. It's not like it doesn't, you know, it's just always there. And, you know, sometimes our kids are distracted and they're running out and playing and whatever, but they all, you know, they always can come back and we're all. So I think the more I just remember, like, if the women listening, if some of them are parents or aunts or whatever, like, the more you can, like, connect with the child-parent relationship or caregiver relationship. I think it's really helpful.

Kari Eliza [00:13:30]:

Not because oftentimes, it differs from what you've been taught in church or at least what's landing. And that's just a good contrast to notice. Like, wait a minute, why is that different? Like, why is God, like, you know, like, focused on this rightness when I know that I wouldn't think about my daughter that way, you know?

Merritt Onsa [00:13:53]:

Yeah. So that's how we kind of, like, see where we might be thinking a little off.

Kari Eliza [00:13:59]:

Yeah, yeah. Like, just to, like, notice some of the ways where that, like, insecure attachment, like, like, pattern might be there. We all have it, right? Like, this is the human condition. It's not like we're not broken when this happens. But it's just helpful, I think, to use the child-parent relationship as much as you can and like, as much emotional vulnerability as you can. That's what gives you. That's what opens up all the energy, like, in you. Like, it's crazy how much energy you could actually feel when you're lit up from that, I think.

Merritt Onsa [00:14:46]:

Yeah. And just practically, like, when you and I were talking a couple months back, you said you do this anytime that you feel dysregulated, but especially, like, before your kids come home, as you're, like, transitioning. And that opened my eyes because I was like, oh, I was doing this first thing in the morning. I still do it first thing in the morning, but so it can be anytime, you know, anywhere. For me, it has to be quiet. You know, I like to put earbuds in and, like, hear some real either, like, instrumental quiet music or a specific song that reminds me of God's love. I think you suggested that the first couple times where I was, like, it’s been only five minutes, you know, like, it's not working yet.

Kari Eliza [00:15:35]:

Yeah, I always just listen to music, so I'm happy to share, like, some of my followers. I was just DMing, like, you want me to share my playlist with you? So I'd be happy to share it. Like, it's just, I don't know, 10 songs that are really affirming, and some are like, I don't. My time is not always calm. So I know I described it as calm, but sometimes I just feel like, you know, you get, like, once you start paying attention to your body, you will feel like energy kind of needs to get out sometimes.

Merritt Onsa [00:16:12]:

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Kari Eliza [00:16:13]:

It's actually sometimes, like, stored stuff that you just, like, suppressed. So sometimes I will, like, like, get up and, like, stomp my feet to the song, like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Sometimes I'll dance really silly, you know? Like, I just, like. I didn't do that at first because I was, like, way too buttoned up. Now I've gotten, like, way more, like, at ease with this. So it'll evolve over time, but it doesn't have to look like you laying down with your eyes closed on a mat. It can look active than that.

Merritt Onsa [00:16:46]:

Yeah.

Kari Eliza [00:16:47]:

And again, I'm not, like, it doesn't have to be like, this thing where you're, like, trying to see God or hear from God. Like, for me, it's like, this is just my time to be a human, you know, like, to be. And of course, God's part of that, but sometimes it's just like, let's dance it out, you know, to something that's affirming that where God's affirming me. So I'd be happy to share the playlist. Yes, please, please. Some of the songs are a little bit silly, but that's okay.

Merritt Onsa [00:17:23]:

I have a Pilates teacher that started to introduce a lot of, like, real playful dance at the end just to, like, you know, release whatever tension or anything that's still kind of hanging on at the end of the class.

Kari Eliza [00:17:38]:

Yeah.

Merritt Onsa [00:17:39]:

So I really like that. Like, just getting to be and not do, you know, not. Not have to do anything, but just to be with him. That's been a really lovely shift for me this year, so thank you for introducing that to me.

Kari Eliza [00:17:59]:

Yeah, yeah. It's been the biggest gift to me as well, so. But I know it can feel scary to try it or think about it. I told my dad about it when we were traveling with him last week and he was like, I do not know how to do that. Yeah, sure, absolutely scary.

Merritt Onsa [00:18:18]:

Yeah. But worth trying.

Kari Eliza [00:18:20]:

But I mean, you can. Yeah, worth trying and, like, taking your time. It doesn't have to. Like, it started with me with just like laying on the mat and stretching and breathing. Right. And like, it has evolved. It didn't. I didn't like, you know, just be like, okay, God, like, let me lay on your lap, you know, like, cry it out.

Kari Eliza [00:18:39]:

Like, it didn't start like that.

Merritt Onsa [00:18:41]:

Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. 

In the next and final episode with Kari Eliza, we are going to talk specifically to the woman who is questioning whether she's on the right track with her dream. If that's you, be sure to listen in and breathe a sigh of relief that you don't have to have it all figured out right now. 

We will also discuss what happens when you face criticism for your dream and how a deepening understanding of his love for you provides strength and clarity for those moments. 

Until then, be sure to follow Kari Eliza at Held Right Here on Instagram. 

If you have a God shaped dream, you were never meant to pursue it alone. Dream Believers is my virtual community for creating Christian women who are done waiting on the sidelines and ready to make real progress together.

If that sounds like something you need, come find us at merrittonsa.com/dreambelievers 

See you next time.