How to Trust God with Your Dream When You Feel Unsure

Does the fear of getting it wrong keep you from moving forward on your dream project?

This is one of the most common concerns I hear from Christian women who are looking for the courage to trust God with something that matters deeply. This episode is for you if you’ve ever wondered whether you’re hearing Him right, whether the timing is off, or whether a mistake means it was never supposed to happen at all.

In this final episode of a four-part series, I’m wrapping up my conversations with co-host Kari Eliza, the voice behind the Instagram account @Held.Right.Here. She is a passionate leader at the intersection of attachment science, nervous system, and Christian faith, and in this conversation, she gets honest about her own seven-year journey of resisting her calling before finally saying yes.

Here’s what we talk about in this episode:

• Why God’s timing is often more creative than the plan you had in mind
• How going public with your dream will stretch your nervous system and why that’s not a reason to stop
• What to do when someone disagrees with or pushes back on what you feel called to share

Kari Eliza shares something I think you’ll hold onto: following your calling is a gift, not a performance. 

When you’re not trying to get it right for an audience, you can relax into it. God covers the mistakes. He uses the whole messy journey, including the detours, the slow seasons, and the criticism.

If you missed the first three parts of this series, go back and listen to episodes 359 through 361. Then, come back, and let this one settle in.

If you are done waiting for the perfect plan before you move forward on your dream, I want you to know you don’t have to figure it out alone. Dream Believers is my virtual community for Christian women who are ready to make real progress on what God has placed on their hearts. Come find us at merrittonsa.com/dreambelievers.

You were never meant to pursue your dream alone.

🔗 Connect with Kari Eliza

• Instagram: Held.Right.Here

Devoted Dreamers is hosted by Merritt Onsa — a Christian life coach, mentor, speaker, and founder of the Dream Believers community. New episodes drop every week for the woman who believes her best chapter isn’t behind her.

Sign up for Dream Believers. Just $49/month or $490 for the year (get 2 months free!) 

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Produced by Jonathan R. Clauson.
Theme music by Reaktor Productions.
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Transcript

Kari Eliza [00:00:00]:

We really can just go for the ride and trust that it'll be what it needs to be. But we don't have to worry if we're getting it right. We don't have to worry if we make mistakes. Like I think God covers it.

Merritt Onsa [00:00:18]:

Welcome. I'm your host Merritt Onsa and this is the Devoted Dreamers podcast. This season I've invited visiting co-hosts to join me for a series of episodes around a particular topic that I think is relevant to you in your pursuit of a God shaped dream. 

With this episode, we're wrapping up a four-part series with co-host Kari Eliza. She and I met earlier this year on Instagram and in just a few brief interactions in the DMs, I've learned so much from her about secure attachment and its connection to our relationship with the Lord. 

She's the voice behind the account held right here and she is passionate about the intersection of attachment, nervous system, science and our faith. 

Throughout this series, Kari Eliza has helped us understand why faith can feel heavy sometimes, and she's shown us how to experience God's love in a way that brings freedom, trust, and the courage to move forward with Him. 

These topics go straight to the heart of your relationship with God and are especially connected to the intimacy we need with him for pursuing a big dream.

Merritt Onsa [00:01:21]:

So if you haven't heard the first three episodes, starting with number 359, go back and listen to those and then return to this one. 

This episode on how to trust God with your dream when you feel unsure will help you let go of the pressure to get it right and trust that he's leading you even when you don't feel certain. 

All right, let's get to it. 

So we've talked about secure attachment and seeing God as our Father and just this beautiful 10-minute practice that you shared with me, and now with everyone else. Go back and listen to that episode. If you missed that. 

Today, I want to talk about, for the dreamer, for the woman listening who if you have a dream, if you've felt just maybe unsure about it, how do you know it's something from God? How do you know you're not like hearing him wrong? I hear that from a ton of people. Like I don't want to waste my time on something that, you know, maybe I'm hearing him wrong or maybe it's a mistake for me to go forward on this. And I see that you, I don't know if you would call what you're doing a God-shaped dream in the context of the way I talk about things.

Merritt Onsa [00:02:42]:

But I feel like you've, Kari, stepped out into, you know, the social media world to kind of share a really important message. 

So what would you say to the woman who's questioning whether she's on the right track?

Kari Eliza [00:03:07]:

Yeah. Oh, how, how long do we have? 

I've been on such a journey with that, like a personal journey. Because I started two different companies before I decided to do this passion project. You can't call it a company. I don't think; it doesn't feel like a company to me. 

And along the way, I really was wanting to make an impact in the world and I was doing things that were value driven. But this, this does feel different. And like, I could only speak from personal experience, but this was not, this was not my idea.

Kari Eliza [00:03:49]:

I actually fought this for a very long time. And I, like, I talk about it on my Instagram sometimes. I'm like, definitely like, Jonah,

Merritt Onsa [00:04:02]:

Can you share quickly, like, what you do for maybe somebody who didn't hear earlier?

Kari Eliza [00:04:06]:

Yeah. So I run the Instagram account held right here where I talk about the connection between attachment science, nervous system, and Christian faith so we can more deeply understand God's love for us and to feel safe with him so we can pass that on to our kids. 

So I talk a lot about early childhood on there. But of course, it has a lot of applications for us as adults and as women. And I, the dream has unfolded, right? But I remember when I first came to Norway, I actually was like, on a walk. It was like one of the only times I was regulated, probably.

Kari Eliza [00:04:53]:

And I was standing behind this church in my town and actually I did feel the sense of, like, you're going to do something for me here. Like, I actually do remember being spoken to and I was like, okay, well, let's just like, push that away. I wasn't even, like, attending church at the time. 

And then it was just like every now and then, like, it would just come up and, you know, I would like, okay, let's, let's start going to church to my husband, you know, and then, like, fizzle back out. I’d get distracted with what I was doing. 

So this has been like, like, like seven, for, like seven years. I was like, focused on my responsible business and trying to bring God into that and not really listening to what he was truly trying to whisper to me. But I didn't know it was another project that would take over my whole world.

Kari Eliza [00:05:43]:

But one day when I was doing the practice, right, because, you know, God talks to you when you're just present with him. I had the thought of, like, writing. I had thought about writing the book for, like, years. And I always had this thought, like, you know, when it's the right time, I'll get to it. And I was laying on the mat or like, stretching, whatever, and I felt God say, you know, your company is really not doing that good. It's the perfect time. Like, if your company does good, then, like, that's a terrible time. This is actually a perfect time.

Kari Eliza [00:06:25]:

And it was like a. But a loving. It felt so loving, you know, like the way he said it. And I got straight up and I went over to LinkedIn and I messaged the publisher of Zondervan or like, a person who works at Zondervan Publishing that I had been connected with for my other company. And, like, it just kind of went from there. It was kind of like I just actively said yes in a way to it. And then it just consumed me with creativity to the point to where, like, my other business just like, you know, like, I have a couple of clients, but, you know, I'm basically, like, playing hooky. Like, I just, like, don't really do my other business anymore because I'm just so lit up by this.

Kari Eliza [00:07:08]:

It's very irresponsible. So I don't know, everyone's path will look different. I don't think that, like, it. It's going to look the same. Mine did look like me running and not. But it. But. But when I finally was feeling safe to step into it, that's when I did.

Kari Eliza [00:07:32]:

And I think, like, the whole journey was important. I don't think that God necessarily had it in his plan for me to step into it right when he said it behind the church. Right? Like, I think that he's a bit more creative than that and he wants the transformation to be way bigger than that. And he wanted it to be a gift to me, like I was saying. So I think I had to go through all those things. And when I finally stepped into it, it was just like, so beautiful because of the whole thing.

Kari Eliza [00:08:03]:

So you'll know, I think, when I think, you know, right. Like, and if you don't, then just get on the mat and get present and ask, you know? Like, I think, I know that sounds very cliche, but just keep being present with God. Like, I. He does talk to us, but it doesn't mean that, you know, you have to strive here the way they are. Try to, like, guess the right timing or get it right. Like, I don't really think that exists? Like, I'm still doing all sorts of things wrong, probably. But, you know, it's not a perform. If it's not a performative thing, then we can relax, I think.

Merritt Onsa [00:08:48]:

Yeah. Yeah. And I think this.

Merritt Onsa [00:08:53]:

Wait, I'm assuming your book is about the topics that you share on Instagram. Yeah. So this. I think this worry of what if it's the wrong thing or what if it's the wrong time. I. That's. I think that's us putting maybe it's a reaction out of fear, but I think the way that we respond to that is, like you said, to listen, to rest, and see what he does with any, you know, like, time and attention that you give talking to him about it, but then to trust that if there's something that you're really passionate about or if there's, like, a hard thing that he's brought you through.

Merritt Onsa [00:09:41]:

It sounds like yours is both. Like, he brought you through and is bringing you through a hard thing of learning about your child and yourself and all of that, that he would allow you to use that. Like, invite you to use that in a way that it would serve others, that it would use, like, what's so very unique to you, like, this thing that just, like, knit into your existence and identity, that there would be an overflow of that. That's. You're allowed to figure out what that looks like. You know, there's not this, like, 

Kari Eliza [00:10:21]:

You can go slow.

Merritt Onsa [00:10:22]:

And there's not like, a rigid. You know, it has to go this way in these 12 steps or whatever. It could be, like, what is the thing today that I feel like he's inviting me into that would be movement towards this?

Kari Eliza [00:10:40]:

Yeah, yeah. And it's. It's not gonna look the way that we want it to look. No, like, on purpose. On purpose. I think that's, like, such a gift, you know? Like, I did not want to be on Instagram, like, with my other company. I hated Instagram, and I, like, royally failed at it. And.

But I just, for some reason, felt like, no. Like, this feels aligned. This feels good. So I'm just, like, gonna go for it, you know? But it was like, oh, I need to do this to write the book. And then I had this frustration of, like, now I have to spend all this time on Instagram and I can't write the book, you know.

Merritt Onsa [00:11:19]:

But, like, you don't have time to write the book because you're spending all your time on Instagram.

Kari Eliza [00:11:22]:

Yeah. Yeah. And. But it's been so beautiful because I have learned so much from being like, just like, the conversations, the DMs, the comments, the different types of people that, like, the book is different. Right? And, like, the growth on Instagram is just, like, slowly but surely. And so I'm going to have to focus on it even longer.

Kari Eliza [00:11:44]:

And I think that's by design. Like, I think we can humbly come to our calling and really release control because it really is just a gift to us. Because God delights in us. Like, it's a gift. It's not anything that he needs us to do. He just, like, doesn't need us to do it. So if it's a gift, then we really can just kind of like, go for the ride and, like, trust that it'll be what it needs to be.

Kari Eliza [00:12:19]:

And I never would have said that, like, two years ago, but. But we don't have to worry if we're getting it right. We don't have to worry if we make mistakes.

Merritt Onsa [00:12:32]:

Mistakes are inherent.

Kari Eliza [00:12:33]:

God covers it. Yeah. Like, I think God totally covers that. You know, I like to think of Moses, you know, like, when he's in the wilderness and he, like, strikes the rock instead of like, you know, like, God still, like, Moses wasn't, like, out, you know, because he took things into his own hands. Yeah. You know, this is just what we do. This is what humans do. Yeah.

Kari Eliza [00:12:58]:

So, yeah, I. Being scared of mistakes, is that, like, that insecure feeling of like, oh, no, what if? You know, who's gonna come down hard on me if I mess up? But there's just like, I don't feel like that exists with God. So that can release some of the pressure. Yeah. But I do think that our calling feels very. It's just, it's shown over and over in the Bible. It just.

Kari Eliza [00:13:32]:

It does feel rather vulnerable. I think God wants to take these vulnerable pieces and heal them and transform them, and so it by nature will feel exposing. So if that's happening to anyone listening, like, you know, I think that's part of it.

Merritt Onsa [00:13:49]:

Join the club.

Kari Eliza [00:13:51]:

Yeah.

It's so beautiful, though.

Merritt Onsa [00:13:55]:

Yeah. Right.

Because God's not going to leave us where we are, you know, that he's going to grow us and transform us and really do a work not only in how we respond, like, out into the world, but how we relate to Him, you know, when we, if we start to have a hard time or feel like, oh, gosh, maybe I'm messing this up, turning to Him as that secure foundation, like, it's. It's never a mess up in his mind that we're His always. There's nothing that will change that. And He wants us to walk with Him in it.

Kari Eliza [00:14:34]:

Yeah. And like, then it becomes play. Right. It's like that child who gets to play and create and like, it becomes so much. There's so much, much more life behind it. And that's the only. It's the only difference, I feel like, between like, my Instagram account for my other past companies and this one. It's like that there's like life and joy behind it, but it's not being like, I'm not like, like fabricating that, right. Like, when you feel free, that's what comes. Comes out. It's a freedom.

Merritt Onsa [00:15:06]:

Yeah.

Kari Eliza [00:15:07]:

I think that we have access to. That feels like a little bit like, oh, is this allowed? But I think that's what Paul talks about. We do get to have that freedom in Christ. And that includes, like, just having fun with it, right?

Merritt Onsa [00:15:27]:

Absolutely. Yeah.

Kari Eliza [00:15:29]:

Yeah.

Merritt Onsa [00:15:31]:

Okay, so let's talk about the last thing. Um, you are teaching on a topic that is getting a little bit of pushback on Instagram.

Kari Eliza [00:15:40]:

I always teach on things that get pushback. 

Merritt Onsa [00:15:44]:

Well, people are paying attention. So I'm just curious. Like, like, social media does feel very public. Like, it's. There's a lot of things out of your control. There are some things in your control, but your content is being pushed out to people and you'll get some reactions where somebody disagrees with you or they take issue with what you're saying. How have you made peace with the fact that this is not going to resonate with everyone?

Kari Eliza [00:16:17]:

With everyone. Yeah. So, okay, so I think I need to answer that like, twofold, because first of all, it's just a natural human response for your nervous system to get dysregulated when someone is attacking you or not agreeing with you. And I think we need to remember that. Sometimes we think that we should just be so ironclad. Oh, just nothing bothers me. I'm so confident or whatever. And that's just not how we're designed. We're just not designed to operate like that.

Kari Eliza [00:16:53]:

And it's so good that we're not, because that's what empathy is. And that response go hand in hand. Like, we respond to people's facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, all of that. It signals safety or lack of safety. 

So when we get worried about people's reactions or if we're responding to an actual, like something unkind said, we will have. We'll feel bad and when I first was, like, just starting to have the Instagram account, I posted this post that, like, my first viral post was, like, so much hate. Like, really, like, I had no idea that this one sort of like, I guess, like, denominational interpretation existed until then.

Kari Eliza [00:17:44]:

I'm so grateful that I actually understand this group of people exist because I can, like, understand them and it's going to make the book so much richer. But it really, like, my nervous system was like a wreck for like two weeks. I was like. And I was like, I don't know if I can handle this. You know, like, is this really. Ooh, what did I get myself into? You know? 

So I just want to, like, call that out that when you're visible, you are putting your nervous system under fire. And it's even more so necessary to, like, re-anchor into your safety, you know, your identity in God. Because it's just. It's not a natural thing. So that's the one part. 

The other thing I will say is that, like, over time, your nervous system gets used to it. So now I'm like, whatever. You know, I think that it. They're like, the biological part of this, not like the super, like, mindset piece of this is just like, you know, repetitions, exposure.

Kari Eliza [00:18:48]:

Your body will be fine, so you have to go through it. You can't really go around it. But I still, from time to time, will be, like, nervous about, like, family members, extended family, My extended family in Norway. Like, none of them are believers. So, like, I've always been kind of like the quiet Christian who doesn't really, like, you know, talk too openly. And now it's like the family is, like, looking. They're like, what is she doing? Yeah. So I do understand that.

Kari Eliza [00:19:26]:

And what I will say is it's never as bad as you think it will be. Like, I had, like, all of these fears about, like, family and friends and acquaintances and random people on the Internet. And, like, everything is. I'm actually fine, you know, like. 

And so I think if we're just brave enough to go into it, then a lot of it will kind of just, yeah, dissolve. 

And then the rest of it is about just being firm in what you're doing, you know, I think I will say, though, that when I receive a really, and this is probably because of my life coach certification that's helping me, but I will say to everyone listening, like, how I get there so that maybe they can apply it.

Kari Eliza [00:20:37]:

When someone comes with, like, an attack or like, you're in a conflict, part of the way I operate is to actually, like, go into it as if it's like a way of strengthening myself. So instead of, like, I. Instead of like, I don't agree, and I'm firm and, like, kind of just, like, brush it off, I actually, like, go into it, like, maybe there's something here for me, so I don't take on the aggression of, like, oh, I'm actually maybe wrong, and that means I'm unsafe. Like, that. The worth part is like, that's a done deal. But then there's like, the. Well, maybe there's something here. 

Kari Eliza [00:21:19]:

So every single. At least every single new thing that said on Instagram, in this case, I actually do process it, think about it, ask myself, like, am I really thinking how, like, right. And I, like, I test it. I pray about it. I. But the way you're able to do that is if the worth and the protection and the belovedness and the… If all that's already handled and done, then you have the safety to say, well, maybe I got that wrong.

Kari Eliza [00:21:58]:

But that can be a fun experience because then you're, like, seeing yourself being refined and, like, strengthened. Does that make sense?

Merritt Onsa [00:22:07]:

Absolutely. I feel like I learned something like this maybe in premarital counseling or something where it was like, the phrase, “you might be right about that” kind of, you know, pulls down the energy of it. Then you start to, like, have the humility to accept, like, I'm probably not 100% right all the time. 

But, yeah, I appreciate that heart to learn from somebody that may have a very different perspective from you and also to, you know, rest in where your identity lies. To be secure in Christ first versus responding out of fear or shame or like, oh, gosh, they're. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm a failure, you know,

Merritt Onsa [00:23:03]:

yeah, I. Yeah, that's. I like that response to it. And. And I've watched, you know, as you did your Easter series, there were a lot of people that were questioning. Not a lot. You know, there was a sliver. People, like, pushing.

I guess you were pushing some buttons and they were pushing back. And I don't know if you changed anybody's mind, but, you know, I had a conversation with somebody around Easter and little kids, and, you know, it. You're giving people food for thought about a really important topic. And so that might. That message might be for some and it might not be for others. Not everybody's gonna, you know, be your biggest fan, but you know that what you're offering is important for the kiddos and the parents.

Kari Eliza [00:24:02]:

Yeah. And what I like to think, too, maybe this will help for, like, you know, anyone who's in listening and in the audience. What also helps me is that I'm. I. What really kind of brings me more energy or helps me to keep going is that I don't want to. I'm trying to say this in the right way. I don't want to necessarily, like, shove something down someone's throat and say, like, this is how you're supposed consume it and how you're supposed to get the breakthrough.

Kari Eliza [00:24:42]:

Because my own experience with my own healing has been where, like, I hear something and then I don't pay attention to it. And then like, six months later, I'm, you know, on the mat and it comes back up and I process it and I'm like, oh, and like, all these little pieces like. Like, you know, my childhood and then, like, the Norway thing and then the highly-sensitive child and then the therapy session. It's like this big ball of mess that God uses. And so when someone comes, you know, to my work, even if they're defensive, that is now a part of their little, you know, ball of mess that God's using. And there's like thousands of things in theirs.

Kari Eliza [00:25:34]:

And we don't know when the a-ha will come, when the shift. How the shift will happen, but. But, you know, you're just in the mix. And so, like, some of the most biggest breakthroughs I've had are things that people have said to me that have been me so mad. Like, especially this nervous system coach that I told you about at the beginning, she made me so mad. She would just say. She would just, like, drop little comments or questions that were just like bombs, you know, like, of course you're not going to.

Kari Eliza [00:26:03]:

You're not going to respond with, like, oh, right away. Like, I fought against some of the stuff she told me for a long time, and then, like, only after we stopped working together six months later, I'm like, oh, yeah, she was right about that. So I think that, like, when we're. When we are out there in the world, we're gonna trigger people, family, friends, whatever, and we just, like, don't really know what's happening in their own transformation with God. And we just get to, like. We're just like a part of it. Just like a little tiny drop in the bucket. It doesn't have to look a certain way, so we don't need to force an outcome. And then their response has nothing to do with what's going on for us. Right, right. That helps. Yeah, a lot.

Merritt Onsa [00:26:53]:

Yeah. That verse comes to mind. Like don't think too highly of yourself. You know, everybody's got their own stuff going on.

Kari Eliza [00:27:01]:

Yeah.

Merritt Onsa [00:27:03]:

Wow, this has been really an eye-opening conversation. It's been really fun to get to chat with you. 

Well, I want to give you a chance to say any last words about your Instagram account or where people can find you or get connected for this someday future book that's coming out.

Kari Eliza [00:27:24]:

Yeah. So I'm just on Instagram at held.right.here, so I guess you can link to it.

Merritt Onsa [00:27:31]:

I will link to it. Yeah.

Kari Eliza [00:27:32]:

Yeah. I'm very active there at the moment instead of writing my book so, you know, that's, that's where you can find me. And yeah, a book is in the works, but I have no idea when it will be will be out. So yeah, I would love for anyone to reach out to me there. I answer DMs. So if you have like a question or anything, you can always, you know, reach out to me personally as well.

Merritt Onsa [00:28:00]:

Beautiful. Well, Kari Eliza, thank you so much for being my co-host for these series of episodes on the Devoted Dreamers podcast. I'm so grateful to know you.

Kari Eliza [00:28:10]:

Thank you so much. I'm so grateful as well.

Merritt Onsa [00:28:14]:

And with that, we're wrapping up this series with visiting co-host Kari Eliza. 

I pray these episodes have given you new insight and understanding about deepening your connection with the Lord. 

May it strengthen your faith to remember that we have a God who delights over us with singing and calls us his beloved daughters. 

In the next few weeks, I'll be circling back to some solo episodes on finding the confidence you need to go after your God-shaped dream. So stay tuned for those. 

Until next time. If you have a dream, you were never meant to pursue it alone. I hope you know that. And Dream Believers is my virtual community for Christian women like you who are done waiting on the sidelines and ready to make real progress on their dreams together.

If that sounds like something you need, come find us at merrittonsa.com/dreambelievers. 

I'll see you in the next episode.