009: Choosing the Right Experts, Coaches, & Consultants (Who Get You and Your Business)

If you’ve ever wondered whether a coach or consultant is really worth it - or felt scared of wasting money - you’re not alone. 

In this episode, Laurie and Becky talk about how the right kind of help can completely change your business (and your confidence).

Together, they’ll unpack how to find experts who actually get you - your values, your voice, and your vision - so your investments move you forward with more clarity and peace.

Listen in to hear:

• Why outside help can accelerate your growth when it’s aligned
• How to tell if someone’s a true fit or just a shiny promise
• The difference between hiring from pressure vs. hiring from peace
• Real questions to filter coaches, consultants, and experts through wisdom and gut instinct

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Transcript

Becky Brown  0:01 
If you're a Christian woman building a business and want it to be purposeful and profitable, we've got you covered.

Becky Brown  0:07 
I'm Becky.

Laurie Graham  0:08 
And I'm Laurie. We have both built successful businesses that we love without losing our faith, humor, or our sanity. This is Smart, Soulful Business.

Becky Brown  0:17 
Real conversations to help your business fit your life and not the other way around.

Laurie Graham  0:27 
Welcome back to Smart Soulful Business with Becky and Laurie. I'm Laurie and

Becky Brown  0:31 
I'm Becky. Together, we help Christian women build businesses that are soulful, strategic, and successful.

Laurie Graham  0:38 
Alright, in our last episode, Becky and I talked about the best and worst money we've ever spent in our businesses, what was worth it, what wasn't, and how we learned to make smarter choices. When we were talking in that episode, we were just like, we've got to do a follow-up and go deeper into consultants and coaches and things like that. Because when we were talking about what was worth it and what wasn't, and how we learn to make smart choices, that for me, some of my biggest wins and some of my biggest—I don't want to say regrets, but maybe it was some big financial losses that came in this area.

Laurie Graham  1:15 
Yeah, and it came more from who I was learning from, or who I chose to learn from. So today, we're diving into this area of choosing the right experts, coaches, and consultants. This could be people we pay or people we just listen to, people we take recommendations from, all the way to hiring coaches for thousands of dollars—the kind of people who get us and our businesses.

Laurie Graham  1:39 
Because investing in outside help, hands down, if you invest in the right outside help, it's going to save you years. And I don't think I'm exaggerating by that, Becky, do you? I don't. Saves us years of trial and error. It can also cost thousands if we pick wrong, which I've done. Becky and I have both been on either side of this fence. We've learned what makes a difference between growth and a little bit of regret. By the end of today's episode, you're going to feel more confident about how to trust your gut, how to spot the real deal, and how to find help that moves you forward without losing your soul. And I also want to say joy and peace in the process.

Becky Brown  2:20 
So important.

Laurie Graham  2:23 
Because, let's be honest, a lot of people don't hire coaches or consultants at all. They think about it, but they don't always take the leap, not because they don't want help, but because it feels risky, and it is risky, but we're going to minimize the risk for you.

Laurie Graham  2:39 
The questions come up: "What if we waste that money? It's so much. What if I choose wrong? What if they don't really get what I'm doing?" Every one of our businesses is unique. So unique. I can say mine is so unique because it's small churches, you know, my main business, or what's been my main business up until now, you know. But Becky could say the same thing about her business. You could say the same thing about your business.

Becky Brown  3:01 
Also you are so unique. You and my personalities, our values, the things that are most important to us, they're different.

Laurie Graham  3:10 
Yeah. And I think the hesitation, or sometimes even the fear we get, is actually really wise—those pauses, those gut checks—because the truth is that hiring the right kind of help, as I said, can change everything. The right expert can shave years off the learning curve, give clarity, give the expertise that we didn't even know we needed, and help us grow without losing our values or our voice if we hire the right person.

Laurie Graham  3:37 
Now, we're told to find mentors, to learn from experts, which is why we're talking about this today. And at the same time, many women—we're specifically going to talk about women today, you'll see why a little bit—including us, we've been burned by the wrong fit before. We've hired people who talk a big game but they actually don't see us or our leadership style or what makes our businesses unique. That's what we want to help you avoid.

Laurie Graham  4:00 
So Becky, I'm going to toss this to you first. Do you remember the first time you hired a coach or an expert and you thought, "Oh, this is what it's supposed to feel like"?

Becky Brown  4:09 
Yeah, absolutely. And it was a big deal for me, because I don't spend money easily, so I had spent a long time researching and talking myself into buying this SEO course. It's from a guy named Scratch. That was his nickname. He's changed his name over the years. I don't even know what his business is called these days. But back then, I needed SEO, and I actually mentioned that course in the last episode, too, because it is what made SEO click for me. It was simple, it was clear. He gave actual examples to show it in action, which is something that other courses and other experts out there, they were being so vague. So many other places were talking about SEO, but it was so general that I couldn't see what I was doing wrong. And that was really frustrating for me. His course was so clear: "Put it here, here, here, here. This is how you [do] a keyword start to finish." It changed the way I ran my website. And the way he talked about his website and his results and his recommendations, he just felt so much more realistic and grounded than so many of the other experts that I was listening to. It really stood out. It was a really positive experience.

Laurie Graham  5:19 
That's awesome. And when we start with a positive, it's easier to hire next. You know, I know some people, like, they start and it's really bad. They're like, "I'm never hiring a coach again." And you have this really positive experience.

Becky Brown  5:29 
That was definitely probably my first big investment out there, and it was a great experience.

Becky Brown  5:35 
And I know you've talked about Summit in a Box being your turning point. You mentioned that in the last episode, too. What did that investment unlock for you that you just couldn't have done alone?

Laurie Graham  5:46 
Everything. You said it, you named it. It completely changed my business. I run quarterly—usually quarterly—online conferences now, and it accelerated everything. My email lists just go through the roof with every conference, the amount of support and community—like support from Krista Miller herself with Summit in a Box. But also, I don't know, something happened around that that got me connected.

Laurie Graham  6:14 
I can't even tell you, like, it completely changed everything—lessons I learned about discernment and alignment and so much. It was such a great experience to start with. I recommend her to everyone. People follow her because I say, you know, I've met her in person. I mean, she just—it changed everything.

Becky Brown  6:36 
And I want to lean into that, because I saw your experience of Summit in a Box. So I kind of had a blip where we weren't talking every day like we do normally, because I had a baby and I just—I just disappeared for a while. So Laurie got Summit in a Box while I was out with my new baby, and it was a few months later that I kind of re-entered life, and we started talking again. And you already had momentum. You had changed, like, the entire course of your business had changed, and you were lit up about it. You were so excited about this new branch of your business, and not only the new branch of your business, but how the pieces fit with the things that were important to you in your business. It was really cool to see how you lit up going through this new thing, yeah.

Laurie Graham  7:19 
And y'all, if you do want to do online conferences or something, I'm just going to say use the link that I have to get connected with Krista because I'm an affiliate with her now, and we will talk more about being an affiliate. But if you love us and you want to help support us too, before you check her out, come use the link that I have, because we are an affiliate for Krista Miller in Summit in a Box, because she changed my life and my business, right?

Laurie Graham  7:44 
But the right people don't just teach strategy. They also see us. There's trust with the right person. It's not just about a one-shot deal. We get connected with people, and they become mentors. Before you say no to getting help or to finding mentors or to hiring coaches, we want to walk you through the right fit. And we're also going to talk about some of the mistakes—like when we can know that we feel off—because the right... like Becky and I just shared two examples. And these aren't our only two of where it really changes your business. It changes not just your business, but who we are, our confidence, how things come together in a soul-aligned way, like decisions that move us forward.

Becky Brown  8:37 
Yeah, and when we say right fit, that's what we're talking about. We're talking about alignment, where you can respect someone's results, but still know that you're not that person. The right expert doesn't just have the skills, they have a style and values that complement yours.

Becky Brown  8:54 
So for you, you've been talking about Krista Miller. You've been talking about the greatness of Krista Miller. So what are the first signs for you that someone isn't a fit, even if they look great on paper?

Laurie Graham  9:09 
I have changed this over the years. I remember when I hired my first realtor to sell my house. This guy was a complete jerk, but he had really good sales records and statistics, and I'm a strong person, and I'm like, "You know, I want somebody who's going to be successful, and I can deal with him being a jerk." Like, "I can totally deal with him being a jerk." I literally hired this guy to sell my house. He sold my house well, and I can't even tell you, it wasn't fun, it was stressful. It was just bad. And I have made business decisions based on that: "This guy looks like he's the most successful, so I'm going to hire him."

Laurie Graham  9:49 
So the signs for me of when somebody isn't a fit are different now. Because I just used to look for the most successful people and just trust them, and I didn't really trust them, and it felt yucky and gross and icky, and I really, really hate that. So the first signs for me that someone isn't a fit is if they're harsh and rude, if success is more important to them than people. And maybe this isn't something that everybody is, but it's almost like an alignment with me and my values. My right fit is going to get me and share the same values.

Laurie Graham  10:30 
Yeah, my right fit is gonna get me and share the same values. For you, Becky, when you look for someone as a coach or a consultant, because both of us have had varying degrees—and we're not talking that we've only worked with one coach or consultants, we've had, like, maybe a handful, right? So we have different experiences. For you, when you're deciding if a coach or consultant is a right match for your personality or goals, what does that look like?

Becky Brown  10:54 
Yeah, well, and I just want to emphasize again, I'm really slow to pay a lot of money to anybody, and coaches and consultants tend to be a lot of money. So I typically follow people for a really long time, watching them very carefully. I am a researcher. I read their website and their sales pages and their reviews and their testimonials and how people are talking about them, how they interact with people on their social media. That alignment thing that we're talking about here is very important to me, because I have had coaches. I forgot about this guy until we were just talking about this. I had a Christian male business coach that I paid a lot of money to, and he didn't move my business forward at all. He was really good at talking, I would say, like, he was really good at talking about himself and not very good at asking questions about me. So we couldn't even figure out if we were in alignment, because he was in his own book, and I was over here trying to, you know, it was so... so that alignment thing is very important, and I knew it, and I kept working with him, because I kept thinking, "Oh, well, I don't know what I'm talking about, and I'm sure I'm going to learn a lot from him." And it just was like, almost like this... I don't know, tainted humility thing going on.

Laurie Graham  12:08 
I like that. You just said tainted humility. I know humility shouldn't be tainted, but I know.

Becky Brown  12:15 
Right, it was me thinking less of myself, like, "Obviously I'm feeling this way because I don't know as much as he does." That's what I was telling myself. It's a self-confidence thing. But if I am following their stuff and well, like, that's—that's—that was one of my clues. You know, if I look at people and I feel like their words are over-promising, or their sales tactics feel a little sleazy—even if it's not overtly wrong, and I can't even pinpoint it—there is an experience that I have, like, "Ugh," that just doesn't sit right with me. And I pay careful attention to my experience of their marketing and those Holy Spirit nudges, yeah. It just it takes a lot for me to trust people with my money, with big investments, like coaches or consultants, but there have been great, wonderful people out there that I have invested in and am so glad that I did.

Laurie Graham  13:02 
Yeah, and you know, as you talked about researching... So, because this isn't a Krista Miller episode, but because you brought that up, I binged. I listened to every podcast she had before I spent money. I learned so much from her, which goes back to our principle of giving things for free and building trust with people, because she did that. Like her podcast, I binged everything, hours and hours and hours before I was like, and I heard tons of testimonies as well about how much she had helped people in so many different areas. And, yeah, I just agree with everything you just said. I think that's just so beautiful.

Becky Brown  13:38 
Yeah. And so, you know, I think that what we're both kind of saying here are a few things, like looking for collaboration and not control. Just that guy that I was telling you about, I would say that good experts adapt to you, and bad ones ask you to become them. That's what that business coaching guy—he wanted me to become a... he was trying to teach me how to become him, and I was so far from it that, like I said, we were in different books. So that collaboration, not control thing, you know, proven work, those results, that matters a lot more than big promises and persuading words. It matters. And so that, yeah, yeah, it just matters.

Becky Brown  14:18 
So also just checking in and looking at like, is this expert? Do they respect how I lead, or are they trying to change me to do this differently? You know, like that goes back to collaboration, not control. What... what like are... I can't even remember when I heard it, but somebody, over the last year, was talking about their team and how your team and your business should magnify the best things that you bring to your business. They should magnify them. They should not be minimizing you. And that has really—that has stuck with me this whole time.

Laurie Graham  14:56 
That might have been Steve Kyle.

Becky Brown  15:00 
Oh, no. But it was before he entered. It was like...

Laurie Graham  15:04 
Yeah, when I worked with him, he said that to me, like his job is to let me shine, which I thought was so beautiful.

Becky Brown  15:11 
And you had a great experience with him. And yeah, just that feeling of feeling, you know when, when you can feel like you're being seen by this person and not just being sold, because that's not a good feeling. Like it's great when you feel like, "I am investing, and there is something coming back that's so valuable." That's a great feeling. But when you just feel like somebody's taken my money, and this doesn't feel good, that's just pay attention. So when you start to see those patterns, it gets a lot easier to say yes with confidence. When you've had those really good experiences, it just gets easier and stronger. Your yes gets stronger. But even with the right fit, timing and intentions still matter, too. So let's talk about how to choose help that fits your season and not just your strategy.

Laurie Graham  15:59 
Yeah, you and I have both learned that the right investment in the wrong season can still go sideways, right? Sometimes it's not the expert, it's actually the timing. You might not have the bandwidth, and we might be trying to skip ahead to something that we're not ready for instead of strengthening what's already working.

Becky Brown  16:15 
So was there ever a time that you hired somebody and you realized later that it just wasn't the right season yet?

Laurie Graham  16:22 
Yes, and I still have it, and it's still going to be released. I'm just going to tell you right now, I jumped into a quiz-making project a couple years ago, and this quiz that is going to be rock star for my business, I'm not kidding, it's not released yet. Years later, it is eighty percent done, but I just wasn't ready for it. I didn't have the foundation of my business ready. I don't want to bring tons of people in before it's ready to go. So yeah, that was a good one for me.

Laurie Graham  16:52 
And Becky, for you, how do you know when you're ready to invest in coaching or consulting again? Because you've gone through this several times. What are some things for you?

Becky Brown  17:02 
Yeah, and my biggest thing is, you know, I'm a systems person. I really like functioning on autopilot. Like, "Yes, this is smooth sailing," and everything fitting into neat containers and boxes. So my sign to myself is when I feel like things are running fairly smoothly, and I start getting that itch, like, I want to add something to this. I want to grow. I want to get better at this thing. And I know I want to, and I need to, but I'm not exactly sure how to. That is probably my biggest sign to let me know that I'm ready to hire somebody to help me do this—learn a new skill or an area from an expert.

Laurie Graham  17:37 
Yeah, I love it. And when we start viewing experts as partners—like you kept talking about collaboration instead of control—like this person is going to partner with us, instead of "they're going to fix me, they're going to rescue me, they're going to do it." The whole dynamic changes.

Laurie Graham  17:49 
I just have to throw out there, because I kept hinting that I was going to talk about this, and we haven't talked about... Yeah, you need to go there. I hired a guy, and I will just be totally honest on the podcast, my worst, absolute worst, experiences with coaches and consultants have all been men and they are men that don't get who I am, how I function. And I hired a guy to help me change all my email systems. I guess I'll just drop the money. I paid ten thousand dollars for a contract that was supposed to happen. And from the get-go, I knew this was bad, and I tried to stick with it. He never fulfilled what he said he was going to do. He literally ghosted me—a professional, a professional who is out there right now that people brag about, that has tons of followers—literally ghosted me three-quarters of the way through the process. Wow, look how upset I am. And I will look back at that and go, I should have known from the beginning. He reminded me of that realtor that I was going to hire, because I knew he knew what he was doing. He was going to fix it. He was going to be fast. And I did look at this guy as he was going to fix it. He was never going to partner with me. He was never going to collaborate. He had a system. He was going to fix me and fix this. And he didn't. He didn't.

Laurie Graham  19:01 
And then I had this amazing experience. Sometimes you kind of give up hope on working with men, right? You know, or many different reasons. And I had amazing experience with the guy who's not even—it's not a consultant. He was just amazing. But worked as a consultant for me for a couple months, and I have never felt as seen, even a little bit cared for, but completely respected. I would spiral out in some of our conversations, going, "I feel so bad about this." And he would say, "Laurie, there's no entrepreneur that has all that. This is so common with on..." Like he literally made me feel seen and important and successful when I felt like I was spinning out. And so shout out to Steve Kyle, yeah, who's not a consultant. You can't find him as a consultant, you guys, but he was a consultant for me.

Becky Brown  19:54 
And that was very healing for you, because we're talking about not just that one email guy. You had a second man who was a very confident lawyer, you said, a lawyer who you went to with a very clear list, and you said, "I need this and this and this and this. Can you help me?" And he said, "Absolutely, I will give you this and this and this and this," and he did not. You had two men flat-out lie to you.

Laurie Graham  20:24 
And thank goodness that I had a really good experience with Krista Miller, yes, because I had a successful coach, mentor, expert type person in my life. And thank goodness that God kind of redeemed that male edge again. So I'm not going to say I will never, ever hire a man again, although I'm definitely going to be a whole lot pickier.

Becky Brown  20:45 
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And so you all listening, you get to learn from our missteps along the way. And so there's no perfect formula for this. There's risk involved here, but there are a few questions that have saved us a lot moving forward, these guiding questions. So we're going to give you five right now.

Becky Brown  21:07 
So number one, have they proven results that align with what you want?

Becky Brown  21:15 
Number two, do they listen or just tell? Are they talking at you, or are they talking with you? That was a really important one for me.

Becky Brown  21:25 
Number three, would you still want to learn from them if no one else knew that you had hired them?

Becky Brown  21:32 
Number four, does this investment bring you peace, energy, clarity, or does it bring you pressure, doubt, and confusion?

Laurie Graham  21:43 
Yeah, I love that, because this is going back to our emotions. Your emotions matter, how you feel when you're with that person.

Laurie Graham  21:53 
And I'm going to throw one more in there for me, I think, Do I want to be this person? I don't mean what they do, but their character. Like, is this a person I would want to be like? Are they generous? Are they kind? Are they respectful? Are they for me? That comes in a lot with these. So I'm sorry, that's one of my questions, but keep going.

Becky Brown  22:13 
So my fifth question was just, What does your trusted circle think? Ask people that know you, that know your values. Ask them, "What do you think of this decision?" before you move forward.

Becky Brown  22:23 
So when you answer those things honestly, you'll start to notice patterns. You'll start to see these things pop up, like you saw in us today. And sometimes the smartest move isn't saying yes. Sometimes the smartest move is waiting. So let's bring this home, and I'm going to give you—Laurie is going to give you a quick recap, and then we are going to give you a practical next step as well.

Laurie Graham  22:45 
Yeah, we covered a lot today. We talked about our emotions. We talked about trusting people. We talked about collaboration as one of the better things, bigger things for me, is thinking of them as collaborators and partners, not experts who are going to come in to rescue us. The right fit is so much more than about skill and what they can do. It's really about alignment with who we are, being emotionally healthy, aligned with the people we're working with. It's so different to pick a partner than a rescuer or a consultant, so think of it as partnership. The right season matters. Don't jump so far ahead and don't get stuck in the past. And I think also just not to be making decisions on fear. I think we've given some good stuff here to really look into that we can't make decisions on fear, even if we are scared. The best experts do not make us dependent on them. They let us fly. They make us more confident.

Becky Brown  23:39 
That's really good. Okay, so every week, every podcast episode has an action guide that you all can download for free to put this into action. Laurie and I are all about learn and then do. We want you to move this forward in your business. So this week's Action Guide is called The Alignment Map: Choosing Coaches and Consultants Who Get You. I love this one. I love it. I know. So this is a two-page reflection tool to help you name what kind of support you actually need right now and spot that alignment before you make the decision to hire, so that you can just choose better and invest from a place of confidence instead of from a place of pressure or fear or confusion.

Laurie Graham  24:18 
Yeah, and before we go, if this conversation hits home, or any conversations we've had so far, or if you just love us and you're like learning from us all the time, do us a favor and leave us a review. Share this podcast with a friend who's thinking about anything in their businesses, but leave us a review below, especially if you are on Apple Podcasts. When you leave us a review, it's going to help other people find us. This goes into SEO and searchability, but there are so many women just like us out there who are looking for the exact support that we are giving and building between this podcast, the action guides, our community, and everything. So please help other people who need us, and by "us," I don't just mean me and Becky. I mean you, too. I mean this community, so that we know that we're not alone. So take a minute to leave a review. Give us some stars down there and join us inside the Soulful Strategy Community. It's where we walk this all out together, growing wisely, leading well, and staying grounded. So until next week, go team!