018: Ethical Scarcity: Timers, Flash Sales & Deadlines (That Don’t Feel Manipulative)

Many new entrepreneurs hesitate to use deadlines and timers because they’ve only seen them used with pressure, urgency hacks, or gimmicks that don’t match their values. 

But ethical scarcity isn’t about manipulating anyone — it’s about honoring your capacity, giving people clarity, and creating a structure that feels respectful to everyone involved. 

In this episode, we’re breaking down how to use timing and nudges that feel honest, human, and completely aligned with who you are.

Inside this episode:
 • What ethical scarcity actually looks like for women who lead with integrity
 • How deadlines can serve your people instead of stressing them
• Simple timing structures that feel human, not hype-y
• Ways to close your offer with confidence (and zero drama)

Get Your Free Action Guide: The Ethical Scarcity Builder 

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Transcript

Becky Brown  0:01 
If you're a Christian woman, building a business and want it to be purposeful and profitable, we've got you covered. I'm Becky.

Laurie Graham  0:08 
And I'm Laurie. We have both built successful businesses that we love without losing our faith, humor or our sanity. This is Smart Soulful Business.

Becky Brown  0:17 
Real conversations to help your business fit your life and not the other way around. Hey and welcome back to Smart Soulful Business with Becky and Laurie.

Laurie Graham  0:30 
I am super excited about this episode. We love talking about things that are soulful and strategic, which we're talking about a lot today, and successful without losing the things that matter most.

Becky Brown  0:43 
Yes. So today we are going to be talking about ethical scarcity. So in business, how to use timers and deadlines and gentle nudges in a way that actually respects your people, instead of just stressing them out. So by the end of this episode, you will know how to set clear timing, close your offer without the drama, and structure your invitations in a way that feels honest and warm and aligned with who you are.

Laurie Graham  1:11 
Now, I want to say if anybody's hair has just stood up on the back of their neck, right, like even the term ethical scarcity or deadlines and timers, like, if you are already kind of on edge, it's normal, and that's what we're going to talk about. So hang with us for the duration here.

Becky Brown  1:29 
Yes, so a lot of women, I'm going to put myself in that camp, hear scarcity and immediately think of manipulative marketing. So countdown timers that lie to you. You know, those countdown timers that if you clicked the page 100 times it would say exactly the same thing, there's only three spots left, when really there are 20 or 100 or unlimited spots left, or those pressure-filled tactics that make your audience buy out of a place of fear or stress or anxiety. That is not ethical scarcity. That's not what we're talking about here. Ethical scarcity is simply telling the truth about your capacity, the boundaries that are involved, and the timing of your offer. So let's get really specific about what we're actually talking about, now that we've mentioned what we're not talking about So Laurie, do you remember the moment that you realized that using deadlines wasn't just manipulative, because you and I have had that conversation about the manipulative deadlines, but how it was actually a kindness to your audience, to your people. What was the shift for you?

Laurie Graham  2:39 
Yeah, honestly, the shift for me was when I heard somebody say, this is about helping people make decisions, because we all get wrapped up in, like, oh, I have anxiety over making a decision about when I'm traveling for Christmas, or I have anxiety, and it's like, once you make the decision, you feel better. And so that was a shift for me. But if I can just say, like as you were talking about ethical scarcity and how we react to timers before I started my business, we see timers everywhere. We see sales everywhere. I never had a repulsion to like, a sale at the store or an online deadline. I sometimes ignored them. Sometimes they made me feel pressure-filled. But I my repulsion started when I had to do it, when I was, like, thinking of having a timer. Now there are people, though, who do. They're always going to push back against timers and deadlines anyway. Like, I don't know what that is or why we're different, but as we talk today, I think. I don't know. I just want to start by saying, everybody's not going to love your timer, but I'm going to talk about like, where timers have helped me, and why I love them, and how they've served my audience. And I know that you're going to do that too. So we're going to give you all examples of when it has helped, when it's felt aligned. And even in that, there's always going to be a couple people who push back and so kind of soak it in with us as we talk. But for me, the shift really happened when I was doing deadlines or thinking about them in timers, is I truly believe I'm helping people decide, because I know what it's like to get wrapped in a ball of I can't make a decision, I'm not sure. So it's not forcing a decision. We're actually just naming the point, we're just putting a deadline on the decision. And I think that is a good, you know, differentiation. We're not trying to make people make a certain decision. You can say yes, you can say no, we're just saying there's a deadline to that decision. Like, deadlines are boundaries, and boundaries can be kind, like boundaries are not always bad, and it doesn't have to be hype, like it can just be very less drama. Hey, this is when the sale ends. This is when this ends. This is when this decision has to be made. And so I think, I think of the, I think of structure, kind of honoring people. And giving people freedom. Do you remember? I don't know. I think most people who've had a basic psychology class, most of us have learned that, heard the story of the kids on the playground. Do you know what I'm talking about Becky, with the kids on the playground with the fence? Oh, most psychology classes will talk about fences and boundaries. And there was a study done, and I think it's been done, you know, many times, like we can, can even see it on the playground. If a playground has a fence around it, kids will run and play up to the fence, like they have freedom to play up to the fence. And if there's no fence around the playground, most kids stay pretty close to the middle of wherever the jungle gym is, or wherever. Yeah, they don't. They don't go out to the sides. And so I think structure is often a form of respect, and it can honor people and ourselves. And so that image comes to mind, that it's okay to have fences and structures, and to me, if scarcity, like, there's a deadline, there's a timer, there's a limited amount, if, it is about structure and honesty.

Laurie Graham  6:03 
How do we communicate this? Right? This is where timers and deadlines, I think, make a lot of sense. So most decisions don't get made because somebody is unsure, right? They get delayed because there's no clear moment to choose. Right? Like deadlines help people stop looping. They help us decide, is this right for me now? I'm thinking of going to the grocery store, like I just bought salmon because it was on sale the other day. Just a little piece of salmon. I think I was even at Walmart, but it had the yellow sticker on it, and it was on sale, right? And that's like, it's a, do I get it now, or do I not, because it's going to be gone, right? And that helped me decide. I did not go to Walmart to buy salmon, but it was on sale, and so I bought it. And so deadlines, sales, they help people stop looping and just decide. And that, to me, feels really supportive. It doesn't have to be stressful, especially for most of us who are juggling really full lives, like just help me decide. Just put a timer on it. I can decide. By that day I don't have to keep looping. So Becky, you have used deadlines in various ways. You've also said clearly on almost every podcast that you're the softer one in our duo here, you know you're the softer, less salesy, less you know, you want to be quieter and more gentle, and you have used deadlines many times. Yeah. I mean, and yeah. So talk about your deadlines and how they've helped people.

Becky Brown  7:35 
So I want to point out the personality differences here, because I will tell you all who don't know that even personality-wise, how we conduct ourselves in business reflects our personal personalities. So Laurie helps me decide a million things. I am a person who gets stuck in the loop. I am a chronic overthinker and overplanner. Planning is a great thing. I am an overthinker and overplanner. I think Laurie probably hears me say things pretty often, like, oh, man, I've been looking at this for like a year now, and that's your response every time. And you're like.

Laurie Graham  8:12 
You guys, it could be a $9 product, and I'm probably exaggerating, but it's pretty funny.

Becky Brown  8:17 
It's kind of true. I do. I get stuck. I get stuck, and it's for good reasons. I really want to make good, wise decisions that are, you know, frugal, whatever, all the things. But this applies to how we conduct business too. So there have been times where, you know, you were talking about a lot about honesty and communicating your offer. For me, it's a lot of clarity too. And, you know, like, this ends on this date, and you can get this and it's just clarity about what you're offering. So for me, there are two things that usually, um, in the selling world, two things that can usually convince me to buy something that I've had my eye on, and in my overthinking and overplanning. Number one is a sale. I love saving money. So Black Friday, there are things that I hold on to for a year, waiting for a Black Friday sale to see if it'll go on 50% off for a limited amount of time. So number one, a sale will convince me to buy. Number two, a limited time open door will get me to buy. So like there have been a couple of memberships that say we open up twice a year, so if you don't get in in the next week, you're not going to get in until the next time we open the doors. That is something that will convince me to act. So.

Laurie Graham  9:30 
Now I want to say something with that, because you're saying convince me to buy something. And I want to reframe that a little bit, because you've already said you want it. So it's more about convincing you to buy that, like at the time, it's not even the product. Well, it's like you want the product.

Becky Brown  9:44 
Yes, like you've been talking about this episode. It is convincing me to make my decision, not even like you said, convince is the wrong word in this context. It is getting me to make a decision, yes or no. So it's not just passively waiting I am going in on this.

Laurie Graham  10:01 
Yeah and I don't think it's, I don't think convinced was the wrong word. Like that wasn't even what I was kind of hinting at. I just thought, like, it's not, sometimes we think we're trying to get somebody to buy something. It's not about the product. If that product meets a need, they're already looking at it. It's just helping them decide. And it could be convincing them to decide now. It's the timing of it, not the need of it, I guess is what I was pointing to. So.

Becky Brown  10:25 
And no, and I agree with you. And now that I have started becoming more aware of this in myself and how I buy, I feel I use that same perspective with my audience. So sharing a sale, I love sales. I just said I love saving money, sharing a sale is a kindness to my audience, sharing a limited time offer in a way that feels honest and right. We're not talking about 100 pop-ups that won't leave them alone and saying, Buy Now, Buy Now! It's going away, it's going away. That's not what we're talking about here. We always want to have integrity in our selling, but it's a kindness to them, and it helps them move forward in something they've already been wanting, like I just described for myself, like you just told me, and so let's talk about how to actually communicate that timing without the million pop-ups flashing in your face, without feeling like you're slipping into somebody else's voice or fake or multi. Yeah, the stuff that feels gross and icky about sales, right? So this is where a lot of women get stuck, and I have been included in this. We know we're allowed to have deadlines, but we don't know how to say it without sounding like that schmaltzy sales page. So let's get back to ethical scarcity. Ethical scarcity is communicated the same way we communicate everything else around here at Smart Soulful Business, we believe in warm and grounded and human and honest and so Laurie, you have talked about like, I've mentioned on this episode, you help me make decisions in my daily life, but you also help your audience make decisions well and with clarity. So what are some lines that you use to communicate timing to your audience that feel more natural and not schmaltzy salesy?

Laurie Graham  12:12 
Yeah, I love it. I have one that we just use this last January. And by the way, I do think words matter, like and so when I put these words together, I played with them for a while, to feel to know that it felt good to me, and honest and real and helpful too. So we just did a little deal on our membership. If you joined in January, and this is what we said. I actually copied and pasted it straight from my podcast. I said this, or close to this. As we kick off the New Year, we're doing something simple to make it easier to step in if you're curious. If you join before the end of January, you'll get $20 off your first month. This is just a small way to lower the barrier and let you see if this space is helpful for you.

Becky Brown  12:58 
I love the invitational language of that, because it's not forceful, it's not promising. This is the thing you need right now. Click it right now, right now, right now. It's not, it's not that feel at all.

Laurie Graham  13:09 
Yeah, no, I it said, if you're curious, if you join by the end of January, you'll get $20 off your first month. This is just a small way to lower the barrier and let you see if this space is helpful. I'm not saying, Hey, join this because you need this and you're going you're going to fail if you don't join my membership. I mean, like, I don't say that, you know, like, I don't say that we do offers. Another thing that I do with my online conferences. I have free online conferences. People always, often say, how do you make revenue if you do free online conferences? That must be a waste of space. It is not, okay? We make good revenue at our conferences. It's the main revenue I get for the year at this point. And I we do a bundle, so you get a free ticket to the conference, and then you're sent to a sales page and it says, Hey, before you go, we have one more thing to offer. But when it comes to the timer, I say something like, because we don't have the full listing of what's in the bundle yet, we always offer an extra special deal to those who grab it early. And I will say, this is a 30-minute timer. It used to be a 20-minute timer, and if I can take a second to unpack this, some people really don't like the 20-minute timer or the 30-minute timer. It stresses them out. They feel like I'm playing with FOMO. You know, the fear of missing out, I'm going to miss out on this deal, on this deal, and that has taken me, I think, some time to sit with and come to my own piece, right? Because I don't want to make anybody upset, like I am that per- I want everybody to be happy. I want to love everybody. I want to, you know, but the reality is, is that people will say something like, Well, I just can't believe you're raising the price, you guys, I'm not raising the price. That is the price. I'm giving you a deal like, if you come in early, because the regular price is still an amazing deal, you know. And so I think sometimes we have to come to terms with the small amount of pushback we get. Most people don't push back at all, but I do think that language is so important, and I never say you're gonna miss out if you don't get this, because what we offer at our free conference is amazing. If you never buy anything, but if you do get these on the early deal, you're gonna love it, like it's a great deal, but the end deal is also good. So I hope that wasn't too much to say, but I know, as we're talking here about deadlines and timers, I don't want it to sound like all rosy, like everybody's gonna love you, because it's hard to get criticism, but at the same time, if I didn't offer deadlines, if I didn't have deadlines, I wouldn't make the revenue I make. We could not stay in business, like I would not be in business if I didn't have a deadline, because most people buy on sale, like, I'd love to know the stats from the grocery store or Old Navy or American Eagle, like, how much revenue comes in when there's a sale and a deadline. Because we are helping people decide, and if we don't help people decide, that's not smart. It might be soulful, but it's not smart.

Becky Brown  16:03 
I love what you're describing here because you're placing you. You are, you're, you're considering your audience. You always have like, oh man, these people don't like it. Should I take this down? And you have always been very intentional. We've had this conversation several times over several conferences, and you've been very intentional, but you have come to a place in your communication and your words, in your sales copy, in where you have felt confident, aligned with where you came to even when it didn't make everybody else happy. And I think that's important for us people pleasers, to hear.

Laurie Graham  16:38 
Yeah, and I think you had taught me this too, like you can get in on this anytime, but if you want this special deal, join it now. You know what I mean? Like, a lot of times there's those. But to go back to kind of your question, just about communicating, I think it's really great to just talk about the benefit, you know, to make it easier if you're curious, you know, lowering the bar for you to get in early to see if this is helpful space for you. That's what I did in my membership. And also an extra special deal, if you want to grab it early, you know, saying things like that. And you don't have to be this soft, by the way. Like, I just think we need language that aligns with us, that is also kind, you know. FOMO is interesting, fear of missing out, right? Like, I think we all play with that in our own mind all the time, but I think we all have that naturally. I don't feel like I need to push that on other people, because they already have it, right? And here's the other thing that a lot of times we worry about in business, is, you can say it once, but there has to be follow-up. Like, because I need, or I personally need, a reminder. Like, I'm telling you, if I don't have a reminder on my phone to take my trash out, I forget my trash, and that's every week on Monday night, you know? Yeah, I mean, I literally just put a reminder on my phone because I keep forgetting to take it out. And so there has to be follow-up. Or if you want it to be effective, there is follow-up to these timers and the nudges, like sending an email say, hey, one more hour. I think it's really important to put it in our heads. That's not manipulative. It is a reminder. It's a touchpoint. Hey, this is happening. We're not trying to convince anyone who's not a fit. You can ignore my email. It even says in the subject line, one hour left, just ignore it. You don't have to open this email, but what we're doing is we're supporting people who want it, like we're supporting people who've been thinking about it because they hate missing it. I hate missing an offer when I intended to get it, right. So Becky. Talk about nudges. What kind of gentle nudges do you use that feel more kind and not so pushy?

Becky Brown  18:40 
Yeah. I think one of the turning points for me is when I saw people, when I didn't have the nudges and the boundaries in place. So I'm going to talk specifically about a Christian Weight Loss Program that I used to do. So it would be time sensitive. It'd be like, let's say, a four-week Christian Weight Loss Program, and I didn't have the boundaries, so I would let people in late, right? And I didn't have the boundary, and I watched them suffer for it. They did not get the same experience. They didn't jell with the group the same way. They were missing things. And so after that, I felt so much better about holding firm, to say with the reminders and say, Hey, we really want you in. If you want to be in, we want you in here with us. And if they miss it, saying I am so sorry, we are planning on running another one, but it's not going to be for this many more months. And whatever, I felt so much better about holding that boundary because I knew I had seen if I let you in late, you think that you're going to want this? And I like, I'm not, I'm I was not okay ethically, watching those people not get the same experience. And so.

Laurie Graham  19:48 
Like, with the program you're talking. Yeah, that's an interesting experience,

Becky Brown  19:51 
Yeah, with a time sensitive thing and, and, yeah, you it can apply to sales and other things as well. But that was where I saw it most clearly in my business is, this is time sensitive, and there will be boundaries that will protect you and your best experience, and the group and their best experience too, and so that made it even more important to schedule the reminders and tell them a thousand times on Facebook, because Facebook only shows the audience that wants to see my messages one every 10 posts you know, like it made me feel so much more comfortable about scheduling a million posts, because we would have women each and every time say, oh my gosh, I almost forgot. I've been wanting this, and I'm so glad I got in on time and and so, yeah, going back to the kindness. This is a service. This is not nagging. So if you are listening to this, thinking, Okay, I would like to try this, but I need something written down, because I don't know what to do next. The Action Guide for this week's podcast is going to help you so much. So make sure to go and download that Action Guide. Laurie will tell you a little bit more about it in a second, but first I want to recap what we've talked about today. So we've talked about ethical scarcity, and it is about structure and honesty, not about pressure. We've talked about deadlines that help your people make thoughtful, grounded decisions that they probably already want. We've talked about how you can communicate timing in warm human language that feels like you, that feels aligned with you and your values, and we've talked about gentle nudges that respect people's bandwidth and support real-life decision making.

Laurie Graham  21:29 
You know, as you're talking, the word kind just kept coming to my mind, because you and I are really kind, like kind people, and I think sometimes we associate deadlines with being pushy or harsh, and I don't know, I don't know why that word just kept coming to mind, if somebody's listening right now and you're like, kind of resonate with that. Like, no matter what our character is coming into the these businesses, like, we can still be smart, right. Like, we think to be really strong in business, we have to be pushy, and we have to be, I don't know, sometimes a little self-centered, like we want to make the sale or make the win or competitive. I am not competitive at all. Like, I'm not, like, if I win, it's something I feel bad. Like I do. I feel bad, I want other people to win. I am the parent who would let the kids win games, because I feel bad when I win. And so I think if you're listening right now, and there's a bent to you that is kind of like I just, you know, like you're still bracing against ethical scarcity or deadlines or timers, like we're all in process for this. But I really think I just go back to sales at the grocery store. Nobody gets mad at the grocery store for having a flash sale, even a flash sale, like, I'll be in Fry's grocery store, we have Fry's, and like, there's a flash sale. It was never advertised, and the meat is on sale. And I don't go, Oh my gosh. How mean are they? I go, Oh my gosh, there's a sale. Let me grab, you know what I mean, I've got 30 minutes. It's got, it's on sale just today only, or until noon, you know? Like, it's like the old, was it Kmart Blue Light Specials or something, right? Like, we don't get mad at them. We go, Oh my gosh, you know. So I think if we can reframe it as a kindness and a celebration and a gift to people, I think it can also be different. Okay, so this week's Action Guide is called the Ethical Scarcity Language set. I love this. You have to get it. So we have a lot of different examples of language, of phrases, like and what we want you to do is, is pick one of the timing lines, just one that feels good for you, and try it on. One gentle nudge, and just use it somewhere, right? Use them this week or with a real offer, a post, or a conversation. Like, maybe you don't have, like, a big offer you have but, but you're selling a bookmark, or you have this. Just try it in a post or a conversation. Say, Hey, I have a special deal on this. And if you want it, this is what it's going to be until Friday. Like, just try one of the languages. Just try it out. Doesn't have to be some set thing you're putting out to world. It could be literally an offer you're giving to one person or one day on your Facebook, just for fun, to try it, just try it and let yourself feel how much easier it can be and softer it can be when you're using language that fits you, that's honest and calm. So this week's free Action Guide is the Ethical Scarcity Language Set. Link is in the show notes.

Becky Brown  24:25 
Awesome. Thanks so much for listening to Smart Soulful Business. If this conversation helped you breathe a little easier around selling, please share it with a friend who is also building something meaningful too.

Laurie Graham  24:37 
Yeah. And if you want more steady support as you grow. Join us in the Soulful Strategy Community, the link is always in the show notes. We practice together every week, everything that we learn so you don't have to build it alone. Because here's the thing, how much can you learn about deadlines and timers in one free podcast episode? A little bit, like we just touched on something. Becky and I are building courses in the membership we have. You know, we do strategy videos that literally build on each podcast episode, because you can't get everything you need out of one episode. But we're walking through, we're walking through all the details wherever you're at right now, bringing up questions, going deeper in where you are in your business today, whether you're starting, whether you're in the middle, whether you're growing toward you know, maybe it's not your first K, maybe it's your first 100k. We can walk there with you, and we want to. Like we're here for you!

Becky Brown  25:35 
Yes, all right. So we are so glad that you joined us. You do not have to build this alone. We're here with you. Go team.