020: Why Everyone Should Write a Book (And Why So Many Never Do)

So many people want to write a book — and quietly carry the disappointment of never doing it. 

In this episode, we talk about why that desire matters, why finishing is often harder than starting, and why writing a book is about growth, clarity, and courage — not ego. 

We explore what keeps people stuck and why “someday” so often turns into never. This is a permission-giving conversation for anyone who’s ever wondered if they really should write a book.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why wanting to write a book is reason enough
• The emotional cost of never finishing something that matters
• How writing supports confidence and personal growth
• Why finishing — not perfection — is the real win

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• This Week's Free Action Guide: The First Book Permission Check
• The Smart Soulful Business Facebook Community: www.smartbusiness.thrivecart.com/soulful-strategy-community

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Transcript

Becky Brown  0:01 
If you're a Christian woman, building a business and want it to be purposeful and profitable, we've got you covered. I'm Becky.

Laurie Graham  0:08 
And I'm Laurie. We have both built successful businesses that we love without losing our faith, humor or our sanity. This is Smart Soulful Business.

Becky Brown  0:17 
Real conversations to help your business fit your life and not the other way around. Hey, friends, welcome back to Smart Soulful Business with Becky and Laurie.

Laurie Graham  0:31 
Together, we help women build businesses that are soulful, strategic and grounded in real life, because we've had real life already today, haven't we?

Becky Brown  0:38 
Becky, oh my goodness, have we an unexpected canceled school day again? This is three weeks that they've been home now, and so they're just playing in the background, and that's gonna be fun. It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be fun. Okay, so today we are talking about something that so many people hold as a lifelong dream, but they often don't actually act on. So today we're going to be talking about the desire to write a book. By the end of this episode, we want you to feel not only permission and clarity, but the courage around that desire. So let's jump in. There are certain ideas that don't just pop into our heads once and disappear, and writing the book is often one of those. For a lot of people, this isn't just a passing thought or a fleeting desire, it's something that stays in the back of our minds. So Laurie, why do you think the desire to write a book keeps resurfacing or just stays there lingering, for so many people?

Laurie Graham  1:37 
I think because we long to, like, have our lives make a difference, like we have ideas and and we think, oh my gosh, somebody needs to hear this, or I want to share this. And you know, you said just a second ago, like it's not just a passing thought. I think sometimes we silence it and it becomes a passing thought because we think what we have isn't valuable enough, or my idea isn't good enough, or I'm not important enough. And so you know that I love this topic, because I truly believe that every single one of us is not just able to, but we are called to live a life of significance. And I love this idea of everyone in the whole planet writing a book like I really do like I think it is so important. But, yeah, I think there's a lot of reasons that make us want to write a book, and also, you know, kind of keep pushing it down. What do you think?

Becky Brown  2:28 
Well, I agree with you, and I do think that, to me, this is connected to this broader idea of each of us, like you already touched on this, that living a purposeful Christian life, and we were also purposefully placed to not live in isolation. We were placed to live in community. And writing a book is such a unique way to share our own insights from the Lord, the things that have really made a difference in our lives, that have changed our lives and transformed us. Of course, we want to share those with other people, and.

Laurie Graham  3:04 
It's not about like ego and fame or attention. Like sometimes people think, Oh, you think you're all that. No, I think this idea to write a book to share our story comes out in I believe, just God-given desire to learn, to grow, to share. I mean, like, if you think back even to early times, if anybody studies history, there's always been storytellers. Like storytelling has been part of all of us since, since the beginning of Creation. But books hold stories. They hold lessons. They hold faith. They hold experience, they hold growth. It's like putting it in print. It's like that idea that our story doesn't end when our life does.

Becky Brown  3:48 
Oh, I love that so much. So my parents, my mom specifically, has gotten so intentional in her grandparenting. And one of the words she uses out that, she throws out there, a lot is legacy and how are you going to leave a legacy to pass on to your grandchildren? What do you want them to pass on to their grandchildren? And what impact? And a lot of it is storytelling. And so I just think that this is just really important in our relationships, in our families, and in our Christian community world, like Big C church, Christian community.

Laurie Graham  4:24 
Yeah, this idea of wanting to write a book, it comes up in so many places, so many areas of our life, sometimes specific and sometimes general. This idea to write a book comes up for parents, for ministry leaders, for business owners, for regular people who hold jobs in every industry, and oftentimes, usually even in fact, it comes up for those of us who don't even call ourselves writers. This desire shows up because there's something meaningful asking to be named or to be called out or to be written or to be communicated or to be shared.

Becky Brown  4:58 
Ooh, yes, and you. Even though the desire is real, most people never actually start, or they start and then they stop almost right away. Which brings us to why so many books never make it past the idea stage.

Laurie Graham  5:15 
Yeah, you know what? If you're listening right now, like wherever you are listening from, if you have a book you've already written, if you have a book in your head, if you had a passing thought when you were six years old, you know, or when you were a teenager that you were going to write. So many of us get really stuck. And I don't think most people get stuck because we're lazy or unmotivated. I don't think that's it, or not talented enough, or not able, or not called I think we get stuck because the idea of writing a book feels heavier than it needs to be. Like, if you think about that, like the idea of writing a book, it's like it feels daunting, it feels overwhelming. So what do you think Becky tends to stop people before they even get started.

Becky Brown  6:04 
Oh, I mean, okay, for me, it's usually two things. It's usually confidence. I struggle with insecurities, and so it's usually me telling myself, what do you have to share? Why? Who do you think you are to be writing kind of the ego you were sharing about earlier. So that's one side of things that tends to stop me from stopping before I even start. And the other thing is just the practical pieces of what would I even do with this afterwards? How do I even write this? What does this look like, practically like? How do I get it published? All of those questions, those floating question marks, those two things that like it just feels like insurmountable obstacles. And so I'm just like, well, it feels way more comfortable to just stay here in my comfort zone and not do the hard things and not have to figure out all the answers to these questions. And so that's why I stop before I start. What about you? What would you add to that list?

Laurie Graham  6:59 
Okay, I just want to say the fact that you're saying you want to answer all these questions. This is exactly why we're doing this podcast seriess, is so that you listening right now you don't have to find all the answers. We're going to give them to you like, we're literally going to walk you through things. You have just delved into, know it or not, a series on writing a book. So we have today's episode talking about why everybody should write a book. Next week's episode is going to talk about publishing shifts, what it used to be, what it is now, and the good news around that. The next episode, 22, we're actually going to be talking about why your first book should be easy and is going to be easy, and we're going to tell you why. And then the last episode in this series is going to be about why a book still changes how people see you, even in such a crowded place, okay, and so we're actually covering a lot of the issues that we've even started talking about in this very first episode in this series of four. And so we are just so excited just to keep going Becky loop me back, because I just went off into a new tangent, and I need to find my little outline here.

Becky Brown  8:01 
Yeah, so we were just talking about what stops you before you begin. And I also want to throw in because we haven't even shared yet. Both Laurie and I have have written multiple books. We have multiple books out there, and we, because of our experience and our success in our experience there, that's why we're sharing this with you. So, okay, we were talking about what stops us before we also but before we even begin.

Laurie Graham  8:26 
So I and let me, let me jump into what mine is. Because yes, thank you for looping me back. So if this was your first episode, you're hearing us, I'm a bit ADHD, and Becky is not. So she helps bring me back, oftentimes, to where we need to be. So I do want to answer your question back that you asked me earlier, what tends to stop me sometimes before I really start? Because to me, I think the biggest thing that has stopped me in the past, and you helped me get over this, was thinking that my first book had to be amazing, like I had to make all the right decisions. I had to really dive into all those big questions before starting. So to me, starting before I even, or stopping before I even get started, is usually based on kind of a brain spiral that I get into, and the fear, yeah, the fear that I'll start something and not finish, quite honestly, because that has been, you know, something that's kind of stuck with me in the past, which isn't even real, like, clearly, I finished things, I start, built a multiple six-figure business. I, you know, have raised kids. I, you know, I've done really well in so many areas, but I still have, like, a fear of that, which is based in other things as well, but well.

Becky Brown  9:40 
And I love that you brought that up, because all of us have something that's built this seemingly insurmountable obstacle in our minds, right? All of us have something, and we're going to help you figure out what that is for you in today's Action Guide. So make sure you download that. But I also want to throw in that there can also be a bit of grief here, when we recognize yeah, something inside of us realizing that we have held onto this dream and haven't done anything about it for so long that idea of, gosh, I've been saying I want to do this for years and I haven't done anything about it, that can really turn into shame, even when it's unconscious and in the back of your mind, it's just something that stays there. It holds and that can also make it harder to begin.

Laurie Graham  10:29 
Oh, so true. And if all that pressure and all that expectation what we're talking about right now has stalled us, many of us, from writing our first book, The next question really becomes, why does it matter? Why should I write a book? Why should I write a first book, which might or might not be my only book? Why does it matter?

Becky Brown  10:47 
Yes, definitely. And this is where we want to reframe the goal. So your first book isn't meant to be a New York Times bestseller. That pressure of, oh, it has to be the greatest thing you've ever written, the first time you ever do it, that pressure alone can stop so many meaningful projects and books and stories from being told. Of course, that lofty goal feels unattainable because that's that's really unrealistic for a lot of us. So what if the real goal of your first book is simply to do it, to write it, to finish it, to do one book imperfectly, but done. What do you think about that, Laurie?

Laurie Graham  11:31 
Well, I think it's why we're doing this series. Yeah, for sure. I think it's so important. And I, you know, I am a, I was gonna say I'm a bigger proponent of this than you are, but I might not be, Becky like, I really think everybody should write a book. Like, do you feel? Do you feel like that the same as I do?

Becky Brown  11:49 
I don't know that I share exactly the same belief. No. But do I believe that everybody is capable of writing some kind of a book? Yes. And I also want to throw out that writing looks a lot different for some people. So in my mind, when I'm thinking of, well, writing isn't the way that some people communicate best, you know, and that's okay, but like, there are so many different styles of books that you could put out there. Are you a really good conversationalist and you have really great questions to draw people out, then maybe what you want to write is some kind of a journal to get people reflecting. Maybe you do think more in Devotional type format, where you're going to encourage and connect your encouragement to Scripture. Maybe it's more of a story where it's you sharing your life and like in different, in chapter format. You know, there's so many different types of writing. And maybe you're more academic, where you want to give somebody structure and teaching, and it's so many different styles of writing. So just keep that in your mind, too, as you're thinking about what this could look like.

Laurie Graham  12:49 
I love that, because when I talk about everybody should write a book in my head, all those things are there, like, it could be a coloring book, it could be a conversation starter. It could be like, you know, so to me, it's like, I think everybody should put something out there into the world. And for me, I think this comes down to finishing it matters more than the product itself being impressive. Like I think everybody should write a book. And we're going to talk, by the way, in the upcoming, upcoming episodes in the series, about what it means to your business, about how it can help your branding, about all of that but, but just to take even a further back look, I think the point of writing a book, oftentimes, is the confidence, the process, what we get from saying 'I did that thing' instead of 'I thought about doing that thing', because I think years ago, I read a statistic. I don't remember what it is right now, but like, how many people in their lives have wanted to write a book, and how many people on their deathbeds say, Oh, I never wrote that book. I never, I never finished that or and not their deathbed. But as they get older, like, Oh, I wish I had done that thing, right. And writing a book is really common for so many people. And I think for me, when I wrote my first book, which you helped me do, Becky, and we'll talk about that process and how quick it was, and all kinds of things I was, I just felt so good when it was done, like, yeah, when I got a book in the mail that had my name on the spine. And by the way, the cover was odd-looking. And, you know, we're rebranding so many things. You know, we talk about putting things out there and just doing it, and then we can go back and change it later, right? But something about that did something in my heart, like I did it, I finished it, and going through the process was uncomfortable and hard and foreign, and you helped make it simple for me and doable, which we're going to help everyone do. But there was something about that to me, that was almost the real goal of the first book was doing it, was finishing it.

Becky Brown  14:59 
And I think an element here of what you're talking about is following through on our word to ourselves when we have this desire. I mean, holding a desire is fine, but if it stays there and we never respond to it, then that turns into regret. And man, when we say, You know what, I want to do this, and then we follow it up with, Okay, I'm gonna figure it out. No matter what that looks like, imperfectly like, I'm gonna figure it out that something changes, right? Not just on the page, but in our confidence, like you talked about, in our in our knowledge, in our experience. It changes the way we show up for future projects, in our business, right?

Laurie Graham  15:41 
Yeah, and in our life, like, in our life. Like, I love that you talked about that. And I think the thing that I really want everybody listening to understand is this is doable. Like, you don't need a bunch of money, you don't need a publisher, you don't need to be have a PhD. You don't need to be super equipped. Like, this is, it's actually really doable to publish a book, and it's something that you know, when you think about all the things in our world that we have no control over, right? Like, yeah, I mean health and weather and disasters and. Sleep. The results of our work, right? Like the final results of things we talk about, so many things are outside our control. And I'm just saying right now, this actually is something that is in your control. It's in my control. Every one of us can write a book. And we're gonna make it easy.

Becky Brown  16:38 
Yes, for sure.

Laurie Graham  16:39 
Yeah, I think there's something really deeply grounding about becoming someone who finishes what matters to me, right? Like, if it matters to you, like, when we finish something that matters to us, sometimes there's even an identity shift. Well, I think there always is an identity shift. There's an identity growth. Like, Oh, I did that thing. And I think that alone is worth the effort, even if one person reads your book or no one, or if you just get it in the mail and keep your own little author copy. I think that identity shift alone is really worth the effort.

Becky Brown  17:13 
And I think the other thing that we're talking about here is this is a learning experience, and you might learn, gosh, I don't like writing that way. Or I really, oh, gosh, I'm more drawn to this thing. And it is, it's, it is an identity thing in, yeah, I'm gonna try this. I'm gonna give this a fair shot and see what happens next. And take, take the uncomfortable steps, figure it out, learn, grow, move forward. And that is more about character than about the thing itself. It's like, like we keep talking about, it's less about the book itself, whatever it is, whatever style it is, all the, all the things we tend to get hung up on. Yeah, it's not about that thing. It's about doing doing it, somehow, doing it, figuring it out along the way. So, so, yeah, I think it just, it changes the way that that we, that we show up, like you said, for ourselves in our business and for ourselves personally in the future, this is important.

Laurie Graham  18:08 
Yeah, writing a book doesn't just produce a thing, like a physical thing. It doesn't just produce a book. It produces a whole lot of growth, and often in the middle of it, there's that unexpected sense of peace and confidence, and sometimes there's even clarity, because that process of writing a book is so interesting. Becky, what do you think shifts? Or can shift when somebody says yes, even before they finish, when they actually just say yes to writing their book, because I'm going to say right now people listening, if I were you and I was listening on any other day of my life, you know, maybe ten years ago, maybe two years ago, you know, maybe in the future. I know in our brains, things are going off like, Oh, I haven't thought about writing a book. Or I had thought about it and I decided not to, or I already wrote one book. Or, you know what happens when somebody says yes to writing their book, whether it's their first or their next?

Becky Brown  19:07 
Yeah? So I think that that decision is really important, because up until you make the decision of, I'm going to do this, it stays a pipe dream. It stays like, Oh, it's just this floating thing out there. Like, yeah, that would be nice someday. When you make the decision to write the book, then it's like you have you've taken the first step, so then your next decision is, okay, what's my next step? What do I need to do next, do I need to jump into the first chapter? Do I need to do an outline for the whole book? What's my next step? And it gets more and more concrete with every step that you take. So I want to share that from my experience, I am a planner, and I really like having systems and processes and knowing what's coming up and writing step-by-step. And I did that for my book. I said, first time doing this, and then this, and then this. And can I tell you I didn't follow that process at all? I tried to start and I was like, I can't do that first. I can't do that next. That doesn't even make sense here. It messed with me, guys, I'm just telling you, like I like knowing what's coming and because I didn't even know what the roadblocks would be when I first started it, because I never done this before, we always throw out there, Shauna Niequist quote, I just haven't learned that yet. I hadn't learned how to do it yet. I thought, I thought I could plan it the best I could, and how somebody else did it, or how the Internet recommended you do it, or five steps, or whatever. Things I thought would be issues, like having enough ideas to write about, those were not issues at all, but things that I didn't expect would be hard, like keeping my entries short enough guys, I didn't realize how long-winded I was before I tried to write a book, I was writing a Devotional, and you can't have a Devotional that's like five pages for a morning. You can't do that. And so condensing my thoughts that was way harder than I expected it to be, and there was no way I could learn that about myself without doing the thing I didn't know until I was actually doing it. So I'm going to challenge you with the same thing, because your things are probably going to be different than my things, but you won't know. Things, but you won't know what they are until you start.

Laurie Graham  21:04 
So I have shared that you helped me write my first book. You're the reason I got it done. Who helped you or what helped you? Like, did you have anybody mentoring you? Were you like, looking things up on the blog? Like, I mean, I don't how did you figure it out? Because without you, I would, I literally wouldn't have done it. I think I would have gotten stuck at many spots because you just kept pushing me. So did anyone help you?

Becky Brown  21:26 
No. So I, this is not a strength of mine, guys, this is not a strength of mine. I am a researcher, but I would have learned so much better and faster from a person. If I had found a person who had done this before that, like Laurie did, it would have been so much easier, and I encourage you to do that. And we are here for you. We've done it, so we're here for you. We're offering ourselves to you. But I went to Google and I tried to find like I was learning from people who were not even in my niches, not my category, like I was just piecemealing random information together the best I could to make a plan it. I don't recommend it, but that's what I did. That's what I did.

Laurie Graham  22:04 
If you are listening right now and you like us, and you can track with Becky and I, with her very groundedness and my ADHD, I just want to tell you we are releasing two courses this month. This month, we're releasing two different courses. One is How To Write Your First Book this year, and it literally goes through many modules to take you through the steps that I was stuck in, right? And the other course that we're working on is basically, if you wrote a book, how to get it published on Amazon KDP. So the reason I asked Becky that question is because I just know we're gonna save you guys so much time.

Becky Brown  22:40 
So much time, so much time.

Laurie Graham  22:43 
And energy and effort, because we're going to take you through the steps that we didn't know until we figured out and did it. And so we will be keeping you posted when those courses are released. But they are coming, and we are so excited about it.

Becky Brown  22:57 
And I want to throw out there one of, like, one of the main reasons that we are creating these courses is because we've already made all of the mistakes, and we don't want you to make the same ones, because we can save you from those. So that's why we're putting it together the way we are, because we want to save you time, energy, heartache, all the things. Okay, all right, so let's jump back. So all of this that we're talking about now, we're just gonna jump back to what Laurie said earlier. We just believe that writing a book isn't about ego. It's about stewardship. It's about taking these insights that the Lord has given you, the strengths, your your strengths, your unique experiences and insights into life that your unique encouragement, your gifts, sharing with people, just stewardship of what you have learned, what you have lived, what you carry and can share with the world and impact them for the better. So today, we talked about why the desire to write a book keeps coming back. Why so many people never start or finish. Why finishing your first book or your next book matters way more than being impressive or perfect, and what changes when we finally say yes? So here is your simple step for the next 48 hours. Name what's been stopping you up until now, if you have had this dream of writing a book. We are not asking you to fix that thing. We're not asking you to even write anything yet. Right now, the important part is to think about, you know, when we were talking about at the beginning of the episode, whatever your insurmountable obstacle is, we want you to name it, because most of us haven't. So it's really important to put words to it, and we're going to help you out with that. So this week's free Action Guide is called the First Book Permission Check, and it's just a really short, practical guide to help you name what's holding you back and reconnect with Why? Why do you want to write a book? Why does this matter to you? So the link is in the show notes. Make sure you download that and go through the process. It won't even take you that long. It's just about pausing, noticing, naming it so that you can move forward. So if you have been wanting to write a book for a long time, but you keep getting stuck before you really start, this is exactly why we are creating these courses on how to write your first book. They are designed to help you finish something meaningful, something purposeful without it needing to be perfect, just doing the thing. So if you want steady support as you build something, this purposeful thing that you have to offer the world, we just want you to come and join us in the Soulful Strategy Community. That link is also in the show notes. That's where we walk this out together. You have more access to Laurie and I to ask more personalized questions that we can support you through. And if today's conversation has encouraged you, please leave us a quick review. It just helps more people find these episodes. We are so grateful that you're here and we'll see you next time on Smart Soulful Business.