Your Kids Are Your Reason, Not Your Excuse

Welcome back to Proof It's Possible! In this episode, we dive into the challenges and rewards of balancing motherhood with entrepreneurship. Together, we discuss the societal pressures that often make mothers feel guilty about pursuing their dreams and explore how to break free from those expectations. We also emphasize the importance of setting a positive example for children, showing that it’s possible to chase your ambitions while being a loving parent. Tune in as we discuss:

• Why you need to stop using your kids as an excuse to not do the thing.
• Don't let mom guilt dictate your life choices.
• Your happiness can coexist with being a great mom.
• Empower your children by showing them what's possible.

How have you managed the balance between motherhood and entrepreneurship? What’s one thing you can do today to take a step toward your dreams while showing your children what it means to follow your passions? Share your thoughts with us—we’d love to hear your journey! DM us on Instagram @dayle_sheehan_designs & @jamiedfrancis! See you next time!

This episode is sponsored by our Ultimate Girls Trip! Be sure to go to www.proofitspossible.com for more info.

For More Information:
• Proof It's Possible Website
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Dayle:
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Jamie:
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Transcript

Dayle (00:01)
Hi guys, welcome back and thank you so much for joining us again this week. Today we are talking about some polarizing conversations that we've been having lately about motherhood and entrepreneurship and just managing it all and basically, Jay, would you, you're the mom here. So, you know, it's nice of me to like,

Jamie (00:29)
I think I don't...

Dayle (00:31)
Get on my soapbox and be like, don't do this, don't do that. But let's talk to a real mom. What's your thoughts?

Jamie (00:37)
Okay, so what I often hear is like, wow, how do you do it all? These are common things that people bring to me. How do you do it all? Well, A, I don't. B, my kids are just so busy. I could never start a business. I could never do a podcast. I could never go on a girls trip. I could never go to New York City. And all I wanna say in like the least judgy way possible is stop.

Dayle (00:59)
Mm-hmm.

Jamie (01:07)
using your kids as an excuse to not do the thing.

Dayle (01:12)
Yep. Okay.

Jamie (01:13)
I just

like, just stopped doing it. So Mila, my oldest, was bawling the night before I left for New York City. I was leaving the next morning at like 5.30 in the morning. She knew that I was only gone, supposed to be gone for four days. And she was crying. I'm like, why are you crying? Like what has got you so upset? Did something happen at school? Whatever. And she's like, no, I'm just gonna miss you. And I'm like, okay, fair enough. It's only four days. This is not unusual.

Her, my parents live in town and cater to, I know but they're not raised parents, you know what I'm saying?

Dayle (01:46)
my parents too.

Right, yeah, yeah. Thank God.

That'd be weird.

Jamie (01:54)
They cater to Mila's every demand. like she lives a great life when I'm not here. Like her dad looks after her, her grandma comes and picks her up, takes her to her sports, does takes her out for dinner, does all the things. Like there's no reason for her to be upset that I'm leaving. So I said to her, Bug, what is the actual problem? And she's like, I just wish I could come to New York. And I was like, there we go.

Dayle (01:58)
Yes, of course. they're being loved. They're being... yes.

Yes.

Nailed

it. There it is. Yeah.

Jamie (02:20)
Okay, here we go. We got

some honesty here. She's jealous and I understand that. I feel incredibly jealous when I don't get included on the trip or someone's going somewhere that I'm like, I wanted to go there. I get that. 100 % get that. And I said to her, Mila, mom's going on this trip because it's really important for me. I am being honored by being on a billboard in Times Square. And it's important for me to go do this trip so that when you're bigger,

Dayle (02:32)
Totally.

Jamie (02:49)
you can see that it's okay as a mom to chase your dreams. It's okay. Like I'm giving you permission to do the thing when you're bigger because if I didn't, if I stayed back and I said like, I don't need to go on that trip. It's not important to me. And I played small. It's teaching her and her sister and her brother that playing small is what is expected of you once you become a mom. And I am just not willing to perpetuate that lie.

Dayle (02:54)
What do I?

Totally.

Jamie (03:17)
I'm just not willing to teach them that because I don't believe that. And she was like, you're right, mom, you're right. And I said to her, when you are bigger, you're going to maybe have an opportunity to be on a billboard in Times Square. And I hope that you don't stay home because your daughter is crying and telling you she's going to miss you. Because you're longer.

Dayle (03:32)
Because you have guilt. Exactly. Because you have mom guilt. know, and I think we,

think moms, like I feel for moms because I'm like, you know, how many things moms get guilted about? Is the lunch good enough, nutritious enough, big enough, too big? Did they, is there too much sugar in their diet? Are they spending quality alone time with each child? Did they put them in enough activities? Did they put them in too much? Like there's judgment around anything a mom does. Anything.

Jamie (03:43)
I'm sorry.

Did they put them into many activities?

Mm-hmm.

Dayle (04:03)
So if you go and let that mom guilt take the wheel of your entire life, that teaches your kids nothing, nothing good. I remember the other like sort of this podcast called Proof It's Possible because that's like our goal to prove to anybody that's watching things are possible that you dream up, right?

Jamie (04:25)
More whiskey.

Dayle (04:27)
So

why wouldn't your kids be the first people we care about? And I remember for me with the kids, I was doing the home show and at the home show, was the like one of the speakers for the weekend. So I spoke multiple times throughout the weekend and it was a highlight of my career. It was a very lucky opportunity. I got to speak next to Brian Balmer, you know, every single day, which is very cool. He's a guy from HGTV. Um, and I remember the kids coming and like,

They totally made like a ruckus in the audience and like they were distracting me and it made me laugh and whatever. And I just thought like, they're probably too young to digest what this is or the magnitude of this. And that's okay. But I'm glad that they came to see me because fast forward one year, it was a Mila thing again, that the school like basically was like, we need somebody to, to read the like, you know,

Jamie (05:06)
Mm-hmm.

or ensure Dave home.

Dayle (05:22)
Yeah, exactly. Like something in front of the entire school. And let's just keep in mind, these are COVID kids. Their reading wasn't great at the time. They needed the recovery years to catch up. know, like it wasn't her strong suit. It wasn't something. But to her, speaking in public was kind of normal because she literally came and acted like a kid in the audience and talked. Her brother wandered around, you know.

Jamie (05:30)
Not good.

Dayle (05:49)
Like they saw somebody doing it in their own life and they're like, okay, well, if you did it, if my auntie can do it, I could do it. I could put my hand up for this opportunity. And like all I want for them in their life is to put their hand up when an opportunity comes along. That's all I want. I want them to be brave enough and self confident enough to put their hand up. If they're going to do a good job, if they're not going to do a good job and they're going to learn a lesson, I don't care. I don't actually care if she messes up 10 words. And the crazy thing was, is I was like,

Ooh, are you gonna be able to like follow through? Are you gonna panic at the last minute? Like I had so much worry for her about reading in front of the whole school that, but she didn't. She's like, no, I'm good. I know what, you know. And I think she might've even like taken over the boys part that like did kind of panic. Like there was two kids doing it and she, she like filled in at one point and I was like, this girl's on frigging fire. Like she doesn't, nothing's stopping her. She doesn't even, it hasn't dawned on her that this is even scary.

She's just doing the thing because she watched us do it. So it's doable.

Jamie (06:54)
And that's the, like, that is the message that I want every mom to hear is that don't use them as an excuse. Use them as your fuel to do the thing. Like, don't say, I can't go on that trip because, my kids don't like it when I leave or they need me or who's going to pack their lunch. They will, their dads will figure it out. Their grandparents will figure it out. They can live a whole life without you there for three days, four days, five days.

Dayle (06:58)
Buh-heee!

Exactly.

Exactly.

Jamie (07:23)
10 days, whatever it is. And like they need to see you not sacrificing yourself and becoming a martyr in your own life. They need to see you say yes. They need to see that it is possible. They need proof that it is actually possible. They need proof that they can be brave. They need proof that they are allowed to choose themselves. They need proof that it's okay to give up some of your responsibilities temporarily to chase your dreams.

Dayle (07:33)
Totally.

Yeah, to be brave. Yes, exactly.

Jamie (07:53)
They need to see somebody doing it. They need to be your why and not your excuse.

Dayle (07:57)
I agree and taking it even further than just like going on the trip or leaving them for a few days for whatever you read. Like, cause I don't care if your reason is to go sit at the beach with your girlfriends and laugh. Like I could care less what the reason is. but even further, if you go and like in the spirit of this podcast and start the business and they watch you work hard on that business and they, whether you win at the business, lose at the business and everything in between, they watch you do it.

Jamie (08:09)
I'm done.

Mm-hmm.

Dayle (08:27)
They watch you take a risk. They watch your ups and downs, which I know like in an ideal world, our kids never see, you know, kids never see anything bad or they never see anything hard. But truthfully, that's what actually makes them realize that they watch you cry one day about your business. And then the next day celebrate cause you got your product into a local store and now it's going to sell 10 times what it sold the previous month or the previous year. Like,

These are wins that I actually think you should bring your kids on the journey of.

Jamie (09:01)
Well, this is the whole thing. Kids learn by mimicking. So they will do what they see. And as they age, that will change. But a young mind learns by mimicking behaviors that they see. So if they see you crying and then pulling it together, they're gonna learn that it's okay to cry and it's okay to pull it together and that both can coexist.

Dayle (09:06)
Yes.

Jamie (09:26)
that you can have sad days and happy days, you can have rough days and great days, you can be high energy, low energy, that you can fail and still succeed. They are going to witness you doing it and then they're going to mimic that behavior. And whether that's like, you you felt completely defeated by the housework one day and then the next day you clean the entire house. Like we don't have to talk about these big exponential wins or these big exponential losses or.

Dayle (09:48)
No.

Mm-hmm.

Jamie (09:52)
you know, really, really low days, we can talk about just like the everyday, everyday wins and loses, you know, like the things, oh, I didn't have the energy for that today, but I'm going to really get after it tomorrow. They learn by watching you and adversity is a skill they need to learn, like coming back from adversity or fighting back through adversity or resiliency, that is a skill that they need to see. like to shelter them from all of that isn't helpful either.

Dayle (09:58)
You

Exactly.

Yeah, resiliency.

Bulldarn it.

Well, exactly. like the other thing I also think is they because kids mimic what they see and hear. If you're negative all the time and you give all the reasons you can't and they start overhearing that they will be can't do people, you know, they will take on the reasons that you have set out in front of them and your mindset around money, risk, what's possible for you.

Jamie (10:29)
Mm-hmm.

in here.

Dayle (10:48)
what's good in life, what's bad in life, they are going to be little miniature versions of you. So if you constantly complain, guess what? Your kids will constantly complain. If you constantly go somewhere and you're like, you wanna know what's the matter with this place? They should have done this different. They should have went there. They should have had, you know, whatever. Like if you're at a business or something and you complain about the service the whole time, your kids are gonna be like, okay, well, I'm gonna walk into every business and I'm gonna pick it apart and I'm gonna make them wrong and I'm gonna make it bad.

Or if you're like, yeah, exactly.

Jamie (11:18)
or I'm gonna do it on the schoolyard, know, it's my friend's fault, like for

doing the thing. Yeah, I 100 % agree. And yes, the language that you use in your everyday life and the emotions that you let prevail is what they will see. So if that's negativity, if that's the down and outer victim, like never works out for me attitude, well, they're gonna mimic that. That is absolutely gonna become part of their.

Dayle (11:44)
Exactly. And they see them.

Yeah, they see themselves in your image. So it's like you're the you're who they worship, you're who they want to become your, you know, until they maybe one day grow up and are like, I got to undo some of my stuff. But let's not give them all this stuff to undo. Like, this is a mindset change you can do right now. And I agree with you, like

Jamie (11:48)
No message.

Mm-hmm.

Dayle (12:11)
Stop making your kids the excuse for why you're not doing everything you dreamt of and start making them the reason because this is the other thing. Let's say you're a mom, you start the business, you thrive. Let's just go to the best case scenario. It improves their life in every way. You're happier, you're fulfilled, you're financially secure, so you're not stressed. You are showing them that they're capable of absolutely anything they put their mind to, even if you're scared. Take the step.

Jamie (12:28)
Mm-hmm.

You do this?

You do this?

Dayle (12:41)
Do the thing,

start, just start. honestly, like the way, you know how there's some things that are just like a no brainer once you've like identified that you're doing them, you're like, I'm never gonna do this again. To me, it's like, this is one of those things. Like this is one of those things that I know that there's a mom listening to us right now who's mad and we're sorry, but please don't just be mad and not think about what we're saying.

Jamie (13:10)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle (13:10)
please go

away and say, why am I mad? Why am I feeling judged right now? Yeah, exactly. And it's not that we're like trying to be nasty bees over here. We are trying to get you out of the mindset that you get to hide behind your excuse. know, like you get to stay the martyr of motherhood because they

Jamie (13:13)
Yeah. Why is this triggering me?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Dayle (13:40)
happiness and your fulfillment as a mom can stand right beside being a great mom. It's not one or the other. It's not one or the other. And like, Jamie, one of the funniest things that I always I tell people this all the time, I think it's like, actually a little bit bizarre, is that one time one of the kids, it was one of the girls, I think basically said, Yeah, my mom picks me up every single day from school. She because she doesn't have a job. And I was like,

Jamie (13:47)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle (14:09)
your mother doesn't have a job? And she's like, well, yeah, I mean, how would she have a job if she didn't pick me up every day? And I'm like, your mom gets up very early before you wake up and she does part of that job. Like she does paperwork. She does, you know, then you leave for school, baby doll, and she works all day while you're gone. And then yes, she's prioritized picking you up. That is, but I said, do you know that your mommy has a couple of jobs with several jobs?

Jamie (14:12)
Yeah.

Dayle (14:37)
like and she runs her own business and that she's the president of in, you know, when I started giving her and she was like, what? Like she basically was like, did like the like little kid version of like, get it girl. I didn't even know you were doing all that. And I thought this is the funniest thing ever because to her, somebody with a job meant they couldn't pick their kids up at school. Their kids took the bus home.

Jamie (14:53)
Bye!

Dayle (15:02)
because they worked from nine to five at an office or at the hospital or whatever it is that that job was. It didn't dawn on her till we like had the conversation that you made money from your home. You ran a business from the office that they come in and bomb and treat as their craft zone. you know, and, but I was like, isn't that interesting that we, needed to have that conversation with her. I didn't even know she didn't know.

Jamie (15:19)
Yeah.

I know it is crazy. It really is crazy. But I also think that like having that conversation makes her realize that like, maybe I, when I'm older, I don't need to have a conventional job either. Maybe I can prioritize picking my kids up from school or I can prioritize going on vacation or I can prioritize like, you know, not being tied to a traditional nine to five sit in somebody else's office type of a job.

Dayle (15:42)
Yeah? Yeah.

for sure.

Jamie (15:57)
It's giving them permission to like dream a little bigger, dream a little different than what they have been exposed to.

Dayle (16:02)
Exactly.

Exactly. And I'm the first person to also say some people are better parents if they get to work out of the home and they get to get away from kids and you know, like, wouldn't you say that you like work like like work helps you like your family life better because you have something else to do all day. Does that make sense? You know, and

Jamie (16:28)
Absolutely, yeah, yeah. I feel like I would feel

really unfulfilled if I didn't have something to do while they were at school.

Dayle (16:37)
For sure. For sure.

Jamie (16:39)
And like,

I know that like, you know, doing laundry and dishes and although it works great for some people, that's not like my calling, that's not. There's more.

Dayle (16:48)
Exactly, honestly.

like, God bless you if you do like it. Come do my laundry. I would love that. And like also, make that a business. If you love doing laundry, make it into a business because there's so many people like me that I'm like, I can't keep up. I can't keep up with this house, with my things. And that's actually doing physical jobs is a great business.

Jamie (16:55)
God bless.

If there is somebody listening, if

there's someone listening in the Kelowna area that would like to serve a laundry business, let me be your first customer. You can come to my house or you can take my laundry away to your house. Whatever works best for you. If this is a dream that's on your heart, let me help you.

Dayle (17:17)
Totally.

Totally. Yep, you can take it away. Yes. Open.

Totally, But seriously.

That's a great business. Just like, you know, like I have a girlfriend that owns a house cleaning business and she's, she employs staff. She, it's a great business to be in, but that was her passion. She started cleaning houses. She's like, it's what I like doing. I'm very good at it. And we all have a set of skills. And I was like, get it girl. Yeah. That there's zero judgment for me just because I don't like cleaning my house. Like, does it make your dream wrong?

Jamie (17:37)
It's a great.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Dayle (18:06)
Like, you know.

Jamie (18:07)
Just

like you don't like doing accounting, doesn't make the accountants wrong. It just means that that's not your preference. That's not your area of expertise.

Dayle (18:09)
No! No!

It's not my calling

and like thank God it's someone else's because I'd be in big trouble without them You know So no, I agree that your kids will thrive if you thrive so whatever it is that makes you feel like you're thriving Do that do that and like for some people they're gonna do they're gonna have this conversation in their heart and their head and they're gonna be like do you want to know what actually makes me thrive is having a 9-5 job getting a consistent paycheck

Jamie (18:18)
Absolutely.

Yes.

more of that.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Dayle (18:43)
and coming home after work and having nothing else to worry about other than being with my family. No spillover between working life and family life. And that's also great. know, like that's the thing, but don't make your kids the reason you're not doing whatever that is. So whether you're the stay at home mom right now and you really want the job, whether you have the job or the business and you actually just want to be a stay at home mom, do it the other way.

Jamie (18:48)
Absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry.

Totally.

Yep.

Dayle (19:12)
Do it

the other way. If that's actually what your heart is saying, figure out a way to live your best life and go be the stay at home mom. I actually, the judgment is not about what it is you choose. The judgment is about not fulfilling your own calling because of outside pressures and the excuses, the excuse of your kids or your family or somebody not being in agreement with that decision.

Jamie (19:15)
Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

Dayle (19:42)
All right, friends, we'd love to hear the ways you felt judged, the way you've used your family as your excuse to not chase your dreams, whether you feel like you've come out of a hole and all of a sudden your kids are a little bit independent. You're like, actually, who am I? What do I want? Let's chat, let's do a coffee chat. We love hearing from you and we hope that you find the thing that you love. Bye.

Jamie (19:49)
Okay.

Mm-hmm. my gosh, yes.

Bye guys.