The Piles of Sh*t We Keep — and Why They’re Keeping Us Stuck

Welcome back to Proof It's Possible! In this conversation, Dayle and Jamie explore the concept of 'piles of shit'—both physical and mental clutter that we accumulate over time. They discuss how we become desensitized to these piles, the impact of ignoring them, and the importance of accountability and external perspectives in managing our clutter. The conversation emphasizes the mental toll of unresolved tasks and the need for self-awareness in addressing our personal and professional piles. Tune in to discover: 

• When we often become desensitized to our clutter.
• How physical piles can represent mental loads we carry.
• How accountability from others and external perspectives can help us manage our piles.
• Why mental piles can be just as overwhelming as physical ones.
• How these piles show up in your business and what to do about them.

What are your piles, and where are they showing up in your life? Share your thoughts with us — we’d love to hear! DM us on Instagram @dayle_sheehan_designs & @jamiedfrancis! See you next time!

This episode is sponsored by our Ultimate Girls Trip! Our winter waitlist is now open for the next Ultimate Girls Trip. Be sure to go to www.proofitspossible.com for more info.

For More Information:
• Proof It's Possible Website
• The Ultimate Girls Trip Instagram

Dayle:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website
• Interior Design

Jamie:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website

Transcript

Dayle (00:30)
Hi, welcome back. We are so glad that you are joining us again. Today we are chatting about a concept that I like to call, we get used to our own piles of shit. And what that means is, I was looking around my house and then Jamie and I started talking about this. And it's like, when I look around my house, my house is like pretty clean. You know, everything's where it's supposed to be and all of that. But there's these little piles of

things and stuff that I've just slowly sort of accepted. They're like, you know, a set of a bunch of vitamins on the counter in my bathroom. And there's some papers on my desk that I'm like, I don't know what to do with. I don't know where I'm going to need later. I just want to keep them close out available to me because what if I, you know, need them soon type of a thing. And then like six months goes by and I'm like, why is my, why is this like,

renewal paper still sitting here. I've already renewed the thing. I just didn't do anything with the stuff in the pile. And I think we all have piles of stuff, piles of shit that we have just sort of learned to accept. Some of us have more than others, whether it is a physical actual pile of the thing, but we have piles that are also in our head, in our...

life in our closets in our you know so what are your thoughts on this and do you have piles of shit as well

Jamie (01:54)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Okay, well let's just treat this as a confessional, okay?

Dayle (02:04)
Okay, let's, I like it.

Jamie (02:06)
So

this pile of shit, like I forgot it even existed. I'm so desensitized to it. Like a year and a half, maybe two years ago, we renovated our bathroom in our bedroom and our vanity became like the drawers are a lot smaller top to bottom. like anything that's tall no longer fits like vitamins.

Dayle (02:23)
Okay.

Jamie (02:29)
you know, hydrogen peroxide, anything that's in like a bottle that you would want to keep up, right? Like nail polish remover, anything that you would stand up can no longer stand up and certain things. I'm like, I don't really want to lay that down because what if it leaks or, know, what do we even really need these vitamins for? How old are they? What do I need them for? Anyway, so I created just a pile of stuff that couldn't go into my new vanity, but I was also like, do I need it? Don't I? Some of the stuff I know I need, but I don't really have anywhere else to put it. So I've

Dayle (02:36)
Yeah.

Yeah, for sure.

else do you put it yeah

Jamie (02:57)
I had it in like a moving box because when we were renovating the bathroom, I moved everything out of the vanity and put it in a moving box. It is literally sitting in a moving box in my bedroom one and a half to two years later. And I'm so desensitized that I like my eyes scan the room. And I was like, what is the moving box doing in my bedroom? Like, how is this still here? And obviously nothing in it is important because I haven't looked at it in a year and a half.

Dayle (03:13)
clean the whole house. Yeah, exactly.

Jamie (03:26)
And part of me was tempted to just throw the whole box out. Like to be like, no, don't even look at it because you'd be like.

you know, the ear, earring hole got infected and you needed the hydrogen peroxide. Like the crazy stuff you convince yourself to do. And I'm like, this is just so metaphorical for how when you leave a problem to just fester, it's still waiting for you. It's still sitting there waiting for you. You're just desensitized to it.

Dayle (03:36)
Exactly.

Yep. So waiting for you. Exactly.

Exactly. Well, and like things for me that I love putting on the back burner that are business related are things like

You know that like, for instance, I wanted to learn how to do understand meta ads for just my business. Just understand it. I don't even need to make an ad. I just want to know how it would work in case I wanted to make an ad on social media. And do you think that I have it on my list? I bet you in my book, my book is 300 pages.

Every single list I've made, I remake the list and I re-add the things I didn't do on the next page when my list gets crazy. Or I get a lot of the things done. And I bet you I've written that for two years. At very top. That it's something this week I'd like to tackle. Guess what I've never done. Ever tackled it. And then what's bad about it is my list is my gospel. So I go into my list and I'm like, what's going on in my life?

Jamie (04:41)
Yeah.

Yes.

Dayle (04:55)
and I look at my list and it's the very first thing. And if I don't like the very first thing on my list, it gives me this little pang of like guilt, shame, sadness, overwhelm. And so I'm like, why aren't you just chat you between this?

Jamie (05:07)
Well, you know what it gets for me when I don't like the first thing on my list?

I think to myself, I'm not gonna do the list today.

Dayle (05:13)
Exactly. It literally derails the whole list because you're like, this list is horrible. I'm not starting at the top. So I make columns with my list. So I've got like different categories. So I just go to the next category. But like that top category, yeah, it's a new pile. I'm going to go to an easier pile to manage more fun pile to manage. But like that's the kind of like example of a stupid thing. I could type that into chat, GPT, get a really good overview and do like a practice ad.

Jamie (05:24)
It's just repiling your shit. That's what we call repiling our shit.

Dayle (05:40)
that I don't even post just to see what it looks like and feels like in there. But like it's it's even stuff like I have these thoughts like I don't know how to log in. I don't know what my like meta ads. Login would be. Is it my Facebook login? Is my Instagram login? I can't find out. I don't want to like that's also another chat. You could you question that I could just ask not doing it, you know, so.

Jamie (05:53)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah,

it's amazing how you just really get desensitized to it. like a lot of people, their physical, me included, my physical space is so tied to my

Dayle (06:08)
Mm-hmm.

same, very much.

Jamie (06:16)
Like,

you wanna know how I'm doing? Come see if the kids' artwork is in a pile in my kitchen.

Dayle (06:22)
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, how big is your top? For sure. Well, and do you want to know what an asshole I am? So Darren like leaves his one screwdriver on the like table near the front door because he was fixing something right there. And I'm like, where does this go? Where do we put this? Like, is this going to live here forever? Or does it have a toolbox to live in?

Jamie (06:24)
How big is the pile? It'll tell you everything you need to know about where my hands are.

Dayle (06:48)
And it's an immediate like correction, because it's not one of my piles of shit. It's not something I've. Yeah, it's like a one millis like one point one zero percent of nothing. I have no tolerance for it. But yet I'll put like my speaking of drawers that don't fit stuff, I'll put my morning vitamins that don't fit my little desk drawer where I drink my coffee on the counter right in the kitchen.

Jamie (06:53)
yeah, no, my tolerance for other people's pals is shit is in there.

Dayle (07:15)
and like make Darren put away absolutely everything he owns for his whole life into a proper spot. Like it's just wild to me how that's okay with me. Cause what I've got out is way uglier. He's got like this tiny little screwdriver that's black and silver that no one else had even noticed sitting there. And

Jamie (07:19)
Mm-hmm.

I also

just want to say something that, did you know there's people that are okay with piles on the counter?

Dayle (07:38)
Yeah, they actually like that's their organizational system and they're fine with it. So that's how they've chosen to do it. And it doesn't bother them at all.

Jamie (07:46)
Have you ever had a guest come to your house and literally like take out their prescription glasses and put them on the counter? Their vitamins and put them on the counter? Their glass cleaner on the counter? You want to see my tolerance for other people's piles? And or lack thereof? Unload your fucking personal belongings on my kitchen. Like it's I don't know why, but I'm like, what are you? What kind of a monster do you think you are?

Dayle (07:50)
Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah, it's very low. Mm hmm. Totally.

Well, and if I've like decorated my house for a party and I've got this whole beautiful table set and the island, to me, the island being clear is a real or just having the food or the things I've allotted to be there is a very, very important sight line thing that matters to me. And like that's how I think of every room is what is the sight line when you like come around the corner and what will you see and all these things.

Jamie (08:30)
Yes. Yes.

Dayle (08:39)
And so somebody that like brings all their stuff and puts it on their island is a real problem. But also the unwritten and unfair rule that I have is there is an appropriate place to put your stuff. It's on a lower counter that's like tucked kind of near the window. And I'm okay with that location, but I don't want your purse in the middle of my beautifully set table. like, maybe I'm a monster. You know, like I think sometimes to myself, like, don't say anything. This is

you're not making people comfortable in your home because other people like piles and they want to just know where their prescription drugs are that they brought over during your Christmas party. But like, I don't want to see it. I want you to hang your purse at the door where I've provided a hook. And that's where that needs to go, you know?

Jamie (09:19)
Yes! Yes!

Yes,

absolutely. And I think that you're right, like that it's not just physical piles, like physical piles are very threatening to me, but it's also like the mental load that we carry, like the mental piles of shit. And I think everyone has like piles in their head, like your to-do list can be a pile, like you're, I gotta, you know, I can't forget to register for volleyball. I can't forget to.

Dayle (09:40)
absolutely.

Jamie (09:51)
make the dentist appointment, like, you know, just everyday tasks. And then you just kind of get desensitized to them unless you like write it down and start checking them off, off the list. And kind of like you, how you, you write out your to-do list for two straight years, you've written out the same thing and just ignored it. I think we do the same thing with the, lists we have in our head. Like whether it's personal or business, you just, there's certain tasks you just put on the back burner and then you're like kind of annoyed that there's.

Dayle (10:01)
For sure.

for sure. Yep.

Jamie (10:20)
still on the list, you know?

Dayle (10:21)
for sure. And like with you, because you've got three kids to manage sports to manage, you're the team manager, you have businesses to run, you have a house to run, all the things you, feel like whenever I'm around you and I come along and I'm like, Hey, we need to pay, we need to book our ultimate girls trip flights. let's get to it is what I'm telling you. And like, I'd like you to act immediately because I've, I've deemed it the day that I'm ready to man sweep that off my pile.

You're like, can't even look at that particular thing, that pile of stuff, ultimate girls trip things for like a week. And I'm like, my God, we're just, we just want to pay more. I guess we just want to, you know, get the most expensive flight we could possibly get when we could just buy one today. Cause I've already looked them up and I'd like you to just make plan with me.

Jamie (11:09)
Now

that algorithm knows you've already looked them up. So they're definitely going up. If you need the website and then come back there for sure going up, that's a guarantee.

Dayle (11:12)
Exactly.

they're for sure going up. And so

for me, like even how many piles you you're managing compared to how many piles I'm managing are different. So I'm like, well, she just doesn't manage her piles fast enough. Like she needs to go faster and be on my timeline because I'm intolerant of that as well. You know? Yeah.

Jamie (11:34)
know,

it's amazing how...

you just get can become so desensitized so quickly, but it can still like, irk you subconsciously. Millions of times. And then when you do actually clean up the pile, you do actually like deliver the clothes that have been in your trunk to the secondhand store. You're like, why did I wait so long? Why did I, what took me forever? But.

Dayle (11:44)
daily millions of times. Yeah.

yeah.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Do this. Exactly.

Jamie (12:02)
As much as we think we're desensitized to the piles, because we've kind of forgotten about it or we put it on the back burner, that kind of clutter, clutters your mind. Because even if you're not acknowledging it in that moment, like I walk by the moving box a thousand times, I promise you, even if I didn't, wasn't aware of it, I thought to myself, God, my room's mess. You know? Even if I didn't give credit to the moving box in the corner.

Dayle (12:07)
We're out.

Absolutely.

Mm-hmm.

Exactly. For sure. like,

mm hmm. Mm hmm. Well, or even like all when I get a new new lens, like using the house as the example and the new lens, let's say is like we're having a Christmas party all of a sudden or companies come in to stay and they're going to be sleeping there. So it's like every bathroom matters, every bed matter, you know, you want to make sure the pillows are set just right. It's one of those things that I'm like. I why?

Jamie (12:40)
or companies coming over to stay or, yeah. ⁓

Dayle (12:54)
Do I have this huge pile on my desk that's right in the kitchen? I don't want everyone seeing this at my party. Like that's terrible. That looks terrible. But I'm like for the last year and a half, it's been fine for every other party or get together I've had. And why is that? But you need the new lens sometimes to stop you from leaving the pile behind. And I think that that's what brought up this conversation for you and I was that we were like complaining about one of our random piles. And I'm like, yeah, no, I have that. No, I have.

Jamie (13:11)
Yep.

Dayle (13:23)
And I also think that like you get so used to it and then you go to like like if I were to come over I'd see all your piles and you'd see all my piles like you'd be like why do you have this thing sitting on your desk like do you need this like if and my friend who's an organizer will come and help me and she'll be like why do you have salad dressing in your fridge that's four years old and I'm like I don't know I just never like used it and I never took it out and I never read it but now she's forcing me to like face

Jamie (13:31)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle (13:52)
the music. And that's the like beauty of somebody that comes in and says, Okay, today's the day that we're going to do this drawer, we're going to do the pot, you know, what or if you hire like a coach or something, and the coach is like, Well, why do feel overwhelmed? And then they start digging around in your pile of like reasons. And your pile of reasons is, well, I didn't make the dentist appointment. Yep. Yep.

Jamie (13:52)
Mm-hmm.

because you have a half written SOP, because you have a half done this,

because you're wearing too many hats. The thing is, is that you can see other people's piles exactly what you said, but that's why sometimes hiring somebody to shine the light on your piles is exactly what you need. Whether that's an organizer for your house or a business coach or a strategist or a bookkeeper, like whatever that looks like, it's somebody who you have to almost be accountable to.

Dayle (14:20)
Exactly.

⁓ Totally.

absolutely.

Yeah.

have 100%.

Jamie (14:44)
If nobody ever stepped foot in my bedroom, the box

would probably still be there five years from now. But if someone was like, Hey, I'd love a tour of your house. I'm going to come over in two hours. Damn right. That box is going to get unpacked. You know, just like if a business

Dayle (14:55)
Yes. Yeah, dealt with whether you take that stuff to the basement

bathroom and you put it underneath the sink there because you want to keep it or you throw it all in the garbage. Yeah, you're going to do something with it.

Jamie (15:04)
Toss it out, you don't care. And the same goes for your business. Like if you hire somebody

to come take over your bookkeeping, damn right, you're all of a sudden gonna be able to produce all those invoices that you had in a messy pile on your desk. So I think that sometimes you do need that outsider's opinion or that outsider's perspective or that expert, yeah, or even hiring an expert to shine the light on the things that you're like, oh, that's my dirty little secret. I wanted to keep it that.

Dayle (15:15)
Exactly.

Totally.

Just the accountability. Just the accountability.

Exactly. Well, even for me, like when I when you just did my books for all those years, I I would go three months without doing my expenses, without checking on like who'd paid, who'd not paid, you know, which is just wild and crazy to me. I'm lucky to even have had a business. But I I would go longer than three months with my expenses sometimes. And like it was just like, what was this expense for? What was that expense for? And now because I have like in place

Jamie (15:59)
Okay.

Dayle (16:03)
a company that does my books every month, I know that around the first of every month, they're looking for my expenses so that they can finish my month end. And they're going to give it to me right on time as long as I am on time. So I'm accountable to them. So guess what I do? And like right now I'm off by two weeks because I got behind two weeks. And then that led to now I'm like, well, it's only been two weeks. So I want to do my expenses again. It seems kind of silly, but like this is the month that I'm

getting back squared away so that I'm back to the first of the month. Cause I absolutely don't even want to be two weeks behind because I've got somebody waiting for me and I hate that. I absolutely hate that. And so it's funny because it's like, where do you need either to, yeah, yourself or somebody else, where do you need the accountability in your business, your life, your, know, and what is the tool? What is the tool that it's actually taking?

Jamie (16:37)
Totally.

accountability.

you

Dayle (16:57)
on the background, back burner stress in your brain, by having the messy house, the messy filing cabinet, the undone expense reports, the undone social media posts that you have planned in your head or on your Canva, but you never actually posted. What is the toll of all of that? And like, how much mental real estate is it taking up? Because it's taking up more than you're giving it credit for. We think we've ignored our piles, but they're still there. And the day is going to come where you have to deal with them.

Jamie (17:00)
totally.

huh.

Mm-hmm.

Absolutely. Yeah.

Dayle (17:26)
So we would love to hear from you about where are you making your piles and what is the mental. ⁓ Yeah, what are your piles of shit? Okay, have a great day.

Jamie (17:31)
We want to hear about your dirty little secrets, your piles of shit. Come clean. Yep. We'll hold you accountable

Bye guys.