The Five Rules of Life No One Is Teaching You

Welcome back to Proof It's Possible! This week, Dayle and Jamie are sharing five rules you can use to take charge of your life. They explore how to take back the power in your life instead of waiting for someone else to save you, to act instead of waiting for a plan, and to work hard and negotiate for what you want. These rules focus on you and your power to shape your own life. Tune in to discover:

• How to stack the odds in your favor
• Why you can't wait for other people to save you
• Why you need to negotiate to get what you want 
• How your social and physical environments impact you 
• Why action is more impactful than trying to plan out everything

What life rule would you add to our list? Share your thoughts with us — we’d love to hear! DM us on Instagram @dayle_sheehan_designs & @jamiedfrancis! See you next time!

This episode is sponsored by our Ultimate Girls Trip! Be sure to go to www.proofitspossible.com for more info.

For More Information:
• Proof It's Possible Website
• The Ultimate Girls Trip Instagram

Dayle:
• Instagram
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• LinkedIn
• Website
• Interior Design

Jamie:
• Instagram
• Facebook
• LinkedIn
• Website 

Transcript

Dayle Sheehan (00:01.39)
Hi, welcome back. Thank you guys so much for joining us again. Today we are talking about, Jay, go ahead.

Jamie (00:11.008)
five rules that nobody is teaching you. So I...

Dayle Sheehan (00:15.31)
Okay, rules for business or rules for what? Okay, okay.

Jamie (00:19.468)
Rules for life. I think they're just rules for life. I mean, a lot of them apply to your business, so use them how you like, basically how the rules are the rules and you can either be the victim of the rules or you can find a way to find opportunity in the rules. So rule number one is the world isn't fair, so stack the odds in your favor.

Dayle Sheehan (00:34.222)
rate.

Dayle Sheehan (00:48.846)
Okay. And what are some ways do you think that, like, what's an example of this for the, like, listeners? I know we like talk about this personally all the time, but what do you think is like a good example of this?

Jamie (01:02.154)
Well, I think something I hear quite a bit from people that are in business is like, it's so unfair. She seems to just be, you know, flying through business. She's always booked. She always has clients. She's, you know, she's got this huge following. She's whatever it looks like for you. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. So I think.

Dayle Sheehan (01:15.138)
Whatever, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (01:22.774)
Everything comes easy to her. She makes more money than me with less effort, whatever.

And so what do you think the differences are? Like, what do you, how do you stack the odds? You know what I mean? In your own favor.

Jamie (01:33.364)
Well, I think the difference...

Jamie (01:38.56)
Well, I think the number one thing is that you have to do a bit of a mindset reframe. Like instead of, she is better than me and it's so unfair for me. You have to think to yourself like, what is she doing that I'm not doing? If you both have the same level of experience, you both have the same service offering, what sets her apart? Is she posting more often on social media? Does she build relationships?

Dayle Sheehan (01:53.486)
Mm-hmm.

Jamie (02:06.281)
outside of business hours that help her bring her clients.

Dayle Sheehan (02:08.642)
Yeah, yeah, getting into the rooms with more influential people that have the right connections that elevate everything about her life potentially that you're not doing or you're not investing in.

Jamie (02:13.579)
Absolutely.

Jamie (02:21.897)
Yeah, and even for me, there's a big like money piece to it too, because a lot of times when it looks like, you know, it's so effortless for her to be in business. It's like, well, but did she pay for advertising that you weren't willing to pay for? Did she hire somebody to do the jobs that you weren't, you know, you're still bootstrapping and stuck at? Is she paying to elevate the network? Is she, you know, get into rooms that you're not doing like?

Dayle Sheehan (02:26.946)
Yes.

Dayle Sheehan (02:32.876)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (02:41.09)
Yeah. Leave generation and email marketing campaigns. Yes.

Jamie (02:50.973)
If you're sitting still expecting all of this to happen while she's out there making it happen, life isn't fair. And to an outsider, it might look like, she's killing it and this girl's not, and they're doing the exact same thing and life isn't fair. Or you can get real with it and be like, what do I gotta do to get there? Because life isn't fair, so let's sort this out.

Dayle Sheehan (02:58.04)
doing. Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (03:13.152)
Exactly. For sure.

Jamie (03:17.865)
Okay, number two, no one is coming to save you.

Dayle Sheehan (03:22.282)
gosh, this is like something that I talk about in every speech. I find a spot for it, even if it slightly doesn't make any sense. Two weeks ago, I did a speech that I was like, this doesn't need to be here, but I think every audience needs to hear this. And it's because it was one of my core values or core thoughts when I was first in a wheelchair is that something would save me. Something was going to turn this whole story around. It wouldn't be forever. Whether it was a cure.

whether it was a doctor that had an idea, something was going to change in my life. And the day that I like realized I'm the one that has to make the change or the save here. I'm the one that gets to turn my life around and I'm the only one. Nobody else will be coming to save you. And the minute you give someone that much power, that's actually a terrible thing to do. Like if you think, well, I'm just gonna...

marry a really rich guy and that will be, you know, and it's like great if the love of your life happens to be really rich and he treats you well, perfect. But what if he's not? What if you have a terrible relationship? You're still not independent and you are still not in a power position to make your life into what you want it to be. You've given that power to somebody else because they saved you. They made your credit card deck go away. They made...

Jamie (04:42.763)
Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (04:47.724)
gave you the money to start your business or, you know, not work or whatever it is that you're looking for.

Jamie (04:50.528)
Well, and back to the first example I use, like you and another woman doing the exact same job, you're sitting around waiting for somebody to come save you. Someone, you know, if you're waiting for customers to just knock down your door, if you're waiting for someone to just swoop in and make your business the next best thing, it's not going to happen. It's you. It's you that needs to do that.

Dayle Sheehan (04:56.716)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (05:04.802)
Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (05:13.154)
No, it's you. Exactly. And like this one does take work. It takes, I mean, they all do. They take work. They take mindset changes. They take effort. They often take money. You know, it all adds together and you don't have to go with like money, for instance, because I know so many of the entrepreneurs that we talk to and people that, you know, are my like clients and my design, my website design.

Money is the hold back, right? It's like, well, I can't afford a monthly person to do all my social media. I can't afford somebody to edit my videos or whatever it looks like, whatever the services that you need.

It's a you have to spend money to make money and B it feels bad because it's risky because it's getting you to the next level that if it if it were easy, we would all do it. You know, everyone would be a billionaire because we'd be like, well, all you have to do is just risk the first hundred million to make your billion, you know, or the first hundred thousand to make your first million. And the thing is, is most people choose that

Jamie (06:20.82)
Yeah. Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (06:25.666)
that hundred thousand is.

Jamie (06:28.106)
Yeah, absolutely. And even this one applies so much in your personal life too. Maybe because I feel like I have like a very distinct personal example of this. Like, you know, I kept thinking like, well, if we just get sober, then everything will be perfect. And it's like, yeah, but that's so fleeting. It's so like, yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (06:33.208)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (06:49.57)
Yes. Putting your power in someone else's hand. Your whole world.

Jamie (06:53.484)
Yeah, and he did get sober, then what's next? Now my happiness just has to hinge on whether he stays sober or not sober. You do have to take your power back at some point and be like, yeah, you know what? I'm going to make it work no matter what. It is such an inside job. I just don't know how else to describe it, but you just have to accept that nobody is coming to save you.

Dayle Sheehan (07:05.07)
Exactly.

Dayle Sheehan (07:14.466)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (07:19.33)
Absolutely.

Jamie (07:22.738)
It's you and yourself and that's it, you know? Okay, the next one. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.

Dayle Sheehan (07:23.074)
You're it. I agree.

Dayle Sheehan (07:33.23)
That is the truth. Because you know how many people, like your first example again, one person's the same or has exact same service as the next person. And one of them is making $1,500 per and the next one is making $5,000 per. And it's because one had the bravery or the like confidence to say, I charge $5,000 for this service, take it or leave it.

Jamie (07:58.561)
balls.

Dayle Sheehan (08:03.434)
their energy match, their service match, their, and you might even have more education and more experience and charge less, because that's what you believe you're worth. And then you'll be stuck there. And that's why the mindset piece matters for all of these so much.

Jamie (08:13.301)
Yeah.

Jamie (08:20.746)
Yeah, I also feel like even if you're like an employee that's listening, when I was an employee, I was in my early 20s and I was always like a little pissy that this girl who was very similar age to me, very similar education, we started around the same time, like within a month of each other and she seemed to make more money than me, always make more money than me. And I was like, it's so unfair, it's so unfair.

Dayle Sheehan (08:24.622)
Mm-hmm.

Jamie (08:48.908)
The reality is, is I didn't once ask for a raise. Not one time did I ask for a raise. And it's like, you get what you negotiate. And if you don't even ask for it, you definitely aren't getting it. You know, like, and I feel...

Dayle Sheehan (08:52.366)
Exactly. Yep.

Dayle Sheehan (08:58.744)
Think you deserve what you believe in your heart you deserve, what you're willing to ask for. Yeah.

Absolutely. Yep. And the thing is, is sometimes you're going to get told no, but that's the risk of like taking the leap, right? I remember we have a friend and like, she's quite ballsy about these things. And she was in negotiations for her new job. And like three days or a week before she was supposed to start the new job, hadn't fully signed the paperwork yet, the offer. She went back to them.

Jamie (09:29.836)
But I had verbally agreed to it.

Dayle Sheehan (09:32.718)
but had verbally agreed to it, went back to them was like, yeah, I need $5,000 more for my signing bonus or something. And I'm like, what are you doing? Because it was out of my comfort zone to even hear that she was considering it. Like I was like, no way you did not. And she's like, yeah, I did. I just realized like for my industry, for my experience level, I deserved it and I wanted it. So I was like, and the thing is,

she's entirely detached from if they would have said no, she would have walked away from the whole thing and just kept applying to new places. Like that was the wildest part to me. Cause I it's like, it's one thing if they say no and you're like, okay, I'll take it anyway. I'm sorry. never, I didn't mean to ask, you know, but she would have probably walked from the whole deal and they knew it because her confidence level was at that level. So.

Jamie (10:06.422)
Yeah.

Jamie (10:13.963)
Yeah, yes.

Jamie (10:22.87)
Totally. Well, you know what else? Like, this is the most basic example, but one that I think a lot of listeners can relate with. When you go to Mexico and someone approaches you with the bracelets and the anklets, well, on the beach, if you just, they say 50 USD for a bracelet and you say yes, then that's what you get. A bracelet in exchange for 50 USD. But everybody knows you don't go with the first

Dayle Sheehan (10:29.303)
Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (10:35.468)
Yeah. Yes.

Dayle Sheehan (10:45.716)
Absolutely. Yes.

Jamie (10:52.63)
thing they say, it's a negotiation. Everybody knows that you can get them down a little bit, even the seller. You know, they start high because you know they've got to come down a little bit because they know you're going to negotiate. But imagine you walk through life like that, a beach in Mexico where you know you're

Dayle Sheehan (10:53.974)
Mm-hmm, for sure.

Dayle Sheehan (11:01.58)
Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (11:09.518)
Exactly. Whatever just got offered to you, you took because you were afraid not to. But that said to the opposite and to many of our other podcasts in the past, I had this exact same thing happen with a client recently and they were like, this is I gave them their quote and they're like, my budget is, you know, $500 less or something. I was like, I wish you luck in finding somebody that can work within that budget and like

They wrote me like two days later and were like, oh, Kate, I'll still hire you. Like I can go up to $500 because the $500 wasn't, it's not like it's a $100 service. $500 within the scope of that project was actually quite like a small amount. So I'm like, oh, you know what? If you have that much money to spend, you have the extra $500. And truthfully, I'm not doing it for less because I already been very fair with you, man.

Jamie (11:37.004)
Bye!

Jamie (11:53.548)
Mm-hmm.

Jamie (12:02.228)
But that's the whole thing. If you're going to negotiate, you have to be okay with hearing no. You have to have the balls to ask and then you have to be okay with hearing no and then making your next decision.

Dayle Sheehan (12:08.093)
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And then make your decisions. Yeah, exactly. And like, truthfully, when I said no to her, I assumed she probably would go away and find somebody that could she could afford because that's fair. Like, I get it. Everyone has a budget. Everyone has an idea what they can spend. And if I'm if our my price and her budget don't match, we're probably not the right match. That's that.

Jamie (12:24.192)
Yeah?

Jamie (12:31.542)
Totally, 100%. Okay, rule number four, your environment is stronger than your discipline. This one's a bit controversial because lots of gurus will say it's discipline is the most important thing, you know? Like, you gotta get up and do your exercise and.

Dayle Sheehan (12:40.343)
gosh, yes.

That's it.

Dayle Sheehan (12:47.52)
Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, but you know, this is the thing I'm coming off of like the month of all the family birthdays possible that you can pack into them and friend birthdays. So every weekend, we're at a party, we're at a cake, we're at a fancy dinner, we're doing the things. And it's like, just being exposed to not my usual

menu items, you know, because I'm like constantly in a restaurant. I'm constantly being served a dessert and it's a celebration and it's someone special thing. And then you're drinking a fancy drink and then you're, you know, you're just doing things that you're like not used to. All I want in my life is a little bit of routine because I'm like, I know my environment dictates my ability to stay focused on the plan. You know, like I know that if I have to work at a different desk,

Like even if I move, I just said this the other day, if I move my computer to the table instead of at my desk, I'm all out of sorts because my environment is that important to me. I do everything in a routine with a lot of thought put into it. Like it's the weirdest thing, but like I can't even focus if I've got like new art to look at. I'm like, wow, this is a new angle.

Jamie (13:55.585)
Mm-hmm.

Jamie (14:07.2)
Well, and not only that, maybe it's the like ADHD brain of mine, but if my environment, I can be at my desk in my usual routine, but if there's too much clutter because the kids have dropped off their latest art project and set it on my desk for me to look at, and then there's a permission slip that I need to, yeah, permission slip I need to sign that got tossed or.

Dayle Sheehan (14:18.029)
Yes.

Dayle Sheehan (14:21.517)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (14:25.356)
or shuffled all of your papers. Yes.

Jamie (14:31.294)
Somebody was like, yeah, I don't feel like putting away this bag. So I'm just going to put it in mom's office because that's the like closest room and I'm being lazy. Anything like that. I cannot, I literally cannot carry on with my work. Like it's wild how much my environment changes me. That's like my physical environment. I also feel like your social environment changes you. Like if you're

Dayle Sheehan (14:52.227)
Yes.

absolutely. Yes.

Jamie (14:59.244)
If you're around a bunch of downer debbies, guess what? You're going to be the next downer debbie. If you're around a bunch of highly successful people, you're going to be the next one. You literally mimic, like we're chameleons. Naturally human beings are like chameleons. They mimic the environment around them. So if you are choosing to spend time with people that are low vibes, you're going to be low vibes too.

Dayle Sheehan (15:03.438)
Yep. Yep.

Dayle Sheehan (15:25.208)
Absolutely. And I think that a lot of times people's built in people don't have the right vibes for them. But you can't be like, I'm never talking to my sisters and brothers again. I'm never talking to my parents again. And I'm never talking to my husband again. You know, like, because I had this conversation very recently with somebody and they were basically like, my whole family thinks this one way. And I don't know how to be the person that doesn't think like this within them.

Jamie (15:40.715)
Yeah.

Jamie (15:52.556)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (15:53.464)
But they said to me, they're like, I love spending time with you because you give me an entirely different, well thought out thought process on everything. And so we don't see each other enough, but had we got to see each other all the time, she would start adopting some of my positive outlooks, my well thought out complaints about things because she doesn't really jump into like the reason she doesn't like something. She just knows that in her system of her

people complaining is part of the deal. You get together to complain and I personally hate complaining. I think complaining is boring. So I'm like, when somebody's complaining, I'm like, okay, let's move on. Let's talk about something else. Like, cause it's boring. doesn't, it doesn't enrich me in any way. doesn't, unless we're looking for the solution for that complaint. it's just wasting our breath. It's wasting our time. It's wasting our mental space. So let's get something better. Okay. Next one.

Jamie (16:36.737)
Yes.

Jamie (16:49.526)
Absolutely. Yeah.

Okay, last one. Action creates clarity, not the other way around. We talk about this all the time, but...

Dayle Sheehan (16:59.468)
Yes. gosh, for sure. But I do think that people want to know the answers before they start. And the problem with that is you don't get to, you learn stuff along the way. And like, I have a project right now. It's a website project that we're kind of like going backwards in and undoing a bunch of things because we need to like do it in the right order. And I didn't know that until we got halfway through. And like, do I feel annoyed that the whole last week was sort of wasted on?

designing and planning and doing all these things and now we're going to undo it all and start a little bit from scratch. Yeah, it's super annoying to me, but now I'm clear on why that wasn't the right path. And like this can be applied to anything because you have to, and like if I ever feel like anxiety where I'm like, God, I just have a million things to do. Do you want to the best thing for me to do is actually do something. Act, stop thinking about it. Stop fretting about it. Mark one little task off my list.

Jamie (17:50.548)
Anything. It doesn't matter what.

Dayle Sheehan (17:56.536)
gets me closer to that anxiety list being gone.

Jamie (17:59.851)
Well, and like, if you look at a lot of the thought leaders, they say this in different ways. Like Mel Robbins has the five second rule. Have you heard of this? Where you, if you think of it, do it within five seconds. So if you're like, God, I've got to my laundry away within five seconds, do it within five seconds of having that thought, just go and do it. And you'd be amazed at how much gets done, you know? Like, so if you're like, I better make that phone call to

Dayle Sheehan (18:05.549)
Yes.

Dayle Sheehan (18:15.011)
Yes.

Dayle Sheehan (18:21.774)
Totally.

Yes. Yeah.

Jamie (18:29.962)
you know, my doctor or I better book that appointment or that meeting that I've been putting off. If you're thinking about it, just do it. That that it's the same thing. It's just promoting action. It's just promoting moving, moving that like stagnant energy. And I fully believe people want the roadmap before, but that's not how life works. And especially not in business when you're a trailblazer and you haven't necessarily

Dayle Sheehan (18:40.494)
Absolutely.

Dayle Sheehan (18:50.977)
Absolutely.

Jamie (18:55.658)
This is a new industry or it's new to you. You're never going to have all of the answers. You can have a guru, you can mimic somebody else's systems. can pay to get the program from someone else, but you're still going to make mistakes along the way and you're not going to have the whole roadmap.

Dayle Sheehan (19:04.47)
Absolutely.

Dayle Sheehan (19:11.008)
Or like technology will change. Like AIs came in and now we all need to learn something new. And then the algorithm on it, media changes. Yeah. And then exactly. All of a sudden you're making videos instead of just posting pictures and doing a caption. Like everything changes constantly. So know that change is part of life and know that change is part of the whole process. my, I had a friend here recently and they said, is your house always this clean? And I'm like,

Jamie (19:17.356)
The algorithm will change in Instagram and then you'll have to live with the new.

Dayle Sheehan (19:40.588)
Yes, because my like life rule because I only have me and Darren to manage and Darren manages himself. I, if I can like wipe the counter right after supper, I do it because I'm like, I don't want to come back to this tomorrow. I don't want to come back to this tonight when I'm really tired. I just want to clean up from supper and then go do my next thing and let one job and one task be completed and totally done. One of our ultimate girls trip girls has a

Jamie (19:54.71)
Mm-hmm.

ahead.

Dayle Sheehan (20:09.838)
organizing kind of company, not organizing. She helps you put in systems into your life so that you're basically doing things efficiently and makes your life easier. So sometimes that looks like organizing. Sometimes that just looks like giving you like tools to make sure you get everything done in a day. But anyways, her services are great. And one of the things she taught me was that she has like a 30, 60 or 90 rule.

And so if it'll take you 30 seconds, 60 seconds or 90 seconds, do it right now. And it's a lot like the Mel Robbins thing. And it's like, if you take 90 seconds after your whole family eats breakfast to rinse everybody's cereal bowl, put them in the dishwasher and then quickly wipe the counter, it's done for the whole day. If you leave it now, when they get home from school, it's all still sitting there. They need an afterschool snack. So then they eat the snack. You now another set of 90 second dishes or 60 second tasks.

Jamie (20:56.833)
Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (21:10.006)
you don't handle, then dinner hits. Before you can even start making dinner, you've got cereal on the counter, milk that's been left out all day, everyone's dishes from the entire, all their food from the whole day. So overwhelming. Exactly. You literally, and now you've got 30 minutes worth of work just to start making the dinner. And like, that doesn't make any sense. These are small tasks that can be start to finish completed in the moment. And why wouldn't you?

Jamie (21:20.044)
Well, and it's so overwhelming you're afraid to start now.

Jamie (21:33.856)
Yeah.

Jamie (21:38.38)
Absolutely.

Dayle Sheehan (21:39.596)
So action to me is like the greatest defense against overwhelm, like brain fog, all of it.

Jamie (21:46.7)
Mm-hmm.

Jamie (21:51.383)
Well, and here, the book that has changed my mindset on this the absolute most is called The Alchemist. Have you ever read it? Okay. So it came up like a billion times. It just was in my orbit every time someone was like, you need to read this book, you need to read the book. I was like, yeah, I'll put it on my list. put it on my list. So one day I literally just downloaded the book and listened to it when I was traveling somewhere.

Dayle Sheehan (21:58.51)
Mm-hmm.

I've read it. No, I've heard of it, but I've never read it.

Jamie (22:20.844)
And it's a very strange book because it's not set in North America. I didn't feel like it was even set in present day. And maybe it is, but I don't think it is. it's like, for most of it, I was like scratching my head being like, God, why is this people's favorite book? Like, what is this teaching me about business has zero to do about business. Zero to do with business.

Dayle Sheehan (22:20.846)
Mm-hmm.

Dayle Sheehan (22:48.578)
Interesting.

Jamie (22:50.86)
and at the end of it, it ultimately just shows you how you're never going to know the path. So you just got to do it anyway. You know, like it's just one of those books that

Dayle Sheehan (23:00.824)
Right. Well, and you're shaping the path. I think that's the piece that we're like leaving behind here is we get to shape the path. And that's the whole point. It's, our own choices mixed with like the universe guiding where we go next or God or whatever you believe in, you know, like, because we don't know what's coming so we can plan till the end of time and wait till the perfect moments and then only start when things feel like totally planned out. But the minute you want that and expect that.

Jamie (23:07.446)
Yeah.

Jamie (23:17.398)
Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (23:29.28)
you're going to get into whatever it is that you choose and five things will change or surprise you or life will happen. And then you're going to be like, well, I didn't plan for this. And you're never going to have the skills to pivot and to make it happen when it's when you need to. So.

Jamie (23:46.635)
Yes, it's a very good book though. If you are feeling like you are waiting for clarity before you take action, you need to the Alchemist. Okay, well those are the five rules. And we'd love to hear any stories you have around those five rules or if you think we missed one, let us know. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Okay, until next time, bye guys.

Dayle Sheehan (23:54.798)
Okay, I will. All right. Yeah.

Dayle Sheehan (24:04.406)
Yeah, or if you have your own, we'd love to hear what they are. Okay.