Replay: Are You a Winner or a Loser?

Welcome back to Proof It’s Possible! Let’s be honest, if you’ve never felt like an absolute loser before at least once in your life, we’d definitely call you on that bluff! In this episode of Proof It’s Possible, Dayle and Jamie get into the age-old question, “Are you a winner or a loser?” and what truly separates the two from each other. Tune in to discover:

• The winning vs. losing mindset and how to change your state of mind.
• The times we both felt the most like losers in our lives.
• “Victimhood” mindset vs. being in control of your own happiness.
• How to handle someone saying, “Everything is easier for you.”
• Should we give out participation medals?

What have you done to get yourself into a winner’s mindset? Share your thoughts with us — we’d love to hear! DM us on Instagram @dayle_sheehan_designs & @jamiedfrancis! See you next time!

This episode is sponsored by our Ultimate Girls Trip! Be sure to go to www.proofitspossible.com for more info.

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Dayle:
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Jamie:
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Transcript

Dayle (00:02.016)
Hi, welcome back to Proof It's Possible. Today we are chatting about a topic that's been on our morning coffee chats for a while and it's, are you a winner or a loser? And what does that mean? What sets people apart from being the person who does the big thing, has a successful business, has a successful life, marriage, parenting, whatever. So.

Jamie, you kind of have the idea and like were the one that brought it up to me in our chat. So what are your thoughts on this?

jamie (00:35.992)
Well, Alex Hermosy talks a lot about winners and losers. And he says, there's no such thing as losers. There's just quitters. So like, if you just stick with anything long enough, you'll become a winner too. But I saw this like little clip, I think it was like a TikTok or something, where he talks about like how it started for him, like identifying the difference between like a winning mindset and a losing mindset.

And he said in grade school when they started being like, but there are no like winners and losers at the track meet or, you know, for the science, science fair or whatever. Um, there's everyone's getting like a participation medal and a pat on the back. He was like, yeah, that was the demise of essentially like the winning and losing spirit. And he said that you can identify like a loser a mile away by the way that they talk. Like.

they'll say things like, oh, must be nice for her, must be nice for him. Wish I had that kind of money. I would start the business, but I can't afford it. You know, like all the reasons. So like, essentially he's saying like a loser's mindset is that you're constantly in victimhood. You never take charge and say like, no, I'm the reason I am where I am. And if I'm not where I want to be, it's because I haven't worked hard enough.

Dayle (01:41.454)
It's easier for us after we get that.

jamie (01:59.512)
for it or I haven't fought enough for it or I haven't sacrificed or worked at it long enough or whatever the case is. So I just think that like winning and losing mindset is such a interesting and polarizing topic because a lot of people are going to get triggered by like hearing the word loser. But I and I see it more as like you're either in victimhood or you're in control or like, you know, you're in the driver's seat of your own life and I can spot someone who's in victimhood.

a mile away. Someone who's like, Oh, well, no, because of X, Y, and Z, I can't and I can't do this and I can't do that. And, you the world's out to get me and all the reasons why it's like so hard for them, even though people in their exact same situation, same circumstances have made a go of it. And so I just think it's really interesting. And how do you flip from victimhood to like empowerment? How do you decide like, Ooh, some of the things I say are pretty like victim me.

How do I get into a different state of mind?

Dayle (03:00.398)
Yeah. Well, I will just say I, this is like speaking of being triggered. I'm not triggered, but I've been a loser and I've been a winner. So the time, like one of the biggest times for me that I felt like I was a loser is when I was first in a wheelchair, I had this idea that my weight was no longer within my control. Like because I couldn't exercise that was off the table for me, the way that other people exercised, I was.

now just going to have to accept that being heavier would be part of my life. But the problem with becoming heavier while you're in a wheelchair is that it makes your life in a wheelchair extremely hard. It makes it extremely hard for other people to help you. So it like quickly became such a discomfort for me to stay in that. And my mobility had already been affected before I was an actual wheelchair, full -time wheelchair user. So, um,

I was already not that active. And so I was already struggling with my weight because I was a teenager and not eating properly and all things. And you know what got me out of it? If I have to like go back and think back to what it was like radical acceptance that it was me and only me that could make the change. And like it was my decision to make consistent effort towards being healthier.

jamie (04:27.576)
But you know what? When you're in victimhood, the very last thing you wanna hear is that you have the power. You have the power to make the change. And only you, like, if you're still waiting for that person to ride up on their white horse, your knight in shining armor, like whatever that looks like, it doesn't have to be a man and it doesn't have to be a knight in shining armor. Whatever that like unicorn you've placed all of your hopes and dreams on, you're waiting for that person or that thing or that circumstance.

Dayle (04:27.598)
And it wasn't about just what.

Dayle (04:34.702)
the problem. Yeah.

Dayle (04:43.51)
Thank you.

Yeah. No, exactly.

Dayle (04:54.382)
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

jamie (04:56.952)
to swoop in and pick you up and just make you, in your case, like, you know, fit and healthy. Well, and you're not gonna have to do that.

Dayle (05:03.598)
Well, exactly. And the thing is, is that having to face the fact that I could sit around and be like, well, it's genetics that have caused me to be heavier set. Like there's lots of people in my family that struggle with their weight, or I could say it's that I can't exercise. It's that it's my mobility challenges and that it's just not fair for me. And like that all might be true. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But what happens if I just

jamie (05:29.528)
Thank you.

Dayle (05:30.51)
Accountability for the things I do have control over. For me, the one big thing I had control over was my food. If I really looked at my food, I was the damn problem. I was eating like a teenager. I wasn't eating like an adult that knew what calories were, knew what carbohydrates were, knew what the right balance for my body was. I wasn't eating the right portions. I wasn't, you know, so there was all kinds of tools within my toolkit that I was just like, it was easier to blame the other things and make it.

somebody else or something else's problem than taking radical responsibility for my own decisions and my inconsistencies because I could still do some exercise. I can still do some exercise, although it's very small. I hit my little bike every time I can, you know, and I get in a swimming pool every time I can. It's not the exercise that someone else might do, but it's still moving my body and it's better than nothing. So that was the part that it's like, it's very hard to look in the mirror, though. And

jamie (06:09.752)
you

Dayle (06:29.294)
actually make that change and start being like, and there's areas in my life that I still have to do that, you know, where I'm like, where I want to like level up, I need more consistency. I need to sit down and do the damn thing and stop complaining about it. Stop worrying about it. Stop thinking there's somebody out there that could do it better than me and could help me with it. And I should, you know, find that person and keep stalling. They're all just stalling tactics. Like all of it is stalling tactics. So, um,

jamie (06:53.272)
Mm -hmm.

Dayle (06:57.23)
Do you have a time in your life where you are the loser? Or loser?

jamie (07:00.408)
Oh, hundreds, hundreds of thousands of times. Like, I mean, I've basically wrote a whole book about being the victim. Like I'm the victim of all of this bad stuff and it's so sad for me and my life is hard. And I was like, yeah, but you can make it easier. Like I could have left my marriage long before it got that bad. I could have decided that I didn't want to live like that anymore. I could have.

done a lot of things, but you know, it's easier to be like, oh, it's so hard for me. It's so hard for me to live this life and everybody like, you know, pat me on the back for what a wonderful person I am for like being a good mom and staying and all of those things. And it's like, that's bullshit. All of it's bullshit. Like no one else is responsible for my happiness. Not a single soul on this planet except for me. And even in business though, like,

Dayle (07:43.31)
Well, I do true. Yeah.

jamie (07:56.856)
When businesses fail, I hate seeing it. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely hate seeing it. But I think there's a lot of people that their business could have been saved a lot sooner or prevented from going bankrupt if they would have made different decisions. I look at governments all the time. If the government continues to spend, our economy is in this thriving position, eventually you're gonna run out of money to spend. And that's the same as any other...

a business or your own personal account, let's just take it right back to us. If I am spending money that I don't have, if I'm spending on my credit card, eventually the credit card bill comes in the mail and you either have to pay it or you max out your credit card, but at some point you have to be like, ooh, I overspent, that was me. Like it's not the world's fault, it's not the advertising's fault, it's not the store's fault, it's not going to the mall's fault, it's not.

Dayle (08:48.27)
Yeah, exactly.

Dayle (08:54.318)
Exactly.

jamie (08:56.152)
The convenience of the wall, it's not Amazon's fault. It's the fact that I made the choice to overspend. And that's why my credit card is either maxed out or I can't pay my bills. And I think businesses do the same. Like, know, Lynx Air just announced that they've gone into receivership or creditor protection. And it's like, okay, but why didn't they, they have like millions, hundreds of millions in debt. Why didn't they say like, hey, we don't have enough to fill these planes. Let's make smaller.

Dayle (09:11.086)
Right.

jamie (09:26.168)
Let's get rid of some roots. Let's get rid of some planes. We can't afford the leases on these. Like, I think there's decisions we all have to make in business life, personal life, where you have to be responsible to make the changes necessary. You don't just get to be like, oh, now I'm now I've gotten broken. It's everybody else's fault. It's the economy's fault. It's my ex -husband's fault. It's my kids' fault. It's the sports team's fault.

Dayle (09:47.534)
Yeah, there's always somebody out there that you can point the gun at to be like, it's you, you know, point the finger and be like, you did this. Well, and like, it's, it's, this story I'm about to tell, like triggered me in such a big way. I had somebody say to me, it's easier for you to do the things you do. And I was like,

jamie (09:54.198)
Totally.

Dayle (10:12.718)
Okay, that's a strange, and I was kind of like, no, it's equally as hard or easy. We all have circumstances. And I just couldn't understand where that person was coming from because they also followed it up with saying something to the effect of, they said, it was easier for you and everything just comes to you easily, basically, was like the whole point in their little speech to me. And I thought, after I like reframed it, and this to me was like a winner's mindset,

in that I reframed it after like being triggered, feeling annoyed, being like, no, I actually work for it. It isn't luck. It isn't, I didn't just stumble into it. I literally put my brain on into a place where I was like, even bad things are here to serve me. So how do I take the good out of the bad? How do I find the lining? So I literally turned like that triggering moment. And I thought, you know what? I'm actually really proud of myself for

jamie (10:59.096)
How do I get the lesson in all of it? Yep.

Dayle (11:11.63)
the fact that on the outside, it does look like everything's just falling into my lap. And that's fine because there is a whole bunch of work that goes into whatever good things come to all of us. Whether you're having teeny tiny little wins in your business, in your life, in your marriage, you know, in your health journey, whatever it looks like, that took a lot of energy. And if somebody can't see that, that's on them. That's not, they're still stuck in some sort of loser's mindset.

jamie (11:33.464)
Mm -hmm.

jamie (11:40.6)
Well, and if that isn't the epitome of a loser's mindset, being like, it's easy for you. Like they know nothing about your circumstances or the trials and tribulations of your life or your business or whatever they were talking about, but they've already decided that it was easy for you and it's hard for them and that's why they haven't done what you've done. Simple.

Dayle (11:40.782)
And that's the name of the book.

Dayle (11:59.956)
Exactly. And I thought, you know what, it is easy for me and good things come to me every day. And that is where my default is, is every time I try something new, I think this is going to be great. I hope this works out in the best way possible. I hope this exceeds my expectations, my imagination. I hope that I'm wildly successful at this, you know, and I know that that's possible with every endeavor I take on. And if...

I had the internal dialogue that was basically like, you're a loser, nothing works out for you. Everything goes bad. Do you know how much money it costs to start a business? Do you know how much money you're spending every month? It's really bad. Everything's bad. Guess what? It will be bad. It's a promise. It'll be bad. You're guaranteeing, you're pre -setting up. It's all bad things for you coming forward. So.

jamie (12:49.782)
Mm -hmm. I also think it's so interesting because somebody came over last night to give us a quote and he was telling me about somebody he was driving with and the person is a very successful psychologist and she said, someone in a very fancy car cut them off. And he was like, oh, what a dick move or whatever, you know? And she was like, I hate rich people. And he was like,

Dayle (13:19.47)
Mmm. Why? Why broad stroke hate?

jamie (13:21.144)
Why would you say that? And he, yeah, just brought, I hate rich people. And he was like, what do you mean you hate rich people? And she's like, I would never wanna be a rich person. He's like, you don't? Like, why? And her answer was that she just wants to be comfortable. And he was like, you're a doctor in Canada, in one of the safest countries in the world, you own a home?

Dayle (13:35.022)
Oh!

Yeah.

jamie (13:51.0)
You're driving a nice vehicle, you're going out for dinner, like as we speak, what other comforts do you want? Like if it's just comfort that you're seeking, if all you're seeking is comfort, can't you just acknowledge that you are comfortable right now? And she was like, well yeah, I'm comfortable, but like, and he's like, okay, so why do you have to hate rich people? Or why do you have to hate successful people? Why do you have to hate people that are like different than you?

Dayle (14:00.558)
Well, in the interesting...

Dayle (14:17.646)
Do you want to know what is though? Somebody else would look at her and say, you are rich. She is a rich person, potentially. Like everybody is metric of what that means is something different. So someone else could look at her and say, like, she makes five times what I make. Her car is worth 10 times what my car is worth. That is a rich person. And you remember the story that you told a few on a few driver, like,

jamie (14:41.464)
Yes, about the Caviar?

Dayle (14:44.43)
He's like, all you need to be a rich person is to have people who love you and a roof over your head and a safe country to live in. That is it. That is it. That is a rich life. That's not even a comfortable life. That's a wonderful, rich life. So, and like, I mean, I love the idea of prosperity and like making money and having life experience as a result of that money and living a 10 out of 10 life. Like that's what I want. So I'm not, I'm.

jamie (14:56.248)
Mm -hmm.

Dayle (15:12.888)
happily will say, I would love to make more money. That is something I like stand behind, stand on, own, conceal.

jamie (15:18.968)
when like universe, it wasn't me that said I hate rich people. I'm just repeating a story. I just want to make that clear. I love rich people. Universe, I love rich people.

Dayle (15:23.642)
Yeah, don't listen to this conversation. I really am looking to be richer, please. But anyway, yeah, so it's one of those things that it's like, it's all in the eye of the beholder too. So what's the point?

jamie (15:34.2)
Please.

jamie (15:40.184)
For sure, but it's proof that like victimhood isn't just for the down and outers. It's for the everyday folk. Like there's people that have this victimhood mentality, even though they've got some success in their life, they still have elements. Like for instance, I would say that this person we're talking about has a very negative loser money mindset. Like that they've just decided that money is a bad thing and that they, you know, I'm like,

Dayle (15:45.452)
It's weird.

Dayle (15:53.262)
Yeah.

jamie (16:09.784)
It's crazy that...

Dayle (16:11.086)
Okay, so I have one more question for you about this. As a mom of three, what are your thoughts on kids and the whole idea that like, you shouldn't get participation medals, somebody should win, somebody should lose. Do you agree with that? Do you agree that it's like, because it's a tough one, because it's like, it's nice to see kids, you know, getting celebrated and

jamie (16:39.096)
I think it's age dependent. Like I know that the six year olds that my son plays hockey with, the coaches make sure that every six year old gets the wrestling belt, the hardest worker belt by the end of the season. And I think that at six, that's what all your brain can comprehend is that like I worked hard today. They don't see it as like a pity award. They see it as like, yeah, I've been hustling all year. It's about time I got to take home the...

Dayle (16:39.342)
letting them feel like they're all.

Dayle (16:49.486)
Yeah.

Dayle (16:54.414)
Right.

jamie (17:07.864)
the trophy, you know? But I do think that as we get older and as they approach like adulthood, we have to get more real with them. Like the real world doesn't give out participation awards. The real world has winners and losers. Like there isn't a like, oh my God, you started the business. It's not successful, but we're all just gonna keep cheering for you.

Dayle (17:25.71)
for sure.

Dayle (17:30.806)
We're all just popping in here's like your metal and.

jamie (17:34.488)
Yeah, we're just gonna keep giving you just enough money to survive so that you can feel good about it. Because that's the equivalent of a participation medal. No, that's not how real life works. Real life works, your business is either good and viable and thriving, or it has to close its doors. There's winners, there's losers. There's winners, there's losers. There's no in -betweeners. And so I think that everything has to be age appropriate, but I do think that there's lessons.

In all of it, like, I know that my almost 11 year old, you know, when they named captains a couple years ago on her team, she was like devastated, because she's like, you know, I thought I was a good friend and a good leader and a good, all the things that a captain should be, but they let the kids vote on it. So they let the kids decide, cast a vote on who they thought should.

the captain should be, so it didn't come down to leadership and it didn't come down to like, you know, your skill level. It came down to like, who had the popularity contest, who had the most votes, and I remember she was just like crushed by the whole experience, and I was crushed because she was crushed, it was the saddest day ever, she cried the whole trip home, and it was just like a very, very sad thing, but I thought to myself, like, there's a lesson in this for her, and that's that if you do wanna be, well, A, that's a,

an unconventional and stupid way to pick a captain. So I'll just say that it should be based on skill and leadership. There's winners and there's losers, okay? Anyway, but it was like a message to her that she's like, okay, I have to be more like vocal in the dressing room. I have to be a better friend. I have to be a better leader. I have to work on my skating and my stick handling and all like, all of the things it to her, it wasn't like a...

Dayle (19:04.526)
Okay, mom.

jamie (19:24.44)
Oh no, this is the end of the line for me. I better just quit the sport. She was like, no, this is my cue to like dig a little deeper. Yeah.

Dayle (19:31.438)
Level up. Yeah. Level up. Well, no, and I remember that whole situation and I actually think that it's not a terrible way to do it because in a way, for her, she thought just being good at ring it mattered to be the captain. You know what I mean? Like she had it dialed in that these were the rules of this game and this game was to be the captain. What you needed to do was,

jamie (19:49.464)
Yeah.

Dayle (20:00.002)
improve at Ringette and be the be a good player. And the fact is, is she needed to actually be a good human being in the dressing room on the ice, be a good cheerleader to others, be likable, which is real life stuff. Like, you can go to work and best worker in the entire company. But if you have a personality like a toothache, it goes unnoticed. Your work.

jamie (20:13.814)
Mm -hmm.

jamie (20:22.936)
Or you sit in your office, you sit in your office with the door closed and don't speak to anybody, you eat lunch alone and you do all the things, no one's gonna really remember you.

Dayle (20:30.348)
Exactly.

For sure. And when they think of the next promotion or the next thing, they're like, oh, it's this guy that I eat lunch with every day. He does all this great stuff because he tells me he did all that great stuff or he was, you know, he did a great presentation or whatever because they were in front of people. They were making relationships while they were doing the good work. And so I think and like she's even figured out the game or like the her like game plan in that she knew she wouldn't be the captain the next year because she was the youngest.

jamie (20:43.874)
Mm -hmm.

Dayle (21:01.87)
She was one of the younger girls in the next like level that she moved up to, but she knows that next year she very likely could be because she'll be the older group within that age group. So I love that she's like, okay, if I want this, these are the ways that I can get it. And like she might not win. And that's the other thing. She might not get it the next time because the next coach might have a different parameter on how it gets awarded.

jamie (21:05.72)
It's true, yeah.

jamie (21:26.968)
Well, and you want to know what? Isn't that life? You can still bust your ass and do all of the right things and you're still not the chosen one or you're still not successful, whatever success looks like for you. But that's, there's a lesson in not being the one, too. Lesson in all of it.

Dayle (21:39.086)
Totally.

Dayle (21:42.862)
Exactly. And there's rules of life changing because when you work at one company, the place operates in one way. When you work at another company, it could entirely change. And so the way that you behaved at one doesn't always like translate the things that made you successful somewhere. I think there's a book that's called What Got You Here Won't Get You There. And it's basically like, you can't just master one thing and let it ride you for the rest of your life. You always need to adapt.

jamie (22:02.368)
Mm -hmm.

Dayle (22:10.446)
And that's also, in my opinion, like a winner's quality. Like learning to understand the new skills. Yep, the power of the pivot and being willing to learn along the way and pick up new skills that work for you to get you the things that you need in your life.

jamie (22:15.928)
It's all about the privilege!

Okay.

Thank you.

jamie (22:27.544)
Yes, and it's getting rid of that like old school mentality like well this is how I've always done it or I know best because I've been doing this for 20 years. That like if I see a red flag a mile away it's someone who says things like I've done it this way for 20 years well guess what computers didn't exist 20 years ago like a lot changes in 20 years.

Dayle (22:39.854)
Totally.

Dayle (22:47.502)
Well, that's like, would you hire the bookkeeper? That's like, yeah, I don't use a computer because for 40 years, I've been using this piece of paper and pencil, my eraser, you know, and if I'm mistaken, like, I wouldn't hire that person because I need somebody that's moving with the times who's doing it the way we do it now.

jamie (22:57.546)
LENGER. Yeah.

jamie (23:06.36)
absolutely absolutely absolutely absolutely absolutely absolutely absolutely absolutely

Dayle (23:10.482)
constantly changing and we don't have control of that. So get on the, you know, get on the change wagon because it's happening, even though it's so frustrating, but.

jamie (23:20.386)
Absolutely. I...

Dayle (23:25.23)
So, go ahead.

jamie (23:27.896)
I think that there are definitely clear winners and losers. I think there are definitely lessons in being the winner and being the loser. And I once heard this thing in a, I think it was in like a yoga class, so I don't know who actually said it, but essentially it's like, you know, when things are bad, it won't last. When things are good, it won't last. So stay humble, stay kind, keep pivoting, keep changing, keep doing whatever you need to do.

Dayle (23:51.854)
exactly.

jamie (23:56.376)
learn the lessons along the way and...

Dayle (23:59.95)
know that sometimes you will be a loser. Even if you've been a winner, you can go back to the loser circle quick because it's easy. It's easy to like jump into something new and be like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not qualified for this. This is too hard for me, you know, and getting your mindset back into the place it needs to be getting back to a winner's mindset.

jamie (24:20.792)
I also heard and I don't know who said it but it was just like a little snippet on my socials this morning and it was a clip where a guy was saying like why don't we just come to terms with the fact that like it's too hard rather than saying like oh I can't say it's too hard and I don't want to and I'm like oh man what's the truth? Guys I really want a six -pack but it is hard and I don't want I don't feel like it.

Dayle (24:40.302)
Yeah, exactly.

Dayle (24:45.71)
I don't want to do that. Exactly. That's what I mean. Like.

jamie (24:49.496)
Like it's possible for me, but is it probably gonna happen? No, because I've decided it's too hard.

Dayle (24:55.406)
Exactly. And like it could be if you chose to pursue it, you could have it. But do not pursue it. And that is your loser mindset of the day. Like

jamie (24:59.99)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

jamie (25:07.128)
Absolutely.

Dayle (25:09.806)
So to wrap it up, you're a loser.

jamie (25:11.976)
to wrap it up. We are all losers and we just have to accept. Just kidding. We're all winners. We are all losers. It's just where are we willing to win and where are we willing to lose and are we willing to walk? What's that?

Dayle (25:22.702)
Exactly. And where are you on your journey? Yeah. I said, where are you on the journey of being a winner or a loser? Like.

jamie (25:31.224)
Yeah, for sure.

Dayle (25:34.222)
Thanks for joining us. We'd love to hear from you about whether you feel like you're a winner or a loser naturally and the things that you've had to do to get yourself into that winner mindset. See you next time.

jamie (25:48.952)
Thanks.